A/N: more discussion on the same sensitive topic as last chapter. If that is a triggering subject for you, please skip down to the first page break.

Would you be mine? Would you be my baby tonight? Could be kissing my fruit punch lips in the bright sunshine. 'Cause I like you quite a lot, everything you got, don't you know that's you that I adore? ~ Lana Del Rey, Lolita

BPOV

Everything hurt as I woke up. My head was pounding, my throat was sore, and none of my limbs wanted to move. It felt like I hadn't slept at all, but also like I slept too long if that was even possible.

The room was dark, but only because the curtains were drawn. Looking over at the clock I noted it was nearly three in the afternoon. Groggily, I got out of bed and pulled on the first things I touched – some sweatpants and a tank top.

Our bedroom door was closed, which was odd, but as soon as I opened it I understood. Edward's shouts immediately assaulted me as I walked down the hall and got closer to his office.

"I don't want him dead. I want him to wish he was dead. There's a fucking difference." Edward paused when I stuck my head in his door and waved me in. "Let me know when it's done."

Edward hung up the phone and stood, pulling me into a tight hug to his chest. The way his fingers dug into my back with one hand and the way the other gently cradled my head to his chest almost made the sobs from last night return, but I only let a tear or two escape. Edward didn't say anything about them, he simply brushed them away with soft fingertips.

He pulled me into his lap and sat back down at his desk. "I have a few things I need you to sign." He pulled a few papers from the corner of his desk and set them in front of us, handing me a pen. "This is a protective order. You just need to sign here," he pointed to the bottom of one page, and then pulled out another. "And here. Legally, Jacob Black won't be able to come within a hundred feet of you. You have nothing to worry about, though. This is just a precaution."

"Is this really necessary?" I asked him, frowning at the papers in front of me. I didn't like legal papers, and I didn't like taking legal steps against anyone. The justice system was never on my side.

"He tried to rape you, Bella," Edward said, both of us flinching at his harsh words.

I signed the papers immediately.

Edward's relief was palpable as I handed him the signed papers. But then, just a second later, his tension was back. He stood from his seat, setting me down in his office chair, and started pacing the office.

"I need you to tell me what happened," he told me, tugging at his hair as he paced.

"You don't need to know –"

"Yes, I do. I need to know what he did to you, what he said to you." Edward looked at me then, his mossy eyes dark and angry. I understood it, I guess, the need to know the details. If anything happened to Edward, no matter what it was, I would want to know everything. But, the last thing I wanted to do right now was think about yesterday.

"I asked to talk to him alone. I wanted to warn him, tell him he shouldn't trust the Petrov's." I could see Edward's frustration at my decision. Hell, even as I made the decision I knew I would probably regret it. "He called me a hypocrite, said he couldn't trust me either."

Stopping for a moment, I caught my breath which was suddenly nowhere to be found. "Then he told me I ruined his marriage, ruined everything I touched. He grabbed my wrists and towered over me and said…"

Edward was next to me then, leaning against his desk as I sat in his chair. Immediately I grabbed his left hand, needing the distraction of his warmth.

"He told me I went to Chicago and started fucking a bunch of criminals, but that… he couldn't blame them because I was a good fuck."

The words tasted like bile coming out of my mouth. They were words I never wanted to think of again. "I shouldn't have –"

"Don't," Edward grunted out. His hand in mine tensed, squeezing mine tightly. "Don't ever blame yourself for what he tried to do." We sat in silence for a few minutes. Exhaustion took over again, and all I wanted to do was sleep for a week.

"You're tired. Let's get you back to bed." Edward took my hand gently in his and led me back to our bedroom. He laid with me as I fell asleep, but I could feel his tension. It didn't take a genius to understand what he was thinking about, what he was plotting.

I didn't have it in me to care about the horrible way he would make Jacob suffer.

Dark…

For the next few days, I had a constant feeling of uneasiness. It felt like something bad was looming around the corner. I couldn't sleep, could barely keep any food down, I was just off. Edward worked from home every day since I had been back. He went out to do… something around midnight most nights, but I was usually feigning sleep by that time.

Then Saturday dinner came along and for the first time since we started them, I was dreading it. I didn't want to pretend to be happy, but I also didn't want to dive in to all of the reasons why I wasn't currently happy. Alice Whitlock and Rosalie Cullen were not ones to take no for an answer when they wanted something, and they loved getting in everyone else's business.

It was just them. They liked knowing about everyone's lives, and they liked helping if they could. Personally, I didn't care about anyone else. They could do what they wanted, make their own mistakes, whatever. But, that probably came from the years of people intruding on my own life. Maybe if I had grown up differently I would have turned out like them.

Dinner was at our house tonight, so I threw on an old reputation crop top and pulled on a comfortable pair of black jeans. Edward was in his office working, probably impeccably dressed in a suit despite the fact he hadn't gone anywhere all day.

I went downstairs and started setting the food out. We had ordered from one of Jasper's restaurants, and Ben picked it up a few minutes ago. With the mood I was in, I would have burned boiling water had I tried to cook anything.

With everything set up, I went to the living room and sat on the couch to enjoy the quiet while I could. A few minutes later I heard Edward come down, and he silently sat next to me, a gentle hand on my thigh.

Before either of us could say anything, the front door swung open and everyone piled in. I hadn't seen everyone for months, so I was subjected to hugs all around. I did my best to put on a happy smile.

We all ended up seated around the living room. Alice and Rosalie were talking about pregnancy hormones or something along those lines, Edward was in the corner with Emmett and Jasper and didn't look pleased with whatever they were talking about. Jared was actually on the floor playing with Alec, which surprised me. And Maggie was sitting next to me on the couch, telling me about her classes.

She had just started at Northwestern this past semester and seemed to love it. Not that she needed it, but she got a pretty hefty scholarship because of her grades and activities in high school.

"I'm also taking this criminology class, which is really interesting. It's mostly about the criminal justice system, but we just started discussing some of the biggest criminal cases in the Chicago area. You're one of them," Maggie told me, excitedly going on about the subject. She didn't mean any harm by saying it, I knew she wasn't vindictive like that, but the words were like a punch to the gut.

I would go down in history as being part of one of the biggest criminal trials in the city. Fantastic.

"… There's this whole chapter on you in the textbook and –"

"Do you have it? The book?" I interrupted. Maybe it wasn't as bad as I was making it out to be in my head.

"Oh, yeah!" Maggie dug around in the bag she brought with her and pulled out a thick textbook, quickly turning to an earmarked page.

I had an entire chapter of a criminology textbook devoted to me. It was simply titled The People v. Isabella Cullen. I skimmed the chapter, only paying attention to a few of the details.

Cullen was charged with conspiracy to commit murder and first-degree murder, though her conspirator was never caught or charged.

In the film made about her experiences, Cullen reveals she was attacked by a detective as well as another unknown man who broke into the station. Neither of those instances are confirmed by authorities.

It is believed that Cullen's so-called hit list was found, but the defendant explained it as simply a list of meetings. However, during the trial one of the men on the list, Michael Newton, was found dead.

Cullen solidified her loyalty to the underground Chicago crime scene when she refused to become an informant for the police following her husband's supposed death.

While Isabella Cullen is a household name due to her extensive acting and musical career, she will also forever be remembered for her ability to get away with murder.

Fuck.

Logically, I knew I could never be tried for Aro Volturi's murder again. Double jeopardy and all that. But, reading things about my ability to get away with murder always left me paranoid. The justice system deemed me innocent. That should be the end of the chapter. Not the implication that I was a cold-blooded killer who got away with murder.

Even though I was.

After all these years, I still rarely throughout about the whole situation. I was fantastic at avoiding things when I wanted to. But the truth of the matter was that I did plan and execute Aro's murder. I wanted him dead, and he ended up dead.

How could I be mad at the book when it was the truth? How could I be upset with potentially being charged with perjury when I knowingly committed it?

Fuck, I was spiraling. Pushing Maggie's book back at her, I got up and went straight for the bar. Edward always kept it completely stocked, so I reached for the first bottle I saw and poured myself a glass with shaking hands.

"Are you okay, Bella?" Rosalie asked as she exited the kitchen and passed me.

"Fucking peachy," I grunted, taking a long sip of… whatever it was I had. It burned as I swallowed.

"Is this because of that letter?"

The glass froze at my lips. "What letter?" Jesus, what more could go wrong?

"This woman came up to me at the grocery yesterday. She said she knew you and handed me a letter. I gave it to Emmett to give to Edward, did you get it?"

Just as she finished her sentence, all three men came downstairs. I never even noticed them go up there.

"Rosie –" Emmett groaned.

"What letter?"

"She said her name was Eleanor… no, Elena I think," Rosalie asked, her eyes wide. She was simply trying to help, try to diffuse the situation. She didn't realize she was only making it worse. "You do know her, right?"

"She's –"

"No one say another word," Edward bellowed. Everyone in the room froze. "No one is to speak of this again, am I understood?" There were tentative nods from everyone, even little Alec on the floor with Jared. "Isabella, come with me," Edward said, his voice softer now.

I approached him at the stairs and followed him to his office. Taking a seat across from him, I felt like a teenager who had just gotten sent to the principal's office.

"Elena Rossi approached Rosalie yesterday at the supermarket. Emmett gave me this letter this afternoon. None of us have read it, I was going to give it to you after dinner." He pushed a simple white envelope toward me.

Staring at the desk, I imagined what could possibly be in the letter. Was she begging for money? Did she still want me to help her become an actress? I had met the woman for about three minutes years ago. What could she possibly want now?
"We can shred it and throw it away if you'd like," Edward offered.

A second later, I tore open the envelope.

Isabella,

I hope this letter finds you well. Our first meeting was nothing like it should have been. I know you don't owe me anything, but I would like the opportunity to explain my actions. If not, I hope you have found your happiness.

All my love, Elena

Her phone number was at the bottom. I read the short note three times before I slid it across the desk toward Edward.

God, when it rains it fucking pours.

Did I want to get to know Elena? Did I care about her excuses, or trust her enough to even tell me the truth? All I had was three minutes' worth of interaction with her, and I was fairly certain she was high on something at the time.

"What do you want to do?" Edward asked

"I'd like to get in the shower, maybe get in a good cry, and then go to sleep for a very long time," I replied honestly. It seemed like everything was crashing down around us and it was exhausting.

"You don't have to talk to her if you don't want to, Bella. We can forget about the whole thing."

"It's not just the letter," I said, shaking my head. "Doesn't it feel like everything is falling apart? Renee and Jane's book, the perjury charge, Jac –" I couldn't even say his name. "… Hell, I'm in Maggie's criminology book!"

Edward stood from his chair and pulled me up from mine, leading me to the soft leather couch in the corner. He sat with me in his lap, his fingers gently brushing through my hair.

"That man will never touch you again, I promise. You don't have to worry about him. The criminology book, well, we've been in them for years. I'm not surprised you've been added as well. You've got quite the reputation," he said, smirking playfully at the shirt I was wearing. "But they can't do anything to you now.

"As for the perjury charge, I'm handling it. Call wants a polygraph to prove you didn't know anything before he drops it, but I'll get him to change his mind."

"I can fake a polygraph," I said, sniffling away some of my tears.

If I was in a better mood, the shock on Edward's face would have been amusing. "Excuse me?"

"When Charlie would work late, and Renee was out with Jane, I spent a lot of time at the police station. There was this man, William, who worked with polygraphs. He taught me how they worked, tested them on me and told me how to fake one. He would joke about it, telling me it would be thanks to him if I ever got away with murder," I said, suddenly remembering that little conversation with him.

William was a nice guy. He spent a lot of time with me while Charlie worked. I was a curious kid, so I always asked him about the polygraph machines I saw him carrying. Eventually he started using it on me and telling me all of its ticks and tricks. Even to this day I was fairly confident that I could pass one without an issue.

"You can lie to a polygraph and have it record as a truthful answer?" Edward asked, still looking completely dumbstruck. Fuck, he's cute.

"Yes."

"Well, that solves another one of our problems, then. Do you still feel like everything is falling apart?"

I shrugged. "Kind of."

Edward sighed and pressed a soft kiss to my forehead. "Do you know what day it is?"

Huh. Odd question. "Um, Saturday."

"Today is the day, seven years ago, that you put four bullets in Aro's chest." Well, shit. "You always get a little… grumpy this time of the year. I wasn't sure if you realized it happened, or why it happened."

I didn't.

"Usually, I try to take you on a little trip to distract you, but you just got back. I didn't think you'd want to go anywhere else."

I tried to think back, remember what I usually did this time of the year. Nothing popped out at me though. Obviously, it was enough of a mood swing to catch Edward's attention time and time again.

"I'm sorry," I told him, unsure what else to say.

"You don't need to apologize."

"So… everything's not falling apart?"

"Well, things aren't great. You'll have to go through a polygraph test, and deal with what you'd like to do about Elena, but no. Things aren't falling apart."

Dark…

Just days later I was sitting in the conference room of Edward's office. Call had agreed to administer the polygraph here, so I didn't have to go to the station. For once, Edward seemed more nervous than me. He was pacing the room, waiting for Call to show up.

"You need to calm down," I told him. He was only nervous for me, for which I loved him, but he didn't need to be right now.

Carlisle had an old friend who was an expert with polygraphs and Edward had him come over and test my abilities. I wasn't lying when I told Edward I was confident enough to agree to Call's demands, but he wanted more definitive proof that nothing would go wrong.

Carlisle's friend, Fred, set up the polygraph and told us how it would work. Edward had compiled a list of questions, most of which contradicted each other. I was to lie on whichever I wanted, Edward would know the correct answers.

I chose to lie on the hardest ones, the ones with answers I truly believed with my heart and soul. That would ease Edward's unease, and make me that much more confident when the day finally came, today.

It was when Fred asked me if I loved my husband, and I said no without a trace of a lie on the polygraph, that Edward decided we were done for the day. If I could lie about the one absolute truth I knew, then I was fine.

All I had to do was control my breathing, not think too hard about the questions, and keep my mind focused on happier thoughts. It was when people started internally panicking that the polygraph detected a change in their breathing and heart rate and blood pressure. If I kept myself calm I would be fine.

Edward sat next to me then, finally calm enough to stop pacing. I kept myself quiet, locked inside my own, peaceful world when people started to arrive. Edward was obviously tense as I began to get hooked up to the polygraph and the test administrator sat across from me. It was time to begin.

"Is your legal name Isabella Marie Cullen?"

"Yes."

The administrator nodded to Call, probably indicating that I was telling the truth. I turned my head away from them and focused on Edward. Call had tried to kick him out, but obviously lost that battle. He was standing directly across from me, his arms crossed as he leaned against the wall.

"Are you married to Edward Anthony Cullen?"

"Yes." These were just sample questions, ones to start me off slow before they tried to blindside me with the tough ones. I focused on Edward, the muscles in his biceps and forearms tensed. He had taken off his suit jacket and rolled up the sleeves of his button down.

"Did you shoot Aro Volturi four times after he broke into your home?"

"Yes." I studied Edward's face next. The sharp line of his jaw, and his bright green eyes looking right back at me.

"Did you know Aro Volturi was your father prior to that incident?"

"No." Edward's lips twitched, fighting a smile at something. I didn't want to break my concentration to look at what it could be.

"Ask her again," I heard someone else say.

"Did you know Aro Volturi was your father when you killed him?"

"No."

There was a crash, and I jumped in my seat. Looking around, I saw a chair overturned.

"Unhook her," Edward demanded, and the administrator immediately started removing all of the wires from me. "You'll get Viktor Petrov. Call that a win."

Call didn't look overly pleased at Edward. He would be shutting down a sex trafficking ring, but I could tell he secretly hoped to be able to take me down as well.

I briefly wondered if William was still in Forks. I would have to send him a thank you note.

Dark…

Two weeks after getting the letter from Elena, I was sitting in Edward's office, waiting for him to finish with his work. We were scheduled to meet her for dinner in an hour. Sitting on his comfortable couch, I pulled at the end of my black oversized sweater. I was never really one to fuss about what I wore, but I spent an hour staring at my closet before I got dressed today.

Black, comfortable oversized sweater that fell to my knees. Delicate grey camisole tucked into a pair of black jeans, with a pair of booties. That was good enough. At least, that was what I told myself after tossing the seventeenth outfit aside.

I didn't want to be this nervous. There was nothing I had to prove to this woman, the one that abandoned me as an infant. Was she high then, too? Was she high when she wrote the letter in the first place?

Edward had called her and set up our meeting after I asked him too. I didn't want my first real conversation with my biological mother to be over the phone. Not that I should care about that kind of thing, but apparently I did. Care, that is.

"Ready to go?" Edward asked, standing from his desk.

"No."

Chuckling, Edward pulled me up from my seat. His hands found their way inside my long sweater and rested in the back pockets of my jeans. He looked down at me, a surprisingly content smile on his face. "Have I told you how beautiful you are today?"

"I don't think so, no."

"Hmm. Terrible oversight on my part. You, Mrs. Cullen, are absolutely stunning." With his lips trailing along my neck, I couldn't help but forget about all of my worries.

"You, Mr. Cullen, are an excellent distraction."

Edward chuckled against my neck, gave my ass a quick squeeze, and then grabbed my hand. Time to go.

The restaurant was just down the street from Edward's office, so we walked hand in hand through the city to get there. I loved being able to walk out the front door and not have to think about a swarm of paparazzi. It was one of the many benefits of not living somewhere like Los Angeles or New York.

We were a little early to the restaurant, so I figured we would have a few minutes to ourselves, but the hostess informed us that our guest was already here. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

If I didn't do this, I knew I would regret it later. Nothing frustrated me more than an unfinished story, and I wanted to know what exactly happened with the woman who gave birth to me. I had no misconceptions that we would suddenly become the best of friends, nor did I even want that to happen. But I deserved to know why she discarded me.

Before Edward could open the door to the private dining room, I squeezed his hand and took three deep breaths. He waited patiently, never saying a word. When I nodded, he slowly opened the door.

The woman that stood as we entered looked nothing like the one I remember from so long ago. She had long, dark hair and deep brown eyes. Here skin was much more tanned than I ever got, and she was a few inches taller than me. But she also looked healthy. Her eyes were clear and her body language strong.

"Isabella," Elena breathed out as Edward and I approached. We all stood awkwardly over the table, unsure how to proceed.

"Elena, I'm Edward Cullen. We spoke on the phone." Edward held his hand out to her, and Elena took it with a small smile.

She held her and out to me with a million questions floating around in her eyes. I hesitated for a moment, but eventually grasped her hand lightly in my own. For a second, I thought maybe I would feel some kind of connection, have some sort of magical moment at touching the woman who gave me life for the first time that I could ever remember, but I didn't. It was simply a handshake.

Edward pulled my chair out for me, leaning down to whisper, "Relax," into my ear before he took his own seat. Before things could get too awkward, a waiter came in and took everyone's orders. I pointed to something on the menu without reading it. As soon as he was gone, an uncomfortable silence fell.

"Thank you for agreeing to meet with me," Elena said, her voice surprisingly quiet and calm. From the vague memory I had of her the night we met, she was neither of those.

"It wasn't really for your benefit," I told her. "I thought I deserved to know why I was practically thrown away as an infant." Maybe I was being overly rude or too bitchy, but I wasn't going to filter myself for this woman. She had done absolutely nothing to earn my respect. I did, however, feel a pang of guilt as she winced at my words. Being intimidating was never my strong suite.

Elena took a deep breath. "I met Aro Volturi when I was fifteen. He was older and sophisticated, a rarity in Port Angeles. Both of my parents were too drunk to care what I did. They didn't even say anything when I was pregnant, never commented on the subject at all. I told Aro about the pregnancy, and he handed me a fistful of cash and told me to take care of it. I couldn't do that, though.

"At first… I thought I could do it. I could make a life for the two of us, get out of Port Angeles and raise you on my own. But, the closer and closer it got, you got, I realized I had no way of making it on my own. I had grown up in a household where my parents were drinking themselves to death and that was the only life I had known. The only thing I had going for me was a part-time job at a local bookstore. I couldn't raise a child. I didn't want you to turn out like me."

The waiter came back and set plates of food in front of each of us, but no one paid them any mind. As soon as he was gone, Elena started again.

"Then, I had you, and I just panicked. You were this… tiny little human that relied completely on me. I was sixteen and scared and the night I abandoned you was the first night I ever had a hard drug. And I didn't stop for nearly twenty-five years.

"I went through phases where I tried to get clean, but I always relapsed. I went from town to town, job to job never really living. Just existing until my next high."

"Did you know?" I interrupted. "Did you know anything about me?"

Elena shook her head. "No. I saw some news clippings about a child that was found, so I knew you were safe, but I didn't know what happened to you or who you had become until Aro contacted me a few weeks before we met."

"What did he say to you?" Edward interjected, leaning in.

"He told me who she was and, in my drug-ridden brain, I thought you owed me. Honestly, I don't remember what I wanted from you at the time, but my intentions were never honorable. I'm sorry for how I acted when we first met."

I grabbed Edward's hand, which had been gently squeezing my knee. The warmth of his hand, and the soft squeeze he gave me back, centered me. Focused me.

"What do you do now?" I questioned.

"I'm a photo editor. A few months after we met I got back into rehab. I've been clean and sober ever since." She held up a circular coin, one of those sobriety ones. "I worked in Seattle ever since, but I got a new job at a local magazine here."

That part made me uneasy. All of this did, but what did she expect from this? Was I supposed to forgive her completely just because I knew her reasonings now? If I didn't, did that make me a horrible person?

"I'd like to get to know you, Isabella, even though I don't deserve it. I'm sorry for how I brought you into this world, and I'm sorry it was with a man as vile as Aro. Watching your trial… your testimony… it landed me back in rehab for a few weeks before I trusted myself again."

"So, I drove you to become an addict?" I snapped back.

"No! No, what I meant was I care about you, so much that it hurt to watch you go through that. I'm sorry for what Aro did to you, what he put you through. I'm sorry I wasn't the mother you deserved, but I'm proud of who you've become."

I didn't want her words to affect me as much as they did. It was much easier to hate her for all of her past mistakes than it was to forgive them and move on. But, never once had I heard a mother-figure in my life say they were proud of me.

"I went to your show, the last one you had in Seattle. You were, are, amazing at what you do. I can't take credit for who you've become, you had other parents for that –"

Elena stopped as I scoffed at that. Yeah, parents that sold me out to the authorities. "Well, you've never almost gotten me put in prison, so you're a step ahead of them."

"Did their book get you in trouble?" Elena asked, a surprising amount of worry in her expression.

It was… odd how much she seemed to care. I wasn't the kind of person who thought people could never change. I believed people could grow and change their minds and attitudes if they wanted. While what she did was horrible, it would be vindictive of me to hold it over her head forever. If she truly meant all of the things she was saying tonight, maybe I would eventually be able to move on from it.

"Almost," I replied vaguely. The last thing I wanted to talk about right now was them.

"But, did you have a good childhood? Were you happy with them?"

"My upbringing was… okay. I had a roof over my head and food on the table. Renee, the woman I thought was my mother, never hid her disdain for me. She had her own daughter who she preferred. Charlie tried his best, but he worked a lot. Then I started working when I was sixteen," I shrugged.

Elena sighed, shaking her head and looking down at her lap. "When you were sixteen you were already working, starting a career. When I was sixteen I was an absolute wreck."

"Bella is an anomaly. Very few people have the work ethic and drive she does," Edward interjected, looking over at me with an overwhelming amount of pride in his eyes.

"But you're happy now?" Elena asked, her eyes simultaneously hopeful and sad.

"Yes," I replied immediately, squeezing Edward's hand. It may have been a rocky road to get here, but I wouldn't trade a second of it.

A/N: Okay, we'll be back to Edward's POV next time! As always, I love hearing what you guys are thinking, and a lot of you had some surprising comments on the last chapter that I thought I'd weigh in on. There were quite a few who blamed Jacob's assault on the fact that Bella talked with him alone. To clarify, Jacob had never been physically violent with her. He was an asshole, but that doesn't mean she should have been worried about her physical wellbeing with him. Bella's got a kind heart and wanted to warn an old friend that he may be in danger. Hope that makes a little more sense for some of you.

Also, reputation has gotten over 400 reviews, which is pretty exciting for me! I was thinking of maybe posting an outtake for it as a thank you. Anything you all would like to see?