Her

She hugged her knees while leaning on the door of the engine room. The silent hum of the machine helped her calm down and think clearly. Her tears refused to come out despite her sudden outburst. A long, heavy sigh left her lips and she turned her gaze on the ceiling. They saw her weakness but that didn't bother her. What pained her most was they would even think of her like that.

Black Star was an idiot. But he was a frustrated idiot so she understand his ire. She was also at fault for not telling them the whole truth.

She never wanted to act like a frightened child. Unlike what Thelxipea lead them to believe, her experience couldn't even compare to what Crona had been through. The witches cut her chest open and she woke up in the middle of the surgery but after that, they didn't laid a hand on her again except in forcing her to drink the Water again.

Her mind was still a bit foggy from the last time they forced her to drink the Water but because she recovered a part of her soul, some of her memories came back. Including the ones she would rather forget.

Bile rose at her throat when she remembered what they'd done to the hundred others they caught before her… the screams, the metallic scent of blood in the air, the emotions bombarding her soul until she got lost in the sea of shame, agony and resentment. It pulled her apart in every direction. Drove her to the brink of insanity, making her wish for a quick death. She had no idea how to stop it nor block their memories from her head.

One of the witches took pity on her and cast a spell to dampen down her senses. Few still got to her but it became more tolerable. She couldn't remember anything about the witch though she was certain it was the last Siren who helped her escape her Mother.

Peisinoe's saccharine voice calling her name echoed in her head and she shuddered in disgust. Never again. She couldn't believe, she actually started believing the perfect daughter facade she made in order to survive under enemy's territory. That blasted Water from the River of Lethe fed off her doubts and created an insane amount of longing for familiarity. It almost took over her if not for the black blood's strong reaction and the vague face of her Mama in her head.

The thought of her mother brought her comfort. Kami Albarn would be at the airport by now, waiting for her arrival and she would wrap her in a tight embrace once she saw her. Her Papa would be there too, wearing his stupidest grin while fawning over her. They would talk and eat ice cream just like they always did… Before something happened and they stopped.

She furrowed her brows in confusion. Dread clawed at the back of her head. What happened?

A child-like voice in her soul whispered. "You'll know it soon. Don't be hasty."

Two souls stirred up inside her. It took advantage of her confusion and hurt to resurface. Releasing a long, cleansing breath, she willed her wavelength to tighten its hold on her core. One settled down but the other grew anxious. Ren's concern increased when she realized what she did. Her voice filled her mind. Begging her to stop though it was all in vain.

"I'm alright. I'm okay." She whispered then winced from the pain exploding behind her eyes. Thousands of invisible needles pricked her head and chest at the same time. Sweat beaded on her forehead. Still, she repeated the words like a mantra despite gasping for air. "I'm alright…"


She didn't know how long she sat in there in the dark room preventing Ren from going out and exposing herself. Was it a few minutes? Hours? It must be quite a time. Exhaustion weighed every part of her body. Sleep sounded tempting and if not for the familiar soul heading her way, she would gave in.

A knock echoed on the room but she didn't answer.

"Look, I'm not gonna apologize for him because I think you already know he's just frustrated."

Silence.

He sighed. Something slid down the door followed by a soft thump. "Maka, are you okay?"

"I don't know anymore, Soul. It's like I have the world in my shoulders and a void in my chest. I could feel everything and nothing at the same time. It feels like even the lightest touch will break me." She admitted after a few beats. "I didn't mean to snap at Black Star too. It's just- their memories… it plagued my head and sometimes- sometimes, I couldn't recognize which is mine anymore."

There was a rustling of clothes and she could almost see him running a hand through his hair. "Do you want to talk about it or not?"

The corner of her lips curled slightly at the poorly masked concern in his voice. Despite his attempts, he couldn't hide the caring nature behind his cool bravado. "I really want to, I just don't know how. It may sounds crazy but just hear me out, okay?"

"Alright."

"Promise me you won't get mad."

A wave of uneasiness emanated from his soul but he agreed. "I promise."

"The souls of the dead victims… Their pain, shame and regrets. I'm carrying it all."

"You… ate them?"

"Death, no!" Horror struck her when she realized how wrong it sounded. She swung the door open, much to the weapon's surprise. He sprawled out on the floor, startled eyes staring at the ceiling until she offered a hand. Stifling a laugh at his ridiculous expression, she formed a sheepish smile. "Sorry. I didn't know you were leaning on it."

A lazy grin appeared on his face. "It's cool. If that's the price to make you smile after almost a week of scowling, I'll be happy to do it again."

His eyes turned into a mesmerizing shade of crimson and his tussled ivory hair glowed in the faint light. The sight took her breath away. He almost seemed ethereal. Butterflies rioted on her stomach. A knot formed on her throat, making it hard to swallow. Her heart hammered against her ribcage and she feared, everyone on the plane could hear it. She became more aware of him. Their proximity. How close they stood next to each other, their breaths mingling. The cut on his upper lip and her hand sudden desire to touch it.

There was a raging fire in her chest warming her inside out. Turning her walls into ashes. Everything became crystal clear now despite her mind being the opposite. What she felt. The reason why his mere presence drove her in the brink of madness.

No, not him. Fear. It was fear that tormented her. When she saw him after sealing her memories away, she got scared witless. Scared because how could a stranger evoke such intense… fondness from her. Her, who hated the very aspect of love.

Yet, she did. She loved him. And continued to love him still even without any memory of him. "Keep it together, Maka. This is not the time for romance. Snap out of it."

She glanced at their intertwined fingers. Neither of them let go even after he stood. "Thanks, Soul. For worrying about me even if I'm a reckless pain in the neck."

"That, you are." He smirked but it was gone in a flash. "About what you said earlier, what do you mean?"

"I didn't eat a single soul. They just settled temporarily in the madness around me, kinda what Crona did to the souls in of the ghost ship. It was the least I could do. Some were trapped there for decades. Stripped off of everything but pain." She dug her nails to her palm, fixing her eyes on the light in the hallway. "I was stupid. I'm not Kidd but I thought- I thought, I could hold their emotions. Carry it just until he gives them peace. But I was too weak, Soul. I'm too weak to handle the onslaught of feelings… One- one time, I delved too deep in someone's emotion and felt his excruciating pain as he laid dying… I saw everything Peisinoe did to him and almost went insane… Maybe I've been too proud to think I could help them. It must be my punishment for being so dang selfish."

"Don't blame yourself. You've done all that you could and that's more than enough, Maka. You're not weak. You're human. We have limitations to remind us we need each other." He gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. "And yes, you're proud. But it is only because you know your capabilities. If Peisinoe didn't forced you to drink the Water, you would be able to handle it all."

"How can you be so sure?"

"I know you and your ability more than anyone. But-" his stern gaze pinned her in place. "-after we talk to Kidd, I won't let you do it again."

"I understand." To be honest, she didn't wanted to go through it again. And she would never repeat it unless they had no choice. She experienced enough death to last a lifetime.


Soul went back to their seats to retrieve their things and she was left standing in front of the jet's opening when Black Star approached.

"I'm sorry for being a jerk, Maka. I knew you won't think like that but still lose it because of my anger." He scratched the back of his head while looking straight at her.

"I understand. It's kinda frustrating seeing me like this." She flashed him a reassuring smile but he shook his head.

"No, it's not. You've been through a lot and I was an insensitive jerk to you. Punch me if you must. I, the great Black Star, will accept any punishment you make."

"That won't be necessary." Her eye twitches as a foggy memory passed through her mind. "I appreciate the sentiment though."

"No, I insist!"

Something told her he wouldn't stopped until she accept his offer. Refusing the urge to let out a long, suffering sigh, she pursed her lips then nodded. He would take offense if she didn't gave her all in the punishment but she didn't want to hurt him either. One way to get around it would be to leave it later but it would just postpone the problem. She had to do it without now.

An idea formed in her head and she grinned. Perfect. There was a new technique she learned somewhere between her time in the witch's lair. She couldn't remember whether someone taught it or if she came up with it by herself but she wanted to try it out. Regrettably, she had no time nor sparring partner to test its effects before. He seemed strong so it wouldn't send him to the hospital and might just, hopefully, knock him out cold.

"Fine." She activated her Soul Perception and focused on her wavelength. It flowed from her soul, pulsing with energy. The raw power she possess. Her hand warmed when she redirect the flow into her palms. Sparks flew at her fingers as she touched Black Star's hand even though her wavelength wasn't even half of what she wanted to conjure. She didn't want to mess his wavelength nor injure him after all. Electricity coursed to his arms and she aimed at his soul.

His hair stood on end while he stared at her wide-eyed. Shock and confusion visible in his face. He didn't pass out, which was disappointing but he did shut up, went to Tsubaki and stared into space with knitted brows like he was trying to solve a very complex math problem.

"So, what did I miss?" Soul asked when he saw the loudmouth silent for once.

She shoved her smoking hand to the pocket of her hoodie while hoping for the scent of ozone to disappear. "Black Star's mighty apology."

They landed and the door opened before he could reply.

Her heart leaped and she scanned the area for two familiars faces but with no luck. There was no one in the airport. Not a single soul. A sigh left her lips and she slumped. Okay, she could always see them at their apartment when they finished talking to Kidd.

Someone held her hand and she interlaced their fingers knowing who it was. "Are you expecting someone?"

"Not really." Her lips curled up in a weak smile.

"You know," the scythe weapon changed the subject when he sensed her disheartenment. "I've been meaning to ask you. Did you remember some of your memories?"

She watched the others walk to the direction of Shibusen. "Something like that. Just trust me. I'll tell you everything later."


"Tell me about the Reversal Spell, Maka." The Shinigami asked as soon as they entered the Death Room. He sat on a chair in front of a long table cluttered with books beside Ox and Harvar. "I've been scouring the entire library but I couldn't find anything like you said."

"It's a not just a Reversal spell. Peisinoe developed a new spell for the sole purpose of eradicating all weapon and meister's power while boosting her own. She came up with it after analyzing the book of Ancient Spells which contained a copy of Arachne's experiment in creating demon weapons." Maka sat in the seat across him, pulling out the book and opening it to the page. "Unlike most spells, this needs some specific requirements for it to work."

"A person who possess both influence, an evolved human, a witch's soul and the embodiment of both Purity and Insanity." All blood drained from his face when he read the text. "You're kidding, right?"

She shook her head. "If it's incomplete or cast wrong, the witch will suffer dire consequences."

"Kim, is it even possible to pull off this large scale spell?" His golden orbs landed on the only witch in the room. "With these many sacrifices?"

"Unfortunately yes, if the casters have tons of magic to sustain the spell. But if they're alone, they'd find a way to meet the requirements using fewer people." Kim took the book from her hand, studied it for a long moment then looked up. "We don't know the exact requirements so it'll be harder to stop Peisinoe from taking it. One thing's for sure though. No witch could cast a spell as powerful and ancient as this without a guide."

He nodded. "We have talked about it earlier. There's a great possibility that Peisinoe would do everything to take it back so Mabaa-sama wants to keep it safe. Team Kilik would be in charge of returning it alongside Risa and Arisa. Kim is the only one who could hold the book. Protect her at all cost. Understood? You may leave now."

They watched them leave in a hurry without even sparing a glance. After a few minutes, their soul trace disappeared from her sight signifying that they traveled into the Witch's distorted dimension.

"Kidd, if what you said is true, then it would be safer if we go too." Soul said while the rest of them agreed.

"No, they'll be fine. Besides, there's reinforcements following in the shadows in case they got in a pinch. I need the rest of you here to serve as security because Shibusen is the center of Death City and, as what the book implied, Peisinoe will set the spell in here." Kidd fixed his gaze on her, rising from his seat. "Maka, have you told them about ones on your soul?"

She shook her head. "I didn't have the chance to."

"Alright. I'll have to take those then you can explain."

She came in front of him and he placed a hand over her chest. His palm glowed with warm light that wrapped around her. One by one, the victim's souls flew out of her body to his hand and each time, the heaviness in her heart lessened. Their gratitude reached her just before they met the Shinigami. Finally, only the incomplete soul was left tied in her own soul.

Her knees buckled and she almost fell back when Soul caught her in his arms. It felt like she could breath again. Some of their memories remained but it's only the faces of their loved ones whom they'd missed. The Shinigami whispered something in his glowing hands then closed it. The light died with a faint, sizzling noise.

"What the heck was that?" Black Star demanded. "Also, what was the thing you did on the jet earlier?"

"Those were the souls of Peisinoe's victims that I took in my body to surrender to Kidd. And, no. You couldn't do that unless you have a medium, like the Water." She knew what he was thinking even before he opened his mouth. "About your second question, it's a new technique I've learned. It's a soul wavelength-related attack-"

"I thought it was only because of the crowded wavelength but now that they're gone… what did you do to your soul?" Kidd cut her off. "Why is it in pieces?"

Her stomach plummeted to her feet. She was hoping to stall the inevitable confrontation until later. What she did wasn't exactly forbidden but it wasn't right either. He was a Shinigami. A reaper. Ruler of souls. And she broke the balance in her own soul by forcing it to break.

"What does he mean, Maka?" Tsubaki's eyebrows knitted in confusion.

A lump formed in her throat making it harder to speak. She cleared her throat, avoiding their stare. "When… when Peisinoe forced me to drink the Water from the River of Lethe, I was desperate… I divided myself into three parts using the anti-demon wavelength as a protection and faint link. Each fragment of my soul contained memories. Since the Water is pure madness, my wavelength kept it at bay and even if some entered, it couldn't erase something that wasn't there. As a result, I forgotten everything except for the most basic things."

Soul inhaled sharply. Her actions was rash but she had no choice. The Water would erase her memories if she didn't do anything. She couldn't afford to be turned into a zombie knowing she would be the only one that could save the children from their misery.

"Please, tell me you know how to recover it."

"Don't worry, I have a faint understanding of it. I already regained the small part at the cost of speeding up the rejection process." Her eyes refused to meet his. "Peisinoe's plan only failed because Ren or, shall I say, Atarah wouldn't takeover my soul and settled in the madness, which is a good thing. But it would be a matter of time before the Water fight for my soul. I could hold it off for two to three weeks at max, after that my health would, no doubt, drop at a dangerous rate. The worse case scenario is: I'd die from both physical and spiritual rejection; while the best one is: I recovered my soul and cleansed it out."

"Two weeks?" He repeated in disbelief. "That would give us what, four or three days in the least, to save you?"

"Is there any way to help you achieve the latter? As reckless as you may be, you're still my friend and I don't want you to die on us." The Shinigami sat on the table with arms crossed.

She bit her lip. There was a way but it meant someone close to her would see everything in her soul. And because she had complicated feelings for the closest one, she'd rather avoid it lest, she'd ruin their great friendship. He never showed any interest in her plus, he was too good for her.

"He's right. There must be something we could do to help." Tsubaki pleaded with her eyes. "Tell us, Maka."

A shrill cry startled them. Overhead, a crow circled around them then landed in the middle of the table. It grew taller right in front of them and before they knew it, the bird transformed into a woman with two, large wings protruding on her back. Her onyx hair almost seemed iridescent and her obsidian orbs glinted with arcane knowledge.

"Ligeia," Kidd seemed unimpressed by the woman. "I suppose, you could help?"

"I could. I could also locate the people the spell needs." She folded her wings on her back then stepped in front of them. "However, I'll tell you on one condition. I want her soul."

Ligeia pointed at her.


Author's Note:

Hi, everyone! Thank you for reading Ricorda! I couldn't thank you enough for reading my work. This would be my very first finished story, unlike most of my stories that was left in a cliffhanger or discontinued (I'm going back to it all don't worry ^_^). As you can see, this is nearing the end. So, if you found this and is reading in the middle of the night, pleas . Take care of your body. But if it's not night, take a minute or two to rest your eyes. Your eyes would be grateful to you. Also, please drink more water! This is your reading break. Drink water, take a deep breath and rest. You deserve it.

Finally, in case, no one told you. You are beautiful regardless of gender. You are loved despite the doubts in your mind.

Someone, somewhere, there is someone who is glad you exist, me included.

Smile. You matter.

Stay safe everyone! Love lots! 3

ir0ny-walking