Chapter 31: This can't be happening.

I'm lying on Croix's couch, curled up and hugging my legs tightly. My eyes are dry and sting painfully because of how long I've been crying. My throat is sore, and my whole body feels like it will collapse at any second. It's like my whole world just crumbled around me.

As soon as Holbrooke announced her verdict I got out and ran as fast as I could, not even knowing where I was going until I found myself surrounded by the familiar smell of ramen and I threw myself to the couch. I didn't stop when I heard them calling me, or when I noticed Croix had tried to follow me but couldn't keep up with my speed. All I wanted was to get away. From everything.

I don't know how long I've been here. But now it's dark, and I'm still alone.

Weird. I thought by now Croix would have figured out where I was.

As if reading my mind, the door opens in that very moment and the steps of someone that can be no one but my best friend resonate in the room as she comes to stand beside the couch. I can only really see her silhouette in the darkness that has enveloped the room, but I'm thankful she doesn't turn on the lights; I don't want her to see me like this.

"Chariot." Is the first thing she says after a few seconds of just standing there in the shadows. Her voice sounds exhausted, and stranded. Like she's just as devastated as I am.

"C-Croix." I answer, but it sounds more like a whimper.

My friend lets out a long, tired sigh, and then comes sit on the small space that my fetal position has left empty on the couch.

"I suppose you want to sleep here tonight?" She asks. I nod, not wanting to face my roommates yet. "Yeah, me too. Let me just get us some more comfortable clothes." And with that she gets out her wand and pronounces the spell. "Metamorphie vestesse." Instantly, the stiffness and suffocating feeling of my uniform disappear, and are replaced by a comfortable and warm sensation. Maybe a tracksuit, then?

Croix, on the other hand, is now wearing pants and a hoodie, as usual when we are alone. I'm about to thank her, since this is indeed way more comfortable to sleep, and I feel tired enough to sleep for 24 hours straight, when she places her hand over one of mine, but the touch is delicate. Like she thinks I'll break.

"Can I stay? Or do you prefer to be alone?" Her tone is sad, a small trembling on her voice signaling just how insecure she is, how much she needs to be near me right now, but also fears that I won't accept. Honestly, at first I came here because I wanted to be alone, sure, but the reason I didn't choose any other place is because I wanted Croix to find me eventually. I need her.

I move my hand and intertwine my fingers with Croix, rolling around so that I'm lying on my back, my legs resting on Croix's lap.

"Stay." Is all I say.

She takes a sharp intake of breath before nodding once and slowly lowering herself down on the couch, between me and the backrest, giving me time to readjust our positions so that we don't fall off. At the end, since the couch isn't wide enough, I end up lying almost completely on top of Croix. But that's okay. It certainly doesn't seem to bother her, if he way she tightens her grip around me is any indication, and I… I feel so warm. And not only in the literal sense. The familiar salty smell of instant noodles that is so characteristic of Croix. The soft feeling of her hoodie's cloth. The gentle rise and fall of her chest, and the audible beating of her heart. It's all very comforting. More so in a situation as this one, which made me feel so helpless and alone.

Even if she doesn't say it out loud, the message is clear: You're not alone. I'm here for you.

And so, I snuggle closer to Croix, inhaling deeply to take in her scent, and wrapping my arms around her as tightly as I dare. I'm so grateful a few tears start falling from my eyes, which I had previously thought to be dry. And soon I'm crying once again; this time being comforted by my friend's affectionate caresses and by the kisses she places at the top of my head every once in a while.

It's not enough to mend my broken heart completely, but at least her actions appear to fix some of the cracks.


I wake up when I feel Croix's body shifting next to mine, presumably trying to get off my grip. Without even opening my eyes I, of course, only hug her tighter, pouting at her attempts to escape.

"Chariot." She sighs as one of her hands come to rest into my shoulder, gently pushing me away. "Please, let me go. I need to go to class, and so should you."

Her sobering words remind me of why exactly I was crying during most of yesterday's evening, and my chest tightens at the thought. Suddenly, I'm not feeling so warm and comfortable in my friend's arms. I feel empty and cold. I have to fight back the tears that start forming in my eyes again.

"I was expelled." I remind her. "There's no need for me to wake up." I sigh, already hating myself for what I'm going to say next. "But you should go."

"… will you let go of me, then?" Croix asks, chuckling, after a few seconds pass and I keep clinging to her like ivy. In response, I bury my head on the crook of her neck and squeeze her with my arms and legs. She just shakes her head and laughs, but she doesn't sound happy, exactly, more like she's trying to put a brave mask for me.

"Chariot, I was serious when I said you should go to class." She says when my grip on her doesn't relent. "Yesterday, after you ran away, I went back and argued with the teachers to try and convince them not to expel you."

My head shoots up in an instant as I stare at her with wide eyes, hoping against hope that she was able to, once again, save from a situation I got into myself. However, when I see her bloodshot eyes, her messy hair, the black bags under her eyes, and her overall miserable appearance, I realize what happened, even before she says it.

"U-unfortunately…" She draws in a shaky breath, obviously trying not to cry. "They were firm. Finnelan, mostly. But I was able to convince them to allow you to remain here until the end of the semester."

"Just a few weeks, then." I grimace. "Until the Samhain festival." She nods, our noses touching for a brief moment because of how close we are. Weirdly enough, I want to be even closer.

"Maybe if during these weeks you try and further improve your academic performance, they'll let you stay." She finishes weakly, like even she is unconvinced this will work. Needless to say, I'm even more skeptical.

"That's not what they said." I say. It's not a question.

"Well… no, but…"

"I put all my effort into those stupid surprise exams! I did my best, and it still wasn't enough for them!" I practically yell as the anger about this injustice overcomes the sadness. "It's clear that, no matter what I do, they won't change their minds, so why bother?"

"Because they haven't seen what you can really do!" She yells, startling me with her outburst. She seems surprised too, for a moment, but then recovers and quickly keeps talking.

"Chariot, you are the most amazing person I know, and the most powerful and talented witch… after me, of course." I would roll my eyes if I didn't completely agree with her. Even if I know she just added the last part because she can't ever miss an opportunity to be sassy.

"You taught me that doing unconventional magic doesn't make me any less of a witch, and you were the first one to see me for who I really am, and not just as the 'unapproachable prodigy of Luna Nova'." She chuckles, rolling her eyes. "You got me out of my shell, and became my first friend. Ever." She pauses, smiling kindly at me, her eyes shining with so much affection, I forget how to breathe for a moment. "But most importantly, you reminded me why I love magic in the first place. You showed me it isn't just a tool to reach my goals, but that it's also a very important part of my identity. And that, for it to truly work, I have to enjoy it."

We stay silent for a few seconds, Croix reaching out and putting a stray lock of hair behind my ear, then caressing my cheek carefully as an attempt to give me some sort of comfort. I just close my eyes and let her pamper me for a while, but then I remember she has to go to classes soon and, as much as I like her company, I can't let her throw her life away for someone as useless as me. I got myself into this. I have to man up and accept the consequences, as harsh as they are.

"Croix…" I start, putting my hand over hers in a feeble attempt to stop the knot from forming on my throat as I speak. "I appreciate what you are trying to do, but… I think we both know that, if we weren't friends, you wouldn't be saying this."

"You think I'm lying just to make you feel good?" She scoffs.

"I think your feelings are clouding your judgement." I answer, fighting to get the words out of my sore throat. "You know, as well as I do, that hatching the dragon egg and failing the exams are just the tip of the iceberg."

"You can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs." She says, trying to sound optimistic, but the tremble of her voice shows just how much this situation confuses and upsets her.

"Croix… as much as I want to remain here with you forever, I really think you should go now." I answer, finally opening my eyes and staring directly at her teal orbs. I know this conversation won't take us anywhere; not when we're both feeling like garbage.

"I understand." Croix sighs. "And if you want to stay here all day, I won't stop you." She pauses, pursing her lips. "But I don't think moping around will do you any good either so… if there's anything I can do to help, please let me know." She finishes with a gentle smile as she leans in to place a lingering kiss on my forehead. I relish on the sensation for as long as it lasts, but sooner than I would have liked it, Croix pulls away and tries to get up without knocking me out of the couch. I readjust my position in order to let her get off, and then watch as she goes to search for her glasses (how did they end on the floor?) and her wand, before dissipating the clothes transformation spell and ending up in the wrinkled school uniform she used yesterday. As do I. Well, magic can't last forever, even if I'm really missing that tracksuit.

She sighs, but knows there's nothing she can do about it right now, so she turns to look at me with an apologetic expression.

"I need to go change my clothes, and then I'll be going to class…" She pauses, unsure. "Unless you want me to stay?" Even though the offer, I can still see how hesitant Croix is in the way her hands nervously play with the fabric of her uniform and her eyes keep shifting between me and the clock.

And I know how much her grades mean to her. I could never ask her to fail to attend classes just because I'm feeling sad. Even if I really want to.

"Go. I'll see you at lunch." I answer, mustering the best smile I can manage.

"Are you sure?" She asks apprehensively.

"Yeah… right now I need to be alone." Fortunately, it's not entirely a lie (since I'm a very bad liar), because I don't really feel want to deal with people right now, but then again, Croix isn't just any person. I just hope I sound believable.

"Alright. I'll be going now, but don't hesitate to go to me if you need anything."

"I will." I nod reassuringly.

"Fine." She pauses for a second, staring at me with both worry and affection, before pronouncing the teleportation spell and disappearing in a cloud of smoke.

Then, I'm left with just my thoughts. And I'd certainly prefer not to be.


Trying to get things out of my mind, after spending the last two hours just staring blankly at the ceiling and trying not to cry, I decide to go on a stroll around campus. Maybe a bit of fresh air will help improve my mood somehow.

However, it all soon proves to be a bad idea. Because just looking at the mostly-empty corridors reminds me everyone else is taking class, while I'm… wandering around like a ghost. I decide to go to the courtyard then, hoping that the greenery and peaceful calm of said place will help calm my aching heart. But… what before seemed peaceful and bright, now just has some sort of melancholic feeling to it. The heat of the sun on my skin, the sweet smell of the grass, the sound of the birds singing from the rooftops… I soon won't be able to experience it again.

I furiously wipe the tears that have started falling down my cheeks. I'm sick of crying! I'm sick of feeling like this! Magic is supposed to bring happiness to everyone, and yet magic brought me here. Maybe if I had attended a normal, non-magical, school from the beginning, I would have saved myself the heartache. Maybe I wasn't really meant to be a witch.

"Chariot?" I hear a familiar voice on the far end of the courtyard, and I quickly wipe my tears and get up, not wanting to see anyone right now. Not even my friends.

"Chariot, wait!" The twins say simultaneously as they come running to me, stepping on my way and preventing me from leaving. I sigh. I really don't want to have to explain everything to them.

"Chariot, are you okay? You look terrible! And why didn't you go to class? Everyone was asking for you." Anaid is the first one to speak, her brows creased with worry. "And why are you crying?" She then adds, apparently noticing my swollen eyes.

"Oh, come on! Knowing Chariot, it's probably something silly, like… did Croix say something mean again, or something?" Enid then speaks, giving me a hesitant smile. Like she herself doesn't believe what she said, but is hoping it's nothing more serious.

Knowing they will find out anyways sooner or later, and preferring they learn it from me, I decide to tell the truth.

"I got expelled." I grimace as the pain in my chest intensifies tenfold. Admitting it out loud makes it seem more real.

"WHAT?!" Is their simultaneous, and rather loud, response. I even jump a little.

"Yeah." I sigh in resignation.

"But they can't expel you! The school wouldn't be the same without you!" Anaid protests.

"There would be less accidents, that's for sure." I shrug dejectedly. "All the professors would be less grumpy, and Croix wouldn't get in trouble."

"Yeah, but everything would be so boring!" This time Enid speaks. "Honestly, if it wasn't for you I'd probably still think that studying is a waste of time, and would have gotten myself expelled a long time ago."

"And you are a very talented witch!" Anaid continues enthusiastically. "I don't care what the teachers may say, but the way you defended us from that giant spider is truly something else."

"Body strengthening magic isn't exactly the most conventional way for a witch to fight." I answer, remembering how Finnelan chastised me from my recklessness on that occasion.

"But you're also good at metamorphosis magic." Enid argues, but her words only serve to remind me of my failure from the previous day.

"Only on myself."

"No one can fly like you do." Anaid adds.

"And maybe that's a good thing." I deadpan. Really, my ribs still hurt because of the fall I took.

"Chariot! Why can't you see you are special?!" Enid yells, obviously frustrated.

"Yeah, your magic is… something else." Her sister continues. "I can't even describe it properly, but the point is… you are probably the best witch in this academy, even if those old hogs with their noses stuck on their ancient books and traditions can't see it."

"Honestly, I wished I was like everyone else." I admit. "I wished I could stick to traditions and stop doing pointless and flashy magic." I sigh (something that's apparently becoming a habit of mine). "If I was like, I don't know, Croix, or my roommates, or even you, maybe I wouldn't be in this situation." I pause, feeling as my heart clenches painfully when I come to a terrible realization. "Everyone in this school is better than me."

And feeling my tears building up again, I run away.


I end up in my room without even knowing. But that's okay. I should probably start packing already, since I really don't see the point in staying until the Samhain festival; it'll just be torture for me, knowing I won't be able to stay here anyways. I much rather be with my aunt, in the comfort of my house than here being laughed at by my classmates.

And so, I get my suitcase out from under my bed, and cough because of how dusty it is. Geez, I don't think I've cleaned it since… well, ever. But that's okay, I have a lot of time now.

And so, I get one of my old t-shirts from inside the wooden chest where I keep my clothes, and start sweeping off the dust with it. After using water magic to moisten it, of course.

Once that's done, I look at my belongings, reluctant to start packing them, despite the resolution I came to just minutes ago. Because doing so will just make this all seem more real. I'm really getting expelled; this isn't just a dream, or an elaborate joke. It's not an illusion. I'm going to leave Luna Nova… forever.

I come to this realization as I stare at the uniforms stored in my chest. They are all wrinkled, and I don't bother trying to smooth them out as I furiously throw them into my suitcase. Though first I take the time to replace the clothes I'm wearing for cleaner ones. I don't want to look even more pathetic than I feel.

This is all so unfair. But it is as it is. There's nothing I can do about it.

Next are the few books I brought from home. Nothing special… until I grab the Nightfall volume Anaid gave me at my birthday. I remember her saying that this specific arc reminded her of me because the protagonist was struggling while stuck in the past, trying to fit in a society that wasn't ready for innovative ideas. I even made an effort to read it! And I remember that, at the end, she realizes that, no matter what she does, she can't really change the society, but at least she can inspire the ones around her and hope in time they will inspire others to be better too. I thought it was a touching message, and it really resonated with me. But… what do you do when you're no longer permitted to be with the people you want to inspire?

Feeling tears burning in my eyes again, I throw the book into my suitcase and wipe my eyes with my sleeve. Stop! I scream in my head. I don't want to cry anymore.

As it's just my luck, in that very moment the room's door opens and Amelia and Karen walk in, stopping dead in their tracks as they watch me and my messy suitcase lying on the ground. In the middle of the room.

I wince. They are the last people I wanted to see right now. And now they will probably chastise me for making a mess on top of mocking me from getting expelled. Heck! I'm pretty sure they'll throw a party once I'm gone, and invite at least half of the school to celebrate my departure.

"So… you really got yourself expelled, huh?" Karen says unimpressed, crossing her arms over her chest and frowning. At this, Amelia elbows her in the ribs and glares at her. Then she turns to look at me with a somewhat apologetic expression.

"We heard rumors, but we didn't believe they were true." She says, and then looks at me expectantly as if waiting for my confirmation. Knowing there's no way to delay this conversation any longer, I sigh and turn to glare at the contents of my suitcase as I speak.

"Well, they are. You can start celebrating now." I say with a scowl, as I feel a painful tightness on my chest that I don't really understand completely.

There's a small pause, as they process my words, and then Karen goes to sit on her bed before speaking nonchalantly.

"Well then, what's the plan?"

"Huh?" I ask as I turn around to stare at her with a confused expression. To my surprise, her smile isn't mocking, but rather… gentle? This all gets even weirder when Amelia goes to sit next to her wearing an equal expression.

"We figured you wouldn't go without a fight." Amelia explains with a little shrug.

"And we'd prefer if you explained the plan to us so we can help you before it gets out of control." Karen ads, crossing her arms over her chest in what she probably thinks is a stern manner, but the sad smile that won't leave her face reveals how she truly feels.

I'm too stunned to respond immediately, but when my mind finally manages to process their words, I almost scream in astonishment, unbelieving of what I'm hearing.

"Wait, you are willing to help me?!"

"Better do it now than having to do damage control later." Karen says matter-of-factly.

"Plus, we're your…" Amelia pauses, hesitating as the turns to look at her friend, before smiling satisfied with what she sees in her. "Friends." She finishes.

"Obligated friends." Karen adds, trying to be as cold as always. "And besides, if you go, they'll probably assign someone else to be our roommate. And with our luck she'll be worse than you."

"At least now you pick up your clothes instead of leaving them littered on the floor." Amelia chuckles.

"And we've already gotten used to your weird sleeping habits." Karen adds.

"So… will you tell us the plan, or do we have to interrogate your friends?" Amelia finishes, still smiling at me.

I can only open and close my mouth like a fish out of water, with no words coming out of it. I thought they hated me! Well, no, that's a lie. After the broom race I thought they tolerated me at best, but for the way they still chastised me and my friends, sometimes even accusing us with Finnelan, I figured they still held some sort of bad feelings towards me. But now I find out they're actually fond of me? And willing to help?!

Unconsciously, I turn to look at the photo that's hanging on the wall next to my bed. The one where the three of us are, with me in the middle holding up the trophy. I'd be lying if I said that's not one of the fondest memories I have of Luna Nova. The day I showed my roommates that I could make an effort and be at their level. That I wouldn't hold them back. The day I earned their respect… and apparently their friendship too.

But then… that means I have to say goodbye to two friends, not to a pair of mean roommates that hate me. Honestly, right now I would prefer the later. I don't want this to hurt even more. I don't want to upset them or disappoint them when I say I don't really have a plan. But what else can I say? No matter what I do now, I'm already expelled. I'm going out of Luna Nova and there's nothing any of my friends can do about it.

I have to say goodbye.

The thought is enough to overwhelm me with sadness once again, and I end up running out of the room in tears.


A/N: Well, that was an emotional rollercoaster, wouldn't you say? And yet it's nothing compared with what's about to come lol. I hope you liked it nontheless, and if you did please leave a review/fav/follow. Thanks for reading! :)

Thanks to my beta reader moonwatcher13.