Chapter 6: Peeping Princess
Aang was compelled to meet with several Earth Kingdom officials and didn't have the chance to run after Sokka, but he was also determined not to tell Katara about Sokka's concerning behavior, knowing she would worry over her brother. That's why he approached a trusted assistant by the name of Junjie to have him check on the Southern warrior. Even if it meant intruding on the man's company with a lady during his time off.
"I hope you understand that I'd never interrupt your day off if it wasn't an emergency," Aang told him. "I just feel like something's wrong. Something might have upset him. I don't know all the details, but I can recognize when he's deeply disturbed by something."
"Don't you worry, Avatar Aang," Junjie assured him. "I'll make a search for him. If he's not in the palace, then I will check his apartment."
"Again, I apologize for this, Junjie, but I just feel that it's not a good idea to leave him alone. Especially after the last few months…"
"Don't apologize, sir, I understand. I'll do everything I can to find him and make sure he's alright."
Once the Avatar left, the woman next to Junjie sighed. "Well this stinks. I missed out on all of my other clients for your sake."
"I paid a hefty price for tonight, and I fully intend to get my money's worth," the assistant insisted, draping his arm possessively around the woman's waist.
"Even after getting a request like that from the Avatar himself?"
"Eh, that's nothing to worry about," the assistant shrugged it off. "Just bear with me for five minutes, and we'll get out of here."
And after pretending to scour the Earth King's palace for a few minutes, Junjie left behind his half-hearted efforts completely. Brushing the issue off of his hands, he left the palace under the pretext of his search for the tribesman, calling it a day. After finding the woman waiting for him out in the courtyard, he pulled her along with him to the middle ring, and they made their way to the street that housed one of Ba Sing Se's most-frequented brothels.
"I don't understand why you didn't take this so seriously. Shouldn't you be concerned for this councilman guy?"
"Please, this isn't the first time that man disappeared at night, especially after parties and gatherings."
Indeed, the tribesman was often found alone and under the stars, lost in drinks and moonlight somewhere where no one could bother him, and Junjie knew this time would be no different.
"I still think you should've gone after him," the woman said. "Who knows, he probably wouldn't have refused our services. Madame Mu would've made another buck or two. And he's a tribesman at that. Tribesmen are very well-endowed. Quite the beasts in bed and know just how to please a woman…" She let out a sigh that transitioned into a soft moan, "It's been a while since I last had a tribesman as my client..."
"I think I'll be enough for you tonight," the Earth Kingdomer scoffed. "Besides, you're giving the man too much credit. Mr. Nearly-Forty-Years-Old-Virgin isn't into these kinds of services. I doubt he can even get it up, if you know what I mean."
"He's a virgin? How tragic. I wonder why. Is he that unfortunate in finding a lady? Or does he really have some sort of problem?" Crossing her arms, "But all the more reason you should've brought him with you. No man has ever left Love Motel unsatisfied. I never disappoint."
"Even if you were to stand naked before him, he won't even look you in the eye. He's deeply in love with a woman. Seems to be the loyal type."
Blinking, "Oh. Husband material, hm? Then what is he doing by not being with her?"
"She died for their country during the war, supposedly, many years ago. Turned into the moon or some shit like that."
"The moon?" the woman snickered but couldn't help looking up at the glowing crescent partially hidden behind the clouds. "I wonder how that works."
"Bizarre Avatar-related things. Story for another time."
"Was he the one who told you this?"
"Their entire people believe this, not just him. He claims he's a rational human being but still believes this shit. Apparently, he was there when it all happened."
Still laughing, "Oh wow."
"The guy's an absolute mess, I tell you. The first time I saw him, he was so drunk he could barely talk."
"I hear he's quite an intellectual."
"He is, no doubt about it, but he's ruining his life. I wanted to lift his spirits once, so I took him to a brothel in Ju Shun city. I thought maybe he'd relax. Instead, he threw things and yelled at me to get lost and come back home crying like a little bitch. You know, just a few months ago, he swallowed a whole container of sleeping pills. Probably wanted his soul to go straight to the moon."
The woman then stopped laughing, her amusement quickly turning into concern. "He attempted suicide?"
"Don't know how he survived. He ingested a lot. He's a crazy guy, I tell you. Pining for the moon, thinking an inanimate object would return his feelings? How idiotic."
"I think he must have really loved that woman," she said instead, her concern turning into pity.
"Love, schmove. He's a coward. Pro'lly thinks she'll haunt him if he moves on or something."
Chuckling dryly, "You wouldn't know, would you?"
"Like you'd know any better. You're nothing but a whore. Selling your body to every man you see. What do you know about loyalty?"
And she flashed him a look that teetered on the brink of disgust. "I see plenty of fuckboys like you day and night. Every day I see entitled imbeciles and man-whores betraying their ladies, coming to me for pleasure and thinking themselves worthy of the 'right to cheat,' but a man like the councilman rarely comes by. I might not demonstrate loyalty in every sense of the word, but I certainly know to respect someone who loves so genuinely."
Junjie glared.
"I wish the councilman finds the strength to move forward. That woman is very lucky to be loved so passionately by someone like him. Whichever world she's in."
Shards of shattered glass blitzed the ground instantly upon collision impact. Screams and agitated grunts broke the painfully dark and cloudy night. Sokka's vision, already greatly diminished in the dark, was blurry from the developing moisture in his eyes. He had no idea what he was throwing, but he kept on throwing things, yelling and huffing and wheezing. He was fully aware that he was acting like an angry teenager yet again and was in Ba Sing Se, of all places, but he found that he did not care in the midst of his rage and pain.
"Affair..." he grabbed hold of another bottle of spirits. "Affair, huh?" Grunting, he grabbed something else and flung it across the room. He didn't quite see what he threw, but he threw it in such force that the back door leading outside was yanked loose. Again, he didn't care.
"AFFAIR, HUH?!" He delivered a kick that only loosened the door completely and sent it flying among the high winds. Shoving the contents of the bottle of intoxicant down his throat, he stepped out into the open, watching the sky twist with the churn of the storm clouds.
Sokka was not necessarily upset about how the world thought of him. A million rumors were being spread each day about him, ranging from his professional life to his personal life. Some of the more outrageous gossips went as far as claiming the recent nonbender rebellions in the North "traced their inspirations" to the nonbending councilman, and such things, he came to deal with.
But they messed with Yue. His Yue. And that killed him.
"Ungrateful heathens, those ungrateful little...GAAH!" He closed his hand tightly around a small wine glass, and the force of his rage crushed the tender glass into pieces that pierced into his skin. He howled her name, glaring up at the sky through his tears, which dripped profusely down to the floor and mixed with his blood. The trees swayed frantically from the fierce winds that stung his skin, and thunder groaned, shaking the world in its fury.
"I CAN'T TAKE IT!" he yelled. "You see what they're saying about you, Yue?! They think you and I had an affair! An affair! Hah! You know how ridiculous that is?!"
His voice kept breaking. His strength wavered. His bloodshot eyes struggled to grapple with his rapidly falling tears. Their relationship was never fated to be an affair and he knew it. He knew she genuinely had feelings for him as he had for her. His chest churned in memory of the secret tears she shed and how they flooded his heart every time. He still remembered the hesitation in her eyes each time he tried to sink into their icy hues. He also knew exactly what the world demanded from her. No one else could be nearly half as brave as she had been.
"They don't know how pure you are," he said softly. "They don't understand. They'll never understand! Even if they were born a thousand times over, those imbeciles would never be able to understand your love for your people…"
The moon was faintly visible now as if it was peeking out from behind the blanket of darkness.
"They're saying you were...desperate…" He spat the word out with utmost disgust, raising his voice. They could've said he was the desperate one, and he would've suppressed his anger somehow. Again, they messed with his Yue. "They don't know you were desperate to save the world's balance. They don't know your worth! They could never hope to understand something so pure, so beyond what their peabrains would ever be able to handle!"
Flashes of lightning tackled the air but didn't dare to come near his raging form. The grass beneath his feet felt like needles, and the air hung heavily on his heaving form.
"That princess was special to him because she died. If she had been alive, he would have probably broken up with her and moved on."
"AAAGH!" He roared, throwing something made of glass, watching it shatter. "They think I love you more because you left me!" He chuckled in crazed irony and pain, fighting the urge to scream as loud as he could, "But they don't see that I'm basically a living corpse right now. I'm suffering without you, Yue, and they'd never know that!"
The glow of the moon wavered briefly upon him. The light seeped into his pores as if it trailed through him in place of blood.
"They're saying all these things about you...but of course you won't react to them. You'll just let them say anything they want about you. You were the one who cared so much about your people and gave up on being happy. You were willing to marry someone who saw you as an object of rank." A choked sob, "Why do you let the world step all over you and still have it eat out of your hands? Why won't you be selfish? What if there had been another way…?"
It hurt so much to wonder, to let his mind wander to the many different possibilities when they were no longer possible. He sank to his knees, disregarding the fact that his knees were pierced with the shards of glass. Blood spilled around his knees, staining his pants. "A princess who was married to her duty. But what if...what if you had married me, Yue?" He blinked, and more tears stained the ground, "I would have stood up for you. We could've been happy. We could've had a family, Yue. I would've grown old with you...I would've taken care of you..."
The thunder intensified to where it was constantly rumbling. Lightning grew more and more prominent. He clutched his chest and heaved broken breaths.
"Why did you have to go?" he wept. "Why did it have to be you, Yue?"
Before he knew it, the entire sky was turned against him, and the moon's tears became one with his own. The downpour soaked his being as the monsoons in his heart drowned him in agony.
He was dreaming of white silks and soft laughter before a soothing sensation on his forehead slowly eased him out of his dream. He stirred in annoyance, wanting to sink back into his dream, watching Yue's face fade away as the real world set in.
"No...no...don't go…"
"Councilman Sokka?"
His eyes jolted open at once, having sworn the voice belonged to Yue herself. He tried to shake the blurriness out of his vision, briefly able to see in the haze that it wasn't Yue who was standing beside him but a man, his water-coated hand on Sokka's forehead. In the approaching clarity of his dazed vision, he saw that this was a man he hadn't seen before. Or perhaps the visitor was a boy, for he looked young despite his beard.
"Mm?" Sokka mumbled in his disoriented daze, "Who…?"
"You're hurt, sir. I'm here to help."
The man's— boy's?— voice sounded different. A bit unusual in the way that it was familiar (the man himself held a very familiar air about him as well). Moreover, his voice sounded quite... feminine. Rubbing his eyes, the councilman sat up and looked around. The last time he checked, he'd been on the floor. The place had been a mess with glass shards all over, and he was pretty sure some of them had scraped his skin. Now he found himself in his bed, his hand and knee healed. And once his vision cleared a bit more, he cast a look at the man again.
"I'm a member of the Earth King's security personnel," the visitor introduced himself, his voice continuing to sound a tiny bit...unusual... "I also happen to be a healer. Avatar Aang sent me here to check on you. Since you don't have the habit of seeing women healers apart from your sister."
Brushing the observation away and rubbing his head, "I'll be fine. You can go now—"
"Councilman, please. I saw you bleeding and passed out on the floor. And you're hungover. You most definitely could be better."
But the man's protests flew past his head because all Sokka could think about was how this man had the same eye color as Yue's. Yue's eyes were unlike anyone else's on earth, so how did this man…? Sokka didn't understand and could only explain this phenomenon away as a hallucination.
But also, the man's hands were pale. Sokka wondered if he was getting carried away, projecting the Moon Spirit onto every single person, but the light complexion and baby blue eyes couldn't be mistaken for anything else. It was also interesting that the man was careful to not make eye contact with him when he saw how Sokka was looking at him in slight suspicion.
"Are you a tribesman?" Sokka asked him.
"Yes, sir."
"You must be part of the First Wave, then." By which he meant the first wave of male healers in the North. Sokka had worked with Arnook for a long time with regard to getting certain bills passed so the North could take progressive steps forward. Women were now allowed to fight and train without being seen as any less feminine, and men were now allowed to study healing without being viewed as being any less masculine. Conservative seeds still lingered, but for the most part, they were on largely-barren soil given the North's cultural and ideological revolutions following the war. "And you're part of the Earth King's personnel?"
"Yes." And with that, the man went back to what he was probably doing earlier— extracting the juice out of a few herbs.
"What's your name?"
After a brief pause, "Soma."
"Soma…" Sokka pondered the name for a moment, "Soma means ambrosia, doesn't it?" His eyes softened as he added, "It means moon, too. In the Kirkuqa dialect."
"My parents are devotees of Tui. They wanted to name me after the moon." And when he saw that the councilman was still looking at him funny, the man asked, "Any reason you're looking at me like that, sir?"
"You remind me a lot of someone."
The visitor blinked, stirring the medicinal concoction and bending it into a small cup, handing the same to the tribesman. "This is supposed to help with really bad hangovers. It's a bit bitter, so maybe—"
A grumbling Sokka swallowed the entire concoction without caring to listen, gagging and immediately regretting the action.
"I told you so," the man chuckled and offered Sokka some water. The Southern warrior kept looking at the visitor with scrutiny, and part of him kept trying to piece together who this tribesman could really be. One moment he seemed like a boy yet to hit puberty with his soft voice and youthful appearance, and the next moment, he looked like...like a woman. Even with his beard covering up half of his face. He held such distinctive features that fueled some kind of suspicion, and his unisex name didn't give away more details about who he really was, either; sure, he didn't have to identify strictly as a man or a woman, but he certainly did not walk like a man, and moreover, there was a sway in his step— cautious and poise— a gait that screamed Yue...and Sokka wasn't sure if he should listen to the pounding in his heart and the goosebumps trailing through his body or ignore these signs and admit that this was him projecting or hallucinating.
"Which part of the North are you from?" Sokka asked, his eyebrows raised. "And if you're part of the Earth King's personnel, why haven't I met you yet? I have connections with pretty much all the tribefolk who work for royalty around the world."
"I'm from the outskirts," came the vague reply, "and I'm new on the job. Maybe that's why we haven't met yet. I mean, I already know much about you, sir, who doesn't?"
"You know me?"
"Very well," Soma smiled a little, and the look in his Yue-like eyes was weary and worn with experience despite his youth. "I'm a big fan of yours, Councilman."
"Fan, eh?" Sokka set his water aside. "I might be stupid sometimes, but I'm not that stupid."
"I mean it. I've heard a lot about you. All good things, of course." The light in the man's familiar eyes dimmed, "I also heard that you grieve endlessly."
Sokka was quiet but had his gaze fixed out of the nearest window.
"I know we've barely met," Soma began, "and I also understand that this is a personal issue, but as an admirer of your accomplishments, I would hate to see you crumble over something you can't help, sir."
More silence followed even though Sokka would normally be annoyed when people preached to him about moving on. Perhaps it was because this man helped him out, or perhaps it was because he reminded him a lot of Yue for a reason he couldn't name. "Your first day on the job, and you're already hearing a lot about my personal life."
"It's no secret that you tried to end your life a couple of months ago, Councilman," Soma replied. "You've done so much. You helped end the war, and you're representing our people so well. So many people in the tribes are looking up to you, and you're over here contemplating suicide."
"What do you know?" Sokka frowned, his voice cracking. "It's so difficult to get the Goddess's blessing. Most days I just want to be taken away from here. From everything and everyone... I just...I just want to be with her. I want her to take me where she is."
"This isn't the right attitude," Soma shook his head, "Look around you. Are people grieving every day? Doesn't life go on at some point?"
"You'd know if you loved someone," Sokka said simply.
The visitor blinked at him. "I loved a guy once. Still do."
Looking at him, "You're not with him?"
Sighing, "Not in person."
"Did you forget him?"
"Obviously not."
"So wouldn't you be contradicting yourself?"
"I'm a different case."
Sokka snorted at the explanation. "That's some argument you have there."
Taking a deep breath, "I know that he cares about me still, and I get to see him often even if I can't express myself to him, but the woman you're in love with…" Soma got up and turned the other way, finding something to do as a distraction from making eye contact, "you can't see her. You don't know what she's feeling for you."
"I can see her in the sky," the warrior retorted and gestured to the moonlight and the crescent that exuded it with all grandiosity possible.
Soma took a long look at the moon from afar, almost as if studying it, and Sokka couldn't help but be drawn to those eyes, the way the moonlight blanketed them, the way those irises seemed to absorb the light, almost…like the way the Moon Spirit drew everything in the world towards her...Sokka shook his head, trying to sort out the image. This man wasn't Yue, what was he thinking?
"It's not the same, Councilman," Soma eventually said. "If there was somehow a chance you could see her, the two of you are separated by duties and realms, so the reunion you dream of...it wouldn't be possible." Another thoughtful pause before the man kept himself busy again, "But chances of you even seeing her are slim because if she calls herself a Moon Spirit, then she will act like one."
Sokka furrowed his eyebrows, clearly not interested in where the conversation was headed, but the man wasn't moved, continuing, "So come to terms with what happened, won't you? Live life to the fullest, crack your jokes, make love to a woman, do what you can to move on."
"'Cause sex is all that matters to people like you."
Soma was unfazed by the comment. "You cling to Princess Yue so much, but to this day, she hasn't come before you, did she?"
"She's been caring for me!" Sokka defended more loudly than he expected.
"But have you seen her?"
Flustered, disappointed, broken, "Okay, why are we even talking about my personal life right now? I don't even know you! You came to check on me, and you even healed me, so thanks for that, but please find your way out!" the councilman shoved aside the pelt curtains, letting the moonlight waft in and permeate the room.
Soma sighed at his condition. "I'll go, Councilman Sokka, but before I do, I have a question for you. Tribesman to tribesman."
And Sokka found that he couldn't even glare at the man in spite of his frustration.
"Why waste so much time and energy over someone who hasn't cared to visit you and speak to you directly all this time?" Soma asked. "Where is your pride? Why run after someone who has done nothing to ease your pain? Why even care about someone like that—?"
"Stop it!" Sokka hissed. "You don't know what she is going through! Those spirits could be preventing her from coming to see me! She could be lonely out there!" His eyes welled up with tears, "I don't remember a time when she's ever truly lived for herself. Everything she wanted, everyone she ever wanted, she just let go like that…"
"You act like you know her entire life," Soma pointed out, looking at him as if he was studying him, too. "Her childhood and everything."
"In just the short time I've known her, she always sacrificed even the smallest of joys—"
"Then you should know that it is always going to be this way," came the rather calm, rooted response. "She doesn't have a heart. She's not supposed to. I don't mean to break your heart even further by saying this. I'm only saying that as a goddess, she would no longer have a heart to give to anyone or forming relationships. She has no reason for doing anything for herself if she exists for the people, right—?"
"My Yue deserves the entire universe! She's a queen! She doesn't need to give up anything! She can have the world and she can have me! She's Tui! And it's for ungrateful people like you that she...she..." he trailed off, running out of breath from yelling so much.
"Tui, hm? Who knows if she really is." A dry huff beneath his breath, "Councilman, I'd rather be an ungrateful tribesperson than ruin my life over someone who hasn't cared to address my pain in years. I'm a person of pride."
"I'm a person of loyalty, mind you," Sokka snapped, glaring at the ground.
"Well if you're so loyal, and if you truly care about the princess, then you would spare her of the guilt of having you grieve for her so much. I'm saying this as a devotee of Tui myself. Take care."
It was then that he saw how the moonlight worked its magic on the visitor, particularly when the light hit his hand. Soma's hand glimmered in pure white for a split second before the visitor jammed his hands in the pockets of his parka. And the glow was so soothing and luminous. Almost like a second moon.
But the next moment, the visitor was gone, having stepped out of the room. Sokka jumped out of bed only to end up on the floor, his vision having blurred again. His head pounded from the onslaught of his headache.
"Hey!" he cried out, forcing himself up and stepping out into the corridor. "Hey, wait a minute! Your hand! Your hand, it was glowing! Wait!"
The visitor was already rounding the other end of the corridor, his gait relaxed, taking on a feminine rhythm, and to Sokka's surprise, the "man" had just then torn off what was actually a fake beard and mustache. The visitor's true face remained unseen as the wall blocked Sokka's view.
And Sokka's suspicions skyrocketed from there. "Yue?! Yue, is that you?!"
The floor of his apartment creaked with the force of his feet and the weight of his build, but it seemed that no matter how fast he went, the visitor was elusive. Just as he turned around the corner, she was nowhere to be seen. Out in front of him was just a cold gust of wind blowing through the pelt-curtains, moonlight shimmering against the walls that caught the councilman as he lost consciousness.
