Here we are again, my lovelies. I can safely say there are a few chapters written ahead thanks to NanoWriMo (which I unfortunately did not complete but still got plenty done). I appreciate everyone's patience when updates become sparse, so thank you for not demanding more. :* I promise I'm doing my best.
Anyway! Onwards we go! As always, all belongs to the Marvel Cinematic Universe and no copyright infringement is intended.
Chapter Fifteen- The Truth Shall Set You Free
Coming to quickly after collapsing, Tony swiped angrily at the tears blurring his vision, scrambling to his feet and racing for his lab to escape, his heart hammering in his chest at what he had overheard. The realisation that Tasha could have been the one to murder his parents stung, the fact that she could discuss that with the person who had murdered them stung worse. But the kicker came that once again, he was the last to know and only found out by chance, and that she probably had no intention of telling him.
He rushed blindly into the lab and punched the lockdown code into his computer, making sure FRIDAY sealed the lab and no one would be allowed to gain entry unless he allowed it. Distantly he noticed Steve banging on the reinforced glass to get his attention, but he ignored him. Everyone he had once trusted was hiding something from him.
Unable to stand being around them, Tony climbed into a suit and took to the air, letting FRIDAY take the controls so he could afford to not pay attention. He needed time with his thoughts, he needed time to calm down. He wouldn't be given that in the tower, he would be hounded incessantly by everyone until he allowed them in to talk to him, and right now he really didn't want to talk.
On a whim he told FRIDAY to take him to the apartment he had rented for Irene and her boy, Josh. He hadn't checked in with them since he had first gotten them set up, and as any boss would do, he should check his employee is happy in her new role. Plus, it gained him some time before he would have to return.
Tony landed with a soft thunk on the roof of the apartment complex and took the stairs down to the fourth floor. He knocked on the door, it swinging open a few minutes later to reveal Irene.
"Mr. Stark? Is something wrong?" She asked, her face switching to alarmed.
Tony shook his head and smiled. "Nope, just thought I'd stop by and see how you were settling into your new job. Pepper hasn't called to say she's had any problems so that's great."
Irene opened the door wider and let him in. "It's taken a little work to get used to so many big-wigs, but I think it's going alright. Josh seems to be better now that he has some stability in his life, we have you to thank for that."
Following her to the kitchen, he watched her bustle around putting what he assumed was a packed lunch. "You know staff get discounts at plenty of deli's and restaurants across the city?" He said.
She threw a smile over her shoulder at him. "I know, but I still try to save as much as possible. As grateful as I am for your generosity, I do still need to save for our own apartment, and I want to make sure that Josh has money saved for his future."
"How old is he?"
"He's seventeen, in his final year of school. He's expressed desire to go to college, so I want to save enough so he can go. Josh is smart, smarter than I could ever believe and I don't want that kind of knowledge wasted."
Tony could understand that. Even if his parents hadn't been rich, he was confident he could have gotten into MIT on his brains and a scholarship. But his parents were rich, and in turn so was he. Before he'd even thought about it, Tony had already begun to speak.
"I'll put Josh in an apprenticeship programme with the company. He can do it for three years and at the end of it, he'll have a degree. It's up to him to choose which department he wants to take the apprenticeship in, but we'll accommodate him."
It took Irene several attempts to find her voice, but when she did it was barely above a croak. "Why?"
He smiled sadly. "Because I see people in my circles with money that only do good deeds for the publicity, and there are people out there who just need a break. I have more money than I can ever spend and if I can do one good thing to help someone, then I want to make sure it's you I help."
Irene swallowed repeatedly and swiped at the tear on her cheeks. "I am never going to be able to thank you for this."
The front door opened to reveal Josh, who was smothered in a hug from his mother. "Oh Josh, Mr. Stark has given you a wonderful gift. You have an apprenticeship at his company!"
He stared hard at Tony for some time before he answered. "I'd like to do something in security, like online security, firewalling and so on."
Tony nodded and smiled. "Sure thing, I'll get Pepper to sort out the paperwork. You can start as soon as you're ready, though I'm sure you want to finish school first?"
Josh shrugged but nodded when his mother nudged him. "Yeah."
He nodded again. "Great. So, this is Pepper's number, give her a call when you want to start and she'll sort out your clearance and someone you can shadow and work with."
A bright smile lit Josh's face and a warmth filled Tony that he had been able to make this family happy and give them the break they needed. He left shortly after and flew back to the tower, he had things to discuss and others to sort out. It was time he stopped running when things got tough, it solved nothing and above all else, he was tired of being angry all the time.
The mechanical arms dismantled the suit when he landed, and he climbed down from the roof to his suite. He imagined that someone had heard him land and would be along shortly but for now, he had a moment to himself. Or at least that was what he'd hoped but there was a knock on his door.
Sighing heavily, Tony opened it to find an awkwardly shuffling Barnes on his doorstep. "Barnes? What are you doing here?"
"Can I come in and talk? FRIDAY has me locked on target, if I go Soldier she knows to shut me down fast."
Tony hesitated but nodded, moving back to let the super soldier in. He shut the door and walked Barnes to the kitchen. "Drink?" He asked, pouring himself a large brandy.
"No, thank you."
Drink poured, Tony gestured for him to carry on. "Talk."
Barnes took a deep breath and let it go with a whoosh. "I'm sorry. You've been constantly kept in the dark when you should have been told first off. Me turning up here hasn't helped at all, I'm sorry for that as well." Barnes ran his flesh hand through his hair. "I'm sorry for the death of your parents. I know I wasn't myself, and others have defended me, but I can understand that in your mind I am still responsible, and I guess in a way you're right."
Tony opened his mouth to deny that, but Barnes raised a hand and asked him to just listen for now- so he obliged.
"Seeing Steve helped me to start breaking through the hold HYDRA had over me. I think the reason I was able to remember him, albeit fleetingly, is because I was so close to him. If that's the case, I should have been able to remember Howard, but I didn't. I'm not sure it would have stopped me, because I still tried to kill Steve, but deep down I knew it was wrong to try."
Stamping down on his anger, Tony nodded for him to continue.
"Whether or not I should have remembered him, I should have pushed Steve to tell you the truth instead of hiding behind him. That is inexcusable. I can honestly say that I didn't recall Tasha having been assigned that mission until we started talking about HYDRA, that is something I didn't actively try to hide. But regardless, you shouldn't have found out like that, and I'm sorry again."
Brandy downed in one swallow, Tony placed the tumbler on the countertop and exhaled sharply. "What are you here for, Barnes? Forgiveness? Absolution? Penance?"
He shook his head and smiled sadly. "No, nothing of the sort. I came to ask that you not banish Tasha from here, and your life. She's made mistakes and bad moves, but she loves you and thinks she's doing what's best for you. Losing you from her life will crush her, so please, give her time to explain herself before you make any decisions."
Tony was the first person to admit he was a hot-head, but on hearing Barnes plead the case for Tasha, he couldn't find the earlier anger he had felt, just the pain. He nodded and agreed to speak to her before there were any decisions made about if he still wanted her around.
Cold metal touched his chin and tilted his head up, his eyes meeting Barnes' blue ones. "You look like Howard but you have your mother's kindness, she was always very kind to everyone she knew- even me."
A smile flitted across the thin lips and then he was gone, leaving Tony able to breathe and think clearly without his personal space being invaded. Shaking his head, Tony shoved his tumbler in the sink and went to find Tasha- it was time they talked about several things.
-oo0o-
After taking as much time as he possibly could to gather his thoughts while he searched for Tasha, Tony walked into the communal entertainment room to find Steve holding Clint in a headlock, the archer screaming incoherently- Tasha crying silently and bearing everything he said.
Standing shocked for a few moments, Tony shot forward and thumped his fist against Steve's chest, yelling at him to release Clint. He did so, and Tony dragged him to the other side of the room.
"The hell, Bird Brain?"
Clint heaved gasping breaths, his face red from yelling and eyes suspiciously puffy. "I…fuck…I'm sorry, man. I heard Steve giving Tasha what for and came to get him to back off, 'til I heard what he was saying. I just snapped."
Tony wrapped an arm around his broad shoulders and ruffled his hair. "Take a breath, calm down, please. I get you're pissed, and appreciate you sticking up for me, but I gotta sort this out myself, Clint. Things need to be discussed and I need to stop hiding behind my anger. Everyone has fucked up in some way, I imagine you have too at some point. We're fucking adults, Clint, it's time we starting acting like it- sort of," he chuckled.
He gave a wry smile and Tony knew he'd calmed the archer down somewhat. "Need me to stick around?"
Shaking his head, Tony smiled. "It's fine, I got this. Go shoot some stuff, sit in your nest or something. When I need to talk, I'll come find you."
Clint hugged him tightly, glared warningly between Steve and Tasha then left, leaving Tony to face the two people who had hurt him most. He heard someone come in, realising it was Barnes when he heard the plates in the metal arm shift with movement.
"Thought it might be a good idea for me to be here," he murmured, moving to the centre of the room.
Tony spotted the hopeful smile on Tasha's face, his heart clenching when it dropped. He faced Barnes and found him to be blank faced. Everyone in the room had wronged him, but he had come to the realisation earlier that he had wronged each of them too, and never had they judged him. Well, Barnes maybe wasn't included in that since he wasn't a member of the team, but still.
He had bullied and teased Steve incessantly, always pushing the limits and trying to get a rise out of the soldier, and always just to prove that he wasn't the perfect all good man that his father had always told him he wished his son was more like.
Although he hadn't known that his assistant Natalie was really Natasha, when he found out he had been horrible to her. She had been doing her job and he was cruel, rude and sexist. Tasha had been the reason for his and Pepper's first fight- his actions towards the Romanoff woman.
Counting Barnes as another victim of his poor ways wasn't entirely accurate since he barely knew the man, but for all his attempts to apologise to Tony, the billionaire had wanted to hear none of it. Instead, he had made it his personal mission to make the amnesia recovering super soldier feel as unwelcome as he could possibly make him.
"You were right, Barnes, you should be here for this," he said quietly, then faced Steve. He studied the blond-haired man whom his father had idolised, the familiar surge of hate shooting through him. "Truth time," he sighed. "My dad spent every waking moment reminding me I was nothing compared to you. I was always compared to you, and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't live up to his expectations. I had no desire to fight, I was happy sailing through college, then MIT. I had the brains he had, and more. I was officially smarter than Howard Stark, but that wasn't enough."
Pain flew across Steve's face. "Tony, I…That wasn't the man I knew."
Tony nodded and smiled sadly. "I know. You knew Howard before he became a father. My mom often told he dad was charismatic and wonderful, but when it came to family life, he couldn't settle. When you went into the ice, that's when he changed. Howard became cold and calculating, always seeking to use things to his advantage. To the world, Howard Stark was a loving husband and wife, who doted on his son. Behind closed doors he was a drunk and abusive."
He could see Steve was struggling to reconcile the information with the man he had known for years, but the truth of the matter was that Tony had no reason to make any of this up. He watched as several emotions played across his face until he looked resigned. "I'm sorry, Tony. I really am."
"I guess that when I realised you would be on the team, I was resentful, especially since everyone was more interested in you, than in a man who could perform seriously outlandish experiments and have them succeed. Even Banner was more interesting than me, but hey, I was cool with that because he was still someone I could bounce ideas around with. But you, I hated you. I sort of still do, though less strongly. It wasn't your fault Howard was the way that he was, and I've spent too long blaming you for something you had no control over."
Tony let that sink in for a moment before he carried on, giving Steve time to process. He noticed Tasha was quiet, more importantly, not trying to make Steve feel better about things, because she knew how Howard had been.
"Our friendship grew over time, cemented after the events with the Chitauri. Even when you thought me and Bruce had brought about the end of the world in making Ultron and then Vision, our friendship survived because you were prepared to listen. But then Siberia happened."
Steve visibly flinched at the mention of Siberia, and he saw Barnes take a step toward his friend, then stop. His arm whined as the plates shifted and his fist clenched, but he stood resolute and didn't move further.
"I won't lie, you fucking hurt me bad, Steve. You were prepared to take my bloody head off, you split my arc reactor so I couldn't power my suit. I had to lay there in a non-responsive suit for hours until someone could locate me. I was half frozen and severely hypothermic. I was pissed as hell, but then I got your letter and that the others had been broken out of the Raft. I was still hurt, but at least you had gotten the others free when I had been the cause of them getting imprisoned in the first place. For that, I'm sorry. I should never have asked others to become involved. In truth, if you were on a mission to save Barnes, I should have just let you. If you'd have gotten into shit, then it would have been your own fault. But I was so annoyed at you for helping someone who had tried to kill you, with no thought of how it would affect the rest of us, I couldn't stop myself."
He broke off, swallowing hard and clearing his throat.
"But no matter what had happened in the past, I shouldn't have been so cold to you when you came here for help. I once told you that you would always have safety here, and I decided to practically revoke that and make you feel unwelcome. Yeah, I was still angry as fuck at you, but that should have been dealt with rather than letting it fester. I missed my friend and you turned up wanting my help and it just notched the hurt higher. I'm sorry, Steve. You kept things from me, yes, but I know it was to try and protect me. It was wrong, but understandable. I can't say we can just move on and put it behind us, but I won't be such a dick to you."
It was the best he could do given the circumstances, but the sheer joy that shone on Steve's face warmed him through. The blond took a step toward him and rested his huge hand on Tony's shoulder. "I'm sorry Howard made you believe you weren't good enough. You're a terrifyingly smart man, with great compassion and a fierce loyalty to your friends. Anyone should be proud to call you their son. I'm sorry for Siberia, I was so hellbent on saving my best friend, that I forgot about all other friendships, one that had become important to me. I will never again hide anything from you, unless it saves your life. In return, you won't hide if I do something that hurts you. Deal?"
Tony nodded once, and patted the arm attached to the hand on his shoulder. "Sure thing, Cap." Once Steve let go, he faced Barnes and looked into the blue eyes that he had barely bothered to meet since his arrival.
The other super soldier stood with his arms at his sides, face blank but eyes guarded. He gave nothing away, and said nothing, simply waiting it seemed. Tony almost laughed at how carefully blank he was, certain it had to be taking a lot of effort.
"Damnit, Barnes, loosen up a little, will you? You're making me seriously nervous standing so still."
A tiny smile tugged at his mouth and Barnes stood a little less straight. For him that seemed like borderline slouching.
Tony nodded. "Better. So, it seems I've been a massive fucking dick to you. I had time to think while I was recovering, and going over things, you've been a bloody pawn. You had no control, none. I don't accept that bullshit about recognising Steve and knowing you were doing wrong. Your brain was put in a blender on a repeated basis, no wonder you just obeyed what you were told."
Barnes' mouth fell open and Steve gave a squeak, his own mouth hanging open.
"Yeah, so, I owe an apology. I was rude and arrogant, and though that's in my nature and comes out more often than not, there were lines and I was crossing them. You asked for shelter, I should have given it and asked questions later. Not going to lie, still pretty pissed about my parents and it being kept from me, but I accept it was not your fault nor were you aware of your actions. I would really like to have a proper look at that arm. I'm not going to say I plan on being best buds, but I won't actively try to sucker punch you. And, I'll still work on that trigger issue."
Barnes nodded and smiled. "Thank you, I would be extremely grateful. I understand if you would prefer me to stay out of your way apart from during the experiments."
Tony shook his head. "No, just…don't be extra nice. It makes me seriously uncomfortable."
He shrugged and agreed quietly, moving to stand beside Steve, clapping Tony's shoulder with his flesh hand on the way past. It felt like being struck by a boulder but he was somewhat used to it with Steve and his heavy-handedness.
Hushed words passed between the two soldiers, and Steve left, leaving just Tony, Barnes and Tasha in the room. The usually emotionless Black Widow stood apart from them, her face red from crying, fear and worry in her eyes. Tony wanted to be angry, furious even, but looking at her so broken and frightened destroyed any resolve he had.
"Tasha," he said softly. "Come here."
She moved mechanically, her movements stiff and uncoordinated until she reached him and he tugged her into a hug. She sobbed against his chest and begged forgiveness, pleading to not be thrown out of the Avengers- out of his life. Tony's heart broke and he fell to the floor with her, holding her tightly and burying his face in her hair.
He patiently waited until her sobs subsided and he could actually talk to her without his words being drowned out. When all that was left were hiccups, Tony settled on the floor with Tasha in front of him.
"Just listen for the moment. You are not being thrown out of the Avengers or the Tower, you are not being asked to leave. I've had time to calm down a bit, so stop panicking. I'm livid you kept another thing from me, again, but I am hoping that you did intend to tell me, and I overheard by chance."
Tasha nodded quickly. "Yes, I promise, Tony. I had every intention of telling you, I just didn't know how. So much has gone on, and you were already hurting so much, I just didn't know how to tell you something so shattering."
He held up a hand to stop her and smiled. "Okay, that's something at least. I should probably have announced myself rather than stand there listening, but I'm a nosy shit and I have definitely learned my lesson. I understand why you kept the news about my parents from me, I do. I don't like it, but I get it. But I have to ask, is there anything else I need to know? I do not want anything coming out later when I've given you the chance to tell me."
He saw glances pass between Tasha and Barnes, and she nodded. "Yes, there's more. Bucky has been asking me to tell you, so I asked him to be here when I did, just in case."
Tony worried Tasha was afraid he would hurt her and gave her an encouraging smile, grateful that she was talking to him and not trying to hide anything. He doubted he would like any of it, but it was better it came out now than being told down the line and everything going to shit again.
Waiting for the bombshells to start dropping, Tony gave her the floor, so to speak.
Tasha took a deep breath and started. "So, you know that when Clint found me I was working for HYDRA?" Tony nodded. "I was pretty much like Bucky, I was brain washed and put in a blender after each mission to keep me compliant, but I was their top assassin."
This Tony knew, it was in SHIELD files, along with other information on her.
"When Bucky was trained and ready for action, I was still a teenager, already in the hands of HYDRA. I was being trained, and I first met Bucky a few weeks before my graduation ceremony. He helped to train a few of us girls, providing tips for fast movements. He saw potential in me and wanted me to train with him after the ceremony."
Tony also knew what the ceremony was, he knew Tasha would never be able to have children of her own, and it had become something that bothered her greatly.
"After the Red Room, I trained with Bucky, and he put me forward for a new programme. A new serum, similar to that of the super soldier serum, had been invented. Bucky believed I was most deserving of its rewards. I was strapped down and the serum pumped into my bloodstream. The pain was unimaginable, but I never cried out once, he was proud of me for that. After some resting, I was altered. I was strong, so strong, and my reflexes heightened. I was nimble and deadly before, I was unstoppable after the serum. It also slowed my aging dramatically- I'm sure you've worked that out already if I knew Bucky as a teenager, and yet don't look a day over twenty."
He chuckled. "I did plan to ask what face cream you were using."
Tasha smiled and held his hand tightly. "Yeah. Once I became a full-fledged assassin, I was teamed with Bucky for missions when he was brought out of the ice. We grew close and had a relationship of sorts. Being HYDRA assets meant we knew little of actual relationships, but we knew of the physical side of it. It was pretty much just sex, with a side dish of occasional comfort if a mission was particularly hard."
There was some surprise there, but Tony didn't see why it should bother him. What she did with other men, or women, was nothing to do with him. She was an attractive woman and men often fell at her feet.
"I get it, sure. Even assets have needs," he teased lightly.
"Well, you accepted that better than I thought you would," she chuckled nervously. "Anyway, because we were so close, it became harder for HYDRA to give him mission commands. Their hold on him was weakened, but not gone. Nor was mine. I started being given orders to set his missions and their parameters, I complied easily, there was no reason for me not to. I proved myself more and more, and so I was supposed to be given the mission to kill the Starks, but I was injured in a mission. I took a hit for Bucky, bullet went right through my left side and took a kidney out. I can recover quickly but I can't regrow organs, so I was laid up for a while. I was told to programme Bucky with the mission, and there started the first flickers of doubt."
He glanced at Barnes who was watching him closely, assessing him, Tony reckoned. Hearing it actually come from Tasha that she should have been the one to kill them stung, but not as much as hearing it accidentally. Knowing that she wanted him to know made it a little easier to take. He wasn't entirely sure he could have recovered from it, though, if she had been the one to kill them. Thankfully, he would never have to find out.
"No asset was supposed to let themselves get injured to save another asset, and I had done exactly that. I was developing some emotions towards Bucky, but I didn't say anything. I don't know why, because I wasn't afraid of them, but still, I didn't say a word about how I got injured. Strangely, neither did Bucky. I didn't question why and quickly gave him the mission orders before anyone could learn anything of what happened. He left, performed the task at hand and got the results we needed. Job done. He went back in the ice for a few years, and I went solo for some time. The next time he came out of the ice and was put in the blender, he barely remembered me. I had become erratic with my missions and began making mistakes, so I got blended too. In the end, it was the straw that broke the camel's back."
Her hand clenched his tightly, and he squeezed back. "Whatever it is, we'll work it out, Tasha. Just tell me, okay? I'd rather it came from you than anyone else."
She took a deep breath, swiping at her cheeks when tears fell. "Even though he didn't recognise me, he would still only accept my orders and mission parameters. I was to give one final mission before I was…decommissioned. They had heard of the up and coming son of Howard Stark, the young genius who was breaking all the rules, who could bring about their destruction if he ever found out the truth. I didn't want to do it, but I also didn't want us both to be killed. So, I gave the order."
He knew what was coming next so he said it for her. "Mission active: Kill Tony Stark."
Tasha nodded and sobbed brokenly, grasping at his hands. "Tony, I'm so sorry! I didn't know you then, and I would give anything to take it back and undo what I did."
It hurt, a lot, but not as much as he thought it would do. "Thank you for telling me, Tasha. I'm not happy, and I'm annoyed, but mostly at the fact you've been used for so long and forced to do things you didn't want to do. And even when you didn't know, you were still forced because the decision was taken away from you."
She fell into him and hugged him tightly, his arms wrapped around her and held her, letting her cry it out, murmuring soothing words until she was just sniffling. "We'll sort it, I promise. Now, I want to talk to Barnes, why don't you go find Steve and bring him back for me?"
She nodded, climbed to her feet and left the entertainment room, barely glancing at the soldier. He didn't seem to take it personally, instead his eyes were glued to Tony, watching his every move. Tony's brain whirred as he tried to piece it all together and come to some sort of solution, when it clicked, he saw Barnes had moved to the edge of the sofa, his blue eyes pinned on him, bright and alert. "You are an unusual man, Tony Stark, HYDRA were extremely wrong about you."
