Chapter 46: Comfort.
After leaving her apartment, Croix and I decided to simply go for a walk around the block. The place is very pretty, despite being a city, and now that it's past midday the sunlight actually manages to warm us up a bit; enough to take off my jacket at least. The streets are also surprisingly empty and quiet at this part of the city, and it mostly seems that families are the only ones outside at this hour.
Soon enough, Croix and I get to a park and sit down on a bench, just silently watching the mostly empty branches of the trees moving in synch with the cold winter wind. And… I've never been one to keep quiet, but Croix's been pretty stressed out and I don't want to add any more grief to her already large baggage, so I decide to just sit there in silence until she actually decides if she wants to speak or not.
"So… did she ask too many questions?" Croix finally breaks the silence after what feels like an eternity. The sound of her voice actually startles me with how loud it sounds in this otherwise quiet environment. She's got an awkward tone, but it's also clear that she's mostly curious about what happened between me and her mom while she was in her room.
"We mostly talked about you." I answer honestly.
"Oh?" She tries to appear indifferent, but by the way her eyes keep shifting between me and the leaf-covered ground, I sense that she wants me to elaborate a little more.
"She… told me you were a difficult kid." I say cautiously. I don't want to upset her, after all, and I guess this might be a sensitive topic for her, but… I kinda want to hear her version. To my surprise, she chuckles.
"That might be an understatement."
"Huh?" I tilt my head. I never expected Croix to just… admit it like that.
"I don't really remember much of my childhood, but… she's showed me some videos." She makes a grimace that then turns into a sheepish smile. "Let me tell you… after seeing that, I decided that I never want to have children."
I fake a smile at her comment, but… I hope she's joking about the children thing. I mean, I know it's way too soon, and we're way too young, but… someday, many years in the future, if I'm still with Croix by then (which I certainly hope) I would like to have kids.
"Why?" I ask.
"Well… let's just say I was annoying as fuck and threw the loudest tantrums." She laughs. "But then again… that might be because… I spent the longest time at the orphanage and… also with plenty of families that tried to adopt me and regretted it soon after." She tries to cover a grimace as she speaks but... I know her too well. It's very obvious for me that her eyes have become saddened, even if it would be invisible to any other person.
"Well… at least you eventually did find a permanent family." I try to cheer her up.
"Mellea." She sighs. "I did mean it when I said it never quite felt like we were a real family, you know?" She makes a pause, looking at the distance as if reminiscing of something she's already familiar with; a sad movie she plays over and over in her head even if it doesn't make her feel any better. "She only wanted an heir; an extension of herself. Not a real daughter."
"Why do you say that?" I ask. I mean… Mellea herself did say something similar, but I still got the impression that she genuinely cares about Croix nonetheless.
"Did she tell you why she chose me?" She did, but I shake my head, curious as to what she'll say. "Well… she was a regular at the orphanage." She starts, a bittersweet smile on her face. "She'd come week after week, interviewing all the kids between four and seven years of age, but never being quite satisfied… until my turn came."
I look at her curiously as she pauses again. She seems nostalgic as she speaks, but also hesitant and slightly agitated, like she doesn't want to remember. Yet, she keeps talking.
"During the interview, I didn't speak except when she asked questions. I was good at that game; I'd played it dozens of times before, and I knew that, no matter what, I never won." Croix then frowns and I tense, knowing this is about to get serious. "That's when… she gave me this weird object. I didn't know what it was back then, but now I know that it was a Luna Nova wand." A… wand? I raise an eyebrow. Why would Mellea give a wand to some random girl? "At first nothing happened, but I kept looking at it, trying to figure out how it worked. And… just when Mellea was about to take it away from me… the tip lit up."
Oh.
"She then explained to me what magic was, she said that she was from an ancient family of witches, and she offered to teach me and… get me into this literally magical world." She shook her head in bitter amusement, as if she thought her younger self had been a fool. "Of course, I accepted immediately. Even though I loved technology, I was suddenly fascinated by this new possibility I'd been presented to. And… most importantly, I thought I was special somehow; that I was born to be a witch. Maybe even that I was from a family of witches as well."
"Croix…"
"Of course time would prove me wrong." Croix scoffed. "I struggled a lot even with the most simple of spells; you heard my mom." She continued. "And… the worst part was that every time I failed, I was scared Mellea would send me back to the orphanage."
"Did she… ever seriously threaten to do that?" I inquire. Really, from their relationship… I wouldn't be surprised if that was the case.
"I don't remember." She answers with a casual shrug that seemed to be trying to hide a mountain of pain. "She did allude to it a couple of times, but it was mostly when I refused to forget about technology."
"What?" I exclaim. "That's dumb."
"Eh." She shrugs again, but this time the pain is even more apparent. "At least she never hit me, or punished me by not giving me food or… something." She seemed to deflate at that last part, and her next words came out as a whisper. "Like… the others."
Wow.
Seriously, just…
What do you even say to that? I mean… just what did Croix go through? I can't even begin to imagine it. I don't even want to imagine it. Just picturing a little girl with messy lilac hair and innocent green eyes feeling sad makes my heart ache more than I'd like to admit.
"H-hey." I hesitantly grab her hand, trying to think of a way to comfort her, but I honestly don't know if I should even say anything. However, when her sad teal eyes land on mine, looking at me like I'm her last hope for happiness, my mouth starts talking on its own. "I can't even imagine all that you had to suffer, and at such a young age too! B-but… you're safe now! You've got people who care about you a-and-"
"People who care about me?" She scoffs, cutting me off. "Like who?"
"Like me!" I practically yell at her. "I care about you more than I have ever cared about anyone."
"Y-yeah…" She says hesitantly after my sudden outburst, blushing involuntary and deviating her gaze. "I know. I still can't comprehend why, but I know you do care." She then lets out a long sigh. "I meant… aside from you."
"Well…" I pause, knowing that what I will say next will bring out conflict, but… she needs to hear it. "I do think Mellea cares about you. In her own way."
"She cares about what I can give her." She laughs bitterly. "A good reputation to the family name, an heir to carry on her legacy, connections to one of the nine ancient families…" She trails off, looking pointedly at me. " If she really cared about me as a person, as a daughter, then she wouldn't try to stop me from 'tinkering with technology', she wouldn't yell at me every time my grades are anything less than perfect, and she definitely wouldn't be trying to make me meet my birth mother when I said I didn't want to."
"Well… that's true." I reluctantly admit. "But I really do think she believes all of that is for your own good."
"Hah! Yeah, even meeting the woman who dumped me on the street to die." She says sarcastically. "I'm sure that could only bring me joy."
"Maybe not joy, but… at least closure." I try to reason. "And answers too! Don't you want to know why she did it?"
"Not anymore." She answers, her gaze hardening as she looks to the distance. "I don't need her answers. I don't need her closure." She tenses her jaw. "All I need is to forget I've ever even had a mother. Biological or otherwise."
"Croix…" I trail off, not knowing what to say. I feel like this is too complicated and delicate for me to fully understand, or even to know how to comfort Croix. All I can really do is give her hand a gentle squeeze to silently communicate I'm here for her.
"I'm sorry." She sighs. "I know I'm a mess, and sometimes I still wonder how you can even handle me."
"Hey, it's alright." I assure her, scooting just a little closer to her, so that our sides are flushed together. "You're not some situation to be 'handled'. You're a complicated person, with your own past, your own troubles and your own demons. And I love you, and I will support you no matter what happens."
"Chariot…" She stares at me with wide eyes for a few seconds and then swiftly turns around and wipes her eyes with her sleeve. I don't think she's crying, but I do believe she teared up a little.
"Hey, it's alright." I gently pat her back as reassurance.
"S-sorry, I just… uhm…" She stutters, obviously struggling to find an excuse. "Dust. There's dust in my eye."
"Sure thing." I chuckle, not believing her for a second.
"A-anyways." She clears her throat, trying to appear composed as she turns back to look at me. "Thank you." She gives me a tiny smile that, despite being barely apparent, does appear to be sincere. "Really, I don't know what I'd do without you."
"Hey, that's what girlfriends are for, right?" I smile back, trying to cheer her up. "I love you, and I will be here for you no matter what."
"Chariot." Her smile widens and her eyes soften as she looks at me, leaning in ever so slowly. My heart then starts pumping loudly inside my chest in anticipation and my cheeks start feeling warm. "I love you too."
And finally, we close our eyes and let our lips meet just a moment later. We don't need words anymore. We don't need to see each other. We don't need anything except this physical connection between our bodies; this dance that speaks a thousand words without making a sound. Our secret language that only we can share.
I wrap my arms around her shoulders, pulling her closer, and she does the same with my waist. We're intertwined in this fervent embrace, and for a few blissful moments, the rest of the world disappears; Mellea, Croix's birth mother, the seven words, and even the cold winter air surrounding us. In those ephemeral instants, only we exist in the world.
But unfortunately, all good things eventually come to an end. And not exactly in the way you expect.
"Degenerates." I hear someone muttering under her breath. In French. Which… is weird. I definitely wasn't expecting to hear my native language here. Curious, I pull away from the kiss and turn to look for the person in question, and I find her sitting at an adjacent bench. I hadn't even realized we weren't alone anymore!
The woman is dressed relatively elegantly; with a modest black skirt and a dark blue blouse that combines with her pale purple hair tied in a neat bun. She is also extremely skinny, almost sickly so, and has skin is as white as a ghost. Still, I guess she could be pretty if it wasn't for the disgusted expression she's making at us.
"Chariot…?" Croix asks, clearly confused about me interrupting our intimate moment. However, I just keep staring at the woman with what I hope is an intimidating expression.
"Do you have a problem?" I ask in French, which makes Croix turn around and look at the person I'm talking to.
The woman startles, probably having assumed no one would understand what she had said, but she recovers quickly, looking sternly at me.
"You're French? Unbelievable!" She exclaims in outrage. "Such a disgrace."
"What did we even do?" I ask. "I'm just trying to have a good time with my girlfriend! And you're being rude for no reason."
"Sinners like you shouldn't even exist." She scoffs. "You should repent now if you want to save your souls."
Repent? Sinners? What's this crazy lady going on about? Wait… That thing in her hand… it looks like a… uhm… how's that thing called? The one people use to pray? Rosary? Or something? Huh. That would make sense. I've heard some religious people aren't really fond of "homosexuality". I thought that was in the past though.
Plus… let's just say that witches don't exactly have a nice relationship with the Christian religion. Mainly because of the witch hunts. So… yeah. I already don't like this woman.
"I'm not going to repent for loving my girlfriend, you crazy woman. So… why don't you just go away?"
Predictably, my words make her face turn red in anger and she gets up from the bench, no doubt ready to give me a lecture, when Croix, who had been just listening quietly until now, also gets up and steps on her way. Surprisingly, they're almost the same height even if Croix isn't wearing heels.
"Fuck off." Croix says in English. I don't even know if the woman understands her, but… her intention is clear. "I don't know what you said, but if you're upsetting Chariot in any way, I'll knock your fucking lights out."
The woman gasps and takes a step back, clearly afraid and enraged in equal proportion. I'm not sure if she's about to flee or keep insulting us (and enraging Croix in the process), but I don't intend to find out.
"Wait!" I quickly get up as well and grab her arm. "It's alright. There's no need for violence."
"Just like I said; degenerates." She scoffs, scrunching her nose at us like we're a pair of disgusting insects, and then turns around, walking away from us.
"Yeah, go bother someone else, you rude lady!" I yell in French as she goes away, while Croix just chooses to alternate her gaze between me and her, as if trying to decipher what exactly just happened.
"Who was that?" She asks, raising an eyebrow.
"Some mean woman, don't worry about it." I say, smiling reassuringly at her.
"Are you sure you don't want me to turn her into a frog or something?" She asks semi-seriously. "You seemed very upset."
"Nah, it's fine, really!" I quickly assure her. I don't want her to worry about someone that clearly seems to be stuck in the last century when we're just a couple of hours away from meeting her birth mother, after all. The point of this whole outing thing was to keep her mind off things and to help her relax a little.
"Alright…" She says, but she seems unsure, like she's not quite ready to drop the subject.
"Hey… I believe we were doing something before she interrupted us." I say mischievously as I get just a little closer to her and wrap my arms around her neck.
"Were we now?" She raises an eyebrow and smiles before also wrapping her arms around my waist and pulling me closer, so that our bodies are flush together and our noses are practically touching. Well, it seems like I successfully made her forget about that weird encounter.
"Yeah… I can't quite remember what we were doing, however." I say, speaking so close to her mouth that she's sure to feel my breath ghosting over her lips.
"I believe I can help trigger your memory." She chuckles, hesitating for only a fraction of an instant before capturing my lips between hers one more time.
And so we kiss, just enjoying each other's closeness and showing our love in this wonderful physical way. I just hope that this time we don't get interrupted by anyone else, because I do intend to spend the next few hours kissing my girlfriend. Oh yes, I'm serious! I'll kiss her until our lips become swollen. I'll kiss her like I've never kissed her before because that's the only way I can think of taking her mind off the difficult trials that await her.
A/N: Sorry, I wanted this chapter to be more uplifting, but I guess this entire arc will be depressing as fuck lol. Thankfully next chapter is the last one in which we'll be centered on Croix's mother and hopefully we'll get some adult Charoix as well.
Thanks for reading and please leave a review/favorite/follow if you want me to keep writing.
Thanks to my beta reader moonwatcher13.
