But before Olivia could pick up the paper, he stopped her by grabbing her arm and looking her straight in the eye.

"But it's in Texas."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

15 hours after Cragen's offer, Olivia was sitting on a plane bound for Texas. This was actually the first time in her life that she would be visiting the state, and despite the situation, a little interest had awakened in her for the first time in months.

She went over the conversation in her mind she had had with her captain.

"A couple of weeks ago I received a personal request from the Texas police. They would need a detective specializing in sexual crimes to help, and they had heard about our unit and its success," he stood up and held the paper of interest to Olivia out of her reach. "There's a farm," he continued. "It is located near the town of Crowell, I think they mainly grow grain and corn there. In addition, they have some domestic animals and also provide accommodation services for travelers and tourists. It's a big farm, and a more popular tourist destination than you might think."

"Even if children disappear there?" Olivia frowned in surprise, and Cragen shrugged.

"Don't ask me. Maybe they're thinking the parents take care of the children badly, I don't know. Anyway, in the last couple of years, children have gone missing from the farm, 10 in total at the moment. Some have disappeared for good, some bodies have been found later. All the same, none of them have survived."

"Ten?" Olivia exclaimed. "Hasn't the police known about this before?"

"My understanding is no, the owners of the farm have kept the events to themselves, because they get a lot of income from tourism, and it will suffer if this comes to light," Cragen shook his head in frustration. "However, one farm worker had secretly told the police about it, this worker is their source and will also assist you if you decide to go, and they haven't gotten anyone else to help yet."

"Of course I'll do it, I said I can do anything."

Cragen looked at her evaluating and bit his lip. Suddenly he looked like he was beginning to regret his offer.

He doesn't believe I can do this.

"It can be very dangerous, Olivia, I…"

"I can do this," Olivia crossed her arms. "I want to do this."

As her captain was still biting his lip hesitantly, Olivia whispered:

"Please, let me do this."

And then Cragen sighed: "Fine, I'll call to Texas and ask them if they still need you."

"Thank you, Captain."

And less than a day later, she was sitting on a plane, clutching a untouched sandwich in her hands. The Texas police had been very pleased to receive help, not least from the illustrious Olivia Benson.

The brightest detective of them all.

Not anymore.

Just a shell.

She hadn't left New York since Elliot's death. She had felt that then she would leave him, forget him, cease to cherish his memory, and she hadn't been able to leave. People around her had asked, encouraged and begged her to do something. Anything. Something to get her mind to think something else. And she had tried. She had gone to cafes, gone for walks, used her days off to explore her hometown. It was amazing how little she finally knew the city she had lived in all her life. But nothing had felt like anything. Often, she had ended up in the cemetery, sitting against the cold headstone, knowing that Elliot was not in the casket that had been lowered into the ground on a rainy morning.

She had met Elliot's kids a few times after their father's death, but eventually the meetings had imperceptibly only become less frequent and eventually stopped altogether. The kids had moved on with their lives, done their grieving, and Olivia had no longer wanted to be the person to remind them of their loss.

Olivia hadn't seen Kathy since the funeral. Elliot and Kathy had divorced less than a year before his death, so naturally the relationship between her and Olivia had also cooled, if you could have called it warm. They had gotten along, better since Eli was born.

Olivia turned her gaze away from the plane window and dug a paper out of her bag. After arriving at the Dallas airport, she would have to find a bus to Wichita Falls and travel to the city where the farm worker, James Murray, would pick her up. She was set to play James' cousin Emily Murray. From the Texas police, her contact would be the Crowell sheriff, and they would also cooperate with the FBI.

You better take care of yourself, Fin, Munch and Nick had told her when they had taken her to the airport and hugged her unusually long and tight. Even Munch.

I will, she had forced a small smile on her face before entering the airport door. In her mind, she could only see the look on Cragen's face when she had accepted the job offer.

The last change.

She took a farm brochure from her bag and started looking at its colorful pages. Greenvalley Farm - experience real Texas. The last time she had stayed at the farm was when she had been a child. Her mother had decided one summer that summer in the city was not a real summer. They had traveled on a hot and stuffy bus for many hours to Pennsylvania, spent the night at the farm, and returned to New York in the morning. Her mother had been up all night because of the loud animals, and she didn't want to stay another minute.

Olivia put the papers back into her bag and closed her eyes. The further away New York was, the lonelier she felt. She felt a familiar feeling creep into her body; it was a mixture of nervousness, panic, and a sense of detachment, and she tried to take deep breaths to calm her mind. However, nothing was as effective as recalling those deep blue eyes that were so familiar, so safe, that they had calmed her then, and they calmed her now.

"You can do this, Liv," his eyes sparkled like an ocean on a sunny summer day.

"Thank you, El."

And that sparkle of the sun slowly but surely spread to her cold heart.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The plane had landed in Dallas, and to Olivia's surprise, she had also found the bus. It was hot in the bus, the temperature outside was already high despite the early morning, and she opened the water bottle in frustration. The bus ride would take about 3 hours, and she was already ready to run away after only 10 minutes of travelling.

And like that wouldn't be enough, someone sat down next to her.

"Hi, is this free?" The woman asked and pointed to the bench next to Olivia. "I have a seat in the back, but I'm suffering from motion sickness, so if it's okay, could I sit here?"

"Sure," Olivia answered, despite the fact that she would have preferred to sit alone.

"Where are you going?"

Great, she wants to talk.

"To Crowell."

"Really? I suppose you're going to Greenvalley Farm?"

"Yes, how did you know it?"

The woman gave a laugh. "Well, no one goes to Crowell if they won't visit the farm."

"Oh, right."

The woman was quiet for a moment before asking: "You travelling alone?"

Well, what does it look like?

"Yes, you?"

"Yeah, I live in Jacksboro with my husband. I was visiting my sister in New York. I'm Marge, by the way, who are you?"

"I'm O-… Emily. Emily Murray. My cousin works at the farm."

"That's nice. I've heard it's a really beautiful place."

"Yeah…"

"So, you're travelling alone. Do you have husband or…?"

Okay, what's wrong with you, Marge? I've literally known you about 5 minutes.

"No, I don't."

"Oh, okay. I've always felt sorry for people who doesn't have anyone. I've…"

"My partner died two years ago."

The words escaped Olivia's lips before she could stop herself. Yes, Elliot had been her partner. But in this context, it sounded like something else.

Elliot wasn't your husband, he was your friend.

But why does it hurt so much then?

"Oh, I'm sorry," Marge suddenly seemed to realize her mistake, and she pursed her lips apologetically. "I'm too curious sometimes."

"It's okay, it's already been two years."

"Yeah…" Marge stayed silent for a moment before opening her mouth again. "But I know what it's like to lose a close person," tears welled up in her eyes.

"I'm sorry for your loss."

"I'm sorry for yours too."

Silence fell between them, and Olivia turned her gaze out the window. But then there was Marge's quiet voice:

"You know... I think that if you truly love someone deeply, the pain of loss will never go away completely."

And Olivia couldn't say anything anymore, because all her strength went into the fight against tears. A cry burned her throat, and she only managed to nod in response.

Love. The most beautiful thing it the world. The thing which had power to heal people, make them whole, but on the other hand, it had power to wreck people, drown them into the darkness.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Olivia was ready to take an immediate shower when she finally stepped off the bus. The temperature outside was no better, as the air was hot as hell as she walked through the parking lot. She had been told that James owned a white Jeep, so she looked for a car matching the description. Spotting one, she leaped to the car, hoping it had a working air conditioner, but to her surprise, there was no one inside the car.

The long, bumpy bus ride and the heat made her feel giddy, so she leaned against the car and rested her head on her arm.

But then there was a man's voice behind her.

"Emily?"

And she felt as if the whole world had made a spin in her eyes.

No.

It can't be.

It's not possible.

She felt as if her entire body had paralyzed, but miraculously she managed to turn in the direction of the voice.

And then the color escaped her face, her body went completely numb, and the only thing keeping her from collapsing to the ground was the car she was still leaning against.

Because the man, standing in front of her, was Elliot.