What… time was it…?

Why… was I sitting here…?

The night's chill caused shivers to run throughout my body. They would be the only movement, too; had no desire within me to stand up. To start moving.

I just… sat there. On the steps leading to the front doors. Watching the lifeless street in front of me. Occasionally, I would raise a hand in front of my face, try to flex or move my fingers.

"…Still nothing…"

Nothing…

From my hands.

From the streets.

…From my mind.

There was simply… nothing…

Sitting there, a part of me wanted to think of things optimistically. But I wouldn't lie to myself anymore. Couldn't lie to myself anymore.

I'd promised Caster, after all. Even if it was only once he was gone, and I was on my own again. I promised, and I would keep it.

One unwilling to put their all on the line had no place stepping onto the field of battle.

That's how I knew, deep down…

No matter how much I tried. No matter how many times I went to check.

My hands… were gone…

I had put it all on the line…

And I had lost.

I… had failed…

Regardless of how the kids did, the alliance was over. I had failed to uphold my end of the agreement. I had no business, being here. No right, to be here.

So why… was I still here…?

"I-"

Why won't I move…?

"I can't- I-I don't-"

Why am I always failing at the simplest of things?

"H-… Help-"

"Nathan!"

His shout caught my attention. Running towards me now was Johnathan. When he'd gotten so close, I… I couldn't… recall. But he was there. And he looked… happy…

Sortiara was with him, I could see that now. She looked more… surprised… rather than happy. But even she picked up her pace once Johnathan took off into a sprint.

"You're alive! Your plan, man! Holy crap, your plan worked" Johnathan was practically bouncing up and down in front of me now. "That's Rider and Archer down! Now all that's left is-"

"Geez! Don't rush off ahead of me like that" Sortiara huffed, whacking Johnathan in the arm as she came up behind him.

"Ow! The hell's your problem?!"

"You're my problem! You're always my problem!"

"That's not true at all!"

"Oh yeah?! Don't even-"

Seeing them standing in front of me, arguing like this… I felt… relieved. They were both ok. They were both alive. They even managed to take out Archer…

Good…

That was… good…

Tonight… was not a complete waste…

Where I fell, my-… My… teammates… managed to push forward. Push onward.

As they always have.

"-an!"

The sound of fingers snapping brought me back to attention, where a hand rapidly waving in front of my face came into focus.

"Hey, what you doing zoning out on us for, man" Johnathan complained, though it sounded more like a joke than anything. "Your plan worked! You should be celebrating too!"

"Heh" I couldn't help but laugh slightly. "Well, to an extent, it worked, yes…"

"What are you talking about? It worked like a charm! Look! The three of us, all here, without so much as a scratch!"

"Johnathan, that's-" Sortiara tried to cut in, a look of realization slowly beginning to form.

"What? I mean, he doesn't look injured!"

"That's-"

"Since when I have even been exactly as what you see with your eyes" I asked him, attempting a slight smirk.

Even I could tell it wasn't convincing, though.

"Hmm? Oh, you've used your command spells" Johnathan noted, looking at the dangling hand I raised. "So? They're meant to-… To…"

Ah, so the gears could still turn up there, even in the emotional high… Good to know.

"I went even with them" I continued to try and give off a smile. "A problem with that though: once you're behind, going even only continues to leave you behind…"

"But then… How-"

"Am I still alive" I finished his though. "Came down to how they were used. Rider offered Caster a choice: my life, for my command spells and his. Caster… Caster agreed, but I couldn't bring myself to… to force him to do it. So, with my remaining command spells, I ordered him to find his victory condition, and achieve victory however he deemed fit."

"And this… was his answer" Sortiara asked, sounding surprised.

Not that I could blame her.

"This was his answer" I nodded in confirmation. "My survival… was his victory condition…"

"I see… but that doesn't explain-"

"The priest letting me live as well?"

"Well… yeah."

"That's because he didn't have a choice. He used two of his command spells to give Rider enough magical energy to keep that… whatever that was… going. That reality marble thing, or whatever. By the time Rider cut a deal with Caster, he only had one left, and, according to Rider, he would have need all three to kill me there."

"Um… why was that" Johnathan asked.

"Because, according to Rider… One would be needed to kill me, the second would be needed so that Rider didn't kill him, and a third would be needed so that Rider didn't kill himself."

I couldn't help but laugh at the shocked faces of the kids.

"So yeah, guess the priest wants his hands on the grail more than he wants his hands around my neck" I continued to laugh. "Who'd have guessed that, eh?"

"I mean… That's… Well…"

"But yeah" I sighed. "While I survived, Caster is gone, and Rider… Rider's still out there, and the priest still has one command spell left. Sorry, but… dealing with Rider will fall onto you two."

Silence took hold over the night as neither of the kids spoke.

"Still" I finally spoke up again, before the silence grew too long. "I am glad to see both of you are alive."

"How did you lose though?!"

Johnathan's outburst caught me off guard.

"You- You're Yaldabaoth! The God of Control! You had an army, and everything! There's no way you should have lost!"

"Your faith in me to beat a legendary leader from history in something he has legitimate experience in is… touching" I admitted with a slight smile.

Even though, when you think about it, I heavily cheated with that dragon…

"But it is as you said" I continued. "I was Yaldabaoth: God of Control. Give me something to control, and I'm fine. The moment I can no longer control things, however…"

I raised my arm as high as I could, my hand dangling limply.

"I'm not much of anything" I laughed with what even I could tell was a tinge of bitterness. "Quite below average, honestly."

Sortiara seemed perplexed by it all, but this was something Johnathan seemed to grasp more or less immediately, the moment I fell silent.

"Your hands-"

"Yes."

"They're-"

"Yeah."

"But it might not be-"

"Perhaps."

A lie, in a likelihood, but I understood that. Knew that. Lying to him about this, then, was no issue at all.

"What are you two talking about" Sortiara cut in. "What about his hands?"

"…They're gone" was all Johnathan responded with, the look on his face making it seem like someone had killed his pet right in front of him.

"Gone? What do you mean gone? They're right there" Sortiara pointed out. "Don't tell me you can't even see what's directly in front of your face!"

"Don't think that's what he means" I smirked as I turned my attention to her. "Go on, think about it for a moment."

"I'm not playing-"

"Come on, humor me. Just this once…"

Sortiara fell silent at that, her gaze shifting from me, to my dangling hand, and back to me. This happened a few times, and I could see the gears slowly turning, ruling things out until she finally reached the correct conclusion.

"…Oh…" Was all she managed to mutter before falling silent herself, looking embarrassed.


A/N

And this took me far longer to get out than I'd wished... Wasn't even because this was a long bit to write; just been so busy lately I had no time to write!

Anyways, as of this post, there really isn't much left to go. I'm thinking *maybe* 20 more posts, at the VERY most.

Again, sorry for taking so long to get this bit here out, and thank you all for being so patient.