A Promising Young SeeD

Chapter 3

Futuristic Casket


"As such, we acknowledge that the use of Guardian Forces may have been a shortsighted mistake. The research, initially, was unclear on the side effects of their use. Had we known about the effects on memory, we never would have authorized their use among SeeD. I, along with the rest of Garden faculty, assure you that once we realized they were causing memory loss, use of Guardian Forces was immediately halted."

Cid Kramer spoke from a podium as most of Garden watched on the television. He was speaking from his office, bright lights illuminating the otherwise dark space. Wearing his sweater vest, make-up done, he looked like an assuming, non-threatening uncle of sorts.

SeeD, along with the rest of the world, were learning the new protocols to be put into place now that GFs were going to be decommissioned. Next to Cid were two looming, imposing Garden faculty members, in their robes that harked back to the days of NORG. Standing like silent sentinels. As well as the new chief physician for Garden, Dr. Sanford.

"Where is Kadowaki?" Selphie whispered to Quistis as they watched the television.

"Nothing is fun anymore."

"Didn't you hear? She retired." Quistis smiled at her friend reassuringly, folding her arms in front of her as she watched the announcement on the large screen in the cafeteria. Even Quistis was in the dark about Cid's worldwide television announcement. She wasn't even sure if Squall knew, for that matter. It was a surprise to all of them.

Selphie tilted her head to the side, in the adorable puppy-dog fashion she often did. "Really? I didn't think Kadowaki was that old, but, good for her!"

"She served Garden for a long time… Oh, Cid is about to make his big announcement." Quistis gestured back to the television as the cafeteria grew eerily quiet.

Squall was standing nearby, noticeably though understandably silent, a stony expression on his face. Next to him, Rinoa's eyes narrowed.

All eyes turned their attention to the television screen.

"While halting use of Guardian Forces has led to the recovery of long-term memory, there are still some issues with short-term memory loss. We have also noticed some withdrawal like effects in some students. To alleviate these effects, Garden scientists have developed a miracle drug!"

Irvine tipped his hat. "Did you know about this, Q?"

She shook her head. Miracle drug? What Cid said was accurate; the process of getting the GFs out of the brain after years of use was insanely painful. So painful, in fact, that many students refused to do it. Nightmares. False memories. Real memories. Sweating. It wasn't worth having the memories back if it meant having to deal with the pain of getting the GF to relinquish its hold on the brain. If a medication could alleviate that…

"Be reassured that this drug has been well-researched and is perfectly safe for use. Clinical trials have been an overwhelming success and we will implement it's use in Garden immediately."

The side effects tended to be worse the longer a GF had been junctioned, and the more magic used, so results were disproportionate among GF users.

Most of the SeeDs she knew had not fully gone through the detox process of removing their GFs because of the discomfort. Herself included. While she had stopped using magic, she hadn't released the GFs from deep inside her mind. They hadn't really needed them since the Second Sorceress War.

"A drug, Quisty?" Selphie looked at her, concern etched on her face.

"I trust the Headmaster. This is good news," Quistis said with full confidence.

"It's not like before."

"What do you mean?"

"It's not the same. I need to dig out… it's swallowing me."

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The infirmary of Garden was a familiar place for pretty much every SeeD at one point in their career. For some more than most. It didn't feel as familiar without Dr. Kadowaki's calm, kind-yet-firm presence, but Dr. Sanford was pleasant enough. A man in his late thirties, non-threatening and non-descript, with wire rimmed glasses and brown dull hair that was balding slightly.

Quistis stretched out her fingers, trying to get the pins and needles out. She felt like she had held her arm in place for ages on the blue leather, a nearly-shaking medic SeeD too nervous to place the IV in the arm of the famous, illustrious Quistis Trepe. She was hooked up to a bag of saline that had been flowing in and it was making her need to pee. The doctor had yet to start the infusion.

To her left Selphie was also hooked up to the fluid. Quistis cast her an encouraging smile.

The saline was making her feel cold and leaving a salty taste in her mouth.

"Alright, you will likely feel sleepy with this." Dr. Sanford's voice was reassuring, with the faintest of accents. Was he Esthari?

Quistis was the type of person who liked to watch when people were doing things to her body medically. Never one to turn away when blood was drawn or stitches placed. So she watched with rapt attention as he tapped a glass vial to ensure there were no bubbles, and then inserted a plastic catheter into it. She watched as the amber liquid filled the tubing. She watched as he piggybacked the tubing onto her IV. She watched as the liquid heading towards her arm went from clear, to a light brown as the saline mixed with the medicine that was heading towards her. She watched as it got closer and closer.

"I think I've died a million times."

"What?"

"I'm going to rule the world when I'm done."

For a moment, she hesitated. Was this a mistake? Was the withdrawal from GF use really that bad? Maybe she could handle it. She knew that the detox was necessary, but apparently the medication was also supposed to help with the memory loss.

Zell had detoxed just fine without the medication. So had Irvine. But then again, Zell never used GFs that much.

She looked over and met Selphie's green eyes. Selphie was staring straight through her. Like she wasn't even in the room. And she realized that Selphie was somewhere else completely, just before medication entered her blood stream.

Then, everything became hazy.

"Nothing is fun anymore."

That was the only thing she remembered of her treatments. The look in Selphie's eyes before nothing made sense anymore.

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It was far too late for someone to be knocking on her door. Quistis glanced at her bedside clock. Three in the morning. Whoever was knocking was not only breaking curfew, but also seriously irritating her. It wasn't like she was asleep. She dreaded sleep now. But that was beside the point.

"Are you okay?"

"Everyone is on something here. It doesn't matter. Nothing matters. Cut it up."

Opening the door with a huff, she was immediately met with a strong smell of alcohol. A distillery was apparently on the other side of the door.

One with blood-shot blue eyes, and blonde hair matted with sweat.

"Zell?"

"Hey," Zell slurred out. He was wasted. Beyond wasted. Obliterated.

"Holy sh—Zell? Get in here, if you're caught like this after curfew—"

Quistis tugged his arm to pull him into her dorm. She didn't put much force behind it, and Zell tumbled into her doorway, falling flat on his face. He probably was going to collapse in a heap one way or the other without her assistance.

From the ground he just started laughing, like the fall was the funniest thing that had ever happened to him.

"Hyne, Zell. You're completely drunk. And you don't drink!"

Zell rolled onto his back and stared up at her, a stupid grin on his face. But it didn't reach his eyes. His tired, bleary eyes. "I guess I do now." He gave her a thumbs up.

Pinching the bridge of her nose, Quistis went to her small personal bathroom to retrieve some aspirin and a glass of water.

"Apparently you drink now too…" Zell mumbled with a faint hiccup. He was on hands and knees now, crawling so he could grab the bottle of vodka from her table with unsteady hands.

"Zell, stop! Where's Laney?"

Surely he should be drunk in the Library Girl's room. Why was he in Quistis' dorm like this? This wasn't her problem to deal with.

Zell shook his head, placing the vodka to his lips and taking a large swig, extra liquid trickling from the corner of his mouth and dropping onto his sweat-dampened shirt. "Broke up. Don't see eye to eye anymore."

His words were said with no malice, but Quistis knew what he wasn't saying. That Zell and Laney had completely different beliefs on what happened in the incident.

There was no recovery from that type of disagreement.

Zell went for another swig of her expensive vodka, and Quistis snatched the bottle from him, pouring a small amount into a shot glass for herself. "I'm sorry to hear that."

She wasn't really. Zell had always been too good for the Library Girl. And besides, she wanted no business with someone who felt the way Laney did. They didn't understand. There was no way it was their fault. She never would have…

If it was anyone's fault, it was Quistis'. She was the one who had said…

"Nothing is fun anymore."

Quistis shook her head, willing the voice away.

Zell had migrated from the floor to her bed, where he was burying his head in her pillow. "Don't make me wake up, Quisty. I don't want to wake up anymore…"

He was snoring in seconds. There would be no moving him, so she supposed she was stuck until morning.

Zell never wanted to be awake anymore. Funny. She never wanted to be asleep. They both had their demons from the incident. Both had their ways of dealing with it.

Pouring herself one more shot, she quickly swallowed it, allowing the liquor to burn her throat. Punishment. Eventually she slid into the bed next to Zell, trapped between his warm body and the wall. She fell asleep, and for the first time in a few weeks, she thankfully didn't dream.

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"The incident that took place in Deling City by no means reflects the values of Garden as a whole."

The tapping of the chair on the ground next to her was starting to grate on Quistis' nerves as much as the words that were spilling out of Cid's mouth. He was giving an official speech in the quad, cameras everywhere.

The senior SeeDs and faculty were sitting on folding chairs at the front, like the loyal little subjects they were, acting as if they endorsed his words, while the rest of them stood, watching, listening, hanging-on to what he said.

Because, if what Cid said was true, there was nothing to worry about. So, it had to be true.

It had to be.

"The incident was an unfortunate event and at the fault of the person involved. It was non-Garden sanctioned and unrelated to our successful efforts at eliminating the use of Guardian Forces. It did not happen on Garden premises, and the person involved was not representing Garden at the time. They acted unprofessionally and made choices that led to this entire unfortunate incident. Worry not, the persons involved have been appropriately punished. While what happened to the SeeD involved was regrettable, we do promise that both local authorities as well as Garden have ensured that all persons were caught and arrested. Dr. Sanford will now discuss the overwhelming positive effect and success of the program."

Zell continued to rock in his chair next to her, the corner of his thumb in his mouth as he chewed at a loose cuticle. Quistis was about to snap at him when she paused to take in his appearance. Zell looked tired, his eyes sunken in, like he hadn't eaten or worked out in the past two weeks. His nails were all bitten down to the cuticle. It was unlike him; usually he kept his hands pristine, minus all the callouses on his knuckles and palms. The man even got professional manicures. He took pride in his appearance. But his hair was dull and greasy, hanging in his face and without product. He hadn't even bothered to don his uniform, which he normally wore proudly and crisply. Instead, he appeared to have rolled out of bed, in a pair of exercise shorts and a worn, moth-eaten t-shirt.

"Zell…"

It was at that moment that clapping began, as Dr Sanford had finished his presentation on the successful elimination of GFs from both Garden and SeeD. The applause was thundering, and Zell stood abruptly, his chair skidding back.

"Bullshit—"

It was said so quietly, Quistis barely heard it. But she did. And then Zell was gone from the Quad before she could say anything else.

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It was a beautiful spring day in the Quad. Warm air was breezing in from Balamb's harbor. It was still cool enough to wear a light jacket, but the sun shone and flowers were emerging in the grasses, grateful that winter was finally over.

It called for a picnic.

Quistis was feeling good. After multiple infusions, she no longer felt the presence of GFs inside her brain, and more importantly, she no longer missed them. As promised by Dr. Sanford, after the first few infusions, the side effects wore off. Now during the infusions, the only reason she even realized it was happening was the catheter in her arm. She could do work doing the sessions, the brain fog completely gone.

The program had been an overwhelming success.

Zell had opted out, even though it had been suggested that he do a treatment or two after his self-detox. He had never used GFs much anyway, since he was a tank at heart. He had never really found a GF that he could share his brain space with. Quistis always thought that maybe it was the GF that didn't want to be in Zell's brain, and not the other way around. Zell's processes were always so chaotic and mumbled, and his hyperactivity betrayed a brain that must never shut off. Ever since his days as a student. It must be an exhausting space. Even for a GF.

Getting his memories back turned out to be a relatively easy process. He stopped using the GFs right after the Sorceress War and within about six months, recollections of the past began to return. That had been a few years ago now. He had confessed quietly to Selphie that the first few weeks of not using the GFs had been rather uncomfortable.

"Where are you, you aren't making any sense!"

"You wouldn't understand, you feel nothing inside."

Nightmares, cold-sweats, sometimes hallucinations, trouble distinguishing reality from imagination. Weight loss, too… But, those symptoms were extreme for only a few days. And Zell was tough.

Selphie had confided that to Quistis. Quistis had confided it to Cid.

Then the drugs came. It relieved the SeeDs of the uncomfortable process of getting rid of GFs.

The longer the GF use, and the stronger the GF, the worse the side effects of withdrawal. The drugs were a game-changer. A savior.

Quistis had been using GFs for nearly a decade, so it was a necessity for her. Selphie had often been junctioned with Eden. Getting Eden out required more doses and longer therapy. Just like Quistis had required.

Squall had remained silent on the entire subject, though he had undergone the process himself. He had not disclosed any details. As was Squall's normal modus operandi. Irvine had opted out as well, since he had barely used GFs, only some during the war. But, even then, he never had a knack for magic, similar to Zell.

Rinoa had natural magic and had only used GFs briefly, so she'd stopped using them and had almost no side effects.

"So, Quisty, what's Garden's plan?" Selphie's voice snapped Quistis out of her thoughts and back to the picnic.

"Nothing is fun anymore."

"Plan? I don't understand the question," Quistis asked in between bites of her sandwich.

Selphie hmmed. "Welll… Garden's competitive edge was the fact that we had GFs, right? And magic? Now basically you and Rinny are the only ones with some sort of magic, and—"

A cough from Squall interrupted her. Rinoa was gazing down at her hands in her lap. She had never fully become a SeeD, but was allowed to stay in Garden. The mention of her magic was something of a sore spot, considering the purpose of Garden's existence was to literally kill her. But she wore the Odine Bangles.

Which actually left Quistis as the only person in Garden who could still use some sort of magic. She was the only blue mage they had.

Selphie shifted guiltily beside her, dipping a carrot in some hummus. "What I mean is… what can Garden do now as an elite mercenary force? Are we just physical now? Where is our specialty?"

Squall turned his head, squinting into the sun. "I don't know. Cid said we are designing a new weapon."

"Weapon?" Zell asked, between bites of a hot dog.

Quistis felt a dawning realization. "Oh, is that why Cid has been having so many meetings in Esthar?"

Squall's face went from thoughtful to impassive and he fixed his attention on the bag of chips in his lap. Rinoa continued to stare at her hands, as if they were the most interesting thing in the world. The girl looked like she wanted to shrink inside of herself. Neither said a thing.

"Huh," Selphie shrugged. "I guess we'll find out soon enough, right?"

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"But, sir!" Quistis stared at the design that was almost done being manufactured. Set to be delivered to Garden next week.

"There is no argument here, Quistis. This will make Garden an even more elite force than we were before." Cid leaned against his desk, hands in his pockets.

"But the cost—"

"Is none of your concern. Garden is in the black. Our financials are of no consequence."

"But—"

Cid turned his back to her, motioning to the door. "This is above your paygrade, Quistis. You are dismissed."

Quistis left the office in defeat. The only noise in the hallway was the clacking of her heels on the marble floor.

A weapon. A canon infused with magic. Multiple weapons that had magical power. More powerful than most spells she had even seen Rinoa cast when she was in her Angel-Wing trance.

But how?

Manufactured by Odine Laboratories. No wonder Cid had been going to Esthar so much. So had Squall and Rinoa.

What weren't they telling her? What did the two of them know? Were they protecting her? Themselves?

Nothing made any sense anymore.

Had they forfeited the GF to create these weapons? Were they able to harness the power of magic from them? Were the GF…gone? Sacrificed? Or in some laboratory being experimented on?

Was this why they had been removed from their brains?

Or was the magic coming from somewhere else? She had never known exactly what gave her blue magic. Was that the answer?

Or…was the magic coming from the only other magic source on the planet.

The last living Sorceress…

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Quistis woke to the sun peeking through her blinds. Bleary eyed, she glanced at her bedside clock. Eight in the morning. Her mouth was sticky yet dry at the same time. Her breath hideous. A combination of alcohol and not brushing her teeth the night before. Since Zell had interrupted her.

Sitting up quickly, she immediately regretted it as a headache rushed forward. Zell was no longer next to her in bed. Which was insane, he was blackout drunk hours ago when he stumbled into her room. Maybe he was in the bathroom?

She heard some shifting on the floor and looked over the edge of the bed.

The man was doing sit ups. Sit-ups. Like he hadn't been completely intoxicated merely hours prior.

"'Bout time you woke up," Zell grunted as he continued crunching his abdomen.

"How the hell are you—"

"Pack your shit." Zell never interrupted people. Never. Especially not Quistis. He rolled over and switched to doing push-ups. Quickly, effectively, and with ease.

"What?" Quistis was not processing his words, instead reaching blindly for the coffee maker.

Zell never stopped his push-ups. "Pack up. We're going to Deling. At least, I am. I figured you would want to as well."

"Deling?" Quistis pressed a button to make a quick cup of coffee, willing her headache away. "Is there a mission, or—"

Zell sprung to his feet with ease, trotting over to the coffee maker and handing the cup to Quistis. "We figure out what really happened. The incident. And we get pay-back."

She took a grateful sip of the coffee and looked at Zell to try and gauge if he was serious.

His face was absolutely, painfully solemn, eyes resolute.

A way to ease their burden. To ease their guilt. Because she was guilty. If she hadn't said it was going to be okay. If she hadn't encouraged it. If she had seen the signs. Signs that were so obvious…

As for Zell, Quistis knew that he couldn't shake the images from his head. He was the one who took the call. He was the one who found the body…

He hadn't been the same ever since.

"But, Garden won't sanction—"

"Fuck Garden. You and me. I know how you feel about the whole thing. Let's get revenge. We owe it to—"

Quistis shook her head. "What about?"

"No. He can't come. He's gotta stay here and keep watch over—"

She nodded. "You're right. You're right… it's just us, isn't it."

It was said as a statement of resolution. Not a question. They both knew the answer.

"Just you and me, Quisty. You in?"

"I'm in."

Hours later, they left Garden and never looked back.

"I see your face here. I see it in the lights."

"I'm not there. Please, Zell is on his way, and—"

"It's so pretty. I can see everything now. They are all exploding, and I can taste it, and… you would love it, Quisty…Stay with me, okay? You're right here, I see you."

"I'm not—"

"But I don't recognize you anymore."


beta: the lovely colobonema

More questions than answers, but next chapter will be soon.