And then the color escaped her face, her body went completely numb, and the only thing keeping her from collapsing to the ground was the car she was still leaning against.
Because the man, standing in front of her, was Elliot.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Marge had been right—Greenvalley Farm was beautiful. It was amazing how there was such a green place in such a dry environment, just like an oasis in the middle of a desert. The fields bordering the gravel road and surrounding the farm continued as far as the eye could see, and here and there were also flowers that colored the landscape.
The car turned into the yard, dusting the gravel road, and Olivia got out of the car. A little further from the yard was clearly the house of the farm owners, in the farmyard itself there were a few agricultural buildings and machines. Immediately behind the buildings there were fences for domestic animals, and a few individual small cottages. She eyed the yard in astonishment, because she hadn't expected something like this. Everything seemed to be in order, and for a farm, the yard was unusually neat and tidy.
"You like it?"
She flinched when she heard Elliot's voice beside her. She hadn't noticed that he had moved to her side.
"It's… Beautiful," she answered, and he grinned.
"Really? A Manhattan girl actually thinks that?"
Olivia snorted and opened the car's tailgate.
"Yeah, I'm full of surprises." Then she took her suitcase and put it on the ground. "So, where's my room?"
She was so tired it was a miracle she was still standing. Her brain needed sleep to process what had just happened. It was as if her mind and heart had decided not to believe in anything; she had been trying to deal with Elliot's death for two years, but even though her mind had told her to accept it, her heart had disagreed. The conflict between the mind and the heart had locked her in a stagnant state, which over time had begun to turn into a prison, a dark cave from which she couldn't find an exit. And now that Elliot was standing in front of her, breathing, tanned by the Texas sun, her heart refused to believe again. It had grown such a thick protective shield around itself that reality couldn't get through it. It was as if there was a seal on her heart, making sure that the diamond-hard shells, that kept the memory of Elliot inside, couldn't open and let the truth in.
It didn't matter that this time the truth would have released the pain she'd been holding inside for so long, that she couldn't remember what it was like to live without it.
Elliot suddenly looked embarrassed and started rubbing his neck. "Yeah, well, about that..."
"What? Olivia squinted her eyes.
"The accommodation capacity is currently full, which means that all cabins are booked," he waved his hand towards the buildings a little further. "I told the farm owners that my "cousin" was coming to visit, and they said it would be best if you stayed with me during that time."
With Elliot..
A few hours earlier he was dead, now he wants me to live with him.
"W-what?" The reality hit Olivia's face like a tidal wave, and her mouth dropped open.
"There is one free bed upstairs in the barn, if you don't mind 20 other travelers," Elliot hurried to say, and Olivia closed her eyes in frustration.
Great.
This can't be real.
Any of this.
"Where do you live?" Olivia heard herself ask, even though she felt like the last bit of strength had left her body with his announcement. The heat burned her dark hair, and she felt that if she didn't get to lie down in the shade soon, her body would no longer be able to fight the ever-increasing dizziness.
"I live over there," he pointed to the slightly larger buildings opposite the tourists' cabins. "It's not big, but you can have your own room and a working shower and WC..."
"Fine," Olivia huffed and grabbed her suitcase. "I can live with you, this heat is killing me."
"You'd better get used to it," Elliot said, and took the suitcase from Olivia's hand. On the handle of the suitcase, their hands touched slightly each other, but it sent electric shocks running up her spine.
"Let me take it. You look pale, is everything okay?"
"Yeah… Just… The heat and the long trip. I promise that after a shower and a nap, I'll be as good as new."
"Okay, good."
He looked at her evaluating for a moment longer, but Olivia kept her eyes fixed straight ahead. She had to concentrate on taking steps and was unable to do anything else. Finally they arrived at the door of the house and Elliot unlocked it. It was surprisingly tidy and cool inside, and she dropped the suitcase to the ground.
"It's not a mansion but…"
"I like it."
"Really?" Elliot's expression brightened, and he began to introduce his apartment. "This is a two-room apartment, the bedroom is separate. You can have it, I can sleep on the couch."
"Oh, okay. Thanks."
"The bathroom is here," he opened the door, and Olivia glanced at the shower longingly. "I don't think you'll get lost."
"Are you absolutely sure about that?"
Elliot laughed and dug out a bottle of water from the fridge. Olivia dragged her suitcase into the bedroom and collapsed onto the bed on her back. For a moment, she took a deep breath with her eyes closed, but opened them when she realized that Elliot was standing in the doorway of the room, looking uncertain.
"I have to go back to work, but… Do you need something?"
I need you, El.
I need you to come to bed with me and never let go.
"No, I'm good," she forced a faint smile on her face. "Thank you."
"You're welcome," Elliot smiled, and a moment later she heard the front door close. And at the same moment when the door slammed shut, the panic stroke her out of nowhere.
Elliot left.
You'll lose him again.
How the hell am I supposed to find the serial killer? She thought. How the hell am I supposed to do anything?
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Gunshots.
People screaming.
A slowly growing puddle of blood.
Elliot.
"ELLIOT!"
Olivia bounced to sit and opened her eyes. Her heart was beating so furiously it felt like it was going to explode, and she was drenched in sweat. Panic was tingling inside her as she eyed the room.
Where the hell am I?
She rubbed her eyes and slowly got out of bed. She felt as if she had forgotten everything that had happened to her during the day.
Forgotten.
Elliot.
And then it all came back to her like a tidal wave, and she glanced at the clock. She had slept for almost 4 hours, although she hadn't even noticed that she had fallen asleep, and the day had already started to turn into evening. Taking a shower was starting to seem like an even more appealing idea, as the very familiar nightmare combined with a hot room was a pretty bad combination.
She started to look for her towel, but then there was a slam on the front door, and after a moment there was a light knock on the room door.
"Miss Benson?"
Okay, that sounds weird.
"Yeah, come in."
The door opened slowly, and Elliot stepped in. The sight made tears well up in Olivia's eyes again.
"And never call me Miss Benson again."
Elliot looked questioning, and that's when pain cut through Olivia's heart. Yes, Elliot being alive was a miracle, everything she had hoped for in two years. But still he felt like she hadn't gotten her former partner back. He was James in the body of Elliot; he didn't remember his former life, he didn't remember her. And she would never have been able to imagine how much it hurt to look into his deep blue eyes, to look at a person she loved with all her heart, but who didn't even recognize her. Familiar eyes with a strange look.
"Sure, should I call you Olivia or Emily? I'm not very experienced in this kind of things."
If only you knew…
"You can call me Olivia as long as you are sure there are no other people nearby. So, actually, not anywhere else but here," she meant his apartment. "Everywhere else you call me Emily."
"Roger that. Did you have any plans? I thought I could give you a little introduction to the farm and its surroundings if you're feeling better. Because earlier you looked like you were barely staying on your feet."
"Yeah, it was just the Texas sun," Olivia waved her hand dismissively. It wasn't because my whole world had turned upside down. "But I'd like that. I'll take a quick shower first, if it's okay?"
"Take your time," Elliot grinned, and Olivia headed for the bathroom.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
The evening sun was lighting the landscape softly, and the scorching air of the day had turned to gentle warmth as Olivia and Elliot walked down the road between the fields towards the farm. Elliot had shown her the whole area, including its neighbors, and she had been amazed at the size of the area. The nearest neighbor had lived a mile away, and the fields continued as far as the eye could see. The scenery was a complete contrast to the hustle and bustle of Manhattan, but Olivia had found herself liking it.
Especially when Elliot was with her.
Even though it had become increasingly clear during the afternoon that Elliot really didn't remember anything about his past life, Olivia had felt that every minute she spent with him made the darkness within her become less desolate and cold.
"So... Do you understand now why tourists want to come here?" Elliot asked, grabbing a straw from the side of the road between his teeth. The sight amused Olivia, and she realized that she had almost forgotten what real joy felt like.
Such a countryman, who'd have believed?
"Do you win if I say yes?" She crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes, causing a grin to spread across Elliot's face. Olivia felt butterflies suddenly start fluttering in her stomach.
"If I say yes, are you going to admit it?"
"Never."
"I thought so too."
For a moment they walked side by side in silence, and Olivia had to resist the sudden strong urge to take Elliot's hand in hers.
Get it together, Benson, he doesn't even know you.
But it was as if Elliot had heard her thoughts, for he stopped, and Olivia turned to look at him questioningly.
"What's wrong?" She frowned as he suddenly looked very uncertain. He was biting his lip, and had clenched his fists. With a closer look she could tell there was a startled expression on his face.
"Nothing, I just…" He looked up at her, and his eyes drilled into hers. The gaze was so intense that Olivia felt as if he was looking right into her soul. "Have we met before?"
Olivia's heart felt stopping, and the words got stuck in her throat. However, Elliot didn't look away, and suddenly his gaze's depth was too much for her. She lowered her gaze to her hands and muttered:
"Maybe I resemble some former friend of yours too."
"Yeah, maybe…" She could hear from Elliot's voice he was thinking hard, but then he started walking again, nudging her lightly with his shoulder as he passed her. "Come on, it's getting dark soon. You ready to go to sleep again, Liv?"
Liv.
