Careful: Spoiler ahead for one of the endings of the game! So this is actually not a canon short story for my V, since this is not his canon ending. His canon ending is the Afterlife ending, even though he's a corpo V. But that's maybe a story for another time. However I recently took a look at the other paths too – Arasaka and the Nomad ending. And boy did I dislike the Nomad ending. And I disliked it so much, that it gave me the idea for this one-shot.
Enjoy.
Also, please keep in mind that English isn't my native language so please forgive me my mistakes – but feel free to show them to me!
"You're listening to his voice mail again, V? For how many times now? It's been a month... don't you think you need to start to let go...?" Panam's voice was just a careful whisper in the night as she sat next to him.
V lifted his head, his gaze met hers. He narrowed his eyes a bit and let his phone vanish into his pocket.
"I'm starting to believe he's right", he said after a while.
A puzzled look crossed Panam's face. "About what?"
V made a wide gesture with his right arm. "This. Let's face it, Panam. This is not me. You guys you... bloom here. Cassidy sleeps tight at night like a damn baby and I can't stop tossing around in my tent. I just don't get used to the silence. There is no noise at night. And there is sand everywhere. In places where I don't want sand to be."
"Just give it some time..."
V shook his head. "I don't have time, Panam. I thought you were aware of that." He turned his head away, his face grim. V wasn't very accepting of his death.
Panam picked up a pebble and threw it into thorny bushes.
"You want to go back to him."
"..."
"He didn't even bother to call once after that voice mail, right?"
"Neither did I."
"V. I hate to be that straight but you've been nothing than a joy toy to a rich celebrity guy."
"Stop."
"J-just because someone desires you doesn't mean they value you, V!", she begged. Tried to make him understand. Tried to get it into his thick skull.
"Stop before you say something you'll regret!" V's voice was sharp. Dangerously sharp. "You have no idea what you're talking about."
"He dropped you, V!" Panam was almost yelling into his face now.
V grit his teeth and swallowed the anger.
"I never really gave him a fucking choice now, did I!? Just dropped this decision on him. New life, new V. My decision. My adventure. Me running off with my Nomad friends and expecting him to leave everything behind and follow me like a love sick teenager into this hell hole that you guys call life." Panam backed off. It stung that he carefully used the word friends – not family.
And boy V's anger was infective.
"Now you better fucking think about what you're saying before you regret it!", she hissed and poked his chest, a deep frown on her face. V held her angry gaze only for a few seconds before he sighed. He had no time for fights.
"Sorry, Pan. Didn't mean it like that. You folks are great and helped me when I needed you all the most. And it's not- I mean- do you know that feeling when you meet someone and you just know that... he's the one missing piece?" He got up and dusted his trousers off from sand. Damn sand. It was everywhere.
Panam's gaze lingered on him, brown eyes cloaked in sad shadows. "I do know that feeling."
V walked over to his tent, Scorpion's loyal bike was already packed with little he owned. Panam quickly followed him.
"You're serious about this", she mumbled. "You are really going to leave and go back to Night City. What is with all your talk about freedom, about-"
V turned around. "You call this freedom? 'tis just another cage, Panam. Eating Possums, looting junk, roasting in the evening sun and freezing in a cold night. Besides I constantly have to worry about my... my condition. Not easy finding a Ripper Doc out here with the skill of Viktor." He shook his head and took off his jacket – the Aldecaldo jacket.
"I'm sorry, Panam. Don't think I am not grateful but I want to go home."
"But V... you are home. You have a family here. People that care about you..."
"I already had that. And threw it away."
She caught the jacket and stared at it like it was a hissing snake. When she lifted her gaze again, she already saw V sitting on the bike, the engine running.
"See ya, Panam."
Later, much later, Panam was still standing at the very spot V had left her. It was Mitch who pulled her out of her sulking.
"Ya know what they say", he hummed and took a sip from a can of beer. "You can get the rat out of the corp, but you will never get the corp out of the rat."
"Mitch...", she sighed.
"He thought he owed us because of Teddy, Bob... because of Saul. Their deaths lie heavy on his soul. I hope he knows that he doesn't owe us anything at all."
Panam took in a deep breath and looked over to the thin line of orange that took a peek over the horizon. It would be a beautiful sunrise. And a beautiful day. She nodded slowly. "Me too, Mitch... me too."
A thing of beauty — I know
Will never fade away
What you did to me — I know
Said what you had to say
But a thing of beauty — I know
Will never fade away
And I'll do my duty — I know
Somehow I'll find a way
But a thing of beauty
Will never fade away
And I'll do my duty
Samurai – Never Fade Away
V was exhausted. His body wanted to give up. Coughed up blood a few times. Yet he'd only stopped when he had to. And it had been a hell long of a ride. If he would've flatlined somewhere in the Badlands no one would've been there. No one would've found him.
But he'd made it. And now he and his bike stood in front of the large mansion that gazed over the eternal neon lights of Night City.
V had to admit – it felt good to be back on familiar roads. Yes, the city was a whore, was Babylon, was a monster with several heads that swallowed everything that came through it's throat. But that was the point. There had been a time when he was the one who had this beast at it's throat. Was on top. Became a Night City legend. He couldn't tame this beast. But boy could he ride it.
What he couldn't ride any more, however, was his bike. The moment he tried to get off, he fell. Met the asphalt face forward.
"Shit...", he mumbled, his vision blurry and he could swear something was alive in his stomach and wanted out. He gave himself some time, just lying there on the ground before he pulled himself up again, forced his body to work. He threw in a pill he'd bought from a very arguable guy on the road and felt his neurons boosting up. Whatever drug it was, it helped him to walk straight again.
He straightened his back and let a hand wander through his hair, wondering if he looked as shitty as he felt like. Probably covered in dust and sand and whatnot.
V could hear music blasting inside, rock music. Kerry's own songs, actually. He wondered on what trip Ker was that he needed to listen to his own songs on blasting volume.
Standing in front of the door, his hand hovering over the bell, he hesitated. Maybe he should've called Kerry before stumbling up on his front yard.
"Well that's too late now, right Joh-" A sting in his chest. He still sometimes forgot. In times like these however...
Damn he could've used a voice of advice. Even if it was something like: shit, V, don't do that, you're stupid.
V pressed the button. The screen said 'calling'. Once again he tried to straighten up but felt like he had to lean on the wall.
It took a while until the door opened -
And there he was.
Standing right in front of him.
"Kerry Eurodyne."
"Fuck. V."
Kerry just looked at him, something unreadable in his eyes. Bewildered? Glad? Surprised? Angry?
V couldn't tell but Kerry turned around to shout something into the house.
"Alright folks, party is over, everyone out...!"
V tried to get a peek over Kerry's shoulder, hearing annoyed calls of protest and voices and the music suddenly getting turned off.
"I am serious, get the fuck outta here you lead heads!" Kerry shouted again, as charming as ever and V couldn't help but smile. The same fire, still burning.
A couple of people all somewhere on the scale between tipsy and dead ass drunk started to leave the house. The lack of clothes on all of them was kind of worrying. A young man seemed to hesitate, starring at Kerry. "Hey... you're going to give me a call, right?", he asked but got no answer. "Right?"
And with that Kerry slammed the door shut behind himself and V.
"Bad moment?", V asked and followed Ker inside, towards one of the white couches, carefully avoiding to step into anything he didn't want to step in.
"Meh", was the answer. "Not really. Party was about to bore me any way."
Kerry dropped on the couch, his arms over the rest.
V slowly sat down opposite of him. He wasn't too confident to throw his body around right now. Not even for simply falling into some cushions.
Suddenly something seemed to fall off from Kerry, though. His face was suddenly full of worry and there was this hidden, lingering pain in his eyes.
"V, shit. You look awful."
"Thanks, Ker. You look great too", V joked half-assed.
"I mean it. What happened to you? Shit. You didn't come here to- shit. Tell me you didn't drop by to say some... some final..."
"No, no no no, Ker. Chill. Man, what are you thinking? That I would be so petty to not give you a call for a month and then drop on your door step, breathing my last breath? Come on. Thought you'd know me better."
Kerry frowned, it was clear that he didn't fully buy it.
"I just had an ass long ride behind me. Been on the road for three straight days. Exhausted, that's all", V said, feeling the need to assure him that he was alright.
"Cool. Cool", Kerry said, nodding slowly. "You brought some olives?"
V raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Olives?"
"Yeah. My Martini's looking sad without them." Kerry gave a nod towards one of the many glasses on the table.
V chuckled. "'fraid not." A warm smile stretched over his face but it faded away as quick as it came. "Ker... look. The reason I'm here..."
"... is to tell me you're sorry? And hope that I maybe forgive you? Or wanna load some shit on me, rather? That everything is my fault, telling me how I should've followed you and stick with you and drop everything?"
V fell silent. Held his gaze with ease. "Yeah. Actually I am here to tell you I'm sorry."
Kerry looked... baffled. And for once he was out of words, it seemed. V used this moment to get up and sit down next to Kerry. He reached out with his hand, hesitating just for a moment but then he put it on Kerry's thigh, squeezing it a bit.
"I should've never left. Not you, not Night City. I thought leaving was what I had to do. To get my head clear, to get away from... all of this shit. Arasaka, Mikoshi, Johnny... everything. And I guess I was so full of it that I didn't even take a lame second to think about what you wanted. And I was mad at you when I found out you didn't wanted the same thing. But the truth is... that you were right. That life, on the road, in the desert..." V shook his head gently, still holding Kerry's gaze. "... it's not mine. And I missed you, Ker. Every damn second out there in this ugly desert I missed you."
That moment it broke over Kerry. "Fuck, V...", he whispered and buried his face in his hands for a moment, his voice shaking so slightly. Dropping his hands, he let his gaze wander around restless. Looking everywhere, just not at the man sitting next to him. "When you left... at first I was riding a damn high. Working on the new album. New demo's. Felt like I finally owned this damn city. But the shadows, V... they came back."
"Kerry..."
"No. You hear me out now, Mister I-drop-by-in-the-middle-of-the-night-without-even-giving-a-warning-call." Kerry faced him now, biting his lip for a second to stop it from trembling. "At first I could keep the thoughts at bay, new music helped me, booze did the rest. But every silent hour that I was alone with myself I couldn't stop thinking about it, seeing you somewhere far away, dead, somewhere in the desert, I couldn't even-" He took in a sharp breath and blinked. "I was scared back then. I am still scared. I don't want to lose you, V. There. Said it. I don't want to lose you."
V's hand moved from Kerry's thigh to his shoulder.
"I didn't plan any of this Kerry. I'm sorry."
"Fuck you are. Asshole", the other man said and suddenly stood up. "Follow me. Wanna show you something."
He made a hasty gesture with his hand, not even turning around to check if V was really following as he already headed towards the stairs and the upper part of the apartment.
Feeling another wave of exhaustion washing over him and hoping that this damn pill would just do it's job, V slowly got up and also followed slowly upstairs.
Kerry was standing next to a large bed that didn't looked totally threshed and held a data pad in his hand. He didn't lift his gaze and just waved V towards him. "C'mere"
V dragged himself to the bed, happy that Kerry didn't see how awfully slow he moved.
"So? What's this about?", he said, sitting down at the end of the bed.
"Sssh", Kerry hushed him and then fell on the bed himself, his arms crossed behind his head.
For a few seconds the room was filled with silence but then V heard the music. The volume was still set on loud from the party earlier – but the song sounded different.
Much different.
V relaxed. A smile slowly showed up on his face. This time it was about to stay. The tension and even the exhaustion fell from him like a dirty coat and he allowed himself to lay back, next to Kerry, starring at the ceiling too, listening to the raw, unfinished melody and lyrics of this demo song.
But damn it was the most beautiful thing he experienced since...
Since he had heard it being played on a single guitar while sailing the Seamurai into the sunset and it's burning and exploding doom.
"I know that song", V said softly.
"You're the only one who does, at this moment. Yeah you and a few guys in the studio, obviously. It's still not finished. Still needs polishing... but guess what it's about."
"Me?", V chuckled.
"Damn right."
Kerry propped himself up on one elbow so he could look at V.
V reached up with one hand, cupping Kerry's cheek. He felt how he relaxed into this touch and for a second V bothered to waste a thought on why the hell he'd thought that it was a good idea to trade this man for a life on the road. For a moment they remained like this, a gentle touch and just music between them, no words. But then V pulled Kerry down into a thirsty kiss. Almost desperate his hands clawed into bleach blond hair and judging from the playful bite that he gave V on his neck, Kerry didn't mind about the rough treatment.
V's heart skipped a beat in anticipation when Kerry just tore the shirt of his body before he got rid of his own. Not a moment later they were entangled again, body pressed against body, lips pressed against lips.
"I swear V... you reek of oil and dust and sand and lack of shower", Kerry growled against V's ear.
"Ah. Turns you on, doesn't it?"
"If I wasn't so fucking hard into you, I would throw you into the pool. No questions asked."
"We can do that later, if you want", V murmured.
Kerry backed away from V for a moment, for the sole purpose to look into his eyes again. "I swear, V. If you dare to leave me again... then I will find you and break your legs", he growled.
"I make mistakes, Ker. But not the same mistakes twice", V answered, his breath still going heavy. He was worked up. No doubt in that.
"I see you're a smart boy", Kerry smirked, "I like that about you. But now let's just... just shut up. We have a lot of catching up to do."
V said nothing. His smile turned into a grin before he pulled Kerry down into his arms again, into another heated kiss.
This moment. In this city. With this man. Right here. Right now. It was where he belonged to. Always would.
And he would never allow himself to fade away from it again.
