AN: This story has countless innuendos. There will more than likely be mentions of sexual assault. There will be very little in the way of Breaking Dawn spoilers. This is meant to be a feel-good and light story for people to enjoy.


"Alex, you know I hate being awake so early, don't you?"

Red eyes glinted in the sunlight passing through the curtains. "Yes I do."

"Then why?"

The man who's eyes still crinkled with his smile rolled over in the bed slightly. "Cause I love you."

"Please don't." His laughter echoed around the small apartment. "Its going to be a long day already without you starting anything."

"Gotta play being a couple from the beginning, don't we? Why not start now? Take off your pants."

I pulled my arms from under the sheets to try to push the laughing idiot off of our shared bed. Laughter filled the air once more, only really causing me to give up my efforts. He'd stay there if he truly wanted to and nothing would change that.

"Come on, pants off."

"They're already off. I wore a nightgown to sleep."

"I knew you cared about me."

"Help me up then caretaker."

My raised arms were grabbed by the red-eyed earlybird who was apparently confused by my statement. "Caretaker?"

"I care about you and you take it."

"I see." There was a nod and a snort of laughter as I stood from the bed and stretched. "You're not wrong. Go brush your teeth and I'll get your hair."

I glanced back at him to be sure that he was watching me. "Don't peek up my dress again."

"No grabs?" He was attempting the sad eyes to get me to waver to his silly demands.

"No."

"I'm gonna do it later regardless." I didn't answer him, instead worrying over brushing my teeth instead of whether he was dropped on his head relatively often as a child. "I'm brushing your hair for you. In some cultures that'd make us married." He smiled at me in the mirror with my brush in his hand.

"I think about throwing myself off a cliff. In some cultures that'd make me mentally unstable."

"Well you are..."

Spit in the sink.

"Ah don't be like that Ellie." In the mirror I could see he was standing in the doorway.

"Can you wash some fruits for me?"

"Only if I touch your butt first."

I met his eyes through the mirror, ignoring his grin while lifting a single eyebrow.

"We both agree I'm not mentally well...Let's not add attempted murder in that, shall we?"

He left me alone after that so that I could change clothes in peace-ignoring the yelling for me not to mess up my hair while I changed. He continued our conversation once I met him in the kitchen. "It's a fairly long list to begin with my dear, what's one more. Beheading isn't that painful."

"What about-"

He didn't let me finish. "I thought you loved me."

I snorted before shoving a strawberry in my mouth. "Yeah sure, whatever helps you sleep at night." After that I finished with the strawberry before talking again so I wouldn't choke. "One day I'll follow through with the threat." Often enough there were threats of turning Alex into a girl and he denies the fact that an injury such as that would heal nearly as well as beheading.

"So when can I have a bite?"

I hummed and didn't answer until after I finished eating another strawberry. "Don't be greedy or you'll get fat."

"More of me to love dear." The idiot stood up and posed beside me so that I could check him out. I did so-of course I did, he's gorgeous- but still snorted. "More of my mind is gone to insanity. That cliff looks mighty pleasing to me right now."

"It's alright, you can touch my ass. I won't mind." He edged closer to me so I just tapped his jean clad ass just to please him. "See, nice and firm."

One hand stayed on his ass to shove him away while the other ate another berry. "You're the reason we can't have you being a guardian."

"You can call me daddy anytime."

"Yup, this is why. We can't let you go anywhere alone, can we?"

This time Alex snorted. "Nah. And I'm tons of fun to be around, so let's just say you and I are always stuck together and call it a day." He leaned down and kissed the top of my head gently. "Till death do us part my little flower."

"You're already dead."

He grinned at me before poking my forehead. "Till perma-death do us part."

"I knew it was a bad idea teaching you anything." Despite my own words, I grabbed his shirt so I could keep him at my level for me to leave a kiss on his cheek. "Please don't go for tongue on the first day."

"Please?"

"No."

"But their reactions would be so entertaining! Imagine all the little confused teens seeing this new couple in the parking lot making out."

"I don't have to imagine it." Without another word, I shoved him away and stood up. My bowl disappeared before I could blink and I wandered toward the front door to grab my shoes for the day. On the way, I glanced at the mirror in the hallway at my reflection."It's already happened twice. I don't like getting a stern talking to from an adult about PDA at school. Think I should go for makeup this time?"

A hearty laugh once again filled the space. "You and makeup? Like you even know how to put it on!"

I frowned at that and wished the idiot was nearby so I could glare at him instead of my reflection."I can put on lipstick. Every woman knows how to do that."

"Yeah, and that's it." He popped his head around the corner so he could look me over. "What look are you going for this time? Book nerd? Cheerleader? Ooh, prespective model. I can get you to bend over a car."

"Well sounds like I'm gonna be a nun."

"That could be hot."

"Cliff diving it is."

"Hot damn she's got my number!"

Both of us just laughed while Alex grabbed the two bags by the door. While I slept through the night, Alex went through the lists we had to be sure we were prepared for our newest little adventure. I made sure to tell him to do something instead of always watching me sleep like a stalker.

When it comes to driving, I'll always gladly give the wheel to Alex. I can drive but I'm not particularly fond of doing so. Being the speed demon that he was, Alex gladly took the wheel and became the nearly always designated driver. He mostly followed the limits, but slowed down when I complained enough to him in areas I knew had more police. Alex was allowed to drive how he wanted other than that.

Tickets meant having many more eyes on us, and neither of us want that.

Unless it was a female cop, then Alex was all for being caught and letting me sit on the hood of the vehicle and work on whatever I have in my hands at the time. Two tickets went away magically that way and we're not going to complain.

I did nag Alex constantly about exactly what he does with those women though. He made to sure assure me that he did not actually lay with any of the women and when he began to go into detail, I had to remind him that I didn't really care what he did otherwise to get us out of the tickets. One night I even mentioned that I'd love to see him getting out of a ticket through a poker match, but after three years it has yet to happen.

Alex was trying desperately to make it happen and win ten dollars.

I swore that I could do it long before with only two words.

Strip poker.

Since the deal being made, Alex was unable to get out of it and swore he'd never let me be alone with a male police officer.

"Next stop put your contacts in," I pointed out while I dug in my bookbag. The contacts had previously been in the bottom of the bag, under a case of pencils. "I have another two pairs in my bag for the day as a just in case."

"So why aren't you going with a purse this time?"

I glanced over to see he was looking at me from the corner of his eye so I shrugged "Sometimes when we start over, I want to be someone new. Last time I had one, so this time I'm not gonna have one on me while at school."

He nodded his head and held out his hand for me to put the contacts in. "So the purse you have is for while you're not in school being a good little girl and getting all your knowledge?"

"Exactly. And the last two we went to, I was not paying attention to half of what they said. Stop trying to sexualize me. I'm not your toy."

At the stop Alex quickly put in his contacts and stared at me with brownish eyes. "You're not? Well damn. That's news to me."

"Shocking, I'm sure." I spent a little too long trying to organize the mess that is my bag. Alex may have way too much time on his hands, but he definitely doesn't bother using it to organize anything he doesn't deem important enough. From the mess of the bag, he probably just threw everything in that had been laid out on the coffee table.

"I'm sure it is shocking," he replied with a grin. I groaned at his...well him in general before tossing my slightly organized bag in the back seat. I grabbed his bag but was stopped with his hand on my shoulder. "No, keep turned around like that. This gives me the perfect view down your top. Nice bra."

"Thanks. Here's to hoping my supposed to be hidden clothing will attract many potential mates." A simple shrug removed his hand to allow me to sit forward again.

"How do you say it? Your milkshake brings all the boys to the yard?"

Loud laughter escaped me at that. "Damn right, it's better than yours!" While on some occasions I regret teaching Alex certain things, other times I'm insanely glad for him. "Seriously though if it looks this good I might need to change styles tomorrow."

"Nah, it looks good on you," he replied with a gentle smile. "You normally wear jeans, so I'm really glad you're wearing a dress, even if it is pink."

"I'd like to defend myself and say it's something like maroon or lavender or mauve...or some other fancy color, but nah it's pink. At least it has red in it as well." I jestured toward the collar of the dress then at the hem on the bottom. "And jeans are easier to wear when we take care of things back home. In school it's just walking and lifting bookbags until gym, and we keep opting out of that." I began digging through his bag again before pulling out a little packet and holding it out toward him.

"Might wanna put that a bit further down. People will be able to see you holding that."

I stared at him in utter disbelief. "Really Alex? Really?"

"Gotta look the part."

"You wasted our money on this?"

"Yeah."

"You could've bought flavored lube or something-if that's made yet-and you bought this? And you only have the one and not the whole box with you." He finally glanced back toward me with his brown eyes. "You didn't even put a thong in there."

"Should I have?"

"At least I could've worn it. And while I wouldn't eat the lube, it at least would've had a nice smell and be useful. This smells like latex." I smelled the packet just to be sure I was right-I was- before tossing it into the back seat.

Alex's eyes glanced into the rearview mirror to see the back seat. "That's gonna be seen easily."

I shrugged. "I'll nudge it under the seat later."

"I'll keep the thong in there, just for you."

"Not if you have any food in there. I'm not wearing a thong that could have crumbs." That's just nasty to think about.

"You'll wash it before wearing it anyway."

"True." I continued working on his bag a bit longer, seeing that he had less pencils than I did. He probably was going to mooch the pencils from me if the amount I had said anything. "Orange."

"Hmm?"

"I want an orange thong."

"My flower..." Alex glanced toward me once more. "Out of all colors, why orange? It would not look good on you."

"For that exact reason. Red and black are the most common colors. Blue and green are both appealing in their own ways and I'm sorry but I'm not wearing white panties. No offense, but no."

"No teal for you then? It'd match your eyes."

"Nah, orange or yellow for the absurdity of it. Neon colors aren't out yet I don't think." I took in the scenery around us, curious to see where we were. There wasn't too much city life around us, so I can only assume that Alex's speed got us farther than I thought we'd be in the time it took. "We close yet?"

"Almost. Why those colors?"

"They'll never been worn and look nice, so someone has to do them justice. Otherwise a stripper will wear them and that would never prove that those colors can be classy." Alex's tidied bag was tossed in the back seat just as mine before I reclined in the front seat.

"You could be a classy stripper you know."

"I'll be sure to get some nice glasses when I start my new career then."

"Thanks. I knew you loved me." He leaned over and kissed my cheek while I watched the road ahead of us.

"As much as I love having a rash. Eyes on the road. I don't care how good you are, if you crash I can die. That would kinda suck and put a damper on my Friday."

It was quiet a moment. "It's Monday."

"Yeah, I know. I'm not doing anything other than school though. I have plans Friday and dying would cut into them."

"Watching cartoons in the evening doesn't count as having anything to do."

I groaned and allowed my head to fall back on the headrest. I took in the ceiling for a moment before looking over at Alex. "Well while you're busy necking, I've gotta have something to do. I can't work on any puzzles or word searches when my brain isn't all there."

"What about ice cream?"

"Eh, my period should be starting so I do like the idea of that, but I could still drop some on the couch. We'll decide when the time comes, and by that I mean you and I can go shopping Thursday for some ice cream."

Alex hummed for a moment. "And pads. You told me to remind you next time we went shopping that you needed more."

"And this is why I love you."

A boyish grin crossed his lips. "I knew you'd fall for my charms."

"Like a swan with a brick tied to it." My eyes returned to the road when I felt the car slowing down. "Finally here huh?"

"Yep. Living up to the dream?"

"Its supposed to look decrepid so I suppose." My attention left the weird bunch of buildings as Alex turned into the parking lot.

He snorted before glancing at back at me. "It's just kinda run down."

"Same thing. I like it though. Big city schools are kinda crappy. Too many teenagers in one spot, you know?"

"Of course I know." He leaned over and tapped my temple slightly before moving into a parking spot. "Now get up and out. We've gotta get into the office."

A groan left me while I did as he said, slower than him to put off getting the boring day started. I wasn't even completely out of my seat before Alex was beside me. Since he was going to be quick about it, I left the door for him to close so I could get into the back seat to try to attempt to hide the stupid packet the idiot decided to waste our money on. I could do so without the hand on my ass though.

"Hey Elizabeth?"

"Yeah Alexander? Before you ask, I'm hiding what you wasted our money on."

"I found her."

"Hmm? Did you? Is she pretty?"

He chuckled and tapped my ass. "Yeah, like a little pixie I think. She looks amused."

I backed up slightly to push Alex's hand away before lifting my right leg to partially climb into the back seat. The plan is to tuck the packet under the back seat behind the driver so if it's ever found it could be blamed on the driver himself and not me.

Not that it would work, but I'd still attempt it if anyone were to find the packet.

"Should she get the thong instead?"

A snort left him. "She's a vampire too. She heard that and thinks you're hilarious."

"Good, use this waste of latex with her. Also warn her you like to grab asses way too often. And steal underwear actually. And you know what, I'm not sure how many times you've come in the bathroom while I was showering just to ask me what I wanted to eat for breakfast." I looked behind me to watch Alex, who was grinning back down at me. "She's gotta be yours. You're smiling like a damned fool."

"I am a damned fool."

"Isn't that the truth. Now move. I'm not backing up."

"Back that ass up pretty girl."

"My god would you stop that you absolute dumbass." I laughed at his stupid comment. "Seriously, remind me to stop telling you things that you use later in the worst ways."

"I'll need to write all of this down Ellie." He moved away and helped me from the seat, grabbing the two bags when I grabbed them and passed both to him. "I need to remind you to pick up pads, ice cream, a thong-"

"Orange please."

"And now I need to remind you to stop telling me way too many things."

I tried to hide the small laughter and lightly hit his chest, knowing hitting any harder would just hurt me. "Yeah, so who's the lucky girl?" The car door closed easily and a quick glance at the vehicle beside me said that our vehicle is better off than the others.

"That one." He nodded his head slightly in the other direction and I glanced behind me to see who the lucky gal was.

"Well damn, looks like I ended up in Twilight." I sighed and tilted my head slightly as I stared at the full family staring back at me. "Well, at least I know you'll enjoy your partner quite a bit. She's a very excitable one."

"Hell yeah."