The next morning, Leopardfur headed to Sasha's den as the sun was still rising. Birds chittered around her, singing with the dawn. The morning was cool, the dew not yet scorched from the grass.
It'll be a good day for hunting, Leopardfur told herself. And then Sasha can move on soon. The thought made her frown. She felt a prick of uncertainty and guilt. Is it fair to send her away? She wondered. Hawk and Moth couldn't be more than two moons old. There were many dangers beyond the Clan territories—would the kits survive?
That's not my problem, Leopardfur told herself, but she still felt unsettled.
She found Sasha sunning herself outside her den. The queen was stretched out on her side, eyes closed. Leopardfur stood at the edge of the clearing for a moment, not wanting to startle her. Sasha's pelt was sleek, recently groomed. It had a glossiness to it that Leopardfur hadn't noticed before. She looked soft, at peace, in a way that Leopardfur hadn't been in many ages.
"Mrrh?" Sasha's whiskers twitched, and she blinked open her eyes. She spotted Leopardfur quickly and lifted her head. For a heartbeat, she looked surprised. Then she smiled, her eyes twinkling with amusement. "Leopardfur?" she meowed. "How long were you standing there?"
Leopardfur averted her gaze, her ears burning with embarrassment. "I—I just got here."
Sasha flicked an ear. Slowly, she stood up, then stretched herself out luxuriously. "The kits are still asleep," she said. "They know to stay here while we're hunting."
Leopardfur frowned at the idea of leaving kits alone. "You're sure?" she asked.
Sasha nodded. "What else would I do? I can't watch them all the time, or I'd never have food for them."
Leopardfur glanced at the den. She felt incredibly minnow-brained at that moment. I've… never really thought about what a rogue has to do to raise her kits. "Do you always leave them alone?"
Sasha looked surprised by the question. "Well, I have to," she explained. She furrowed her brow. "I don't exactly have other options, Leopardfur."
Leopardfur shook her head. "Sorry…" she meowed. "I just didn't ever realize."
"Realize what?"
Leopardfur shrugged lamely. "In the Clans we have a lot of cats to care for kits," she meowed. "Even if there's only one parent. And the queens don't have to hunt while they're nursing."
Sasha's whiskers twitched. "Sounds like a life of luxury." There was a slight teasing note to her voice, but Leopardfur caught onto the hint of jealousy, too.
Leopardfur wanted to defend Clan life—repeat to her that it was hard work—but she couldn't. We work hard to take care of our weak, she thought. Rogues don't have anyone to take care of them. She shuffled her paws. I always thought their life was easy.
"Well?" Sasha prompted. "Are we hunting?"
"Yes," Leopardfur quickly replied. "Come on." She flicked her tail for Sasha to follow.
The pair padded out into the wooded area. Leopardfur observed Sasha as they walked. The queen kept her head up, her ears constantly shifting for signs of prey. She's got good instincts, Leopardfur thought. That'll help.
"Show me what you already know," Leopardfur meowed. She stopped and sat down, twitching her whiskers with interest. She had caught the scent of a squirrel, but she would wait to see if Sasha would notice it first.
Sasha nodded quietly. The queen tasted the air, her blue eyes lighting up as she too caught the scent of prey. She turned her gaze in the direction of the squirrel, and spotted it some distance away, rustling around in the undergrowth, searching for something to eat. She dropped into a crouch, her eyes fixed on the squirrel.
Leopardfur studied her form. She was surprised to see that it was a fairly good stance. Sasha's paws were tucked squarely underneath her body, her tail low but not brushing the ground. She's clearly picked up a few things, Leopardfur thought.
Sasha stalked towards the squirrel, her eyes narrowed. Her approach was slow and methodical. She was about two fox-lengths away when Leopardfur felt the wind shift. The squirrel stood up tall, instantly catching the scent of predators. Without making a sound, it whirled about and flew towards the nearest tree.
"Fox-dung!" Sasha cursed. She tried to pursue it, but it was up the trunk in a flash, out of reach.
"Unlucky," Leopardfur meowed. "The woods here are pretty thin. You have to be ready for the breeze to change and bring your scent with it."
Sasha sat down heavily and sighed. "Sorry," she meowed. "I practiced in thicker woods than this. The wind was never an issue."
Leopardfur frowned thoughtfully. Did she used to live over in ThunderClan territory? She wondered. Pushing the thought away, she padded towards Sasha. "Honestly, RiverClan doesn't do much ground hunting," she meowed. "We prefer to fish. But there's a few tricks that can make it easier."
Sasha glanced her way. "Such as?"
"You have to be faster about your approach," Leopardfur explained. "In dense forest, there's all sorts of things to step on. That's less of an issue here, but it's easier for prey to spot you or smell you before you get to them." As she explained, she realized that Sasha's hunting strategy did indeed remind her of ThunderClan. They probably chased her out, she thought. She must have been living there while TigerClan still existed.
Sasha looked thoughtful. "I guess that makes sense," she meowed.
Leopardfur flicked her tail. "Come on," she meowed. "Let's try and find something else."
It didn't take long for her to locate a robin tugging at a worm. Leopardfur crouched low and gestured for Sasha to do the same. Keeping her voice at a low whisper, she explained, "That bird will be distracted for a few moments. Now is a good time to charge and catch it."
Sasha nodded firmly. This time, as she approached, she kept her pawsteps light and quick. As she neared the bird, she put on a burst of speed and leaped, sailing through the air. The robin let out a shrill cry as Sasha pounced on top of it. Feathers flew as she sank her jaws into the bird, killing it.
"Well done!" Leopardfur purred. She felt a rare rush of pride. I remember when Whiteclaw caught his first prey, she thought. He was so proud. The memory was tinged with grief. He had died tragically in a skirmish on the edge of the gorge moons ago.
Sasha sat down to catch her breath for a few moments. "Thanks!" she breathed.
Leopardfur padded over to join her. "You do have good instincts," she meowed. "Who taught you to hunt? Your mother?"
"No," Sasha meowed. She hesitated, looking uncomfortable. "I had someone to show me a little. The kits' father, actually. He helped, for a while, before they were born." She looked away, her gaze darkening.
Leopardfur sat beside her. She glanced uncertainly at Sasha. She looks so sad, she thought. No, that's not it. She looks… guilty. She knew the look of shame better than any. Leopardfur nudged her with a paw. "Can I ask what happened to him?"
Sasha did not meet her eyes. "He died," she softly meowed. "He was killed."
Dozens more questions began to bubble in Leopardfur's mind. There was something mysterious about this queen. There was a strange sense of sadness about her, but shame, too. And she clearly has been taught how to hunt, Leopardfur thought. And seems used to hunting somewhere more like ThunderClan. Her tail flicked. She wasn't sure how Sasha would react if she kept prodding, but curiosity gnawed at her. "Was he part of ThunderClan?"
Sasha's eyes flashed with alarm, and Leopardfur immediately knew her assumption had been true. "I—" she broke off, and looked down at her paws. "How did you know?"
Leopardfur frowned. "You're not as sloppy a hunter as you think you are," she meowed. "You just hunt like you're from ThunderClan… or like someone from ThunderClan taught you to hunt. You said before you know some about the Clans. I think you know more than you've told me."
Sasha looked down at her paws. "Are you angry?" she quietly asked.
Angry? Leopardfur blinked. "I don't really care about ThunderClan affairs," she meowed. "I am curious about what you do know about us."
Sasha closed her eyes. "I do know more than I said before," she murmured. "I'm just afraid of what a Clan cat would think."
"Think about what?" Leopardfur asked.
Sasha lifted her head to meet Leopardfur's gaze, and she saw that her eyes were filled with pain. "My mate," she meowed, her voice hoarse. "My mate was Tigerstar."
Leopardfur recoiled in surprise. She felt like a branch had fallen from the sky and struck her in the face. Her heart immediately seized, her stomach churning. Oh, StarClan. It all began to make sense—the strange rogue appearing right after TigerClan's demise, Sasha's ThunderClan hunting skills, Hawk's familiar build…
Sasha leaped to her paws. "Leopardfur, please don't be angry!" she burst out. "You've been so kind to me, and I swear I didn't know how he was until later, and—" her voice broke off, and she stared at Leopardfur desperately. "What are you thinking?"
I think I might be sick, Leopardfur thought. She clenched her jaws. But what can I say? I was Tigerstar's ally for moons. She sank her claws into the grass. "I think we're more alike than I thought," she rasped.
Sasha blinked. "What?"
Leopardfur glanced at Sasha. "We were not in love," she meowed. "But I… how much did he ever tell you about TigerClan?"
Sasha's gaze was hesitant. She sat down again. "He never told me much," she murmured. "A little about how he was going to fix the Clans. He made me think he was brave… but I went to find him one night and I overheard him meeting with some cats." She winced at the memory. "BloodClan cats. I didn't realize he was with them, and the things they were talking about doing… It made me so sick and scared."
So he tricked her too, Leopardfur realized, her heart clenching with sympathy. She bowed her head. "I said I had done unforgivable things," she rasped. "I helped Tigerstar. I helped him to take over RiverClan and make TigerClan. I stood by while he did so many terrible things." Guilt washed over her all over again. I don't deserve friendship from anyone, she thought. I thought I could get it with Sasha… that's only because she didn't know about what I had done. "He led me to believe it was all for the common good, but… the things I did…" Leopardfur clenched her eyes shut. "I ruined the lives of so many cats."
Leopardfur felt a paw on her own, and she looked up. Sasha's gaze was sympathetic, without judgment. "I know what he was like," she murmured. "He was so charismatic and strong. That's what I loved about him. He…" her voice was tight. "He hid how much evil was inside him for a long time."
Leopardfur felt hot tears rising. "My Clan hates me," she blurted out. "Because of everything I've done. I can't make them understand—I can't make up for it. That's why I'm away from them right now. Because I've been a monster."
Sasha leaned closer and pressed her muzzle against Leopardfur's shoulder. "I don't hate you," she murmured. "I don't know what you did. All I know is that you're the kindest cat I've ever met."
Leopardfur wanted to laugh. Me? The idea was painfully hilarious. No one had ever called Leopardfur kind. Kindness didn't feed the Clan, or keep the borders safe, or train apprentices. She had never wasted time trying to be nice to everyone. "That can't be true," Leopardfur retorted.
"It is," Sasha meowed. She pulled away. "I spent time with BloodClan, Leopardfur. I've known very cruel cats. And cats who were afraid and selfish… and cats who just didn't care about others." She sighed.
BloodClan? Leopardfur stared at Sasha. Curiosity again pushed through her own grief. "You've been all over, haven't you?" she asked. "You sound like you've lived a very interesting life."
Sasha smiled, but there was still a sense of sadness to it. "I can tell you about it, if you'd like," she replied. "I haven't really had anyone to talk to since I left Tigerstar." Her whiskers twitched. "Besides my kits."
There was a dull prod in the back of Leopardfur's mind, reminding her that she had duties to RiverClan. That it was wrong to be spending so much time helping an outsider, let alone feeding her with RiverClan prey. She was meant to be hunting for her Clan. But the instinct was weak, and Leopardfur did want to know more about Sasha. "I'd like that."
Sasha wore a relieved smile. "I'm… glad we ran into each other, you know," she said. "It's not everyday you find a cat that can really understand what it was like to know him."
Leopardfur swallowed. There is something… relieving about it, I suppose, she thought. Was this why she kept being drawn back to the strange rogue? We're connected, somehow.
The pair found a sunny spot to rest. Sasha laid down on one side, her pelt glowing with warmth in the sun. Leopardfur sprawled out across from her.
"Oh, stars…" Sasha breathed. "Where to begin?" Her tail thumped on the ground. "I guess I should start with my human."
Human? Leopardfur felt her fur rise, but she did not interrupt.
Sasha clearly saw her reaction. Her whiskers twitched in amusement. "Yes, I know you Clan cats have strong feelings about kittypets," she meowed. "Tigerstar didn't like it when he found out I used to be one." She shrugged. "But it's true. I was born with humans and lived with a very old one for my first few seasons. There's not much to say about that time. My human disappeared one day, and I'm not sure what happened to her… but I had to leave my home or I was going to starve."
Leopardfur was silent. She felt innately uncomfortable. Sasha is a kittypet? She frowned deeply.
Sasha paused for a moment, her gaze clouded, like she was deep in her memories. "I ended up with BloodClan for a long time," she meowed. "Probably as long as I was with my human. That was the worst part of my life." She shut her eyes. "There aren't many options for cats in the town without humans. BloodClan spread as quickly as any other disease. You either were with them or you were dead. I had to give almost all the food I found to other cats in exchange for their protection." She spat out the word with contempt. "Cats killed each other over a mouse tail. I saw so many cats die." Sasha shuddered. "Every day I thought I would die, too."
Leopardfur felt a stab of pity. She knew very little about BloodClan—but she believed that it was a cruel place. They were so excited when Blackclaw fought to his death, she remembered, her belly churning. I wonder if there are others that hated it as much as Sasha.
"I eventually fled the town and came to the forest," Sasha meowed. "I ran into some foxes, and that's when I met Tigerstar. We fought them off together, and we started seeing each other a lot." Her voice softened. "Back then I had no idea what he was like. He seemed strong and passionate… I fell for him so easily."
"He was always asking me about BloodClan," Sasha went on. Her expression fell again. "I thought he was just interested in me and my life. He seemed so sympathetic, and he was always comforting me…" She winced. "Now I think he was just getting information out of me. I was such a mouse-brain. I only realized when I went out to see him that night and found him meeting with Bone. They talked about exterminating all these cats… and the look in his eyes…" her voice trailed off. "I was going to tell him that I was expecting kits. I never saw him again. I heard from another rogue that he was killed by BloodClan."
Leopardfur felt a storm of emotions. The idea of Tigerstar manipulating yet another cat made her sick to her stomach—and so angry—but she also felt a sharp, bitter sense of pity for Sasha. She didn't want to pry about the details with BloodClan—she was sure they were not pretty—but now more than ever she understood how Sasha's life certainly had not been easy.
Sasha bowed her head. "I lost one of my kits," she rasped. "Not long after they were walking. They snuck away when I was hunting, and…" her voice became choked with grief.
"You don't have to keep going," Leopardfur quickly murmured, feeling a sharp stab of pity. I thought rogues and kittypets had it so easy, she thought. She sounds like she's suffered so much. Leopardfur sank her claws into the soil, gripped by a sudden, fierce sense of indignation. How could the world be so cruel to a lone queen? I want to protect you, Leopardfur thought, surprised by herself. You don't deserve more hurt.
"It's just been so hard," Sasha breathed. Her eyes pooled with grief. "I went to a barn for a while when the kits were first born, but the other queens there and their kits bullied us out." She flattened her ears. "I just want to keep them safe."
Oh, Sasha… Leopardfur shifted her tail so she could brush it against Sasha's flank. "You've been through so much," she murmured. "I had no idea."
Sasha smiled softly. "We've hardly known each other," she pointed out.
I want to know you. Leopardfur thought. She didn't know how to say it. Everything about this was wrong, so wrong, but with every passing moment she found herself caring less.
Sasha sat up suddenly. "I should bring this back to my kits," she meowed. "Thank you for showing me how to hunt."
Leopardfur sat up, but didn't reply. She couldn't find the words. She nodded quietly, and watched as Sasha dipped her head and padded away. She felt a tug in her paws and her heart, urging her to follow, but she ignored the feeling.
I've hardly known you, she thought. But it feels like you're my only friend.
