Chapter 18: Chariot, alone.
I wake up alone in my room. Yes, my two roommates also went home for Samhain break, which should make me glad because it means no more Karen for a few days, but… gosh, I hate being alone. I'd take Karen's mean comments over this eerie silence any day.
As I walk through the hallways to get to the cafeteria, my steps resonate loudly throughout the school, almost thunderous now that I'm pretty much the only one here. When I arrive to my destination, there are only like five people, dispersed in groups of two and three, each at different tables at opposite ends of the cafeteria. I try to see if there's anyone I know, but they all appear to be from different years, and I don't remember ever having seen them around. So, I end up sitting alone.
I sit next to the window, hoping that watching the green fields outside will help me feel less lonely. But staring at the empty space outside, usually filled to the brim with energetic students chatting, practicing magic and laughing… I end up feeling even lonelier.
Despite being in the same school I've lived in for the past few months, I feel like I'm a castaway in the middle of nowhere, utterly lost and with no hope of getting back to civilization.
Am I exaggerating? I probably am. But it's always been like that for me. Being alone makes me anxious, I feel like I'm trapped, and I always end up crying and seeking someone's company.
Back home it happened every time my aunt left and didn't take me with her, which forced her to cut her plans short many times.
When I was at school I tried to make as many friends as quickly as possible, so that I wouldn't feel so alone. But… almost no one wanted to be friends with the weird girl who thought she was a witch. So I ended up clinging to the very few friends I had like ivy.
And I did the same with Croix.
But despite everything, despite all my efforts for not feeling alone, here I am. As lonely as you can get. No one to talk to, no one to laugh with, no one to hug… no one to simply be with doing absolutely nothing, just relishing in the fact that you have each other.
Loneliness is truly the worst sensation in the world.
After breakfast, I go to Croix's lab and sit down at her desk all by myself. It feels weird being here all alone. I don't think I've ever been in this place without Croix, or sat here without her being next to me as well.
I miss her. Despite what she did I… I miss her so much.
But moping around won't bring her back. And slacking off, feeling miserable about myself won't impress her.
I spend this whole day reading, studying, making notes and trying to burn into my head every little bit of information I can find. I mean, I know I'll forget it by the end of the semester (or earlier), but at least Croix should be impressed that I managed to learn so many things in such little time.
So, apparently Professor Woodward was the first known owner of the Claiomh Solais, but no one knows if she made it herself or found it. It was used once to revive magic in a time where witches were being hunted and killed, which was apparently weakening the connection of Yggdrasil to the stars, or something. But then they ended up sealing a small part of Yggdrasil, called the Grand Triskelion, in the Arcturus forest, so that magic could be revived if it ever ended up dying again.
For some reason though, they made it super complicated to unlock the damn thing! Like, that's the equivalent of keeping a fire extinguisher under locks and chains!
First you have to get the Claiomh Solais, of which location they gave no clue except that it was sealed in the stars, which is just too vague. Then, you'd have to find seven ancient spells and breathe life into them somehow despite there being no manual, or anything beyond their pronunciation written in freaking lunar runes.
And after all of that you have to unlock the seal of the Grand Triskelion and make a wish to revive Yggdrasil. Like, come on! It's the freaking world-altering magic! What if the one who got the Grand Triskelion ended up wishing for something else? Like, I don't know, an ice-cream that never melts? … Okay, maybe not that one; that would be dumb, but you get the idea!
But anyways, the point is I spent most of my Samhain break memorizing stupid historical facts about this stupid rod that really didn't help me use it at all.
Like, I tried making spells with it, but it just wouldn't respond. I tried saying the first word again, over and over, to see if it transformed into the shiny arc thingy. I even tried casting spells on it with my wand! But nothing worked, and by the fourth day without results I was not only bored but also incredibly frustrated.
That's when I decided to check the library. In the legend section.
Going by the titles of Croix's books, I assumed she'd gotten them all either from the history section, the secret archive or bought them from the last Wednesday society, but I doubted she'd ever check the legend section. Sure, it was mostly filled to the brim with fun or mysterious stories that probably didn't have even an ounce of reality, but… they were more enjoyable. Plus, the world-altering magic surely sounds like a tale too good to be true.
And guess what? After spending a rather relaxing day (compared to the previous ones at least) reading fantastic tales about kings and princesses, and fairies, I finally stumbled across a legend that could maybe serve my purposes.
It went like this: once upon a time, long before the first witch learned to use magic, there was a sacred tree. This tree was made of gold, and its branches connected the stars to the Earth, the sky to the ground and even the hearts of all living things; it linked them all together. One day, there was a woman who wished to save her dying lover of a mortal wound he'd received, and her pain was so intense and so devastating, it was starting to affect the world around her; to the point one of the tree's branches withered and fell; the one which linked together the little and big dippers.
The girl found it and immediately formed a connection with the object. With it, she was able to wield the power of the stars and cure her lover, but it was only possible because the love she felt for him was strong enough to unite the branch with the tree once again, if only in spirit, and channel the magic through it.
That was the origin of the first witch and the first wand. Sounds familiar, doesn't it? But what I found most interesting was that little bit about her love being so strong it somehow managed to connect the wand with the tree.
I remembered how I felt when I pronounced the first word. There was something flowing between me and the rod. Some sort of energy or magic; a connection I've never felt with any ordinary wand. So… maybe that's the key. Maybe I have to use my emotions, make them super intense so they are passed into the rod, and use that energy to somehow summon magic.
Sure, it's more difficult than the traditional method with a normal wand, where you merely extract the magic from it and use it to make spells, but I guess a freaking legendary rod really can't be that easy to use.
So, I started practicing once more.
I failed of course, a lot. I spent a whole day trying to make just a simple illusion spell, but… I couldn't conjure even a tiny spark.
The next day I tried again, but this time I actually paused to think which emotion could be strong enough to do the trick. Like, sure, I'm very expressive myself, and I've never been one to repress my feelings in any way, but to activate the rod of seven stars it looked like I would need something more powerful.
I had already tried with happiness, by remembering how I felt the first time I was able to fly in my broom, when I would play with my aunt when I was younger, and even when I entered Luna Nova. But nothing happened.
I had also tried anger, which was honestly way easier to accomplish because I was already getting mad at the stupid wand! And I got the same result.
Finally, I had tried fear, remembering how I felt in the Arcturus forest when the monsters would chase us, or when I couldn't find Croix at night. I had even tried imagining a scenario in which I actually didn't find her and I had to face against the rock monster thingy alone! Like, that was a lot of fear! And anxiety too! And yet, the stupid rod had remained as lifeless as ever.
So, I wasn't going to try with those emotions again today. I needed new ones! Like… sadness? That was easy enough to accomplish. I just had to remember how Croix left after I got the Claiomh Solais and my heart immediately started hurting like it was happening in that very moment. But… even though for a millisecond it looked like the gems might flicker to life, at the end I couldn't cast any spell with sadness.
But didn't the legend say the first witch accomplished it with love? I didn't try that one at first because, like, I've never been interested in romance at all. Even when the other girls at my old school started fantasizing about boys and stuff, I was only ever worried about magic. I didn't have time for love!
But then I realized… it doesn't have to be romantic love, right? It could be the love I feel for my aunt!
So I tried thinking about all the times she'd stop whatever she was doing to play with me, or comfort me, or tell me a story. How, despite not being my mother, she took her role as my guardian seriously and always tried to do what's best for me. Again, the gems flickered with light for merely a moment, but apparently my love for my aunt just wasn't enough.
But… what love could be greater than that? My love for Arcas? I mean, he's nice and all, but I wouldn't say I love him more than my aunt. Still, I tried. But nothing.
My love for my long-dead grandma? Okay, I did love her a whole lot, but I barely remember her anymore, so even though I summoned all the good memories I have of her, it apparently wasn't enough.
Then I tried… Croix. Sure, she's such a stupid egotistical meanie for leaving me here all by myself, and getting angry just because I got this shiny rod, but… I still care a whole lot about her. I know we only met a few months ago, but I immediately felt a connection with her, and aside from the occasional hiccups (like this one) she's been nicer to me than anyone else. So… I guess you could say I love her. As a friend, at least. Best friend, maybe? Still, I wouldn't say I love her more than my aunt, but I guess it's worth a try.
And so, I close my eyes, remembering how we met, how she agreed to teach me illusion magic despite thinking it was a waste of time, how she saved me from my own stupidity thousands of times while practicing spells and potions, how she defended me from my roommates, and how I taught her to fly while standing on her broom, which is still one of my favorite memories to date.
I actually started to feel something then. A little tingle in my fingers where they touched the rod, and a pleasant sensation in my chest. And when I opened my eyes, the gems were lit! But as soon as I tried casting a spell, the light disappeared and the rod became lifeless once more.
Ugh. Like, seriously, what do I have to do to make it work? There's no one I love more than my aunt or Croix!
… Wait. Sure, there's no one I love more than them. But… but maybe there's something that could do the trick.
Magic.
I've always loved magic above all things. It's the only connection I have with my dead grandma, and even with my mom. It was the only thing that would make me defy my aunt; ignore her concerns and warnings in favor of practicing it. It's what made me come to Luna Nova in the first place! The only thing that makes me keep studying and reading for hours and hours until I don't want to see a book ever again. Magic was what made me connect with Croix; another witch like me, who knew everything about magic and loved it almost as much as I do.
Maybe, just maybe, my love for magic was the key all along.
It would make sense, really, but I'm almost too afraid to try... Almost.
And so, I close my eyes once again. I start to remember the first time I casted a spell, when I came to Luna Nova when I was six, when I first flew in my broom, the first time I watched the Samhain Festival, when I was finally accepted to Luna Nova, the few times I managed to cast spells correctly, and finally, when I participated in the broom race.
I concentrate on the love I felt for magic in all those memories, and how that made me feel. And the tingling sensation appeared again, accompanied with some sort of pleasant heat that seemed to be emanating from the rod; like it was answering to my feelings.
When I opened my eyes, the gems were brighter than before, almost as much as when I had conjured the first word. And when I tried to cast a spell again… yes! The butterflies made of light I would always conjure with an illusion spell appeared in front of me! And when I willed them to transform into birds, then into a lion, and finally into a mermaid, they followed my commands perfectly; quickly and efficiently as soon as I imagined it. More so! They were a lot bigger and brighter than when I conjured them with my regular wand! And it took me way less effort and concentration!
Huh. I guess this rod isn't so bad after all. I bet it could even help me make longer spectacles while in town! Maybe I should try that soon.
Gosh, Croix's gonna be so impressed!
A/N: Well... that was short. But at least next chapter will have much more emotional drama, which is always something to look forward to, right? Anyways, if you're still reading and you want to support this fic please leave a review/favorite/follow. I really do appreciate them a lot. So, thank you and see you in two weeks :)
Thanks to my beta reader moonwatcher13.
