Author's Note: I've decided to go on a hiatus for Lent. I might update every now and again, but it won't be as consistent as before. Thanks for all your support!
In no time at all, Sir Pentious was back in the courtyard of his manor. The Egg Bois hopped off his tail and ran for the door while their boss lingered behind.
Sir Pentious had barely noticed time pass by. His memories and all his old emotions had occupied him so much that he barely noticed when they finally made it home.
"Hurry up, boss!" Thrys yelled snapping the snake demon back to reality. "Delilah could be in trouble."
"Why should I care," Sir Pentious retorted irritably.
"Boss, if Delilah's hurt, Satan will have our hides," Austen protested. "Well, he'll have your hide. He'll probably eat us alive! Please, boss! I don't want to be the Devil's breakfast!"
"Point taken," Sir Pentious conceded as he slithered to the front door, unlocked the entrance, and slithered inside.
The scene inside was total chaos. Egg Bois were looking literally tearing the house apart looking for Delilah. Furniture was toppled. There were holes in the floor. There were even Egg Bois crawling around the vents calling out Delilah's name. Poor Toulouse was in the middle of it pacing back and forth in a nervous frenzy trying to calm himself down.
Sir Pentious slammed the door behind him furiously and yelled, "Toulouse! What is going on here?!"
"What will I do? Why can't I calm down? Where could she be? They're not listening to me," Toulouse mumbled to himself seemingly not noticing his boss's presence. "What do I do?"
Sir Pentious realized what was happening and slithered over to his chief minion.
"Toulouse," Sir Pentious said more gently as he lowered himself to the floor so that he was closer to Toulouse's eye level. "5 things you can see. Remember? 5 things you can see."
"But boss, Delilah's missing and the clones are destroying everything and they won't listen to me," Toulouse said very anxiously rubbing his temples. "I can't think now! We have to…"
"Toulouse!" Sir Pentious interrupted authoritatively. "5 things you can see! Right now!"
"Okay," Toulouse reluctantly obeyed. "Uh, you, Thrys, Austen, my hands, the floor…"
"4 things you can touch."
"Uh, my shell, my clothes, my shoes, uh, um, uh…"
Sir Pentious leaned down and put his hand on the back of Toulouse's head to help him concentrate.
"Your hand on my head," Toulouse said.
"Good," Sir Pentious said taking his hand off his assistant's head and returning to his former posture. "Now, 3 things you can hear."
"Uh, my hands on my face. Your voice. My voice."
"2 things you can smell?"
"My cologne. Your cologne."
"1 thing you can taste?"
"My coffee."
"Good, now, take some deep breaths," Sir Pentious said.
Toulouse took those deep breaths and felt himself calming down.
"Are you better now?" Sir Pentious asked. "Can you talk?"
"Yes, Patron," Toulouse replied. "I'm so sorry. Delilah went missing, so I told everyone to spread out and look for her. I went outside to check the garden, but when I came back, the Egg Bois were tearing apart everything. I keep yelling at them to stop, but they won't listen to me. Things can't get any worse…"
"Hey, guys!" an Egg Boi said as he ran into the hall with a pipe from Sir Pentious' organ. "I've just started dismantling the organ. We'll find Delilah in no time!"
Sir Pentious' eyes started twitching as the Egg Boi finally noticed his boss, hid the pipe behind his back, and said nervously, "Oh. Hey, boss. How was the hotel?"
He pulled out his marker, he changed the number on Toulouse's back, and then he yelled, "That does it! All of you are going to clean this place up right now! Toulouse, number 666, is in charge! If you don't listen to him, none of you will get dessert for a month! You got that?!"
"Yes, boss!" all the Egg Bois except Toulouse said before scrambling to clean everything up.
"How was the hotel, boss?" Toulouse asked curiously.
"Exhausting," Sir Pentious replied. "We managed to capture some photographs of necessary documentation, but they made fun of me and made me talk about my past. I spoke about you, too. So, for that reason, and because Thrys won't stop whining, you will be coming back with me in his place."
"Oh, boy!" Toulouse said cheerfully. "But who will be in charge when I'm gone?"
"Thrys," Sir Pentious replied.
"Awww!" Thrys complained while sweeping up the floor. "I hate being in charge."
"Then, stop your whining!" Sir Pentious retorted to him before turning back to Toulouse. "Anyway, have any of you found Delilah?"
"No," Toulouse said sadly. "And we've been looking everywhere. She's a slippery little devil."
Sir Pentious sighed and asked, "Where did you last see her?"
"In the dining hall, I think," Toulouse replied.
"Alright," Sir Pentious said slithering away. "Pack what you need and go help out the others. Oh, please make sure the organ still functions."
"Oui, patron," Toulouse said happily running off to pack his things.
Sir Pentious kept slithering until he reached the dining hall where he had encountered Satan that morning.
The room was completely silent. That day couldn't get any worse.
Sir Pentiuos sighed, sat back against the table, and said quietly, "Oh, Delilah, where could you be?"
"Are they gone?" an irritated female voice answered back.
"Delilah?" Sir Pentious exclaimed in surprise while searching for the source of the voice. "Where are you?"
"Up here," Delilah replied.
Sir Pentious looked up to see Delilah sitting on the edge of the chandelier holding a book. She smiled at his confused expression.
"What the hell are you doing up there?!" Sir Pentious snapped.
"Hiding from your minions," Delilah replied unphased by his anger. "Your Egg Bois are sweet and helpful creatures who have a decent taste in clothing, but they're annoying. They have been watching and following me everywhere all day. I couldn't take it. I had to take a break. Besides, I found this book on a shelf and couldn't resist taking a peak."
"What book might that be?" Sir Pentious asked before Delilah tossed him the book and allowed him to read the title.
It was the Bible.
Sir Pentious looked back up at Delilah in surprise and asked, "You read the Bible? Why? Didn't you live it?"
"You're full of questions today," Delilah remarked. "If you must know, I only lived part of the Bible. I have always wanted to know how the rest of it went. I have only read bits and pieces. You have no idea how hard this book is to find in hell."
"But why would you want to read the Bible?" Sir Pentious asked.
"Sir Pentious, if part of your story was recorded in one of the most sacred texts in human history, wouldn't you want to read it?" Delilah replied.
"Point taken," Sir Pentious said. "But you need to get down immediately. And trust me. My minions are not the kind of creatures you want to be left to their own devices. Case in point, my home is now a mess!"
Delilah looked over the edge of the chandelier nervously, so Sir Pentious asked, "Can you get down without assistance?"
"I can, but I am still a little afraid of heights," Delilah confessed.
"What?" Sir Pentious asked incredulously. "You're a soiled dove demon and a harpy! You can fly! You shouldn't be afraid of heights."
"I'm not when I can fly," Delilah retorted. "You don't want to know how much I had to flap just to get up here in this tent you're making me wear."
"Well, if you can flap up, you can flap down," Sir Pentious retorted in annoyance. "Get down here at once!"
"Yes, your majesty," Delilah said sarcastically pulling on the blouse she was wearing before, opening her wings, and hoping off the chandelier.
Unfortunately, the blouse got caught on the top of one of her wings and Delilah came falling down.
"Ahhh!" Delilah screamed as she fell on top of Sir Pentious.
When Delilah opened her eyes, she realized that she was crushing the snake demon under the weight of her dress.
"I am so sorry," Delilah said pulling off her blouse and scrambling to get off Sir Pentious as quickly as she could. "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine," Sir Pentious said standing up and rubbing the back of his neck before he looked at Delilah. "How about…?"
Delilah was absolutely stunning in her black Victorian dress even without the blouse on. He was speechless and found that he had nothing to say as he gazed upon her.
"Uh, Sir Pentious?" Delilah asked playfully.
"You are…" Sir Pentious began to say before he heard Toulouse's voice.
"Hey, boss!" Toulouse interrupted. "Are you okay? Oh, am I interrupting something?"
Sir Pentious snapped back to reality and said sarcastically, "I'm fine, Toulouse. This cow just almost crushed me. That's all."
"Sir Pentious, is that any way to talk to a lady?" Delilah retorted.
"Hey, guys!" another Egg Boi yelled from the doorway. "We found Delilah!"
The dining hall started trembling as all the Egg Bois pushed their way into the dining hall and all started chattering at once.
Delilah rubbed her temples and said, "And I thought the Magne family was difficult. This is ridiculous! "Your minions dressed me like a doll and have been following me everywhere. It's been getting on my nerves, and I'm not putting up with it unless you pay me in advance."
"Well, excuse me, Ms. Dignified. All I can say, dear, is that you will get used to their presence," Sir Pentious said with a sigh before he finally realized that Delilah was not wearing her blouse. "And another thing, put that blouse back on immediately! Have you no sense of modesty?!"
"Modesty? Modesty?!" Delilah retorted as Toulouse climbed onto the table to button up the top and bottom. "I have never worn this much clothing in my life! I am wearing enough skirts to make a rich man's tent! How am I being immodest?"
"Wait a second," Sir Pentious said realizing where the dress was from. "That dress is from my private quarters. Who gave you that dress?"
"We did!" Toulouse said merrily. "How do you like it?"
"It looks…" Sir Pentious began to say.
"Stylish?" Toulouse interrupted.
"Beautiful?" another Egg Boi interrupted.
"Flattering in every way?" another Egg Boi interrupted.
"I was going to say it looks fine, but I must ask you to ask next time you want to give Delilah an outfit from my personal collection," Sir Pentious replied in annoyance. "Besides, this one is too…revealing."
Delilah looked at her long sleeves and high Victorian collar incredulously and replied, "Revealing? Are you kidding me right now? I don't think I could be more covered if I tried. What could women of your day accomplish in an outfit like this anyway? I've hardly been able to do anything since you left."
"Many things, making visits to friends, hosting parties, bearing and rearing children, and managing the household…"
"Huh. It sounds like very little has changed in 3,000 years. Women had restricted roles in Philistine culture, too. You can't imagine how hard I had to work to move up in the world."
"You can't fool me. I've read the Bible. You were a prostitute."
"And I ran quite the successful business."
"I'm sure," Sir Pentious retorted walking up to her so that their faces were almost touching. "Admit it. You're just a whore who leeches money away from others by selling her body. Speaking of which, would you be open for a date after dinner, love?"
"How sweet," Delilah replied sarcastically. "I would be glad to share dinner with you, but I will attend only on the condition that you allow me to alter these clothes. I'm sick of all the skirts!"
"Fine," Sir Pentious replied as he started slithering away. "I have to print out some photos for your 'pimp' anyway."
Delilah paused for a moment before she added, "You know. You don't have to pretend to be so cruel. I know it's all an act. Trust me. I've been around men for over 3,000 years. I can tell when they're putting on airs."
Delilah turned around and left the room as Sir Pentious stared after her. Her words had touched his core, and he didn't know how to take it.
Eventually, Sir Pentious just slithered away to get to work printing his photos out.
