I got so scared, I thought no one could save me. You came along, scooped me up like a baby. Every now and then the stars align, boy and girl meet by the great design. Could it be that you and me are the lucky ones? Everybody told me love was blind, Then I saw our face and you blew my mind. ~ Lana Del Rey, Lucky Ones
BPOV
Nearly everyone in Chicago was petrified of my husband. I saw the looks he got walking down the street. They weren't the same ones I got, people looked at me like I was an animal in a zoo; something exotic and exciting to stare at for hours. Edward got the looks I would imagine an escaped convict would get running down a crowded street still in their prison uniform. They were all scared eyes and slack jawed looks.
It was odd, thinking that so many people could be scared of him as I watched him sleep. All I saw when I looked at him was crazy bed hair and a jawline that was perfect for kissing. This morning though, I saw him as the man whose baby was currently growing inside of me. Somehow it made him more desirable than he was before if that was possible.
He had been so good to me, checking on me when we were at work and talking through every single one of my fears last night. He never told me any of them were irrational or stupid and he never made me feel guilty about being so scared.
I kissed his pouty, sleepy lips once, twice, three times before his eyes slowly opened. Hazy green staring back at me and making my heart skip. He gave me a good morning smirk and I took my free hand and ran it down his deliciously bare chest. I kissed my way down his jaw just because I wanted to and found my favorite spot in the crook of his neck.
"You smell good," I whispered, mostly talking to myself but I felt his body shake with a small laugh. It was true, so I wasn't embarrassed to admit it. He smelled like the bubbles from our bath and fresh cotton sheets and a warm summer day all in one.
Strong fingers got tangled in my hair as Edward pulled my lips to his. Our kiss was slow at first, just lips barely brushing. I could tell Edward wasn't expecting more than a morning kiss because he tensed when I started biting at his lips and hitched a leg over his hip.
He let me push him onto his back easily. I braced my forearms on the bed beside his head and enjoyed the way his lips moved with mine. It was when I rolled my hips against his that he froze again.
"Are you sure?"
There were very few things I was sure about these days, but wanting my husband was one of them. I nodded and resumed my adoration of his lips. Warm hands slid along my back, fingers lightly skated over my spine and sent a shiver through my entire body.
Edward sat up quickly, his back against the headboard, and pulled me right into his lap. My arms wrapped around his neck as tightly as I could without actually choking him. There was a new desperation coursing through me, the need to be as close as possible to him overpowering everything else.
As I sunk down on his length I worked to keep my eyes open and locked on his. I loved that I could practically see the pleasure in his eyes. We were both still for a moment, having a silent conversation, reveling in the closeness and enjoying every spot where we touched.
The soft squeeze of a hand on my hip spurred me on as I started steadily raising and dropping myself over him. It wasn't long before we set a frantic pace. My hands grasped at anything that could give me more leverage and help me move; the wall, Edward's shoulder, his hair, nothing was off limits.
We didn't communicate in anything more than grunts and moans. Edward kept a hand on my hip, steadying me over him. His other roamed as he pleased; squeezing my ass, sliding along my back, flicking a nipple with just enough pressure to make me groan.
I threw my head back as my orgasm shot through my body, prolonged by Edward leaning forward and nipping at my neck as he came inside me.
The time it took us to recover was calm. Hands continued to roam but not as frantically as minutes before. Lips caressed places where teeth had left harsh red marks.
Sometime later Edward stood, keeping me in his arms, and carried me to the shower. He smiled down at me, peppering kisses along my forehead and cheeks as he washed my hair. Hands that were feverishly grasping at me moments ago caressed my skin carefully as he washed me. This time when he knelt and kissed the small bump of my abdomen there were no hysterical sobs, just happy tears.
…Dark…
"I can tell them by myself," Edward repeated, turning the car off. We had just pulled up to Carlisle and Esme's home. It was Sunday and Esme was having her usual dinner with the family, the one Edward and I hadn't come to in nearly a year.
The last time I had seen Carlisle or Esme had been at the hospital. I didn't even remember all of the fights I had with Esme there. Maybe the pregnancy hormones caused me to overreact, but everything about her infuriated me. It had been months since she and Edward had talked, years since she had really been a mother to him. She had no right to waltz in there and act like the grieving mother.
I had set aside my feelings on the issue and put up with her for years. There was nothing for me to feel guilty about regarding the whole situation anymore. Edward didn't seem heartbroken over the issue, so I didn't give it much thought either.
Now, though, I was pregnant with her grandchild. Edward and I wouldn't stoop so low as to not tell them about it, but I wasn't sure I really wanted them involved in much with the baby. I knew the other grandkids had a pretty solid relationship with their grandparents, though.
"No, I should be there." I unbuckled my seatbelt and by the time I was free Edward was opening my door. I got a kiss to my cheek as he wrapped an arm around my waist and led me to the door.
At dinner last night everyone had agreed to tell Carlisle and Esme Edward and I were coming tonight. Emmett opened the door before we could even knock and the look on his face said it all; tonight was going to be rough.
We were on time for once. We figured if things went south once we told them it would be easier to make an escape during drinks as opposed to dinner.
Everyone was in the lavish living room. Esme was sitting in a chair opposite of Jasper and Alice, who had little Delilah in her arms. Emmett joined Rosalie and Alec on another couch, and Carlisle was pouring a drink at the bar. Jared was sitting a near the kitchen, some gaming system in his hands.
"Edward, Bella," he greeted us with a smile. "Can I make you a drink?"
"Scotch," Edward said immediately.
"Water, please."
Edward and I stood somewhat awkwardly near one of the couches. Carlisle handed us our drinks and sat in a chair next to Esme. An uncomfortable silence fell around us.
"Bella's pregnant. We thought you two would like to know."
My eyes widened and I looked up at Edward. He was in full business mode, which made me sad. Telling his parents he was having a child shouldn't be work.
"Pregnant?" Carlisle asked, his eyes probably as wide as mine.
"Yes. Sixteen weeks."
"Well, that explains your attitude at the hospital." Don't take the bait. Don't take the bait. "How irrational, keeping me from my son after he was in a plane crash," Esme huffed, taking a sip of her martini.
"Irrational," I puffed to myself. Edward tightened his grip on my hand. "How self-centered to make your sons plane crash all about you." I still remembered the way she talked the whole time. She either talked about Edward like he was dead or was going on about how she had felt something was wrong all day. Always making things about her one way or another.
"You get pregnant and you think you know how to be a parent?"
"I know that if I had a son and he was happily married I would try my hardest to get along with the person who made him that way," I snapped back. "You were polite in the beginning, I guess. It was all for appearances sake, obviously, but it was polite. Then something happened, I don't know what, and you just got spiteful and mean."
"I've never thought you were –"
"A proper wife for him, yes, I know. We've had this conversation before. But it's more than that."
I didn't spend my time caring much about the Esme issue, but now that I thought about it, there had to be more. She still had her polite façade going when we got married, but it was shortly after that when she got cold and standoffish. Shit.
"A proper wife, meaning a wife who could give him a child," I gasped. It was Emmett and Rosalie's wedding that turned her so cold, the night she found out I couldn't have a baby.
Esme said nothing, but I could see a slight change in her expression that told me I was right. God, this woman was infuriating.
Edward stood and pulled me with him, but I wasn't done. "So you looked down on me because your husband had me fucking shot and I couldn't have a child."
"You obviously can, though. Was that all a lie? Were you just trying to hold peoples' attention?"
"Enough, Esme," Edward said, pulling me toward the door. "You know now, that's the only courtesy we're giving you."
She didn't mean for me to hear her, but I did. It was just as Edward pulled me past where she stood that Esme whispered, "That baby will end up just like you; tossed aside because its mother couldn't handle it."
I didn't think, just acted as my hand connected powerfully with her cheek. There was an audible gasp among everyone. Edward grasped Esme's hand as she raised it to retaliate.
"Touch her and this night will end in a very unfortunate way," Edward grunted.
"Never speak to me again," I told her, eying the bright red spreading across her cheek.
Edward pulled me out and put me in the car. He gripped the roof and door, looking down at me for a minute. "Please don't believe anything she says."
I scoffed. "I won't. She's fucking insane."
Just as Edward closed my door the front door opened and everyone except for Carlisle and Esme came out. I rolled down the window to hear what they started telling Edward.
"Dinner at our place. Bring your slapping hand, Bella!" Emmett shouted, jumping into his Jeep.
It was late that night, not long after I had gone to bed that I felt Edward climb in next to me. I was too tired to move but I felt a soft kiss to my forehead. I expected a subsequent arm to wrap around my waist and pull me close, but that didn't happen. The bed dipped in the middle and then I felt his hands on my stomach, underneath my t-shirt.
"Hey," he whispered. For a moment I thought he was talking to me. I had just worked up the energy to respond when he kept going. "Your mom and I… Christ, that sounds weird. Anyway, we don't really know what we're doing with this whole baby thing. There might be some bumps along the way, but I promise we're going to make sure you have a better childhood than she did, and a better adult relationship with your parents than I do with mine."
I felt his breath against my abdomen as he sighed. "While we're talking, I need you to take it easy on your mom. She's the most important thing in the world to me and I don't like seeing her sick. I know you need her a lot right now, but try to go easy on her, okay?"
The bed dipped again and Edward was next to me, an arm draped over my waist.
…Dark…
It had been a full week since Edward came home and found me surrounded by pregnancy tests. It seemed like once my tiny little bump appeared, it decided to make up for lost time. There was a definite bump now, there was no denying it. Not as big as most people at seventeen weeks according to my recent google history, but it was there. It was a good thing it was winter and I could get away with wearing a sweater that concealed it most days.
It was nearing midnight now and Edward still wasn't home. He told me he had to work late, much to my disappointment. I had become very needy with him lately and I knew it. Things just felt better when he was around, I wasn't as anxious or nervous about everything. I had tried to go to sleep earlier but couldn't get comfortable in bed without him.
That was how I ended up sitting up in bed, a plate of snickerdoodles next to me, and my list in front of me. This morning I started writing down everything that needed to be done within the next few months. I was already a few pages in; it covered everything from creating a nursery to learning what went into a nursery to buying clothes that would fit me in a week.
Earlier tonight I had called Heidi and told her I couldn't do any press for Savage. It was originally slated to come out in a few months, and I wasn't going to risk anything by putting too much stress on myself. I couldn't tell her that, of course.
The production on the film had hit a snag and it was already a few months behind schedule, which worked in my favor. Heidi gave in eventually when I told her I would do the press in about a year if they wanted to push it back that long. If not, I wasn't doing anything. I didn't even really want to do it in a year, but I had a contract.
I crossed off Call Heidi from my list with a smile. There was nothing like the adrenaline rush of crossing something off of a to-do list.
Just as I took another bite of a cookie the bedroom door opened. Edward looked surprised to find me sitting up in bed. "You should be asleep."
"Couldn't sleep without you," I said, my voice slightly grumbled from the cookie.
Edward came and sat next to me, giving me a quick kiss to my cheek. "That's quite the list you have there."
"There's a lot to do."
He grabbed the pad of paper and started scanning over the items. I grabbed another cookie.
"We don't need to hire someone to paint a nursery. I'll do it."
My brows shot up. "You don't do things like that. You always hire someone."
"I don't paint every room in the house because I don't have the time or desire. It's a fatherly thing to do, I think. Just pick out the color and I'll handle it."
Color. That was also on the list. "We need to know the sex to pick a color."
"We've got the envelope," Edward said, reaching into my bedside table to get said envelope.
Of course, a whole new slew of worries popped into my head at the sight of the envelope. Edward had told me time and time again it wasn't necessary for him to have a child, a son specifically, to carry on his legacy. I had a feeling he was making it sound far less important than it actually was.
"Are you going to be disappointed if it's not a boy?" I whispered, dropping my eyes to my hands.
"Isabella," he said, tugging my chin up gently when I didn't look at him. "You're pregnant when, a week ago, we both thought it was impossible. Nothing about this is going to disappoint me, okay?"
"Okay." I sat on the edge of the bed next to him, my stomach a jumble of butterflies. Looping my arm with Edward's, I watched as he slowly opened the envelope and pulled out a small piece of paper.
Boy.
I pressed my face into Edward's neck, attempting to hide the tears that started spilling the moment I read the card.
"Good tears or bad tears?" Edward asked quietly.
"Good. I'm sorry all I do is cry now." It was really getting ridiculous. The minute Edward told me not to push down anything I was feeling it was like I had no control over my emotions anymore, something I had once been an expert at doing. Now all I could picture in my mind was a miniature Edward walking around the house, crazy hair and all, and it was making my mind spin.
I looked up at Edward and could see the wheels turning in his head, his eyes still locked on the paper. There were thoughts running through his mind that I knew I wouldn't want to know. Thoughts about who our son could likely become in the future. Things he would do that I didn't want to think about right now.
But, if he became anything like the man sitting next to me, there would be nothing to worry about.
…Dark…
"I don't want you to go," I whined, wrapping my arms around Edward and locking my hands together behind his back. I was being petulant and childish but I truly didn't want him to go. I wanted him with me at all times and him flying to New York for the night did not sit well with me.
"I'll be back as soon as possible, I promise," he said, lightly kissing the top of my head.
Before I could beg some more, the front door opened right behind us and Jasper walked in. "Ready?"
"She just needs to go pack a bag," Edward replied.
"What?"
"You're going to go stay with Alice and Jasper for the night. Just while I'm gone."
"No, I'm not." I was upset at being left by Edward, but I wasn't desperate enough to pawn myself off on Alice and Jasper, the ones with a newborn child they had to take care of.
"Yes, you are." He used his firm end of discussion voice that he still thought worked on me.
"You're going to send me there so they can babysit me? I'm a grown woman, you know." Yes, I was just begging him to stay and no I didn't want to be left home alone but that didn't mean I wasn't physically able of doing it. I was just pregnant and needy.
"The last time I left you alone you spent a year in jail."
"No, the last time you left me alone you were in a plane crash."
"Either way, it's best if you're not alone."
With a sigh I looked up at him, intending to frown but the sight of his worried eyes made me stop. He was just trying to take care of me in any way he could. "Okay."
"Thank you," he whispered against my cheek, giving me one more kiss before turning toward the door and Jasper. "Take care of her for me."
"I will," Jasper said, a smirk on his face. "Alice has quite a few plans for you, Bella."
Edward turned and winked at me before he walked out the door. Smug bastard. Could have told me at any time this afternoon what his plan was, but he waited until five minutes before he had to leave.
"Anything I could do to make you tell him I'm with you but leave me here?" He shook his head. "Fine. Give me ten minutes."
Upstairs, I packed a quick bag and changed into my go-to outfit these days; some leggings and an old Northwestern sweatshirt of Edward's. As soon as I was within reach Jasper pulled the bag out of my arms and led me to his car.
"He's just looking out for you."
"I know," I sighed. I truly did appreciate the thought. I just wasn't great at handling things being sprung on me these days. I wasn't great at handling anything, really. My emotions were a bit scattered.
Jasper carried my bag in once we got to his home, making a quick getaway as Alice accosted us at the front door.
She led me toward the family room where she had Delilah set up. Rosalie was already there, dressed comfortably in sweatpants and a t-shirt.
"You're so cute pregnant, Bella," Alice said happily.
She meant her statement to be comforting, but all it did was remind me of how uncomfortable I felt. "I feel gross," I grumbled, sitting on the couch next to Rose.
"Gross?" she asked while Alice sat in the chair next to Delilah's bassinet.
"Just… different I guess. I feel like my body looks different every day and I can't keep up with it. I think… I had a lot of people telling me I had to look a certain way for my career and this is the complete opposite of what has been engrained in my mind. It's just… hard. Everything seems harder these days.
"God, I'm a horrible person. I've got an actual miracle baby and I'm complaining about feeling fat." Christ, I need to pull myself together.
"You're entitled to complain, Bella. Being pregnant is hard. You don't feel like yourself half of the time, you've got this thing inside of you living off of you, and your body changes a lot. It was hard for me, and I knew we were trying to get pregnant. It all came out of nowhere for you. It's only been what… a week?"
"Almost two."
"So, you've known you were pregnant for two weeks, and you're already in your second trimester. I'd be surprised if you weren't feeling weird."
"So… all of this is normal?" It was only the last couple of days that I had started feeling weird. Weirder, I guessed. My stomach was growing and my face a little bit rounder. I always had control over how I looked, and it was now taken away from me. I didn't really care for it, though I knew it would be worth it.
"Of course," Alice said, standing and picking Delilah up. She walked over and set her carefully in my arms.
I didn't have much experience with babies. I had none, really. But it was amazing, holding a tiny little human in my arms that would grow into someone special one day. Terrifying, but amazing.
"So… you were both terrified the whole time, too?"
"Of course. We had Maggie and Jared already, but it was different. This time it was my child, that I would have from the moment it was born. It's amazing and frightening all at the same time."
"I had absolutely no experience with babies before I had Alec. I took every class, read every book, but nothing prepares you for having one in your house with you all the time."
That was another thing that was worrying me. I had absolutely no experience with children either. Never babysat as a young kid, never had friends with babies until now. Not once had I ever changed a diaper.
"You're one of the only babies I've ever held," I told Delilah, smiling as a drool-y smile covered her face, too.
"Well, if it makes you feel better, Edward asked if you two could watch Delilah for a night sometime soon. He actually looked a little nervous to ask, which isn't a look I've ever seen on him."
"Really?" He hadn't told me about it. It would be great practice, of course he would think of it. He thinks of everything these days.
"Yes. He seems to be taking everything very well. How'd you tell him about the baby?"
I told them the slightly insane story of how we found out I was pregnant. Halfway through Delilah started to get fussy and I immediately panicked and handed her back to Alice. I was a complete baby novice.
"Now, he's just… perfect. He brings me breakfast in bed every morning. If I'm in the office he brings me snacks throughout the day and checks on me. He came home early and made me snickerdoodles a few days ago because that's all I want to eat now. I feel like all I do is eat and cry but he never complains or makes me feel stupid. He's frustratingly perfect."
We talked a while longer, about everything that was making me internally panic all of the time. It made me miss Edward, because I knew this is what he wanted to happen. He sent me here so I could have uninterrupted time with the girls to get all of this off of my chest. I had no idea how he always knew what I needed, but he did.
We all called it a night early. Rose had to get back home, Alice had a baby to deal with, and I was too exhausted to stay up any longer. As usual, I was exhausted but couldn't fall asleep without Edward next to me. He had texted me earlier once he landed, and then I got another saying he was calling it an early night so he could work early tomorrow. He would be asleep by now, so calling him wasn't an option.
I snuck down the hall, walking as quietly as I could because somewhere in the house was a tiny, sleeping baby. I ended up in the kitchen, and found my absolute favorite flavor of Ben & Jerrys right on top.
With my ice cream in hand I wandered to the kitchen table. I pulled my legs up to my chest, realizing quickly that I wouldn't be able to sit like this for much longer when my stomach got just a little bit bigger. I pulled my sweatshirt over my legs and ate a spoonful of ice cream.
I wondered if I would ever feel normal again. The pregnancy would be over in a few months, but then I would have a child. Someone who depended on Edward and I for everything. Would that feel normal?
There was never a time in my life that I longed to be a mother like I had heard other women describe. There was part of me that was terrified I would hate it all, that I would miss how life used to be before the baby.
Would Edward and I still be able to be us? Would our entire lives begin to revolve around the child and our relationship fall apart? Every little thing he had done for me the past two weeks floated through my mind, and even in my panic I quickly shut that thought down.
Then, milestones that I would get to see from the little boy growing inside me swam through my head. I would see his first smile, be there when he took his first step. One day I would take him to his first day of school and see him learn to read and write. I would throw him birthday parties and fight with him as he became a teenager.
Every day wouldn't be perfect, and I was realistic enough to expect more than a few bumps in the road. But this was, without a doubt, something to look forward to. It was a big life change, but a good one.
"You okay?" Jasper asked, walking into the kitchen and making me jump.
"Yeah. You?" He looked a little rough around the edges as he sat next to me. I looked at my phone and saw it was nearing three in the morning.
"Yeah, rough night." I knew better than to ask for specifics. "I see you found your ice cream."
"Mine?"
"Edward said it was your favorite and to have it on hand in case you needed it."
I laughed to myself to try and keep from crying at the sweet gesture, both from Edward and Jasper. "Thank you."
"I saw the way Edward looked at you that night at the benefit. It wasn't the way he looked at women before. There was a… tenderness to it. It's been there ever since. You're not a woman that needs to be taken care of, obviously, but I think that's why he likes to take care of you when he can. But you, Bella… you take care of him too. You took care of all of us when we had no one else."
My entire body tensed and the hair on the back of my neck stood up. I knew exactly what he was talking about, and it was something I had vowed never to talk about with anyone other than my husband. I broke my own vow at the hospital, and now I was paying for it.
"I know it's probably not something you want to talk about. I just wanted to thank you for what you did."
I kept my eyes down and swirled my spoon in the ice cream. How was I supposed to respond? Oh, it was no problem plotting the murder of my biological father and spending over a year in jail on trial for it. Thanks, Jasper!
Jasper stood, patting my shoulder for a moment, and walked out of the room.
"You're welcome," I whispered, just loud enough for him to hear as he left.
A/N: I'm loving hearing how excited you all are, and you had some great names, too! I hope you liked this one – not quite as exciting as the last few, but they needed a little break, yeah? See ya soon!
