Probably the deepest chapter I've written yet

They'll be sporadic, next few chapters will be a lot lighter...at least for the Mergana duo lol

But yeah WARNING for heavy real world events, the actual chapter won't go into detail by those too much, but I will give a generalization


Seems like watching reruns of Friends was enough to at least get Merlin to eat his food while observing the comedic scenes on the screen.

Morgana was glad about that much, if Merlin thought it slipped her mind that he ate nothing at all today than she is absolutely not sorry to disappoint him.

Also she really worked hard on that roast, Merlin was a man of simple taste aside from the occasional exotic food he'd rather go for more "traditional" meals.

She'll get him into pineapple pizza one day, mark her words.

Given the 24 hours they've had? This was practically a holiday in comparison.

Still when she thinks back to just an hour ago...she might have actually died…

She didn't have tangible proof but…she just felt that if Arthur had succeeded in his attack she would have been gone.

Merlin would have undoubtedly thrown any morals he had out the window, and well…Arthur and Mordred got a mere taste of what she herself knew he was fully capable of.

But more importantly, he would be all alone.

The first time she felt Merlin like that was during the climax of the second world war.

After missing out in the first global conflict due to their policy of not involving themselves in mortal affairs after their marriage. However they decided to answer the call to arms this time around, as the devastation dealt by the previous war was too much for them to ignore.

However, Morgana unfortunately was stuck in Europe. Not only acting as a nurse but manning any anti aircraft weaponry as women were forbidden from being in direct combat roles. Of course the only reason she complied was that battlefields after the invention of explosives became too dangerous for her to simply lurk behind enemy lines and use magic from afar…all it took was one tank, one stray missile to maybe aim a bit too close for comfort. It was simply no longer possible for her to discreetly use magic to her benefit during a battle unlike in Camelot where she need only watch out for an arrow or reckless knight.

However this meant that she had no way to know what happened to Merlin when his aura suddenly disappeared from her senses in 1944, no amount of scrying seemed to work almost as if she were being blocked by something. And only when he returned not long after the war had ended did she begin to feel a more…sinister tone beneath his once warm noble aura.

It was angry, vengeful, spiteful. It honestly felt like something she herself would have unleashed rather than anything Merlin would have.

He was never the same after that. Whatever happened to him within that year destroyed him, completely changing his perception of the world…and the people living in it.

She tried her best to get through to him but it was as if she were speaking to a ghost, and eventually he left her. For years he kept evading her pursuits, until she learned from Aithusa that Merlin was the one responsible for the tensions building up between America and the Soviets. Finally in 1962 she able to stop him and prevent his wrath on the world in the form of Nuclear annihilation. Ever since then she worked hard to try and help heal Merlin of his trauma, which was the source that fueled the darkness within him.

He would have done the same if she were in his shoes. All they have is each other, no one else would care what happens to them.

So if Arthur had actually killed her…

Well, she remembers how she herself felt when Merlin pierced himself with excalibur all those years ago. She was expecting to feel satisfaction, fulfillment, or even pity.

Instead she felt…empty.

Lost, confused, hurt, sad, in those precious few moments she realized that she was in fact all alone now. Merlin was the only one who knew the real her, who understood her and the only other person who can possibly fathom what the life of an Immortal is like.

So the thought of Merlin having to feel that same feeling, combined with his fractured state of mind and all that he's been through?

She doubts that the world, least of all Arthur would survive the wrath of Emrys.

She shudders at the thought, and resolves that it won't happen. No one but her can release excalibur and she never intends to. Destiny has lost its most valuable weapon against her.

She can just now focus on getting Merlin's recovery back on track. Prior to Arthur's meddling he was doing rather well all things considered. Their decision to isolate themselves in the wilderness bore fruit. Merlin's senses and mood softened at being among nature once more.

And simply doing activities in which he can rediscover the good in people like working in orphanages or shelters or even the botanical garden.

She hopes that it's not too late to save his smile.

"I'm sorry."

Morgana snapped out of her thoughts and turned to Merlin who was staring down at his half eaten plate.

"I promised you that you wouldn't have to see me like that again. That I wouldn't…"

Morgana rubbed his arm, willing him to keep going.

"That I wouldn't lose myself again. I do remember my promise to you, I swear I do. And so long as we both draw breath I will never break it."

Morgana pulled him over to her and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, Merlin's head leaning on her neck.

"You're too hard on yourself, the man you once called friend was about to kill your wife. If it were the other way around and it was Morgause trying to kill you, I wouldn't have held back either."

Merlin gripped her arms, wanting to relish in this feeling.

"I don't like being that way."

"I know."

"I feel so dirty."

"No more than I was dear."

"Sometimes I still think about it."

Morgana looked down at Merlin, who kept his gaze at the tv.

"I keep remembering the sheer conviction I had, the feeling of utter disgust at the thought of humans destroying the world in which I was born. For meddling with forces beyond their understanding. For daring to take what doesn't belong to them, for trying to…" Merlin bit his lip. For so long he kept this from his wife, not wanting her to pity him anymore than she already has.

"Merlin stop. This isn't me showing you pity, this me caring about you and your wellbeing." Morgana can definitely read that look on Merlin's face, so self-deprecating.

Truly there was no one, neither in the past nor present, who hated Merlin more than Merlin himself.

She suspects that whatever trauma that drives the dark impulses within Merlin, has somehow found a way to connect itself to Arthur. But how?

"Please tell me, don't you think I have a right to finally know?" Morgana leaned their foreheads together. Hoping that Merlin would just let it out, surely now nearly a century later they can finally talk about it.

Merlin looked into her beautiful emerald eyes, and wondered if he should really shatter her mind with the truth?

He promised her he would never lie to her again.

Given that his first lie to her led to Destiny tearing them apart…he should know better by now.

Merlin sighed and with a steady voice and clear throat he told her everything.

"It was in April of 1944, we had just crushed the Nazi forces defending the Bergen-Belsen death camp and we liberated it."

Morgana can see how heavy this was weighing Merlin, she only saw the pictures like everyone else. He actually saw the cruelty firsthand.

"It was absolutely horrific, it made anything Uther did in his genocide of sorcerers pale in comparison.

My squad helped the survivors in any way we could. I had every intention of wiping that…place off the face of the earth, but when it was time to depart I stayed behind in order to rain down lightning from the heavens. When I was struck by a projectile which temporarily canceled out my magic. Shocked I was unaware to the blow on my head, which knocked me unconscious."

Morgana was shocked.

"Canceled his magic?! How?! What mortal contraption could have possibly been able to do that?!"

"When I awoke, I was strapped to a table in what appeared to be a laboratory. The scientists working were German, the guards were German, even the fucking dogs were German!" Merlin's eyes turned gold as the room began to shake.

Morgana's own golden eyes kept the house stable as she told Merlin to breathe, that it's all in the past now.

Merlin sighed, "Sorry."

"It's fine, don't worry."

Merlin used his magic to fix the broken plate that fell and cleaned the floor of the food he simply could not finish right now.

"Merlin, what I don't understand is how? How were those mortals able to even know you had magic? Let alone manage to overpower you?" Morgana knew it wasn't impossible, in the past cold iron was used to subdue sorcerers. But it wouldn't work on Merlin or at least it shouldn't be able to work on Merlin.

It would be akin to a dam trying to stop a tsunami...it's just not going to happen.

Merlin knew that once he said this, he couldn't take it back. Not without violating Morgana's trust if he were to dare wipe her memory of this conversation.

Morgana held his hands tightly. "Listen, we have persevered through many obstacles even individually. So together? What have we to worry about?"

Merlin could see the sheer determination in her eyes, how he always appreciated her ability to turn any tragic event into the fuel that pushes her forward.

He used to be that way; he remembers. Lately however…

"Merlin, perhaps part of the reason you haven't been able to move on is simply because you've been holding it in for all these years."

And it wasn't like they could get a therapist for multiple reasons.

One - Merlin isn't exactly the easiest to get him to spill his guts especially to a stranger.

Two - The damn therapist wouldn't believe them anyway.

Three - Even if they did, they'd just try to get them admitted into some asylum…where she'd have to kill everyone to escape.

Four - If proved their words were true...than they'd have to kill the poor therapist before being reported to governments all over the world...

So it's up to her to play therapist instead.

"Please don't do it for me, do it for you. Who did this to you?"

Merlin took a deep breath, gathering the will power oozing from the love of his life.

"The man who led those monsters was Cornelius Sigan."

Morgana widened her eyes and failed to stifle a gasp.

"Sigan? But wasn't he-"

"The sorcerer whose spirit is able to possess others? Yes." Merlin gripped his forehead as he tried to keep from being lost in his memories of his time in that hell.

Morgana was so confused, how was Sigan even there? Did he still have magic? How did he even know about Merlin? Or even where to find him?!

"Merlin what did he—"

"No."

"But-"

"Please…not now."

Morgana stopped; she knew Merlin could take no more. She just needed to know one last thing.

"At least tell me he's dead…?"

Merlin turned away from her as he stood and walked towards the window. The moon being a waning crescent tonight.

Morgana followed him to his left and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"He's still alive, isn't he?"

Merlin looked up at the moon, mystified at its beauty. Wishing that he and Morgana can simply be carried off into the skies above and leave the world to its fate.

But alas, they never did get to have anything without a cost.

"Yes and no."

Morgana squinted her eyes, well what did that mean?

"If you mean, did I destroy his host at the time than yes. I ordered Aithusa to feast on his flesh."

Had Morgana been anyone else she would have winced at the casual cruelty in his voice but she could only wish she'd have been there to witness that sight with her own eyes.

"However no, in my haste to…leave...I had neglected to seal his spirit in another prison. And though before he needed to be in contact with someone to possess them originally, he kept boasting about how much science and technology has improved his knowledge of the ancient arts. He had the Cup of Life, siphoning its power to aid in his experimental search for true everlasting life. Finding a way to remain on this plane no matter how many lives he destroyed." Merlin clenched his fists as the memory of Sigan laughing so cockily as Merlin's screams echoed the lab.

Morgana tried to see what he meant. If Sigan no longer required immediate contact with a body to possess them to survive than…

"If he were a true immortal like us, we'd be able to sense him so that can't be it." She rationalized.

Merlin agreed "Yes, that isn't quite so achievable to Sigan. Though it is one of his ultimate goals."

Morgana thought about it some more…

"Then…he's able to reincarnate his spirit?"

"It was his failsafe."

"But that sounds impractical, like it would be worse than simply possessing someone? Why bother? He'd have to go through life all over again even if he retained his memories and magic."

Merlin sighed "Because it means I'll have no clue how to find him, he can literally be anyone! Anyone! The war was 80 years ago, for all I know he's some decrepit old man or someone as young as 5 and I wouldn't be able to tell!" The window smashed as Merlin's anger finally escaped him.

Morgana quickly fixed the damage before she turned Merlin's gaze to hers.

"Who cares, let him come. I'm not afraid of someone who's pathetically trying to match his betters. He will suffer for what he did. You know full well that I'm quite creative when it comes to revenge. And Sigan's screams will definitely be those that I plan to laugh at the very sound of. Mark my words Merlin." Framing his face in her hands she kissed him with a heated passion.

Merlin eventually pulled back as finally he gave her a smile.

"I always forget just how assertive you can be when you want to destroy someone vehemently."

Morgana's brow rose as she gave a light smirk. "This time we're in this together."

Merlin's smile grew as his aura once more became quiet and peaceful, and with a solid nod "Always."

Destiny thinks they can be intimidated by Sigan? Wrong. It doesn't matter who it is, Arthur, Mordred, Sigan or the fates themselves. They weren't going down so easily.

As the night dragged on, they decided to get ready for bed, Morgana changed into her sleepwear while tying her hair into a bun.

Merlin had taken his medication, just as he promised her.

Merlin was already beneath the sheets watching the evening news on the telly.

"Astrologists say that soon in the coming months we'll see a once in a millennium phenomenon known to experts as the Conjunction: Planetary Alignment. Or in laymen's terms when the planets are in the same part of the sky at the same time."

Huh funny, apparently the same event happened over a thousand years ago actually. Shame she knew shit about astrology back than else she might have actually taken the time to see it.

"This event however will only last around 38 hours, experts are rather befuddled by this since that would mean the planets are orbiting way above their normal speed."

No doubt the work of the Goddess, the alignment of worlds always has a dramatic impact on the magic of said worlds.

"It's sure to be a splendid sight to behold, so be sure to invest in a telescope for you'll definitely want to say that you saw all the planets of our solar system in your lifetime."

Merlin turned off the screen and got himself comfortable.

As Morgana insured the heating was at a reasonable level and that everything was where it should be, she joined him beneath warm covers of their bed.

"We should do something together, something fun. Something we either haven't done or done in a while. Doesn't have to be in England either." Morgana looked at Merlin, wondering if he'd be interested.

Merlin thought about it, yeah it would be nice to get out of this place. It's been long enough and a nice holiday with Morgana definitely sounds like just the thing he needed.

"As long as it isn't India again, I hated those elephants." Merlin than turned off the lights and laid on his pillow.

With a chuckle Morgana shook her head "It's not the elephant's fault that a mouse ran by Merlin." She laid her head on his chest as she could practically feel his eyes rolling.

He wrapped his arms around her, losing himself in her presence. So, at peace.

"No India." He kissed her head.

"Ha, fine fine"

They'd make a decision soon, it's not like they lack the money to go wherever…or just fly there with Aithusa.

"Good night Morgana."

"Good night elephant hater."

Morgana smiled as she felt his hand tap her shoulder, than nodded off as both mages entered the world of dreams.


Few hours earlier

Arthur and Mordred finally dropped at the edge of the forest leading to the cottage.

Both groaning as their throats were so sore from Merlin's attack.

Merlin's attack…

Merlin.

Arthur was at a loss.

He didn't know what to think about all this. He didn't think he could handle it if it turned out that Merlin was not in fact under an enchantment. That ultimately, he truly is in love with Morgana.

Has he completely forgotten everything she's done?

All the people that she hurt and killed in her lust for power?!

Having his uncle kill their father which led to him blaming Merlin.

Killing Elyan, brother to his wife, a loyal friend and trusted knight.

Controlling his precious wife Guinevere to try to kill him and even framed Merlin for poisoning him.

But Morgana can just bat her eyes and Merlin will come barking?!

Why why why?!

Arthur didn't really feel like getting up from the ground. His gaze at the twilight sky, stars just slightly beginning to appear.

If he took everything at face value, than Merlin apparently was the only reason he ever survived anything since he first arrived at Camelot.

And if Merlin truly isn't under any spell by Morgana than…

What is Arthur without Emrys by his side?

Why is he even here?

What purpose does Destiny want done that it restored him to life?

If someone would just tell him…

He heard Mordred finally sitting up and clearing his throat.

"Well…hopefully this teaches you to not call anyone a bastard that can shoot lightning out of her finger tips and has what is essentially a god for a husband..." Mordred kept rubbing his throat in circular motions.

Arthur just kept looking up, he didn't have the patience nor the energy to pretend he cares what Mordred is saying.

Mordred looked at Arthur just being motionless, he didn't think he would look so…pathetic.

It was a far cry from the confident and fierce King he once served and fought so long ago. It was almost a bit sad.

But he didn't have the time to be waiting around for Arthur to get his groove back.

Sometimes he thinks he should have just stayed home but too late, he's in too deep.

"Look, clearly what just happened proved that whatever Morgana has been saying about them? Well it's real. It's clearly something you don't want to acknowledge as true but you need to accept reality. Neither of them want us around." Mordred couldn't be more clear.

Arthur finally has a reaction in the form of his hands gripping the grass and dirt beneath him.

"Surely you see that Merlin wasn't under a love spell?"

"…"

"And even if he were, you do realize he could easily break out of it?"

"…"

Mordred sighed "Out with it, what's the real thing keeping you from just facing the truth?".

Arthur's eyes finally glanced at Mordred "What's the alternative? That my best friend…the man I trusted…the man who apparently never trusted me…the man who said he always believed in me…the man who's always had my back…wants nothing to do with me anymore?" A tear escaped Arthur's eye as he was forced to reveal his greatest fear aloud.

Mordred was a bit stunned, he couldn't say he actually expected Arthur to say what he felt. He couldn't deny that he even felt for the former King.

"It'd be one thing, if it were literally anyone else. Anyone else I would have understood. But Morgana? The same Morgana that caused so much chaos and misery in our lives?" Arthur paused trying to keep his emotions from spiraling out of control, he failed.

"He spits on the lives of our friends and loved ones! For what reason did we fight if he was just going to fuck her the second she paid the slightest attention to him?! Did he even tell Gwen that Morgana was still alive?! Gaius?! Oh how they're spinning in their graves!"

Arthur at this point couldn't stop the tears from flowing, no longer caring and even forgetting that Mordred was right there.

"Then there's her…acting like she was such a damn hero! That she simply couldn't be bothered to acknowledge the terror and pain she inflicted! The sheer hubris and glee when confronted with her past deeds!"

"…" Mordred could see Arthur unraveling and hardly thought he ever saw the old King like this, ever.

"I never would have expected Merlin to become the sort of man who thought with his cock rather than his head! Morgana shows a bit of cleavage and that's it, who cares if she tried and even succeeded in killing many of our friends?!"

With his rant finally losing steam, nothing could he heard except Arthur trying to control his breathing.

To Mordred, well it wasn't like he joined Morgana back than because he genuinely wanted to…he just wanted to hurt Arthur and Merlin.

So he can't really argue the flaws of Morgana that Arthur just so eloquently laid out, as they were what pushed him away from her initially to begin with.

And than there's Merlin…Emrys.

How odd is it that a person can look exactly the same yet it's as if that person is someone else entirely?

Whether as a Knight of Camelot or even a General in Morgana's army…what he felt when Emrys attacked them…he wonders if this is simply the result of whatever happened to Merlin during his years alive that Morgana couldn't tell them. And if that is why his presence never felt so...cold back in Camlann?

Because if so, that Merlin definitely would have made easy work of them in that battle.

"Look Arthur at the very least you'll have to operate under the assumption that Morgana's tale of events are indeed true, which includes their marriage. So why wouldn't it make sense for Merlin to be loyal to his wife?"

And hell from what little he saw of both of them together, even if they weren't married they'd still be in the corner of the other.

"Morgana and Merlin clearly have bonded in ways we'll never truly understand. They did have over a millennia to get over their differences after all."

"…" Arthur would really like to stop thinking about this.

*Sigh* "Well at the very least my phone's damage is limited to just the screen. I'm going to call my parents and inform them I'm staying with an old friend and not to worry."

He's just glad he's finally 18.

Otherwise he'd be forced to bring Arthur back to his home…and well good luck explaining to his parents why their minor son brought home a man nearly double his age…

Arthur idly heard Mordred stand and walked a fair distance away to speak to his parents in private.

He wants to get this done already.

He wants to complete whatever damn Destiny he has.

Anything to be able to go to wherever Gwen is.

To go home…


So yeah, overall I have the general idea of the story planned out, 8/10 I actually write down what I pre thought lol

So how I get from Point A to D is entirely depending how I feel because I swear this story writes itself haha

If you liked what you read please leave a Kudos and a comment if you have any thoughts or suggestions :D 3