"Ah, good day! Is this the headquarters of News Infernal? I would like to take out a subscription to all of your fine publications. I will make the first payment now. Just put me down under the name 'Legate de Legionary'. What? No, I don't know why you think my voice is familiar. I am certainly not a Hero in disguise, using the way that Evil publishes what its major figures do to spy on them. That would be ridiculous. What kind of Hero would be so wickedly cunning? As all us Evil people know, Good isn't that bright."
– A Mysterious Robed and Masked Figure
…
Louise and the dark and very tyrannical usurper-emperor of the mystical lands of Cathay were mid-way through their second dance. It was a very awkward, and not at all romantic affair; partly because neither of them knew any of the dances the other did, but mostly because they were both wearing heavy armour and thus any possible flirtatious touches of flesh against flesh had two layers of demonic steel in the way.
The hordes of journalists drawing sketches of them did not help.
If her parents knew what she was doing, she would be mortified. Quite possibly literally.
But what was about to come would be Louise's most perilous, hazardous, and downright dangerous task so far in all her time of pretending-to-be-an-evil-overlady-but-not-really -being-evil.
She needed the toilet. And was wearing full armour, including an armoured skirt she had never really before and had needed Jessica's help to put on.
Oh dear.
So making her excuses, she made her way to the women's toilets. She was on a timer here, and really didn't want to run out.
"Ah, your wickedness. Shame about the awards, eh? Honestly, I think you really deserve to have won the Halkeginian one; I'd say Shafeela should have lost out for the number of times she's entered it, not to mention the way the Albionese rebels just aren't Evil enough."
Louise glanced at the cravat-wearing demon with the monocle who seemed to have taken her proximity as an excuse to start talking to her. "Thank you," she said, "but I disagree there; I would say that the Albionese rebels are very wicked indeed."
"They overthrew a king and executed him and his son; big fuss. Anyone can do that. It's not even always an Evil act! Where's the sacrifices? The torture of priests? The impalings on spikes? Nowhere to be seen!" The demon flapped his hands. "Oh, they banned festivities and parties at the Silver Pentecost? That's not Evil! That's just boring!"
"Perhaps so," Louise said, trying to step past him.
"Now you? Apart from your armour, you're doing things the proper way. You killed a member of the regency council in a dramatic duel! Bravo, I say!"
Louise had seldom been in the situation where she was trying to escape praise. It was a strange feeling. Well, she hoped that was the strange feeling she was… uh, feeling. "That's kind of you to say…" she began.
"And then stealing a wicked artefact from the forces of Good! That's what we should be encouraging today! That's the exemplar of Evil; humiliating do-Gooders while empowering yourself. Of course, I remember when the de la Vallière family was a proper force of Evil in this land. Those were the days. Why, even the mother of the current Duke once summoned me and I asked her, 'Oh, why did you summon me, little girl?' and then she branded me with a red hot iron and made me suffer for daring to call her a little girl. It turned out, of course, that her bathing in peasant blood led to her sometimes rather overshooting her intended age when restoring her youth, but that didn't matter so much to me when I was writhing in pain! And she plucked out both my eyes when I made fun of her lack of a bust and asked if her husband was into that sort of thing!" He caught Louise's dubious look at his present eyes. "I got better."
"Mmm hmm," Louise said, feeling somewhat nauseated by the descriptions of what her… grandmother had got up to. What a wicked sinful family she came from! What a good thing she was nothing like that deplorable woman! "We… uh, well, oh." She paused. "Get out of the way," she said, trying for a little less tact. "I need to… I'm heading for the toilets."
That actually worked and even got her an apology from the demon. She managed to make her way past the many and varied obstacles of people who wanted to talk to her, aware always of her sharply diminishing time limit.
The female toilets in the Abyss were not what she had expected. They looked like… well, she had only one way to explain it, and it was 'like Cattleya had been told to decorate them, and had only been allowed to use black marble, red leather, mirrors and the souls of the damned'. To put it another way, there had been lots of attempts to make them comfortable and pleasant to be in, but the base materials were somewhat working against that aim.
Louise passed the eternally-burning damned soul who reached out to cling onto and dry the hands of visitors, nodding at a vampire and a demon who seemed to be doing something arcane and mystical with white chalk on the marble surface around the sinks, and secreted herself within one of the cubicles.
…
Deep in the shadows, a blood thirsty monster lurked. Eyes gleaming red, it stood as still as the grave. It did not breathe. Its heart did not beat. It merely waited, fangs bared, for its prey.
Then Cattleya sighed and stepped out of the alcove. Lurking was not working. They were probably… sitting down somewhere, or something. Clearly she would have to go find the demon Gnarl had told her to herself.
With perfect grace, she flowed through the crowd. Everyone here smelt… delicious. Of course, everyone started smelling delicious when she was hungry, but she could positively taste the exotic bloods which were pumping around various circulatory systems.
… which was wrong and it was a curse and she really should be a good girl and just find some animal blood, but Founder darn it, it was hard work! And she had already tried to be good once today and got a glass of icky wine for her troubles.
The world, Cattleya had concluded, was a jolly mean place. Or at least it was a mean place when she was this thirsty. If she didn't get a drink soon, she'd using silly words like 'saturnine wings of tenebral night' in her thoughts and no one wanted that.
And then she paused in her search, as a remarkably out-of-place figure caught her eyes. In among the muscle-bound men, the effeminate long-haired men, and the scantily clad women was a man who looked to be in his late fifties, with greying, thinning hair. He wore a somewhat scruffy robe, with patches at the elbows, and even appeared to have ink stains on his fingers.
He looked very much like a kindly tutor, one prone to forgetting what he was meant to be talking about and going off on rambling discussions of moths and mice and whatever small animals he was currently interested in. Cattleya had always liked those tutors, especially when she was still alive and they were prone on taking her out into the gardens during summer to catch butterflies rather than talking about boring dull theology.
Running around at night with a moth-catching net just wasn't as fun. Not that she didn't still do it, but still!
Well, now her curiosity was snagged. And anyway, he looked kindly and he might know what she was doing wrong to get wine when she had specifically asked for a bull's blood.
"Hello!" she said, from directly behind him, before remembering she wasn't really meant to silently walk up behind people and introduce herself. Father had been quite firm about that. It put them on edge.
Fortunately, the elderly gentleman seemed to be quite at ease. "Ah, good evening mademoiselle," he said. "Or should I say madam?"
"Oh, no, it's certainly mademoiselle," Cattleya said. "I'm not married."
"I see," he said knowingly. What he knew, Cattleya didn't know, but that was of no accord. "I have to say, you appear to be a rather forward young lady, simply walking up to me out of the blue," he added.
"I was looking for a friend of an acquaintance, and then I saw you and you stood out so I thought I might talk to you," the girl said honestly.
"Ah. You're not a frequent attendee of these things?" he asked.
"This is my first one," she admitted. "It's jolly interesting, you know."
"Hmm. So you would like to converse with me. Well, for example, have you ever thought about how the Church is fundamentally corrupt, almost as if it was an organisation founded and run by men with no greater divine guidance, which suggests that whatever Good deeds it does could be done without the parasitic leeches of the upper clergy?" the man asked, kindly.
"I should think not," Cattleya said, rather shocked despite herself.
"You should probably try that some day," he said. "Though yes, I do have to say it's a rather questionable belief. And it's really all a matter of opinion. Now animals; animals are a much more interesting thing."
"Oh yes," Cattleya agreed, "they really are, aren't they? I am very fond of my puppies. Well, my sister keeps on saying that they're fully-grown enthralled flesh-eating wolves, but they're all puppies to me."
The man smiled, running a hand through his greying hair. "Ah, I see you are a scholar. The relationship between wolves and dogs is indeed very clear, is it not?"
"Yep! They can have adorable babies together!" Cattleya said.
"Quite so, quite so. But have you seen the skeletons of other such animals. Have you see how most animals… well, they're pretty similar. I mean, they all have four limbs, two…"
"Apart from dragons," Cattleya said helpfully. "They have six. Oh, and manticores have six, too. And griffins. Oh! And there's a wyvern skeleton in the hall in… a place where I used to live, and do you know, they have stubby nubs of bone in front of their wings which I think used to be arms! It's jolly interesting, because you can even see how the dragon skulls in Mother's collection are all very similar, and how, for example, wind dragon skulls are much sleeker than fire dragon ones, like you grabbed their snout and pulled it... oh, and turned the bones into clay at the same time. Even all the skulls are in a rather untidy heap, because she ran out of space in the ossuary for them!"
"Um…" began the man.
"Oh, this is frightfully interesting! I haven't got to talk to someone about this in a long time! Do you have anything else you want to talk about? And do you know what I have to ask the waiters for to get some blood?"
"You're a vampire?" the man asked, disappointed. "Oh, that's a shame."
"Sorry," Cattleya apologised. "Uh, why is that a shame? I mean, apart from the obvious reason."
"Well, I'm afraid, young lady, that your soul is irrevocably tied to your corporeal, necrotic form. It's utterly worthless to me. You couldn't sell it even if you wanted to."
"I think I'm missing something," Cattleya said, frankly.
"Oh, I do apologise. Some call me the Doubter; others, the Underminer of Faith; others yet the Prince of Moral Decay. Where I walk the world, men commit adultery, often with other men; women get pregnant outside of marriage, cats sleep with dogs and generally I cause immorality and the breakdown of the rightful order of things. The upper echelons of the Church whisper my name in fear, for mere knowledge of a dark god such as myself induces sin in the doubtful, and that name, that dreadful name is Athe."
"Oh," said Cattleya in a small voice. She had been accidentally very, very naughty talking to this dark god. Now she felt all guilty about it; more so because she had been enjoying the discussion. Her interest in adorable little animals had always been something she had in common with her elder sister, and before everything had been ruined by it being Eleanore's fault that she was now a blood-hungry queen of the night. They had been close, her trailing after her cool big sister with her butterfly nets and her plant sample bag, and… now the two of them never talked. Even on the rare occasions their parents got them in the same room – and that was no more than once or twice a year. And…
"… wait. I beg your pardon?" she said politely. "But did you say my soul was tied to my body?"
"Yes, a wretched and stinking tainted thing that must feed of the life of more vital creatures, drawing in the life and energy of the world around it to maintain its own horrific existence for ever and ever and…"
"But it is my soul, yes? Not some demon or something bound into my body that just thinks that it's me even though it isn't?"
"Well, yes, but…"
Cattleya embraced the malevolent deity in a big, all-encompassing hug. "Thank you thank you thank you!" she squealed. "That's something I've wanted to know for ages! I do have a soul! Thank you very much! I'm sorry, it's been really jolly interesting talking to you and I'd like to maybe talk to you some more later about adorable, cute animals and the like and how they're all similar, but I do have to talk to some other people and I really wouldn't want to waste your time! Thank you!"
And with that said, she skipped off into the crowd, leaving the dark being of black faith somewhat confused. It was only when she got most of the way across the room that she remembered she hadn't even managed to give him a chance to tell her how to get blood. Oh, she was so silly! And he had been so nice, and so very interesting! Yes, technically he said he had been a dark god and good girls didn't associate with them, but at least he had been the better class of dark god, and didn't have, you know, slime or anything uncouth like that.
She smiled a shy smile. And after that interesting talk and how she had got the wonderful news that she was her and not some monster just pretending to be her – which had been worrying her for quite a while after she had read that philosophy book – now she had found the demoness Gnarl had sent her to look for, who appeared to be dressed mostly in snow.
Her sister's cute little goblin advisor thing had said that this demon had super-special important information, and that she should stop at no lengths to obtain it.
Cattleya's stomach rumbled. The lengths she went to for her little sister, really!
"Hello!"
…
Seven minutes of hopping around and cursing under her breath, two minutes of private business, and six more minutes of hopping around and muttering as she tried to refasten some of the ties, Louise opened the door. Well. This may be the Abyss, the place of wickedness and sin and other such dreadful things, but they certainly had their priorities right in certain ways. She busied herself at the basin, ignoring the moaning of the damned soul who was chained to the wall handing out towels.
"Oh, hello there," a somewhat sultry drawl said behind her. "The Overlady of the North, wasn't it? The one who was with the Gnarl."
Louise turned to come face to… well, the newcomer was taller than her and somewhat on the buxom side, so she looked up so the two of them were face to face. It was the succubus who had been announcing the arrivals, the one – she could recall – who Jessica had complained about. Looking at her up close, away from the lights and the glamour, Louise could indeed see that – insofar as one could determine a demon's age – she looked to be fairly young, perhaps only as old as Jessica herself, and there was a distinct reddish tint to her blonde hair she hadn't noticed the first time and a slightly exotic cast to her eyes and her skin. She looked vaguely familiar. It must have been the family tie to Jessica, she considered.
"Izah'belya? Was that it?" Louise asked. "I… think I read it in an… uh, journal. I heard your commentary on the way in."
"Yes, that's me," the blonde said, red eyes wide and cheerful-looking. "I've been following your exploits, by the way. You've been pretty impressive, and… well, honestly, I couldn't stand that slimy little man."
Louise blinked. "Excuse me?" she asked.
"The comte de Mott. Dreadful little man," Izah'belya said, sniffing. "Only interested in the temptations of the flesh. Nothing cerebral about him at all. What kind of a man has no interest at all in a woman who proves to be perfectly capable of intelligent conversation when she offers him some mutually beneficial deals?"
The girl pursed her lips. "I'm not sure how to put this," she said critically, "but… uh, you are a succubus."
Izah'belya rolled her eyes. "Oh please, don't tell me you've been listening to J'eszika," she said, flexing her bat-like wings. "My cousin is a spoilt, pandered half-breed who is doted over by her father who's a mockery of the once-proud prince of the abyss he was. She lives in a perpetual state of bitterness at my wing of the family, and believes she's entitled to the world. Why, she stole Prince Infernalis from me when we were little girls and tore his head off!"
"Uh…"
"He was my favourite doll!" The succubus took a deep breath. "But honestly, that's not that important. I was hoping to get to speak to you anyway, and this seems as good a place as any. How are you enjoying things here? You've got a rather mysterious past… is this your first time at the Cabal Awards?"
"Yes," Louise admitted.
The succubus gave a throaty chuckle. "Did you like my sister's… well, she's a half-sister, but who's counting… did you like her presentation? Me, I was quite amazed she managed to remember her entire speech. That's why I suspect that she had it written on her hand. Not too bright, I'm afraid. Like most of my half-sisters."
Louise smiled back at the other girl warmly. She certainly seemed nice enough, and she was really rather pretty and… wait a moment. That wasn't a normal thought. Not one bit! She didn't think about how other girls were pretty! Especially not demonic girls. Even Jessica made her think of handsomeness, not prettiness! Yes, now that she focussed on it, it felt rather like one of the thoughts Jessica tended to provoke when she got masculine, though far weaker and more subtle.
"Please don't do that," Louise said, false sweetness in her voice. "I find it very displeasing indeed. And," she clicked her metal-clad fingers against the marble of the sinks, "rather offensive, actually."
The blonde's eyebrow quirked upwards. "I'm not doing anything," she said, in apparent innocence.
Louise didn't believe her.
"But anyway," Izah'belya continued, "I do believe you and I can have some rather profitable interactions." She smiled. "Don't mistake me for some shallow lovvie like Ah-Nahb'elle or Kri'stinne. My primary interests lie in the occult trade." She chuckled again. "I believe you might say I 'succubus' for pleasure, not profit, if you were to be very crude. And you are very, very promising." She dropped her voice. "Shall I let you in on a little secret?"
The overlady nodded, as someone was noisily sick in one of the closed cubicles.
"Certain… friends of mine are party to some of the Cabal's deliberations. Things were incredibly close. Most years, you'd have won Best Newcomer; Emperor Lee – have you talked to him? Frightful bore! No sense of fun at all! – well, there's no way he couldn't have won. And not just because he'd probably have hatched some long term plan to sweep into Los Diablos leading an army of dragons," she added, bat-like wings twitching. "And the Best Halkeginian Villain one was even closer."
Louise blushed. Internally she was almost singing. It had been that close, had it? And then her mind kicked back into action. "You think I am a… how to put it? A winning horse to back?" she asked.
The succubus shook out her long reddish-blonde hair. "Precisely," she said. "Though, to put it another way, if you read the journals, you'll know that my mother is Queen of the Abyss in all but name, and is virtually uncontested. My uncle is bound and trapped. And I have lots and lots of half-sisters. The line of succession is… somewhat unclear, if for some reason my mother should be slain by heroes. Which is fairly likely," Izah'belya said bluntly, "given my family's luck in the past century."
"What do you want?" Louise said bluntly.
"Oh, it's really not what I want," the other girl said. "It's what I can offer you. I think you have the potential to dominate Tristian, to bring it under a reign of darkness, and I want in. I own Prahdear… literally; the fool gambled his soul and lost. I pulled strings with my mother to make sure he won and will be getting headlines for years to come, so I can get you outfitted by the winner of the Best Outfit. I can get you in full-sheet spreads in all the specialist journals; get you an outfit worth speaking of, and as I said, my primary interests lie in the occult trade. You're a sorceress; I have plenty of tomes, vile blades and damn'd suits of armour you would be interested in."
Louise's eyes narrowed, the light within burning brighter. "I have armour," she said flatly.
"And poor you!" the succubus said, red eyes widening and one lightly-tanned hand going to her mouth. "To think J'eszika used you as a test subject for her dreadfully mannish tastes! I don't suppose I can blame my cousin there, you know; it's not her fault that her father is a boorish incubus, but she could at least fight it better! My mother even offered to adopt her, you know, but she had the ill taste to turn it down."
Louise's thoughts flashed to ice-cold. She had fought to have armour which had her not looking like some… some… some Germanian trollop! She had needed to argue Jessica down! And now this tall, busty – which already made her ill-inclined to like her – succubus was daring to condemn her armour? She… she would probably want her to start wearing something more typical of the females around here!
Nobody insulted the armour. Nobody. She was fiercely protective of her armour. Because it was protective of her. In that it actually protected her.
"No thank you," she said, in a clipped tone. "Though I will, of course, note that you are a source of books and the like, I believe that as it stands, I am more than happy with my current arrangements. That will be all."
The succubus stepped back, her face flashing from shock to disdain to a sullen pout. "That's not very fair!" Izah'belya said sulkily. "You could at least give it some proper thought! That's… that's actually rather hurtful! Oh, what, do you think this is all just part of some elaborate seduction scheme? Is that it? I bet that's it!"
Louise said nothing, because she was a well-bred and well-mannered young lady and thus really wasn't supposed to lie.
The blonde threw her hands up. "Typical! Honestly, you can rig the Cabal Awards and muscle into the occult materials trade, but Abyss forbid that anyone take a succubus seriously when she thinks with her brain!" Wings twitching irately behind her, she flounced out.
Staring at herself in the mirror, Louise sighed. She was rather afraid Gnarl was going to shout at her when he found out that she had made this decision without even checking with him. And then she was hit by a ballistic Jessica.
"Thank you thank you thank you," Jessica sobbed into her shoulder.
"Where did you come from?" was about all the overlady could manage, not least because she was having to support the rather heavier girl.
"I was being sick because… um, I think I forgot to eat and so it was all disagreeing with me and I heard it and…"
"How much of it did you hear?" Louise asked, feeling acutely embarrassed by the whole thing.
"All of it! And you… you turned all of that down! For me!"
Louise tried to manoeuvre Jessica around, so she could at least support her weight on her front and let her sob into her surcoat. Now she felt like a fraud. She hadn't been thinking of Jessica at all with that decision; it had been a pure, instinctive reflexive rejection at the idea of having to wear something disgracefully skimpy. "Well, I still want to buy books from her if I can…" she said, trying to quench the guilt.
"Oh, that's just… that's just magic! But you… I'm just one person, and you turned down having Prahdear and all his teams working to outfit you and…" Jessica degenerated into bubbling, coherence only working its way back up, "… and just because I'm a half-breed, of course I'm never going to win something like this!" She wiped her eyes on her sleeves. "I never asked for my mother to be a Hero!" she snapped. "I bet that bitch hardly had to pull any strings to make sure her pet talentless hack won! I've been trying since I was fifteen to get some respect, and do you know, you're the first time I got it! I… I actually had people saying I did good stuff, talking about orders since I made your armour!"
"There, there," Louise said, patting her gingerly and trying to ignore the growing shortness of breath and warm fuzziness which told her that Jessica was near and getting emotional.
"I can't do things in the surface world because I'm half-demon, and… and I can't do things down here, because I'm half-Hero. Everyone always suspects that I'm suddenly going to… to start using my powers for Good! Just because my mother was a Hero and Dad's the Prince of the Incubi! Only you and your… your sister and... and Lilly and her misfits just treat me as… as… as a person!"
Supporting Jessica's weight, Louise had managed to stagger over to the damned soul with the fluffy towels, and took one of them, passing them to the other girl. "There, there," she said again, because it hadn't produced a bad response the first time.
Jessica mopped down her face and blew her nose on the towel. She was red and blotchy in the face, and also had the slightest hint of a goatee. "Well, you know what! You can count me in! If the only people who actually seem to want me around are you and Lilly… well, I'm on your side, because Lilly lives out in the woods and it's cold and miserable out there and I went camping with her once and… I don't want to live out there for extended periods. If that's all right with you, I mean. You… you don't have an armourer, right? I can do that!"
Louise patted her on the shoulder. "You're drunk," she told Jessica.
"I know! But I'm still doing it! My bitchy cousin has just made it very clear I'm… I'm not going to get my life's ambition working in the system of the Abyss, so I'm going outside it!"
"What ambition would that be?" Louise asked, while she got another towel and began to mop herself down from where Jessica had cried on her.
"Oh?" Jessica said, putting her hands on her hips. Her eyes glinted, despite the distinctly queasy expression on her face. "My ultimate ambition? I don't want to follow fashion. I want to be ahead of it. I want to be the one leading it!"
Louise smiled. "Well, this should help," she agreed.
"And then," Jessica continued, "once I'm well ahead of fashion, I can dig a big pit for fashion, and when it falls down it, I'll have fashion trapped."
"Um," said Louise. "I think you lost me there."
"And when fashion is at my mercy, I will break it like a wild horse! And then tame it, and it will be my noble steed, taking me wherever I want to go. If it will not be tamed, I will call upon dark magics and bind its will to mine, branding it forever with my mark! The soul of fashion will be mine!"
"Uh, well, that's ambitious," Louise said quickly. "I'm not sure if what you're saying is a metaphor or something or… oh, look. Welcome on-board, anyway."
Jessica grinned. "Glad to be," she said, before paling. "Oh crap," she said, dashing back into the toilet, and throwing up again.
There came a knock at the door. "Ladies," said a female demon in the armour of one of the security guards, "the Cabal extends its apologies, but all guests are requested to gather in the main hall. We appear to have a Hero loose backstage. He's got a pistol, a burning sword, and is only wearing a loincloth and a bow tie. We would remind all guests not to attempt sexual congress with armed and dangerous heroes who are attempting to kill them. He has already set fire to large amounts of the backstage area and killed several demons, but Security expects to have the situation under control momentarily."
Jessica was noisily sick again.
Louise nodded at the armoured demon. "Uh… can you just give us five minutes?" she asked sweetly.
…
It was an enlarged group which made its way back to Louise's ruined tower and attached dungeon complex.
"I do wonder how on earth a Hero managed to break out from a succubus' bedroom and… and what he was doing there in the first place," Louise asked, removing her helmet to show that she was more than a little red in the face. "Honestly, I can't say he was much of a Hero if he let himself be lured into such a place!"
"I got no idea what-so-ever," Igni said confidently. "It totally not because he destroy all evidence we was mmmph mmmph mmmph."
"Oh look at me so clumsy I fall over and accidentally my hand go over your mouth and I holds on very tight and oops if you is not stopping trying to talk I might axe-dent-ly choke you to death," Maggat said hastily. "We not disturb you any more, Overlady, Gnarl, Oversister and… one who we not have name for yet!"
"In fact, we go hold minion conclave to think up name for her!" Maxy intruded. "And we put your bags away so you not fall over them and we not have any more accidental Igni choking moments and I not have to try to stop Fettid from talking and get stabbed repeatedly for my pains. Which'll be real biggie pains."
"Yeah!" Fettid agreed. "Now we can go hide all the loot we stole because the Hero hid that we was…" and then anything else that could have been said was lost when Fettid stabbed Maxy in the eye when he tried to shut her up. The minions swarmed off, Maxy in the lead but closely pursued by the green, who was shouting that she wanted her knife back
Jessica stared at the departing minions blearily, holding an icepack to her head. "Did… that minion just use the word 'conclave'?" she asked, blinking.
"That one does it periodically," Louise explained. "The other minions appear to think he has caught education. As in, learning things is a disease."
"That was a very profitable trip," Gnarl said happily, thumps hooked into his pockets. "Very, very profitable. You acquired an armourer, I doubled the money in the treasury and…"
"You did what?" Louise asked, eyes widening. "How?"
"I bet the entire treasury on the results of the Cabal Awards," Gnarl said simply.
"You did what!" Louise shrieked. "You… the entire treasury! You gambled it?"
"Your wickedness," Gnarl said, sounding shocked, "I do not approve of gambling! Not one bit! The entire arrangement is rigged so the house wins, and when you are not the house, that's a terribly silly thing to do."
Louise opened her mouth, about to say something. Then she closed it again, and took several deep breaths, trying to calm herself. She didn't want to embarrass herself in front of Jessica. "I suppose you're going to say that placing bets using all the treasury on the winners of the Cabal Awards wasn't gambling?" she said, resorting to sarcasm.
"Of course it wasn't." The elderly minion grinned a terrible, malevolent grin. "Gambling implies the chance of loss. It would have been very foolish to change the results, because the Cabal knows who they selected to be the winners. But reading the selection and then putting a carefully designed selection of bets weighted so there is a considerable, but plausible net gain which offsets the deliberate losses – why, that is a far more sinisterly sensible idea." He paused. "And that is why, your evilness, I have doubled the amount in the treasury with the assistance of some of the little darlings, while your hands remain clean."
The overlady was speechless. "Very… uh." She paused. "Well done," she concluded.
"Thank you, your evilness. Cattleya also assisted in something else."
"Yes, yes! There was something I meant to tell you!" Cattleya said, cheerfully. "Gnarl introduced me to a really interesting – and cute – demoness at the party and one thing led to another and…"
"Do I want to know?" Louise asked, dubiously.
Jessica rolled her eyes, and then groaned. She was more than a little hungover.
"Oh yes! Well, one thing led to another, she invited me to one of the private rooms because she said she wanted to talk over a business proposal with me." Cattleya frowned. "But I don't think that was what she actually meant. She was a cold one. I mean that literally! Her dress was made of snow! Real snow! But anyway, after I drained a lot of her blood she got very talkative and pliable and then we got to talking and she said all sorts of things and did you know there's a secret way into the palace in Bruxelles through a crack to the Abyss in the dungeons? She used to be summoned there all the time by the great-uncle of the Queen!"
Louise blinked. "Wait, what? You found… what?"
"A secret way into the dungeons of the palace, so we can break in secretly through the Abyss, kidnap the princess, and lock her up in… well, you don't have a tall tower, so you'll just have to keep her in the dungeons!" Cattleya frowned. "You know, Louise, people would probably take you a lot more seriously if you had a tall tower! Towers and princesses go together like wands and… and… and things you keep wands in!"
Jessica groaned and massaged her brow. "Okay, maybe when the world is a little less bright and hurting, I can look more closely at that," she said, "but I did grow up mostly in the Abyss under Bruxelles, so I know the area. Plus, Dad might have heard about this." She hung her head in her hands. "For the moment, I just want to go to bed. Did you say you had a room for me?"
"Oh yes, uh…" Louise looked around, "Maggat, take Jessica to the guest quarters for now, until we get a proper room for her set up. And…"
"Speaking of her father," Gnarl said, "he left a message for you. He wishes to talk to you, your evilness. I would not recommend delaying."
Louise did in no way delay. "Scarron," she said as soon as she had got down to the tower heart.
"Ah, oui, oui," the prince of the incubi said, blowing a kiss. "So good of you to see me! I just wanted to talk about getting the delivery men to get some of my little girl's things moved over." He sniffed sadly. "Watching your children grow up and move out for the first time! It is such a tragedy!"
"I suppose so," Louise said, non-committedly.
"I also wanted to thank you," the incubus said. "Dealing so quickly with the fragment of the tower heart… well, you more than lived up to your end of the agreement. I will try my best to find the other parts, because cataclysmic magical explosions are bad for business."
"Thank you very much," Louise said, bowing her head.
"Oh, and just as a note," Scarron said casually, "if anything happens to my little girl when she is in your care, I will be freed and restored to my full power. And that means I will be coming for you, because I am very fond of ma petit.
"What I would do to you will be whispered by demonic mothers to scare their children in future years," Scarron continued. "The annals of the Abyss will dread to mention the torments you will suffer. Every nerve will scream in an exquisite chorus of uttermost agony, and I will ensure that you are displayed to the masses of the Abyss so that they might appreciate the beauty of the song of your pain. Even the stomachs of the most vile, the most wretched denizens of the darkest pits will be turned by the sights of what you will endure.
"Of course, with time, you will inevitably pass beyond even my skill at keeping you bound to your flesh, and so I will permit you to die," added Scarron. "Do not think your own suicide will keep you safe from me should ma petit perish, for I will send my slaves to the Lands of the Dead to drag your spectre, weeping and moaning, into my hands.
"And then, ah, that is when the real fun will begin, because your soul will be mine and souls, unlike flesh, can tolerate so much more. And it will continue for ever. And ever. And ever," concluded Scarron.
"I… I understand," Louise croaked, through a dry throat. "I… I'll keep h-her safe in the Tower."
"Oh, you would?" the image of the man said, his hand going to his mouth in faux-surprise. "How kind of you!" He essayed a small wave at her. "Bye bye! Be seeing you! One way or another!"
Louise stared at the tower heart for a long time, in numb horror. She… she was just going to go and whimper into her fist for a bit. Until she felt better.
That might well take some time.
…
