There it is, the one shot I've been working on for a while now. Because of it's rather heavy topic and me doing a lot of research it took me longer than I wanted to and I kinda juggled around with ideas and what not. You've been warned. (I probably need to write some darn fluff after this)
It is also longer than the previous ones, about two pages more.

My thanks go out to nensha because she helped me noticing a few things that went into this one shot here.

It's about - oh hey River!


Cause we lost everything
We had to pay the price

V looked at the gun in his left hand.

The pills in his right.

He felt so tired. Hearing Kerry's voice one more time over the phone had been a sweet relief but he'd lacked the strength to tell him what was going on. Kerry had his own battles to fight against his own shadows. He didn't want him to worry.

Not after their last night together, not after what V had discovered about Kerry and his demons.

And shit – maybe it had been their last night indeed.

For some reason the gun looked friendly. He had to think back to the things River had told him – the City feasted on kindness. The good people were the ones to go.

Could he really risk the lives of others for his own? Was he that special?

When Johnny bombed Arasaka tower, thousands of people had died that day. People with families and friends. Good people, too. Kind people.

Who knew what would go down when he let Johnny just do the same thing again? Giving up control, trusting the man who already killed so many?

On the other hand... he couldn't risk Panam and the Aldecaldos, either. Wasn't their battle. And it wasn't fair to pull them into it. Calling her would just be the most egoistic fuck thing he'd ever done in his life.

And Hanako, giving in to Arasaka, selling his own soul...?

It was strange that the gun suddenly seemed to be the only viable option. The only option where no one would get pulled into the shit V was sitting in.

But then again, maybe it was already too late for that...


Five days before the end.

"To friendship", V said and raised his bottle of beer, "and thanks for the gun. Though it's funny, people seem to have a habit of gifting me weapons..."

River laughed. "Ah what a shame and there I was hoping to be special. But I was never really creative when it came to gifts. So, many guns you got, hm?"

V shrugged, enjoying the view over Night City from the top of the tower. "One isn't actually a gun but a huge sniper rifle... girl that gave it to me probably uses it better than I do but she wanted me to have it. Well and then there would also be this one..."

V pulled out the revolver from under his jacket, where it was always sitting as his side arm.

River whistled impressed. "Wow. That's a piece of art you got there. May I?"

"Sure", V said, handing over the gun.

River carefully took the weapon. "It's a model Overture, isn't it? But unique. Must be custom made, perfectly balanced for the right hand to reduce recoil and that engraving... does she have a name?" River's fingers gently wandered over the barrel while he examined the gun.

"Archangel."

"Must've cost a fortune. Who gave it to you?" The tone in River's voice was one of honest curiosity and nothing else and yet V hesitated for a second or two, not exactly knowing how to answer the question.

"My... a friend gave it to me. He's rich. You know: a professional merc like me got clients from all over Night City. Police, for example", V said with a smirk and River lifted his gaze, smirking as well before he gave back the revolver.

For a while they shared their beers in silence and once those were empty, River pulled out a bottle of Tequila.

"Guess it must mean something to your friend, then", River finally said after what felt to V like minutes. Peaceful minutes, calm and good minutes. He turned his head, raising his eyebrows with a questioning look on his face.

"Giving you the gun. Because to me... it does", River explained and brought the Tequila bottle to his lips. He didn't even flinch after taking a big slug. "Done with police work. Done with Peter Pan. Don't need to carry a reminder around all the time."

V looked at his lap, at River's Crash revolver. "A reminder about what?", he asked.

River's stern glance was set on Night City, not on V sitting next to him.

"About the things I've done with it, the things I haven't done... but most importantly the things I've almost done. To you it's just a gun, gift from a friend. But to me it carries too many bad memories. Memories that won't vanish and I don't want them to... but I don't need a constant reminder."

A strange feeling settled in V's stomach while he listened to River's words. They triggered something in his mind, his thoughts. But most importantly the things I've almost done.

Didn't Kerry say something similar when he gave him the Archangel? The gun he'd almost shot Johnny with and the gun that he'd almost-

V's train of thoughts got stopped when he noticed that River offered him the bottle. He shouldn't drink heavy alcohol, he knew that, with the chip in his head and his condition getting slowly worse every day, it wasn't a smart thing to do but on the other hand...

Ah what the hell.

"Think I understand", V finally said and took the bottle. "Not many get out of the NCPD intact, I suppose. Mentally and physically. Not after what you guys see everyday. I mean I can choose the jobs that I want to take, can choose my clients but you guys? There was this guy... basically my neighbour, lived in the apartment under mine."

V took a taste of Tequila. He grimaced slightly. Wasn't good stuff.

"One day saw some officers hanging around there. They told me he's been acting strange lately, not coming to work, didn't want to talk to them, one said he was acting like a pussy. I don't even know any more why he called him that. Anyway: not tough enough. That was the message."

Another sip. Maybe he'd been too harsh. The Tequila wasn't that bad.

"Managed to talk to him. Guy was depressed as fuck. Seen too much death and violence in his job and then fate decided to take away the only good thing he'd going in his life, his pet turtle. Maybe he wasn't meant to be a cop. I don't know. And you know it's weird 'cause I was like... I felt like I was onto something, pulling him out of the mud, I talked to him and I really thought he was doing better but then I came home one night, his apartment closed off, his two officer buddies sitting in front of his door, one crying. Guy had shot himself."

V washed these last words down with another shot straight from the bottle. Actually was quite good, this Tequila, he thought.

River watched him carefully. "The kind ones", he said.

"The kind ones?", V asked, not sure if he just didn't get it or if the Tequila made it harder for him to follow River right now.

"Yeah. It's kindness that falls victim to this city. Night City tears apart the kind ones. I saw many good people, good cops, looking down the barrel and pulling the trigger on themselves."

The kind people. The good people. V felt like River's words should tell him something important but he also felt that the Tequila had already decided to make it's way into his brain and settled there. He couldn't really focus on this slippery thought, specially not because he suddenly became so aware of River's presence.

V glanced to the side, taking in his profile, though for some reason River seemed to escape his focus, became blurry. He brought the bottle of Tequila to his lips to keep himself from saying something stupid but unfortunately the booze was already empty and wouldn't save V from the words that came out of his mouth.

"River", he said and nodded at the empty bottle, "You're a good man. And you're also good lookin' man, specially when there's two of you. And under diff'rent circumstances I would abuse this situation now but I'm kinda taken and you're kinda not into men or just not into me I s'ppose. So it would be awkward as fuck for both of us if I tried somethin' now but it would be more awkward for me."

River raised one eyebrow and checked V's eyes. He was sure that the focus was more than off already.

"You're drunk."

"Yes I am."

"You're a good man too, V. I'm glad you're my friend."

"Thank you, Officer, Sir."

"But as your friend I say we get you into a bed now. You can crash here, I am not letting you drive off like this."

"Good thinking. 'cause the Tequila is empty an-anyway."

V took River's hand so he could help him to get up and leave and later he would wonder how he'd managed to get off the tower and back to Joss' place and into Randy's bed in one piece - but for now he just enjoyed the blissful ignorance and peace a clouded mind could bring while he drifted into a deep sleep.


Four days before the end.

Waking up with a hang over wasn't new to V – he'd woken up in the same state when he'd given Johnny his body for one damn night. But he wasn't used to it. He wasn't one to get drunk, never been.

He sneaked out of Joss' trailer, carefully not to run into her or one of her kids. Told River goodbye with nothing but a nod and River answered the same way.

River understood things without words.

V was glad for that.

He was a good friend, a good person indeed but most importantly he seemed to have his shit together and that was something rare in Night City. He had a view on the world, the people, that V admired – and he was thankful for the insight River shared with him.

And even though his mind had been clouded last night, he hasn't forgotten River's words. It gave him something to think about.

The good people, the kind people. That got swallowed by this city.

And the gun.

But most importantly the things I've almost done.

River had been talking about almost shooting Anthony Harris for sure – but V had to think about someone else, too.

Again.

V was back in his apartment, sitting on the couch and Nibbles on his lap, skipping through the News. He stopped at some report about Kerry's collaboration with Us Cracks and frowned.

'Johnny... you there?'

'No, I'm in the kitchen, baking cookies for ya. Where the fuck do you think I should be?'

V rolled his eyes, seeing the illusion of Johnny appearing at the window, leaning against it while he watched the city outside.

'You said Kerry came out of the shower with a gun in his hand.'

'Shit. Is this about Kerry again? Can't you think about more important things? Like how to get us into Mikoshi?', Johnny scoffed.

V ignored the complaint.

'… who the fuck showers with a gun, Johnny?'

Johnny threw his arms in the air and for a moment the illusion of him got blurry and V feared that he would vanish again, leaving him alone with his thoughts. But instead he sat down on the couch, legs spread, smoking a non existent cigarette. Just from the view V felt a strange crave for a smoke as well.

He didn't smoke.

He hated it.

'Well why the fuck should I care, this is Night City, V. People sleep with guns. Why not shower with them, too', Johnny finally said.

'And you never bothered to think about why he'd send all of his staff home early? And was alone when we broke in? With a gun in the shower?'

'Shit, V, if you wanna say something, spit it out already.'

But V didn't. Maybe he didn't want to word it. He wasn't even sure why he was afraid to do so – he was talking to himself, basically. No one was around. Just Nibbles – and he cared more about licking his balls right now than to bother about V' concerns.

'Johnny... fuck. I... think you saved his life that night.'


Three days before the end.

Sex with Kerry wasn't just great. It was simply amazing. There was something to be said about experience and V actually wondered why the hell he'd always been after those young guys in the office, those interns that were willing to do anything for a chance of a contract at Arasaka. In hindsight, those boys had been damn boring. He had no idea what had been exciting about fucking them. Maybe the feeling of power over them. Yeah, he'd been another V back then...

But Kerry was able to make V feel like a helpless virgin again. He wasn't sure if that was really a good thing, he was used to be in control but fuck - he loved it.

Another perk was that it made him sleep tight and good. Because it made him exhausted enough to simply drop dead into bed and even more it helped to have Kerry in his arms then. Good sleep and good sex both weren't things he was used to but damn he could get used to them.

But this night was different. V struggled to fall asleep and when he woke up in the middle of the night, he felt more like he'd just taken a restless nap. Judging from the quiet snoring next to him Kerry had not such problems. He was laying on his back, one arm over his head, one leg dangling from the bed and the blanket was not really covering him any more. And yet V just had to admire the sight. The chrome in his body shimmered slightly golden in the dim light that came from the city through the large windows, the rest of his body was covered in shadows, giving the tattoos on his arm a strange illusion of being alive, of moving.

A splitting headache yanked into V's brain. An annoying noise warned him about Relic Malfunction. "Argh... shit...", he pressed out with low voice.

'Get out. Some fresh air will do you good', he heard Johnny's voice and followed the advice.

The chill wind helped indeed. V sat outside on a lowered patio on the backside of the villa, where he could listen to the calm noise of the artificial waterfall and look over the city.

'It just gets worse, V. We need to start moving', Johnny said, examining the area with slight disgust in his face. The whole place screamed money and fame and of course Johnny disliked it.

'I... I know, Johnny. And I will take care of things', V answered, jaded, not in the mood for arguments, putting his face in his hands as he concentrated on keeping his consciousness.

Johnny seemed to think different on that matter.

'Oh really? Is that why you spend the evening sitting on your ass at Kerry's and end up fucking him again? ', he snarled. 'You know it's funny, though. That he finally got what he wanted. Finally got to fuck me through your body because you just can't say no.'

V lifted his head. 'It ever occurs to you that not everything is about you, Johnny Silverhand?'

'Of course not.'

Talking to him felt just so pointless. V looked around, to keep his focus elsewhere. He was sitting on a wooden deck chair, noticed a few empty glasses and bottles around but then something peaked his interest. A shard, more or less looking like it had been thrown away. He inserted it and found it to be a couple of media reviews about 'Second Conflict', gathered and put together by someone.

"Kerry Eurodyne's golden age has long since passed. What's got me curious is how much money his label's got pumping into this sinking ship just so we don't think otherwise... will never be more than a Samurai epigone... a sad second hand tour de farce... can't seem to put together a headline of his own these days..."

'Ahh... shit. Maybe you were right.'

V stopped reading and looked at Johnny who sat at the edge of the patio, his image flickering in the neon lights of Night City.

'You didn't buy his story either, right? That the whole depression thing was just a media stunt? Made up?', V asked.

Johnny shook his head. 'Yeah I didn't. Though he would've never told me the truth.' He turned around and looked at V before the image vanished and the voice in his head as well, leaving something unspoken between the two of them.

"Fuck V, there you are", he heard the sleepy voice of Kerry, "the fuck you're doing out here?"

Kerry was only wearing his shorts and this absolute eccentric piece of a bathrobe, hugging himself. California's nights weren't that cold but the wind up here at North Oak could be chilly.

"Been thinking", V answered and Kerry sat down next to him on the deck chair.

"'bout what?"

"Stuff."

Kerry raised one eyebrow and gave V a strange look. "Uhu. Veeery suspicious, choom."

V sighed. "Sorry, Ker. I just-", he started helpless.

"Nah, it's alright, you got a lot of things going on, I know that. Tons of shit on your plate. Specially in that sweet head of yours." Kerry snuggled against him, obviously still more sleepy than awake.

There was silence between them for a while and V wondered if Ker was already dozing off again while they both tried to lay down together on the chair, holding each other.

"Kerry...", V started and heard a sleepy, mumbled "Hm?"

"I..."

… I got so much to tell you and I don't even know where to start. I want you to know that I am there for you, want you to know that I am not going to drop you. I want to keep the shadows away, Kerry. I want to protect you from yourself.

But I am also afraid.

Afraid that I won't be able to do so. Afraid that I might just be gone one day. Maybe already tomorrow. I don't know. I am scared of the choices I need to make. Is it fair to sacrifice others for me, my life? And for Johnny? Panam promised me help. I know that sweet hearted dumbass would come up with some ridiculous and stupid suicide plan to get me into Mikoshi. Damn but I can't risk her life and that of her family for me, can I? I can't put their souls at stake. And Arasaka? Shit. If anyone knows that you can't trust Arasaka then it's me. Worked years for them and busted my ass. Just for them to drop me in a fucking instant, ruining my life, taking everything from me. If it hasn't been for Jackie back then...

Shit. Jackie. People drop dead around me all the time. Like Takamura. He trusted Hanako. And what did it get him? He died, too.

I'm afraid, Kerry. Afraid that the only way out is the one I don't want to think about. The way you once thought about.

But maybe I have no choice.

"Yo, V. You suddenly got a brain seizure or why do you stop talking mid sentence?"

V blinked.

"Uh... must've dozed off", he said, clearing his throat, hugging Kerry a bit tighter.

"Ah. Yeah. Sure. What was is that you wanted to tell me? Wait. You're not gonna drop the L-bomb on me or some shit, right?"

"What? No, no no no, you're safe, don't worry", V said and even had to laugh lightly – despite all those dark and clouded thoughts. "No. I just... I'm glad I got you, that's all. I know that whatever this is we're having is only a couple of weeks old but... am glad I got you."

In the corner of his eye, V could see a smile stretching over Kerry's face.

"Well of course. I mean. We're tuned to the same frequency, right?"

"Yeah. We resonate."


Zero days before the end.

V looked at the gun in his hand one more time.

No. It was no option. Not really. There was no way he would leave the city like this, would leave his friends, Kerry like that. He wanted to live. He wanted to own this cursed city. Putting the gun away he looked at the pills in his hand, taking the red one.

"Johnny?"

'Yes?'

"Tell Rogue I said hi. And... bring me back to him. Will you do that?"

'I will V. I promise.'


So. Anyone else thinks that Kerry was about to commit suicide in the shower but Johnny showing up and playing the guitar stopped him?
I tried to gather the hints that the game drops about that and put them into this one shot.
There is also the hint about the suicide ending for V.
Since we follow my V's story here, however, he ends up sending Johnny and Rogue. I would've loved to give the secret ending here with only V and Johnny doing it, but this is his canon ending. And yes, unfortunately Takamura isn't alive in my game either.