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Batman 1939: Three's Company

Chapter 13: Harm and Healing

When the giant bat disappeared, Batman stood another moment then fell to his knees. His chest shook so rapidly that he couldn't finish a breath. He began to pitch forward as he gulped for air, almost hitting the floor. He pushed back to his knees as the spasms relaxed. He took shallow breaths that wheezed through his teeth. When his arms stopped trembling, he held his face in his hands.

Zatanna was near and took an uneasy step closer. She had never cared for someone ill. What was the right bedside manner for a violent mute calculator suffering a fit? Batman's head was bent in some hidden agony, and his upper back was so tense that she could see ridges of muscle pressing through his cape.

She leaned over and asked, "Hey, what's the matter?"

Batman didn't answer. Zatanna reached out to get his attention. No sooner had her fingers brushed his shoulder than he flinched and drove his elbow backward. It caught Zatanna under her ribs and she fell to the floor, clutching her side. Zatanna scrunched her face and began to whimper.

Batman stumbled away on all fours until the floorboards curled into cuffs that snared his arms. The cuffs shot up on two wooden stalks, lifting him ten feet in the air. Batman hung limply by his wrists, incoherent and struggling to breath.

Catwoman was further away when Batman's episode began. She had been busy watching the sky for other magical beasts and didn't realize Batman was struggling until Zatanna spoke. Catwoman rushed to help and saw Batman flinch. She watched Zatanna crying on the ground as Batman was pulled into the air.

Catwoman shouted at Shadowcrest, "Don't hurt him, he didn't-"

Shadowcrest interrupted, as calm as usual, "I won't hurt him, hysterical sniveler. The boy meant no harm. I'm not a mindless hound."

"Then do you mind putting him down?" asked Catwoman.

"When his impairment passes."

Catwoman decided this was the best she could hope for. She knelt and tried to comfort Zatanna. "Aw, you'll be all right. It was just a little tap."

Zatanna blinked away hot tears. "That really hurt," she sniffed. "I thought, I thought being thrown around in the hall hurt, and, and Abdiel hitting my ear, I thought that hurt."

Catwoman, patted her hair. "It's okay."

"And when when you shoved me into a wall at the casino, I thought that hurt. But that really hurt."

"Yeah. Sorry," said Catwoman, "C'mon. Up and at 'em." Catwoman gently pulled Zatanna to her feet. "No laying around when the next flying monster shows up."

"Why do people hit each other? Does it feel this bad every time?"

"You get used to it."

Zatannna picked up her tophat. "I don't want to get used to it."

"Here's to hoping."

Catwoman plucked the handkerchief out of Zatanna's tuxedo pocket and dabbed at her cheek. Zatanna nodded thanks and took the handkerchief to dry her eyes. Catwoman noticed that the end of the fabric was tied to another handkerchief in the tuxedo. She pulled it out, finding another at the end. Catwoman continued to pull in rising disbelief until she was seven handkerchiefs deep, looking at a pile of fabric in her hands with no end in sight.

When Zatanna's eyes were dry, she tugged on her cufflink and the chain of handkerchiefs quickly spooled back into her tuxedo. Catwoman looked at her. Zatanna only winked.

Soon Shadowcrest lowered Batman and released him. His posture and breathing were entirely normal, with no hint that he had nearly fainted a minute ago. Catwoman and Zatanna were there to greet him.

"She's fine," said Catwoman, knowing his first question.

Batman made a fractional nod, unable to look at either of them.

"Sorry," he said.

By now, Zatanna was mostly annoyed that he wouldn't look her in the eye.

"It still hurts," she said grumpily

Batman had just been headbutted by a bat the size of a hill, he was recently bludgeoned by a dozen chair legs, and in the past week he had endured three fist fights and a dog bite. He acknowledged her pain with another nod. "Sorry."

"What happened to you?" asked Zatanna.

"Nothing."

Catwoman gave him a look, but he refused to elaborate.

"Hey," moaned Abdiel from across the study, "Help?"

Batman raced over and inspected him. Most of the furniture nearby had been crushed by bat wings, but Abdiel and the big plant were untouched. Abidel was very pale, and his eyes were unfocused. Batman checked the plant's pitcher and found it had collected a frightening half-pint more blood than intended. He was astonished that Abdiel was awake. Batman ripped off the plant's sucking barbs and bandaged Abdiel's arm. The bag of volume expander was empty, so Batman removed its needle. He slowly fed Abdiel a cup of water.

Perhaps the volume expander had done its job. Perhaps Abdiel's enormous mass made him even more rugged than anticipated. Perhaps it was a medical miracle. But Batman wondered, not for the first time, just how tough they built a mage. He was weak, but he would pull through.

Zatanna sat nearby, watching his recovery and lending a hand when she could.

Catwoman couldn't have cared less. She wandered around Sarkoth's nurse, its petals now a tender pink. Zachary's body floated inside, and a steady boil of bubbles disturbed the goo around his wound.

"Hey, Shady," Catwoman muttered to Shadowcrest, "What happens now that the boogeyman's gone?" She glanced at Zatanna. "With her dad, you know," Catwoman ran her thumb across her throat. "How do we break the news?"

Shadowcrest shook its head. "The caretaker Giovanni lives."

"So Faust was bluffing."

"No. Faust lives as well."

Catwoman's jaw dropped. "Faust is alive?"

Batman and Zatanna turned.

Zatanna cried, "He just had a plane crash without the plane!"

"He has not crashed," said Shadowcrest

"Don't tell me he's flying again." Zatanna jumped to her feet, searching the horizon. "Is he coming this way?"

"No," said Shadowcrest. "Well, yes. But not as you fear."

Catwoman palmed the handle of her whip. Zatanna looked around for her battle axe.

"Rest," implored Shadowcrest. "The heave of Barbatos was far too mighty for Lord Faust to glide away. He has already passed one edge of the Emergent Sea, but the sea has no end, so he now arrives from the other direction."

A tiny blur passed overhead like a comet. They heard the faint peep of a scream far above them.

Shadowcrest watched the blur pass. "The loop will continue so long as he flies, but Faust will shortly reach his apogee. Then he will descend and crash."

"So then he dies?" asked Catwoman.

"No," said Shadowcrest.

Batman laid Abdiel on the floor and stood. "He'll hit the surface like a rocket. If he's that resilient, how has anything injured him?"

"He is not as strong as you imagine. Remember, he will land in water."

"I know," said Batman.

"Water is not solid," explained Shadowcrest.

"It will be like pavement at that speed. The surface tension-" Batman paused to calculate.

"What is surface tension?" asked Shadowcrest.

Batman hesitated and frowned. He paced to the edge of the study and stuck his hand in the surf. Then he found a fallen marble bust, lifted it above his head, and heaved it down into the water. The bulky sculpture barely caused a splash, sinking at the speed of his toss until it gently decelerated. The water was not behaving like regular water.

Batman vibrated with annoyance. "Nevermind."

"It seems Barbatos was merciful," said Shadowcrest, "Or he wished us the honor of coup de grĂ¢ce. Beings of his majesty are inscrutable."

"What happens when Faust lands?" asked Catwoman. "Can he swim in that getup?"

"I suspect he will travel to the nearest island and design a new plan of attack," said Shadowcrest. "As I have said, the Emergent Sea is home to many threats. These will tire and delay him. Meanwhile, I am hurrying to bring my guardians in from the halls. Take heart that the strategic balance has shifted. Faust can no longer wait in safety."

"You mean you won't have to die?" asked Zatanna.

"No, Faust's subversion continues. I still cannot risk its success, but he cannot avoid me in the meantime."

"So your little pets will finish him off," said Catwoman.

"We shall see. Many defenders were crushed by Barbatos. Others will sink in open water. And the rest must fight through the same threats as Faust to reach him."

"You can't get the chess pieces to leave your toys alone?"

"Crudely put, but no, I cannot"

"I hate this place," said Catwoman, "No offense," she added to Zatanna.

"None taken," said Zatanna. "So what now?"

"Our final preparations are still reconnaissance and armament," said Shadowcrest. "The first is unchanged. The second I must reconsider."

Most of the armory had been wrecked or launched into the sea, so this seemed like quite an understatement.

"Reconnaissance, right," said Zatanna, "How long until the plant is finished?"

"I believe the time is ripe," said Shadowcrest. "Little mystic essence remains in the blood. The healing has nearly stopped."

Batman peered over the opening of the plant. He struggled to see the wound through the streams of bubbles. "Tell me more about this sap. If he has an open wound, why isn't he bleeding now?"

"The sap staunches blood flow until it dries."

"How long will his sedation last?"

"Once Zachary Cehennem is free of the plant, he will wake within five minutes. But he will not feel pain for hours."

"Will he feel anything? Will he be numb?"

"Sensations will quickly return, all except pain."

"Hmm." Batman looked at Catwoman. Are you willing to help?

Catwoman crossed her arms. You're kidding.

Fine. Then stay out of the way.

Ignoring her spiteful response, Batman looked aside at Zatanna. "Zatanna, when he wakes, keep him calm."

She nodded, clearly uncomfortable with the responsibility. "I can try, I guess."

"Talk to him. Tell him what he wants to hear. If he becomes upset, he may move and hurt himself. Avoid drawing attention to me or the surgery."

"You're hard to ignore."

"Are you ready?"

"Yes?"

Batman did a final check of the makeshift surgical suite which the house had constructed next to Sarkoth's nurse. He removed his armored leather gloves and slipped on a sterilized cotton pair.

"Shadowcrest, when I bring Zachary to the table, can you bind him?"

"If you wish."

"Leave me access to his midsection with a ten inch radius around the center of the wound, let him move his head, hands, and feet, and restrict his circulation as little as possible. Otherwise, keep him still. Also, give him a blanket or some warm covering and block the wind."

"It will be done."

Batman pulled down one of the pink petals and leaned into the mouth of the plant. He lifted Zachary out, soaking his arms and chest in sap, and laid him on the operating table, a dinner table covered in parchment paper. Zatanna stood at the head of the table, biting her fingernails.

When Batman removed his hands, a wave of belts and sheets flew to the table and tied Zachary down. A wool blanket with a gap cut out of its side floated down from above, covering him snugly. A section of floor bent upward into a wall, shielding them from the breeze.

Batman held a small flashlight and a scalpel. Before he could lift the scalpel, he felt Zatanna's hand on his arm.

"Are you sure you're okay?" she asked.

His instinct was to face away. The less she saw, the better. But he looked at her.

"Are you?"

"Yes."

"Then yes."

"Okay. Whatever happens, thank you."

Batman lifted his scalpel and made the first cut.


Zachary woke.

His whole body tickled. There was a bad itching around his hip, but he had trouble scratching the itch. He quickly discovered that he had trouble moving his arms at all. He felt like he was in bed, but there was fresh air on his face. This was all very strange. Zachary wasn't too worried. Being a mage meant sometimes waking up in strange places with parts of your body acting strange or missing.

He opened his eyes. The world was blurry; like there was slime covering his face. He groaned and blinked, trying to shake it. Then his world went dark as soft fingers wiped the slime away. He blinked again and saw Zatanna Zatara's face. Behind her was a clear sky. He looked into her eyes, trying to make sense of things.

"Zatanna?"

"Hi, Zachary," she said, holding his hand. "How do you feel?"

"I'm not sure." He paused, trying to recall any memories before he blacked out. "Wait, how'd you know my name?"

"Abdiel told me."

"That idiot."

"Don't worry. I know you're not real cops. You're my cousins. Isn't that great?"

"Where's Lord Faust?"

A blur passed overhead like a comet. He heard the faint scream above them.

Zatanna smiled insincerely. "He's far away, Zach. Can I call you Zach? Zachie?"

"You can call me Zach, I suppose." Zachary tried to look around, but she cupped his chin to keep him focused on her.

"Zach, Shadowcrest saw Faust attack you and saved you just in time. Everything's okay. You're going to be swell."

"What do you mean 'going to be'?"

"Uh." Zatanna looked away. Somewhere out of sight, another woman snickered.

"Am I not swell now?" Zachary tried to lift his head. "Why am I not swell now, Zatanna? What's wrong?" He glimpsed a dark figure bent over his hip before Zatanna forced his forehead down.

"I meant you are swell. Slip of the tongue." She smiled harder.

"Zatanna, what is that huge thing beside me?"

"Uh. A decorative statue."

"What?"

"From France."

The unseen woman snorted. Zachary struggled to understand what was going on. Nonsense was a regular part of mage conversation, but Zatanna had no practice as a mage.

"Why does my side itch so much, Zatanna?"

Zatanna held a quarter in front of him. "Hey, Zach, how would you like to see a magic trick?"

Zachary wondered why she had ignored his question. He was almost certain he asked a question, but it was difficult to remember.

"Zatanna," said Zachary wearely.

"Get ready. You're in for a treat."

She passed the quarter dramatically between her white gloves, then she placed it on his forehead. The little circle of metal was cold against his skin.

"Now don't move," she warned, "On three," Zatanna extended a paper wand. He felt her tap the coin. "One, two, three, presto!" She gave it a final tap, and the cold metal feeling disappeared.

"Huh?"

"Stick out your tongue," said Zatanna.

Confused, Zachary obliged. As he opened his mouth, he noticed a weight on his tongue. Shocked, he spit.

Zatanna was ready with a napkin and caught the quarter. She held the napkin open like a trophy. "Ta-da. You can't spell pizazz without Zatanna."

Zachary silently mouthed some letters. "That isn't true. And where'd you learn to do that?"

"I'm a magician, remember?" She tapped the wand against her tophat.

The unseen woman called out, "How's it feel entertaining a murderer?"

"Who said that?" asked Zachary, trying to lift his head to look.

Zatanna forced Zachary's head down again. "So what do you think, Zach? Pretty neat, huh?"

Zachary smacked his lips. "Eugh. My mouth tastes like copper."

"Yeah, I stopped using this one in the stage shows."

Zachary rolled his eyes.

"What?" Zatanna asked.

"Your whole profession. It's such a shame."

"Why?"

"Instead of learning real magic, Uncle Giovanni wasted your time having you learn these tricks."

"They're not tricks!" Zantanna paused to consider her words, "Well, they are. You know what I mean. It's a decent line of work. I entertain people."

"Your father's done you wrong, Zatanna. You're thinking all backward. It's rotten enough he kept you from learning magic-"

"I do magic," Zatanna insisted.

"-You could have had a nice, normal life. As nice as a mundane can live, anyway. Instead he stuck you with all this frippery."

"What do you mean?"

"Life on the road. No family, no friends. For starters, you'd be a lot happier if you were busy with womenly things."

The unseen woman laughed. Zatanna asked, "Womenly things?"

"You know: babies, vegetables, baby vegetables."

"I've finished the sutures," said a man's voice nearby.

Zatanna let out a deep breath. "Thank God."

"What was that?" yelled Zachary. He lifted his head again. This time he wasn't stopped, and he finally recognized the demonic white-eyed man in the cape who attacked the brothers in the front hall. Zachary shouted and tried to run, but he realized that he was tied to a table.

"I wouldn't struggle," The laughing woman appeared and poked a familiar claw into his chin. "You might pull a stitch."

"Zatanna," Zachary cried while trying not to move his jaw, "Help!"

"The Mistress has helped you more than you deserve, Cehennem." Zachary looked up and recognized Shadowcrest standing above his head. "You may even live."