DISCLAIMER: I don't own TVD.

Warning: Talks of abuse and neglect. It shouldn't trigger anyone.

Hello and welcome back. Just a few announcements.

1. I have insomnia. I can't sleep and when I do sleep I don't sleep long enough to function properly. I've been waking up in the middle of the night and I can't go back to sleep. 2. I've recently returned to work so I won't be able to update as frequently as I've been. I just got home and I barely wanted to open my laptop since I've been awake for almost 24 hours. I'm so tired right now. And sick and just hoping it's not COVID. It hurts to write and I had this chapter ready so I just wanted to give you all an update on what to expect from me and this story. Thanks for all the support. Please bear with me.

This chapter will be a bit long because 1. I wanted to explore the effects of the Soul Memory on Phoebe's mental health. 2. I wanted to see the perspectives of the people around Phoebe about what has been happening in their lives over the past few years.

This is the longest chapter yet. Can anyone spot the reference? Hint: has to do with Claire Holt and Phoebe Tonkin.

REVIEWS

Blu3b3rryt3a: You guessed correctly on three gods. I've decided to forgo most of the Olympians instead focus on lesser-known deities like the younger Titanes of Greek Myth. Yes. Phoebe is a demigod, but by no means does that mean she'll suddenly have super strength like Heracles. It just means she has a greater connection to the gods. She's already had two meetings with Hekate while other Hekatean Witches barely get confirmation about their magical theories. She's only been born a demigod in her current incarnation while her previous lives were borne between mortals. Since she's the daughter of Hypnos and Nyx's granddaughter, guess what her strongest abilities will be. More Enzo coming in this chapter and the next chapter. I think Caroline has always been focused on the show as a human as well as a vampire, but her focus was everywhere at once. And so far Caroline is still a child with loyal friends and hasn't experienced her parents' divorce or her mother's neglect. She's also no longer in Elena's shadow since they're not that close in this story.

MoonlightMiracle SakurianaHime: You know, for a sexist ancient society, the ancient Greeks revered a lot of women since they have so many goddesses of war and goddesses who personify traditionally masculine traits. I wonder why? And no. You haven't guessed Jenna's guardian deity. Remember, I prefer Titanes and lesser-known gods.

RenTenTen: So close. It looks like everyone's guessing the same few deities. Am I that predictable? I was actually looking for images of black actors for Phoebe's father when I saw Bow Wow. Then I remembered he was also a guest star on Smallville, so I picked him since CW tends to recycle actors from their different shows. Not to mention Hypnos would need to take a human form when he came to earth and slept with Kelly, so who better than a cool, black rapper who could pass for a frat boy at a party on a college campus. Kelly was wild in high school so I could totally see her spotting him in a crowd with all the tattoos on his arms and approaching him with a swing in her hips when she sees that signature smirk. *Ahem* I may be letting my imagination run a little too wild.

Poppyflower1235: I will neither confirm nor deny anything. Thanks for your review and happy new year.

I hope 2021 treated everyone well and I pray 2022 will treat you all just as well. Happy New Year. On with the story. Please enjoy.


"There is no refuge from memory and remorse in this world. The spirits of our foolish deeds haunt us, with or without repentance." Gilbert Parker


Chapter 10 - Shattered Memories

Since Hekate's visit, the pond gained a new name: The Moon Pool. Every full moon, Lora, Victoria, Matt, and I gathered at the edge of the pool to charge the moonstones, while Jenna, Caroline, and Enzo came to watch the light show caused by the reflection of the moon on the water.

The more proficient I become with magic, the less I need to chant to cast my spells. In the beginning, I used words corresponding with a visualization. As I advanced and mastered the spells, I could use simple physical movements to cast spells. A snap of a finger for a bone-breaking spell (which Enzo allowed me to practice on him), a wave of a hand for telekinesis, closing a fist to squeeze some blood vessels (I never really liked all the staring Bonnie did. It hurts my eyes and it looks weird). I've reached a level of mastery for the fire manipulation that I can cast the spell without any chants or actions.

The appearance of the goddess was written in my grimoire as a Coven Presentation Ritual with all the details from the magically charged Moon Pool to the moonstones and the full moon. Looking over the other Hekatean grimoires I had, there was nothing as such written by other witches, so I assumed it was something that had never happened before. I think it's something that happened because of me because of the large amount of magic I have and had been releasing into the pool. No other witch would have been able to do such a thing. Other witches had met Hekate, but it was mostly in visions rather than appearing in the mortal plane in a magical pond wearing a dress made of water and moonlight. Full moons came and went and we charged our crystals but Hekate did not make another appearance, which made me think that Hekate's appearance was by her own will rather than some type of summoning.

Lora and I spent the end of June and all of July studying divination and creating spells that could allow more control over our visions. Lora had better control over her visions than I as she had training in lucid dreaming when she was younger. She created a Prophecy Lucid Dream Spell using the water from the pool, passing it over her forehead and over her eyelids that allowed her to walk through her visions without losing control.

I already had the water mirror spell which I used to watch Enzo while he was at Agustine a few years back. With the magically changed water from the Moon Pool, I planned to create a Water Divination Spell to simply watch my visions from the physical plane rather than the inside of my head. I have memories of several lifetimes in my head slowly coming to the surface so I don't need other people's pasts, presents, and futures in my head as well.

I passed my hands over my eyes to wipe the sleep from them as I tried to refocus on the grimoire and the bowl of water in front of me. I placed my hand in the bowl once more, connecting my magic to the magic in the bowl. I repeated the incantation causing the water to ripple as an image began to spread over the surface of the water before fading and the ripples stilled. "Ugh!" I groaned as I threw the water over my head, dousing myself completely.

I couldn't focus during the day because I'd been having trouble sleeping at night. Visions, dreams, and memories filled my head that I could no longer enter deep sleep, always staying in REM sleep, slightly conscious of the happenings around me while also experiencing other lives, prophecies, and fantasies. All those things passing through my head makes me feel like I'm not really asleep but wide awake. I'm so tired. How the hell am I supposed to focus?

"I'm gonna take a break," I said to Lora as I removed the soaked white dress that was sticking to my body before jumping into the Moon Pool in my one-piece. I turned over in the water, floating on my back as I watched the cumulus clouds move under the blue dome of the sky. Summer was coming to an end and soon I would have to return to Whitmore to continue my schooling. I only have a few more years to attend before I'll be free and never have to set foot there. Hekate says I should try to enjoy my childhood, so I'm trying to do that to the best of my abilities. As a child, I still had to go to school. As a witch, I had to continuously practice my magic to gain mastery over the craft. But, I still have responsibilities to my family. I have to make sure they're fed every morning, noon, and night while helping them in their academics as well as their magic. I don't want my siblings to be clueless about the supernatural world nor can I leave them without the weapons to protect themselves. As for my mother, I feel like she's slowly killing me with worry. A child is not supposed to worry about her mother's whereabouts. It's not supposed to be my responsibility but it is. I can't explain the relief I feel whenever I find her asleep on the couch or in her room after she's been out the whole day or night.

I released a sigh as I lounged in the cool water of the pond before closing my eyes. The water moved gently over my ears, drowning out the rest of the world. The waves moved strongly against my body as the waters that cooled me during the summer heat became freezing against my thick and heavy clothing. The clear blue waters became dark as the skies turned gray with the heavy clouds that hung over my head. Looking up at the sky, I wished for the sun to return, to shine and warm my body as I clung desperately to the wooden crate keeping me afloat. How can I be cold and hot at the same time? There's pain, pain everywhere in my body as the debilitating cold turned my skin whiter than a specter. I could feel nothing more. I laid on my back as I waited for the cold to bring me the sweet relief of death. If I die, this pain in my chest will go away. I will find my mama in the underworld. Please, I just want the aching numbness and the crippling cold in my bones to stop. Please, make it stop. I can't hold on anymore. I don't want to hold on anymore.

The gods are cruel. My purpose had not yet been fulfilled so they did not send Thanatos to retrieve my soul. I just wished to see my mother again. How could they deny me that? I want my mother. As I close my eyes, I see her in the light, holding her hand out to me, beckoning me to her. "Mama. Mama, please. Mama, do not leave me." I tried to run to her, toward the light, but my feet did not move. A wave of water came and washed me, further from her. I swam frantically toward the light, but the force of the water carried me away from her.

"MAMA!" I let the waves drag me under, closing my eyes. I took my death into my own hands. If Thanatos will not take my soul, then I will let Aeolus(1) take the breath from my body. But I couldn't help open my mouth in a gasp for air as the waves brought me back to the surface. "Mama…"

"Phoebe!"

"I want mama." I kept my eyes closed. I just wanted to stay in the darkness, to feel nothing, to just disappear.

"Phoebe, wake up. You have to wake up." No, I don't want to wake up. "Phoebe, open your eyes for me, love." His voice was smooth and calming. I knew that voice. And that warm hand that held my face gently as though I was the most precious thing to him. "It's okay. Open your eyes." The cold had left my body and the pain in my bones was gone. All I could feel was the warmth of the man's body against me. Safe. I felt safe. I felt warm. A friend. I got the courage to open my eyes, slowly as the rays of the sun penetrated my lids from overhead. The face was still blurry but I could make out the outline of his long curly brown hair, cold blue eyes, the shadows of his beard on his harsh face.

My heart jumped out of my chest and I fought to remove myself from the man's arms when his face finally cleared. It'd been years but the feeling of dread still never left me. "No. Mikael! No." My breath escaped me as I began to drown out of water. A nightmare. This has to be a nightmare. I don't want to see him.

"Phoebe!"

"Sister!"

All the voices overlapped as they called my name.

"PHOEBE!" I gasped and opened my eyes once more. Short dark hair, warm brown eyes filled with worry, and a kind face with just a small amount of stubble. I raised my hand to touch his face.

"Enzo?" My voice caught in my throat. I let out a tired sigh as I realized that the scary man was gone. It was just warm and loving Enzo. He was standing in the Moon Pool in his clothes as he held me close to his chest. I wrapped my arms around his neck, burying my face in his shoulder as he brought me out of the water. Lora, Victoria, Matt, and Jenna had come to stand by the pond during my hysterics. I turned away from their eyes, also filled with worry and confusion, keeping my head on Enzo's shoulder.

"It's me, love. Everything's fine. I got you." He kept whispering sweet nothings to me, comforting me as he carried me all the way back to the house.


Since I fell into that vision and almost drowned in a five-foot-deep pond, my siblings and friends have become more protective of me. I never go anywhere without an escort. Enzo had planned to leave when I returned to school at Whitmore but he decided to stay a little longer. When I wake up from terrors in the night, he's always the one in my room who's comforting me and bringing me back to reality. The visions grew more prominent and more realistic. Even awake, I find myself often falling into my memories, experiencing them vividly falling into my fore-selves' personas. When I had the vision of my other life, drowning in the sea, Lora had told me that I was speaking another language. The only word they could understand was "mama" which I had been crying out while I was flailing in the water.

Gymnastics and sleep deprivation do not mix so I decided to take a break from the club as well, focusing only on my academics and magic.

The weight of the memories of my past life as Medea Lowen that had been lifted was back with more force with the many memories of the many other lives I had lived in this world. It was a cruel existence. I was remembering but not in any clear order. Many lives and existences were melding together in my head. In most, there was a lot of death and suffering, more war than peace. I had loved many times only to lose my love. Memories of children who were born through pain only to be taken away. They melded together as I became unable to distinguish between one life from the next. The worst thing about reincarnation that I had never focused on before is that to be reborn, I had to die. Sometimes I died peacefully and other times, I died painfully. Death was born from the primordial darkness and with each death, I returned to the darkness. Overwhelming darkness.

My mind was shrouded in the darkness when I was awake. My life became like a simulation, experiencing the middle ages, the bronze age, and all of antiquity while just walking down the street. I felt like a bystander in my own life, watching as the many lives passed me by. The flashes of memories came, but never in any order. I could be experiencing life as a Vestal Virgin in the Roman Republic before another flash sent me to Tudor England, burning as a heretic.

I went to the hospital and got a prescription for melatonin for my lack of sleep. The medication helped restore my wake-sleep cycle for about a week before the visions returned. Since medical science couldn't help me, I dealt with the visions and my lack of sleep the only way I knew how. I made a sleep potion using the water from the Moon Pool, pharmaceutical melatonin (a prescription given to me by my doctor to help with my insomnia), and nine herbs that aid with sleep.


October 8th, 1999

I prepared dinner while listening to Third Eye Blind's latest album on the CD player. Like we had done since last year, we would gather every Friday afternoon to binge-watch the shows recorded on the VCR we couldn't watch during the week. Charmed, Buffy, and Stargate SG1 became the favorites. The new show, Law and Order SVU, became the year's new favorite. It's a Friday night so dinner would be finger foods (pizza, burgers, fried chicken) and soda. I like a bit of variety on my table when it comes to food.

I danced along to the music, feeling better than I had felt in a long time. With just a small dose of the potion, I had been sleeping peacefully for the past week, finally able to enjoy my afternoons.

"Phoebe?" Enzo's voice called over the music. I lowered the volume as I met his gaze. "You're looking better," he said.

I smiled for what felt like the first time in a long time. My mind was once again clear and the exhaustion had left my body. "I am feeling better. The potion works. Magic problem, magic cure."

"You sure?" Enzo asked with his brow raised.

I let out a sigh. "I don't know, Enzo." Once upon a time, sleep comforted me. I took a nap every afternoon after lunch and looked forward to a restful sleep to refresh myself after a tiring day. Now, I dread the sleep that had once brought me peace. "The soul memory is a powerful thing, especially for an Old Soul like me. If the memories want to push through they will, but for now, I'm gonna enjoy the short reprieve."

Enzo came forward and wrapped his arms around me. "I'm here, love. If the nightmares come back, I'll still be here to pull you back."

I wrapped my arms around his waist, letting the tears fall on my face. "Thank you, Enzo." I wiped the tears and put a smile on my face. "Let's just enjoy the weekend while we still can." I took the trays of food and headed back to the living room with the food while Enzo brought the drinks.

"Oh, thank goodness," Jenna said as she reached for the slice of pizza on the tray. She hummed as she spoke while eating. "The Whitmore dining hall didn't have anything good today. I haven't eaten since this morning."

I looked down in front of the couch where Matt and Ria sat as they poured soda into the cups. "Hey," I said and they flinched. "These shows aren't for children. Go watch kid shows in your rooms."

"But, you're also a kid," Ria replied with her smart mouth. I wonder where she got it from.

"I'm a grown-up in my mind," I said.

"Please sis," Matt begged, giving me puppy-dog eyes while he pouted his small lips. "Can we just watch Charmed and SG1?"

I sighed as I gave into his request. It had been a long time since we were able to gather together to watch TV and I didn't want to lose this opportunity as I had no idea when I would be completely lucid again. I wanted to enjoy this time with my friends and family. "Fine. Just Charmed and SG1." I sat back on the couch as I put my food on the paper plate. "Who's your favorites?"

"I like Sam and Prue," Ria said. "They're both so smart."

"I like Teal'c," Matt replied. "He's strong. And I like…" He thought for a moment with his finger on his chin. "I think Prue."

I mock gasped. "You don't like Phoebe. She has the same name as me."

"Phoebe's actually my favorite." We all turned to Jenna as she explained, "I like that even though her power isn't as active as her siblings, she still tries and learns to fight with her hands instead."

"Hello," Lora raised her hand. "Daniel Jackson anyone? Michael Shanks is so hot. I also watched the movie from '94. James Spader was just so… ooh. I love him. You think he'll let me have his babies?"

"Ew," I said, closing my hand around Matt and Ria's ears, bringing their heads together. "Please don't talk about having babies with hot actors in front of my little siblings."

"Plus, isn't he, like, 19 years older than you?" Jenna said, still stuffing her face with fries.

"Age doesn't matter to us supernaturals," said Lora. "Plus, I'm an adult."

"I think he's also married," Jenna added.

"Damn," Lora swore. She turned to me for a moment. "What about you?"

"What about me?" I dug my teeth into the chicken wing.

"I know you have a thing for older guys. Like way older. You think the college guys are 'ignorant and selfish snot-nosed brats with no ambition' and you don't have crushes on kids your age." She made air quotes as she repeated a conversation we had.

"That's because I'm an Old Soul. I am mentally 34 and spiritually older than most countries," I explained. "Plus, all the men I know are so boring and immature," I said. "Not you, Enzo. You're just awesome."

"Thank you, darling," he replied, looking younger than he was as he drank his soda out of a red cup. "And you're too young to be interested in relationships anyway. You're my savior. Any man who wants to court you will have to go through me." He leaned forward in the armchair, his eyes piercing mine. "Understand?"

My eyes widened and my mind went blank as I just nodded, unable to find any words.

"Papabear or brother-bear?" I heard Jenna whisper to Lora who snorted, knowing full well that Enzo could hear them.

"Okay, let's just watch the show," I said, grabbing the remote to play the most recent episode of SG1.

We watched SG1 but by the time charmed season 2 episode 2 finished, the room was completely silent. I don't think any of us were expecting the message the episode was sending before watching a witch get burned alive. Everything hit too close to home. I said nothing as I took Ria and Matt's hands at the end of the episode. I held their hands tightly as I brought them into my room as they were crying and sniffling uncontrollably.

"Sissy," Matt cried. He only called me sissy when he was upset about something. I really shouldn't have let them watch the show, but since they already were, I didn't want them to only see a part without seeing the conclusion. "Is that gonna happen to you, too?"

I sat Matt down as I took a box of tissues from the nightstand. I wiped the tears from his eyes. "Why do you think that's gonna happen to me?"

"Because you're a witch. We're witches. What if people find out and burn us?"

"Okay. Sit down, Ria." She sat down on the rug next to Matt, facing me. "Why do you think Phoebe was burned?"

"She killed a man," Ria replied.

"Yeah, she did. But she kills demons, too. Why wasn't she burned for that?"

Matt and Ria looked at each other then looked at me. "Because…" Neither of them could think of an answer.

"Okay. So, think of me as Phoebe in the show. And think of the vampires in our world like the demons in the show. They do bad things to good people," I explained.

"But that man was also a bad man and did a bad thing. That's why Phoebe killed him," Victoria explained. I raised an eyebrow and smiled, pleased she seemed to have understood more of the events in the show than I expected.

"Yeah, but that's what the justice system is for. You know the police and the judges and lawyers judge bad humans who do bad things to other humans," I explained. "We're supernaturals. We're not completely human. The same laws humans follow aren't the same laws we follow. We, witches, sometimes have to be the police and judges in our world. In the future, we'll have to kill bad vampires who do bad things to humans. Sometimes, we'll have to kill bad people to protect ourselves and our family. Do you understand?"

"So, we can help good people and punish bad people," Ria tried.

"And we have to protect ourselves from bad people," Matt added.

"Yeah. And we don't have to kill someone to punish them. You have to use your powers responsibly. You can't just use your powers to give out your own brand of justice, understand?" Although the world is not so black and white, it was the best I could do. "And I promise, I'll never let anyone hurt you. No one will burn you. If anyone tries anything that hurts you, tell me and I'll protect you. If you want, I'll even take you away from Mystic Falls to another place." I pressed a kiss on each of their foreheads. "And no more Charmed until you're both at least 15."

I put on some music and pulled out a board game from the bottom drawer of my dresser to play. I spent the rest of the evening playing with Ria and Matt. We built a fort out of balls and sticks with sheets over the structure and played camping. Not too long after, they fell asleep on the padded duvet I had laid on the floor.

I turned off the music before I got up and walked to my nightstand where the sleep potion in the jug remained next to a small plastic cup. I poured the potion in just a little less than a third of the cup and drank it back. I scrunched up my nose and puckered my cheeks at the bitter taste of the potion. Honey or sugar doesn't do anything to help the taste.

I went to the bathroom to rinse the taste from my mouth with toothpaste as I brushed my teeth. Damn, I forgot to brush Ria and Matt's teeth. I shrugged since they were already asleep and one night of no brushing won't give them cavities. I finished brushing and returned to my room to change out of my day clothes for my cotton shorts and tank-top that I preferred to sleep in.

I hadn't heard anything from my group of friends outside since I entered the room. I just hoped they enjoyed themselves while I was taking care of Ria and Matt. I opened the door and walked back to the living room to find it completely empty. No, not quite empty. A black handbag was at the foot of the couch and high heels were thrown recklessly in the corner of the living room. A pair of crossed pale legs and a head of brunette hair dangling over the head of the couch were the only things I could see of her.

Every time without fail, my heart pounded against my rib cage as I released a breath of relief. Every time I saw even a glimpse of her after she spent the day out of the house, my heart fluttered. The closer I walked to the couch, the stronger the scent of liquor became. I took a seat on the armchair to take in her face. Her cheeks were flushed red as a sure sign of her intoxication while the skin-tight back dress ruffled and hiked up her thighs as she turned in her sleep. I released another sigh in exasperation.

"There is another whom you are bonded to."

I know she is the other person I share a bond with. How could I not have bonded with her? She is my mother. I loved her since she held me every afternoon after returning home from school. I loved her when she was just a teenager who was trying to take care of her young daughter born of a one-night-stand with a stranger. I loved her when she dressed me up and sat me down to do my hair. Even when my sensitive scalp ached and bruised as she combed my coily hair out to try the latest styles she loved, I loved her. I cried but I loved her. I loved her when she held my hand down the street and when she held me in her arms as I cried. I miss her. I miss her scent when I would crawl into her bed when I couldn't sleep.

I wonder which is worse: abuse or neglect? Maybe if she beat me, took her anger out on me, I'd feel like she noticed me. I'd feel like she saw me rather than act like I was made of air that she simply passed through when she walked around the house. When she leaves, she walks out without a word, her eyes passing over me without looking at me. When she returns, she throws her shoes and her purse in the corner while she lounges on the couch reeking of liquor. I am but a shadow in my mother's eyes. Always there, but never seen or acknowledged. I just want her to see me. Heat filled my eyes as the tears fell over her face, sleeping peacefully. "I miss you, mommy." I touched my forehead to hers as I stood over her, letting the tears fall.

Sometimes, I wish I could bring myself to hate her. I wanted to swear and curse her name for the worries she always causes me. I want to hurt her for her abandonment of Ria and Matt who do not remember the times our mother loved and cared for them. I want to spew venom in her beautiful face to mar it with pain and realization that she had abandoned us, leaving her responsibilities to me, who is still but a child. I wiped my tears from my eyes as I took her purse and shoes in my hands. I can't hate her. My beautiful mother who held me as I cried, gave me two teddy bears to accompany me while I slept. I had never forgotten her. I just hope that she did not die the same day my grandmother passed away.

I levitated Kelly's body, cradling her head and legs with my magic so she laid straight as a board. I carried her up the stairs to the master bedroom and laid her gently on the bed. I removed her dress and wiped her body down with a cool towel before drying her and putting her under the covers. She seemed to relax into the comfort of the mattress as she slept through the whole towel bath. I let out a wide yawn, unable to keep the effects of the potion at bay any longer. I pressed a kiss on Kelly's cheek before I said, "Good night and sweet dreams, mommy," I whispered before I turned to leave the room, making sure the door doesn't make any noise as it closes. I returned downstairs, turning the lights off in the house. I stood in the darkness in front of my door before saying, "Good night, Enzo." I walked into my room without a second thought, knowing well that Enzo would hear me. I crawled under the fort beside Matt and Ria, patting the pillow under my head as the potion finally took effect. I placed one arm across my younger siblings in comfort as I fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.


3rd person POV

Lora Heinz smiled as she enthusiastically packed her backpack to go to the Donovans' house for another weekend. She only needed her textbooks, notebooks, and laptop to do her homework and her grimoire to practice her spells. She had almost moved into one of the six bedrooms where she left her clothes and toiletries. So many extraordinary things have happened since she met Phoebe Donovan who barreled into her life, shattering her worldview like a wrecking ball.

She was alone when she entered college after she went no contact with her parents. She decided to go to college across state lines, in a small town she thought her parents would never think to look for her. It was the only revenge she could think to go against her parents because of what they did to her and her sister. But she was alone. Most of the students at Whitmore were from the surrounding towns and she had little to no social skills due to her strict upbringing. Thankfully, there was a gymnastics club at the college which she joined almost immediately after she entered the school. She had been doing gymnastics since she was a child. Her parents forced her to do the sport because it made them look good, their little girl, the junior gymnastics champion. Her enjoyment of the sport ceased when she realized the truth behind her parents' adoration. Her championships were never for her. They were for mommy and daddy to show off to their friends about their perfect little daughter. But gymnastics was all she knew so she joined the club at the college. She found joy in the sport again with all the support she received from her teammates. Succeed or fail, they were always there for her to give their support, to laugh together, and cry together. She was happier than she had ever been in a long time. College was gonna be the best time of her life.

Lora met the young gymnast, Phoebe, and immediately felt a connection to her. She was bright, both physically and intellectually. She had the wisdom of a woman who had already lived a life and shared her wisdom with the college kids around her to the point where their friends started calling her granny. She was said to be a genius in a program at Whitmore college. At first, Lora thought Phoebe was also being forced to participate in the sport by her family like she had been, but Phoebe looked happy, rather than miserable as Lora had been when she practiced gymnastics when she was younger. Soon they began talking and became great friends. Rather than feeling like she was speaking to a child, she felt like she was speaking to a peer who understood her. They became friends and started hanging out outside the gymnastics club, talking on the quad, and eating together in the dining hall. Every time Lora came close to the young girl, she felt warm and comforted, like something was pulling her toward the young girl.

Sometime later, she began having strange dreams and nightmares when she's asleep and when she's awake, she had to avoid touching people because she would get strange visions about their thoughts and events in their lives. She couldn't focus on her classes and gymnastics due to her lack of sleep. She isolated herself when she started to feel on edge all the time and she began seeing things that no one else could. Then, Phoebe came to her and explained the visions and the nightmares. She grew relieved as everything in her life suddenly made sense when Phoebe told her that she was a witch and explained all the visions and nightmares. With more control over her magic, the nightmares lessened and she no longer had visions just by touching people. The visions only came about the people closest to her. She gained visions about Phoebe and her friends. She found out that the stronger the emotional connection she had to the person, the more vivid the visions became. She learned about vampires and other supernatural creatures that lived in the shadows as well as the role witches played. She was also different from regular witches who were servants of Nature. She was a child of Hekate, the goddess of witchcraft. She didn't know what that entailed, but she later found out that Phoebe was gathering allies to prepare for a threat to the supernatural world that would happen in the future. Lora wanted to learn more about the supernatural world and her magic, which made her feel empowered. Phoebe had saved her from herself when she helped calm her raging magic power and Lora decided that she would support the young girl who carried the world on her shoulders.

"Lora." She turned to find one of her roommates jogging to stand beside her. "So, there's a rave tonight. You have to come."

"We already went to a club yesterday. And you know I always go stay with my friends over the weekends," Lora replied as she walked toward the parking lot.

"Why do you always do that? You plan your parties and weekends like you plan your classes. You almost never change it."

"It's how it is. Weekends are important because it's the only time my friends and I can all hang out together. We have traditions we carry out during the weekends and I already told you that Thursdays and Sundays are for parties. We hung out yesterday, we'll party again on Sunday evening." She waved her hand to Jenna across the street, who stood by her car with her batons hung in the cylindrical tube over her shoulder.

When she came to college at Whitmore, she was able to gain multiple scholarships and worked in the bar near the school four times a week to pay for the rest of her tuition. She could not afford a car so she took the shuttle to Mystic Falls since so many students came from there. Jenna, who was a year younger than her, also decided to attend Whitmore. She also had a car to come and go between campus and Mystic Falls so they carpooled to the Donovans' house.

"Fine," said the roommate. "Where are you going?"

"Just outside of Mystic Falls," Lora replied. "I'll see you on Sunday." She hugged her friend goodbye before making her way to Jenna. They greeted each other with a hug before they both entered to drive toward Mystic Falls.

"How's school so far, Jen?" Lora asked her friend.

Jenna kept her eyes on the road, occasionally looking at the girl beside her out of the corner of her eyes. "Good. I have five courses. Two on Tuesdays and Thursdays and three on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays."

"You're getting a degree in Psych, right?"

"Hmm," she affirmed. "You know, I always wanted to understand people. Just how the mind works, but with Enzo and Phoebe, I feel like I have to. I'm sure Enzo's probably traumatized by his time at Augustine and Phoebe is an adult in a child's body with a child's psychology." She shook her head. "Now, her memories of thousands of years of existence are breaking her psyche."

Lora shuffled her red hair with her fingers as she leaned back against the seat. "Yeah, I know what you mean."

"You know, when I asked Phoebe why she wanted to protect me, she said that she saw my death. I was a vampire in a circle of flames and then someone drove a stake through my heart. She decided then that she had to protect me." Growing up in Mystic Falls, Jenna Sommers found herself always being compared to her sister, Miranda, who was 10 years older than her and the perfect daughter. Whatever her sister did, she had to do. She had to participate in all the town traditions and join all the committees her sister did in school. She had to be Miss Mystic Falls because her sister was Miss Mystic Falls even though they're not part of a Founding Family. Her sister was dating the boy-next-door, Grayson Gilbert, a founding family member, so Jenna had to date his brother, John Gilbert. And she did it to please her mother. But John was an asshole and Jenna was a troublemaker who wasn't good enough for him. She wasn't good enough to become a Gilbert. The relationship didn't work out and Jenna became a disappointment to her parents. After Miranda married Grayson right out of high school, she soon had Elena and then Jeremy. Her parents began giving hints about her marrying out of high school and giving them more grandchildren (even though Miranda couldn't get pregnant and had to adopt Elena from John's high school girlfriend). That was never what Jenna wanted. The children were cute. She loved her niece and nephew, but she realized she didn't want to be around children long-term. Jenna was ambitious and wanted to go to college for a degree to become self-sufficient and leave Mystic Falls. She wanted to be her own person rather than just someone's daughter, someone's sister, someone's wife, and someone's mother. She wanted to just be Jenna. She wanted to enjoy alcohol and smoke weed when she felt like it, so long as it didn't interfere with her school work. Jenna had straight As and a 4.0 GPA in school, but her mother could never see her as more than the rebellious child without the conservative Southern values her elder sister, Miranda, embodies.

Then, came along a little smart-mouthed girl who told her she would protect her. She told her she was a witch and she had magic to protect her. Jenna didn't believe her about the witch part but she found herself attracted to the young child who didn't mind that she smoked or drank. Phoebe accepted her and told her to accept herself. Jenna found herself taking Phoebe's advice more often than not. Jenna absorbed her wisdom in life while seeking her expertise in fashion. Unlike her niece and nephew whom she couldn't stand for long periods of time, Jenna found herself seeking out Phoebe's presence and counsel. The reason Phoebe was different was that she acted more like an adult than a child (because she was mentally an adult). Phoebe also opened her eyes to the supernatural goings-on in Mystic Falls. Unlike Miranda who made her think the vampires from the stories were just that -stories- Phoebe made sure that Jenna was prepared to hold her own against the supernatural. Jenna understood why her sister didn't tell her about the Council, but why not secretly give her vervain jewelry or perfume to protect herself from vampires? Jenna had recently become more estranged from Miranda and the Gilbert brothers after she found out what Grayson had done to Enzo. She could not look at him and see the man he portrayed, the "good" man her sister married. She looked at Grayson Gilbert and saw a monster worse than a vampire.

As Jenna grew more distanced from her sister and her in-laws, she drew closer to the Donovans because she felt like it was the only place that was real rather than hidden behind a veil of secrets. Four witches and a vampire and a little bubbly human named Caroline, and herself. That's all they were and there were no secrets between them. She was just Jenna. While Lora and the Donovan siblings worked on their magic, she worked with Enzo on her fighting and hunting skills. Being in college, she easily found a martial arts club and joined, allowing her to learn to fight opponents stronger than her. Being a vampire, Enzo taught her how to exploit all of a vampire's weaknesses from vervain to stakes, which she carried around with her and used as batons. Although Jenna tried to be strong, to be prepared, she wasn't sure she would be able to really take on a vampire. She was just a human with no special tricks or abilities. She was more likely to be killed in the supernatural world than her friends. It was all so surreal. What could she really do against creatures who are stronger, faster, and have more acute senses compared to her?

Then she met a goddess and discovered that another god blessed her. Why? Why would a god pay attention to her? She wasn't magical like Lora, nor was she a vampire. She was just pure human. What could a god want with her? The only thing she could do was fight better than the average woman. But even so, Jenna remained close to Phoebe who had already been a part of her life for over 9 years and she couldn't imagine what life would be like without the young witch.

"How could I not want to protect her in return?"

Lora sighed. "Yeah, me too. I feel so useless. I can't figure out what's wrong with her."

"Didn't you also have problems with visions and dreams because of your magic? Maybe Phoebe's magic is unstable or something?"

"No." Lora shook her head. "Phoebe has more control over her power than me. It's definitely because of the Soul Memory. One soul stores all the memories and experiences of dozens of lives. All the memories of her past lives are coming to her at once and she can't stop it."

"Memories are weird. Strong memories we need are stored for later when the person wants access like academics and memories with strong emotional attachments. Other memories are deleted when it's not being used. Now add magic to the mix, thousands of years of memories coming in a short amount of time, each with strong emotional connections. Some are trauma." Jenna sighed as she turned to Lora. "How the hell is she supposed to stay sane?"

"I don't know." Lora shook her head. "When she told me about being a reincarnation, she told me about when she first met Hekate. Hekate told Phoebe that she had Mnemosyne put a lock on Phoebe's memories. So in her other lives, she never had complete access to her past lives."

"So, Mnemosyne must have unlocked the memories," Jenna said. "But why now? Hekate already said that she wants Phoebe to enjoy her childhood. I doubt she wants her to go mad."

"A storm is coming," Lora whispered as she looked ahead when they stopped to look at the brown and beige stone veneer of the house.


Enzo is a vampire. He doesn't need sleep. He stays in his room at night, sometimes wide awake with his ears always open to the room down the hall for any whispers or screams of terror. Enzo sighed as he got off the mattress and went to sit on the leather chair by the window. He didn't think that vampires could get high blood pressure but over the past few months, he's felt like his head was going to explode from all the stress caused by worrying over Phoebe. For months now, the young girl had been having trouble sleeping due to her uncontrollable dreams of her past life. He was an Augustine vampire. He had had his lungs removed and painfully grown back, his stomach cut open as stomach acid burned the surrounding organs. He survived on just enough blood rations so his body wouldn't desiccate and mummify. All those are nothing compared to the emotional suffering he felt because he couldn't help his savior. She brought him out of his suffering so when he thinks about how he can't end her sufferings, his intestines turn to knots.

The visions come to her in painful headaches and Enzo feeds her his blood, but it only alleviates her pain long enough for other visions to come to her in full force. "It's psychological, not physical pain so vampire blood's healing properties won't work," Jenna explained once before. Enzo almost entertained the thought of turning her into a vampire just to stop the painful visions and memories. Over his travels, he's found some witches who did just that because their magic was too much for them. Others who have been turned into vampires unwillingly fell into a deep depression because they lost the connection to their magic. Phoebe loves her magic. It was also that power that allowed her to give him his freedom. He could not bear to take that part away from her and turn her into a shell of her brilliant self he loves so much.

"Non…" Enzo shot out of his chair into Phoebe's room in a fraction of a second the moment he heard her voice speak in French this time. His eyes saw through the darkness without the need to turn the light on. He sat on the bed, turning Phoebe to face him as she kicked and flailed around in her bedsheets. He placed her head on his shoulder, passing his fingers through her damp hair. He sensed her magic radiating from her body in strong waves that pressed on his body, on his chest, almost suffocating him. He held her hands together in his without too much strength as he touched her temple with his other hand.

He forced his way into her mind, returning to the darkness he had pulled her out of many times before. He searched deeper into her mind trying to get out of the darkness as he had done many times before. When he previously entered her mind, he would find some light that guided him to her, but for the first time, Enzo found no light in her mind. All around him, voices echoed in the darkness. He was just floating in nothing with no up or down or left or right.

"You're here again." The other voices died down as one single voice filtered through the darkness. The darkness shifted and morphed into a dark face with glowing white hollow eyes and mouth illuminating the darkness. More features became prominent on the beings' face and body as the white silhouettes of clothing formed around the creature's dark body. Large black wings extended out from his back, each as long as his body. "Usually, it is the eldest of your kind who have mastered the ability to enter my domain."

Enzo opened his mouth but the creature did not allow him to speak. "I understand your worries, Lorenzo. It must be painful that you are unable to help her. However, it is also not my wish to see her in pain. It is out of our control once the lock on her Soul Memory has been removed. These episodes are not to harm her but to try to help her organize her memories."

"I just want to take her pain away. She doesn't deserve this. She's a child. She needs to enjoy her life, in reality, not be constantly pulled into a traumatic memory," Enzo said. "She loves to sleep. She deserves a peaceful night."

"I know. I also want the best for her," said the creature.

"Who are you?"

"I am Morpheus. Come, I will take you to her." With a flap of his wings, the darkness dispelled and Enzo was in a hall of mirrors, all shattered and thrown about on the floor. There was only one mirror that was completely whole at the farthest end of the hall.

"What is this place?" Images of himself played like a film in the mirror. Then there was Victoria and Matthew and Lora and Jenna and Kelly. Phoebe's memories.

"It is her mindscape. As you can see, only one life is completely whole. The rest are in pieces. Each episode she has, she puts more of the pieces together." There were small pieces the size of a nail on the floor and larger jagged pieces hanging on her wall, waiting for more pieces to be added like a puzzle.

"Where is she?"

"Here." He pointed a black fingertip to a jagged piece of a mirror where a memory played like a projector. The mirror liquified as a pair of feet stepped out of the mirror. Another dark man with large black wings on his back, but also on his head. In his arms, he gently held Phoebe who had her arms wrapped around his neck. The other creature's face was out of focus as the small wings on the sides of his face flapped, caressing Phoebe's cheeks. He looked down at her face and smiled a kind and loving smile from a father to his daughter. She returned the smile, her brown eyes - now white- only seeing him. He lowered his lips to her forehead before he placed her on the floor while still holding one of her hands. He led her to a piece of glass that she picked up. They walked together back to the large piece on the wall, fusing the smaller piece to the side of the large piece.

He took her into his arms once more and kissed her forehead as she closed her eyes, completely at ease with him. His large wings came forward as if to shield her from her surroundings. He walked toward Enzo and Morpheus. Stopping before the two, he turned to look down at Enzo, "I know how much you care for her. Help her. Protect her. She is my most precious child." He pulled his wings back before he gently placed her into Enzo's arms. The vampire watched, who, or what, he assumed to be a powerful deity, pass his fingers through the young witch's hair before placing another longing kiss on her temple. His hand rested on her sleeping form for several moments more, not wanting to let her go. But he had to let her go. She did not yet belong here with him. "When she wakes, she'll know what to do. Now go." With a wave of his hand, Enzo flew back through the full mirror before he opened his eyes to the light of the morning sun in Phoebe's bed.

He looked down at her to find her sleeping much more peacefully than before. Her breath evened with each inhalation and exhalation rather than the ragged breaths she had the night before. Enzo placed her back on the pillow as he slipped off her bed. Entering her mind was always hard for him and he needed to hunt his breakfast to regain his strength. He watched her sleep until he closed the door and left the room peacefully.

"Enzo?" He found Lora drinking green juice in the kitchen. "Another one of those nights?"

"Yeah, but worse. I found two gods in her head. Turns out the dreams and the breaks from reality are her trying to organize the memories in her head."

Lora's eyes widened as she spat out her drink. "What? Who?" She wiped the spilled juice off the counter with the dishrag.

"One said his name was Morpheus. I didn't get the name of the other one."

"That totally makes sense," said Lora. "Morpheus is the god of dreams. The other must be one of his brothers or relatives."

Enzo released a sigh as he passed his hand through his hair. He had difficulty coming to terms with the powerful beings. With all the pain he's seen Phoebe go through because of the god's will, whatever that is, he can't help but think that they are more trouble than they are worth. They speak in riddles and send her to accomplish a task with no help or guidance. She's an Old Soul, but she was still a child and she was suffering because of the gods who claim to love her. Lorenzo couldn't reconcile that. "I've had enough of deities for one day. I'm gonna go find my breakfast." Enzo stopped before leaving through the back door. "Oh, and let her sleep."


November 29, 1999

When Phoebe stepped out of her room in the afternoon, she found all eyes on her as she walked into the living room. "Well?" Jenna, Enzo, and Lora asked in unison.

She knew what they were asking as she knew Enzo would have already told her about what went on inside her head. She walked to the kitchen counter and pulled the covered fruit plate to herself. She ate a piece of melon before she said, "We'll need to perform a Familiar Bonding Ritual tonight. I already found the spell in Thea's grimoire."

"A familiar? Like Sabrina's black cat?" Jenna asked.

Phoebe nodded. "Yeah, it turns out a familiar to Hekatean witches is like a talisman for Gaian witches."

"Talismans are used by witches to channel more power and focus their magic," explained Lora.

"But, us, we don't take magic from outside. It comes from inside, constantly leaking. A familiar takes in the leaking magic for later use. Using a familiar will also make sure we don't burn out from using too much magic. Since they're animals, familiars have a certain level of intelligence so they can act according to their master's will," Phoebe explained.

"Okay, so what does that have to do with the visions and memories?" Enzo said.

"I need an anchor when I sleep. The familiar will pull on my magic to bring me out of my dreamscape. If it hadn't been for you, Enzo, I'd probably be in a coma right now." She smiled as she turned to look at him. She mouthed, "Thank you."

"But I'm guessing you'll need an animal that has a strong connection to magic if you want an anchor," Lora analyzed.

"Yeah. Remember the snake I brought from the bio-lab that was gonna get put down. Poor thing," Phoebe pointed. "She lets me feed her, and always comes to cuddle me when I'm nearby. She's been thriving with the amount of magic she's getting from the Moon Pool ecosystem."

Phoebe already had most of the ingredients she needed to perform the spell from the greenhouse and the bank of the Moon Pool. She needed to perform the ritual before her bedtime or else she would be going back into the opium poppy fields without a tether (2). She left her siblings out of the more gruesome part of the ritual, only allowing them to help her mix the herbs and choose a vessel for the familiar among her collection of jewelry. With her moonstone necklace around her neck, she drank from the mixture before reciting the long incantation. Being the one who would be bonded to the animal, no other witch could help her in the ritual, so Lora remained watching on the sidelines with Jenna and Enzo. She cut the snake's throat with a dagger, killing it instantly and letting the blood fall into a bowl. She made a small incision in the palm of her hand and placed it in the bowl with the snake's blood mixing them together. She dropped the body of the snake into the cauldron with the rest of the herbal mixture and poured the blood into the mixture as well. She moved on to the second verse of the chant, watching as shadows created from the torches illuminating the clearing crawled into the bubbling cauldron. The mixture turned completely black like the pit of Erebus, shaping the body of the serpent.

She extended her hand to the cauldron, revealing the gold bangle with an amethyst and several diamonds that would serve as the vessel for the familiar. The bangle belonged to her great-grandmother and had been left in boxes in the basement since Amy's death. She found it when she was looking for jewelry to set the moonstones in several months back.

The snake had been changed from a harmless black racer to a large horned serpent with protruding green, red, and gold scales overlapping all along its back. Phoebe finished the ritual by calling out the name she had chosen for her familiar. "...Quetzal." She had already thought of the name for the snake, after the Mezo-American feathered serpent god, Quetzalcoatl. Maybe the familiar took on similar characteristics to its namesake due to her imagination.

Quetzal slithered out of the cauldron, up her arm under her shirt to her neck where it nuzzled gently beside her ears, hissing loudly with its forked tongue flying out of its mouth to licking her face to taste her magic. The snake went back to her arm, scenting the vessel with its tongue before it became a streak of darkness and entered her vessel through the large amethyst. The bangle was overtaken by the shadows as well, morphing around Phoebe's wrist. The shape changed from a simple circular bangle to a serpentine bracelet around Phoebe's wrist with the head of the snake resting on the back of her hand where the amethyst now lay. She closed her eyes, sensing the tug of her familiar on her magic, settling in as though it was always a part of her.

With the ritual complete, Phoebe returned to her house to try to fall asleep. When she returned to her room, Lora and Enzo forced their way in behind her. "What are you doing?" She pushed all her furniture to the corners of the room.

"There's no way we're leaving you alone while you sleep. If the familiar doesn't work and you go into a coma, I'll use magic to help Enzo pull you back out," Lora explained. She stood behind Enzo, who took a seat in the armchair. He relaxed, his eyes staring down at her as if daring her to argue. Phoebe smiled as she looked at her friends, feeling even safer with them by her side. "Thank you."

She drank the sleep potion. She laid still on her back on her round rugs, channeling only her familiar as she quickly fell asleep. She returned to the darkness, but instead of feeling cold and suffocated, it wrapped around her like a warm dress, giving her comfort. Her grandfather, Erebus, was a part of the darkness and sought to comfort her rather than bring her pain. Phoebe opened her eyes with the starry sky glittering above her. She turned her head to the left and to the right to find that she was lying in a field of opium poppies. She stood up and took in her surroundings. There was no source of light other than the stars in the sky but her eyes could see as if she was in the light of day. Mountains rose in the distance as rolling hills of sleep-inducing flowers dotted the landscape. Water flowed down a mountain through the fields past a cave. She saw a figure with a large pair of raven wings kneeling down by the rushing river. Phoebe raised the hem of her flowing a-line white dress as she approached the figure.

"Welcome back," said the man as he raised himself up to his full height. He held a chalice of water that he had taken from the river in his hand out to Phoebe. "Here, drink." She took the goblet with both hands and drank in the sweet taste of water from the Lethe. When she opened her eyes again, they were white l. "Let us be on our way. Your memories await." She smiled and nodded, placing her hand in the man's larger one as they walked together into the mouth of the cave. His wings extended behind her in an act to support and protect her from the outside world.

That night, there were no nightmares or dreams. No terrors or flailing. She simply slept peacefully in her father's warm embrace. "Happy birthday, daughter."


Talk about art imitating life. I hope I described Phoebe's disorientation well when she's falling between her memories and reality. I wanted to show the loss of control she had, not just over her sleep, but also over her body and her mind and magic, which are her greatest assets being turned into her greatest enemy. Phoebe's finally ten years old.

I had planned something else for this chapter. We would meet another one of Phoebe's previous incarnations, but when I started writing, the story took a life of its own since I was already focusing on so many different characters, I didn't want to suddenly shift focus onto something else.

Just because I wrote that abuse is "better" than neglect doesn't mean that I condone abuse or neglect. Phoebe's father is mostly absent (except when he decides to make an appearance in her sleep) and her mother is an addict who barely looks at her children. Phoebe wants her mother's attention and she'd rather have toxic and harmful attention from her mother beating her than acting like she doesn't exist. I do not condone abusive relationships. Parents should never neglect or abuse their children.

(1) Aeolus: keeper of the winds. When he releases the winds, they can either cause light breezes or violent winds and sea storms. Father of the four winds (North Wind Boreas, East Wind Eurus, South Wind Notus, West Wind Zephyrus)

(2) Opium poppy fields: is the home of Hypnos, the god of sleep. Hypnos lives in a cave by the sea in Erebus (his father and the personification of darkness) surrounded by a field of opium poppies by the river of forgetfulness. Just a whole lot of mythology.

I haven't used many of the mainstream Olympian gods because I want to give the spotlight to the Titans and the lesser-known gods. So there will be no Athena, Artemis, Apollo, Hermes, Hera, Ares, and many more. This is why I named Aeolus over Poseidon in the sea storm scene. I didn't use Oceanus cause he's pretty chill in his myths.

Thanks for reading and don't forget to leave a review.

Love, Jamie.