Chapter 19: The cruelty of power.
"Oh, and remember that one time you accidentally poured a growing potion all over Karen?" Croix laughed from the other end of the phone, almost out of breath.
"Yeah, she almost broke the ceiling." Chariot reminisced, also laughing.
"You were just so terrible at magic! But that's what made you so endearing." She kept teasing.
"Well, you weren't exactly innocent yourself." She decided to tease her too. "Don't think I don't know the little dragon incident at the Samhain Festival was your fault."
"Yeah, but that was on purpose." She answered naturally.
"Which makes it worse, not better." Chariot had to remind her, but still she laughed at her friend's response.
"Hey, no one got hurt! Everything went according to plan." She could perfectly picture Croix shrugging like it didn't matter.
"Still, my point stands; you were terrible in your own way."
"Okay, okay. I concede." Croix kept laughing, apparently enjoying just as much the little conversation they were having, reminiscing the good times.
They had been talking over phone on an almost daily basis for about a month now, and though Chariot still had some fleeting doubts about her friend's intentions from time to time, they seemed to have been able to rekindle their relationship to a platonic level. She still wasn't sure she wanted to take it any higher, but at least talking with Croix had never been easier and, aside from some awkward conversations about her rather villainous actions, everything had been going smoothly between them.
She was so glad to have Croix in her life once more. She'd missed her too much.
"We were truly made for each other, huh?" She said before she could stop herself. Croix, however, took a few seconds to respond, like she had to carefully plan her answer.
"Well, I mean…" She cleared her throat. "You made me very happy." Chariot could totally picture her blushing in that very moment; she always did that when talking about her feelings. "I… I really liked you. For some weird reason." She chuckled nervously.
"I know what you mean." Chariot sighed wistfully, laying down at her couch and staring at the ceiling while silence extended though the other end of the line. "I felt the same. I never wanted it to end the way it did." Her voice sounded almost sad, and apologetic. It soured their previously happy mood, and made them both talk more quietly, almost like they were afraid of where this particular line of thought would take them but knew it was already too late to go back.
"Well… neither did I." Croix answered after a few moments of hesitation.
"What happened to us?" It was a rhetorical question, of course; Chariot already had a pretty good idea of what had happened, after all.
"You became Shiny Chariot." She answered, like that simple line explained everything. Of course, this only ended up upsetting the redhead.
"And you became an evil scientist!" She retorted angrily.
"Touché." She laughed. "But that was like… what? Ten years after we broke up?"
"So making me steal the magic of thousands of children doesn't count?"
"Look, I just… " She paused, drawling out a long sigh. "Okay. No matter what I say right now you're gonna get mad, so… I'm just going to hang up and pray you'll calm down by tomorrow."
"Yeah, sure, just run away and shut me off." Chariot couldn't hold back the spite in her voice. This conversation was just opening way too many wounds from the past. "That's what you always do." She added bitterly.
"I don't…" She started protesting, but then paused, thinking. "Do I?"
"Oh, so you now have memory loss?" She accused. "Because I don't think I imagined how you stopped talking to me for months after I became Shiny Chariot."
"I-I… well, that was…"
"Or when you shut yourself in your lab for weeks shortly after I became Moonlit Witch!" She kept reproaching without giving Croix an opportunity to protest. She simply felt like she was on fire; for so long she'd kept all of this to herself, not saying a word to Croix, and now… now it was all flowing outside like lava erupting from a previously dormant volcano.
"That… that was mostly your fault!" Croix dared placing the blame on her once more. Fatal mistake.
"I had to use a freaking love potion to make you talk to me again!"
"Yeah, and look how well that turned out." She deadpanned.
"And let's not forget the cherry on top!" Chariot ignored Croix's remark in favor of continuing with her angry ramblings. "You abandoned me after I got the Shiny Rod!"
"I-I… a-ah… abandoned you? W-what?" She sputtered, before laughing nervously. "It was Samhain break! I simply went back home like the other kids."
"You said you'd stay with me!"
"There was a change of plans…" She tried to defend herself, but by her tone of voice it was obvious she was getting uncomfortable with Chariot's accusations.
"You were just jealous because Woodward chose me instead of you!"
Chariot's words seemed to ring loudly between them, creating a silence that wasn't just awkward, but also filled with ugly sentiments from both parties. Needless to say, Chariot wanted to take back her words as soon as they escaped her mouth, but also knew all that she said was true, and something she'd needed to get off of her chest for a long time.
"Sure, whatever." Croix finally spoke after a few seconds, sounding rather bitter. "Pretend I'm just evil and petty, I don't care."
"Croix…"
"No! I don't want to hear it." She snarled, cutting her off. "Goodbye, Chariot."
Chariot sighed as the call ended. She hadn't meant to start a fight with Croix. But then again she shouldn't have brought up the Shiny Rod, or Shiny Chariot, or anything like that. Everything was going so well! Why did she have to open her stupid mouth?
But still, it was all Croix's fault, wasn't it? Sure, now she understood better the reasons behind some of her actions, but… that didn't mean her friend didn't act rather childish and jealous for years just because she got a stupid rod she didn't even want.
Gosh, she still remembered that scene so vividly. When she woke up in Croix's lab and discovered she'd be spending Samhain break on her own.
I groan and open my eyes. Ugh. My whole body hurts, my head is thumping and I feel all dirty and tired. And I just woke up! Also… there's something between my arms. I'm holding it like a teddy bear, but it's a… stick? A golden rod. Heavy, cold and not comfy at all. I try to push it away so I can rest more comfortably and hopefully go back to sleep, but it ends up slipping from my hands and clattering to the ground, producing a thunderous metallic sound that makes me wince.
I freeze for a moment, waiting for it to quiet down before extending my hand to grab it again. But a cold voice makes me stop immediately.
"So you're awake." I look up and see Croix at her desk, which is next to the sofa where I fell asleep. I remember her telling me to go ahead and lay down; that she'd join me later, but it doesn't look like she did. Actually, judging by her red eyes and the black bags under them, I don't think she slept at all.
"Y-yeah." I croak out. Ugh. My throat is as dry as the Sahara desert.
"Great." She gets up, making a scratching noise with her chair as she pushes it back. Then, she turns around and regards me with an upsetting expression. She's cold, too cold. Angry too. But… I thought we were good! After I unlocked the first word last night we… we were fine.
"C-Croix?" I ask with a small voice.
"I'm going home today. I'm afraid I won't see you in a week." She announces, still with the same ice-cold attitude.
"What?" I practically whimper, making an effort to sit up, even if everything hurts. "I thought you said you'd stay!"
"Yeah, well… that was before the Claiomh Solais decided to choose you instead." She snarls, deviating her gaze towards the shiny object. "There's no point in me staying anymore, so… I'm going home." She shrugs casually, but a clear angry expression remains in her face. "I already sent a letter to Mellea."
Huh? Mellea? Who is this Mellea? … Wait, it doesn't matter! She's going home?!
"But I thought you'd help me!" I protest.
"So?" She raises an eyebrow. "I already helped you unlock the first word, and I really don't expect you to get the other six within a week… Or at all, to be honest."
"Hey!" I puff out my cheeks indignantly. How can she say that?! She's being such a big meanie! Even for her standards.
"In any case, you can read something about the Claiomh Solais on your own." She gestures to her desk, where various books and papers lay. "Who knows? Maybe the future of magic won't be so screwed then."
"Croix… okay, I get it, you wanted it for your own, but you don't have to be so mean about it!" I keep protesting, trying to get up from the couch but failing due to my legs hurting like absolute hell. Ugh. I'm never using that stupid strengthening spell again!
"I'm not being mean, I'm just telling the truth." She shrugs. "But believe what you want; I'm going home now." With that, she starts calmly walking towards the door, no doubt on her way to her room, where she will collect her belongings before departing. But I can't let that happen! I don't want to be left here all alone for a whole week with a stupid rod that I don't know how to use.
"Croix, wait!" Once again I try to stand up, and once again my legs fail from under me, this time making me fall to the front and, therefore, into the ground. It doesn't hurt much, to be honest, thanks to me reacting just in time to land on my hands and knees. What hurts though is that Croix doesn't even try to help me as I try to stand up, although she does pause on her way to the door.
I struggle, battling with my sore arms and legs to try and force them to move, but they're trembling too much and, going just by the pain I'm experiencing, I could've believed they've spontaneously caught fire. It doesn't help either that every time I fail to get up, it all ends up hurting even more.
Finally, after a few failed attempts, I hear Croix's steps as she walks towards me and I see her shoes appear in my field of vision.
"Are you okay?" She asks with a hint of hesitation on her voice.
"No, you idiot!" I can't help the spiteful tone I use as my grip in the couch fails and I end up in the ground once more.
"Here." She sighs. "Let me help you."
Before I can protest, she grabs my waist and pulls me up the ground, quite obviously using every last bit of strength she has to do such a simple task, since she's left breathless and flustered after she's placed me back on the couch. I can't blame her though; she pretty much just lifted my whole weight.
"You should remain here all day." She says with a slightly reprimanding tone. "The strengthening spell obviously took a huge toll on you; you shouldn't be pushing your body like that."
"I wouldn't be trying to get up if you didn't insist on leaving!" I protest once more, focusing once more on her stupid plans for Samhain break rather than on the pain invading my body.
"Can't you be on your own for just one week?" She says, clearly annoyed. "Geez, I never knew you were so clingy."
"I'm not clingy!" I immediately protest, but then I follow Croix's skeptical eyes and realize my hands are still holding fistfuls of her sleeves. Immediately, I let go of her as if I had been burned.
"Look, Chariot, I don't care what you think. Call me petty, if you want; I'm going home." She turns around, no doubt to leave once more, but then pauses. "You stay here. Resting."
And with that, she's gone.
I don't try making another attempt at preventing her from leaving; I'd just end up on the floor once more, and I doubt she'd stop to help me a second time. Plus, I don't want her to see me cry, and I can already feel my throat tightening with barely contained rage and impotence. Just then, the first tears start falling too.
I just don't understand! Why would she leave me alone? She said she would stay! That we would spend Samhain break studying the Claiomh Solais! Is me getting the rod that big of a deal to her? I mean, it has to be better than neither of us getting it, right? Why did it have to be specifically her? And why is she being so irrational about this?
I don't understand. I don't understand anything! My emotions are a mess, I'm tired and I'm not really in the mood to try and decipher what she could be thinking. I just know my best friend just abandoned me because of some stupid object that really doesn't even look all that special to me.
That day, I cry myself to sleep. Despite having just woken up.
When I wake up I'm feeling a little better. Physically, because emotionally I'm still a mess. I mean, my chest still hurts because of the mean things Croix said earlier and how she left, leaving me alone here for a whole freaking week. Like, what am I supposed to do for seven days, really? Sure, I suppose I could visit Arcas, maybe go to town and call my aunt… but there's not much else to do here. Not when most students go home for Samhain break… like I should have done. But I was stupid enough to believe Croix would stay with me no matter what.
Granted, I thought she'd either get the rod or we wouldn't find it and would have to try again some other time. I never thought it would choose me. Not that I even wanted it, to be honest… which may be the reason it chose me instead of Croix in the first place. Didn't Professor Woodward say it wouldn't allow someone who wants it to possess it? So Croix was automatically disqualified.
But wait… why does she want it anyways? All this time and I never asked.
I thought it was obvious. I thought she wanted to revive magic because she felt it was her duty, as the best witch of our generation, but… if that was the case, she wouldn't want the Claiomh Solais per se. She'd want to revive magic, right? And sure, it's almost the same, but I just think that if that was the case, she could have been chosen. Or maybe she would at least be allowed to touch it.
I don't understand. All this time and I still know so little about who I claimed to be my best friend. But Croix… does she even think of me as a friend? For all I know maybe she sees me as just a nuisance.
But maybe staying here in her lab moping all day long isn't that great of an idea. I should go back to my room, maybe get a nice hot shower, have dinner and go to sleep; forget about everything. About this stupid rod that is causing so many problems in my life.
And so I do just that. Seeing that it's almost twilight and I technically spent the whole day sleeping, my body is less tired and sore, and I'm thankfully able to walk to my room to collect some clean clothes, and then to the showers. After that, I decide to take a walk around the fields while I wait for it to be dinner time.
I end up sitting in a bench outside the greenhouse, staring blankly at the shiny rod and wondering why the hell it chose me of all people, wishing it could answer.
Honestly, even with the soft glow of twilight, this thing is kinda ugly. Sure, it's golden and whatever, but the seven green gems look like… pimples. Weird, shiny pimples that shouldn't be there. And the shape, with those sharp edges and irregularities… cold, metallic and impersonal.
If I ever designed a rod, it wouldn't be like this at all.
"What an interesting staff you have there." A voice startles me out of my contemplations. I pretty much jump out of my skin as I turn around to see…
"H-headmistress Holbrooke."
"Please dear, call me Miranda. I once changed your diaper, you know?" She laughs, coming to sit next to me.
"R-right." I answer, uncomfortable.
"What are you doing here alone? I thought you'd be eager to go back home and tell your aunt everything about your new school."
"I should have done that." I sigh. "But she's probably already in Spain, and I wouldn't want her to cancel her vacations just for me." Then, I deviate my gaze towards the rod once more, partially blaming it for all my problems. The headmistress follows my eyes.
"You still haven't answered my other question."
"Huh?" She asked me something else? I don't think so.
"Where did you get such an interesting-looking rod?"
"Oh, it's just… an old relic." Yeah, even I know it wouldn't be smart to admit I got into the forbidden forest of Arcturus without permission.
"I see." She smiles, but I can't tell if she believes me or not. Her expression is unreadable. "Many would tell you a rod, or a staff, aren't very witch-like. They were traditionally used by wizards and warlocks during the Golden Age of magic." She chuckles. "Truth is, they hold more power than any wand would hope to possess, which is why men, as always, wanted to keep them for themselves."
Huh. So, I guess that's why she has a staff? But at least hers isn't forcing her to take on a quest she's not even remotely prepared for.
"I never wanted power." I answer, glaring at the culprit of my current predicament. Finding it uglier by the second.
"Oh, dearie." She smiles with an almost pitying expression. "We all want power."
"But I…" I start protesting, but she gives me a look that clearly says I shouldn't interrupt, so I shut my mouth.
"When we are born, we're never complete. We are all missing something. What it is varies from person to person and depends on the age as well." She starts explaining, but I honestly don't know where she's getting with this. Is this all about how I'm an absolute disaster in class?
"When we're babies we're missing food, so we cry and our need is met. When we're children we're missing strength, so we call our parents when we need something done. When we are teenagers we're missing independence, so we distance ourselves from our parents, hoping to gain it." She continues. "But every single action is based on power; the power over our parents, the power to make our own decisions, the power to learn and grow…"
"I don't understand."
"Tell me, Chariot. What are you missing?"
"Ha! Where do I even start?" I chuckle bitterly. "I still lack basic magic knowledge, although Croix's helping me with that. I lack discipline, patience, intelligence… everything."
Everything Croix has.
"Then you need power the most." She concludes.
"What?" I still don't get it. What does power has to do with anything?
"Power is merely a tool." She explains. "It isn't an abstract thing, nor is it bad to seek it. The question is, however, what kind of power do you want, and what do you want it for?"
"Uh…"
"What do you wish to do, Chariot?"
"I want… I want to show everyone the wonder of magic. Because then, they'd be happy."
"And do you need power for that?"
"Uh…" I pause, remembering how every time I go to town and try to do magic to entertain some kids (yes, it's become an increasingly common occurrence) I run out of magic almost instantly. But that could be easily solved if I had more power, right? So… "Yes?"
The headmistress nods, like I gave the right answer.
"It's good to acknowledge that we want power. But we also have to address that what we need and what we want are usually different things." She keeps talking. "Our needs arise from our understanding that we lack something. Our wants are our attempts to fill that void." She pauses, giving me a mysterious smile. "You already know what you want, but do you know what you need?"
I open my mouth to respond, but close it a second later. Because I have no idea how to answer. I feel any answer wouldn't be the correct one. I mean, in theory, I know what I need. I need to study more, to be more disciplined, to take things seriously and whatnot... But what does that have to do with my dream? With making people happy? Not like I could even make anyone happy right now anyways, since I'm feeling so miserable. Ugh. I hate feeling sad.
"Oh! Look at the time." Holbrooke suddenly exclaims. "I was supposed to meet with Anne before dinner. I will see you later, dear. Take care of that rod of yours, and use your new power to get what you need." And with that, and yet another cryptic smile, she leaves. And now I'm not just sad and angry, but confused as well.
Ugh. Why? I thought magic was the equivalent of happiness. That was the whole point on coming here all the way from France, even despite my aunt's protests. Magic was supposed to make me happy. And yet here I am, being all moody and miserable because of some stupid magic rod.
But… what do I need to be happy again? Huh. The answer might be simpler than I thought.
I need Croix here with me. I need her to be my friend again. I need her not to be angry because of this whole thing with the rod. I need her. She's my happiness.
But not even the most powerful rod in the world will bring her back; in fact, it will only drive her away. But… why? Why does she want power? What does she want? What does she need?
Well, I have literally no idea. All because I barely know my best friend because I lack curiosity and she's very secretive. All I know is that she said something quite interesting before departing, which could give me a clue as to what to do.
She said that I needed to study, so that maybe the future of magic wouldn't be so screwed. Maybe she genuinely wants to bring back magic. Maybe she's just concerned I'm so stupid I might screw it up. Well, Croix, prepare yourself! I'll show you! I will study like I've never studied before, I will learn to use this stupid wand, rod, or whatever, and when you come back, you'll see there's nothing to worry about. I got the rod for a reason; it knew I would do my best to get the seven words, and I will. That is a promise.
Time to study!
… Well, maybe after dinner. Or tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow sounds better.
A/N: Well, now the first cracks in their relationship have appeared. Do you think they'll be able to fix them and get the seven words? I mean, they obviously don't, but like, come on, let me have a little bit of mystery XD
Anyways, thanks for reading and, as always, follows, favorites and reviews are greatly appreciated. See you soon :)
Thanks to my beta reader moonwatcher13.
