Torchwood: Divergence
Book One: Dychwelyd

Chapter 40

The atmosphere in the SUV was less than relaxed as they followed Rhys' saloon back toward the Millennium Centre, and the silence was grating on Jack's nerves.

"I know that look," he finally stated with a slight frown. "What are you worrying about?"

"I... think I should look into getting some clothes that are more field appropriate," the young Welshman in the passenger seat offered after a moment, obviously avoiding the real subject. "See if Mr. Simmons can alter some of his sport and hunting lines to fit, since I don't work the tourist desk anymore. Those fabrics take abuse better and are substantially less expensive than the suits like the one I just managed to completely destroy. I can save the nice ones for those possible dates you mentioned."

"Hey," Jack smiled, wiggling his eyebrows. "Tweed with suede patches, turtlenecks, blue jeans, RAF style jumpers... wow. You would look so amazing 'dressed down'. I remember the jeans and jacket you had on when we first met."

Ianto smiled, but the expression didn't completely banish the unhappiness in his eyes.

"You're still fretting about Gwen and her daughter's first word, aren't you?" the American behind the wheel prodded after another brief silence.

"It's just..." his partner began hesitantly.

"Just what?" Harkness urged, slowing the SUV somewhat so he could safely glance over at the younger man, his own misgivings about the incident resurfacing.

"She was covered in my blood, Jack," Ianto blurted worriedly. "My blood with Scieron threads in it. What if she knows they call me Frân Arian because so much of my blood got in her mouth or her eyes, and now there are Shadows in her too?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," the older immortal called evenly, seeing honest panic in the twenty-six-year-old's expression and able to tell he was starting to hyperventilate. "We don't actually know that can even happen. I mean, they had to cut you open and stitch their cells into your body, yeah? I've kissed you when there's been blood on your lips and I'm fine. Besides, Gwen and I heard one of them call you back to life... maybe that voice could be heard in the office too and Rhys' head was pounding too hard for him to hear it. Or Gwen could have mentioned it when they were talking about you at some point and didn't realise Ebrill heard her. Then she saw your wings..."

His words were reassuring, but there was suspicion in his eyes as he thought how likely the other scenario was considering the amount of fresh arterial blood the baby had been covered in, and again wondered about the Scieron's long term agenda.

"I didn't have them out," Ianto squeaked shakily, unable to hide that he was starting to exhibit symptoms alarmingly like those he'd experienced before a seizure when his memory had been blocked. "She's not even eighteen months old, Jack... She'd never understand the connection... It has to be my blood... I... I've infected her somehow... You think so too... I can see it in your eyes..."

The young Welshman was on the verge of tears, his breathing dropping to shallow, pained gasps, and his muscles starting to jerk. Suddenly a Hellish red glow bloomed in his eyes, turning them to pools of ruby light even as his spine stiffened and his head snapped back against the car seat with a choked cry.

"Ianto!" Jack pulled off the road and hit the brakes, scrambling free of his safety belt so he could reach the brunette beside him. "Don't do this. Whatever happened with Ebrill wasn't on purpose; you weren't trying to hurt her. What she said isn't important. Let it go... Ianto."

The Captain put a hand on either side of his lover's face, met his inhumanly luminous gaze... and heard the soft whisper of otherworldly voices in his mind.

*Fod mewn heddwch, brawd bach, * the distant Shadows breathed comfortingly. *What you fear is impossible. The green-eyed babe can hear us when others cannot, as can all the very young of your kind and the beasts of your world. It was naught but an echo of the words our cells in your blood whispered to you that touched her. Do not grieve so, Frân Arian... you have done nothing wrong. It is only the turmoil of resurrection that makes you doubt what your heart knows to be true. *

Jack wanted to believe what the Scieron said, but some tiny part of him still worried that the so-called Children of Void weren't as beneficent as they claimed. He couldn't quite bring himself to fully trust them... which was probably why he'd found himself doubting Ianto on so many occasions the past couple of months. He'd tried hard to hide the unease, not wanting to panic the younger man or make him ill the way his first brush with the subject had. Yes, he wanted to trust his partner, but the young Welshman had freely admitted that nearly one quarter of his body mass was now bits of Other-Dimensional Shadow. What could those alien threads make him do without his knowledge? What power lay behind them that could so completely terrify a massive colony of Weevils? Even now he felt as though the creatures were reaching for him through the blood hued light that shone from his lover's eyes, making his head ache.

Harkness tried to keep his concerns hidden as that red glow faded, returning Ianto's eye to tear-filmed blue. The twenty-six-year-old took a ragged breath and focused on the man facing him.

"I didn't hurt her..." Ianto whispered hoarsely, a few tears winning free to leave glittering trails down both cheeks.

"I heard," Jack reassured, shifting awkwardly against the dashboard so he could place a soft kiss on his lover's forehead. "So, relax, yeah? Nice deep breaths... no more tears. Everything's just fine."

"No, it's not," Ianto insisted brokenly, his expression acquiring the lost child look that always made the older man's heart ache. "You heard, but you don't believe it. More and more lately you've looked at me the way you did after what happened with Lisa. I've never lied to you about anything important since then, Jack, not once. I trust you completely, regardless of the secrets you won't share. But you've started doubting half of what I say unless Gwen or the others back it up. What did I do to make you stop trusting me? Was it the Weevils after all? Have you actually doubted me this whole time?"

"I do trust you," the American hedged, disturbed that the twenty-six-year-old had so easily seen through him. "Things have just been crazy trying to clean up the last of the mess from the bottleneck the Scieron caused in the Rift. I've gotten in the habit of double checking everything to be sure nothing gets missed, that's all."

"I've only been back with you for just shy of two months and you're already lying to my face," Ianto whispered, utter misery burning in his red-rimmed eyes. "You said it broke your heart when I died back there, the way mine breaks every time I wait for you to breathe again. I love you more than life, Jack... but what good is that if there's no trust? How can you let me put a blade through your heart again in ten years if you already doubt my commitment to protect not harm? What was the point of enduring all of what the Scieron did to change me so I could be with you through eternity, if you've lost your faith in me after only a few weeks?"

Harkness opened his mouth to protest, but couldn't deny the doubts he'd harboured the past couple of fortnights and couldn't quite keep the unease from his face. He didn't realise the younger man had undone his safety belt, until the brunette opened the SUV door and staggered out onto the verge.

"Ianto!"

He made a grab but missed, had to scramble over the centre console to exit the vehicle in pursuit of his partner. Ianto shed the wool great coat as he stumbled across the uneven ground beyond the road, fell to his knees with the garment clutched in both hands. He was crying when Jack caught up, the same terrible, devastated sobs of grief and fear that had shaken him years ago when he'd lost the woman he loved.

"I... I wanted to... be with you forever..." the young Archivist wept brokenly, oblivious to the sharp chill in the early afternoon air. "Shield your heart and soul... for all time. But you... you don't want me here after all... or you wouldn't doubt me so easily..."

"I do want you," Harkness insisted desperately, kneeling in front of the Welshman and taking hold of his shoulders. "I need you with me, Ianto. I can't face eternity and everything I'm expected to do if I don't have you here at my side. It's not really you anyhow, it's them. I know I should be grateful to the Scieron for bringing you back; I'll try harder to remember that. Now please let me take you home. How will I be able to save the Universe later without you?"

"I. Don't. Care!" Ianto cried tearfully, his voice breaking with the depth of his distress. "All I care about is you, Jack... loving you and being loved back... But I don't see love in your eyes... all I see is fear... Fear of me, not of losing me... Fear of the Shadows inside me..."

To his horror, the American saw silver glimmer in the palm of the Archivist's right hand, the ornate hunting knife from their Pledge Sealing materialising from the distraught brunette's flesh as he released the coat in his lap.

"Please don't," Jack begged, tightening his grip on the young Welshman's shoulders and squarely meeting his haunted gaze as he remembered what Gwen had warned him about nearly a month before. "I was wrong to lose faith in you. I know you well enough that I never should have thought you'd hurt anyone or anything, unless you were defending yourself or one of the team. I've been around enough evil in my life that I should have realised you aren't, alien Shadows or not. I'm sorry."

" 'Sorry' isn't enough," Ianto gasped brokenly, gripping the blade in his hand and shoving it up under his own ribs to pierce his heart before ripping it free with a choked sob and letting it dissolve.

Dark blood sprayed across his lover's face and shirt front from the resultant tear, then gushed down over his stomach and the borrowed coat he'd been holding as his body convulsed in the older man's stunned grip.

"No..." Harkness whined, pulling his partner into his arms, cradling him close as he tried desperately to stem the horrible flow of blood from the self-inflicted wound. "No... no... Ianto, please... don't..."

"Love... dies without... trust... Jack..." Ianto choked, deep crimson bubbling past his lips with each tortured syllable, his blue-grey eyes bright and wild with pain. "Without your love... I. Die. Too..."

Ruby light ignited in his tear-filled eyes once more, but this time it wasn't to help or heal, it was to sear away the Scieron Shadows within him and banish his soul to the Dark beyond Death's Door forever. He wept and choked, his body shivering convulsively as he was consumed by agony and despair. Jack felt tears running down his own face through the chilling spatter of Ianto's blood, the terrible cold void of loss swallowing him whole as he held the shuddering twenty-six-year-old and stared helplessly into the Hellish glow destroying him. He couldn't move, couldn't breathe or feel his own body. He'd made a soul binding promise to the fading brunette in his arms... and he'd broken it.

"What have I done?" Harkness whispered numbly, the world around him disappearing in a flare of crimson light.

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Welsh bits:

Fod mewn heddwch, brawd bach = Be at peace, little brother

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AN: So… that evil chuckle… Yeah, it's because this cliff-hanger is even worse than the last one. I'd say "sorry", but you'd never believe me…

Thank you to those reading the story. And thank you to those who have followed, favourited, and reviewed. NM