Oops, this chapter became a long one :D well...

The song: Miley Cyrus: When I Look At You

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And then she turned on her heels and started marching back to Hannah and her paintbrush. But when she had turned her back on Elliot, an inexplicable joy began to bubble up inside her, and she had to bite her lip to keep a wide grin from spreading across her face.

"Maybe I'll take you there instead."

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After Olivia had finished painting the fence, she had marched straight into the cold shower. The cold water caressed her burning skin, and she had to stand in the shower longer for the coolness to reach her system as well. Thanks to the coolness, her thoughts began to clear, and she started to wonder how the situation with Elliot and Hannah had caused her such an emotional reaction.

Elliot can spend time with whoever he wants.

The barbecue party was about to start, and she was trying to choose clothes. The task was not easy, because either her clothes were too casual or too formal, but in the end, she ended up with a casual, burgundy summer dress. Then she took one more look at herself in the mirror, decided she looked good enough, and grabbed her bag with her before opening the bedroom door.

However, the sight waiting outside the door made her stop in her tracks, and she felt tears welling up in her eyes. Elliot was standing in front of a small mirror and straightened the collars of his collared shirt.

A blue collared shirt.

Only the rolled-up sleeves are missing.

"I like that shirt," she smiled, and managed to keep emotion out of her voice. Elliot turned to look at her in surprise, looking unsure.

"Really? I'm not used to wearing clothes like this, it feels so… Official."

"Well, you can always roll up your sleeves."

Elliot raised his eyebrows in confusion. "Roll up? Who does that?"

"I once knew someone who did that," Olivia shrugged and walked next to Elliot. There was suddenly something new in his gaze, something deep, and it made her swallow.

"You look great."

"Thanks," she had to lower her gaze to the ground for a moment, because suddenly she felt like she was a high school student going to the first prom with her crush.

Except Elliot isn't my crush.

He's my best friend for Heaven's sake.

"You too."

They took a moment to look at their reflection in the mirror, which reflected a situation that Olivia had no longer believed possible. She and Elliot, side by side, both alive. The reflection reminded her of the good old times. It also reminded her of the times they had worked undercover together, but also the times she had left work for a date.

Most of the time she had been excited about the date. She liked meeting people, and although she didn't want to admit it, attention from men wasn't a bad thing from time to time. Dates were also a good way to get her mind away from work, and often the evening had ended at either her or her date's apartment.

Dating hadn't been a problem for her, but commitment was a different matter. She had no problem meeting people once or more and spending time with them, but then when things started to get more serious, she backed off. The problem wasn't that she didn't want to commit, it was that she didn't feel like she was able to.

Because the further the relationship developed, the louder the voice in the back of her head told her it didn't feel right. That something was missing.

And deep down, she knew that that voice got its strength by the feeling that involuntarily ignited inside her every time Elliot wished her a nice date night.

That her companion had never been Elliot.

But here he was standing now, his shirt-matching blue eyes twinkling, ready to take her to the farm barbecue.

And the familiar voice, which had told her something felt wrong, had entirely disappeared.

Because this isn't a date.

This is a farm barbecue party.

"So, James," she turned her gaze from the mirror, because she felt that otherwise she would be stuck looking at the reflection in the mirror for the whole evening. "You ready?"

"If you are," Elliot answered but then started to bite his lip hesitantly. Olivia frowned.

"What's wrong?"

"What? No, nothing's wrong. I just… Uh… This is stupid but…"

"Tell me," Olivia found her hand raising as if by itself, and taking his hand in hers.

Elliot had lowered his gaze to the floor, his voice quieting down to almost a whisper as he asked:

"Could you call me Elliot?"

The question was so surprising that Olivia's grip on his hand almost loosened, and her mouth dropped open. For a moment, she had to search for her words, but Elliot looked so embarrassed, so she forced herself to gather herself.

"Sure… But why?"

"I don't know… I just… My name really is Elliot, isn't it?"

Olivia swallowed but then nodded.

"Yeah."

"And I'm that lost friend of yours you have been talking about?"

Tears began to burn in the corners of Olivia's eyes, and she released her grip on his hand. She couldn't do this right now. If she told Elliot everything, the undercover operation would be compromised, and she couldn't take that risk.

Your last chance.

"Yes."

She heard herself answer from somewhere in the distance, and she had to swallow, as a sob began to burn in her throat.

"Please, Liv, tell me. Tell me who I am."

Despite her efforts, tears blurred her field of vision, and in a hoarse voice she whispered:

"I'm sorry El, I… I can't. Not yet."

And then she turned, and with the last of her strength she managed to hold back her sobs long enough to get out the door. It was getting dark outside, and there was a happy gabbling from the farm yard, but her heart felt as if someone was tearing it to pieces.

I'm sorry, El. I'm so sorry.

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It was incredible how the farm yard had been decorated so beautifully in such a short time. There were several groups of tables and chair in the yard, the grills were sheltered under the tent canopy, and the yard was illuminated by lanterns and various light sets. The adults were sitting at the tables happily talking, and the children were playing in the yard chasing each other. The delicious smell of grilled food was wafting around them, and behind the tables there was also a dance area with music playing from the speakers. The yard was both festive and atmospheric at the same time, and everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves.

Everyone except Olivia. She had sat at the nearest table to get to know people, even though she had to force food down her throat, and she would have preferred to curl up in a secluded and lonely corner. However, she had to do her job, that's what she was here for.

"So, Marie, have you liked to work here?" She asked the employee who had just introduced herself.

"Yes! I've always wanted to work at a farm, so this is practically my dream came true."

"Do you have a family or…"

"No, me and my husband divorced two years ago, and I moved here after that. You're James' cousin, I suppose?"

"Yeah, I've like it here too."

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Elliot appear at the party venue, and Hannah immediately glued to him. Olivia snorted and lifted another forkful of grilled vegetables to her mouth.

I don't care what he does, I have a job to do.

And to reinforce her words, she turned her attention back to the others sitting at the table, trying to forget Elliot and the blonde, beautiful woman who was coquetting in front of him.

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Darkness had already fallen, and Olivia was sitting at the table watching the people who still managed to continue celebrating. She had lost Elliot a while ago, and she didn't want to think about where he had gone.

He and Hannah…

Stop.

Stop it now.

You know this is for the best.

She yawned and was just about to get up to go to sleep when there was a voice from behind her:

"May I?"

She turned around to meet Elliot's smiling face. He had held out his hand to her, and she blinked in confusion.

"What do you…"

"Would you like to dance with me?"

If Olivia wasn't already astonished, she was now. The words got caught in her throat, and her eyes widened.

"Dance? With you?"

"Yeah, it's a tradition. Others are dancing too, see?" He nodded his head towards the dance floor and grinned. "C'mon, I won't bite."

"I'm not sure if I believe that," Olivia snorted, but an insidious warmth had started bubbling inside her. Elliot's eyes sparkled in the light of the lanterns and gave their blue color a golden hue. His gaze was deep, warm, and oh so familiar, and Olivia couldn't refuse.

"Fine," she said, stood up and shook her dress. "But just one dance, then I'll go to bed."

"Yes, sir," Elliot answered and held out his hand, which she grabbed with a sigh. Then they walked to the dance floor, Olivia lightly wrapped her arms around his shoulders, and Elliot placed his hands on her back. His hands sent electric shocks running down her spine, and she couldn't look him in the eyes. Instead, she turned to look at the other dancers and pursed her lips.

"I wonder if this is appropriate for cousins?"

"What? Dancing?"

But then the song changed, and the stereo started playing Miley Cyrus' "When I Look At You." Elliot started swaying her with him slowly, and Olivia tried to focus only on the music, because the situation felt so strange.

As if you have never wanted this.

But when the lyrics of the song started, she felt a lump rise in her throat.

~Everybody needs inspiration

Everybody needs a song

A beautiful melody

When the night's so long~

Her grip around Elliot's shoulders began to tighten without noticing, and she had to take a deep breath. Suddenly the thought that her former partner was alive made her heart squeeze in her chest and her hands shake.

~Yeah, when my world is falling apart

When there's no light to break up the dark

That's when I, I

I look at you~

When Elliot had been her partner, she had learned to taken his caring, taken him for granted. He had always been there when she had needed him. He had been her anchor, the only one she could trust unconditionally.

The most important person in her life.

But she had only realized that after she had lost him. She had sunk into darkness, for the only source of light, the only thing that had prevented her from sinking before, had gone out. All that had been left had been bottomless darkness.

And the mere thought that she had gotten him back made her lower her head on his shoulder.

~When the waves

Are flooding the shore and I can't

Find my way home anymore

That's when I, I

I look at you~

Elliot took a deep breath and closed his eyes. The warmth of Olivia's body made peace descent in his body again, and the feeling was so new, so longed for, that it made him want to never let go of her. He still didn't remember his name or know who he was, but Olivia's gaze made him feel safe for the first time in two years.

~When I look at you, I see forgiveness

I see the truth

You love me for who I am

Like the stars hold the moon

Right there where they belong

And I know I'm not alone~

He lowered his head so he could smell the familiar scent of Olivia's hair, the same one that had brought back his first memory, and if there hadn't been other people around them, he would have wrapped his arms around her tightly and pulled her against him.

~Yeah, when my world is falling apart

When there's no light to break up the dark

That's when I, I

I look at you

When the waves

Are flooding the shore and I can't

Find my way home anymore

That's when I, I

I look at you~

And when Olivia felt Elliot's breath in her hair, tears began to roll down her cheeks, and she could no longer hold back the words that began to flow from her mouth. They were quiet, whispers, only Elliot could hear them, but nothing else mattered.

"Your name is Elliot Stabler, you live in New York, you were my partner in the Special Victims Unit."

She could feel Elliot tense, but he didn't raise his head. Instead, he tightened his grip on her.

~You appear just like a dream to me

Just like Kaleidoscope colors that

Cover me, all I need

Every breath that I breathe

Don't you know you're beautiful?~

"You have five kids, they are the most important thing in your whole world."

She felt his tears start to fall on her shoulder, and instinctively she began to stroke his back lightly. She didn't expect Elliot to say anything, but then a muffled voice came out:

"How about you?"

"I… I… We used to be best friends."

~Yeah, yeah, yeah,

When the waves

Are flooding the shore and I can't

Find my way home anymore

That's when I, I

I look at you~

And Elliot wasn't sure if it was the music, if it was Olivia's warm body against his, or if it was her tearful voice, but it hit him again.

A new memory.

Olivia on the ground.

A knife cut.

Pure horror.

"Oh my God. No!"

"It's okay, it's okay, I'm okay. Where's Gitano? Go, Elliot. Go, I'm fine. Go. Go!"

He opened his eyes, and looked at his former partner, who was still keeping her eyes closed. The horror he had experienced had been so intense that it was clear she hadn't been just his colleague.

Love.

I remember loving her.

My Liv.

And realizing this, he felt as if the emotional storm raging inside his heart would soon make it explode.

~You appear just like a dream to me.~

The song ended, the reluctantly detached from each other, and for a few seconds they just looked deep into each other's eyes, as if reading each other.

Because they were able to.

They had always been.

"I remember..." Elliot started with a stifled voice, but then the magic broke, because a woman's panicked scream filled the whole party venue:

"HELP! Please help me! My son's missing!"