This was done as part of a request given to me. I got asked to write something set for the mood of a certain Billie Eilish song called ' when the party's over'. It gave me the opportunity to tackle on a topic I wanted to write about since a while now but never really knew how.
Now I did.
Set 7-8 months after the end (The Sun ending).
The title, "Nur Zu Besuch", refers to a German song. It means "only to visit".


"This city doesn't forgive, it eats people alive. But you – well, you survived." - V

Kerry stared into the glass of vodka in his hand while what's-his-name nibbled on his neck and made a strange humming noise while at it, one that Kerry disliked. Was a major turn off but he couldn't even say why. Maybe because he was slowly coming down. Yeah the party had been nice and all but now the pills were fading off and the high got replaced by a low.

Now Kerry didn't even want to be in the same Del with who-cares-about-his-name. He actually rather wanted to be alone. Kerry turned his head to look out of the window and to avoid to give fuck-boy the stupid idea to actually press a kiss on his lips. A large megabuilding managed to catch his attention.

"Yo, Del. Are we in Little China right now? Over Ellison Street?"

"Affirmative, Mr. Eurodyne," the AI answered.

Kerry's heart skipped an anxious beat.

"Change of plans, Del. Let me out at the penthouse."

"Usual spot, Mr. Eurodyne?"

"Yes, where the fuck else."

"Uhm... Kerry? What change of plans? I thought we're heading to your place...?" Someone next to Kerry made himself heard, someone who finally stopped slobbering wet kisses on Kerry's neck.

"Yeah, sorry choomba. Del, make sure you bring this fine gentleman home, will ya?"

"But...," fuck-boy protested and Kerry threw him a hard glance. On second thought: what the hell was he even thinking to consider for a damn second to bring that guy home. Yeah, sure, a quick fuck would've been nice but... he used to have a better taste than this! But taking a good look at him, Kerry remembered: ah yeah, the green hair. Maybe it could've fooled him when seeing it from above while receiving a blow job or while taking him from behind... but of course that had been the stupid idea of drugged-and-drunk-Kerry. Sobering-up-Kerry had other plans now. And found that he actually wasn't in the mood for a blowjob or a fuck. Not even a quick one.


Kerry entered the dark apartment. With a deep and shuttering breath he took a step into the room, through the door over the balcony.

An almost haunting yet peaceful silence filled the place. Like a graveyard at night.

Everything was frozen in time. A still image of the past. Bathed in gorgeous neon lights.

Only a thin layer of dust broke the impression and Kerry let his finger run over the kitchen counter, leaving a dark line. Two empty glasses stood next to a bottle of wine that waited to be opened, for an occasion that would never come. Kerry hopped and sat on the counter and looked around, still not bothering to switch on the lights.

"Wait wait wait. You want to cook? You can cook? I saw you doing a lot of things but cooking wasn't one of them." V's stupid face was priceless. Kerry loved it to catch Mister I-am-such-a-cool-netrunner off guard.

"Surprised?" Kerry asked, feeling all smug and satisfied with himself while he hoped that the coffee machine understood that it should brew him a simple coffee without shitty extras.

"Yeah. Actually I am," V said honestly.

"Learned to cook from my mom when I was a kid. Said no woman would want a man who can't cook for himself."

V laughed. It was such a nice sight. Kerry loved it. Happened too rarely. "Bet that turned out well for you," V said.

"Never was good at it, though. Later, when I returned to the Philippines, after parting ways with Samurai... I picked it up again. Figured it's good for the soul. These days... neglected it like I neglected so many parts of myself. But hey... some soul food might do you good now. Might do us good. What ya say?" Kerry took the cup, sipped a bit of coffee, his eyes on V. Goddamn handsome fucker. But Kerry didn't fail to notice the sickness. V looked tired. So tired. It was written all over his face and no matter how hard V tried to hide it, Kerry would notice it. But tonight he didn't want to think about the sickness. Didn't want to think about the time they had left or what would happen in the future. Wanted to be in the present. Wanted to cook for said handsome fucker. Fish kinilaw would be nice. Something from home. Kerry doubted that he would ever get the chance to drag V to the Philippines, he was just too fucking busy with his stupid job at being the king of the Afterlife. But Kerry still wanted to share a bit of home with him.

Might do him good.

Might to both of them good.

Kerry got pulled back into the here-and-now. His gaze dropped and he hopped off the kitchen counter. He fondly remembered this night. Heck, the quickie right here, on the very same kitchen counter, was something he would probably never forget...

"Damn...", he mumbled and let a hand run over his face, through his hair before he walked over to the coffee machine. "Are you still working...?" he mumbled and pressed a button. The coffee machine made a friendly noise and a small light lit up. Kerry placed a cup under it. "No sugar. No milk. No extras. Just hot, black coffee, got that?"

A few moments later the apartment was still dark and still wrapped in reverent silence but now it smelled like fresh coffee in here. Kerry walked around and dropped down on the couch. The view through these windows was nice. Not as awesome as the view from his residence up at North Oak, but still nice. Was more like being close to the pulsing heart of the city itself and not watching it from afar, though, and that was something Kerry liked.

Like being on the roof of the Dark Matter.

"Think you can drive the shadows away?"

"I can even protect you from yourself."

"Is he..."

V didn't even let him finish this sentence. His hands were sliding against Kerry's neck, up into his hair, pulling him into a soft kiss. Kerry's brain went flat. He instantly forgot what he'd even wanted to say.

Until V broke the kiss. But he was still so close, Kerry could feel V's breath on his lips. Ah. Yeah. Johnny.

"Does it matter...?" V asked and Kerry liked how V's voice sounded.

It didn't matter. Fuck, nothing mattered, actually. All the anxiety. The panic attacks. Sitting alone in the darkness. For hours. Holding a gun at his head under the shower. The fucking shadows and this feeling of slowly drowning in the mud. And Johnny.

"Nah," Kerry heard himself say, "Not anymore."

And it was the truth. Kerry knew that the moment he said it and the moment he felt V's lips on his own a second time.

"Fuck...", Kerry mumbled and buried his face in his hands for a couple of seconds, until he felt like he could open his eyes again. He turned away from the windows, seeing the lights of the city outside wasn't making things any better. His gaze fell on a guitar that sat in the corner of the couch. Kerry pulled it towards him and hit the strings for a second or two and a small, sad smile wandered over his face for a moment. It was a green Lyridon Chrome. Not really a good guitar. Kerry himself would never play something like this. But a nice beginner's model for sure.

It was Kerry's favourite time of the day, the golden hour in the evening when a setting sun filled the whole room with warm light. And while V sang and played, Kerry watched his hands, his fingers and finally V's face. The light that came through the windows gave the guitar an almost emerald shimmer but Kerry was even more drawn to that golden light reflecting in V's eyes. Like an inner flame, setting those cold, white Kiroshi implants on fire. A warmth that seemed to spread over Kerry, too. And he slowly started to hum with him, smilingly tapping his foot to the rhythm.

Kerry felt a knot forming in his stomach. It made breathing harder and singing too but he still started to hit some basic strum pattern with alternate bass picking.

"Is this all that there is even after, years of trial and error, learning how to love, be loved and destroyed...", Kerry sang but his voice lacked the usual power and strength, felt frail, weak. "Let's board up the bedroom win-windows, fire off Roman candles, w-watch all the ghosts in our... our clothes... fuck!" Kerry threw the guitar through the room. It crashed against a table and made the unhappy sound of snapping strings.

Kerry bit his trembling lip and blinked a few times.

"This was a bad idea... such a fucking bad idea... should've taken that choom home and fucked his and my brains out... dammit."

He noticed how his voice came out like a whimper and decided that monologues were off the table now.

Also it felt like the knot in his stomach had turned into a hairy animal that wanted out.

Now.

Kerry rushed into the bathroom, prepared to spill his guts into the toilet but even though the urge was there, nothing happened. He leaned on the sink, breathing heavily. Also something was up with his vision. Stupid implants. Why again did he pay so much money for shitty chrome...?

He lifted his head and activated the mirror to check what the fuck was wrong with his eyes and the moment he saw his face, he knew it.

Kerry hastily wiped his eyes and felt something wet on his hands. He looked around for some distraction. Bathroom was a bad place for this. Because bathroom was empty and contained the shower where they used to have great shower sex. He noticed a big bottle of pills on the sink and hesitated. He took the bottle into his hands, his face distorted in sorrow.

"V? Are you getting done now? We're already late!" Kerry yelled through the apartment. He frowned when he got no answer.

"Yo! V!"

Nothing.

Kerry walked up to the bathroom, maybe V didn't hear him under the shower, but before he could open the door, he heard a thump, like something heavy just fell to the ground. A cold wave washed over Kerry and he stormed into the room.

"Fuck, V!" he cried out, panic rising inside of him and he let himself drop down on his knees, next to V's lifeless body.

"What the... don't do this to me now, V, come one!" He already prepared to call Trauma Team, Viktor and every ripper doc of the Afterlife simultaneously – when V slowly started to move his head in Kerry's lap.

"Hmmmm...", V hummed tired, opening his eyes. He was clearly disoriented for a moment.

"Don't fucking do this again, fucker!", Kerry yelled, his voice drenched with angst.

"Just... a small moment of weakness... probably showered... too hot... can you... give me my pills..." V mumbled with cracked voice.

Kerry frantically looked around, saw the bottle, grabbed it and dumped a handful of pills into V's mouth.

With Kerry's help, V slowly got up but decided to rather sit on the floor for the time being. Kerry on the other hand couldn't sit or stand still and walked tiny and nervous circles.

"It's getting worse, isn't it? Fuck, it's getting worse. You almost flatlined under the shower! Fuck. We go see Viktor. Now. Or even better Trauma Team. Shit! Will dial for a Del right now-"

"Ker."

V's voice was so soft and calm. Kerry took in a breath and held it, not sure how to react.

"I am alright. I swear. Feeling already better. See?" V tried it with a smile but Kerry couldn't be fooled and frowned. Then he helped V up on his legs and forced him to look into the mirror where he would see a pale, gaunt face.

"Alright? You call this alright...? You look like a fucking crack head, dying on the streets of Watson!"

V grimaced a bit. "Yeah, had better days, sure..."

"I... I don't know if I can do this any longer," Kerry let out, defeated, despaired.

"What?" V turned towards him, leaning against the sink so not to break down again.

"I am watching you falling apart. Every single fucking day I have to watch how life literally leaves your body, V."

"Sorry but are you breaking up with me right now?" V frowned.

"I-" Kerry escaped his gaze.

"You promised, Kerry. You promised you would be there. You fucking promised it to me," V said with slightly trembling yet brutally sharp voice. "I am holding up here, only for you. Any idea how fucking hard it is to get out of bed every morning? Shit, I lost sight in my left eye a week ago. Had Vik do some cyberfixing so I can still see with it. Almost feel like I start to replace my whole fucking body with implants but can't replace my brain, can I?" He tipped his head. "Ya think I have fun having these cluster headaches or holes in my memory, big enough to shove a Militech mech through? But I keep fighting. And I'm still standing. Or am I not?"

Kerry decided to be brave enough to look back at V. Where the hell did that man take the strength to talk like this and to radiate vigor like the embodiment of life?

"Yeah... you are...", Kerry slowly nodded.

"Exactly. I am. According to Viktor I should've flatflined a fucking month ago. But I am still here."

"Yeah. You are." Kerry smiled a sad smile. "Sorry, V. Guess I panicked more than I should there for a moment. Care to forgive an old man?" Kerry reached out and cupped V's face, stroking those dry and pale lips gently.

"Think I will", V smiled.

A week later V had been dead.

Kerry found himself in the bed, his face buried in the pillows. He wasn't even sure if he was sobbing or not, felt like his body and his mind were detached.

After what felt like eternity, he turned on his back and spread his arms. One of his hands felt some cloth, something that wasn't a bed sheet. He must've missed it in the darkness of the apartment but now that he pulled it in front of his face, he knew what it was.

Kerry sat up, held still for a moment, even held his breath. Like he was afraid to dive deeper into his memories. But how much deeper could he fall...

So he breathed out a shuttered sigh and pulled the red blazer into his arms, hugged the piece tightly, like it was a human being. He buried his face deep into the cloth, eyes closed and took a deep breath.

"V what's up with you and your stupid blazers and suit jackets all the time? You look like a fuckin' corpo fascista," Kerry said and gauged the formerly naked V who'd just slipped into his netrunner suit, pants and a red Jinguji jacket.

"I like the style. Don't ya think I look all posh and preem in them?"

"Eh. You don't want an answer to that."

"Oh like you own style, rockerboy. Aren't tight leather pants a bit last century...?"

"Never out of fashion, choom."

V sat down on the edge of the bed and gave Kerry a kiss.

"Need to delta."

"Ya know the good thing about your choice of clothes...?" Kerry hummed.

V shook his head.

"I am even more keen to get you out of them." A smug smirk crossed Kerry's face, proud that he'd already made a kinky joke only ten minutes after waking up.

V grinned.

"I will hold you to that tonight."

"Promises, promises...!" Kerry yelled after him and crossed his arms behind his head, leaning back into the pillows with a satisfied sigh.

The red jacket still held V's scent. Kerry wanted to drown in it. Fall asleep. Have pleasant dreams. And not wake up again.

"You can't just... just crash into my life like a hurricane and then leave again in the same fucking manner..." Kerry sobbed quietly into the blazer. He didn't bother to hide it anymore. Tears were drenching the cloth. He didn't care. He wanted him back. He wanted him back so badly.

So fucking badly.

But no money, no fame, no rich corpo asshole, no secret bio chip, no miracle of the modern tech world, nothing in this whole fucking world would bring V back to him.

He would never hold him in his arms

ever

again.

Call me friend but keep me closer (call me back)

And I'll call you when the party's over

Quiet when I'm comin' home and I'm on my own

And I could lie, say I like it like that, like it like that

Yeah, I could lie, say I like it like that, like it like that

But nothin' is better sometimes

Once we've both said our goodbyes

Billie Eilish - When The Party Is Over

One year later.

The sun was shining. Kerry lit a cigarette and took off his sunglasses. He leaned against the dark wall in the columbarium, watching the grey smoke wandering from his mouth toward the sky.

"The kids are doing alright. Will go on vacation with them in a couple of months, after the tour."

He took in a deep drag. Blew out the smoke. Was silent for a while.

"Really looking forward to it. Gonna go hit the islands, get home, ya know? But tour first. Gonna be nova, I tell ya. Unplugged, just me and my guitar in a couple of exclusive bars all over Europe. Real luxury shit. Only between fifty and sixty tickets per concert. Whole shit was sold out in a damn second. Man, this is going to be amazing...! Wanted to do something like that for a while now. No clue why I never did."

Again silence. Only the very quiet sound of a smoldering cigarette and the cars on the road in the distance. And was that a bird he heard...? Probably not.

"Wish you could come with me, man. Would've been really preem. Been telling the kids about ya, think they would've liked you."

Kerry pushed himself off the wall and turned around, patting the plate with V's name with a sad smile.

"Gotta delta. Just wanted to pay you a visit before I fly to Paris tomorrow." His voice got quiet and soft. Words only meant for one person.

"Love ya, V. Always have. Always will."

And as Kerry walked back to his car, he had a smile and a song on his lips. "... and a thing of beauty... will never fade away..."


I know this reads a little bit like the end to this whole one shot collection. And while it's not, it does mean a break for now. At the moment I have no good ideas for upcoming one shots and want to focus on two other projects.
That doesn't mean I won't write any one shots about Kerry and V anymore! The DLCs will come and I am sure they will hit me with ideas and I am still open to prompts, requests - and to my own brain, hitting me randomly with one shot ideas at night.
You never know what might happen.
But I want to take the chance here to thank all of your for reading, love everyone of you!