I said no one has to know what we do, his hands are in my hair, his clothes are in my room. And his voice is a familiar sound, nothing lasts forever. But this is getting good now. He's so tall and handsome as hell, he's so bad but he does it so well. And when we've had our very last kiss, my last request is… Say you'll remember me, standing in a nice dress staring at the sunset, babe. Red lips and rosy cheeks, say you'll see me again, even if it's just in your wildest dreams. ~ Taylor Swift, Wildest Dreams
EPOV
Growing up, failure was never an option for me in anything I did. It started with school. Like any normal bratty kid, I pushed my boundaries and failed a math test. I could have aced the thing if I tried, but I didn't care. Carlisle didn't talk to me for days afterwards.
Since then, the stakes for failing had increased exponentially, the consequences now more likely to be a bullet between the eyes than anything else. From the age of about thirteen I decided failure was out of the question for me. If I wanted a girl, she was mine. If I had to get a school project done on the same night Carlisle was taking me out to work with him, I didn't sleep. I got shit done, and that was it.
I could count on one hand the number of times I felt like a failure in my life. Unfortunately, I had never really failed my parents. I only failed the people I truly loved.
Bella got shot because of me, nearly sent to prison twice because of me. She'd had her reputation ruined repeatedly because of me. All things I should have been able to protect her from. Then Aiden got sucked into this shit because of me, being used as Petrov's game piece to fuck me over.
It was my responsibility as the head of the family, as Bella's husband, and as Aiden's father to make sure shit like that never happened. With Bella gone, I spent most nights in bed thinking over all of the things I could have done differently. The only thing that made me feel a semblance of relief was reliving my days spent with Petrov after I got back to Chicago.
Petrov was trying to get out of town, but we expected it. Depended on it. As soon as I got back into town, only a couple days after all of his associates were eliminated, I went right to his home. He lived outside of the city, on a plot of land completely isolated from neighbors for at least ten miles in any direction. Perfect for what I had planned.
The fucker left his girlfriend and son there while he was trying to make a run for it. Bastard had no family loyalty or morals and never had. They were both terrified, rightfully so, when I walked in. They probably hoped it was Viktor coming back. He would, eventually, when he realized he wasn't getting out of town.
The girl was about half his age, and surprisingly willing to tell me anything I wanted. When I told her Viktor was a dead man, her lips twitched with the effort to fight a smile. She wasn't the only woman to have had one of his children, but she was the only one left in Chicago. Most took the kid and ran after a while, once they realized how much of an asshole he really was.
I got her taken care of and had one of my men drive her and her son to the airport. They would be relocated to Florida and taken care of once Viktor was found dead.
Then, I waited. I found his office on the second floor and went through his desk. I burned the file of pictures he had, surveillance photos of my wife and son. Luck was on my side tonight, because he even had a file on none other than Neil Matthews, or Tony as I knew him.
A text came in from Stella, letting me know she was on her way here with the package. I went downstairs to wait, sitting in the uncomfortable but undoubtedly expensive couch he had. I looked around for a moment, realizing that had I not met Bella this is what my life would look like. Expensive home, decorated only to show people I had the money to do so. Girlfriends around the country, maybe an unhappy wife at home.
Instead, I had a home that was a home; comfortable and cozy because Bella liked it that way. I'd had the same woman by my side for twenty plus years and couldn't imagine my life without her. And I had a son I was damn proud of.
The memory of watching my wife getting escorted out of the courtroom to be taken to a rehabilitation center flashed before my eyes, reigniting my need to take the fucker down.
The front door opened and Stella and a couple of her men brought in an unconscious Viktor. I watched quietly as they tied him to a chair. I already had the spot set up, the tarp underneath the chair in the open area of the living room.
"Have fun," Stella said with a sinister smirk in my direction as she left. I would thank her later.
I was alone with him for only a few minutes before Viktor started to stir. He went through the typical phases of someone captured. Eyes wide, tugging at the restraints, and mumbling against the duct tape covering his mouth. He didn't see me at first, and I took the time to watch him struggle. The defeat was obvious on his face when he saw me walk toward him.
I ripped off the tape covering his mouth and was met with a loud curse when it was off.
"Fucking hell, Cullen," he grumbled, glaring at me.
"Nice to see you, too, Viktor."
"How's the missus?" he asked, even though he knew just where she was.
"You're trying to get me to move things along. A good plan considering what I have in mind for you, but it won't work," I said, walking over to the table where I had my supplies stashed. I started placing everything out in plain view so he would know what was coming. All of the tools I would need to bring him insufferable pain for hours before he was begging for me to make it end.
"I was fifteen when I watched my father torture a man for the first time. He was a sadistic bastard, but I learned quite a bit about the human body that night." I rolled up my sleeves, staring at the tools and trying to decide where to start. I picked up the simple silver knife, twirling it between my fingers.
"The funny thing is," I sighed, pulling a chair up to sit in front of him. "Well, funny to me. Probably not to you. The thing is, you could have gotten out of prison and stayed out of my way and I wouldn't have thought twice about you ever again. Instead you decided to go after my son and my wife."
"Your wife outed me to the police. I thought she was good at keeping her mouth shut."
"Well, I wasn't going to let her go to prison for perjury. You were just collateral damage."
"Crazy bitch got what she deserved."
In an instant I had the knife through his hand, down to the wooden chair beneath it. "Watch your mouth."
"You think she's ever going to get cleared from that rehab center? After all the shit she's done? I should have sent the judge a present. Watching your wife go slowly insane in a place like that is better than having her in prison," he panted through the pain.
I wrapped my fingers around his neck, squeezing and feeling the fragile bones beneath my hands. It would be so easy to squeeze the life out of him now, easy and satisfying as hell. I had bigger plans for him, though.
"We'll start with your tongue then," I told him, giving him a moment to breathe before I cut out his tongue.
I was tired of the chatter. It was time for the fun part.
Even though Viktor was dead and gone now, his words haunted me for a month. It was court ordered rehab; if they thought she wasn't stable enough to be sent out, they would keep her until she was. Of course, I could break her out of there at any time, but that would just be adding to our list of troubles.
Every night, whenever I got a restless few hours of sleep, I had nightmares of the day of Bella's release coming, and her never walking through the front door. I constantly flashed back to sitting behind her in the courtroom and not being able to do a fucking thing to help her.
Failure. Failure. Failure.
Even in the few days after Bella got home I couldn't shake the constant feeling that I had failed her. She told me over and over that she was fine, constantly told me she was just glad it was all behind us. Her attitude about it all made me feel worse though, because I put that sweet, kind, trusting woman through hell and she wasn't even mad at me.
Tonight, we were attending a function at Aiden's school where students about to graduate had the opportunity to talk with past graduates about what was coming for them. College, life, that sort of thing. Alice and Jasper would be here somewhere with Delilah, and Alec was wandering around somewhere pretending to be a well-informed graduate with all of life's answers.
It was becoming more and more obvious he didn't have what it took to takeover for me one day. He was a good kid, and willing do to the hard work this life demanded, but he wasn't focused. He didn't have the drive to be in charge. Which left me with a big fucking problem, because Aiden sure as hell wasn't getting anywhere near the lifestyle.
There were plenty of options in Ireland, I supposed. Colin, Daniel and Maggie's son, had a few boys of his own. One was already in line to takeover the Ireland operations, but I was sure I could convince one of them to come here.
"Why so grumpy?" Bella's soft voice broke me out of my thoughts. I looked down at her beside me, her hair falling in soft waves down her shoulders and over her pretty blue dress.
"I'm not grumpy."
"You've been frowning to yourself for five minutes. We don't need to sell the whole 'on the brink of divorce' thing anymore."
That was another thing that frustrated me to no end. People still talking about our fake marital problems. It served its purpose while we needed the distraction, but I was fed up with men thinking they could come flirt with my wife.
"You're an excellent actor, by the way. If you're ever interested in pursuing it, I'm sure Heidi would be ecstatic."
"Well, I wasn't the one tossing slaps out of nowhere."
She smiled up at me, her cheeks flushed. The same hand that slapped me a few months ago gently cupped my cheek. "Sorry about that."
I grabbed her hand and pressed a kiss to the tiny Oscar statue on her wrist.
The other parents typically ignored us at these types of events. There were some that put on smiles and attempted to be sociable with us. Bella typically did the talking in those instances. She had an incredible ability to be able to talk to anyone about anything, thanks in large part to the hundreds of people she would meet in a day when she was on tour or doing press.
"What are we going to do? When it's just you and me at home?" Bella asked as we stood at a high top.
I leaned across the small table and grabbed her hands. "I'm going to take you away for a while once Aiden is settled."
"We shouldn't leave so soon after he – "
"He'll be well looked out for, Bella. I promise." I had a whole team in place, a team that wouldn't be fooled by an eighteen-year-old kid this time.
"What if we waited a while longer?"
"We can't wait."
Bella frowned at me. "Why?"
"Because… because you need time to get back to being yourself."
She was still in that… mode she had. The one where she was constantly focused on everyone but herself. Where everything she did had a purpose behind it because she was trying to prove a point or act a certain way. Very calculated, and very unlike her.
It wasn't hard to understand why she was like that; she spent a month in rehab having to let everyone think she was a recovering drug addict, having to sit through therapy and meetings where she had a very specific part to play. Before that, she spent months playing the part of out of control housewife.
She was an actress through and through, and a damn good one, but I wanted my wife back. The one who showed up spontaneously at my office in the middle of the day just to sit with me, the one who didn't take shit from anyone.
Being in Chicago with all of the prying eyes and ears and the responsibilities wasn't what she needed right now. She needed a place where she could relax for a minute, think about herself for a while, and not have to put on a show for anyone.
"You always take such good care of me," she whispered, squeezing my hand.
Before I could tell her it was a lie, remind her of all the times I had failed her, Alec walked up with Aiden. The crowd started to thin and we all left to meet the rest of the family for a late dinner in the city. Emmett and Rosalie were already in the private dining room waiting for the rest of us.
"Uncle Edward, you need to teach this one about the Cullen Tax Policy. I caught him talking to CPA about taxes and investments," Alec said as he sat down, smiling over at Aiden.
The Cullen Tax Policy, otherwise known as our habit of not paying our taxes. According to my tax documents I didn't make as much money as I actually did, and I didn't pay as much as I should. I was in the business of making money and didn't relish the idea of giving it to a government that was constantly trying to take me down or lock me up. It was also simply the way I was raised by Carlisle. Emmett passed down the ideology to Alec, and I was fairly certain Maggie and Jared also had a habit of using our accountant for their taxes too.
Aiden didn't have a job yet, but it never occurred to me to tell him about all of the little laws I broke on a daily basis. If I wanted to keep him out of the lifestyle all together, he would be a completely law-abiding citizen. One that paid taxes.
"He's going to pay his taxes when he needs to, Alec," Bella hissed.
Aiden's eyes widened as he looked at me. "You don't pay your taxes?"
"Yes, he does," Bella replied before I could say I didn't.
Emmet, Jasper, and I all frowned at her. "Excuse me?"
Bella rolled her eyes and concentrated on the menu in front of her. "I've been paying your taxes since we got married."
"Oh, shit, you've been paying taxes? Fucking sucker," Emmett bellowed, slapping my shoulder.
"Why have you paid my taxes?"
Bella shrugged. "Well, I knew you didn't. And everyone always goes down for tax evasion eventually."
It was simultaneously the sweetest and most underhanded thing she had ever done. Twenty fucking years and I had no clue she was doing it behind my back.
"What, so you don't care if we all go down for tax evasion?" Emmett joked.
"I've saved your ass more than once, Emmett. If you don't want to go down for tax evasion, pay your own fucking taxes."
"You've been paying my taxes?" I repeated, still in shock over the whole thing.
"Yeah, it's not a big deal. Don't get mad at Tim. I told him not to tell you." Tim was the man in charge of doing our taxes in the first place. It had been years since I ever even thought about the process at all.
Bella looked up at me shyly, like she was nervous I was going to be mad. It was frustrating, yes, because I didn't like her having to spend her own money on anything. Maybe it was old fashioned, but I liked knowing I was taking care of her.
It was a big deal though, to me at least. Because as hard as I tried to protect the woman beside me, she tried just as hard to protect me. It was the best goddamn feeling in the world knowing that even though I had failed her a time or two, we never gave up on trying to protect each other.
…Dark…
"The last murder was officially ruled an accident," Emmett said, sliding a police report across my desk. It had been nearly two months since we got rid of everyone working for or with Petrov, but the police were slow. They were also probably hoping to find a tie back to one of us. Thankfully, we had airtight alibis.
It wasn't like we murdered half of the city and then left the bodies lying around. We were professionals, and I had the best working for us. Petrov, or what was left after I was done with him, was found burned alive after his house caught fire in the middle of the night. The fire department claimed an electrical malfunction as the cause of the fire. Roman Orlov and his brother were caught up in a supposed suicide pact. Their financial records showed they lost everything to a nasty gambling problem they both had.
Everyone else met similar fates. A lot of the people doing his dirty work were from out of town, which made our job easier. It wasn't as obvious it was a mass takedown when the murders were across the country.
The last murder, Neil Matthews, was the easiest to take care of because the fucker faked his death years ago when he started working with Petrov. All we had to do was destroy the body and it was done with.
Even so, now we were completely in the clear. Every murder was closed and no one was on the hook for any of it. It was odd, realizing this was the first time in decades Bella didn't have one crime or another hanging over her head.
"We're done, then," I whispered, mostly to myself.
It was freeing to finally be done with the Petrov mess, but the news alert on my computer didn't allow me to relax for long.
Bella Cullen is About to Destroy Milestone Records but Just Dropped $35k at Cartier.
Bella had been back for about a month, and the media was all over her again. Photographers swarmed the city, hoping to catch her in a scandal. She didn't leave the house much because of it. I didn't have to click on the article to know at least ninety percent of it would be lies.
The fucked-up thing about all of this was that, somehow, the family business came out even more on top than we were before. Ever since Carlisle's betrayal, I kept our family out of any kind of partnership or alliance with others in the city. We didn't need the help, and I didn't trust anyone. Now, I had some of the most powerful people in the city on my side. There was a new sense of trust between all of us that would hopefully lead to a very successful relationship in the future.
Bella's name, however, was still constantly getting dragged through the dirt. She'd gone through hell and back for all of us and was the only one with any lasting damage from the whole thing. I wanted her to get angry, yell at me for ruining her, but all she ever did was shrug and tell me she was used to people talking about her.
They wrote about her spending too much at Cartier, but didn't talk about how it was a gift for Delilah. A ring that matched the ones she got for herself, Alice, and Rosalie years ago. The men in the family got tattoos when they had their first kill, and Bella decided the women needed something as well. Something that bonded them together and with Delilah having just turned eighteen and about to go off to college, she decided it was time to get her one.
If the innocent act of buying her niece a ring was an offensive act to the media, there wasn't much she could do to please them. I thought about it the entire drive home. I felt guilty for even thinking it, but it was almost a relief that Bella wasn't free to see all of the shit people said about her after the Volturi incident. It almost seemed worse this time around, even though the crime was far less extreme.
It was a pattern now, though. She had a record, a reputation of being in serious trouble. The public was quick to turn their back on her the first time, but they came around eventually. I wondered if they would be so quick to forgive her a second time.
…Dark…
The spreadsheet that laid out exactly how much Bella had been spending to pay my taxes distracted me enough to not realize she was leaning in the doorway, smiling at me. Tim, our accountant of sorts, finally gave in and sent me the numbers. As per Bella's instructions, I wasn't supposed to be mad at the man for allowing her to do so. Still, it was slightly infuriating that I went so long without even realizing she was doing it.
In the time that she had been back, it was obvious Bella was working through things. I found her in her office a lot, looking at her wall of awards or sitting at her piano but not playing anything. If I pushed, I knew she would bury whatever she was feeling even further down. That had been her worst character trait ever since we had Aiden. She never saw her problems as important enough to be focused on too long.
I left her alone for a while, asking her if she wanted to talk every few days. She would come to me eventually, but pushing wasn't the way to get her to do it.
"You spent a small fortune on my taxes the last few decades," I told her once my eyes met hers.
Bella shrugged, still smiling at me.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah. I think I'm…" she paused, looking almost nervous about what she was going to say. "I'm going to retire."
Immediately, it felt like a knife to the chest. She wasn't retiring because she wanted to. She was doing it because of the shit I had put her through the last few months.
"Bella – "
The sound of the front door opening and a small army practically barreling in cut me off. Fucking Saturday dinner.
She walked over, pressed a soft kiss to my cheek, and went downstairs to deal with our family.
Ever since the moment I met her, Bella had always been passionate about her job, whether it was acting, songwriting, producing, all of it. She wasn't the kind of woman to sit at home and do nothing all day. She enjoyed hard work and seeing it pay off. Her constant drive to push herself was one of the many reasons I loved her.
I knew, I fucking knew, she wasn't retiring because she wanted to. She was doing it because the world had turned on her because of the arrest and drug charges and all of the shit we had put on her the last few months.
When I snapped out of my initial panic, I stormed downstairs. Everyone was milling around the kitchen and living room. I ignored them all and zeroed in on my wife, casually tossing a salad like she hadn't just dropped a bomb on me.
"Isabella," I grunted, getting everyone's attention except the one I needed.
"Not now, Edward."
"Yes, right fucking now."
Finally, she looked at me, brows raised and eyes confused. Like she didn't think I would be upset she wanted to quit because of me.
"Edward, it's not that big of a deal. I shouldn't have told you. We can –"
"Why do you want to retire?" I asked, ignoring the few hushed gasps throughout the room.
Bella was quiet for a moment, but her eyes never left mine. She went from angry, probably at me for bringing it up in front of everyone, to a little dejected. "You know why."
"What about the label?"
She had been so excited about it, and it hadn't even been three months that she had it in her name.
Bella pushed the salad away from her, gripping the edge of the counter. She looked only at me, ignoring everyone else in the area.
"Four artists have left because of me. People that worked their entire goddamn lives to get a record deal left one because they didn't want to be associated with me. The label is crumbling around me and there's nothing I can do about it."
Fuck. "Why didn't you tell me?"
I wasn't well versed on the workings of record labels. I kept the board from overturning Bella while she way, but that was it. I assumed everything was running smoothly since she got back.
"Because you would have been supportive and sweet and ignored the fact that they are all right. Sometimes… sometimes a reputation can't be salvaged and I think mine is long gone."
The room was still. No one said anything because no matter how much she told us, none of us knew the lengths she had to go to salvage her reputation the last time. None of us had the slightest idea of how hard it was to live a life like hers, the center of every tabloid story since she was sixteen.
"You can turn it around on them though, Ma. Like you did before," Aiden said, suddenly by my side.
"It's not that easy, Aiden."
"It's different now, Bella," Jasper started. "You're not getting off of a murder trial. It has to be easier to make a comeback from rehab than murder."
"You're so good at what you do, Bella," Rosalie added. "reputation did so well, and –"
"Look, I appreciate everyone's concern, but this isn't the family business. It's not a family decision. This is my career and my choice."
She bypassed everyone and headed down the hall, toward her office. I stood in the middle of the kitchen and watched her walk away. As soon as she was out of sight, everyone started talking amongst themselves.
I tuned all of them out and thought about the way Bella's eyes would light up whenever she walked into my office and I was listening to the songs she wrote just for me. I thought about every time we were out to dinner and someone walked up and tentatively asked for a picture with her or an autograph, how she never looked put out or upset. I remembered the days of following her around the country, watching her put on what became the highest grossing female tour of the decade and loving every second of it.
The life Bella had chosen at sixteen wasn't easy. She had to put up with sexism and the entire world constantly critiquing her every move. She handled it with such grace all of the time, though. It never once crossed my mind that after this whole debacle she would just… give up.
The irony of the whole situation wasn't lost on me, because I tried to do the exact same fucking thing when I found out what Petrov was doing.
I found Bella in her office, sitting at her piano but not touching it. I sat beside her, sighing when she immediately rested her head on my shoulder.
"You should have told me things were this bad."
I knew the basics, knew everything that was written about her online, but I didn't know it was affecting her this much. Didn't know it was so bad she wanted to quit.
"You would have just tried to fix everything yourself."
"Yes, I would have. Because I love you."
"I know. That's why I'm okay with it. I have you and Aiden and I don't need anything else."
Bella looked up at me and the truth was written all over her face. She would give up everything she worked for if she thought she needed to, just for us.
"Promise me you won't do anything permanent, not yet." She started to protest, but I didn't let her. "I know it's your decision, and I'll support whatever you decide, but give yourself more time."
Bella pressed a kiss to my shoulder, neck, chin, all the way up to the corner of my lips. "Okay. Nothing permanent yet."
…Dark…
The coolest thing about having a kid was seeing equal parts of Bella and myself in him. Even now that he was eighteen, I saw new things about him that blew my mind all of the time. He had Bella's talent without a doubt. She taught him some instruments as he grew up and he stuck with the guitar. He'd always be adamant that he never wanted to pursue music, but it was more often than not that we heard him tinkering on his guitars late at night.
It wasn't until we watched him socialize with his classmates at graduation that I realized he had my ability to have a girl in the palm of his hands. It wasn't necessarily a trait Bella liked, but I thought it would be useful for him in the future. He was a kid, and I knew better than to assume he was completely innocent.
We walked by the kids as they were lining up, and Aiden had girls circling him. I could just make out a few telling him they were excited to watch him coaching this summer. He had started coaching kids' baseball a while back. He didn't play anymore, but still loved the sport.
I winked at him as we walked past and he blushed. Another one of Bella's traits.
With the name Cullen, we didn't have to wait long for his name to be called. It was a big fucking deal, watching that kid walk across the stage and grab his high school diploma after everything we had been through the last year. Our entire family was here to watch him and Delilah graduate, including Elena.
She wasn't part of our everyday lives, but she never pushed herself on Bella or any of us either. She was glad to have any part of Bella's life that she could get, and was gracious about it. It was a far cry from the woman we first met, and they would never have a traditional mother-daughter relationship, but it was nice for Aiden to have one grandparent here.
Once he was back in his seat, Bella sat down beside me and shook her head at me.
"What?"
Her eyes were a little wide as she spoke. "We have a kid. Who graduated high school."
"Yeah," I sighed.
"Remember when we found out I was pregnant?"
I laughed. "I remember coming home to you surrounded by fifty pregnancy tests."
She smiled up at me. "Yeah. I still have all of those in a box in the basement."
We all cheered just as loud for Delilah as she got her diploma. She would be going to Northwestern, too, but was also going to work at a local dance studio so she wasn't taking a full roster of courses.
We had a restaurant rented out and let both kids invite whoever they wanted to join us. There was food, every kind of non-alcoholic drink imaginable, and music. Most of the kids that showed up were Delilah's friends. Another clue that Aiden was too much like Bella and I; we didn't make friends very easily.
I leaned against a barstool, holding Bella's back against my chest as we watched everyone mingle. We were talking about our trip, trying to decide if we should go somewhere warm or cold when Aiden showed up.
"Having fun?" Bella asked him.
"Yeah," he smiled. He took a deep breath and steadied himself before starting again. "I know I've fucked up a lot lately. I know how much you guys sacrificed to help me and I know you probably saved my life a time or two. I'm sorry for all of the shit I put you through."
He held up a hand when both Bella and I tried to interrupt him.
"I'm going to make it up to you, though. I'm going to go to school and kick ass. And I'm going to prove to you that I have what it takes to be your second in command."
I felt Bella stiffen in my arms.
"I heard you talking to Emmett and Jasper about it a few weeks ago. I don't want some guy from Ireland coming here and taking over your legacy. It should be me. I want to protect the family, I want to learn how to be one of you. I know it'll take a long time for you to believe me and trust me, but I'll get there."
He smiled at us and kissed his mother's cheek and playfully punched my shoulder before walking back to his small group of friends.
Bella and I were silent for a minute. It was a hell of a speech, and the determination in his features was not lost on me.
"That's all you, you know," I said, squeezing my arms around her waist.
"Oh, no, that's definitely you."
A/N: I went through about five different versions of this chapter before I got here. It's not my favorite, but it's a hell of a lot better than what I had a few days ago. I can also confidently say there are two more chapters + an epilogue left for these two. It's so bittersweet to see the end, but I hope you guys enjoy the ride.
