Chapter 3: Dawning

He smells good.

Grimmjow always did smell good. He washes himself every day. Master...Nnoitra said that we shouldn't cover up our natural scent, that it was more prideful to be ourselves and be proud, but the truth is that we smelled bad. Sometimes I felt sick because of how bad we smelled, but he was master and I was...

I was nothing to him.

Tesla couldn't muster any more tears to cry over the hard fact, so he burrowed deeper into Grimmjow's shoulder and breathed in the sexta Espada's attractive, clean masculine scent.

I must smell horrible.

He studied Grimmjow for a moment, then moved experimentally, smiling as he discovered that his lover hadn't changed in how deeply he slept.

I always told him someone would probably kill him in his sleep, he slept so deeply. He said that's why he needed me...to guard him. I told him I'd rather kill him myself and he laughed really hard.

I've almost forgotten what it feels like to laugh.

He worked his way free of Grimmjow and escaped the bed, slipping past Nel and her fraccìon, then into the bathroom, where he turned on the hot water, marveling at seeing water up close like that again, then sighing contentedly as he disrobed and climbed in under the hot spray. He picked up the musky smelling soap and scrubbed himself all over, making his skin red with the effort, but needing to feel the past stripped away from where it had tarnished and sullied him. When he was clean, he remained under the hot fall of water, closing his eyes and breathing in the wet steam.

He never heard the approaching footsteps, nor saw Grimmjow peek around the curtain, before stepping in behind him and startling him as he wrapped his arms around the flustered Arrancar and kissed him on the back of the neck.

"Oh man, you've really done it," the sexta Espada sighed sleepily.

"What? What are you talking about?" Tesla snapped, "I just woke up and wanted a shower! What's wrong with that?"

"What's wrong with that?" Grimmjow drawled lazily, reaching down to tease his former subordinate's waking privates, "What's wrong with it is that when my little warthog cleans up, he looks and smells too damned sexy for his own good. Do you really think you can tease me like that and not get the daylights fucked outta you?"

"Stop it! I wasn't trying to seduce you, you fool! I was just bathing!"

Grimmjow laughed softly into his shoulder, rubbing warmly against him.

"You never did have to try very hard to arouse me," he mused, "Truth is, you didn't have to try at all. And you still don't."

Tesla tried to maintain his scowl, but couldn't hold back the small, pleased smile that rose on his lips as Grimmjow turned him and sank indulgently into his mouth, caressing his privates as they kissed.

"Mmmmmmmmm, you taste real good too," the sexta Espada sighed, nipping at his lips and rubbing his hands over the Arrancar's round bottom, "I think I might just forget making love to you and just devour you right here."

Still smiling, Tesla broke away from his mouth and trailed a line of kisses down his collarbone, then stunned his former flame by sliding down his wet torso, yielding more biting kisses, then kneeling in front of him and attending dutifully to Grimmjow's swollen member. He made a sound of deep contentment as Grimmjow's rough fingers threaded into his hair, encouraging him in his movements, then holding him in place as the sexta Espada growled and climaxed.

He tastes good too.

I missed you so much, Grimmjow.

Even though I hated you for not saving me, I still missed you.

But it wasn't fair for me to hate you. After all, how could I fault you for being weaker than Nnoitra when I was even weaker than that? I'll make up for it now. I'll grow strong again and I'll...

Tesla paused, a shiver going through him as he encountered a harsh, painful flashback.

"I knew you were up to some bullshit, you little, stinking pig!" Nnoitra raged, drawing back and striking him forcefully, so that he tumbled backwards and crashed through the rock behind him, "You think fucking around with your body like that? Tricking me? You think that's going to make me feel anything for you? Well, let me tell you, it's not! And I'm not letting this happen. I'll knock the brat out of you! And I'll kill you if you ever pull shit like this again! You hear me, Tesla?"

"M-master Nnoitra, s-stop! Stop, please! I'm...I'm sorry! I promise it will never happen again! Master Nnoitra, stop! Please stop!"

"This is it. I'm putting an end to it."

"NO, PLEASE, DON'T!"

"Master Nnoitra," said a calm, unaffected voice from outside the bedroom door, "You must come. The ryoka are coming."

Nnoitra shoved him back against the wall, glaring down into his eyes hatefully.

"After this is over, if you really are knocked up, we're getting rid of it, you hear me?"

"Y-yes," Tesla whispered, sagging against the wall, "Of...of course. I'm very, very sorry for doing that, Master Nnoitra. Please...please forgive me."

"Come on," the Espada snapped, "Let's go."

"Hey, you all right?" Grimmjow purred in his ear, "You stopped moving for a minute. It felt like you even stopped breathing."

Tesla's hand slid down to touch his abdomen questioningly.

I wonder if it worked before.

I wonder if it didn't and when Grimmjow and I...

"Hey, you listening?"

"Y-yes, sorry," Tesla mumbled, picking up the soap and rubbing it into Grimmjow's soft flesh.

I have been sick and dizzy since I woke, but that could as well be the injury. I suppose there's no knowing for a little while. And I'm not sure I want to know. Nnoitra was furious when he learned that I had altered myself so that I could carry his child. Grimmjow is different, but he might not understand.

No, he probably would think I was being desperate and pathetic, trying to trap him or something. That's what Nnoitra thought.

It's better to be quiet about it and wear a protection charm when we have sex. Yes, that's what I'll do.

But what if...?

He sucked in a surprised breath as Grimmjow suddenly swept him off his feet and carried him, soaking wet, out of the shower and back to the bedroom, throwing him roughly down on the bed and climbing on top of him.

"Wh-what are you doing?" Tesla managed breathlessly, "We didn't even...!"

His words were stopped by a savage kiss that left him unable to speak, even after it ended. Grimmjow's hands held him tightly and his movements were insistent, but rather than feeling like he was being forceful, they felt passionate, something Tesla couldn't ever remember feeling when Nnoitra would take him.

The truth is, I always understood on some level that Nnoitra enjoyed being cruel, and that even though technically what we were doing was something loving, there was never any love in what he did to me. And he didn't only abuse me, himself, he let Ulquiorra play with me and Szayel Aporro use me for his experiments. I knew what was happening, but I didn't want to. I think that's why I became so desperate to make Nnoitra feel something. I thought that if he couldn't feel something for me, he would definitely love his own child. But he was too selfish to even do that much.

I wonder how Grimmjow would feel. I wasn't trying to be impregnated by him. I was recovering and wasn't thinking clearly at all. But I am thinking clearly now. I should...I should stop him.

But there was no stopping that hungry mouth that seemed to devour every inch of him, or the strong hands that wanted to touch him all over. There was no stopping Grimmjow at all as he prepared Tesla's writhing body and entered him, then made everything around them disappear into a flurry of powerful thrusts and mindless undulations. Tesla felt warmed to the core, finally brought fully back to life as Grimmjow stiffened on top of him and looked into his weary eyes as he released. The wonderful heat lulled Tesla back into senselessness.

But as soon as Grimmjow slept deeply enough, he crept from the bed and found the protection charm Nnoitra had forced him to wear after his deception.

I wonder if it's too late anyway. I wouldn't mind if it was Grimmjow's baby, but if it was 'his' I don't know what I would do. And what would Grimmjow think, either way. Ah...

He sat down on the walkway outside the bedroom door, looking into the endless night.

The one thing I did like about Aizen's time here was that the sun lit up this place sometimes. There was a 'day' and a 'night' like in Soul Society and the living world.

I want to go there...anywhere that's not here, really.

I want to go now.

He looked back over his shoulder at the dark, quiet house and felt his decision being made.

I don't think I could bear letting myself fall all of the way in love with Grimmjow again, only to lose him if I am carrying Nnoitra's baby. And I wouldn't know how to tell him even if the baby might be his. I'll just go away somewhere and wait until I know one way or the other and decide what to do then. I just need a quiet place where no one knows who I am.

He stood and looked back at the house one more time, then walked back and left a note by Grimmjow's bed.

Grimmjow, thank you for saving my life and seeing to my healing. It was good being close to you again. I haven't gone on some pathetic search for Nnoitra. I know he is dead. I just need to work things out for myself. Please thank Nel and the others too. I would have died without all of your help and I am glad now to still be alive. I will come back to you if I can. Tesla

He walked back out into the darkness and moved away from the house before opening a garganta. Listening silently to the echoing tapping his feet made on the pathway, he headed for the living world and the one person there who might be willing to help him. He only hadn't anticipated how quickly he would tire, and as he moved forward, he grew swiftly more weary and dizzy. He was unsure whether he reached the exit he meant to, and he fell out of the garganta and down onto a rough, sandy surface, collapsing instantly as he touched down. He heard the sound of surprised voices, then heard footsteps and felt himself being turned over. He forced out the name of the person he was looking for, then fell again into blackness.

"K-Kisuke Urahara!"

The shopkeeper stared in surprise at the Arrancar's words, then studied him quietly for a moment before nodding briefly.

"You found me," he said solemnly, "Now, what to do with you."

"Boss, is that...an Espada?"

"I'm not sure," Kisuke admitted, "His spirit centers are well developed, but his body's thrashed. I wonder why he came to me."

"What should we do with him?" Tessai asked, frowning.

"Well, we'll take his sword for now and I think restraints are in order until we know he's not intending harm. I don't think he is, but it's best to be careful. Hey, is Orihime still upstairs?"

"Yes."

"Let's have her give him some attention, okay?"

Tesla felt his body being gently lifted and carried upward. Then, he was laid in a soft, sinfully comfortable bed and healing laid over him that took all of the residual pain out of his strained form and let him sleeping comfortably. He registered the soft restraints they placed on him, but felt no fear or concern.

Of course they would restrain me. We are usually enemies. I understand.

He sank more deeply into sleep, only coming partially awake as Kisuke Urahara returned to examine him again. He felt the man's hands touch him all over, searching for any unaddressed injuries, then pausing over his abdomen.

"Hmmm, interesting," the shopkeeper commented.

Tesla opened his eyes and looked up at Kisuke.

"Ah, you're awake," the shopkeeper noted, "You...said when you arrived you were looking for me?"

"Yes," Tesla confessed, "I thought that you might not instantly attack me, so I asked for you."

"Are you an Espada?" Kisuke asked.

"No, but I am training to be one," Tesla admitted, "Now that most of the other Espadas have died, I am expected to advance."

"Right. Okay, but why did you come here? Why were you looking for me?"

"I just wanted to get out of Hueco Mundo," Tesla explained, "and I also needed to know something."

He looked down at where Kisuke's hand still rested on his abdomen.

"Am I...?"

"Yeah."

"I see," Tesla whispered, "And is there any way to tell who is the father?"

Kisuke thought for a moment.

"There is, once the child's reiatsu becomes sentient, but until then, no."

"Oh."

Kisuke gave him a more friendly smile and released his restraints.

"Would you like to stay here and work for me until I can give you an answer to your question? You can have this room and I'll pay you some to get you started."

"Yes. That sounds more than fair, considering you've already helped me. Just...I don't want any hollows to be told I'm here. Not yet, anyway."

Kisuke gave him a concerned look.

"Ah, I have to ask. There's no chance this is Aizen's, is there? Aizen's? Gin's? Tousen's?"

"No. None of them touched me," Tesla replied, shaking his head, "Both of the ones I was with were Espadas...and one is dead. The other probably wouldn't want the child of the dead one, so..."

"So, we'll hope this turns out to be the living one's kid, ne?"

"Yes."

"Okay, so why don't you just get some more rest? When you're feeling up to it, Tessai will show you what you can do to help out around the shop."

I am well used to cooking and cleaning, and I'm used to sparring regularly. I would not like to be seen too much if that is all right."

"All right. That sounds fine for later, but you look like you've had some hard fights. Hope you didn't kill anyone I know."

"I didn't kill anyone. I never have, except before I became an Arrancar," Tesla confessed, "As much as I enjoy sparring, I don't want to kill anyone. That's another reason I came here. Hueco Mundo is falling into chaos."

"Yeah," Kisuke sighed, "It's gonna be nasty there for a while, while things get back under some kind of control. It's better that you're here, especially since you're carrying a child."

"I suppose I should admit that I did attack Ichigo Kurosaki on my master's order, but I did not kill him."

"It looks like you took in more than you dished out," Kisuke commented.

"That was courtesy of Kenpachi Zaraki."

"I see. And are you carrying a grudge for him slaughtering your master? You are talking about Nnoitra Gilga, ne?"

"Y-yes, I was referring to Nnoitra. But, no, I do not hold a grudge against Kenpachi Zaraki. They chose to fight. My master was beaten fairly. And I have no grudge against Ichigo Kurosaki. He is, after all, responsible for casting Aizen down, which I think we can agree was in everyone's best interests."

"Yeah, we can agree on that," Kisuke said, smiling good-naturedly, "Now, you should lie down. I'll have Tessai bring you something to eat in a while."

"But I feel better already. Shouldn't I...?"

"Nah, get some more rest," Kisuke chuckled, rising and turning towards the door, "I promise you, we'll keep you busy later. If you don't mind, I'd like to study the method used to make you able to get pregnant. I have a few friends who might like to know how that works."

"Ah, of course. I will tell you whatever you want to know."

"All right. Just let Tessai know if you need anything."

"I will. Thank you."

Kisuke paused outside the door, glancing back at the young man and sighing sympathetically.

"Poor kid. Aizen really screwed everyone over, hollows and shinigamis alike."