It took two days for Leopardfur to recover enough to hunt. Worry gripped at her in every waking moment, but Sasha watched her like a hawk, insistent that she rest.
In truth, worries aside, rest was… nice. It had been so long since Leopardfur had been able to. There had been nothing restful about hiding from the anger of her Clanmates in her den. Here, she had the company of a kind queen and two energetic kits.
Leopardfur woke after a nap on the third day in Sasha's densite. Sasha was asleep herself, stretched out in the sun. Her two kits were curled up beside her, their sides gently rising and falling.
She smiled softly. As hard as it is to be a rogue… it's peaceful, too. Leopardfur felt a growing fondness for the family. Hawk remained as inquisitive as ever, and even shy Moth was becoming friendly.
Leopardfur's smile fell. I'll have to leave them, though… if RiverClan will take me back.
She stood up slowly, testing each limb. She was stiff, certainly, but she didn't feel her wounds reopening. There was a bit of a sting in her hind leg, but her pain had lessened significantly.
I need to hunt, she decided. I can't put it off any longer. Anxiety spiked her fur. I hope they won't hold it against me. Leopardfur shook her head. Timberfur would have my pelt if I thought like that. A hunter puts aside all worry. She quietly padded away from the nest, heading towards the forest.
"...Leopardfur?"
She paused and glanced behind her. Sasha had lifted her head. "Are… are you leaving?"
Leopardfur's ears grew warm. "I was just going for a little while," she replied. "Unless you… wanted me to leave, of course. My wounds are much better."
"No…" Sasha murmured, her eyes falling closed again. "Come back."
Leopardfur smiled softly. "Okay." Some of the tension in her chest released. It felt good to be wanted somewhere. "See you later."
She padded off into the forest, alone for the first time in a few sunrises. Leopardfur's limbs were stiff, but she padded on, knowing it would only worsen if she sat still.
For as sore as Leopardfur was, it did feel good to be on her paws again. She tasted the air as she stalked through the territory. She heard a robin trill nearby, and spotted it quickly. The bird landed on the ground not far off, picking through the leaf litter for small twigs.
Leopardfur crouched, wincing slightly. Refusing to allow her pain to stop her, she charged, racing for the bird. Before it could flap away, she pounced and killed it.
Good, she thought. Now I just hope they'll actually be there. With her prey caught, she felt a flash of worry that her Clan may have given up on her. I haven't shown up in a few days, Leopardfur thought. Her stomach clenched. What if that's all they need to keep me out forever?
Leopardfur waited in the copse for what felt like seasons. She paced anxiously, her tail flicking. The scent of RiverClan was stale, from the day before.
Her heart could have soared out of her chest in relief as she saw the ferns finally stir. The relief was short-lived. Leopardfur knew whoever came to see her would not be happy or kind.
Leopardfur felt a flash of surprise as she recognized Graypool padding towards her. The elder was frailer than she recalled, but there was still a familiar spark in her eyes.
"Ah," Graypool rasped. "So you are back."
Leopardfur nodded, her throat dry. "Yes," she murmured, nudging the robin closer with her nose. "I… please give Firestar my apologies."
"He said you were hurt in a fight," Graypool said. "You look it, too." The old queen padded closer, her gaze dark with concern. "Are you well, Leopardfur?"
Am I well? Leopardfur didn't know how to reply. "I'm healing," she said. "And I will not miss another hunt, I promise."
Graypool made a small sound of acknowledgement, but she seemed unconvinced. "That's not really what I was asking," she meowed. "Are you… are you eating enough?"
Leopardfur averted her eyes, not wanting to hold the elder's prying gaze anymore. "I'm fine," she muttered. Why are you doing this? Just take the prey and go.
Graypool's paw reached out slowly and touched Leopardfur's. "Leopardfur," she meowed, her voice soft. "Don't waste your life."
Leopardfur felt a jolt at the contact. She couldn't remember the last time a Clanmate had willingly touched her. She lifted her gaze and found nothing but sadness in Graypool's eyes.
"Why are you doing this?" Leopardfur rasped. "I…" I'm a terrible cat. Her jaws felt stuck together with honey. I let cats die. I let RiverClan be taken over. I… Crookedstar's frail body flashed through her mind, wracking her with shame. "I killed Crookedstar. He was your friend. Your sister's mate." You should hate me.
Graypool sighed. "I'm too old to die bearing grudges," the elder replied, her mew quiet. "I know you, Leopardfur. You were always a bright young cat and a dedicated warrior. I don't know why you strayed so far… but RiverClan can't afford to lose a cat like you."
Leopardfur was silent, choked with emotion. She averted her gaze again, filled with guilt and self-disgust. I don't deserve any kindness, she thought. Not from my Clan.
Graypool leaned forward and touched her nose to Leopardfur's cheek. "I forgive you," she murmured.
Leopardfur didn't lift her gaze. She couldn't speak. Graypool pulled away and picked up the fresh-kill. Quietly, she trudged back the way she'd come.
Leopardfur felt tears dripping to her paws. She can't have meant it. She can't. She sank her claws into the grass. Crookedstar was her friend. He was our leader. I betrayed him. I—
"Who was that?"
The young voice made Leopardfur leap to her paws in shock. She whipped around to find Hawk padding forward happily, his tail lifted. "Hawk!" she hissed. "What are you doing here?"
Hawk kneaded his paws eagerly. "I wanted to see you hunt," he meowed. "Mama won't let me hunt yet. Who was that cat? Why are you so sad?"
Leopardfur hastily drew a paw across her muzzle. "I'm not—that's none of your business! Hasn't Sasha warned you about wandering around this area? The cats that live here… they won't take kindly to you tramping around!"
Hawk tilted his head to the side. "Yeah, Mama said they're Clan cats. But aren't you a Clan cat? It doesn't make sense why they'd be bad if you're not."
Kits! Leopardfur inhaled sharply. She darted towards Hawk and nudged him with her muzzle. "We need to get out of here," she hissed. "Clan cats attack outsiders, Hawk! You put yourself in danger by following me."
Unfazed, Hawk bounded away from her. "Come on!" he meowed. "I wonder if Mama found more food."
StarClan help me! Leopardfur thought, gritting her teeth. Her heart was pounding as she ushered him along. What would RiverClan say if they saw her with a rogue kit? Worse—what would they do to him? To Sasha? It was lucky enough that the queen hadn't been caught yet.
A worrying thought came to her. What happens when they do find her? Leopardfur knew it could only be a matter of time, especially if Hawk and Moth were getting bold enough to adventure outside of their densite. The scent of the rogues would only grow stronger the longer they stayed, and once RiverClan was fully recovered from the war, she was sure they would work harder to check the full breadth of the territory.
Sasha couldn't stay in RiverClan territory forever. Where will she go? Leopardfur cast a worried glance towards Hawk, who remained oblivious to the trouble he had nearly run into. What about the kits? The lack of answer unsettled her deeply.
"Hawk!" Sasha's relieved yowl rang out as Leopardfur followed him into her camp. She bounded towards the kit, her eyes wide with relief. She pulled him close before looking up to Leopardfur. "Why on earth would you take him with you?"
Leopardfur snorted. "I did no such thing," she retorted. "He followed me. I didn't realize until I was done hunting."
Sasha turned her gaze back to her kit, her eyes blazing. "What have I told you about sneaking off?" she demanded. "It's not safe for you, Hawk!"
Hawk pushed himself free from her grasp, his small tail lashing. "I was fine!" he said. "Nobody came and got me."
Moth crept towards him, her eyes wide. "I thought you went away forever," she murmured.
"You had us worried sick," Sasha growled. "Go in the den and stay there."
Hawk scowled and stormed off. Moth padded after him dutifully as though she had been ordered to follow. Leopardfur watched them, then sighed. "Don't be too hard on him," she meowed. "It must be hard staying alone in the woods."
"Don't tell me how to raise him," Sasha snapped, surprising Leopardfur. Her tail was lashing, her gaze a storm of anger and grief. "I won't lose another kit."
Leopardfur's heart clenched. Oh, Sasha… I completely forgot. "I'm sorry," she quickly replied. "That was minnow-brained. Of course you're upset." She padded closer and touched her muzzle to Sasha's cheek. "He's okay, though. A pawful, but alive and well."
Surprising Leopardfur again, Sasha leaned into her, nearly slumping over into her side. "It's so hard," she rasped. "No one ever tells you how hard it is."
Leopardfur stiffened at first. She took a breath and sat down, allowing Sasha to lean against her.
Sasha's eyes were closed tight. "I can't lose another one," she whispered. "Leopardfur, I don't know what I'll do. They're all I have."
Leopardfur curled her tail tight around Sasha, her heart beating harder than it ought to. "I won't let that happen," she said. "I promise you, Sasha."
"You can't promise me that," Sasha hissed, her head bowed. "You won't be a rogue forever, Leopardfur. You'll go back to your Clan and we'll have to move on."
Leopardfur sank her claws into the earth. It's not fair. Sasha had been through enough in her life. And yet, Leopardfur knew she was right. StarClan willing, she would return to RiverClan… and they would be enemies again.
Unless… Leopardfur hardly dared to think it. Why can't she come back with me? It was strange coming from her own mind, and yet… it felt right. Why couldn't Sasha come to RiverClan?
"We'll see," Leopardfur murmured. "But while I'm here, I swear I will protect your kits as though they were my Clanmates." There was no reason to mention her idea, not yet—she had no clue if RiverClan would even accept the queen.
Sasha glanced at her. "Thank you," she said. Her gaze was trusting and warm.
Leopardfur held her gaze for what felt like too long. She broke the stare and looked down at her paws. Her pelt felt warm.
I can't. She pulled her tail away. "You should see Hawk," she meowed. "And rest."
Sasha nodded silently and pulled away. She headed for the den. Leopardfur watched her go, her throat tight. She wasn't some minnow-brained apprentice or a fool in denial. She could feel the tug in her heart to follow. I can't, she told herself, again. She couldn't dare go padding after a rogue queen—not when she didn't know what the future held—not when she knew she didn't deserve love, not again.
Leopardfur crouched down and closed her eyes. I'll do what I can to protect you, at least, she silently swore. That much you deserve.
