Coming to consciousness was still unpleasant, but Prism was quickly getting used to it. Blinking in the candlelight as the ceiling came into focus, he took a deep breath and let it out through his nose. When his eyes were used to the light, he turned his head to see who was watching over him. His heart stuttered when he saw Jack sitting in the chair.
The boy was carving a piece of wood with a small knife, brushing away the shavings with gentle fingers. His brow was creased in concentration as he made sure, quick movements with the blade. Prism tried desperately to feel for Jack's fear, but he couldn't sense anything. He was still so afraid that he couldn't sense fear. His conversation with Lunar had only been a part of what he needed to do.
As he scrambled for something to say, Jack glanced up and met his eyes. Prism froze. Jack folded the knife and set it aside, laying the piece of wood on the bedside table. He kept his eyes on Prism the whole time, his face a mask that Prism couldn't read. Jack studied him then leaned forward. Prism couldn't move, his head beginning to spin as his vision narrowed.
"Breathe, Prism," Jack said gently.
Prism realized that he had, in fact, stopped breathing, and he gasped in a breath. As the spinning stopped and his breathing returned to normal, Prism found himself staring at Jack. The boy's eyes were appraising as he studied his friend, and Prism flushed under the hard stare. Jack finally sat back.
"How are you?"
The question seemed loaded to Prism, but he couldn't lie to Jack. Not again. He had caused so much trouble with one simple lie. He swallowed nervously and glanced back at the ceiling.
"Physically, I'm in pain. Everything hurts. I imagine you know that, having been hit by a train before."
Jack snorted. "Yeah. It's going to hurt for a while. Even with Lunar's medicines, he says you'll be feeling it for a few weeks." He paused. "And otherwise?"
"Not so good."
"Hm." Jack shifted in his chair. "Want to talk about it?"
Prism swallowed. "I don't know where to begin."
"Wherever you want," Jack replied.
Prism lay in silence for a few minutes, trying to figure out where to start. He finally looked back at the ceiling and sighed.
"I hate being helpless."
"I think that's natural " Jack replied after a beat of silence.
"All I feel after my panic attacks is weak. Pathetic. Useless." Prism's voice caught in his throat, and he took several breaths to try and keep himself under control. "Logically, I know that's false. I've done good for many millennia even without my status as Guardian of Childhood. But still. It seems never-ending, Jack. I can't break free from the mud. I feel chained there, filthy and horrible and unsightly."
Prism allowed the silence to fill the room, and then he squeezed his eyes closed as he continued.
"And when it seemed to be getting worse, when I crashed and you found me, I couldn't bear to burden you with anything else. You've been through enough with me. And I didn't even know how bad it was at first. I didn't know I'd hurt myself. I was so ashamed and embarrassed and horrified that I was so pathetic that I couldn't tell you. So I… I lied."
Tears traced down Prism's thin cheeks, but he kept his eyes closed. He couldn't take the thought of Jack rejecting him. The silence stretched on for one minute. Two. Three. Then Jack shifted.
"And?"
Prism swallowed. "I promised myself that I would go to Lunar if it happened again. But somewhere in me, I knew that was a cop-out. I knew I was lying to myself. I didn't want to burden him any more than you. You've all had more than enough trouble from me. I didn't want to add more.
"And then when I got the medicine together, I had a horrible vision of what I'd done, of the damage that I'd caused by… by lying to you. I thought if none of you found out I'd lied, then nothing bad would happen. You'd all still be my friends, wouldn't leave me alone in the dark again."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Jack burst out, startling Prism. The Guardian of Courage turned to gaze in astonishment at Jack, who was flushed blue with anger.
"Jack, please, let me explain," Prism murmured, afraid that he'd really lost Jack.
"No!" Jack barked. "You've got to be kidding me, Prism!"
"No, but I'm sorry, Jack!" Prism exclaimed. He tried to push himself up. His muscles would t obey, and he fell back again. "I won't do it again."
Jack frowned, calming down for a moment. "Do what?"
Prism was flummoxed as to what they were talking about. "Um… lie?"
"I don't care that you lied, Prism," Jack scolded. He stood up and began to pace. "I care that you think, in any conceivable or inconceivable way, that I and the other Guardians would leave you alone in the dark! How could you think that about us? Do you have so little faith in us? In me?"
He stopped pacing and stared at Prism with a heat that startled the older Guardian. Prism felt embarrassed, like he'd betrayed Jack in some strange way.
"I…" Prism struggled to explain his thoughts and feelings. "I suppose it's not you that I don't trust. Just… Just myself, I think? My track record isn't the best, Jack. It's nothing to do with you."
"You are wrong, Prism," Jack said. He waved his hand and the temperature of the room plummeted as fractals shimmered in the air around him. "This is not solely about your feelings and thoughts about yourself. You have been alone for ages of human time. I get that. I know it's affected you in ways I can't even grasp. I've only been alive as Jack Frost for three hundred years, and the loneliness of that time changed me. And those thousands of years of being alone, and not only being alone but despised by those who could see you, has twisted you."
Jack's blue eyes were intense, and Prism saw once again the dividing line between boy and man blurred in a strange way as he only ever saw in Jack and Nightlight. He was mesmerized by the passion in Jack's voice, of the understanding that poured off of him in waves. Jack took a breath and continued.
"I understand you in a way the others don't. I know what being alone does to a person. But I've never been hated. Not like you have. And I could see it when you were preparing your ship, teaching me how to wipe down the boards with black hole shadows. You're guarded. You're afraid to trust people. Especially the Guardians. Even now, there's something that keeps you separate from us. And it's not us. It hasn't been us in a long time. It's you. We wanted to help. But we didn't want to interfere. Well, screw that mindset! We're interfering now!"
Prism lowered his head and nodded. "It's becoming increasingly clear that I don't trust you. Not in the ways that count. And I'm sorry, Jack. Lunar explained that I don't ask for help, and perhaps not trusting anybody besides myself is a part of the reasoning behind it. I don't understand myself, Jack. And I'm truly, truly sorry."
Jack huffed and tapped his fingers on Prism's desk. Then he nodded.
"First things first, you need to understand that we are your friends. All of us. Not just Lunar and Nightlight. But me, North, Tooth, Sandy, and Bunny, too. Secondly, considering your past, we would never leave you 'alone in the dark' as you put it. We care for you far too much. If you are going to be in the dark, you do not have to be alone anymore. Are we clear?"
Prism nodded again, wiping at his cheeks. "Do you forgive me?" he asked in a small voice.
"For?" Jack asked, relaxing his stance.
"Lying to you."
Jack laughed and plopped back into the chair. "One lie is hardly the end of the world, Prism. I'm much more concerned with you hurting yourself."
"But I promised that I wouldn't lie if you were honest with me. And I broke it."
"Yeah. Well, I'm still learning to catch them," Jack said idly. "Do you know that I still try and lie to the others sometimes?"
"Oh?" Prism asked, smiling as he looked at Jack.
"Oh yeah. Like four weeks ago, North asked me if I'd done anything to be on the naughty list for. And I said no. He just happened to be going over his list and he paused and looked at me then handed it over. I was so embarrassed when I saw my name and I had to admit that I might have possibly stolen something from Tooth's palace. He laughed and said I should give it back and reminded me that telling the truth is preferable, even if that means admitting you've done wrong."
"True words."
Prism relaxed back into his warm bed. His entire body was lighter than it had been in a while. His heart seemed to soar at Jack's acceptance, and he contemplated their conversation. Jack picked up his project and clicked his tongue.
"What do you think?"
Prism took it and studied it. It appeared to be the beginnings of a wooden train whistle.
"Very nice. You're getting better."
Jack beamed then studied Prism. "How would you like a shower? We can change your clothes and then the sheets and blankets."
Prism hesitated, his mind lingering on what he remembered lay beneath the bandages. After a pause, he nodded shyly. "If you wouldn't mind getting Lunar or Sanderson to re-coat my wounds with the salves. These particular creams are not water resistant."
"Sounds good. Let me start the shower then let's get you up and undressed."
When Jack came back, Prism took a deep breath then eased the blankets aside. He allowed Jack to help him into a seated position. A shock of pain traveled up his spine, and he clutched at Jack as his head spun. Jack held him in place until he nodded then he was pulled up into a standing position. Prism took deep, steadying breaths as pain threatened to overwhelm him. Jack unwound the bandages and set them aside.
Prism's face grew warm again as Jack took in the damage. Compassion prompted him to lean forward and wrap his arms around Prism's middle.
"You'll be okay, Prism. Lunar will help you. We all will."
Tears pricked Prism's eyes as he placed his hands on Jack's shoulders. "I know."
Jack helped Prism out of his pants and then walked him into the shower. The warm water helped to ease Prism's sore muscles even as the spray stung his raw, self-inflicted wounds. He hissed, and Jack smiled sympathetically.
"We'll make this quick," he promised.
There was a call from the door. "Jack?"
"In here, Bunny," Jack called. "I'm helping him shower. Could you change the sheets?"
"Sure, Frostbite."
"And then get Lunar or Sanderson," Prism said. "For the medicines," he added.
"No problem, Fringe."
Prism couldn't help but smile. He was rather fond of his new nickname. As he rinsed off, he saw Bunnymund in flashes through the door into his room as he changed the bedclothes. His focus was broken by the shoots of fire that pinged his brain from the water hitting his wounds. The soap would be so much worse.
"Here," Jack said, drenched from head to foot, his clothes sticking to his body as he stood without a care in the world. "Support yourself on the wall so I can wash you."
"Torture me, more like," Prism said as he leaned against the wall.
Jack laughed. "Can't help that, Fringe."
"No. I suppose not."
Bunnymund knocked on the door frame. "I'm going to go get Sandy. You want some food while I'm out?"
"That would be perfect," Prism said. "It will help with the healing to have a full stomach."
"Okay then." He paused. "I can tell you're making an effort. Hang in there, okay?"
Prism smiled and nodded then focused on supporting himself. As Jack began to wash him, he thought to himself how foolish he'd been. Jack wouldn't just leave him on his own. It wasn't in Jack's nature. After all they'd been through together, he needed to trust Jack. He just had to figure out how.
Because Jack wasn't wrong. As Pitch, Prism had been alone for millennia, unable to be seen by humanity, and absolutely hated by all the spirits. That sort of thing did leave a mark on him, bigger and more obvious than he'd thought. But he determined that he would take small steps to show them that he trusted them. It was all he could do. But he knew it would be enough.
