Chapter 65: The outing.
The first few weeks after Croix started working with me were… rough. More than rough, even. Definitely not what I imagined they'd be. Why? Well… she wasn't mean, or anything, not exactly, but… She just… there was this distance between us, like an abyss that she was trying to fill with politeness and feigned cordiality to hide the fact she was also the one making it bigger.
And me? I didn't know what to do. I tried talking to her the first few days, but it soon became clear she was having none of that, and getting rejected time and time again just served to break my heart further. So, I did the only thing I could; concentrate on my shows. And honestly? It was easier than I expected.
With the help of Croix's technology my magic improved to unseen heights, to the point I was having fun again. I started getting overwhelming praise by the public once more, and soon it was time for the world tour. The tickets sold like never before, and the stages were full everywhere we went. And Croix? She was still distant, but I think working on her technology and actually getting results was improving her mood, because she became a bit less frosty as time went on.
Regardless, soon we finished our last show in Europe, and so we packed our stuff and went to Tokyo, Japan; the first of our Asian destinations. It's crazy for me that people from all over the world have heard my name, to be honest, and even crazier that people from a whole different continent will be attending my show tomorrow, but… I really shouldn't think about that; it'll only make me anxious. Instead, I decide to go out and maybe see some of the things Tokyo has to offer. Celebrate, in a way. Sure, it'd be better if I had someone to celebrate with, but I've come to learn that the life of a celebrity can be pretty lonely.
So, with nothing but a small purse on my person, I leave the hotel where I'll be staying and head out. I'm still a bit disoriented because of jetlag, but I'm still confident I'll be able to find something to do in such a big city as this even without knowing the language; maybe go to a market and buy souvenirs. I'm just stepping out of the main door, however, when I literally bump into someone. And not just anyone: Croix. She was also heading out, it seems, but she had stopped just outside the hotel to look at her cellphone. She startles at my disruption, of course, but her eyes immediately go back to the screen like she's trying to pretend she didn't see me, which stings. A lot. But I'm used to it by now.
I'm about to just walk away, but… something stops me. A thought. An idea.
She was going out, right? She never does that! In all the other countries we visited she always stayed at the hotel or with the rest of the crew; always staring at her laptop or working on her inventions, never a moment of rest. But now… now she's here, outside the hotel, doing what, exactly? Could it be she's taking a break? Could she have the exact same plan as me? Could we…? Could we go out together?
I shake my head. It's a useless thought! Of course she'll reject me! Why wouldn't she? She made pretty clear she wants nothing to do with me beyond the professional level now. But… still. Maybe… just maybe…
"Hey." I turn around and call her before I can convince myself that this is a bad idea. She looks up from her cellphone and looks at me with confusion. I can't help thinking that she looks cute when she makes that face, but… no. I need to focus.
"Uhm. I was wondering… if you, I don't know, maybe, would want to…" Oh jeez, my palms are literally dripping with sweat right now and my heart feels like it'll burst out of my chest! How can this be so difficult?!
"Chariot…" She starts, but I quickly interrupt her before she can reject me.
"Please! Just… it's not… I just…" What can I say, really? What could convince her? She doesn't want us to get back together, or even be just friends, so… "I just don't want to be alone." I blurt out the real reason I asked, feeling too exposed all of the sudden; like I'm here just standing naked in from of her, hoping she won't judge me.
She looks surprised for a moment, like this isn't what she expected to hear, but quickly recovers and frowns, looking at me like I just said something ridiculous.
"Look… whatever you want to do, just ask one of your friends." She says. "I'm a busy person."
"Well… all my friends are on another continent right now, so…" I trail off, shrugging.
"What about the crew?" She insists.
"Most of them are older than me, and we haven't really gotten close." I explain, trying not to look as sad and lonely as I feel, but… yeah, the corners of my mouth are turning themselves downward. "Look… It's fine if you don't want to come with me. I just thought I'd ask since, well, it seems like you have similar plans, and maybe we could go buy stuff or maybe eat at some restaurant or…" I look to the ground, unable to hide my pain or my disappointment, but also unwilling to look at Croix's cold, indifferent eyes when I'm so vulnerable. "But… it's fine. I'll just… go, I guess."
I turn around to leave, but Croix's voice stops me.
"Wait." I pause, not daring to look back yet, just in case I'm getting my hopes up for nothing. "I, um, I looked up some restaurants around here, if you wanna come. I wouldn't… I wouldn't mind."
I gasp and go to hug her out of habit, but she dodges me, throwing me back to a time when we were still strangers and she really didn't like physical displays of affection. It's kinda nostalgic in a way, but it also stings.
"Sorry." I say sheepishly. "I forgot."
"You never change." She rolls her eyes, but at least her tone is somewhat amicable. "Come on, it's getting late."
We take a taxi to the restaurant; a small cozy place that's already bubbling with costumers, so I assume it must be very popular. The air smells nice; of chicken, vegetables and soy sauce, and my stomach growls at the thought of having food in the near future.
We sit on a table for two near a secluded corner, hoping for a little quieter ambience, and also that no one recognizes me here. Although that, admittedly, is unlikely; I don't think I'm that popular on this side of the world. At least, I hope I'm not.
The waitress comes to bring us our menus and Croix thanks her in Japanese before going to read the item… which is also in Japanese. Great.
"You should have asked for the English menu." Croix says, no doubt noticing my struggle.
"I don't know if the waitress knows English…" I answer shyly.
"She probably does." She assures me with more confidence than she has any right to have in my opinion. "Have you seen how many tourists are here?"
I blink at her remark and finally turn to actually look at the other costumers at the restaurant, only to realize Croix is probably right. Many of them appear to be of other nationalities, and most are carrying around cameras, backpacks or bags full of souvenirs. Huh.
"Yeah, well, then why didn't you ask for an English menu? I don't think you know Japanese." I retort.
"I don't." She shrugs. "I can only speak some basic words, but I can read it pretty well, if I do say so myself. Especially when it comes to varieties of ramen."
Ah, ramen. Of course. How could I forget?
"I'll just have whatever you're having then." I say, putting the menu aside. "I don't know much about Japanese food anyways. Even if I could read this thing, I probably wouldn't know what to order."
"Suit yourself." She shrugs.
The waitress comes shortly after that and takes our orders, and afterwards we're left in uncomfortable silence; Croix playing with her chopsticks and me looking around as I try to think of something to say. Ugh, since when is talking to Croix so difficult? I don't remember it being like this before. What did we talk about anyways? School, the seven words, my adventures… oh! And her inventions! Maybe I can ask about that; it should help warm her up a bit.
"So…" I start, pausing until her eyes are directed at me to continue. "How are those experiments coming along? Got enough data already? I've seen you working non-stop."
"You don't have to do this." She says plainly.
"Do what?" I ask dumbly.
"Pretend that you care about me."
"What- I'm not pretending!" I protest vehemently. "I really want to know. Please."
"Really?" She frowns, doubting me, but after a few moments she lets out a sigh and shrugs.
"Well, if you really want to know… I did get enough data already to confirm some of my hypothesis. I also have enough control over my technology to make bigger creatures with it now, if you're interested."
"Like… a proper dragon?" I ask cautiously. She's been making smaller creatures until now; saying that she had to make sure the use of an alternative source of magic wouldn't have effects on her control of her magical beasts. Still, her creations have helped improve my shows almost as much as the dream fuel spirit itself, and bigger creatures surely would make for a better spectacle, like at the Samhain festival… but without people getting hurt, of course. That'd be amazing!
"Sure." She smiles. "Although maybe we could start with a big lizard tomorrow, just to test the waters."
"Yes, that'd be amazing!" I exclaim enthusiastically and, without thinking, almost out of instinct, my hands reach out and take one of Croix's hands between them. We both freeze at this as she looks down to our joined hands, but she doesn't pull away. Instead, she looks up and is about to say something, but I cut her off before she can start.
"Sorry, I-I… I just… I guess I wanted to say… thank you." When she doesn't speak or pull away, I feel a bit emboldened and decide to just keep talking and see what her reaction might be.
"I know you hate my shows and all, and… well, you're helping me regardless. And… yeah, I know it's for the data, and your experiments and all, but… You're here, so… thanks." I smile at her, but her gaze is locked at our hands, and her expression contemplative, as if she's gauging my words.
"Yeah…" She says after a moment of silence, frowning like she's debating something with herself. "About that… I-"
"Your sodas." In that moment the waitress comes and places our beverages on the table, at which point Croix and I retract our hands as if we've been burned, and the moment is lost. Even after the waitress leaves, Croix keeps her hands close to herself, and her shoulders tense as she looks at me, pursing her lips as if she's unwilling to continue what she was going to say before.
"You were saying?" I prompt, trying to encourage her to share what's on her mind, but she just shakes her head instead.
"Nothing." She answers almost defensively. "Just… I was wondering… Are you satisfied?"
"Satisfied?" I frown, confused. "With what?"
"Everything." She shrugs. "Your shows, your life as Shiny Chariot… just… this whole thing."
"Oh." I pause to think about it for a moment, but really the answer is obvious. "Yeah, I love doing shows; it's what I've always wanted. Sure, I could do without the whole celebrity thing, but if that's the price to pay to make even more people happy, then so be it."
"I see." She nods, thinking. "So, this is why you're doing this for? Just making people happy?"
"You're saying it like it's not important." I say a little more confrontationally than I intended.
"Why is it important to you?" She asks, not denying my accusations, but at least she sounds curious, so I decide to answer truthfully.
"Because… well, everyone deserves to be happy." I pause, trying to give some order to my thoughts and words to my feelings. "I know I can't solve every problem, like wars or famine or natural disasters, but if I can at least put a smile on people's faces and make them forget their problems for a while, I'll be doing a good thing."
"So that's all you want to do? Make people smile?" I don't have to be a genius to know that she's judging me right now, and although I expected as much, her tone still stings. "Even with the rod of seven stars, and the dream fuel spirit? With such unlimited power you could solve real issues, not just put a band aid on people's problems for an hour or two."
"Is that how you see it?" I snap back. "It's not just about the moment! I want people to look back and remember how they felt when they saw my shows, and be inspired, and have something to hold onto when they're going through bad times. Sure, it's not as tangible as inventing a new way to use magic, or magical cubes that can transform into creatures and be controlled, but I'd argue it's also important in a different way."
At the end of my little rant, Croix simply reclines on her chair and looks at me in a contemplative manner, as if considering what I just said. Then, after a few moments of tense silence she finally speaks.
"You know what's your problem?" Despite her words, she doesn't sound accusatory; just blunt. "You lack ambition."
"And yours is that you have too much of it." I shoot back.
"Maybe." She smiles, seemingly amused. "But I'd argue it's mostly a good thing."
"Only if you know to where to draw the line."
"I prefer not to limit myself." She shrugs.
"But with that mentality you could end up hurting someone."
"Like I care." Croix scoffs, clearly not taking me seriously. "I'm of the idea that the ends justify the means."
"Not always!"
"Which is why I'd rather go big. If my end goal is to revive magic, for example, I can justify doing pretty much anything."
"I- That's a horrible mentality to have!"
"Is it?" She raises an eyebrow. "It's different from how most people think, sure, but most people also don't accomplish great things."
"So? Shouldn't we just do what makes us happy instead of sacrificing everything for some "greater good" that won't give us any satisfaction?"
"That's a horrible mentality to have." She throws back at me my own words, but her tone is more mocking that anything. "But I'm not surprised you'd say something like that. You've always been pretty selfish."
"You're one to talk." I snap back.
"No, I know I'm selfish. But at least I'm not a hypocrite."
"Excuse me?!" I invertedly raise my tone of voice, but I honestly don't care. Croix is making me so angry right now.
"You were willing to sacrifice everything to accomplish your dream, were you not? Your education, all your training in strength magic, our relationship, and even the future of magic itself. All so you can be a celebrity."
"It wasn't like that!" I protest. "And in any case, I'd never hurt someone to accomplish my dreams, therefore I'm not a hypocrite."
"Really?" She scoffs. "So, you're not hurting the entirety of witchkind by abandoning your quest for the words? That's what you're saying?"
"I didn't abandon it! I still have the rod, and I'll get the seventh word eventually."
"Alright, let's assume that's the case." She dismisses my argument. "You still hurt me by ignoring me for months, denying our relationship on live TV and almost making me lose my magic due to your recklessness."
"I never meant to hurt you!"
"So that's how you justify everything?" Croix raises an eyebrow at me. "You didn't mean it, so therefore it's okay?"
"I- no! B-but…" I pause, trying to speak coherently. Although it's always been difficult; arguing with Croix, given that she is a literal genius and all. "If I could change the past, I'd do it, okay? I'd try not to hurt you; not even in order to become Shiny Chariot." I look at her in the eyes so that she knows I'm serious. "I can't change the past, but I can do better in the future. I won't hurt you again, or anyone else for that matter."
Croix holds my gaze for a few seconds, apparently unconvinced, but searching on my face for something. I just stare right back, hoping to look as determined as I feel, but I don't know if it had the effect I intended, because when Croix looks away, she simply mutters under her breath.
"We'll see."
And that's the end of the conversation.
After eating mostly in silence, paying for our food and going on our separate ways, I do some souvenir shopping on my own and then go back to the hotel in order to get a good night's sleep, since I know I'll need all the energy I can get, considering the first show in Japan will be this very afternoon.
As expected, early in the morning my manager calls me to his provisionary office, I assume in order to speak to me about the scenery, little tweaks I'll have to make to my usual routine and things like that. What I was not expecting, however, was to bump into Croix as I was about to enter his office.
"H-hey." I squeak out as greeting.
"So he also called you?" She asks.
"Yeah…" I frown. "Did you tell him about your new idea to make bigger creatures?" It's the only thing I can think of that would merit a meeting with us three on the day of an important performance.
"Not yet." She frowns as well. "I suppose we can only wait and see what he wants."
"Let's go then." I sigh, just hoping he won't come up with something ridiculous for me to do, and that we won't have to patiently explain to him that even magic has limits. Regardless, at least I have Croix with me, and hopefully she'll be able to talk some sense into him if necessary.
After knocking politely, we make our way inside his office, where he's already standing behind his desk with a cup of coffee on his hand.
"Good morning." He says curtly. "Please sit."
Honestly? Sitting down while he's standing has always made me unease; I feel like a scolded child. But… it's not like we have much say in the matter, so we both just do as he said while he simply takes out a yellow folder from one of his drawers, and extracts something from it. A magazine? My suspicions are confirmed when he pretty much slams it on the desk in front of us.
My eyes widen as I see what's in front of me, and my stomach turns in anxiety.
"It's not what it looks like." I immediately say. I don't have to know Japanese to know that the text just above the picture of me tenderly holding Croix's hand while I look at her with what can only be described as adoration, is probably about some conspiracy about me having a lover. Which is ironic, because right now I don't.
"I don't care if it's not!" My manager snarls. "How could you be so careless? You must know what most people would assume, right?"
"That we went on a date?" Croix interferes, looking mostly bored. "Who cares? Let them think what they want. Free publicity, right?"
"It wouldn't be such a big deal if you at least had gone out with a man." He continues, deciding to ignore my friend's remark. "But her? Do you ever think about your reputation?"
"Wow, homophobic much?" Despite Croix being ignored, she was still the one to talk. Not surprising, really, I'm just frozen hoping I can come up with something to say.
"It's not good for business." Is his simple answer.
"So… what are we gonna do about this?" I ask shyly, my stomach turning with anxiety. I don't know what his answer will be, but I know I probably won't like it.
"Well, to start…" His eyes narrow and he looks at Croix. "You can't be seen together. In fact, it's imperative that you two spend as little time together as possible. Today Croix will be transferred to another hotel, for this same reason."
Alright. That doesn't sound so bad. It's not like we talked much before the incident anyways. And if needed I can still send her emails or call her on phone.
"I still need to be at her shows though." Croix points out.
"Yes, just make sure you remain at the backstage." He dismisses her concerns. "And don't approach her under any circumstance."
"What if we need to talk about the implementation of my technology at her shows? What if I need to make adjustments? Can't I talk to her even in that case?"
"Do as you want, but if another picture gets leaked, you're out for good."
"What?" She snaps and I flinch. Oh, I can already tell this is going to get ugly. "Seriously? If it wasn't for me, Chariot would have been forgotten already! You wouldn't be having this big tour! I didn't even ask for payment; you can't kick me out just like that!"
"I can and I will." He says sternly. "Chariot is the one doing the magic here; you're just playing with your cubes."
"W-wait!" I intervene. "I… Please don't kick her out, she needs the data for her project. I'll stay as far away from her as possible, just… promise me she'll be able to stay as long as she needs to."
"This is stupid." Instead of being grateful for my interference, Croix seems to be mostly annoyed. "You are the famous one, are you not? You are the one making the magic here, as he so pointed out, so why do you let him trample all over you?"
"I-I… Well, the contract-"
"Fuck that!" She stands up, startling me. Although my manager looks at her like she's a child making a tantrum.
"Is it really worth it? Lying to the media and bending to his will just to… what, exactly? Make more money? Since when do you care about money?"
"I don't… B-but…"
"Are you really happy with how he's treating you? How he's treating us? Do you really think this will ever lead to anything good?"
"Croix!" I yell, effectively shutting her up. I don't like having to do this, but really, she's just making things more difficult for the both of us. And over what? A relationship that doesn't exist anymore? Her pride, maybe? Whatever it is, it's not worth fighting over. "Don't make this more difficult than it already is. Please." I say, practically begging, hoping she'll calm down and everything will be fine between us. "I'd do anything to keep being Shiny Chariot, and bringing happiness to children all around the world. If that means keeping some secrets or… well… keeping my distance from you, then…" I trail off, unwilling to say it out loud, but the implication rings loud inside my ears, and presumably in Croix's too, as she scoffs and frowns, obviously angered.
"Very well." She breathes in, clearly in a poor attempt to calm herself down. "I see how it is now. Sorry for believing you had any sort of backbone."
"Croix…" Before I can think of something to try to amend our already crumbling relationship, she swiftly exits the office, slamming the door behind her.
I can only hope she'll get over it soon. I mean… it's not such a big deal, is it?
"You did the right thing." My manager says, although his voice doesn't really bring me any sort of comfort. "But if she keeps up this attitude, I'm afraid we'll have to do without her sooner than expected."
"What do you mean?" I frown.
"Don't worry about it." He dismisses my concerns as he goes to open the door, clearly inviting me out. "You have today's show to worry about, after all. Give them a stunning performance, alright?"
"Y-yeah…" I trail off, remembering I still have to discuss the possibility of using a dragon-like creature this time with Croix… if the offer is even on the table still, that is. Maybe I should give her a few more days to calm down.
"I'll see you later then."
And with that, I'm off to prepare for my show.
A/N: Sorry about the delay, I've been busy with life. But I really enjoyed writing this chapter, and I hope you enjoyed reading it as well. I tried to give a little nuissance to baby villain Croix, and her eventual betrayal of Chariot, and I hope I succeeded lol. Anyways, leave yout thoughts in the reviews if you want, and any favorites and follows are appreciated as well. Thanks for reading!
Thanks to my beta reader moonwatcher13.
