i hope you find it in your hearts to love my OCs as much as i do
im sobbing right now … with love
oOo
Diana's stomach was too unsettled for her to do anything more than pick at her food. The pure anxiety churning inside her showed on the surface. It was visibly evident to her family.
Felix and Alice knew the reason, of course, and after the third time asking, so did her parents.
Oh, Sam didn't like it, no sir, he didn't. He ranted about how she wasn't allowed to do it and reminded her how she was still forbidden from ever stepping within a 6 feet radius of Daryl and Merle. He could get a bit dramatic in his scolding.
Irene began seeing the light when Diana called to attention that they were all part of the same camp and Diana was the official/unofficial nurse. She would eventually have to do with them, so Sam shouldn't get carried away.
That argument only sent Sam on a roll on how she shouldn't even be doing that, to begin with. She didn't owe anyone anything and so on. Diana ended up having to defend her position. She liked what she did, it gave her a sense of purpose and usefulness.
The discussion ended rather abruptly, with Sam storming off, yelling out his typical catchphrase about him never being able to say anything in this family. He left them rolling their eyes at his familiar antics.
Irene assured Diana that she understood where she was coming from and that she would try to make Sam hear the voice of reason. She also warned her to be cautious and get the hell out if the Daryl ever "got too friendly".
So yeah, add that to Diana's messy pile of Things That Could Go Wrong. Along with her making an ass of herself due to a bow malfunction or accidentally shooting Daryl in the ass. Or just totally sucking at the whole archery stuff in general, among other totally plausible things that weren't the product of her anxious brain whatsoever.
She was mostly concerned about how she'll ask him.
She formulated and reformulated the same basic question in her mind over and over again. Different variations in approach and tone and casualty and posture and gesticulation. To each scenario, she imagined possible answers and reactions from his side and how she would respond in accordance. And so on and on and on.
oOo
Diana gave her mom her empty plastic plate. She had finished up only by obligation and the knowledge that she would never be stupid to the point of skipping a meal in this time and age. Nausea could pass, starvation wouldn't.
With a wavering grateful smile, she stood to her full height, trying to draw in strength and courage with every deep breath. Her stomach rebelled against the food and she brought a hand to her mouth. Alice patted her stomach with a half-hearted "There, there."
A final deep exhale that she didn't want to think of as a desperate sigh and she fetched her bow from their shared tent. It felt like it trembled nervously in her hands, or maybe that was just her.
"Hey, break a leg. Figurative or metaphorical is up to you," was Alice's idea of a pep talk, which Diana accepted with a blank face and two unexcited thumbs up.
Felix slammed a fist onto his open palm. "Just do it, bro. Just do it."
"You two are the best at this," Diana breathed out, not very surprised, and turned to her mom. "How 'bout you, mami, got some great insight to offer too? Some amazing advice?"
Irene shrugged and scraped inedible leftovers off a plate into a plastic bag. "I already said what I had to say."
"Thanks, okay, I'm-"
"But I guess it doesn't hurt to tell you again: pelo amor de Deus, please be careful."
"Mami-"
"I know you're a big girl, but God knows you can be a little too willing to see the good in everyone, even if it's barely there. You forget people are always out to find a way to stab you in the back. I know by personal experience, and they were the very opposite of strangers."
"I know, mami, nothing's gonna happen, nothing can happen, I'll be near camp!" The hurt and regretful look her mom sent before looking away had her reeling back to a few days back; she'd also been near and so much had been on the verge of happening. Her skin crawled and her breath hitched. "It's not like- I trust him."
"And that's what worries me most."
"Fine, 'tou a ir!" Diana huffed and stomped away. She was well aware of her shortcomings, but constantly having it thrown at her face did get tiring.
She wanted to be able to trust people without being hindered by it. She wanted to keep her optimism without it being a weakness. She also wanted her family to realize that not everyone was out to get them. Being open toward others didn't mean she was open about herself.
Diana strode through the camp, greeting some of her 'patients' here and there. She had to excuse herself when they wanted to have a word with her, and she searched for the one person she couldn't seem to find.
She was about to turn tail and let herself be content with the attempt when the lightness of her relief was weighted down by the sight of Daryl, stalking in her direction. Or not.
A line of furry things hung on a string from his shoulder. It looked like he was making a habit of hunting for them, Diana thought, just as he'd done when it had just been the seven of them. That was actually nice of him.
Before she could get a nervous word in greeting, he passed by her and continued on his trail. He stopped only in front of Shane, who'd been messing with a radio thing he'd set up, and threw the game at his feet.
"Here's your damn meat! You wanna feed your people so bad, get someone else's ass to do it or do it your damn self! I'm done doing y'all favors," he bellowed.
Diana raised her eyebrows in surprise and curiosity and just a tiny bit of thirst for drama, and stepped closer to the two men.
Daryl's voice had turned a few heads, but they scattered once Shane rose from his crouch to confront him, fixing him with a disbelieving stare.
Seriously, three days in and there was already animosity between these two?
Men.
Daryl faced Shane with a puffed chest, narrowed blue eyes, and a readiness for whatever was to come. Shane's dark eyes were clouded with irritation.
Boys, put away the rulers.
The last thing any of them needed was for a fight to break out between the two men. No matter how much Diana longed to witness the drama of it all. Since she was the only person who stuck around in her stunned stupor, she guessed she would be the fool that would have to tear them apart if things got ugly. She never asked for this life. Where was Lori when she was needed?
She guessed Shane wasn't one to turn to violence quickly, due to his career in law enforcement. She wasn't sure how things would go down if the other person was Daryl.
So, better safe than sorry.
Diana took a deep, shuddering breath and slipped her bow on so it crossed her torso diagonally like she'd seen archers do in fantasy movies. It wasn't very comfortable.
She walked right in the middle of them, turning to Daryl. Her height was a great advantage when blocking his view of Shane and vice versa. "Hey, Daryl, great- great to see you. I was uh, looking for you, actually," she spoke in a rush, moving along with him to block his movements.
"Not now," he hissed and glared above her shoulder.
"Yeah, run along now, girl. Best keep to your place. Your friend here clearly has got something to say," Shane added and Diana stopped in place.
Had she heard him right?
"Run along, girl"? "Best keep to your place"? What and who did he think he was? And what exactly did he think her place was?
Diana pivoted slowly on the heels of her sneakers to face him, face frozen into an outraged glare.
The worst was that he didn't even grace her with a look of acknowledgment. He completely ignored her presence. It was as if she was nothing more than a speck of dust on his shoe.
Maybe it was her period weighing in, but Diana felt rage churning in her center. It spread through her veins, making her blood boil and her face flush.
She gathered her courage. She knew nothing of the dispute between the men at her front and back. She didn't care less right now, but she knew that Shane, former Sheriff's deputy or not, did not dismiss her, Diana Letícia García de Oliveira Lobo, like she was nothing.
She'd been treated like that before, on more occasions than she bothered to count, at work and in daily life. With her patients she felt obligated to bear it, especially since she'd been only a student. She had no such obligation towards Shane, no contract hanging over her head forcing her to behave and accept the blatant disregard with which he had treated her.
"Excuse me, seu grande filho da puta?!" She felt dirty for cursing in her native tongue, but the impact was that much bigger.
Diana raised an arched eyebrow, shifted her weight to one foot and crossed her arms tightly over her chest: righteous-bitch-pose activated.
"Look, I absolutely do not give a flying, walking or crawling fuck about what's going on here," she bit out and gestured between Shane and Daryl, the former finally glancing at her. He looked surprised at her sudden and uncharacteristic aggressive demeanor. "But you do not fucking talk to me like that!"
She glared at him and poked him in the chest at every word. "I am not your servant-"
"I didn't mean it like-"
"You don't fucking interrupt me; I swear to God! I have had to deal with a lot of shit from pretentious white men who think they're God's gift to humanity, and I'm not here for this bullshit.
"You are not my superior, Shane," she spat out his name, "you are not entitled to ordering me around, and I promise that the next time you disrespect me, you will wake up a pair of balls short," she hissed to his face.
Before the man had time to gather his wits and register her threats, Diana whirled around, grabbed a silent-struck Daryl by the crook of his elbow and led him away with hasty steps to his and Merle's truck. To her luck, Merle wasn't around.
With her heart pounding against her ribcage, Diana almost threw herself behind the truck in an attempt to hide. She sat with her back against the back tire, the bow digging into her flesh. One hand grabbed onto the truck while the other clasped her chest, right above her racing heart. Her breathing was rapid and ragged. The adrenaline gave her the feeling of having finished a ride in the world's biggest rollercoaster.
"Oh my God," she breathed out and grabbed her face. "Oh my God."
She ignored Daryl's shuffling feet to her right in order to deal with her panic.
"What did I do?" She peeked over the bed of the pickup. "Is he- is he coming after me?" She fell back to sit on her heels and fanned her face while regulating her breaths. "It's fine, he's not coming to murder me in a blind rage, it's cool, cool cool cool cool. I didn't just insult and threaten a big man with a gun. He's a cop, he wouldn't- unless he's corrupt," she gasped, still murmuring to herself.
Diana was startled out of her downward-spiraling, manic thoughts by a nudge to her thigh, which made her sway in her crouch. Her hand flew out to stabilize her. She looked at the boot and then followed up the length of the leg and up, straining her neck to look up at Daryl.
He tilted his head to her then looked away, arms crossed as he leaned against the bed of the truck. "You done acting crazy?"
Diana faced forward again, her mind feeling somewhat clearer.
She was horrified by how she'd spoken to Shane, no matter how much he deserved it. She hadn't been raised like that, to explode in someone's face at the slightest inconvenience. She knew that had her mom witnessed it, Diana would've been, well, fucked, to put it crudely.
Calm first and foremost, handle things with grace and poise and the dignity of a queen. All things she'd foregone.
Not to mention Shane would never take her seriously after that. And she needed his approval, one way or another, just like she pseudo-needed everyone's approval. Some words from Shane and people would look at and treat her differently. His opinion mattered to them, and their opinion of her mattered to Diana.
She sighed once more and massaged her forehead, forcing away a light headache. "I don't know," Diana confessed, "maybe. I think so." She could deal with this later like she always did. She had other issues right now, now that she'd found Daryl.
"Then stand up, 'cause I sure as hell ain't crouching." He nudged her again, forcing her to stand lest she tipped over.
Diana noticed Daryl's blue gaze on her and felt blood rushing up her neck and resting on her cheeks.
Not only had she acted like a bitch, she'd also had a witness to the whole thing. A witness she wouldn't be able to avoid forever in order to pretend nothing had happened.
She brought her hands to cover her flushed cheeks and let out a sound halfway between a whine and a groan. "That was so embarrassing," she confessed and glanced at the man at her side, gauging his reaction.
Daryl scoffed and kicked some dirt under his foot. "Embarrassing? Hell, I was gonna say damn brave, guy's a grade-A asshole."
"Noo…" Diana dragged, defending weakly, "I mean, yeah uh- kinda, but he seemed okay like, in the beginning… before he talked."
Diana lowered her hands and interlaced her fingers, before deciding that pose looked too forced and putting them in the small pockets of her jean shorts. No, that didn't feel right. She was going to put her hands on her hips but then went for a simple cross of her arms, mirroring Daryl.
Daryl's brow furrowed into a narrow gaze at her, one corner of his lip pulled in a sneer. "Never woulda taken you for an apologist," he barked, making her flinch slightly at the tone, "especially not for a jackass like Mr. Sheriff, and especially not after that beat down some days back."
Ghost hands groped and grabbed at her and she physically shook her head and clenched her fists until it hurt. She'd won, she'd won. She was safe.
Yeah, total not a dick move to remind her of that.
"I'm not an apologist," Diana asserted, uncrossing her arms and pivoting to Daryl. "I just, I shouldn't've said what I said, at least, not in the way I did. I completely versaut everything, he's gonna be on my case forever."
"None of it's on you."
"He's… he's got influence. I don't want people summing me up to an angry black woman that goes around threatening people if they step on my toes. I guess I just- it matters what they think."
"Then they a bunch of short-sighted, bootlicker nothings. You done right for yourself. Piss on whoever makes ya feel bad about it," he said and faced away to spit on the ground.
Diana digested his words. His aggressive approach made it sound worse than it was, but it was surprisingly encouraging, she had to give him that. If only it was so easy to switch off inside her whatever made her feel incredibly self-conscious of her actions and its consequences. Yeah, it didn't work like that. Regrettably.
She leaned against the truck. Her lower lip trapped between her teeth, chewing on a bit of chapped skin and staring at Daryl with unfocused eyes as she mulled over her thoughts.
"Quit that," he said, irritated, and startling her.
Her eyes focused, going from a spot on his collarbone up to his narrowed eyes. He was very irritable that day. More than usual, for what she knew of him.
"Sorry." Think-staring was a habit she couldn't break. "I guess Shane was a complete tool but they listen to him and need him."
"They? It ain't 'we'?" Daryl asked and Diana raised her eyes to meet his ever-narrowed ones. It surprised her to see genuine curiosity, only partially hidden by disinterest.
Diana thought about it and shook her head a bit. "I don't think so, no. It's too soon." She propped her elbow on the metal ridge of the bed of the pickup and rested her chin on the palm of her hand.
Daryl nodded in understanding and dragged himself away from her. She followed his movements with her eyes. He opened the tailgate and dropped his crossbow there while she looked at his profile.
He probably felt the same way. At least she'd had Glenn to make her feel welcome, and her 'patients' to make her feel useful. The campers seemed to keep their distance from the brothers, so she could imagine it would be hard to feel part of a group that treated you like an outsider.
That line of thought raised a question. Should she ask it? Daryl was in an off mood and there was an 80% chance her question could make it worse. It burned in her mind, though, and the curiosity was making her restless. She'd face those odds.
She fiddled with the hem of her shirt and crossed and uncrossed her arms, not knowing how to position herself without feeling off place and artless.
Diana cleared her throat to capture Daryl's attention. When his blue eyes when on her, she felt the vice on her chest tighten, but she bore through it. "Um, like, if you don't mind my asking- if I could, you know, ask what that was between you and Shane- I mean, you don't have to tell me anything; it's none of my business, I know! I'm just- I'm curious because of what you said to him- before- about-"
"Yeah, I know what I said," he muttered gravely and crossed his arms tightly over his chest. That subconsciously drew Diana's eyes to the swell of his biceps. Her gaze found its way back to his at Daryl's next words. "You're right, it ain't your business."
Diana pursed her lips in slight disappointment and sheepishness. She lowered her eyes to her sneakers, dirty and speckled with God knows what.
The rejection stung a bit after she'd gathered the courage to ask. It was understandable, though. They barely knew each other; whatever camaraderie she'd felt towards him was possibly just a mix of innocent gratitude and the common understanding two people feel when they hate the same person. Although hate was a strong word for what she felt for Shane.
It's not as if they were buddy-buddies who told each other everything that was going on in their soul. She was not that type of person herself, so she understood Daryl's need to keep to himself.
Still, something bothered her. "You know, I'm not your enemy. If- if anything, I might be the closest thing you have to a… a friend in this place, you know? I mean, excluding your brother."
"You don't know my life," he whispered through clenched teeth. It should've been a sign that Diana had gone too far and should stop.
She'd never been too good at reading signs.
"I know that." She didn't know why she insisted. She just wanted him to know that he was not completely surrounded by people who disliked him.
"You don't know me. You don't know the first goddamn thing about me 'cept my name. I don't fucking know where you got the idea that we're friends," he hissed the word like it was venom in his mouth. It made Diana want to take a step back, but she stood her ground.
"I ain't told you to be my friend. Hell, I don't need your fucking friendship. I don't want it. I do want you to go back to frolicking to your house of the fuckin' prairie and stay the hell away from me with that fake happy-go-lucky annoying attitude!"
Would it be cliché if Diana admitted that she felt something inside her break? Because his words hurt and they hurt a lot. She'd never felt so little and so humiliated since she'd been a child getting scolded in front of the whole class by her favorite teacher.
Her voice was small and strained and she couldn't tear her gaze from the ground. "I understand, okay, I get called annoying a lot." It took a lot of effort to not blink and let the tears on her lower eyelid overflow. "Why do you do that?" She choked on her next words. "They see a- a short-tempered loud redneck when I- I know you're more than that. I've seen you be kind. Why hide it?"
Daryl's features scrunched up. "Know what? Fuck you! You can go on pretending all you like to see some other side or whatever bullshit. This is who I am, I don't pretend to be someone I ain't, and unlike you, I don't give two shits about what you or any other bootlicker in this shithole of a camp thinks of me!" Daryl stomped past her. He climbed inside the pickup's cabin and slammed the door shut, making the vehicle rock and Diana flinch and sniffle.
Thoughtlessly she ran away to where they practiced self-defense. She passed blurry faces that tried to get her attention or ask her what was wrong. She didn't care for false sympathies and she did not want anyone to see her like this.
The first thing she did when she got there was cry. Big fat tears and body-shaking sobs of hurt and self-pity. The strain almost made her have an asthma attack, and she forced herself to calm down, to rationalize her emotions and maybe make the pain in her chest stop.
What that succeeded was in angering her. Why had she let herself get talked to like that when she hadn't hesitated to give Shane a piece of her mind? She was angry at herself for being so pathetic that she'd just stood there and took it. And she was angry at Daryl, for fooling her into thinking he was worthy of her trust and protection.
She picked up random rocks and twigs and the occasional bottle cap off the ground and hurled them into the distance in her rampage. Her anger felt like electricity under her skin. Energy that made her want to punch and kick anything or anyone.
She was one second away from throwing her bow on the ground when it sent a shock up her forearm. She dropped it limply while jumping away.
"What!? You got something against me, too? I annoy you, too? Am I a fucking burden to you, too?" She paced back and forth, staring at it, actually waiting for some manifestation of an answer. Then she sighed in dejection and picked it back up. "Sorry."
To think she actually thought Daryl was a decent person, psh!
Obviously, she didn't know him that well, like he'd alleged. What she'd thought him to be really deviated largely from what she'd just seen.
She could understand that he had been having a bad day. With his dispute with Shane or whatever was on his mind. Hell, she could forgive it because everyone had their off days. But she hadn't deserved to take the full brunt of it.
She had no idea what went on behind the curtains of his mind. He seemed like a very reserved person, the kind that deals with their troubles by letting them fester inside while the resulting emotions bubble up to the surface. And they slipped through the cracks of his almost perfect armor of impartiality and gave way to displays like this one.
The rage in her stomach simmered down to a mild inconvenience mingled with ever-present hurt as Diana, once again, tried to empathize with him. It made sense that he'd be so prickly. Shane, a group he's not welcomed in, and like he said, her pestering him. He had the right to be grumpy. He just didn't have the right to take it out on her.
But that would be the first and last time. A one-time trial.
Her mom had always jokingly, but in all seriousness, said that if Sam ever raised a hand to hurt her that he'd either find himself very much divorced or missing a hand or both. While Diana wasn't married to Daryl, and the case was of the verbal variety, she felt the sentiment still applied.
This chapter and the next are the ones that I ended up changing the most. Mainly because I had this scene written somewhere in my notes and I wanted to use it, and because what I had before was a bunch of baloney and I was completely unsatisfied with it.
please leave a comment. tell me your thoughts, i'd really appreciate it
