Chapter 20: Chariot, alone.

I wake up alone in my room. Yes, my two roommates also went home for Samhain break, which should make me glad because it means no more Karen for a few days, but… gosh, I hate being alone. I'd take Karen's mean comments over this eerie silence any day.

As I walk through the hallways to get to the cafeteria, my steps resonate loudly throughout the school, almost thunderous now that I'm pretty much the only one here. When I arrive to my destination, there are only like five people, dispersed in groups of two and three, each at different tables at opposite ends of the cafeteria. I try to see if there's anyone I know, but they all appear to be from different years, and I don't remember ever having seen them around. So, I end up sitting alone.

I sit next to the window, hoping that watching the green fields outside will help me feel less lonely. But staring at the empty space outside, usually filled to the brim with energetic students chatting, practicing magic and laughing… I end up feeling even lonelier.

Despite being in the same school I've lived in for the past few months, I feel like I'm a castaway in the middle of nowhere, utterly lost and with no hope of getting back to civilization.

Am I exaggerating? I probably am. But it's always been like that for me. Being alone makes me anxious, I feel like I'm trapped, and I always end up crying and seeking someone's company.

Back home it happened every time my aunt left and didn't take me with her, which forced her to cut her plans short many times.

When I was at school I tried to make as many friends as quickly as possible, so that I wouldn't feel so alone. But… almost no one wanted to be friends with the weird girl who thought she was a witch. So I ended up clinging to the very few friends I had like ivy.

And I did the same with Croix.

But despite everything, despite all my efforts for not feeling alone, here I am. As lonely as you can get. No one to talk to, no one to laugh with, no one to hug… no one to simply be with doing absolutely nothing, just relishing in the fact that you have each other.

Loneliness is truly the worst sensation in the world.


After breakfast, I go to Croix's lab and sit down at her desk all by myself. It feels weird being here all alone. I don't think I've ever been in this place without Croix, or sat here without her being next to me as well.

I miss her. Despite what she did I… I miss her so much.

But moping around won't bring her back. And slacking off, feeling miserable about myself won't impress her.

I spend this whole day reading, studying, making notes and trying to burn into my head every little bit of information I can find. I mean, I know I'll forget it by the end of the semester (or earlier), but at least Croix should be impressed that I managed to learn so many things in such little time.

So, apparently Professor Woodward was the first known owner of the Claiomh Solais, but no one knows if she made it herself or found it. It was used once to revive magic in a time where witches were being hunted and killed, which was apparently weakening the connection of Yggdrasil to the stars, or something. But then they ended up sealing a small part of Yggdrasil, called the Grand Triskelion, in the Arcturus forest, so that magic could be revived if it ever ended up dying again.

For some reason though, they made it super complicated to unlock the damn thing! Like, that's the equivalent of keeping a fire extinguisher under locks and chains!

First you have to get the Claiomh Solais, of which location they gave no clue except that it was sealed in the stars, which is just too vague. Then, you'd have to find seven ancient spells and breathe life into them somehow despite there being no manual, or anything beyond their pronunciation written in freaking lunar runes.

And after all of that you have to unlock the seal of the Grand Triskelion and make a wish to revive Yggdrasil. Like, come on! It's the freaking world-altering magic! What if the one who got the Grand Triskelion ended up wishing for something else? Like, I don't know, an ice-cream that never melts? … Okay, maybe not that one; that would be dumb, but you get the idea!

But anyways, the point is I spent most of my Samhain break memorizing stupid historical facts about this stupid rod that really didn't help me use it at all.

Like, I tried making spells with it, but it just wouldn't respond. I tried saying the first word again, over and over, to see if it transformed into the shiny arc thingy. I even tried casting spells on it with my wand! But nothing worked, and by the fourth day without results I was not only bored but also incredibly frustrated.

That's when I decided to check the library. In the legend section.

Going by the titles of Croix's books, I assumed she'd gotten them all either from the history section, the secret archive or bought them from the last Wednesday society, but I doubted she'd ever check the legend section. Sure, it was mostly filled to the brim with fun or mysterious stories that probably didn't have even an ounce of reality, but… they were more enjoyable. Plus, the world-altering magic surely sounds like a tale too good to be true.

And guess what? After spending a rather relaxing day (compared to the previous ones at least) reading fantastic tales about kings and princesses, and fairies, I finally stumbled across a legend that could maybe serve my purposes.

It went like this: once upon a time, long before the first witch learned to use magic, there was a sacred tree. This tree was made of gold, and its branches connected the stars to the Earth, the sky to the ground and even the hearts of all living things; it linked them all together. One day, there was a woman who wished to save her dying lover of a mortal wound he'd received, and her pain was so intense and so devastating, it was starting to affect the world around her; to the point one of the tree's branches withered and fell; the one which linked together the little and big dippers.

The girl found it and immediately formed a connection with the object. With it, she was able to wield the power of the stars and cure her lover, but it was only possible because the love she felt for him was strong enough to unite the branch with the tree once again, if only in spirit, and channel the magic through it.

That was the origin of the first witch and the first wand. Sounds familiar, doesn't it? But what I found most interesting was that little bit about her love being so strong it somehow managed to connect the wand with the tree.

I remembered how I felt when I pronounced the first word. There was something flowing between me and the rod. Some sort of energy or magic; a connection I've never felt with any ordinary wand. So… maybe that's the key. Maybe I have to use my emotions, make them super intense so they are passed into the rod, and use that energy to somehow summon magic.

Sure, it's more difficult than the traditional method with a normal wand, where you merely extract the magic from it and use it to make spells, but I guess a freaking legendary rod really can't be that easy to use.

So, I started practicing once more.

I failed of course, a lot. I spent a whole day trying to make just a simple illusion spell, but… I couldn't conjure even a tiny spark.

The next day I tried again, but this time I actually paused to think which emotion could be strong enough to do the trick. Like, sure, I'm very expressive myself, and I've never been one to repress my feelings in any way, but to activate the rod of seven stars it looked like I would need something more powerful.

I had already tried with happiness, by remembering how I felt the first time I was able to fly in my broom, when I would play with my aunt when I was younger, and even when I entered Luna Nova. But nothing happened.

I had also tried anger, which was honestly way easier to accomplish because I was already getting mad at the stupid wand! And I got the same result.

Finally, I had tried fear, remembering how I felt in the Arcturus forest when the monsters would chase us, or when I couldn't find Croix at night. I had even tried imagining a scenario in which I actually didn't find her and I had to face against the rock monster thingy alone! Like, that was a lot of fear! And anxiety too! And yet, the stupid rod had remained as lifeless as ever.

So, I wasn't going to try with those emotions again today. I needed new ones! Like… sadness? That was easy enough to accomplish. I just had to remember how Croix left after I got the Claiomh Solais and my heart immediately started hurting like it was happening in that very moment. But… even though for a millisecond it looked like the gems might flicker to life, at the end I couldn't cast any spell with sadness.

But didn't the legend say the first witch accomplished it with love? I didn't try that one at first because, like, I've never been interested in romance at all. Even when the other girls at my old school started fantasizing about boys and stuff, I was only ever worried about magic. I didn't have time for love!

But then I realized… it doesn't have to be romantic love, right? It could be the love I feel for my aunt!

So I tried thinking about all the times she'd stop whatever she was doing to play with me, or comfort me, or tell me a story. How, despite not being my mother, she took her role as my guardian seriously and always tried to do what's best for me. Again, the gems flickered with light for merely a moment, but apparently my love for my aunt just wasn't enough.

But… what love could be greater than that? My love for Arcas? I mean, he's nice and all, but I wouldn't say I love him more than my aunt. Still, I tried. But nothing.

My love for my long-dead grandma? Okay, I did love her a whole lot, but I barely remember her anymore, so even though I summoned all the good memories I have of her, it apparently wasn't enough.

Then I tried… Croix. Sure, she's such a stupid egotistical meanie for leaving me here all by myself, and getting angry just because I got this shiny rod, but… I still care a whole lot about her. I know we only met a few months ago, but I immediately felt a connection with her, and aside from the occasional hiccups (like this one) she's been nicer to me than anyone else. So… I guess you could say I love her. As a friend, at least. Best friend, maybe? Still, I wouldn't say I love her more than my aunt, but I guess it's worth a try.

And so, I close my eyes, remembering how we met, how she agreed to teach me illusion magic despite thinking it was a waste of time, how she saved me from my own stupidity thousands of times while practicing spells and potions, how she defended me from my roommates, and how I taught her to fly while standing on her broom, which is still one of my favorite memories to date.

I actually started to feel something then. A little tingle in my fingers where they touched the rod, and a pleasant sensation in my chest. And when I opened my eyes, the gems were lit! But as soon as I tried casting a spell, the light disappeared and the rod became lifeless once more.

Ugh. Like, seriously, what do I have to do to make it work? There's no one I love more than my aunt or Croix!

… Wait. Sure, there's no one I love more than them. But… but maybe there's something that could do the trick.

Magic.

I've always loved magic above all things. It's the only connection I have with my dead grandma, and even with my mom. It was the only thing that would make me defy my aunt; ignore her concerns and warnings in favor of practicing it. It's what made me come to Luna Nova in the first place! The only thing that makes me keep studying and reading for hours and hours until I don't want to see a book ever again. Magic was what made me connect with Croix; another witch like me, who knew everything about magic and loved it almost as much as I do.

Maybe, just maybe, my love for magic was the key all along.

It would make sense, really, but I'm almost too afraid to try... Almost.

And so, I close my eyes once again. I start to remember the first time I casted a spell, when I came to Luna Nova when I was six, when I first flew in my broom, the first time I watched the Samhain Festival, when I was finally accepted to Luna Nova, the few times I managed to cast spells correctly, and finally, when I participated in the broom race.

I concentrate on the love I felt for magic in all those memories, and how that made me feel. And the tingling sensation appeared again, accompanied with some sort of pleasant heat that seemed to be emanating from the rod; like it was answering to my feelings.

When I opened my eyes, the gems were brighter than before, almost as much as when I had conjured the first word. And when I tried to cast a spell again… yes! The butterflies made of light I would always conjure with an illusion spell appeared in front of me! And when I willed them to transform into birds, then into a lion, and finally into a mermaid, they followed my commands perfectly; quickly and efficiently as soon as I imagined it. More so! They were a lot bigger and brighter than when I conjured them with my regular wand! And it took me way less effort and concentration!

Huh. I guess this rod isn't so bad after all. I bet it could even help me make longer spectacles while in town! Maybe I should try that soon.

Gosh, Croix's gonna be so impressed!


"So that was the key to make the Shiny Rod obey you every time? Just concentrating on your love for magic?" Akko asked. She had arrived shortly after Croix had hung up the phone and had asked to hear more about her idol's adventures. Wanting to distract herself from the painful memories in her mind, Chariot had immediately agreed and proceeded to tell her about the events that happened during the Samhain break.

"Yeah. Something like that." She answered.

"Amazing! I was myself only able to use it a couple of times for spells that weren't the words." Akko pouted.

"During the Samhain Festival, right?" Ursula asked, smiling fondly as she remembered the event.

"Yeah. And also when I helped hatch the Pappiliodya." She nodded. "I was thinking about you both times though, so it makes sense."

"M-me?" The professor startled, looking at her with wide eyes.

"Of course!" She answered naturally, a big smile appearing on her face. "My love for Shiny Chariot and my love for magic are one and the same!"

"I'm flattered." The professor blushed, being as awkward as always about the Shiny Chariot subject. It's not like she was ashamed of her in-stage persona, but… after everything she'd done, she just felt like she didn't deserve any kind of praise. Much less from such a sweet and innocent girl as Akko.

"Sensei, will you tell me now what happened next? How did Croix react when you showed her you could now use the Shiny Rod?" Just like every single night, Akko kept inquiring, wanting to know more and more. But just like every single night, Ursula had to refuse.

"I'm sorry Akko, but it's getting late and I'm really tired. I'll tell you tomorrow, alright?"

Usually Akko would have protested a couple more times before relenting and finally retiring to her room, but she noticed her teacher's eyes did look tired, her posture a little too hunched and her overall attitude was less energetic than usual. She knew from the moment she'd arrived that something was wrong with her sensei, but she also knew it wasn't her place to inquire, so instead she'd tried to distract her from whatever was bothering her by asking for a story. It had worked somewhat, since by the end of her tale Ursula had managed a small smile, but Akko sensed she was overstaying her visit and it was time to go.

More so! It was almost midnight! Which meant she'd probably catch Diana while she was finishing her patrols, so that was something to look forward to.

"Alright, sensei. Have a good night." The girl got up from the couch and smiled at her professor. "See you tomorrow!" And with that, she was gone.

Chariot sighed as soon as she heard the door close, more exhausted than anything. Not even physically at that; simply picking a fight with Croix and then remembering how she'd hurt her even when they were young… it was too much for her emotions. A part of her wanted to call her; see if they could make amends, but she was also too angry and sad, and knew talking to her friend in such a state of mind probably wouldn't solve anything.

And so, she got up from the couch, ruffled Alcor's feathers as a way of saying goodnight and changed into her pajamas. Then, she grabbed a bed sheet, turned off the lights and went to lay down on her couch.

Just when her eyes were staring to close, however, she heard a song coming from the device laying next to her couch, which was also vibrating and its screen was lit up.

It was Croix, obviously. No one else had that number.

She was tempted to just let it ring; make Croix believe she was already asleep. But… hadn't she accused her of running away and shutting her off? And now she was going to do the same? Maybe they should both finally start behaving like normal functional adults and talk things out for once.

"Hello?"

"Chariot?" Croix's voice sounded hesitant. "Uhm… hi. Again. Can… can we talk? Please?"

"Croix." Chariot sighed. "Look, about earlier…"

"I'm sorry." Croix cut her off. "I know I was a pretty shitty friend in the past. A pretty shitty girlfriend as well, and I just… I don't think I ever apologized for that." Chariot knew that voice too well; that sad-angry tone she always used while mentally kicking herself, being way harsher than needed be.

"I wouldn't say you were a bad friend." She assured her. "I mean, we had plenty of good moments together, right?"

"But I always ended up ruining them!" She protested. "You were right; I shouldn't have abandoned you after you got the shiny rod, or all the other times." She paused, letting out a shuddering breath. "But I was just so jealous, Chariot. I know if I stayed, I would only end up hurting you even more."

"Are you sure about that?" Chariot couldn't help sounding somewhat bitter. "I mean, every time you left me alone you broke my heart."

"I know." Now Croix's voice sounded strangled. "But being alone is how I deal with my own demons. With my problems." She sighed. "I had to convince myself that you getting the rod wasn't so bad, and I couldn't do that when that stupid thing mocked me cruelly with its mere presence."

"Wait… really? You left because you needed some time alone? I thought it was because you hated me!" Chariot didn't know if she should be happy by the revelation, but it sure helped ease the pain in her chest just the tiniest bit.

"I've never hated you, Cherry. I know it seemed like that sometimes, but… I think I may be physically incapable of hating you."

"… Cherry?" She'd heard correctly, right? Croix had resorted to calling her by her old nickname.

"Uhm… I-I… I'm sorry. It was a slip of the tongue. I won't call you that again." Croix rushed to say.

"No! It's… it's fine, really." Why did her cheeks feel warm all of a sudden? "You can call me that if you want… Croix-ssant." She couldn't keep herself from teasing her, earning a laugh from her friend.

"Fair enough."

"So… we're good now?" Chariot asked, smiling already now that she'd apparently resolved things with her friend.

"I should be the one asking you that." Croix said. "I mean, I'm the ex-villain with a troubled past and psychological issues. It honestly amazes me you would want to talk to me at all."

Although she said it in a casual manner, Chariot knew better than to believe her façade. Knowing Croix, she had been beating herself up for hours, going down an ever descending spiral of self-hatred, like she had done so many times in the past.

"That' not true. You are great." She quickly contradicted her. "You're just… a little insecure about yourself, but I guess that's understandable, considering the circumstances." Croix hummed from the other end, and Chariot could perfectly picture her pursing her lips. "How is Mellea, by the way? Has she visited you at all?"

"I was hoping to avoid that question." She said with a troubled tone of voice, still, she did answer. "But yes, she came. She pretty much said 'I told you so'. Gosh, she must have been so happy when my technology blew up in my face just like she always said it would."

"Don't say that. She was only looking out for you." Chariot frowned.

"Hmf. Well… we'll have to agree to disagree." Her voice sounded a bit angry, but Chariot knew it wasn't directed at her. "She only wanted a suitable heir; not a daughter."

Chariot could only sigh in response; this was a talk they'd had more than a few times in the past and Croix only ever saw the worst case scenario.

"That's just your insecurity speaking; she would have loved you just the same if you weren't the best witch of your generation."

"Right." She didn't even try to dissimulate her skepticism. "That's why she worshipped the ground you walked on; oh, a descendant of one of the Nine Olde Witches? Owner of the legendary Claiomh Solais? Croix, why can't you be like her?"

"That's… not what happened." Sure, she got along well enough with Croix's mom the one and only time she visited her house, but that didn't mean she liked her better than her own daughter, right? Plus, like, her heritage and ownership of a stupid golden rod didn't make her better than Croix in any way.

"Look. My relationship with Mellea is complicated, and it won't be solved overnight." Croix said in the end. "And I mean, we could keep talking about it till the end of time, or until we end up fighting again, but I really don't want to do that. So… can we please talk about something else?"

Now, as much as Chariot wanted to indulge her and make up for how their earlier conversation had been abruptly cut short, she could already feel her eyes getting heavy, and the last thing she wanted was to fall asleep mid-conversation and leave Croix hanging, so…

"Well… I'm actually very tired myself." She yawned. "And I have to wake up early in the morning too. I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"

"… Fine." She agreed, but she did sound a bit disappointed, even if it was obvious she was trying to hide it. "I look forward to it. See you tomorrow."

"Sleep well, Croix."

"You too… my Cherry."


A/N: Well... that was short. But at least we got some adult Charoix. Plus, next chapter will have much more emotional drama, which is always something to look forward to, right? Anyways, if you're still reading and you want to support this fic please leave a review/favorite/follow. I really do appreciate them a lot. So, thank you and see you in two weeks :)

Thanks to my beta reader moonwatcher13.