I tried a different style of writing here, one where I thought it would fit the tone of this short one shot. I tried something new so I am not sure if I really succeeded with the experiment.
Warning: descriptive MCD.
"And even after knowing how things will end...
… Our hearts still hope for that one happy ending."
Nibbles watched the first snow flake of this winter. Curious cat eyes followed as it slowly made its way towards the ground. Nibbles tried to catch it. Little paws hit glass. Confusing stuff. He licked his paw, showing the snow flake that he didn't care and didn't really wanted to catch it, actually. After all, the snow flake didn't need to know about the failed hunting attempt.
An old song played in the radio, filling the cold apartment with a sweet sound."Singin', don't worry, about a thing. 'Cause every little thing, gonna be all right..."
Nibbles hopped down from the table and walked over to the open kitchen to inspect his bowl. Frustratingly it was still empty. This isn't right! he meowed in demand. The feeders were very late today. Why was the bowl still empty?
Fuck. That was all that V's brain could come up with right now, through the stinging pain in his head, his chest and his stomach. His vision wasn't blurry. It was simply not there. He'd always expected a literal black out but it was more like grey noise and a few lights. Hundreds of errors popped up. Organ failure. Cyberware malfunction. V lacked the nerve right now to keep track of them. He tried to restore his vision first but rebooting the Kiroshi implants didn't help, the problem was not the hardware, it was the fuckin' software.
His brain.
V turned on his back, maybe breathing would be easier that way. Turned out: it wasn't. He just wished he knew if his lungs were the problem or his heart. Well fuck – it was probably his heart. He could hear the water of his pool, moved by the harsh, cold winter wind and the static noise of something between his ears. Fuck! Why was the Del already gone? Why the fuck was Kerry out tonight? And why the fuck was his body giving up, right now, right here?
V failed to accept it. He would not go down here. Not like this. The past weeks had been hell. Breaking down in the bath room. Randomly losing consciousness. Coughing up blood had been a pasttime activity anyway but the blood had never been this dark and clumped. So this was most likely just another attack. Right?
Finding out that his Gorilla arms still seemed to work, V punched himself on the chest. Again. And again. Gave his heart a jump start until he could feel the beat again, at least. Unsteady and heavy in his chest. Then he dug around in his pockets and pulled out a MaxDoc Mk.3. Strong shit. It gave him the adrenaline kick he needed, to find the strength to get up. He had to get into the house and he had to get into his work shop and he had to get his implants running again.
After being back on his legs, V suddenly tasted iron on his tongue. Something wet and foamy boiled up in his throat. V spit it out. Immediately he had to throw up afterwards but had no clue what it was that came out of his stomach but it came with more taste of iron on his tongue.
Programs were running wild and he skipped through his Cyberdeck as good as he could, forced new neurons to interact with the implants in his eyes, breached protocols he shouldn't breach but he couldn't give less of a fuck.
Vision returned to his right eye. At the same time his fingers always twitched now when he blinked but that was a small prize to pay for some god damn vision. It also didn't came in colour but who would complain.
V managed to pull out his phone. Dropped it into the puddle of vomit and blood. Got it out. Swiped it on his shirt. Skipped through the phone. Fuck, why was that man so deep down in his contacts and why wasn't he on fast dial anyway! V forced his thumb to do one more click on the touch screen to dial Viktor's number.
Pick up, Vik. Come on. Pick up, pick up, pi-
"Hey V, what can I do for you?" Warm, deep, familiar voice.
Help me, Viktor. V wanted to say it but couldn't. There was only coughing what should be words. And yet it was all Viktor needed to know.
"Shit. Hold up, V. You hear me? I will get a Del to pick you up at your position asap. Just hold on. Hold on, V. You gotta hold on. Hold on ."
"...'Cause every little thing,
is gonna be all right..."
The pain was gone. Replaced by something worse: numbness. V couldn't feel his legs any more. Or his arms. Or his face. He should be able to feel his face, right? Right now he wondered if he even had one. This was worse than Mikoshi. Phantom pain was better than no feeling at all.
At least he could see a tiny white spot that slowly got bigger and bigger. Then Viktor's face got revealed, blurry. V managed to move his head and looked into Misty's face. Her make up was even more messed up than usual. It looked wet, smudgy.
"Can you hear me, V?" she asked with her quiet, soft voice. Soft Misty. Soft, soft, soft. Everything was so warm about her. V nodded. She smiled.
"Viktor is... trying to remove... something from your heart. He... had to give you a very strong sedative. Don't try and look. Your chest is open."
Come on, Misty. I've seen worse shit than my own open chest.
She took in a deep breath. It was now that V realized that she was holding his hand, though he could only guess it from the way she was standing. He couldn't feel it.
"Your body is a mess, V" Viktor said, his voice trembling slightly. From concentration, V hoped. "I fixed you up as good as I could, restored some failed systems. I gave your lungs a boost, too. Removed clusters of blood that leaked out of your organs and into places it shouldn't leak, but..."
Yeah. But was no good. V hated buts. There was never a but... good news! No. But always meant bad shit.
"I don't know what I should do about your brain. I can't just take it out and replace it with Cyberware. The tumours in there... I am not even sure I can remove them without permanent and heavy damage to the tissue."
V closed his eyes. He felt like clinching tightly and painfully to a rope that he could just let go. To fall. His body asked for it, right now, right here. Let go off the rope. Take the fall. Keep your eyes shut and just refuse to breath in these useless breaths.
Bullshit!
V had refused to fall asleep in his bed and never wake up, he'd refused to break down in an aisle and bleed to death, he'd refused to throw his life away in Mikoshi and let Johnny have his body. Fuck, he had a life to live. And he would make damn sure not to go down on Viktor's ripper doc chair, either. Brain replacement not possible? Fuck that. The Blue Eyed Man would make it possible.
As he felt V's grip on his arm, Viktor stopped working. From the look on his face, it hurt. V had no real control over the Gorilla arms any more. Carefully Viktor put the bloodied tools aside and loosened the hard grip of the fingers around his arm. He gnawed on his bottom lip in a pondering way but then slowly nodded.
"I have to butcher you. I hope you know that. You're gonna look like a failed Maelstrom experiment," Viktor mumbled.
V nodded. Whatever it took.
"I am not even sure I can remove all of the black clumps in your chest..."
Fuck it, Vik. Just do it.
"V there can be... acceptance of your fate," Misty said, so quiet, so soft. A voice like soothing balm for the soul. "You don't have to go through this any longer. Vik, he said... he can give you pills. Strong pills against the pain. You would be conscious and with us and just fade away, if you want to..."
Pain, what fucking pain, V wished to be able to feel pain, at least! Acceptance?
No.
"Boy is made from something harder than steel," Viktor mumbled, more to himself than anyone else in the room.
Then he grabbed his tools again, set himself another shot, pulled the screens into vision and soon enough V could hear the sound of flesh being cut, metal moving in soft tissue, smacking like boots in mud.
Kerry. Kerry, Kerry, Kerry. Kerry. V's mouth tried to word the name. He was surprised how cracked it sounded. A mere whisper. There should be more voice in his throat, he thought. Misty understood nevertheless, she grabbed V's phone, her hand shaking just slightly. Left the room and made a call.
There was sweat on Viktor's forehead while he worked on V's chest. Under all the concentration, mirroring on Viktor's face, there was also worry. Deep worry. It was this moment V understood: it wouldn't be alright.
"...Singin', don't worry, about a thing
Worry about a thing, no..."
Kerry arrived fast. Or maybe not – V couldn't tell. He'd lost his sense of time a while ago. At least a sense for his body had returned. And it wasn't pleasant. Viktor's drugs must slowly fade off but that was good, that was preem. V wouldn't want it any other way. He wanted to be able to feel.
Kerry's face was a mask of stone. Whatever went through his head upon the sight of V in this ripper doc chair, he didn't show anyone.
His voice, however, was telltale.
"Fuck, V... don't... don't do this to yourself."
He stepped next to the chair and took V's hand. It was a nice and warm feeling that got buried quickly under heavy waves of pain that were crushing over V non stop, like a flood that came to tear down a whole country.
V managed to frown. Grit his teeth. He tried to sit up, he really did.
Didn't work. Whatever was keeping him conscious right now, whatever was keeping him alive – it wasn't his body.
Kerry didn't cry. Not a single tear shimmered in his eyes while he looked at V, seemingly unafraid and calm but V could easily see beneath the charade. Kerry's whole body was tense and there was deep fear hidden in his gaze.
Misty cried. V didn't see her but he heard the quiet sobbing next to him. Viktor, behind Kerry, had stopped working. He slowly took off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. Then he looked up, into Misty's direction. She said something. V couldn't understand it. A moment later Viktor left and V assumed that Misty left too.
Three, four seconds later a dam broke.
A shiver went through Kerry's whole body, visibly, as he almost broke down. Instead he just leaned in, one hand holding V's, his other hand stroking V's hair, slowly and loving. Such a gently touch, so soothing, numbing the pain.
Don't cry, Kerry. It doesn't suit you. I will be fine, don't worry.
V's mind was clear the moment he lost his vision but he felt Kerry's lips against his temple, a trembling kiss and a faint vibration. Spoken words? A hummed song, maybe?
V's mind was clear the moment he felt his body getting colder.
Don't worry. I am not leaving you, Kerry. Alright? Not gonna do that. Am just seriously tired right now.
His mind was clear and he knew he wanted to be angry, he'd been angry before at the unfairness, the pain, the shit show that was his life but he felt Kerry's presence, still. Maybe in death there was no wrath, only love.
He didn't close his eyes, lacking even the strength to do that.
Just his mind was clear, as he thought that this world was nothing more than just a play of lights and shadows and life, dwarfed to insignificance in the endless corridor of angles, was yielded by mirrors that reflected each other.
And every little thing was gonna be alright.
Lyrics and title are taken from Bob Marley - Three Little Birds.
