I don't want to say too much.
Just prepare for sad things.
Takes place after the heist on Arasaka with the help of Rogue.
There's bound to be a ghost at the back of your closet
No matter where you live
There'll all ways be a few things, maybe several things
That you're gonna find really difficult to forgive
Kerry took off his sunglasses after entering the small shop located in a dirty alley in Watson.
It was late in the evening but he'd tried to go unnoticed through these narrow streets. Fortunately it looked like they were filled with sad lives any way: drug addicts, drug dealers, gang members, dreamers. People that barely paid attention to their surroundings. People that got fucked over by life so many times that Kerry Eurodyne himself could walk past them and they wouldn't notice.
Or think he's just another dandy illusion, another shiny ad filled billboard.
He wasn't sure if coming here was the right decision. Just the fact that someone somehow managed to get a message through his phone... of course those things happened and usually he ignored it. And got a new phone. And a new number. But this specific message...
He couldn't ignore it.
'Hey. It's about V. If you want to talk about him – come to Misty's Esoterica in Watson. If you don't – forget this message.'
Maybe it was V himself?
That asshole that had just ghosted him. Maybe he needed a shady reason to lure him into into this... this...
What was that shop even?
Kerry looked around. He recognized a faint smell of sandalwood and noticed a couple of incense sticks being the culprit.
"Hey", he heard the soft voice of a young woman at the counter. She wore a warm smile and there was something in her eyes, something beyond her age, a certain share of weight on a life that was much to young to carry it. "You must be Kerry."
"No, I'm Richard fucking Night", Kerry said and had no idea why his answer turned out to be so pissed. He was in a bad mood. "Of course I am, one would think Kerry Eurodyne is easy to recognize."
The smile on the woman's face just got wider, not being thrown off by his pissed reaction at all and she gently shook her head. "No, I mean Kerry. V's Kerry."
Kerry suddenly felt his own heart beat. Heavy against his chest. He took in a sharp breath.
"So, you're his friend or something? He send you to finally tell me it's over and that he fucked me over? Hard? Doesn't have the balls to do it on his own? Tell the fucker to say it to my face", Kerry said and tried to sound rather angry but the knot in his throat made it hard.
"I am his friend, yes. Misty. Owner of Misty's Esoterica. And I'm afraid you don't understand but... I can bring you to him", she said, her voice soft, warm but there was an undeniable sadness in it too.
Kerry narrowed his eyes, his arms crossed over his chest, his fingers clawing into his own skin; he didn't even notice.
"I understand if you don't want to, though", Misty continued because Kerry decided to wander around in the little shop instead of saying a word.
He stopped and stared at her. Hatred in his eyes. But also pain.
"That's what happens here, right? He didn't send you. He doesn't even know about your little... set up. You're probably just some... some well meaning friend of his who thinks it's a bright idea to put me in front of his door step because he's too much of a fucking coward to even call me!", he finally spat out.
Misty dropped her gaze.
"It's more complicated, I'm afraid", she just said, cryptic, again. Kerry threw his arms into the air in frustration.
"The fuck is that supposed to mean! How fucking hard can it be, he ghosted me for two fucking months, what's complicated about that!"
Misty lifted her gaze and for a moment it seemed like she searched for something in his face until she finally spoke up again, her voice still soft, warm yet – sad.
"... do you want to visit him – or not?"
Under all the anger, the hate, the disappointment and the pain, there was something else boiling up inside of Kerry. Fear. Something in her tone, the way she spoke... he didn't like it.
"Well fuck it. Sure. Let's visit this motherfucking leadhead... see if he's able to open his mouth and spit out some pretty little lies... Corpo rat like him should be able to do that after all...", Kerry mumbled and turned around to leave.
Misty quickly closed the shop and followed him.
Misty was on the wheel and Kerry decided to stare out of the window. He didn't feel like talking to her and it seemed like she understood that because she did him the favour and was silent. Last thing he wanted was a forced conversation.
However after a couple of minutes, he felt that it was unfair to treat Misty like this. She probably really was just a well meaning friend of V. And it wasn't her fault, after all.
He also noticed that they seemed to head back towards North Oak. He wondered why...
"So... V ever spoke of me?", Kerry said, finally deciding to cut through this awkward silence. Still preferred to stare out of the window, though.
"Well... not really. You probably know how closed up he was about his private life."
Wait. Was?
"But he also couldn't really hide it from me. One day he was coming in with a Kerry Eurodyne record and he was mentioning some jobs he did for you... I noticed the way he spoke about you and later laid out some Tarot about it and let's just say it told me enough. I put two and two together and knew what was going on", she said, a soft chuckle escaping her mouth.
Kerry breathed out a heavy breath.
It just made no fucking sense.
"He really did like you, Kerry. I've never seen him like that... or heared him talking about someone with so much... spark in his voice. And the cards? The cards very pretty obvious about his feelings."
She was talking in the past. Again. Kerry frowned when he noticed those annoying turns on the road. Where the hell were they going?
A cold wave washed over his body the moment the columbarium came in sight. And he noticed that Misty got slower – until they finally stopped in front of it.
No.
This had to be a bad joke.
Kerry blinked. He felt a hand on his shoulder. A gentle touch. Barely any weight.
"We're here."
No.
This had to be a fucking joke!
Kerry's whole body felt numb but somehow decided to move on its own because he noticed that he got out of the car and followed Misty like a zombie.
She lead them through the narrow aisle. They passed by a niche were she stood still for a second and put her hand on the wall. Kerry read a name: Jackie Wells.
But then she moved on, took a turn and nodded towards the wall. Her eyes were on Kerry, showed sympathy, condolence – but she said nothing and just took a step away from the niche so Kerry could read what was written on it:
V
Dreamer
Kerry slowly got down on his knees, like he couldn't carry the weight of his own body any more.
All those months he'd been mad at him. Hated him. Called him the worst break up he's ever had. All this hate, anger, the disappointment, the pain, the nights of cursing himself for being so wrong about V, for trusting him, for thinking that he was better than the others, that he was the one who was able to shake things up.
The one who pulled him out of the mud.
The one who gave him the strength to fight the shadows.
And he'd done him wrong all those fucking months.
"How...", Kerry started but his voice cracked.
"Something went wrong", Misty started to explain. "He was in a really bad shape. His... his brain."
"The bio chip?!"
"So you... know about it? Yes, yes the bio chip. He was running out of time and decided to take matters into his own hands. But... something went wrong. He didn't return from Arasaka tower. But he sure took them with him."
"Ara-fucking-saka... you're telling me that... that was him? It was V? The night Arasaka went down, and their whole bullshit secure your soul program got fucked up completely? The night the city was in for some heavy wake up call? You tell me that was... that was V's doing?!"
"... yes."
"Fuck. H-he called me before this. He tried to tell me something. Fuck. And I was... I was busy. Why didn't I... fuck."
Kerry noticed that his vision got blurry. He tried to blink the tears away. Found that he wasn't strong enough.
He twitched slightly when he felt a small hand squeezing his shoulder.
"He... he really, really liked you", Misty pointed out again before she took a step back. "I didn't know that... I thought he just... vanished. After all no body was found. I was visiting the niche of my... my Jackie a few days ago. And took a little stroll through the aisles. I like the silence here... that was when I noticed his plate. But I don't know who bought it for him. I... I thought you needed to know. I know I would've wanted the same."
Kerry wrapped himself in silence and Misty knew what she had to do.
"I'm... I'm going to leave you alone. I... will wait by the car. You know... if you want to talk later."
And with that she left, her steps light and silent.
"Fuck, V...", Kerry whispered and his head fell against the wall. "You could've said something... why didn't you say something... I know people... we could've... I could've..."
'Course, yeah. Just wanted to hear ya.'
V's voice echoed in his head. He'd sounded so weak back then. Kerry knew that something had been wrong there. He'd seen through V's bullshit the moment he'd said those words. He should've been more persistent.
But people had been on his ass to show up in the studio and he'd been riding a high to get that demo done that day.
And now all he could do was hate himself for the things not done.
Kerry didn't know how long he's been sitting there. But eventually he stood up, ready to leave. Not ready to leave it behind, though.
His eyes were glued on the ground when he was overcome by a strange feeling, a feeling of being watched.
Tensing up he lifted his head – and could swear that he was this close to a heart attack.
"Either I'm seeing a ghost...", he said, his voice still weak yet filled with a certain fury, "... or a fucking asshole."
He clenched his fists. The urge to punch the person a few feet away was huge.
Oh the face was familiar. Beloved, even. The green hair, the white eyes, even that little braided beard.
But the way he stood at the wall.
How he carried himself.
The look in those eyes.
His posture.
Kerry closed the gap between them, grabbed him by the collar and pinned him heavy against the wall. He had no idea where he took the strength to do that.
"You fucking asshole. You. Fu-cking. Ass-hole", he pressed out through gritted teeth.
"Ker. Let me down. I don't want to break your arms." V's voice, yes... but this tone... it was unmistakable.
Whatever strength it was that made him hold up a man full of cyberware, chrome and cybernetic enhancements all over his body, it left him just as fast again and Kerry let go of the man in front of him, took a step back, his breath heavy.
"You just won't stop haunting me, will you, Johnny", he finally said, his voice an angry whisper of a broken voice. "Even after fifty fucking years. I just can't get rid of you. You killed him, didn't you. Just say it to my face, asshole. Say it. You killed V."
Johnny slowly shook his head.
"Not that easy, choom."
"Well then explain it to me!" Kerry was shouting those words. A few heads turned towards them. Not many people here, though. But one of them dared to throw a "Ssshhh!" towards them and Kerry gave him a death glance that just made him go away immediately.
"Shit didn't go as planned. Lost Rogue. Got into Mikoshi. The soul killer thing. Where Arasaka stored all those pretty little engrams of their petty secure your soul program."
"And?!"
"And V didn't made it. I wanted to save him, really wanted to save his life. But it was messed beyond our control. V was already dead the day you met him. He wasn't going to survive this. Never supposed to."
"Then why are you wearing his face!"
"Bio chip did that. Shit altered his DNA, Ker. It's fucked up. That chip altered it in my favour. So my soul has a body."
Kerry took a step back and shook his head in disbelief.
"No. You're lying."
"I never lie, Ker. And you know that."
"No. It's... it's... bullshit. You're talking bullshit. V would've never... he wouldn't give away his body like that. Not like... not like that."
"..."
"... Johnny?!"
"He had nothing to gain. I had everything to lose."
The aisle suddenly got filled with the sound of a man slapping another man in the face. Kerry's whole body was trembling.
"Feeling better now?", Johnny asked, rubbing his chin.
Kerry shook his head. "Whaddya think? How am I supposed to feel?! You let me believe that he ghosted me, you let me believe that he just dropped me like a used condom, meanwhile you're sitting cosy in his body after taking his life." Once again it broke over him and Kerry just dropped down. He just noticed in the corner of his eyes that Johnny sat down in front of him.
"Thought it's better that way. Thought you're used to bad romances. That you can handle that. Gives you stuff to sing about."
Kerry lifted his head and stared at Johnny, anger flaring up in his eyes again, easily seen even through the tears that fell to the ground.
"What? I couldn't tell you that you're muse died as an engram in fucking cyberspace, shit, Ker. You were back on track. I saw that. That your Rocker Boy heart was beating again and I liked what I saw. You showed the past the damn middle finger. Found the strength to do that. Didn't want to pull you back into the mud by showing up... in V's body... of all people... for fucks sake. I knew you could get through this. Didn't know if you could get through this, though."
It took a while until Kerry found his voice again. He felt tired. And weak.
"And why the fuck do you show up now..."
"I pay him a visit every month. Wasn't planned to run into you."
"So. You would've never told me. And if it wasn't for Misty..."
"Yeah. Would've never told you", Johnny admitted.
Kerry bit his trembling lip. He tasted blood but didn't care.
"Not because I don't give a fuck about you", Johnny continued and Kerry had to scoff about these words, "... but because I cut all ties. Better that way. It's not my life. Was V's. And I ghosted long enough through your life. Better to leave that all behind. Once and for all."
"... and just say fuck it to the past", Kerry said. No more anger in his voice. No more anger in his heart.
Just a void. A void that was once left by Johnny – and filled by V.
And now...
Kerry slowly stood up and started to walk away.
Johnny only followed him with his gaze.
'Kerry?'
'Yeah?'
'That night... had a great time.'
There's gonna come a day when you'll feel better
You'll rise up free and easy on that day
And float from branch to branch, lighter than the air
Just when that day is coming, who can say? Who can say?
The Mountain Goats – Up The Wolves
So I finally played through the Johnny ending (giving Johnny the body) and I think it's even sadder than the suicide ending.
And while I did think that this ending was fitting Johnny's character... I think he owes Kerry to explain what happened.
The Mountain Goats – Up The Wolves is not a fictional band from Cyberpunk this time but... it fit.
