Relationships aren't always smooth sailing...least of all a marriage between these two
Yeah Merlin's not having fun...
More snippets of backstory on Merlin's time after the war
They TALK as in communicate their feelings...
Can't be all sunshine and rainbow huh?
I did say this is also an angsty story...
Not yet beta'd
Merlin was sitting on the sofa with his face in his hands wondering what to do. He recalls the first time Morgana ever had her nightmares in Camelot. Though this time she may not have unleashed flames everywhere…when she finally looked at him, she flinched.
Merlin didn't know how to feel about that, he knows not to take it personally of course.
It would just help if he knew exactly what happened in her nightmare. He had so many questions.
Such as, was it really a vision?
Why can't she look him in the eye?
Is she okay…?
He tried to approach but she's been in their room all evening and into the morning. He couldn't sleep, didn't even try. How can he? His own wife is scared of him…
"Perhaps this is a good thing?"
Merlin looked up at Emrys, standing on the other side of the table looking down on him leaning against the telly.
"How is this in any way good?"
"Let's be honest with ourselves Merlin, we've grown too comfortable with her."
"And?! I still don't see the point you're trying to make!"
"She's holding us back."
Merlin looked at himself in shock…
"Our duty to protect and nurture this world…and we would see it squandered because of why exactly?!"
His reflection's eye began to glow as he showed Merlin all of the destruction that has occurred ever since they came into being.
"This is our fault! Sigan is our fault! The mortals are a virus! And we both fear that it may be too late to save our home…"
Merlin's tears dropped from his eyes…again he wasn't speaking lies…how much devastation could he have prevented had he simply been proactive?
Emrys sighed as even he began to look downtrodden. "We love Morgana…with all our being…and if we truly love her, doesn't that mean we should ensure the world is forever safe?"
"…"
"Love doesn't have to be what keeps us bound…it can also be motivation. Morgana needn't be a chain but rather fuel."
"…"
"She can't even look at us…"
"…She's had a long day."
"Because we were just relaxing right?"
"I know that I don't know what happened."
"Here we go again with the whole "I" thing."
"You literally view my love for Morgana as a weakness!"
"…It came from our mind Merlin. So what does that say about us?"
"Piss off!" Merlin stood and went to the porch outside, knowing of course it wouldn't stop him from being pestered…but at least he'll have fresh air.
What if he was right?
What if Morgana no longer…
Merlin stared at his ring, this piece of metal wrapped around his finger. Did she finally give up on him? On them?
He remembered their time after Salem. How all the years of either, ignoring each other, trying outmaneuver each other, her flat out trying to kill him despite the fact that she literally couldn't…it all went away after they couldn't deny that they felt alone without the other.
At least, Merlin certainly did. It's why he cried tears of joy when Aithusa birthed the next generation of Dragons, they kept him going until he and Morgana married centuries later.
If she wants to leave…who is he to stop her?
Maybe his reflection was correct…maybe this is for the best…
Was he just being paranoid…?
How the fuck should he know if she won't even fucking open their door!
Merlin's anger damaged the trees and grass near him. Once he calmed down he mourned his actions and reversed the damage with a flash of gold.
Leaning against the tree closest to him, he leaned down and placed his head on his knees.
"I just wish she would talk to me…"
"So she can say what?"
"That…"
"…"
"…"
"Yes…keep going…"
"That she either still loves me…"
"Or…?"
"…Or that she hates me…and wants me gone…"
"Because we're no longer the man she married. All the better for us."
"You're so…! Wishy washy on her! Which is it?! Do you love her or are you relieved if she leaves us?!"
"Us?"
Merlin cursed himself "No! No! That just slipped out!"
"Merlin, our feelings are so erratic simply because while we love Morgana…we also love the world. Emotions were never logical. Why do you think the mortals have done nothing but constantly try to kill each other? Scarring the land while doing it…"
"But I DO LOVE HER!"
"Of course we do…and it scares us how much we stand to lose if we lost her as well…"
Merlin caught a sob as he hit the nail on the head.
What would become of him if Morgana came to her senses?
Hell why did she even bother staying all this time?!
"I told you though, it doesn't have to be either or."
"…"
"Even if Morgana leaves because she views us in a negative light…once we save our precious earth. She will understand that we only wanted what was best for the world and our family."
Merlin thought about Aithusa, Cynfab, the rest of his kin…
"What was best for our family was nuclear annihilation?"
"We knew that we couldn't wipe them out instantly even with all the magic in the world. Plus there was a certain poetry…to using their own invention and lust for power against them."
Merlin snorted as he just felt really empty inside. "Yeah, and how exactly would turning the world into a radioactive wasteland be helping it?"
"Even if it took centuries of waiting Merlin, the earth would have recovered. But it would be safe, our magic would have healed the earth before too long. Those little houses of ours would still stand…paradise at last."
"Your plan was simply in response to what happened…"
"We remember exactly how it felt…how at that point we knew without a shadow of a doubt that humans were evil and dangerous. All the signs were there throughout our entire existence. Was Uther not already a red flag?"
"What does Uther have to do with what happened to us? The war and Sigan couldn't be more different than anything in Camelot."
"How so? Uther started a genocide against mages, even at the mere suspicion despite no real evidence if they were or weren't. Targeting a group of individuals for a trait he either feared or loathed...sound familiar?"
"So what? That's why you wouldn't feel anything if Morgana decides she wants out?! So you would be free to 'save us all from ourselves'?!"
"We would be devastated, but we would understand. Ultimately we will be determined to at least fulfill our purpose of preserving and nurturing the earth we call home."
"This is about her isn't it?"
"Careful Merlin."
"The Goddess...the earth is all we have left of her. The very earth she put us in, of course you'd want to do literally anything to keep it from deteriorating..."
"And you don't?!"
"I don't think this is what our mother had in mind when she entrusted us with the world Emrys."
"That's because you view yourself as one of them. We're not. We never were nor will we ever!"
"I noticed you finally started to differentiate us."
"It's sadly becoming clear Merlin that we have been far too damaged to hope for a quick reunification...clearly I'm the only one who still cares."
"That's not fair..."
His reflection sighed and shook his head.
"Continuing to deny that we are one and the same, only further hurts us Merlin. But more importantly it hurts the world!"
"I can't just do what you want! I can't just kill everyone! If you really are me then how could this even cross our mind!" Merlin stood to face him with clenched fists and a fierce glare.
"…Because we both know that the next time they will never stop Merlin. One way or another, Sigan, the mortals...the Fates, they simply cannot help themselves. Morgana leaving will perhaps be the best outcome for her own well being…"
"Tck…! Do you even have a logical plan? Or is it just slaughter every mortal in sight?!"
"Our plan is a work in progress… What was impossible before, suddenly now seems so close we can touch it."
"And here I thought you were in mourning...?"
"Mother will always be remembered fondly...but even you must admit that with no clear oversight from her or any of the other deities the world has gone to madness. That's why we're still here, it must be."
Merlin turned away, trying not to let all his words try to sway him!
Is this…is the only reason why Morgana stays? Because if she doesn't she thinks he'll be like some rabid dog?
Did she really love him at all?
"Merlin."
"Enough Emrys. I'm done hearing this."
"Merlin lo-"
"And honestly, I don't even think you know what mother wanted so do-"
"Hello Merlin."
Merlin froze at the sound of that eerily familiar voice, slowly he turned around and near the trees stood him.
Cornelius Sigan.
"How did you...what?!" Merlin started shaking, gripping his head as flashes of his captivity returned with a vengeance.
The Dark One had a cold smile on his face as he began to walk towards Merlin.
"Our time together was cut short las time."
Merlin couldn't move, Sigan looked exactly the same. "I don't understand you shouldn't have the same body..."
Sigan's smirk widened as he got closer, so close it finally snapped Merlin out of his funk.
"Stay back!" Extending his hand he blasted Sigan back toward the forest, damaging the soil and plants all around them.
The Dark mage however shrugged it off and kept his motion toward Merlin.
Merlin snarled and shouted out an incantation - something he rarely ever does - and willed all of nature to descend on Sigan with a fury. The trees, the grass, the air, the water in the atmosphere itself to collide and destroy this stain on his life.
As the dust settled however he was nowhere to be seen.
"Where are you?!"
Merlin was sweating, his migraine getting worse as he gripped his head trying to keep his guard up.
As he turned to his left, an hand gripped his jaw and pushed him toward the ground, Sigan was on top of him!
"I've been looking forward to finishing what I started Merlin. You didn't really think I would be stopped so easily?"
The vile sorcerer gripped his neck with his other arm and trapped his chest between his leg.
Merlin was panicking, his magic wasn't responding! He feels like he can't breathe...too weak...
Emrys glared at Sigan with his molten gold eyes and looked at Merlin calmly "Settle down Merlin."
"...!"
"The pretender isn't even here. Get ahold of yourself." Emrys than back slapped Merlin backed to his senses...
Merlin was breathing heavily, looking in front of him...no Sigan. In fact there was nothing indicating that he was even here at all. Only the destruction Merlin left in his latest episode...
"I can't believe you cowered in fear to a lowly mortal as wretched as he."
"..." What could Merlin say to that...at one point when they were one soul they never lacked in confidence. But it's as if Emrys hogged all the courage for himself when they split...
"That's just an excuse and you know it."
Leave it to Emrys to downplay any concerns to their health.
"Merlin? Are you here?!"
He looked back at the cottage, hearing her voice for the first time since last night…
His reflection also turned towards the sound, questioning how it should react to her.
The front door opened and out she came dressed in black, her hair messily tied up. It was like she was in mourning, over what? Heh who fucking knew.
Still she reminds Merlin of how she looked in the later years of Camelot after Morgause's death…it doesn't exactly make him want to reminisce.
"Merlin, are you alright? Have you been crying? I heard you shouting, what happened?" Morgana saw the damaged wilderness and quickly fixed it up with a wave of her hand.
She kept shaking and prodding him checking to see anything out of the ordinary but Merlin for the first time in ages questions if she's really doing it out of love…or that she simply has to…?
"…You don't look so fresh yourself…"
It was true, her own eyes had bags and were bloodshot. Merlin wasn't the only one who neglected sleep last night it seems.
"Yeah well, after last night I just didn't want to sleep. I had so much I needed to process."
"Hmm…"
"Merlin? Why aren't you looking at me?"
Okay…now he's getting annoyed. Did she really ask him that!
Merlin shivered as he remembered the hands of Sigan gripping his throat.
"Calm down" He said it himself…Merlin doesn't know what's been bothering her…he really really hopes it isn't his fault…! He can't handle being the one who hurts her again!
"Morgana…do you wish to annul our marriage…?"
Morgana's eyes widened and blinked, not understanding the question.
"What? Where in the world is this coming from?"
"You feared me…last night. By the goddess not only couldn't you stand the sight of me but you wouldn't even let me in the room..."
Morgana finally understood now, of course…rushing to isolate herself clearly left the wrong impression on her husband.
"Look I get it. I'm a lot to deal with and…you never asked for this…"
"…"
"I'm sorry for not being better…I never want you to be unhappy…haven't I caused you enough misfortune?"
"Merlin stop. Haven't we gone over this? You need to stop putting me on this golden pedestal, do you realize just how much pressure that actually gives me?!" She didn't mean to lash out but all the stress she's accumulated recently just had to be let out somehow.
"What would you have me say?!" Merlin gave as good as he got, "I still see it you know?! See myself feeding you that vile hemlock!" Well that certainly took the wind out of Morgana's sails…
Merlin kept hearing Sigan's sick laughter in his head, and he just wanted to lash out at everything.
"The feeling of you gasping for breath as I held you in my arms, the look of betrayal in your eyes...! How the hell do you expect me to just forget about all that?! Even if you're the one telling me to!" The natural energy around them began to shrivel, matching Merlin's mood. "It was the beginning of the end…how I disgust myself…I couldn't even look myself in the mirror. The only way I could march forward was to kill all shred of feelings in my heart, focusing only on my stupid Destiny!…I doomed us all… You expect me to love that?!"
He began to pace rapidly, the grass once more wilting at the heat his aura was now producing.
"But oh, Kilgharrah, Gaius, hell the damn Fates…Good job Merlin, you got rid of your distraction. Now continue being a good little soldier for the Kingdom that despises your very existence! How fulfilling!" He stopped as he noticed the damage he was causing again, breathing deeply he settled his aura and again restored the plants to life.
"If I just killed Uther…had I simply gathered the strength to tell you that yes, you had magic and so did I…"
Morgana's aura settled down, no longer feeling anger but sadness. Not pity, Merlin would never respond well to being pitied anymore than she would have.
"I never realized, that he was this affected by that night…"
"I understand now, if you think you can no longer force yourself to deal with me…I don't exactly appreciate myself either, haven't in nearly a century…" His anger burnt out into depression as he just sat down once more against the tree, hoping that she would at least say nothing if leaving is what she truly wanted to do.
Sigan's mocking taunts weren't helping either, why even bother?
For the first time in centuries Merlin wished he could just die…
"And continue being cowardly?"
"Who cares anymore…"
"How pathetic can we be?!"
"So you're alright with it?"
"Of course not!"
"Than let me wallow in peace…"
"We're being selfish! We must remain focused on the present and to the future!"
"How can I? When the past keeps coming back to haunt me?"
"Tck…!"
Seeing Merlin lost in his own head, brought further clarity to the situation for Morgana.
Morgana for a long time after Camelot, had always assumed that Merlin simply did what felt easy, poisoning her. Even after she learned the truth…well she knew what he did bothered him, he always said as much but…he never went this explicit in his contempt for himself.
Did the poison still bother her? Well, it's not like she can simply forget it happened at all, but it's been so long. She honestly did forgive him but it seems that until Merlin can finally forgive himself…what she says won't matter…he wouldn't believe her.
And eternity is a really long time to be hating yourself…
And now this talk of her wanting to annul their marriage?
This one is on her; she shouldn't have allowed this to fester all night. Clearly the voices in his head have already prepared a preconceived notion on what she was actually thinking.
"Merlin…would I still be here if I didn't forgive you? If I didn't truly love you?"
"Morgana look, don't drag this out…"
"Enough! You spoke plenty! It's my turn now so shut up!"
Merlin kept silent, but his gaze remained solely on the ants and critters rummaging through the dirt.
"When have I ever been the type of woman who would force herself to do something she never wanted to do?!"
"…"
"Answer me!" One way or another he's going to, she'll make sure of it.
"B-but…"
"You can't. Because you know I'm not!"
"How?"
"I honestly can't believe you're asking me that!"
"…I don't know what to think anymore…what's true and what's a figment…" Even now the apparition of Sigan was still mocking him, standing next to Morgana making a gesture of slitting her throat.
Morgana sighed; this wasn't at all how she had hoped to speak to Merlin about today. How did everything get so off the rails so fast?
"Check if I'm lying."
"What?"
Morgana glared at Merlin in a hurtful expression. "Use your magic and tell if I'm lying."
"…"
"What? Suddenly you're having second thoughts?"
"She's telling the truth…"
"…"
"Is it you who wants to leave Merlin? Is that it?"
Merlin quickly shot straight up, looking her in the eye in a fearful expression.
"What?! No! I would never!"
"Never?"
"So if the shoe were on the other foot you wouldn't leave?"
"Of course not!" Merlin couldn't see how she would ever think he didn't love her!
"Because why?!"
"Because I love you!"
"Then why Merlin?! Why do you just assume that I would do it instead?!" Curse him, she's tearing up!
"WHY WOULDN'T YOU?!" Thunder clouds covered the sky rumbling, pouring so much rain down they were drenched…not like they cared. The apparition of Sigan clapping in laughter at the sight.
Morgana's own eyes glowed gold as she her wet hair clung to her face. Winds was blowing in both their directions, causing the rain to feel like needles by the sheer speed of their descent.
"Because I fucking love you! You dolt!" Her voice caused lightning to crackle not far from their positions.
Merlin glared at her words, clearly dismissing her claim as an attempt to lie.
"You're allowing your self-hatred to push me away Merlin!"
"Really?! Than tell me, what could you possibly love about me?!" A sly smirk appeared on his face, how she wanted to wipe it off…
"I don't believe I was talking to you Emrys?! I was talking to Merlin!"
"You see I was under the impression that love meant loving all sides of your partner…?"
"The actual Merlin I fell in love with isn't anything like you at all!"
"Nor the Morgana, that would have applauded my efforts to rid the world of its enemies…appears to be you…"
The wind made it seem like they were leagues away, everything around them blowing off. Which of course including their precious cottage…
"What can I say?! You were a bad influence!"
"Likewise."
The last thing Morgana wanted was to escalate this to something they would both regret…fact is she fears that there really isn't a spell out there that can cure Merlin's mind of all that befalls him.
She really had so many mixed feelings when it came to Emrys. Tends to happen when you're constantly told someone will be your doom...
Morgana had to simply honor their rule, to be honest. This is simply a validation for why lying between them never ends well…
Morgana sighed, the power around her lowering to a simmer, thus feeling more of the rain that failed to penetrate her barrier.
No going back from here…
"Merlin…last night I had…it started as a nice dream…"
Merlin narrowed his eyes, but focused silently at her words. His own power dissipating, the wind dying down and the rain settling into a drizzle.
"I was still in the garden but some things looked different. Like you actually added flowers this time, not just wheat or fruits or vegetables…"
Merlin didn't really see the need for flowers, unless perhaps they were for medical purposes? But it was obsolete for him if he couldn't even get a fatal disease…
"…We had children…"
It was as if everything simply stopped. Sigan's apparition dissolving into nothing. Golden eyes turning blue, Emrys for once was as speechless as Merlin felt.
"Children?!/Children?!"
Was this really still a dream? Or did Morgana finally have a vision of the future?
"They were beautiful twins, our darling boy Galahad and our spry girl Elaine." Morgana smiled at the memory; it was as if she could still feel them wrapping their arms around her.
"Galahad and Elaine…?"
"…"
"We had children…?"
Smiling at seeing the sky-blue eyes once more, she nodded affirmatively.
"Are you…?"
"I don't know. Not for certain…it's why I didn't want to say anything until I had confirmation…less we get our hopes up again."
Like so many times in the past…
It's partly why they see Aithusa and her children as their family. To fill the empty void.
Morgana for one reason or another, was never able to have a successful pregnancy. Tragically always having long periods of time of it simply not happening…they always wondered if it was perhaps the price for her immortality...? It pained Merlin to see her look so optimistic at being a mother yet cruelly having her hopes dashed as it kept being taken away from her.
As for him? A father…he didn't really know. He never had a father. Balinor died just a day into finding him. Would he have been a good one?
Merlin went on his knees and gently embraced her stomach, leaning his head against it...trying desperately to feel something inside.
Morgana rubbed his head, smiling at the thought of this being real...it would definitely be something that's for damn sure...
"Was it just a dream? Or a vision?"
That cut Morgana's smile into a bitter frown. Once she got over the fearfulness of encountering those three…she just got angry that they toyed with her.
"That's where the nightmare part begins…"
Merlin stood as his eyes flashed gold as their cottage was repaired along with the surrounding area. Must be nice having magic…
"I'll make us some tea."
Later
It was as if the earlier fight barely happened, the two mages leaned comfortably in the sofa. Merlin listening carefully to his wife's recollection of what she saw.
"Galahad and Elaine…what lovely names."
Once Morgana revealed what had frightened her…
The Sisters of Fate had intruded her mind.
"Well…they finally come out."
"The fates…pretended to be me?"
Morgana hummed, nodded yes. "One of them at least…their eyes were all, well it was like I was staring into something soulless."
Merlin felt horrible…but also relieved.
It wasn't anything he did…he didn't do anything to scare her…
His sudden laugh utterly baffled the woman beside him.
"Something amuse you?"
Merlin had to catch his breath, coughing a few times while wiping a few tears form his eyes as he switched their positions. This time he was leaning on her lap looking up at her with a big smile.
"I…am an idiot."
"…"
Uhhhh…
"I mean…I could have told you that for you?" Morgana sighed yet still desired to rake her fingers across Merlin's head.
"I thought…I thought you feared me, I thought I lost you for good."
"Ridiculous, but I'm sorry to have given you the impression."
"No no I'm sorry for overthinking everything…like I always do."
"Yeah, I really did marry a fool."
Merlin stuck his tongue at her, which she pinched causing him to leak his saliva on her fingers.
"Eww gross!" She roughly wiped her fingers on his shirt as her idiot husband laughed like a hyena.
Sometimes it's so weird how earlier he can as fierce as a Dragon yet now as delicate as a child.
No different than nature she supposed…
But before they can put this little spat behind them, they needed get everything out in the open.
"It hurt me Merlin, it hurt that you lacked faith in our love." No humor in her tone, this was serious.
Merlin concurred as his playful expression lessened, a sad one forming.
"I'm sorry…you were right, my fear led to assumptions and my assumptions led to irrationality."
He hugged her, a piece of him still afraid this was all a dream. That was cast off when she hugged him back just as fiercely.
"I accept your apology. I'm sorry too Merlin."
"You don't ne-"
"Remember what I said about putting me on a pedestal?" Morgana quirked a brow, not looking impressed at Merlin's poor habit of dismissing his own pain to focus on hers.
"But you really don't. I was in the wrong, if you didn't want to share anything than you didn't need to…it's not your fault my mind just…went to places…" He moved over to the cushion beside her to get an even look at her eyes.
"Yes, but no. This is one case where we desperately needed to communicate. The Fates will try every dirty trick in the book to destroy this" She pointed at themselves, emphasizing her point. "The last thing we need is to make their jobs easier for them."
"…"
"Well…we're not exactly being forthcoming aren't we Merlin?"
"…"
"We still haven't even told her what happened after we escaped…"
"Merlin?"
"I need to be honest with you now…"
Morgana's eyes rose slightly but just let him prepare himself for whatever it was he needed to let off her chest.
Merlin didn't really expect to ever have to talk about this…it wasn't like he was lying…he just wanted to forget it ever happened. And Morgana respected his wishes enough to never ask him…
"After I had escaped Sigan's laboratory…right before Aithusa killed him he bragged that it was too late. That during my captivity, the mortals had already devastated the earth beyond anything imaginable in the city of Hiroshima…and that they were going to do the same to Nagasaki…"
Morgana didn't like where this was going…everyone knew what happened to those two cities…
"I kept telling Aithusa to fly faster…once we arrived all seemed in order, I thought perhaps I arrived in time but…than it dropped. Aithusa never would have made it with me on her…so I told her to leave, to fly away as fast as she could."
Morgana gasped, Merlin was…oh my gods…
"It was…the sensation of it all… It's funny, you'd think being immortal I would have shrugged this off and took in on the chin. No. I desperately wished I could have died, the pain was overwhelming. The radiation, the burns, the heat, the sheer intensity of it all burning away my flesh and vaporizing my bones…nothing in all my years could have prepared me to such excruciating suffering."
She had no words…Merlin went up against a nuclear bomb…and lost?
She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, laying her head on his neck. Trying to keep him grounded in the here and now while also showing him that he isn't alone.
"The reason why you couldn't feel my aura was because the radiation made it difficult for me to reform. I would keep coming back just to disintegrate again…for over a year. And even than it had aftereffects on both my magic and my body that remained until I spent enough time away from that place where my magic restored my health and expelled the excess radiation from me."
"I can't imagine how that must have felt."
"It was more than that though…when Sigan had me bound my connection to the Earth was cut so I couldn't feel Hiroshima. With Nagasaki? I felt the earth's pain when it dropped. I heard her crying to me, begging me to make it stop."
Morgana rubbed his chest, sometimes its easy to forget that Merlin is essentially an entity of nature in physical form. She can see that he's trying really hard to not shake in the memories. He's doing so well, she's proud of him.
"You came back in '48…I was so happy to see you Merlin…but I could just see that what happened to you clearly never left you."
"I couldn't face you, especially when I didn't even look anything like me."
"What do you mean?"
"I had cancer Morgana."
Of course, all that radiation…there was no way he didn't get anything resembling that vile illness.
"I was horrifically disformed. I looked as monstrous as I felt. Only when my magic finally regained it's footing and expelled the radiation did I finally look like I was prior to that event."
"And then you left again...the Cold War." It was a trying time for her, she just got Merlin back yet his mind was stuck in the war. Then she woke up only to find his spot beside her empty. The sheets not even used…
"1949…the year the Soviets created their own nuclear weapon…I was enraged. These people, why do they waste such intelligence on slaughter?" At this point, he wasn't even angry just exhausted.
"We know why, don't pretend you didn't."
"I couldn't do nothing, I was so…angry…I couldn't believe this is what I allowed to happen…I needed to stop them. Stop them all!" He sat up, gripping the sofa with Morgana holding his hand.
"But I was at a loss, such a task would have been a Herculean effort even for me… Plus there was no way the deities of the world especially the Goddess would have tolerated it…unless I was more discreet."
"And thus, you manipulated the leaders of America and the Soviets…"
"It was a frustrating process, what with America always changing their leaders…but I didn't need to do too much. A few spells here or there to the right people and the race was on as they say."
"Yeah…an arms race."
"I wanted them so badly to feel what I felt. I couldn't think of anything else."
"And we failed."
"I can't blame you Merlin." She really couldn't, she wasn't above lashing out at others to the point of killing them in the old days.
"I'm glad you talked me out of it, I don't think I could have lived with myself if I was the cause of a worldwide extinction…"
"It wouldn't have been, we already knew our family would have survived."
"I take it Emrys isn't exactly happy with me?" Merlin knew who exactly she was talking about.
"It's a lot more complex than that…he's angry you interfered, but he doesn't hate you at all."
"I'm sure."
"He thinks you hold me back."
"I'd like to think we hold each other back honestly."
Merlin snorted, "Ain't that the truth."
"Excuse me?"
"You heard me." He leaned down and licked her neck which was ticklish!
"If you want to be a dog I can easily turn you into one." If only she was as irritated as she appeared to be.
Merlin turned serious and gazed towards her stomach, Morgana grew a bit nervous at his tunnel vision.
"So...do you think you're pregnant?"
Morgana bit her lip, "Honestly? I don't know what would be worse? If I am, because how can we have kids at a time like this? Or if I'm not...because I want what others can have."
Merlin's heart bled for her, he still wasn't sure if he would make even a halfway decent father...but he would hold out hope for them both that they can truly make those children come to life.
"Galahad and Elaine are perfect names..."
Morgana hummed "I wonder which of us named them?"
"Hmm, I mean you always fancied Elaine from that show you like watching..."
"Seinfeld? I mean I guess that makes sense. I suppose that leaves you with Galahad."
"No doubt from the Holy Grail."
"I still can't believe of all films you actually liked that one. I thought for sure you would have flipped out." Morgana never understood him sometimes.
"I mean...it was hilarious. It was so outlandishly ridiculous, how could I not find the humor in the whole thing? Galahad was a good character perhaps my only true favorite of the film."
And he didn't remind him of his past...
Morgana chuckled than looked at the clock, well they've been talking for hours. It's already passed 2pm, she supposed now would be a good time to set up their appointments.
"I'm going to call Dr. Crook's office now, hopefully they can also get someone to examine me."
Merlin nodded and gently rubbed a hand on her stomach. "I'm hopeful, that the result no matter what it is doesn't end up disappointing you."
She took his hand and kissed it "Thanks."
As she left to the kitchen however Merlin called out "By the way, I was thinking that perhaps it was time I spoke with Arthur."
Well that certainly stopped her in her tracks.
"Oh? When did you plan this?"
"Well I didn't plan it at all, yesterday I was informed by Freya that they had gone to her in some effort to discover their purpose here. Personally I don't give a rat's ass what they do as long as we're not involved. But even I can sympathize with Arthur wanting to know about Gwen."
Morgana clenched her mouth and looked away, it wasn't that she didn't understand but...
"Of course I trust you'll be coming with me?"
Morgana turned back to him, pleasantly surprised.
"You want me to go with you?"
Merlin rolled his eyes "Duh, you really think I can stomach seeing both Arthur AND Mordred without turning them into hamsters?"
"I think you're overestimating my own patience for them..."
"We'll be fine...I want us to do this together. I'm sick of being wary of two imbeciles..."
Morgana laughed, well on that she definitely agrees.
"We'll also have to figure out how to keep the Sisters from invading your dreams again."
Morgana cut her laughter and wondered perhaps if there were some old artifacts she could scour through to help with that.
"Merlin."
"Hmm?"
"I love you, never forget that."
Merlin with a solemn nod responded "I won't, I promise."
Morgana smiled as she went to sort out their business.
Merlin felt lighter, lighter than he's felt in ages. Finally Morgana knows everything and now...hopefully they'll have children. Actual human children...he hopes the Dragons don't end up spoiling them.
...But I also said it was also a fluffy story so I just had to sprinkle some in here and there ;)
Act 2 is really pushing me to dive in deep, feels great
Galahad - Pure of heart knight in the legends
Elaine - Mother of Galahad in the legends
We'll finally have Merlin be in the same room with Arthur...and not try to choke him out on sight.
Also like poor Morgana for not having good luck on pregnancies...wonder why that is?
