Change is a powerful thing, people are powerful beings. Trying to find the power in me to be faithful. Change is a powerful thing, I feel it coming in me. Maybe by the time this song is done I'll be able to be honest, capable of holding you in my arms without letting you fall when I don't feel beautiful or stable. ~ Lana Del Rey, Change

EPOV

"Edward, do you have a minute?"

I looked up, too engrossed in my work to have heard my office door open, and saw Alice walking in. "Is everything okay?"

"I wanted to talk about Bella, actually. Make sure she was okay. I haven't seen her since…" Since the three days I abandoned her at your house I guessed is what she was trying to refrain from saying.

It had been nearly a month since everything went down. A month of knowing my father had been out to destroy us all. Most of us were handling things fine, I had no guilt for what I had to do because I did it for the safety of our family. The one person I thought would have a hard time with it was Alice, but she was surprisingly calm about the whole thing.

"She hasn't been going to see you?" That was news to me. As far as I knew, Bella had been keeping up her routine of spending her days with Alice and Delilah, or Rose and Alec.

"No, Rose hasn't seen her either."

It had been a stressful fucking month, and I had been trying to take care of everything so Bella wouldn't have anything to worry about. I kept her away from the funeral, for a few reasons. One, she was far too pregnant to hide. The last thing we needed was the world weighing in on her pregnancy. Two, she shouldn't have to pretend to mourn a man who had threatened her more times than I could count, a man who would have killed her and our unborn child in a heartbeat.

I had been working nonstop since everything went down. When I saw her, Bella seemed fine; healthy, always smiling when we went to doctor's appointments. Those appointments were sometimes the only time I saw her awake for a few days. I had just assumed she was still spending time with Alice and Rose while I was working.

"I'll take care of it," I told her, discarding what I was working on and heading toward the door.

"Edward?" Alice said quietly beside me before we left the office. Then, a second later, she wrapped her arms around me. I froze for a moment, but gently returned her hug a second later.

"Thank you for everything you do. Da – Carlisle might not have seen what a good leader you are, but I do. I know there are a lot of things you guys do to protect us that we know nothing about. Thank you."

"You're welcome," I replied somewhat awkwardly. I never really talked about this kind of thing with Alice.

"I know Bella's done a lot, too. Things I never could have done. Tell her she can come back over any time, okay?"

"I will. Thank you, Alice."

With that, we went our separate ways. I berated myself the entire way home for letting Bella fall to the sideline while I dealt with everything. This wasn't the time for that to happen.

When I walked in the house it was silent. She wasn't in the kitchen, or in her movie room. I was heading toward our bedroom when I spotted her; sitting in the middle of the nursery surrounded by boxes. We both looked at each other, surprised to see one another.

"What are you doing here?" we asked at the same time.

"Folding baby clothes that I bought online. Why are you home?"

I moved a few piles of tiny clothes she had sitting around her, and sat cross legged on the floor in front of her. "Why haven't you been going to see Alice and Rose?"

"Because if I don't leave the house nothing bad can happen to either of us," she admitted, placing a hand lightly on her belly.

"Bella."

"It's safe here, so I'm going to stay here for a while. It's no big deal, Edward."

"It is a big deal," I told her, trying to keep my frustration at myself out of my voice. "I'm supposed to make sure you feel safe and I haven't done that."

"It's not your fault, it's his." Bella's head fell, her eyes trained on the floor. I had never seen her look so defeated. It was heartbreaking.

"I need one week." Her head popped up and she eyed me skeptically. "One week to tie up a few loose ends at work and then I'll be here, with you, until the baby comes. I already blocked off three months, for the most part, after the due date."

"Edward, we still have at least –"

"I'll still work from home for a while, but we need some time. Just you and me to get things ready."

Bella sighed and leaned forward, her head resting on my shoulder. "I'm sorry."

"How many times do I have to tell you not to apologize?"

"This isn't anything pregnancy related. I'm sorry for everything else. Carlisle snapped because of me. If we had never met –"

"If we had never met I would be the same egotistical asshole hooked on cocaine. I have many regrets in my life, Isabella, but meeting you is not one of them."

"He said –"

"I know what he said."

The words my supposed father said to my wife that day were forever engrained in my brain. The panic I felt when I answered Bella's call and heard their conversation was unparalleled. There was this menacing quality in his voice, something I had never heard from him before.

I listened to their conversation as I sped home, racking up a few red-light tickets along the way. I nearly swerved into oncoming traffic when I heard the gunshots. It was an all too familiar sight when I got home, seeing Carlisle with a gun pointed at my wife. The only difference now was he was pointing it at my unborn child now, too.

There was no guilt to be felt when I shot him in the shoulder that afternoon, or when I had Emmett and Jasper tie him up in his house for the next three days. None of us felt bad about what we had to do to get all of the information out of him before we got rid of him for good.

Our family business had a very simple goal; protect the family at all costs. It was what I had grown up knowing, and helped me rearrange my morals to fit with my lifestyle.

"Carlisle had his issues long before you came along, Bella. Now, we're going to forget about the whole fucked up situation. He's not our problem anymore. We're both going to focus on this, okay?" I placed my hand over her belly, enjoying the slight kick I felt underneath my hand.

"He likes the sound of your voice. He kicks more when you're around," Bella said, smiling up at me. The first real smile I had seen in weeks.

Dark…

"Are we ever going to get to know what you're having, or are you going to make us wait until you pop?" Alice said from across the dinner table.

"I already told you, Alice," Bella said, rolling her eyes and taking another bite of chicken.

"What? No, you didn't!"

Bella cocked her head to the side, frowning at Alice. "I didn't?"

"No!" Alice and Rosalie both said this time.

It had been a little over a week since I had found Bella on the floor of the nursery and we hashed some things out. True to my word, yesterday was my last day going into the office for a while. It was time to focus on my family. Fuck, I'm going to have a family.

I dropped an arm around Bella's shoulder's and pressed a kiss to her head. The seed of panic that had started bubbling up in my chest receded.

"You know, people don't get educated enough on pregnancy. Who knew growing a human fucked with your brain so much? And, you know, that whole organ shifting thing still freaks me out."

"Bella! Tell us!"

"Huh? Oh, well…" she looked up at me and I smiled down at her, enjoying the slight blush that covered her cheeks now that everyone's attention was on her. "It's a boy."

Emmett and Jasper immediately looked at me, knowing what it meant now that I was having a son. We left the women at the table and took the dishes to the kitchen. We silently cleaned up until we heard an all too familiar voice join those of our wives.

"What are you doing here?" I asked her as we all re-entered the dining room. Esme was standing across from the table where the girls sat, staring at her with wide eyes.

"I just came to say goodbye."

I had seen Esme twice since the incident. When I had to kick her out of her own house, and at Carlisle's funeral.

Thankfully Esme had been gone when we dragged Carlisle into the house. He was gagged and tied up in his office. I was letting Emmett get a few words in while I dealt with Esme as she got back from shopping.

Walking downstairs, I purposefully left the few splatters of blood on my shirt. I stood out of her sight for a moment and watched her as she set her shopping bags down on a chair. We hadn't gotten much out of Carlisle yet. Hell, Bella got more out of him than we had so far, but we would get there. Right now, I had to see if Esme was part of the problem.

My parents' relationship never crossed my mind growing up. I got into drugs and alcohol around fifteen and never really noticed things like that anymore. Looking back, there were a few things that didn't add up. Recently, especially.

My gut told me Esme was just a girl who had been forced into an arranged marriage, something not uncommon in our community, but I couldn't be too careful. Not after what had happened today.

"Did you know?" I asked, startling Esme as she rifled through her shopping bags.

"Oh, Edward, I didn't hear you come in." She frowned at me, her eyes zeroing in on the blood that stained my white shirt.

Walking toward her, I leaned against the doorway opposite of her, and crossed my arms over my chest. "Did you know how much of a fucking piece of trash the man you married was?"

She sighed and sat down unsteadily. "I knew he was in love with another woman when we got married, but I didn't know how hateful he was. It's gotten worse as time goes on, his façade is fading. What did he do?"

"You didn't know he was trying to fuck the entire family over?"

"Of course not," Esme gasped, looking entirely too offended than she had the right to. Staring back at her, I didn't back down as she stared right back. It only took a few moments before she slumped into her chair. "I'm not the best mother, but I would never try to physically harm any of you, Edward."

She couldn't physically pull it off even if she tried, but I agreed with the statement. Kind of. Most of her issues with Bella had been mental wounds, but they were still there.

"Go upstairs and pack a bag. You won't be back here for a few days. Don't go in his office."

Esme stopped as she walked past me. "Is he…?"

"He's as good as dead," I told her, no remorse in my voice or mind.

"Good riddance."

It was a tricky situation, but I was confident Esme had no idea of how fucked up Carlisle was and what he was really doing. She knew he was an asshole, obviously, but that was as far as her hatred extended.

None of us were ready to rebuild a relationship with her, at least not yet. Regardless of Carlisle's shortcomings, Esme was never a great mother to us either. We just understood why that was now. It wasn't a valid excuse, but it helped to understand.

"I've got a flight to New York in a few hours."

"Have a safe flight," Alice said softly.

Esme looked toward where Bella sat, and I tensed immediately and went to stand next to her. "Good luck with the baby," she said. Her voice sounded unexpectedly sincere. Then, she was gone.

I should have felt more. My father was dead and my mother running away from us. It should have felt wrong, unnatural. Instead, it felt like freedom. The six of us were the only Cullen's left in charge now. It was a lot of pressure, but the best kind because we all knew we could handle it.

Dark…

With about a month until Bella's due date, it seemed the only place we ever went was the doctor and back. For the most part, things seemed to be going fine with Bella and the baby, but this time she had slightly high blood pressure so the doctor told her to take things easy. Spend more time off her feet than on. Something my wife had never been good at.

Despite Bella's inability to do much, even before being told to rest, my time taken off was good. It was needed. It helped ease both of our anxieties to spend time together, organizing our house and getting ready for the newest chapter of our lives.

I drew her a bath and helped her get in. I was going to give her some privacy, but as I turned to leave she asked me to join her. I was tentative at first, because Bella was becoming very sensitive to everything these days. Sometimes she wanted me constantly touching her, and a moment later she would politely ask me to back the fuck away.

My wife was the only one who was able to tell me what to do. Especially when she was in the middle of creating a human inside of her. She could ask me to fly to Italy to get her a pizza and I would.

About half an hour ago, when she was lying in bed and I was across the room working, I had been informed I was breathing too loud. Her little outbursts, if they could be called that, usually made me chuckle internally. Lord only knows what would have happened to me had I laughed out loud.

"I know I said I wanted to enjoy the whole being pregnant thing, and I have to an extent, but everything is hard. Every day something happens to my body that is either gross or painful.

"And I feel like it's hard to be us. All I can do or think about is the baby. I guess that's how it should be for a while, but we'll get back to us, right?"

I took a chance and pulled her foot into my lap and started gently rubbing the sole. She was leaning against one edge of the large tub, and I was opposite of her. "We will, I promise. We'll make a list of things you couldn't do while you were pregnant and do them all in one night after he's born and we're all settled in. Okay?"

A bright smile lit up her face. "Everything we eat will be fried, and we can have as much coffee as we want. And we can have wine and I'll be able to walk and see my feet. And sex. Lots of sex."

Like some sex deprived teenager, my entire body tensed at the word falling out of her mouth. It had been weeks, maybe a month or longer since we'd done that. I would never complain; again, the fact that the woman was growing a human being trumped all else. But, I missed my wife. She was right, it was kind of like we had already dropped all focus from us and our relationship to the baby.

We just needed to find the right balance, which was hard when Bella and the baby were still a package deal. We would find our balance and I would make damn sure she got her night of indulgence when she was able to.

"You know, you still haven't told me the name you came up with," I said, hoping to change the subject and calm my body down.

"I guess we are running out of time. Do you have any ideas?"

I had tried to come up with something, but nothing I could think of seemed right. "No, nothing sharable yet."

Then, Bella told me the name she had chosen, and the story behind it. The way she blushed explaining it, and the small smile she had on her face as she talked said it all. It was perfect. Not something I had expected from her, but the sentiment meant just as much, if not more to me.

"I still don't know what I did to deserve you, Isabella Cullen," I said, lifting her leg lightly and pressing a kiss to her adorably swollen ankle.

Dark…

I never thought about how stressful the weeks before Bella's due date would be. It seemed like both of us were constantly on edge, just waiting for something to happen. Bella was starting to get more and more uncomfortable, which seemed to mean that something was going to happen soon.

When I awoke this morning, Bella was surprisingly fast asleep so I got up as quietly as I could and left her alone. She hadn't been sleeping much the last few days. I worked in my office for a while, but after a few more hours had passed I went to check on Bella again. I hadn't seen her sleep this late in a month.

Her eyes popped open as soon as I knelt on the floor next to her side of the bed. I frowned, seeing a light sheen of sweat across her forehead, and the deep frown on her face. "Are you okay?"

"I don't feel good," she mumbled softly.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. "Are you having contractions?"

"I… think so. I started feeling something yesterday but I didn't know what it was. It's definitely something now."

I forced myself to take three deep breaths before I stood, holding my hand out for Bella. "Okay. Let's go."

She sat up, but didn't stand, letting her legs hang over the edge of the bed. "I'm scared."

Leaning down, I pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I know. Me too."

"You won't leave me if I scream at you and yell that your magic sperm impregnated me when it wasn't supposed to be able to?"

Damn, this woman and her mind were never not amusing. "No, I won't."

She finally grabbed my hand and stood. "Okay."

The drive to the hospital was odd, realizing the next time we went home we were going to have a baby with us. I had Ben drive because I was too distracted to think clearly, and because Bella seemed suddenly very needy. The last few weeks, as she got more and more uncomfortable, she seemed to not want me touching her or fussing over her. Now, she had her arms wrapped around one of mine and her head buried in my neck.

While we were in the car I made the decision not to think about what came after this and to simply focus on my wife. The woman who was about to go through something excruciating that I could never comprehend. There were still a million and one other things to worry about, but for the next however many hours that she was in labor that was going to be my focus.

With that in mind, we got to the hospital and were immediately led to a private room. Bella changed into a hospital gown the nurse gave her, telling us the doctor would be here soon.

We were both silent. Bella sat on the edge of the hospital bed and I stood leaning against the wall opposite of her. This was unchartered territory for both of us. Neither of us felt completely confident in the scenario, at it wasn't something we were used to.

After Doctor Hartman came in, time seemed to slow down. She told us Bella was in an early stage of labor, but because of her sensitive condition she wanted us to stay until the baby was born. It could be a couple hours until things changed, or it could be a day.

I called our family and told them what was happening, but informed them Bella didn't want to see anyone "until this shit is over with," as she so eloquently put it. That took up about an hour. The next few passed slowly. Bella actually managed to sleep here and there, but at one point, about five hours into our stay, even I could tell things started changing.

Bella closed herself off completely, squeezing her eyes shut as a pain I could never imagine ripped through her body. Fuck, I felt useless. There was absolutely nothing I could do to help her.

Doctor Hartman came in and said Bella was in active labor, whatever that meant, and asked Bella if she wanted the pain medication. Then, for the first time in months, it felt like I had my girl back.

"Yeah, I want the drugs. I want every fucking drug you have. Jesus, what kind of question is that?" she huffed, glaring at the doctor who just returned it with a pleasant smile. She was obviously trying not to laugh at Bella's outburst.

Once Bella had gotten her injection, it was another waiting game. I sat on a chair next to her bed, letting her squeeze the shit out of my hand whenever she needed to.

"You're so lucky you have a penis," she mumbled, somehow maneuvering us so she could rest her head against me as I leaned awkwardly over the bed.

"I'm well aware," I replied with a slight smirk. Bella's dry wit was something that her pregnancy anxieties had taken away from her, but I was glad to see it coming back.

"Thanks for putting up with me the last few months."

I sighed, brushing the hair off of her damp forehead. "Thanks for being the strongest, bravest, most breathtakingly beautiful woman I've ever known."

She gave me a tired smirk. "Always such a sweet talker."

Hours and hours and a few more hours passed. Hartman came by, and it seemed every time she left she had a deeper frown on her face. This latest check-up, she asked the other nurses in the room to leave as she took a seat on the other side of Bella. My Bella who was burying her head in my arm next to her, wiping her tears on my shirt.

"You're not progressing as easily or quickly as we'd like, Bella. You've been at six centimeters for hours. Labor is painful, but there's a certain point where we need to decide if it's too much pain."

I gave Bella's hand the lightest squeeze as Hartman continued. "It's hard to tell right now whether the complications you're having are simply your body's normal progression time or if it's a complication from the damage you sustained before. I'd like to give you another hour, and if you're still not progressing I want you to consider a cesarean."

Hartman looked at me as she spoke, and I could tell she was doing her best to avoid the surgery, but the look in her eyes told me it was inevitable. I gave her a quick nod as she left and leaned down to whisper to Bella. Nothing in particular, because there was nothing I could say that would make her feel better, but I told her any comforting thing I could think of.

The hour passed and I met Hartman outside the room as she was coming back to check on Bella.

"It's more serious than you're letting on," I said, because I knew it was true. I could see right through her, and if Bella was more lucid she would have been able to see it, too.

"I was hesitant to perform a cesarean because of all the scar tissue that she has built up. There are certain risks associated with it, but it seems we're not going to have a choice."

"I won't lose her," I told her. That wasn't a possible outcome I would accept.

"I'll take care of her. I promise," Hartman replied, looking at me with strong, intense eyes that made me believe her.

Everyone moved very quickly after that, again alerting me to the fact that the situation was more serious than everyone was saying. Bella was too worn out to notice, and I realized that might not be a good sign. Was it another signal that something was wrong, or was it normal after so many hours in labor?

I ended up in a pair of dark blue scrubs, sitting at Bella's head as they prepped her in an operating room. Looking around, everything seemed to be in place; there was an area off to the side with little things surrounding it, sized for a baby.

Sitting right above Bella, I pressed a kiss to her forehead and rubbed my thumbs along her cheeks. A quick glance up and I saw Hartman getting started and got to work distracting my wife.

She kept her eyes on me as I rambled. I talked about the day I had promised her where we would do everything her pregnancy denied her, and I told her how constantly in awe I was of her.

I thought it would take longer, but the sudden cry of a baby caught both of us off guard. We both watched as a nurse carried him over to the side of the room.

"He's real," Bella mumbled.

Leaning down, I kissed her forehead and cheeks and chin and lips. "You did so good, baby."

There was a muttered curse from the doctors surrounding us, and everyone started moving much faster.

"Put her under. There's too much bleeding."

"Get him out of here."

I looked down as Bella's eyes started to droop, and saw an anesthesiologist to my right. The baby was gone, the crying noticeably silent, and a nurse was beside me, pushing me out of the room.

"No," I grunted. "I need to –"

"There's nothing you can do for her right now, sir. A pediatrician is looking over your son. If you go to the waiting room down the hall to the left we'll come find you in a few minutes when he's been checked out."

My ears started ringing as I walked down the hall. As promised, there was a waiting room to the left. It was filled with our family. They all looked at me as I walked in, smiling faces and novelty balloons everywhere.

I was completely numb everywhere, my mind fuzzy and unable to focus. I saw a wastebasket in the corner and hunched over it, expelling what little contents my stomach had.

"What's wrong?" Alice asked, her voice small.

"After the cesarean… something went wrong. The baby's fine, I think, but Bella… Fuck!"

I think I punched a wall. My hand hurt, so that was probably what happened. I ended up hunched over in a chair, my hands in my hair and my heart about to explode in my chest.

A nurse walked in. "Mr. Cullen? Your son is being taken to your wife's room."

I wanted to do a million different things; go back to where I knew Bella was and watch over every move the doctor was making with her, I wanted to punch something else to get rid of the excess aggression that was forming in my chest, and I wanted to be next to Bella as we met our son for the first time. But, right now he was alone and new and needed someone.

Leaving my family in the waiting room I followed the nurse to our room. She told me she didn't have any information on Bella before I could ask. When I walked into the room there was another nurse standing in the middle, a tiny blue bundle in her arms. Without a word she transferred him to me.

He was small. So much smaller than I thought he would be. He was all puffy cheeks and big blue eyes. His tiny hands grasped at the air and I shifted my hold on him so I could grab the tiny fingers.

He was equal parts Bella and I. A little human we created, and he had his little fingers wrapped around one of mine. He was mesmerizing.

"Congratulations, Dad," the nurse said with a smile in her voice.

I looked up at her before she left. "My wife –"

"We know where you'll be. You'll be the first to know when she's done."

When she was gone, I sat down carefully and adjusted my hold so he was nestled comfortably against my chest. He started crying a bit, and I imagined that he missed Bella, the one who he had been connected to the past nine months, the voice he constantly heard every day.

"I know, buddy. I miss her, too. She'll be back soon," I whispered to him, praying that the first thing I had said to my son wasn't a lie.

Dark…

I refused to let anyone other than a nurse inside the room while we waited for Bella. No one else was going to meet our son before her. The nurses were a necessity, considering they had to check on him and feed him, but that was it. Each nurse told me Bella was stable and still in surgery.

I learned my first two new things about babies while we got to know each other. One, they were easily chilled because they had never been exposed to air before. Something that seemed so obvious after the nurse patiently told me. Two, they liked skin-to-skin contact. I unbuttoned the top few buttons of my shirt and he snuggled his head against me.

We talked as we waited for Bella. Well, I talked and he slept or cried or stared at me like I was insane. I was in the middle of telling him about Bella's fear of spiders when Hartman walked in the room.

"She's fine," were the first words out of her mouth and for the first time in hours it felt like I could breathe.

I set the baby down in the little crib-type bed they had in here as she went into more detail. Only bits and pieces made sense to me, because all I could focus on was the fact that she was okay. I could have lost her, but she was okay.

Hartman made it very clear that this pregnancy was a one-time thing for Bella. There was absolutely no possible way she could ever conceive or carry another child.

There were many aspects of my life where I was a greedy man; I had more money than I possibly needed and I wanted the best of everything. I had no qualms about that. This, however, was one thing I wasn't going to be upset about losing. We had more than we ever thought we would, and that was more than enough.

"Thank you," I told her sincerely, giving her hand a strong shake.

Hartman returned the shake just as strongly. "It was a pleasure working with you and your wife. You'll make great parents," she said with a smile. "Bella will be brought here in just a few minutes. She should wake up in a few hours."

She smiled down at the sleeping baby and left.

Looking down at my son, his eyes squeezed shut, I whispered softly. "Just a few more hours, buddy. Then you can meet your mom."

The past five months had been full of fear and anxiety about this little guy in my arms, but it was all gone now. As I paced around the room, watching every move he made, there was no room in my mind of worries. Everything was falling into place.

I breathed a sigh of relief as soon as Bella was wheeled into the room. She was still asleep, but she was here. I could hear her heartbeat from the monitor, and I could hold her hand.

Every few minutes I would give Bella's hand a squeeze, or drop a kiss to her forehead as she slept. I hated that such an important moment had been taken from her, that she wasn't one of the first people in the world that our son saw. But, she was safe now. On her way to recovering for a lifetime of firsts with him.

I talked to the baby again as we waited for Bella to wake up, told him about the family waiting down the hall to meet him. Then, we got back on the subject of Bella.

"You're a lucky little guy, you know that? You get to meet your mom in a little bit when she wakes up and she's the best," I sighed. "She's the bravest person I know, but sometimes still needs someone to protect her. That's our job, now. I'll keep it up for a while, but once you grow up a bit she's going to need you, too, okay?"

A soft sigh caught my attention, and I looked over and saw two chocolate eyes staring at me.

A/N: Please remember I'm not a doctor and have literally no idea how childbirth works, despite my extensive googling. This chapter was actually one of the hardest to write because of that, but I hope you all enjoyed it.

Also, as you've all seen, most of this story is titled after Lana Del Rey songs. Problem is, I never expected it to get this long and I've run out of Lana songs I feel fit where things are going. I'm sure this isn't going to frustrate anyone other than my OCD, but I'm gonna have to branch out with my chapter songs. Just an FYI for those of you who pay attention to the lyrics at the top!

For those of you who are curious, I would expect about 5ish chapters are left. But, I also didn't expect this to get to 23 chapters and +100k words, so who knows.