***Thorin***
Nothing in his previous experience had been so painful as her retelling of the story that held his future - their future. His sister-sons were fated to die trying to protect him. This could not be! He would not allow it to happen.
Yesterevening when the woman first said that he stumbled into another world he was irked because the quest would be delayed. He thought it was a punishment for sins unknown. Now he saw it as Mahal watching over him and his line. The quest would not proceed in his absence, the company would disband, and his nephews would live.
It was for the best. He could not deny that he wanted Erebor back more than anything. He wanted his birthright, his kingdom, and all of the riches that came with it. But if the woman was right, and he had no real reason to doubt her - she knew not only all of their names and the name of their burglar but also about Dain - so if she was right, then he would not be taking Erebor for himself and his line.
Dain would probably be the next King Under the Mountain or maybe he would go back to his halls and leave his son to rule in his place. He hoped his people would be welcomed back to Erebor, but there was a reason some of them made their way to Ered Luin, a long and perilous journey, and did not try to find shelter among their kin in the Iron Hills.
"Hey! Can I come?"
"It is your home, Lady Yeva."
"Yeva."
"Yeva."
"You have to wash. You kind of stink, Thorin. You have to wash."
He smiled a little. He liked her, she was very direct, although not unkind. "Lead the way, my lady," he said and she huffed.
"Just for that, there'll be no hot water for you!"
She made her excuses to him that she could not find a large enough basin to serve as a bathtub. The shower was an interesting contraption. She explained at some length how it could be powered either by the sun or by fire. She was proud of it, having been one of the improvements she designed herself.
"I do not need a chair!"
"You do. Don't argue, it won't help. As you said, this is my house, so be a good guest, will you?" She then showed him how to work the knobs and left him to it with a warning that there was a maximum of 80 liters of hot water to be had. There was also a small basket with bottles and soap. "Remember to leave the conditioner in for at least a couple of minutes! I left you a clean set of clothes just outside, k?"
And she was gone, not waiting for his answer.
The shower was a great invention. When he got back to Ered Luin he would build himself one. It was like warm rain. Unlike a bath, where the water would become dirty and stay dirty, the shower assured one would always have clean water to bathe.
He wasn't sure what to make of the shampoo at first, but once he used it he could see how it made it simpler to clean his hair. Therefore it was only logical that he used the conditioner too. He did but did not discern what its effect was until he was out of the shower combing his hair.
He dressed and made his way back inside the house.
"The internet works," she announced when he entered the kitchen.
He must've looked as confused as he felt because she explained that now she had available the full tome of his quest. "Do you want to read it? Listen to it, actually."
"I believe so, aye."
"I suggest that you do. You heard it all from my point of view. I believe you should hear for yourself what the story says. Then, if the internet holds, I'll stream the films."
He was afraid of what he would find and did not look forward, but there was a need to know what the future held. There was always a possibility he could find a way to turn the tides and reclaim Erebor without sacrificing his sister-sons or indeed himself for it. By her own admission, she didn't know much of the details and she certainly didn't have much knowledge or understanding of his world.
Many hours later he had a better appreciation of what Yeva meant about the hobbit being always the lucky one and himself being a bumbling idiot. The whole adventure was one disaster after another and if they kept advancing it was surely not because of anything he did.
A hand appeared in front of his eyes and his hostess did something to the talking machine and the voice went blessedly quiet.
"I thought maybe you had enough for one day?"
"Aye."
"Want anything to eat?"
What he wanted was his pipe and his bag of pipeweed and said so.
"Ah, you smoke, I forgot."
"Aye."
"I don't have any yet, but I'll see about getting some."
"You are very kind."
"So, do you want to eat or do you want me to give you some space?" She waited a little while he was trying to decipher her meaning. "Would you like to be alone for some time to think? If you do, then I will give you space, meaning that I won't come around to spoil your peace."
He thought about it, but no, he did not want to be alone. "I'm not hungry yet; I do not need space either," the word did not sound right in his mouth. "Do you smoke?"
"Goodness, no!"
"You do not happen to have ale? Or wine?"
***Yeva***
Neither of them had anything to say. Yeva didn't want to talk because she wasn't sure of Thorin's state of mind and he just seemed content to sit quietly and watch the trees.
"You were right about the bumbling fool."
And here is your chance to think before you open your mouth, Yeye. Don't mess it up!
"You see, I thought about how Tolkien would come to know about your world."
"Tolkien?"
"The man who wrote the story. I only see two somewhat reasonable possibilities. One is that each thing we imagine becomes true in the sense that when we imagine we create a world, we bring it into existence. The other one is that other worlds do indeed exist and sometimes some people are inspired and get a glimpse of what is there.
"Now as to the bumbling fool - for which I am truly sorry, I shouldn't have said that." She saw him shrugging, but he offered no comment, so she went on. "Tolkien liked the elves. Loved them. I don't know how much this is apparent in The Hobbit, but if you would read his other works you would see it. For example, after LOTR Gimli son of Gloin is granted the title of elf friend and passage to some special Elven Heaven - don't ask me more, because I honestly don't know what that means. He goes there with his buddy, Legolas the elf prince."
"Never!"
"Ah, but you don't know the story, and I won't tell you what it's about. I hope you won't remain here for long and it's best that you don't know what happens a hundred years or more into the future."
"And why is that, Lady Yeva?"
He was cute when he was cross. She tried not to smile because the subject was serious and she didn't want to give him the wrong impression.
"What you don't know you cannot tell, no matter the methods someone would employ to try to extract information from you."
This gave him pause. "Are you in earnest?"
"Yep. You are at the beginning of your quest to reclaim the mountain, right? And the situation with orcs and goblins is pretty bad. In a hundred years - give or take - it will be much worse."
He nodded and said nothing, although it was clear he didn't quite believe her. Yeah, cryptic foretellings of doom never convinced anybody.
"Back to the elves. Tolkien loved them. They are the superior beings in everything that counts. He writes about men and dwarves, but they are truly an afterthought for him. Simply put he just didn't care about the rest. Mind you, this is my impression and the last time I read any of his works was at least twenty years ago.
"So with that in mind, you shouldn't put much stock in his descriptions of… of anything really. Elves can do no wrong, they are wise and learned and brave, humans and dwarves are very much hit and miss, but mostly miss with some notable exceptions. And since exceptions never make the rule, elves are lording over everybody."
Thorin had nothing to say to this, just looked at the glass of wine. It was not to his taste. For herself, Yeva quite liked the dry white wines Alsace was famous for so that was what she brought out. It would have been much better if it had been well chilled, true, but it wasn't bad anyway.
"I'll be right back." She came back with a bottle of Gewurztraminer and another glass. "I believe you'll like this one better. Ale should be rather sweet, right?"
"It can be, aye, but not overly so."
He didn't like the Traminer either, it being too sweet maybe. Ding! Ding! And the fussy dwarf of the year award goes to…
***Thorin***
"You'll need shoes" she cut into his thoughts rather brusquely.
He supposed she was right. He lost his boots in the flood. He was wearing Crocs, as she called them and he did not particularly like the way they fit.
"I'll measure you and I'll go to buy some stuff tomorrow. Whatever's needed right now. Then you'll be able to move around, try different things, you know, find out what you like."
"I will have to make the rounds and look at my cameras too, so I'll be gone for at least three days and very likely more. If it continues to rain, then a week is not out of the question. Do you want to come with me? You can also remain here."
He agreed to come with her on her rounds so fast she probably thought something was wrong in his head. It was boring work, she explained. This area she lived in was once a vast wild forested, but people have been inhabiting the land for so long that almost all large animals were long gone.
She and a handful of other people were doing a survey of sorts, counting creatures large and small, and using their findings to persuade the administrators to protect what was left.
Boring it might have been, but anything was better than doing nothing at all.
"Very well. Do you want to come with me and see the town? Once you have clothes, of course."
She set him the task to finish the story the next day while she would be away. Then they would watch the films. He was curious if he was honest. She explained what a film was, but he couldn't really grasp the concept.
So she showed him how a movie was made: the special effects and battle scenes, chases, accidents, special paints and disguises for the actors and much more. She would show him a few minutes from a film, then she would show him how it was made.
"Always keep in mind that nothing is real. The people you see are actors; they get paid to love one another or kill one another and neither action has any effect on their lives after their job is finished."
Other than finishing the original story he busied himself with cleaning his belongings and repairing what he deemed necessary. His breeches were torn in a few places and she patched them for him.
***Thorin***
"So, what do you think?"
"I would never go into a battle without at least a cap, but I prefer a sturdy helmet."
"That's all?"
"No," he replied after a moment and was grateful she did not push.
"There's a reason why there are no helmets," she said and laughed a little.
"What reason can there be? Did you not show me how dozens of people work to make these films as lifelike as possible?"
"A film is not real life. As I said, people have to pay to watch the film, k? They - the actors - have to look their best."
He waited for her to continue, he did not like the small smirk she sported just then.
"Thorin, come on! Nobody would pay to look at you, just as nobody would pay to look at me."
"I do not understand what you mean to say, but I would never take up acting, although you assure me that it is an honorable profession in your world."
"Eye candy, my dear Watson!"
"Thorin," he corrected.
"Yes, I know, it doesn't matter, different story. In fact, I wonder if Sherlock is real as well? That would be fascinating."
"Sherlock?"
"Let's go back to our film here. One of the reasons people pay to watch over the top CGI effects is because the actors look very appealing. Eye candy, right? I'd let Richard Armitage pick me up anytime."
"To take you where?"
"Pardon?"
"This man - where would he take you after picking you up?"
"Oh! That… um… No, he wouldn't take me anywhere. To pick up somebody or to chat up or to hit on them or whatever - these expressions depict the process of showing an interest, mostly sexual interest, in another person and acting on this interest with the aim of making the object of your desire interested in you in their turn. "
"I see," he said, although he did not. He thought about the film and the actors. She said the actors looked appealing to her, but she did not watch the screen. She almost completely ignored it in favor of looking at him.
Not that he minded. The book did not do a very good job of preparing him for the film. Even with all Yeva's commentary about how certain actions were not even physically possible, he still felt the film in a way he could not dismiss as a fanciful tale - the way he did the book.
He was interrupted in his musings by an insistent buzzing and then she started talking in that tongue he did not understand.
"Well, that's it for today. I have some work to do," she said and he could see she was very displeased by it. "I guess I should get to it. When you're hungry go ahead and look for something; you know where everything is in the kitchen and you should check the cellar too."
And with that, she cleared the table and took out an even larger screen and started to mutter about idiots and how she would charge them two arms and two legs for ruining her day.
It felt a tad strange to be in charge of preparing the meals for the day. Strange and somewhat dangerous: Yeva liked to have everything just so and would become annoyed if he moved something from its place. It was unreasonable - she was unreasonable - but Thorin was honest enough to admit that he did the same, at least most of the time.
He had lived a long life and had never been in a position where he had to accommodate other people. It was not something he wished to do for any length of time. It was tiring and time-consuming having to think twice about everything. Aggravating too since not doing things the way she did was unlikely to result in any mishap.
He wondered if she meant for him to prepare a meal for her too. She did not say so, but that would probably be expected of him since, after all, he had nothing else to do and she had to work.
The so-called cellar was nothing but a pail in the ground; a large pail, but still just a pail. It was about half full with all manner of vegetables, but no meat. She was supposed to go into the village to buy meat and cheese, but the day before she busied herself with some fruit bushes and today she was doing screen work. Roots were all he was going to eat for the foreseeable future and it did not put him in a good mood.
He put the lid back on the pail cellar without taking anything out and went back to the kitchen to see if one of the many cans could be his lunch. He took the one that looked less green than the others and proceeded to empty it into a pan to warm it. Bombur would have known what to do, he thought, a sudden pang of longing for his former life shooting through him.
I must not allow myself to lose hope. I must think this mishap a blessing, for it will enable me to retake Erebor without allowing my sister-sons to lose their lives. It is, after all, for their sake too that I am doing this.
So he ate his vegetables and found he missed the saucisson from yesterday's breakfast. Fresh meat would have been his preference, but right now he would have tried anything. He asked her if she wanted anything, but she just waved and muttered and never looked up.
When she finally took a break she ate her muesli with milk and brewed herself a coffee tea and then went right back to work.
"I'd watch the second film if that can be arranged," he asked just before she sat down to it.
"Um… "
"I do not believe it will be too distressing."
"If you are sure?"
He just nodded and waited for her to get the small screen.
"Do you mind watching it outside? The noise is distracting."
So outside he went. It was a beautiful late April day - or was it May already?
He found the second film much more bearable than the first. There were upsetting moments, to be sure, but this time he knew what to expect. What Yeva called CGI effects was indeed over the top, out of this world impossible, and nothing that would ever occur in real life, no matter the world he would end up in.
About halfway through the film she came out too and sat beside him. He did not know if he should be touched by her concern for him or upset because she thought him weak. In the end, he decided it was better to appreciate her concern. The film and the book differed more and more with each new installment and maybe she was there just to answer his questions, should he have any.
"Are you finished?" he asked, casting about something to say.
"Oh, no! This will take another couple of hours, at the very least."
"What are you doing?"
"I'm a DB engineer, I'm also part of a team that provides security assessments for businesses and individuals and we also design and help implement safety protocols."
"Security? You are a war councilor?"
She laughed a little, but then she looked at him shrewdly. "You would think that, wouldn't you? No, I'm not a war councilor, not in a way that you would recognize from your world. This is much, much more complicated."
He frowned, the film and the quest forgotten. She was mocking him, of that he was sure. "How so, Lady Yeva?"
"You're pouting, Thorin. It's only ever cute on three-year-olds and cats. Anyway, the war in your world is a rather straightforward affair, isn't it? You've got two opposing armies and they get to it. Or if one is smart, they build a huge fortress, maybe with a huge moat all around it, and they sit inside and tell the attackers to go pound sand."
"Pound sand?"
"Go fu… go do whatever they want to do with their time. Basically, the fortress cannot be conquered, right?"
That was so wrong it was laughable.
"A fortress rarely helps. Eventually, you will have to go out and confront the threat."
"Why so?"
"Because a fortress can only cater for its guard for so long. You would not be able to produce food and obtain medicine. Water is an even bigger concern. The attacker will cut your supply lines and poison the water."
"Do you mean to say that you need to control a pretty large area, all around your settlement?"
"In short, yes. There's a lot more to it, but yes."
"So that means you would need to… I don't know - come to an understanding with your neighbors? So that they don't attack you and cut your supply lines."
"Aye. Neighbors are very important, the closer they are, the better you are served by not having them as enemies. You should strive to ally yourself with them, if at all possible."
"Thorin, mon pote, keep that in mind when you go back to your quest. You will need to come to an understanding with your human neighbors and your elven neighbors. I'm so glad you already know the theory, not that I expected otherwise. Now you need to practice."
He felt himself scowl. He had walked right into her trap. She did not even need to be subtle about it, he took the bait with both hands.
"You win, my Lady," he said with a smile to show he was not upset with her little play, then bowed low to her. She rolled her eyes and smacked his arm, then went back inside to her work.
The next morning she was still at her screen. She looked tired so he did not bother her. He took some dry bread and made himself a tea and went outside to eat.
"I'm done! Putain, I cannot believe I had to work through the night."
"You did not sleep at all?"
"Nope. And now I'm just too keyed up to slip. I need to move, right? If I move around a bit maybe I'll sweat the coffee faster, what do you think? Or maybe I should make chamomile tea? No, not chamomile, I cannot stand it, smells like piss."
"I will make some other tea."
"Really? You're awfully nice!"
"Go, Yeva, stretch your legs a bit and I'll have tea ready for you."
She did not look well, which concerned him. He hoped she knew what she was doing, but now was not the time to ask. Going for so long without sleep would not cause one to be reasonable.
It took almost three hours for her to calm down, in her own words, and in that time she talked his ears off. Mahal, the woman could talk when so moved! He understood almost nothing of her blabbing, half the words being in that tongue of hers and the rest mostly pertained to her craft, of which he knew but little.
He would have asked her to start the last installment of the film. He wanted to see it and be done with it. On the other hand, he imagined it would show his nephews' deaths and his own too. So maybe it was for the best that he was made to wait.
Wait! Always wait, he grumbled to himself. He looked around for something to do and found nothing. His belongings were clean and repaired and Yeva kept a tidy home for herself. He could repay her kindness by doing work around the house.
He stood outside and thought about what he should do when he went back.
The answer was simple enough: not be an idiot. He knew the dragon could be killed. He should devise a plan to do just so. He could even enlist Bard's help if the black arrow was needed, although that was not what he understood from the storybook. There it was said that Bard kept his black arrow, the one that came from the forges of the King under the Mountain, for last.
It was also not the only arrow Bard had, but the rest of them did not strike true. And it was just an arrow, nothing enchanted about it.
For all he knew, the Mountain was teeming with arrows, forged in the days of old. Or not. A spear would do as well if one could come within striking distance. That would make Kili and Bifur the ones most likely to be successful. All they needed now was good bait, and what better than the King under the Mountain himself?
He did not have a death wish, but he had to be realistic. The chances that all of them would escape with their lives were almost non-existent. So he would offer himself as a distraction, together with Dwalin, Gloin, Dori, and possibly Nori, as they were the hardiest and most battle experienced of his Company.
That left Fili out of the danger, which was a relief, although the relief lasted only until he recalled that killing the dragon was not what took his sister-sons. Their last moments were not described at all, except to say that they "had fallen defending him with shield and body, for he was their mother's elder brother." It was not something he wanted to contemplate at any great length.
A plan then; he needed to plan for that final battle. From the moment Smaug died until the battle happened there had to be almost two weeks, certainly more than ten days. It was plenty enough to come to an understanding with the Elvenking and Bard. That they did not was due solely to his own failings, most notably his avarice and pride.
However, thinking back to the story, he saw he never had advice from any quarter. It was said, in passing mind, that Fili and Kili, and Bombur too, were not happy with his decision to keep all the gold for himself. The rest of the Company was in agreement with him, for the most part. In any case, none would gainsay him.
He was the king, it was his right to do as he pleased. And so he did and had himself killed and his line ended and none would think to stop him. In this he was alone. What troubled him further was that even if he could see his way into parlaying with Bard, he was not sure the Company would agree.
He promised them an equal share of the fortune, this being one of the principal reasons they were there. How many would be willing to share? It followed that another contract would have to be drawn.
The menfolk would demand succor for their troubles and the elves too would want some trinket or another - some emeralds of Girion were mentioned, though he had no recollection of anything by that name.
***Yeva***
It was a bit after midday when she woke up and she didn't feel well. She was still tired and would have liked nothing better than to go back to sleep. She didn't though; from experience, it was better to stay awake until the evening and go to sleep sometime after eight, preferably after nine. This way she was assured she'd sleep until the morning and go back to her normal rhythm the next day.
They ate and they watched the last film. Thorin did not make any comment, besides remarking on how the stories diverged from one another, even though the events would follow the same general line in the end.
He seemed somewhat withdrawn or better said deep in thought. She supposed he did have much to think about.
She did not like The Hobbit when she was little, but Richard Armitage could read cat food labels and she would still pay to look and listen. It was a shame that for as good looking as Ben had been and for as much as he was exactly her type of good looking, there was no spark between them. They always have been good friends and she supposed their marriage was not all bad, but, for her at least, it was not satisfying either.
So she did see the trilogy while trying to ignore the horrible plot - was Bilbo the original Mary Sue? And she did read the fanfics; a mixed bag, to be sure, but some of them were really, really good.
She would have liked to talk about it with Thorin. It seemed to her that pretty much all fanfics solved the problem either by introducing a new - and disrupting member - or by pairing off Thorin with Bilbo. It seemed logical enough. She didn't remember how exactly the gold madness took hold of Thorin in the original story, but it could hardly matter. One obsession could be replaced with another and she subscribed to the old adage that every story is a love story.
"There is no gold madness in the storybook," Thorin said out of the blue.
"There isn't?"
"No. It says that I am lusting for gold, although whether it is for the treasure itself or because it reminded me of the long lost days of my youth, it does not say."
"Oh." She was not sure what else to say. Could it be that simple? "But that's great, Thorin! I'll take your word for it, I have no wish to read the book again and no patience to listen to it. All you have to do now is go back and be sure you prepare for the battle at the end, right?"
"That is the crux of the matter, is it not? I now know a battle is coming, but will I convince the others?"
"You are the King. Shouldn't they do what you order them to?"
"It is not so - erm - simple. The dwarves who accompanied me came with the understanding that they will have their equal share of the treasure."
"This won't be possible and it wouldn't have happened anyway."
"True. I am to ask them to accompany me without much to gain from this quest and a lot to lose."
"All the original Company members survive, except you and your nephews, if I remember well. I hope I do. I am not sure why I thought the gold madness was in the book too."
"Do not trouble yourself. You told me the story as you knew it. You did not try to deceive me, nor did you try to take advantage of my lack of knowledge and steer me wrong. You insisted I find out for myself and for this I am grateful, do not doubt me."
"Right, right. Let's leave the gratitude aside for the moment. You need a plan."
"Aye."
"Do you have one?"
"Nay."
That was succinct. "Well, I'll be… Thorin, come on! You're teasing me!"
He only smirked a little and she knew she was right. At least he did not look depressed. If she remembered well - although it seemed like she did not - Thorin of the book was never depressed. He was stubborn and rash, but he kept pushing forward no matter what. So maybe depression was not in the cards for him. He was a man of action - a dwarf of action, she corrected herself.
"Tomorrow I'll go into a nearby town and buy some supplies. It will probably take all day." He grunted but said nothing. "You're bored out of your mind, aren't you? I've been a poor host."
"I am bored, but, again, it is through no fault of yours."
"What would you like to do?"
"Go back to my world," he said wistfully, "but I do not know how."
"I do not either." The silence stretched for some moments before she couldn't stand it anymore. "What if you are stuck here? What if there is no going back for you?"
The next couple of days went on without anything of note happening. Yeva made two trips to the nearby towns: one to buy camping stuff and batteries and the other to pick up Thorin's clothing which she ordered on the internet.
All that remained was to pack and finally be out on their way.
"No, you will not wear your mail."
Packing for a three-day trip was going to be difficult. He had his arms crossed on his chest and his jaw set.
"I understand, believe me, I do understand. I mean I'm taking bras and panties for ten days, but I keep everything in my pack; nobody needs to know.
Thorin, please believe me that nobody will jump on us in these woods. And I'm not saying you should leave your things at my house; certainly not. I am hoping that walking about in the general direction from where the mudflow came might give us some clues on how you got here and possibly on how you can go back."
"So why can I not wear my mail? I shall not venture into the wilderness unprotected."
"There is no wilderness left here. This is Europe; more precisely this is France. People have killed almost everything. There are no bears left and there are - maybe - a handful of wolves. We might, if we are lucky, see a fox, although in the five years I helped with the survey I never saw one other than in photos. It's more likely to be struck by lightning than to see a linx. To see one at less than a hundred meters, outside of a natural reserve, would be something so extraordinary that I would be interviewed by the local newspaper. I might even rate thirty seconds on national TV.
It's why I'm participating. To help preserve whatever's left."
"I do not like it."
"I'll make you a deal: if you ever feel you need to put on your mail, then I won't prevent you. If you take me at my word that there are no dangers, then I'll trust you if you say that you need - whatever you need. Besides, I never said we'll go unarmed, did I?"
"What do you mean?"
"Knives, hatchets, machetes, handsaws - come on, let me show you."
Thorin surprised her by picking only a hatchet and a messer. The heaviest hatchet, of course, and the longest messer, but she was impressed by his restraint.
"Just so you know, I only ever needed a knife and a shovel - "
"Why then did you not take a knife?"
"I have my own knives. Everything in here belonged to my husband.
Besides, a shovel is more useful than that sword you picked. I wouldn't like to spend the night outside without being able to cobble together something, so the shovel is rather important. However, I don't mean for us to sleep on the ground. We'll go from refuge to refuge and we'll sleep on the floor where there are no cots or benches."
"A refuge? Is this a sort of an inn?"
"Oh, no, not at all. It's a small… building. A hut! A small hut in the woods. Many of them have benches or indeed wooden frames for sleeping, although you need your own sleeping gear. Most of them have some source of clean water within a hundred meters, some have wood stoves and so on. It depends on what the people who look after them could afford to do."
"Hm"
"What's the matter? It's basic accommodation, but at least it's dry."
"If we sleep in such a hut, then everybody would know we are there."
"So?"
"I would see for myself and then decide."
In the end, they took a lot more stuff than Yeva ever would have if she went by herself. The only awkward moment came when they had to decide what would go where.
"Lady Yeva," he said and then stopped, clearly ill at ease.
"Just Yeva, Thorin. I'm not going to call you my lord no matter how much you might wish for it."
"You put all the food and everything that you consider important survival gear - your words, not mine - in my pack."
"I want you to have everything you need and then some if it happens to be possible to go back. I don't know if it is, but if you do go back, I want it to be as easy as possible for you. I might have purchased too much, I'll give you that, but everything is useful."
"I do not doubt it. However…"
"What is your problem? I'm not rich, not by far, but the expense means nothing to me. I would love to help more, but I'm afraid I don't know what else I can do."
"Why do you suppose that if it is possible to pass back into my world it will be me who does so?"
"Pardon?!"
"I thought about it a lot. About how it came to happen."
"And?"
"It was happenstance. I made a mistake, I opened the wrong door and entered the wrong house."
"I see."
"I do not know and you do not know either which one of us will make a mistake, pass through the wrong door as it were."
"I never thought of this."
"I believe we should split everything equally. Maybe you should have more of the food and certainly all the medical supplies. I can handle myself with nothing but a stick if need be."
"But -"
"No. I have the weapons. I can hunt and I can fight. For myself, I need nothing else."
"You forget I had to cut you loose from a tree, but I take your meaning. You are right, we'll start again."
"You should take all the duct tape, or better yet leave it at home."
"Duct tape is God's gift to humanity. My husband was American, did I tell you? I knew what duct tape was before I met him, of course, but never really saw what was so great about it. Never needed to use it either. But since I married him I am converted! You can do anything with it, Thorin, anything! I bet a non-trivial percentage of the Space Station is held together with duct tape. You don't understand yet, but you will need duct tape."
