Chapter 41: How to say it?

Akko was walking to class. It was a normal morning at Luna Nova; full of teenage girls on the corridors who talked to their friends and tried to get to class on time. The sun was coming in through the windows and the wind gently moved the branches of the trees outside. Really, nothing was amiss at all… except inside Akko's head.

Since she last spoke to her mentor a few days prior, Akko couldn't shake off those distracting, and slightly worrying thoughts that plagued her mind.

First of all, her idol was a lesbian. Or at least she preferred women. No big deal, right? She didn't mind that at all, and was genuinely happy for her.

Except… that kinda, sorta made her remember something.

She loved Shiny Chariot; that was no secret to anyone. She'd shouted her love for her for the world to hear. A platonic love, of course. Well… for the most part, at least.

She remembered when she first hit puberty. How her friends would talk about how cute the boys were and whatnot. And, while she did participate in those conversations more often than not, she would always inevitably end up talking about Shiny Chariot. How she was cooler than any boy. How wonderful her magic was. How pretty her eyes were and… yes, even how amazing her body looked.

She remembered how she would just stare at Shiny Chariot's poster for hours, imagining the day she'd finally meet her, how she'd ask her to teach her magic, how she'd ride on her broom and… well… gosh, she'd even imagined how hugging her would feel like.

She'd never imagined anything more risky though. Thankfully! It was awkward enough as it was to know her once-crush was actually now her teacher!

Wait… crush?

She'd been in denial for the past few days, but eventually she decided to just accept it. Yes, she'd had a crush on Shiny Chariot once. Big deal. Everyone has had a crush on a celebrity at least once, right? Granted, most people don't actually meet their celebrity crush, much less take classes from them, but… that's not what was really bothering her. Her feelings for Shiny Chariot were now in the past, having been replaced for the respect and gratefulness she felt towards her mentor.

No. What really bothered get was…

If she really once had a crush on Chariot, who was undoubtedly a girl… did that mean she could, perhaps… love other girls too?

It didn't seem like that much of a stretch, to be honest. And she wasn't sure how to feel about it, or what to do.

Part of her wanted to just… bury it. Forget about it. She knew she liked boys, after all! So what if she could also love girls? What did that matter? She could just find a cute boy, fall in love with him and forget about this whole ordeal! It was a great plan!

Well… not really. Because she had a feeling that her heart had already been stolen by someone else without her knowledge or consent.

Diana.

Ugh. It just had to be Diana! It was almost unfair. The girl was pretty much perfect in every single way possible! How did anyone expect her poor little heart to resist that?! It really should be illegal to be just so freaking perfect.

Her palms got all sweaty when she talked to her. Her mind shut down every time Diana moved her hair in that way. Her heart fluttered every time she saw her smile. A silly little grin appeared on her lips every time she thought of her.

There was no doubt, was it? But… now what? What to do? How to act? She had no idea. Maybe she should ask for help.

But… she didn't really feel ready to talk about it with her friends. Not because she didn't trust them or because she thought they might not accept her, but… talking about a crush with your friends was something too casual. It didn't really fit with the confusion and overwhelming feelings she was experiencing right then. She needed someone older and wiser to guide her. She needed to talk to Ursula.

She'd avoided her teacher for a few days, feeling awkward thanks to the realization that she'd once had a crush on her mentor's younger self, but… she needed her. She missed their little daily chats and her magical skills were also resenting the sudden lack of daily lessons so… she really should stop by the Astronomy Tower later.

She just had to be really careful not to say anything about how she once had a crush on her and everything would be fine.


Chariot wasn't expecting a knock on her door that evening. Akko had told her that she had some things to do that week, so she wouldn't be attending their tutoring sessions for a few days. It was obviously an excuse, of course, but she couldn't really blame the girl for having that reaction after the stories she'd told her recently.

Yet, she was happily surprised when she found her favorite student at the other side of the door, looking at her sheepishly.

"Hey, sensei." She said awkwardly. "Uhm… I wanted to talk to you… if that's okay?"

"Of course it's okay, Akko!" She reassured with a gentle smile. "Please come in, I'll get you some tea."

"Thanks." She smiled back, although the professor could still see some hesitation in her eyes. Nevertheless, Akko got inside her room and went to sit on the couch, waiting patiently until the tea was ready and Ursula came back with two cups.

"Thanks." Akko repeated as she took her own cup, sipping from it and staring at the distance for a few moments, as if trying to choose her words carefully.

"So… what did you want to talk about?" She prompted gently.

"I…" She opened her mouth, only to close it again a second later, frowning. "I just… this is a bit weird, but… I think I might have a crush on someone?" It came out as a question more than a sentence, further accentuated when she turned to look at her teacher with a questioning look on her eyes. "I'm not entirely sure though…"

"I see." Ursula smiled. She already had had a feeling that's what this was all going to be about. "Had you never had a crush on anyone else?"

"Yes, but not…" Akko paused, blushing brightly and pretty much whispered the next words. "Not a girl."

"Ohhh." The professor tried to act surprised, but it was really hard when she knew exactly who Akko was talking about.

"Yeah… And it's different, you know? Less obvious, I think. Maybe because I hadn't considered the possibility, but… yeah."

"So this is your first crush with a girl?" She asked, wanting Akko to elaborate a bit more. This anticipation and frustration she had been feeling for a while now had just been intensified tenfold, but she still couldn't rush things. She had to let Akko figure things out at her own pace.

"Well…" Akko blushed brightly. "Kinda? Do celebrity crushes count?" She chuckled, but Ursula immediately knew who she was referring to, and now it was her turn to blush. After all, there was only one female 'celebrity' Akko was pretty much obsessed with.

"Akko!" Ursula chastised her, trying to cover her bright red cheeks with her hands.

"No! I didn't mean… it isn't…" Akko tried to deny the obvious, but paused, realizing she couldn't. She was a terrible liar. It'd be too obvious. "Alright, it was you, but not really you, you know? It was Shiny Chariot. She's… younger? And… sexier?" Akko finished with a nervous laugh.

Now, Ursula was really glad Akko didn't love her, because it'd be extremely awkward for both of them, but… It still hurt to be basically called old and not-sexy. Akko must have noticed the effect her words had on her though, because she quickly rushed to reassure her.

"I didn't mean it in a bad way! You're still young! A-and… uhm… I'm sure Croix thinks you're sexy? But… I'm in love with Diana now!" Only after the words left her mouth, did Akko register what she had just said, and quickly covered her mouth with her hands as if trying to prevent it from betraying her once again.

"So… Diana?" Ursula smiled teasingly, which just made Akko's face turn even redder. "I can't say I am surprised. She's certainly beautiful, and she seems like a good friend."

"Y-yeah…" Akko look to the side, avoiding her teacher's gaze. "But… I-I… I never thought something like this would happen! And now I don't know what to think or do, or… I just don't know!" The professor could hear her desperation clear as day in her voice, and she almost felt bad for her. It really reminded her of her old school days.

"I just… I don't know…" Akko continued, wearing a distressed expression. "I thought maybe I could ask you how things happened between you and Croix-sensei, and maybe that'll help me?" She looked at her with a pleading expression. "You have more experience with these things…"

"I see." She smiled. "Alright, if that's what you really want, I'll tell you how I confessed to Croix, but afterwards, we'll talk more about your own feelings, alright?"

"Yes! Thank you sensei!" She eagerly agreed before shifting to a more comfortable position on the couch.

"Alright. It all started two days after I unlocked the fourth word. Croix was still refusing to talk to me at all."


I'm munching on my potatoes, concentrating intently on each movement of my teeth. Crush, release. Crush release. I don't want to think about anything else. I don't want to think about the loveshroom. I don't want to think about… her. Oh gosh. Croix. Why…? How…? I don't… I can't even form coherent thoughts when she appears on my mind. It's ridiculous! She doesn't have any right to be so… so… perfect.

With those damn green eyes. So enigmatic. So alluring. So beautiful. And… that stupid hair! Such a unique color. Such a messy style. So fluffy! I just want to run my hands through it until she falls asleep in my arms! Is that weird? Gosh, it sounds so weird! But… it feels so natural. It feels like I'm really, truly and irrevocably in love with her.

And… and she doesn't even want to see me.

My heart clenches at the mere thought, leaving me almost breathless, but I quickly stuff my mouth with more potatoes before I can dwell in it too much; concentrating on munching on my food instead.

Ugh. It's only been two days! How am I supposed to survive the week? Or worse. The month? The year? Gosh, I hope it doesn't take that long.

But there's really only one way to end my torture, isn't it? And… just thinking about it makes my stomach turn with anxiety.

"Chariot!" Enid calls, clearly annoyed, and I look up, startled. Judging by the twins' faces, it seems they've been trying to get my attention for quite some time. I smile sheepishly.

"Y-yeah?" I say.

"What's gotten into you? Are you in love or something?" She half-jokes, but my body immediately reacts at her accusation, blushing madly before I can stop myself.

I try to mumble an excuse, but I only manage some indiscernible squeaks that don't really resemble words.

"Oh my gosh, you are!" Anaid exclaims happily as she gets up from her chair and leans over the table towards me, wearing an excited expression. "Who's the lucky girl?"

"I-I…" I'm trying to deny the accusations, or maybe to stop my mouth from spilling the truth, but… something else catches my attention as I finish processing her words. "Wait… how did you know it's a girl?"

"Hm?" Anaid seems confused for a second, but instantly shakes her head and recovers. "Oh, I'm sorry, is it a boy?" By her mischievous expression, I suspect she already knows my answer, so I blush deeply.

"… No." I practically whisper.

"Is it Croix?" Enid is the one who speaks next, wearing an odious smirk on her face.

I can only blush even more in response, to the point I fear my cheeks might have caught fire, which is all the answer the twins need.

"I knew it!" Enid exclaimed happily before turning to her sister. "See, I told you the shroom would do the trick."

"Wait… what?" My mind might be a mess right now, but I can still understand the implications of what she just said. "You mean… the lovestool?"

The twins look at each other guiltily and then Anaid speaks.

"Look, Char, it was for your own good."

"And for our own good as well." Enid mumbles.

"Yeah. It was getting kinda annoying seeing Croix's longing gaze always glued to you. Something you seemed painfully unaware of." Anaid agrees.

"Plus, hearing you ramble for hours about how perfect she was, yet not having a clue about what you really felt for her was getting painful to witness." Enid adds.

"We had to do something!" They both conclude.

"B-but…" I open and close my mouth like a gaping fish, not knowing what to say to this sudden confession.

"And seeing the whole school burn thanks to your little mistake with the love potion would have been fun…" Enid says.

"…If not because we accidentally ended up drinking it too." Anaid adds, annoyed.

"I-I… well… you deserve it!" My voice finally seems to find a way out of my mouth. "Do you have any idea how stressing and confusing the whole ordeal was to me?"

The twins just shrug unapologetically.

"Look, without our little push, it would have taken you two a whole decade to work things out between you, so be a little more grateful, okay?" Enid answers.

"Yeah. Now you just need to confess and everything will be sorted out between you and that nerd you love so much." Anaid then speaks, her words making me blush all over again.

"I-I… I can barely breathe when I'm anywhere near Croix! How do you expect me to confess?!" I try to reason.

"Maybe if you faint near her enough times, she'll get the hint." Enid jokes.

"I wouldn't count on it." Anaid sighs. "You know, for a self-proclaimed genius, she can be pretty stupid."

"Hey, don't call her that!" I defend her instinctively.

"Sorry, but any person with half a brain can see that you've got the hots for her. Yet she keeps hiding and looking at you from afar with that dumb guilty face."

"She's almost as dumb as you." Enid concludes, nodding wisely.

I can just lay my arms on the table in front of me and rest my chin on top of them as I let out a long sigh.

"I just wished she'd stop avoiding me." I say dejectedly.

Even if I'm not sure I'd be able to last more than two seconds in her general proximity without fainting, it still hurts to see her run away from me all the time. Maybe I misinterpreted what she said at the Astronomy Tower? When the whole lovestool ordeal was over? Maybe… maybe she doesn't really love me. Maybe that's just what I wanted to hear.

My heart clenches painfully at the thought, and I end up having to shut my eyes tight to stop my tears from falling.

Oh gosh, why?! One moment I'm happy, the next I'm a blushing, mumbling mess, and suddenly I'm crying? What's with all these weirdly intense emotions? It's like there' no in-between anymore. Everything is extreme when it comes to Croix.

"Not the sulking again…" I hear Enid mumble before letting out a little pained gasp. Probably thanks to her sister elbowing her ribs.

"Chariot, listen." Anaid says as she sits next to me. "I know this might be scary for you, but if you want things to get better, you should do something about it." She laughs. "I mean, I think we all know Croix's not going to take the first step."

Yeah, knowing her, Croix's plan is probably to avoid me for the rest of the school year. And it's her last year in Luna Nova. I can't afford that. I can't lose her! But… gosh. The alternative is almost as scary.

But which one will bring you more joy?

The voice inside my head startles me, but then I realize where it came from.

Alcor! I yell telepathically. How long have you been listening?!

Enough. Do ethereal crows sleeping inside ancient magical artefacts smile? Because I'm pretty sure he's smiling obnoxiously.

Listen. All I'm saying is that no one is going to give you happiness like a gift wrapped up with a perfect bow. You have to search for it yourself.

Yeah, yeah. Whatever. I don't need your wise words.

Except… ugh. I gotta admit he's right, like usual. And so are the twins.

Croix's not going to talk to me any time soon, and if I don't do something, I could end up losing her. And just the simple thought of that happening feels like a dagger burying itself deeply inside my chest. I don't want to live without her! I don't think I even could. I know it might sound silly, but I genuinely feel like I'll die if she… if… if I never see her again.

No. I… I can't allow it! I have to be brave and… and… confess.

I don't know how, but I will. I already fought a giant spider, a rock monster thingy and two dragons!

Surely a honest talk with my best friend (and crush) can't possibly be more difficult and scary than that!

Right?


A/N: Thanks to my beta reader moonwatcher13.