Please forgive my lengthy absence. We've all been affected by Covid-19 and it's caused some rather large upheaval at home- so I've had even less time than usual to write. I promise you I've not forgotten about this story, and no matter how long it takes me, it will be finished.

As always, anything familiar belong the Marvel Cinematic Universe. No money is being made from this story- no copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter Twenty-Three- Confrontations (Clint)

Wandering aimlessly, Tony drifted from room to room with no real destination in mind. Wanda had given him some real food for thought with her explanation of what had gone on in Siberia, his brain ticked away, slotting pieces together, filling out the data he already had on it.

He found himself glancing at his arc reactor every so often, checking it was still glowing brightly. He knew Wanda hadn't meant to hurt him, but couldn't help the looks, afraid that it would suddenly stop working. But it didn't, it glowed as bright as ever, it's blue light a comforting sight amid everything that was going on.

Shutting his thoughts down on Wanda, and Siberia, Tony went to find the bird brain. As always, he found Clint sitting in the rafters, this time in the common room. He motioned the archer down, and persuaded Clint to take him back up, figuring that the conversation might go better if they were on ground Clint felt comfortable with.

The silence between them was palpable with Tony not being all too sure what to say, how to start the conversation off. In the end, Clint broke the silence for him. "I assume you want to talk about my absence?"

Tony nodded slowly. "Yeah, there's some answers I want, I guess."

Clint ran a hand through his hair. "Well, it was gonna come sooner or later."

"You left, Clint, you decided you were retired. How was he able to lure you back in? Not only for the fight at Leipzig/Halle, but for that stunt in Siberia?" Tony asked, his voice cracking.

Clint shrugged. "I honestly don't know, for the first one anyway. Steve rocked up and asked for my help, and you know me, I just can't seem to leave the life behind. It'll be a miracle if Laura forgives me, I'll be honest, but I swear Tony, I had no idea I would be going up against you. Steve never once said it was to fight you."

"Surely you'd guessed it though! You knew I was for the Accords, not because I thought they were a good idea, they were a fucking terrible idea, but agreeing to them would stave off something worse- like a call to have the Avengers disbanded."

"Yeah, I know, Tones. I wasn't thinking, honest. I just…I don't know, I couldn't give it up. I enjoyed the action too much. It was like I said, I played golf, shot 18 holes, won 18 holes. It was boring."

Tony sighed. "You're right, you know."

"About what?"

"It will be a fucking miracle if Laura ever forgives you. I mean, Nate was barely out of diapers."

Clint winced. "Yeah, man, I know. I fucked up there. As for Siberia, I felt bad for Bucky. His entire life, as the Asset anyway, was nothing but a lie for him. His real life, the one from before, was where he needed to be. He remembered Steve so clearly, and the way he talked about Howard, your dad, we, well, I wanted to help. And, I guess, when I really think about it, I was too scared to go home."

Tony couldn't help but laugh at that. "Clint, I'm scared of your wife and I barely know her."

"Yeah," Clint chuckled. "Still, it doesn't excuse it. When the shit hit the fan, this was the only safe place I could think to come to. But in doing that, I've placed you in danger as well. I'm sorry about that, Tony. I'm also angry, at myself. I should have spotted that trap a mile away. All I can say is I'm sorry, man. I really am."

Tony knew that he regretted leaving them, and he imagined that if it could all be done over, Clint might have still attended the fight at the airport, but he wouldn't go to Siberia. Whatever had gone on there was enough to scare all who had spoken about it.

"How were you checking in on me if you were all the way in Siberia?"

Clint smiled. "I would disappear a few days at a time when we were regrouping or whatever, said I was going to see Laura. I'm not proud of using my wife as an excuse, but hell, I was worried about you, man. I really was. So, I used the time to fly back here and check in, make sure you were okay. Well, as okay as you could be. I mean, you weren't the walking dead, so I knew you were holding up. If I thought for one moment it was safe to reveal I was there, I would have done, but I knew that the second that jig was up, I wouldn't be able to leave again."

A frown marred Tony's face. "I don't follow."

"You're my friend, Tony, you're also my family, and I love you, like a brother, man. And I knew the moment that you saw me you'd have begged me to stay, pride be damned, and that meant that I wouldn't be able to go back to the action, so, I guess you can say that I'm a selfish ass."

Tony couldn't really argue with that, Clint could be selfish at times, but it was a rare occurrence and rarely was it something he did with malicious intent. He was upset, sure, his friend had chosen action over him, but at the same time, Tony had done that with Pepper. He knew how she'd felt about him being an Avenger, the danger it had put him in, and the danger it had brought to their doorstep, but Tony had been unable to give it up, and ultimately, it had cost him his relationship.

"Yeah, I would have wanted you to stay. You made the journeys to check up on me, and for that I'm grateful, Clint. No one else did, so even if you think yourself selfish for wanting to go back to the action, you were still a friend to me, making sure I was alive."

Clint nodded. "Had I thought even for a second that you weren't coping I would have hightailed it back to Siberia and dragged everyone back with me. But either you're very good at internalising your feelings, or the others are blowing things out of proportion."

Tony blinked, frowned and then scowled. "What do you mean blowing things out of proportion?"

"Tasha says you have panic attacks, that you get 'triggered' by certain things and go all dark and broody."

"Well, I guess that's not entirely inaccurate. It's hardly surprising though, Clint. I find out my parents were murdered, not in an accident like I had always believed, my best friend tries to kill me, then all my friends deserted me and left me alone…for a year, Clint. One, whole, fucking year. Alone."

The archer lowered his head and shook it. "Yeah, man, I know. We were dicks, no two ways about it. If there was any way I could re-do it all and make sure you knew that you were being looked over, I would do it in a heartbeat. Because knowing what I know now, I would have given up the action to look after you. I never knew about the panic attacks, I thought that was all over the incident in New York, I had no idea it was to do with what happened in Siberia."

Tony nodded and decided that, for the moment, he was done grilling the bird brain. Clint, so far, had been the only one to immediately acknowledge his mistakes and apologise without prompting. He knew deep down that Clint could never be a bad person, he had a heart of gold. But he had his faults, and he admitted them, his love of the action was something that would never die. He could only hope that it didn't cost him everything, like it did Tony.

They spent some time chatting some more, with them laughing over the marshmallow thing he had done that Tasha had found. It amazed him still that those two had never gotten together. He guessed there was just too much there for them, surviving things together, and in a way, Tasha was a highly damaged person and Clint needed someone whole, like Laura.

Thinking of Tasha, perhaps he should speak to her next. While she had owned up to a lot, she had as much to answer for as Steve did- and that was one chat he was not looking forward to, but he knew that it was something he was going to have to do if he was ever going to heal over everything.

As if sensing his thoughts, Clint interrupted them. "If it makes you feel any better, I really do think Steve feels bad about how it all went down- Siberia especially. He knows he royally fucked up leaving you there alone. I mean, if you hadn't been found, I know you would have died. The suit had no power so there was nothing keeping you warm anymore."

He appreciated the attempt to apologise for Steve, but Tony needed to hear it from the Super Soldier himself before he would be able to even think about moving on. There was little else to say on the matter, so Tony got the archer to take him back down and went on his way to find the next person he needed to sort things out with.