Morgana discusses her insecurities

Merlin puts on his big boy pants

How does she feel about all of this?


Sorry for the long wait, college is torture. Combine that with work, double torture. Than the fact that I just finished writing a 20k worded future chapter, triple torture lol

But anyway I just love writing about these two, they make it easy to write stuff haha

Hope you guys like it

Not beta'd


Morgana was just stirring her coffee with her straw while Merlin had already gone through 3 of their strongest espressos…shocking the patrons and other customers of the Starbucks. She knew he could have a whole kilo of caffeine and not feel a damn thing.

"Way to be subtle Merlin."

"I aim to please."

She snorted and shook her head, on some level though she was pleased. This stronger medication seems to be doing a lot more than the old ones. Of course, it was ultimately a temporary bandage on the gaping wound that was Merlin's own psyche.

His soul was fractured. And she didn't want to know what the consequences would be if she didn't find a more permanent solution soon.

But for now, she tried not to bring more attention to themselves by laughing…because the idiot is trying to toss some peanuts into his mouth. Failing miserably of course as one nubbed him in the eye.

"And you call me the child."

Merlin stuck his tongue out "Given the current ratio between us on the immaturity scale I'm still far below you."

"…Huh?"

Merlin rolled his eyes "You are still a child…I'm just trying to not be as you like to say an old man."

Morgana chuckled "And your idea of being youthful is to toss things into your mouth?"

Merlin shrugged…how was he supposed to know?

"Gods you ARE an old man haha." Now she had to laugh, damn the audience.

"Need we go over this again? You're older than me."

"And somehow that's supposed to help your argument? Hahaha!" Gods she couldn't breathe…

Merlin patiently tapped his finger on the table as his wife nearly choked herself in laughter.

"You done?"

Morgana kept trying to catch her breath, waving him off as a blissful smile remained on her face.

"Well, I got you to smile. My job was well done."

Morgana blinked…he made a fool of himself just to make her feel better? This man…

She felt Merlin grasp her hand, rubbing it softly with his thumb.

"So…you ready to talk about it yet?"

It being the reason she was feeling all gloomy and moody of course…

Morgana bit her lip, looking around her. "Do we have to talk here? With so many people?"

"And here I thought you were a people person?"

"Ugh, even I need a break once in a while Merlin."

Merlin gave it some thought…yeah, he didn't feel like a highly populated caffe was appropriate for what looks to be a deep discussion either.

"I have another idea, up for a walk?" Merlin stood and laid out his arm with an excited grin on his face.

"Hmm what's he up to?" "To where?" Morgana replied as she hooked her arm through his.


"Okay fine I admit, this is a rather pleasant detour."

Merlin smiled at his wife's admission, this nice little hike in Snowdonia was rather soothing.

"Glad you agree, hopefully Cynfab doesn't mind too much waiting."

"I'm sure he won't, he agreed to fly us to Wales after all."

Merlin shrugged; he did offer to turn Cyn into perhaps a puppy so he could come along but much like his mother…he was rather reluctant to be anything he wasn't. Understandable.

The hike up the trail to the mountain was a bit of a workout. Merlin would have torn his legs off from their sockets if he were still in the shape he was in before first leaving Ealdor.

Morgana…well she's lucky she isn't showing yet because she barely stumbled her way up the path. Occasional moments of heavy breathing but pitifully miniscule compared to Merlin…he just hasn't really had a reason to walk so much these days okay?! He curses Morgana for getting him too hooked into automobile…

Why did he suggest this again?

Oh yes, sitting here at the top with his arms and legs wrapped from behind the woman he loves truly has no superior feeling.

Morgana just leaned onto his back watching the cloudy sky as if through a microscope. This was nice. Nothing extravagant, just being among life. It made her think about their future, their renewal, their now growing family…Arthur…the Fates…Sigan…

She was taken from her thoughts when she felt Merlin leaning his head on top of hers, emitting much needed warmth in this chilly air.

"I love you, you know that right?" He whispered to her.

"…Yeah, I do too."

"Please tell me what's wrong, I can't fix what I did if I don't know what I did." Merlin gently tightened his embrace, closing his arms around her stomach. It felt so nice, she could almost nap here…

"It's not really what you did so much as what it implies for the future."

Merlin listened closely, confused but waiting to hear more.

"Merlin…are you sure having Arthur in your life will end well?"

Ah…he should have figured.

"I mean, define 'in my life' for me."

Morgana huffed "As in…well…ugh." She didn't know how to get the words out!

"…As in like back in Camelot?"

"…"

Merlin to be honest didn't really know for sure if he made the right choice as well. But thanks to Morgana's silence it's clear as day her opinion of it.

"What is it you're afraid will happen…aside from the obvious."

He knew full well the risk of the efforts Arthur was doing to fulfill his Destiny…and that's another conversation he needs to have with Morgana…but how does he tell her that she was meant to be killed by him?

"It's no secret the Fates have craved you to return to being Arthur's little guardian angel. I guess…I guess I just worry that…"

Merlin finally saw where she was heading, this won't do…

He leaned back and turned her body over to face him, her legs wrapping behind him along with her arms around his shoulders. But what caught him were the tears that Morgana was trying very hard not to shed.

This won't do at all.

"You fear Arthur will be the end all be all in my life. That Destiny will once more be our dictators? That I will abandon you?"

Morgana just looked at him in silence. What was there to say? He pretty much got all of it.

Merlin hated seeing her like this, to see the woman he gave all of his being to reduced to something so reserved should be a crime.

Grasping her face, he kissed her with a burning passion surprising the Witch with his action. But not so surprising that she didn't give as good as she got.

The feeling of his lips all over her neck down to her chest, she can never get enough of that…

Once he rid her of her shirt all bet's were off.


Couple of hours later

They both laid there panting, the cool air on one side but a warm fire near them as well.

Having sex thousands of meters above ground makes you freezing…who knew?

Didn't help that the sun was setting of course…

Or that you know…they're too blissed out to put on their clothes…

But that's neither here nor there.

All that mattered to Morgana was that, he was still here. They were still there. She put a hand on her stomach, trying to feel their child inside…she can't yet but she can't wait until she can.

"This changes nothing."

Morgana turned to her husband who was looking at her with such love in his eyes it turned her heart to mush.

"Me trying to see if Arthur and I are truly friends…is in no way saying that all of our efforts, our fight against the Fates' will has been for nothing."

Music to her ears.

"The reason why I even bothered…well you remember I told you about my father, Balinor?"

Morgana nodded "He was the Dragonlord before you?"

"Mhmm. Well, I recall seeing him for the first time ever in that cave of his. I had such wild expectations of what he would be like but, ultimately what I had – at least initially – was a man who let his anger and bitterness at Uther allow him to forget his morals. I didn't want to be like that. I want to be a good role model for our children, to show them to let their anger out and set it free. If only to prevent them from feeling even more pain the longer they latch onto it."

Of course, Emrys flashed through Merlin's mind. But if anything, that proves his efforts are good ones. Perhaps the way to bridge the divide between him and his other half was simply to learn to let things go…? Not necessarily forgiveness, but to simply accept that bad things will happen but it doesn't have to ruin everything…

Morgana had her finger tracing Merlin's chest as he spoke, his words…they reminded her of Merlin prior to the war. An echo so to speak. Perhaps he's healing on his own? Could it really be that easy?

But even so, his words also impressed her. She didn't think however she had it in her to simply make peace with Arthur. Last time she tried she ended up regretting it…so did he probably. Still, what he said about being a good role model for their children…

"I don't want our children to suffer either. Whether they have magic or not, I want them to have far better lives than that which we lived." Morgana really wished she were further along in her pregnancy to feel something, anything.

Merlin hummed and placed his own hand atop hers on her stomach. To think, something beautiful would be emerging in less than a year's time. Maybe two somethings?

"Morgana, nothing in this world…not Arthur, not the Fates, not Sigan…not even myself can keep this." Merlin emphasized his hold at her womb "From being the only thing that truly matters to me. You are my everything, and soon we will have what everyone else has. A family."

The two mages smiled at each other, both shedding tears at the thought of them being parents. They still didn't know for sure if they had it in them to be the best but, if they can make their children happy and safe they'll accept it.

Morgana sighed "Does this mean I have to be nice to Arthur?" That didn't sound appealing to her at all.

Merlin snorted as he turned his gaze back toward the now appearing stars.

"I seriously doubt anyone can make you 'be nice' to anyone…"

"Oh, so you do know me well."

"I would hope so, I did marry the best woman in the world."

"No one likes a brown-nose Merlin."

"A…brown-nose?"

Morgana chuckled "Use your imagination Merlin."

He rolled his eyes before remembering his talk with Freya and the Queen…yeah…he hates to kill the mood, but this has to be let out now before he loses his nerve.

"Hey…remember a couple of days ago when I went to the Lake?"

"Yes, you mentioned the Queen disavowing Cathair and that Freya told you where Mordred lived. Why?"

"I learned some rather…disturbing news."

Morgana turned to her side, leaning her head on her hand. "If it's so disturbing why wait until now?"

"Honestly, given the fact that you had a nightmare induced by the Fates and told me you're pregnant…and threading needles with my own soul…I simply forget." Not his fault, he still has flaws…

Morgana hummed "Well alright, what was it than?"

"The Queen of the Sidhe told me the Goddess is dead because she brought back Arthur."

Well that's definitely a way to start, how does she respond to that? "…She shouldn't have bothered."

Merlin felt that he had no right to say whether his Divine mother should have or shouldn't have, still he wished she was still here.

"But there's more isn't there?"

"Freya told me that…Destiny was altered."

Morgana froze, eyes wide open they could have fallen off.

Destiny…altered…?!

"She doesn't know how or why, nor the Sidhe since it seems every Seer hasn't had a vision. Yours was perhaps the first in centuries."

All of this should be making Merlin happy…but it's too out of the blue. Why now? How is this all happening? Ever since Arthur was brought back it just felt like everything was accelerating toward something. At least one thing makes sense though…

It's no wonder the Sisters of Fate have tried their hardest to capitulate Merlin back into their sphere…someone or something changed the course of events yet to be.

"That's great!"

Merlin blinked and turned back to his wife who was perhaps the most excited he's seen her in a while.

"Uhhh?"

"Don't you see?! If Destiny was altered than that means the Fates aren't all powerful after all!"

Merlin gasped at her words, of course…they can't claim omnipotence if they're so easily defied.

"You're right. It's just…wow…"

"It no longer matters what my idiot brother does. We have true hope to stick it to the Crones where it hurts…by doing nothing. Absolutely nothing." Morgana leaned back in a spread-eagle position feeling like she was flying on a cloud.

Merlin wasn't that quick to dismiss the Fates however. "Yes but…we still don't know how or why Destiny was changed. Plus it isn't like the Fates are resting on their asses, they literally scared the shit out of you two nights ago."

"Clearly an act of desperation. If they were truly in command they wouldn't need to resort to cowardly tactics. You'd think invading dreams to spite someone would be beneath those who's dominion is of Destiny."

"Morgana, I just dare not get my hopes up…we've been burnt before."

She got up to her knees, looking down on him with a smile yet understanding. "Of course, but we've also never lived in a world where the future is not written in stone. Don't you see? We'll be safe, our family will be safe. As long as we continue to hold the line."

Merlin finally smiled in return; it did sound amazing. He admires her optimism in the face of overwhelming odds, than again she's been confident.

"If this means we're free from the shackles of Fate…than I very much cherish to live in such a world." He got up kissed her before the fire went out.

"Well guess that's a sign to get going on home than." Morgana's eyes flashed as her clothes reappeared on her.

"Hmm, by the way what do you think of having our renewal in the summer?" Merlin asked as he too was fully clothed once more.

"Perhaps? We never got married near a beach, beach weddings look fun." She began to brainstorm possible locations.

Merlin's face turned flat "They only look fun because you no doubt plan to shove me into the water when all is said and done…"

"Dear husband of course I wouldn't…"

"Mhmm." With a roll of his eyes, he began his descent down the mountain, his laughing wife following close by.

"So we know it's a beach but where should we actually do it in?" Morgana felt like they should try some place new.

"I mean if not Albion, where else sounds like a good place for a renewal?"

Morgana hummed "Well we got engaged in Venice, got married in your home village…hmm…"

They kept naming place after place as they walked, both shooting each other down as it simply not feeling like the best place suitable.

"Hey Merlin…what about Japan?"

Merlin patted himself on the back for not reacting…outwardly at least.

On the inside he was in a panic…Japan? He hasn't been there since…

He failed to stiffen the shiver that went to his body, than he felt Morgana's hand on his back.

"If you're whole idea was to make peace with your past than wouldn't the next logical step be Japan anyway?"

Logically he knew she was right but…

"Maybe…I don't know."

"We don't have to decide right now of course but, as long as you keep your distance from your fear this will only continue to pester away at your mind."

"It's not fear necessarily, just the knowledge that I'll be unable to separate memory from reality."

Morgana frowned "I think you're underestimating yourself; you've been remarkably good all day. I know it's perhaps a bit too fast to know for certain but honestly just last week if you spoke with Arthur you would have definitely blasted him off Mordred's balcony. Just seeing your mannerisms with him it was almost like you were well you."

"And what? Having our renewal in Japan will just make everything fine?"

"No. But it will lift the weight of that experience off your shoulders. I do actually want us to go there again but if you really feel that you can't than we'll pick someplace else."

Merlin was torn…of course he would like to say yes…but he didn't know if he could say yes.

Still Morgana raised valid points, he can't truly be the best father he can be if he still has ghosts…plus it's not like they're having the renewal in Nagasaki…

"…If I say yes…do you have a beach in mind?"

Morgana hugged him, pleased to see he was taking the steps necessary to move on from his trauma. "Well I'll have to get back to you on that, but at least now we can narrow it down."

Merlin nodded, still feeling uneasy but this time he'll have Morgana with him…it won't be like before…

Nearing the end they could see Cynfab, no doubt returning since any lingering mortals have finally left the area.

"By the way, we don't exactly have friends with the current identities we possess. Should it just be us and the Dragons?"

Morgana bit her lip…she was going to regret this wasn't she…?

"I mean…if you think we should bring Mordred and…Arthur…I guess it's fine…"

Merlin looked shocked, the thought hadn't even occurred to him.

"Well, do you want them to be there?"

"I'm asking you Merlin."

"But why?"

"Well it's only fair I guess since I'm asking you to give Japan another chance…I may as well do my part in mending the past."

"…You'll let me know if you change your mind?"

"When don't I?"

Merlin chuckled "Fair point."


Finally they reached their grandson who awoke at the sound of their voices. "Father, grandmother, I must say this climate doesn't seem so appealing to me. I'll never understand why you choose to live in a land so cold."

Morgana laughed and rubbed the blue Dragon's snout "Don't worry Cyn, we're leaving right now."

Merlin nodded as Cynfab felt relief, the air was irritating on his scales.

"By the way my boy, did you manage to find a new home yet?" Merlin asked as they both got on his back and flew off back to the cottage.

"I believe so, the volcano you call Haleakalā seems very suitable for me."

"Ah so you're in Hawaii than" Morgana felt they didn't go there enough, maybe they should change that at some point?

"Indeed grandmother, the land around it is empty. Nearest civilization of humans being a good distance away."

"Did you tell your mother?" Merlin asked.

"I did, she seems to have deemed it acceptable when I showed it to her. Of course she still wishes I kept closer to the family."

"Aithusa's always loved you Cyn. It's practically what any mother wants even if they're children leave the nest at some point." Morgana looked at her stomach as she said those words, will she feel as Aithusa? Only time will tell.

"Perhaps, I just wish she would remember that I'm not a hatchling anymore…" They could almost hear the annoyance in the sapphire Dragon's voice…which made them laugh.

"Cyn, you are a hatchling compared to us. Even now you sounded like some teenager thinking he's ready to take on the world haha." Merlin wiped his eyes, regaining his breath.

"Tck…I've been on my own for centuries father, I don't need mother being so involved in my business."

"Oh Cyn, just remember that one day you'll miss your mother babying you. She's old, someday she will no longer be among us and you will look back at those memories with both fondness and yearning." Merlin rubbed his scales while Morgana looked saddened at the reminder that while they were everlasting…their daughter was not.

"…Yeah I know…sorry father."

"Nonsense Cyn, just remember to tell your mother AND your siblings that you love them."

"…Fine."

Morgana rolled her eyes, he wasn't fooling anyone. He loved his family.

As they landed, they bid Cynfab farewell and watched him fly beyond the horizon. It wasn't too late so Morgana prepped a quick meal she grew fond of while hiding from Inquisitors in Spain, Paella. All this starting from…

"You never tried Paella?!"

Merlin shook his head, "Not like I've had much reason to go to Spain often."

...Good grief...

Morgana shoved the serving plate in front of him and…oh great she's streaming this.

"So guys, this is Billy's first time eating a Spanish Paella. I made it with my own two hands…so of course it's going to be amazing!" Morgana than turned her phone over to Merlin who looked annoyed at her continued insistence on broadcasting their lives.

"Remember when I said to warn me before you do this?"

"Oops forgot, sorry."

"Yeah…"

"Come on! Try it!"

"Alright alright! Cógelo suave, yo me vas a comerlo." Merlin waved her off and began to blow on the hot rice with shrimp beans and chicken.

"Awe muchas gracias marido."

Merlin grunted and finally tried the damn thing…it wasn't bad. Savory not sweet, not too salty either.

"Well?!"

"…It's alright."

"You love it."

"Let's not get crazy now okay?"

"You heard it everyone, Billy freaking loves it and why not?! I'm so fabulous I outta compete in Master Chef."

Merlin rolled his eyes at her ego trip, whatever he'll finish this food in the privacy of their room.

And if someone – NOT HIM – managed to disrupt the internet which caused a very angry witch to scream bloody murder at him from downstairs to which he laughed…oh well not his fault.


Hmm, I never knew I was a hopeless romantic. It was honestly cheesy to me whenever I see it in other forms of media and entertainment but eh

Hope I didn't disappoint, please leave a comment if you have any thoughts love you lots! :D

*Cógelo suave, yo me vas a comerlo* = Take it easy, I'm going to eat it
*Muchas Gracias marido" = Thank you very much husband