A/N: Brief summary of last chapter cuz it's been a while: Croix graduated from Luna Nova, and is trying to get into a University on America, but for now she's still in the UK. Chariot has now started her last year at Luna Nova.
Chapter 53: The price of solitude.
I stare off at the courtyard wall as the sun slowly sets on the horizon. Almost a week has passed since the new semester started and yet… I still can't get used to this. It's Luna Nova. The place I have called home for the past two years; the place where I've learned magic and fought monsters and had countless heart pounding adventures. It's familiar, it's nostalgic and welcoming, and yet… I still feel a tightening on my throat every time I turn to my side and don't find Croix next to me; when I learn a new spell and she's not there to celebrate with me; or when I return to my dorm for the night, instead of sneaking into the Astronomy tower.
It feels so, so wrong. Luna Nova is a desolated place now; the building is still there, but it feels empty without her here. It doesn't matter if there's hundreds of students roaming around the corridors, it feels so lonely for me. It's almost unbearable.
"Chariot? Chariot!" I snap out of my thoughts at Anaid's voice. By the sound of it, it seems like she's already tried to catch my attention a couple of times without answer. Not an uncommon occurrence lately, really.
"Uhm… sorry, I was distracted." I answer, straightening myself on the bench and turning to look at my friends. I've been spending a lot of time with them lately, but my mind isn't always here with them. A part of me wonders if maybe they're getting tired of me.
"It's okay." Anaid sighs.
"Thinking about your girlfriend again?" Enid teases. I never really told them about Croix, since she wanted to keep our relationship mostly private, but I know they've suspected for a while, so I make no effort to contradict her.
"I just… miss her." I admit with a grimace before closing my eyes.
It's this place that's getting to me, it just holds too many memories! Just sitting on this bench in the courtyard, with the orange hue of the setting sun illuminating the building makes me remember that time when she told me that a believing heart is my magic. And… I want to hold on to that. I want to believe that, if my belief is strong enough, maybe I can get through anything and everything. Even this long separation from the one I love so much.
"That's what you get for dating someone older than you." Enid snickers, no doubt trying to make light of the situation in order to make me laugh, but all I can manage is opening my eyes and looking at her with slight annoyance. I'm really not in the mood.
"Have you tried writing her?" Anaid chirps in, a little more compassionate than her sister.
"I have…" I sigh. I wrote her during summer break and she answered me with instructions on how to make an email account and use it. She has a point of course; it'd probably be a faster way of communicating, and… yeah, she even left me a phone and a laptop in her old lab. I just can't get myself to go there anymore. Not without… her.
And so, I've kept writing her letters, but she hasn't answered. Probably her way of making me use technology. I hate it, but… I know I'll give in eventually. She probably knows it too.
"You really are taking this whole situation out of proportion." Enid complains. "You're always sighing and staring longingly at the distance as if that's gonna bring her back. Well, guess what? It's not! So put your shit together and please stop being so dramatic. Long distance relationships are something that happen all the time! No need to lose your mind over it."
"Enid!" Anaid intervenes in my behalf, but… there's no use. Enid is right and we all know it. I am being dramatic. I should stop thinking about Croix all the time. I wished I could stop myself from feeling this way about this whole situation. I wished.
And yet… why does it hurt so much? Why does it feel like I'm drowning and Croix is that one gasp of air I desperately need in order to survive? It's like she's a happiness potion and I'm feeling the aftereffects of not taking it for too long. I'm desperate, I'm lost and I need her now more than ever.
I wonder… if she feels the same way.
"I'm sorry." I say as I get up and dust my skirt off. "I'll see you tomorrow."
And with those final words, I'm off. I need to run, to escape. From what or to where? I'm not sure. I just have to see where my feet will carry me.
Turns out, my feet carried me straight up to the first steps of the staircase leading towards the Astronomy Tower. It's not the first time it's happened either; every time I miss her, I somehow end up here.
I still remember the first time I walked up these stairs, looking for someone to help me in my studies. How there was an explosion and I rushed in to help. An involuntary smile tugs at my lips, but it's bittersweet, so I sigh, placing my hand on the wall as I take the first step up the stairs.
I remember that time I was drunk, Christmas Eve, utterly confused and terrified about the burning feelings that surged on my chest when I had been tangled in my girlfriend's arms; how I stumbled down these very stairs, unable to maintain my equilibrium.
Why did it have to come to an end? Why can't things just be like they were before?
I hesitate as I reach the door, afraid of what I'll find. I haven't been here at all since Croix left; not even one time. And with good reason, really. As soon as I push the door open, I'm greeted with the dark empty room that was once the Astronomy Tower. The only traces of it being a secret lab once upon a time are the old red couch and the desk and chair, nestled against the wall. All of Croix's equipment is gone, as well as all her ramen cups, dirty clothes and modern machinery. All that's left is the laptop and the cellphone sitting on the desk; what I came here for.
This doesn't feel right. This isn't our place anymore! It's just… a shell of what it once was. Empty, cold and dark. Unfamiliar, but oddly reminiscent of something I knew and held dearly inside my heart.
My chest tightens and my breath catches in my throat as soon as I take the first step inside. I want to run away. I want to pretend that Croix is still here; working and busy, barely able to make time for me, but here. But… the silence that meets me tells an entirely different story.
How can this silent, empty place scream Croix's name so loudly? It's like an echo crying over and over again, rumbling against the walls, growing louder the more time I stay here. And yet… everything is silent. There's barely any trace of Croix; just my memories haunting me.
I sit down at the desk, staring emptily at the shut down computer. This doesn't feel right! It was always Croix sitting at the desk! Why does everything feel so wrong?! I can't take it anymore! I hate this!
I chock back a sob and squeeze my eyes to prevent tears from falling. No, I won't cry! This is so stupid! So, what if I miss her? It's not like I'll never see her again. It's not like we're not girlfriends anymore. So then why? Why does it hurt so much? Why am I barely able to breathe?
I need… I need to get out of here!
Before I can fully register what I'm doing, I find my legs carrying me out of the room and down the stairs as quickly as they can. I just need to get out of here! I don't know where I even want to go, but my own room is out of the question, especially in the state I'm in. I need to calm down, and I need to get out of Luna Nova; to do something to distract myself, somewhere where Croix's presence isn't as strong.
I find myself at the leyline entrance and, without thinking it twice, I pronounce the fifth word and fly into it, riding my shiny broom. I know I could get in serious trouble for this, but I honestly don't care right now; I need this.
I soon find myself at the town plaza; a place where I've often held my spectacles before. Just… never this late into the afternoon, with the sun having already disappeared under the horizon, and never on a weekday.
What am I even thinking? This is stupid… right?
"Are you asking me?" I hear Alcor's voice inside my head before he pops out of the Shiny Rod and perches on my shoulder.
"What have I told you about reading my thoughts?" I answer telepathically with a mildly scolding tone.
"Please forgive me, but you were almost shouting them." At this I can only answer with a pout. But at least talking with him is helping me ignore the pain I still feel in my chest. "You still miss her." It's not a question; it's a statement. Fitting for someone who can feel my emotions to a certain degree.
"Well… only one week has passed. I think it's fair." I answer a bit defensively.
"And you want to use your shows as a distraction?"
"Ye- no! Kinda?" I stutter, looking sheepishly at him. "Not as a distraction, exactly, but… this was the one thing that I always did without her. And I like it a lot too. I just thought… it might make this all more bearable. To give me some sense of normalcy."
The white crow states at me for a second before nodding.
"Very well, Chariot. If you think it's for the best, then I won't stop you."
"Thank you." I smile. "Will you help me as well?" In response, I'm met with a long sigh.
"I suppose I could."
As expected, performing that night feels as thrilling and exhilarating as ever. It helps me forget about Croix being so far away, about the words of Arcturus that feel impossible to reach without her here, and about the school I'm still stuck in after Croix has already departed.
And what's best of all is that people really seem to like my show! I make them smile, and that makes me smile in turn. Performing at night gives my magic a new flare to it that exalts its flashiness, and I quickly decide that I like it. Plus, I have a bit more of a crowd than usual; probably because of the late hour. A lot of the local kids come here to play with their friends once they've finished their homework, and their parents are often not too far away. Plus, it's a spot where a lot of people pass on their way home after work, so all in all, my show does get more attention than usual.
Still, I can't help myself finishing up with the words Croix said to me once upon a time.
"And remember: a believing heart is your magic."
Those are words that have stuck with me since then, although their meaning has changed. At first it was about entering the broom relay and winning, then about unlocking the seven words, and now… now I have to believe in my bond with Croix; I have to believe it's strong enough to make us always go back to each other. Like magic.
And so, it soon becomes a daily occurrence; I'd finish my classes, wait for the sun to set and go to town to perform until the energy on the Shiny Rod runs out. And each day I find that it makes it going back to Luna Nova a little bit easier; it makes the ache on my heart a little less painful. But most importantly, it doesn't just help me; every day I see people, with frowns on their faces and stress clearly weighing down on them, smile and laugh as soon as they see my magic. I see them start to believe when I say my now-catchphrase, and I hear kids repeating that same phrase among their friends, undoubtedly believing it to be truth with all their hearts. It's an incredible feeling.
And then, one of those nights, a man approaches me. He's tall, blond, wearing a suit and with a well-trimmed beard. All in all, not unlike the many people that often witness my shows on their way home. But… it's what he says that makes me do a double take.
"What a wonderful display of magic. Would you be interested in performing it for a larger audience?"
"What?" Is all I answer, trying to comprehend what he's implying. Does he know of a better spot for me to perform?
"I'm an agent in the entertainment industry." He explains. "We mostly search for young artists, like musicians or comedians, that have popular live performances. From there we help them reach a larger audience. I have no doubt that someone as talented as you would become a household name."
My eyes open wide at his explanation. Is he… for real? He wants to put me on a stage? An actual stage with rows and rows of people showing up to see my magic? I have to literally pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming, and sure enough, the pain all but confirms it.
"I'd love to!" I answer honestly.
"Very well." He smiles as he takes something from his pocket and hands it to me. It's a small card with a name (presumably his), a phone number and an address. It also has what appears to be a logo printed on it. "Come to this address tomorrow before 2 pm. We'll discuss your contract."
"Will do!" I smile as he waves me goodbye and walks away, disappearing into the crowd. Really, if not for the card I'm holding, I'd believe it was all an illusion.
"Aren't you forgetting something?" I hear Alcor's scolding voice inside my head.
"Huh?"
"You have classes tomorrow!"
"It'll be fine." I shrug. "It's not every day that I get an opportunity like this."
"And what about the seven words? You still have two to find."
"You sound just like her." I roll my eyes. "A believing heart is my magic, remember? As long as I just keep bringing smiles to people's faces, I'm sure I'll stumble into the last two words eventually."
"I hope you're right." He sighs.
A/N: It's been a while, hasn't it? I'm sorry, I bet most of you thought I had abandoned this story. I certainly thought I did. But no; I'm determined to finish it now. I was just having a severe case of writer's block XD. I'll hopefully be uploading every two weeks as usual, so I hope you'll wait patientlly for the next chapter!
Thanks for reading! And any reviews/follows/favorites will be really appreciated, and will help me know if people are still interested on reading this thing.
Thanks to my beta reader moonwatcher13.
