oOo
Diana dragged her hands down her face and drew out a groan. "I hate my life. I regret all my life decisions and I wish I could go back in time and stop myself from being the embarrassment I am," she mumbled into her palms and gave a fake sob of exasperation.
It was after lunch. She was hiding away in the back of the home camp, under a tree in the middle of the underbrush.
Diana dragged her hands up her hairline and dug her fingertips into her scalp, pulling at the roots of her hair in frustration and anxiety. Why had she said that to Daryl? Why had she told him she'd make up to him for his family's lack of physical and emotional affection? Of all the stupid things that had ever left her mouth, that sure took the prize for most idiotic.
She didn't have the familiarity with him that she had with Glenn, for example. She'd had enough difficulty keeping the weird tingling in her lower abdomen on the down low the day before and still, she'd gone and said it anyway.
It was for a good cause, that was sure. She was proud of herself for it but oh so horrified.
How would she even go about it? Put her arm around his shoulder and call him 'pal'? Hook her arm with his? Hold his hand?!
She physically shook her head and felt a blush rise on her cheeks.
This was so cliché and so wrong.
Suck it up, big baby, she berated herself. Only she could find herself horrified by such a situation when the end of the fucking world was going on. Get some perspective, Diana.
"Agh, whatever!" she exclaimed and stood up, slapping her butt free of dirt and grabbing her bow from the ground. "Just go with the flow, baby. Breathe, don't force anything. Wing it, baby-girl, that's how you do most things in life. Just wing it."
When Daryl appeared her throat closed up and her stomach plummeted to the pit of her abdomen. They walked in uninterrupted silence to their spot.
Daryl noticed her discomfort as soon as they reached the clearing. He frowned at her as he settled his cross down by the rocks.
She tried to cover it up with a smile, but from his reaction, she was sure it looked like a grimace.
"You look like you swallowed a frog, you alright?" He approached her and stood in front of her with arms crossed. Not even the sight of his flexed biceps was enough to make her feel better. Okay, that was a huge lie.
Diana sighed and with one hand fiddled with the hem of her tank top. "I'm not having a great day," she admitted lamely.
It wasn't only her uneasiness. She also felt Glenn's absence down to her soul. The fact that she was on her period didn't help things.
"Mind if I ask for something?" The narrowing of Daryl's eyes at her question almost made her smile. "You don't gotta look so skeptical."
"Nah I do, 'cause every time you wanna ask somethin', you just pokin' your nose in my business and my past."
His defensiveness made her forego her original question to defend herself in return. "Is it that bad that I wanna get to know you? I mean, we're gonna be spending a lot of time together. I think it's only normal."
Daryl squinted his baby blues at her and shifted in place, looking uncomfortable. "Why?"
"Why? What why?" Diana shrugged helplessly and let the bow fall to the dirt with a dull thud. "I wanna be your friend!"
The confession brought her heart to race and caused her palms to sweat. Daryl's words came back to mind. He didn't want her friendship. She was annoying. Still, she insisted.
"And friends wanna know- they wanna know about each other's… everything. 'Cause they care and stuff. I can count on one hand the friends I've had and I wasn't really good at it. I didn't call back, I ignored texts, I was selfish." Regret overtook Diana's tone of voice. She knew she was over-sharing and should probably shut her mouth, "And now… they're probably all dead and I can't do anything about it. But I can be a good friend to you."
It was all true. As much as she felt disgusted at herself, she also felt indifference. Her apathy was justified, but this was not something she wanted to disclose or think about at that particular time. It would only bring down her mood even more.
"You tryna redeem yourself through me? Make up for some bullshit teen drama you went through?"
Diana's mouth snapped shut and a heat started boiling inside her. Her sweat was cold against her scorching skin.
He didn't know what he was talking about. He didn't know what had happened at all. That 'bullshit teen drama' had been the starting point of many of her issues. Some of which had been ignited by her own trusted 'friends'.
"That's not it," she affirmed with a low voice but said nothing else to address his words.
She could see the guilt clear on his expression when she turned her face. She clenched and unclenched her fists, her right one hurting from the force.
How had it escalated this far? She'd wanted to ask for a simple hug, to feel it out. And because she loved hugs and really needed one right now.
She normally went to Felix for that, because he gave the best hugs, but he'd been napping. Alice was a no-go. And she didn't want to worry her parents with sudden clinginess. They'd know something was wrong.
Diana glanced up at Daryl and saw him scratch his head in frustration, looking at her with what could only be called shame in the lines of his face.
She didn't understand it. He always seemed displeased at himself whenever he upset her, it was so strange. She knew he'd said he wouldn't yell at her anymore and whenever their conversations took a disagreeable turn, all it took was her showing just a hint of distress for him to turn almost docile.
This wasn't something she'd ever expected from Daryl. She'd seen him with Shane, like a dog with a bone, or even his own brother, the two fought like words could maim. But he always seemed to regret his callous words and acts towards her.
She knew from observation that it was not because of her being a woman. She'd seen how rude and unforgiving he could be to some, if not most survivors from the Quarry camp, no matter the gender.
Not the type to hold grudges, Diana forgave easily.
She sighed deeply and opened her mouth to apologize, but the voice was not her own. "Sorry."
Diana glanced from Daryl's apologetic eyes to his lips, afraid to have imagined the words.
"Sorry?" she repeated, confused. Well, he'd been the one to offend, so why was she the one who was going to apologize? She seriously had to get rid of that habit.
"Ya said you ain't havin' a good day and I fuck it up even worse." He avoided her gaze now, staring off to the side, absently into the tree line.
Why was he being so amiable and cordial? She appreciated it but it was so different from what she witnessed from him in public that it made her head spin. Who was this person?
She hesitated for a moment before swallowing the lump in her throat. She laid a hand on Daryl's arm and squeezed it gently.
The contact came as a thrill that crept under her skin. The hairs on her arms stood on end and her scalp tingled blissfully.
She couldn't understand her body's response. She tried comparing it to the only other person outside her family that she let casually touch her, Glenn. But there was nothing to compare, though, not really. She never reacted so extremely to him, it was like he was family, even to a subconscious level.
It was probably that.
Diana still wanted to apologize for her intrusiveness. "It's okay, I can be-"
"Don't do that," he warned, finally looking at her. "Don't try to defend me by puttin' yourself down, I ain't hearing that. Whatever made me say what I said ain't your fault."
His words made Diana's hand drop to her side, grazing his arm on its way. A grateful nod from her.
It sounded like something you'd say to someone who's suffered from abuse. It raised many questions in her mind.
Diana studied him. The earnestness and finality in his tone, leaving no room for excuses, the pursing of his lips and tenseness of his shoulders. Whatever he was thinking about now was making him uncomfortable, like he wanted nothing more than slip out of his own skin.
Was this something he'd said to someone before? Or someone had said to him? Or were these words he'd wish he'd heard at some point in his life?
Those thoughts plunged a knife in Diana's heart and twisted it viciously. These were only assumptions but they were coming from a place she trusted to be true.
Diana didn't say anything that betrayed her thoughts and only reached out to grab at Daryl's hand. She hooked her index finger with his pinkie, then grabbed his fingers in hers and ran her thumb softly over his knuckles, feeling flush with embarrassment.
She could hear him swallow drily and saw the column of his throat move to accommodate the action. Then, without looking at him lest she chicken out at the last second, Diana brought Daryl's hand up and cushioned her lips against it. An innocent peck.
The contact lasted a mere second. Daryl snatched his hand from hers as though her touch had scalded him. The sudden movement caused Diana to snap her head up and look at him in bewilderment.
He didn't look any better. His eyes were wide and lips parted in surprise. He held his hand away like he'd taken offense in the what she'd done.
"What?" Diana asked after a few seconds of staring at each other.
She saw his Adam's apple bob up and down once more before he spoke. "Why'd you do that?"
Diana shook her head in stupefaction. "As thank you." And to show how sorry she was, for whatever she suspected had happened in his past. She was reminded of the reason behind her promise the day before, and why she'd made it in the first place.
Daryl said nothing after that. His eyes roamed up and down, appraising her, almost mistrustful. And then he asked, "What'd you wanna ask?"
Diana let her brow furrow in confusion until it dawned on her what he meant and she looked away with her heart beating audibly inside her ribcage.
"Eh, you know, nothing important. Just forget it."
"I snapped at you 'cause of that," he said and tried to catch her eye. "I wanna know what it was about. I'll answer it, no matter how nosy and up-in-my-business you get."
Diana felt bashful and contemplated turning on her heel and running back, cutting her training off before it had even started.
"It's not really a question, though, it's more a… a Wunsch? A- fuck what's it called? A wish? A… a request, a request!" She took a breath and glanced at Daryl from the corner of her eye, looking at her expectantly. She brought a hand up to cover the side of her face turned to him and shook her head. "Nothing, nothing at all. I didn't… I didn't want a thing." Chicken, chicken, chicken!
"Just spit it out," Daryl said, rather patiently for such impatient words, like he was coaxing a baby to say their first word. That's what she'd reduced herself to.
She dropped her hands. "It's a… it's a-" With her arms she mimicked a hug, not wanting to say the word out loud. "'Cause I'm a sad pathetic loser and I thought it'd make me feel better."
God, she was so lame. This was not the first time she'd felt like burying herself alive when talking to Daryl. She was sure it would not be the last with her track record for saying embarrassing shit.
She peeked at him through the spaces between her fingers. His expression was one of having been extremely caught off guard. His eyebrows were raised halfway to his hairline and his complexion had started to take on a particular shade of red that Diana had never seen on him.
Diana waved her hands about. "Okay, know what? Let's forget I ever opened my mouth, you know? Like for real, let's just forget this and start the archery stuff, okay? Can we- can we do that now?"
She went to bend down to pick up her bow but a hand grabbed her by the upper arm.
Diana could've cried with embarrassment by then. "Please, just forget about it," she half-whined as she stood upright and the hand dropped from her arm.
Daryl made a sound that was half clearing his throat and half choking on air. Diana saw from the corner of her eye as he hesitantly and somewhat shakily opened his arms to her just slightly. His face was very red and he wasn't looking at her. Diana thought of how much it all looked like a scene straight out of those cheesy romance anime Alice loved to mock.
She was glad he wasn't looking at her, otherwise, it would've been doubly awkward for her.
Diana cleared her throat softly and mentally yelled at the stuff tickling her stomach to quit it. She took a step into the reach of his half raised arms. Then another, until she was standing toe to toe with him. She put her arms around his torso slowly, almost afraid he'd jerk back.
The warmth she felt through the thin material of their shirts was enough to make her breath hitch and set her heart racing even quicker. Seeing as he couldn't see her face, she didn't mind if she was flushed. She rested her head on his shoulder, the corner of her mouth touching the skin where his sleeve ended.
Her insides felt like water.
Daryl enclosed his arms around her, loosely like he was uncertain.
Diana laughed inwardly at how silly it all was. Absurd, but funny.
She turned her head. Her nose skimmed Daryl's skin and her lips parted for a deep sigh. Her breath splayed on his neck and she could feel him shiver. He smelled of pines, sweat and peppermint gum.
Her chest felt warm and her heart content. Like a blanket and hot chocolate on a snowy day. She tightened her arms around him, fisting the shirt at his back and leaving no space between their chests. With eyes half closed, Diana whispered, "You can hold on tighter."
She buried her head deeper into the crook of his neck, the exposed skin warm on her lips. She felt his pulse quicken there.
When his arms coiled around her, squeezing her to him, Diana's mind turned blank. She was 100% completely sure no hug had ever or would ever feel as great as that. She felt comfort, a sense of security, and tingling that spread throughout her body, pooling deep and warm in her lower abdomen and twisting her heart.
She was hyper aware of her chest against his, expanding and contracting with every shallow breath, of his arms on her back, hands splayed against her burning skin.
She felt the immense urge to let her hands roam on the expanse of his broad back, but resisted it, grabbing onto his shirt for good measure. She was beginning to think like the leading lady from a romance novel and she had to shut that down.
"Daryl?" she mumbled, lips grazing against his neck to form the syllables.
She felt him nod, his head had come to rest slightly against hers.
She'd been scared he'd reject the proposal, even as a favor. She was extremely pleased with how it turned out, despite the initial awkwardness.
"You don't mind?" she asked, voice muffled. They'd been holding that position for longer than the average hug. Diana didn't mind at all. With the right partner, the longer the better.
And Daryl was an incredible partner.
He made nothing to indicate he'd be letting go anytime soon so Diana thought he hadn't heard her. When she opened her mouth to repeat herself, she felt him shake his head.
"I don't." The words rumbled in his chest and Diana felt them resonate in her.
"This is so fucking anime," Diana mumbled to herself with a chuckle and leaned away, silently signaling the end of it.
Daryl seemed almost reluctant to let go but did it all the same. Suddenly, everything around them was more interesting than the other.
"You know you're not gonna be able to escape now, right?"
"What?" Daryl turned to her, complexion slowly returning to its normal color. Diana thanked God she didn't have to worry about looking obviously red because of her tone.
"Once I'm comfortable enough with someone, I got like, zero problems with skinship." Diana felt like she should be embarrassed by the boldness of her words, but she was still riding an endorphin high, so they didn't faze her.
It was true. There were people that made her squirm in discomfort whenever they took liberties with touching her. Then there were the few chosen ones who were either blessed or cursed to have to deal with her constant need for physical closeness.
Daryl rubbed the side of his neck and lifted a shoulder. "Ain't harmin' no one."
His fake nonchalance almost made Diana laugh.
She smiled lopsided and bent down to pick up her bow. "Let's not do this today, yeah? Just not really feeling up for it."
She knew that she should really be training because their time was limited. But honestly, her insides were like jelly and her limp noodles for arms would make it hard to lift the bow for any long period of time. She didn't want Daryl to see that.
Their journey back was made in comfortable silence. When they reached camp, each went their own way. But not before Diana gave Daryl a conspiratory smile, which he returned with a subtle lift of the corner of his lips.
oOo
"Glenn's back!"
The shout from the main camp reached Diana's ears and made her perk up and snap her head around, almost giving herself whiplash. She dropped her book at her feet with no hesitation and took off towards the sound.
She faintly registered Alice and Felix emerging from their tent and following after.
A small welcome committee had gathered as Glenn's car revved into view, following the curves of the road. He parked in front of them.
Diana yelled at the crowd to make way, using her arms to part them like they were the Red Sea and she was Moses. She was on Glenn as soon as he opened the door. Her arms went around his neck and they both lost balance and fell against the side of the vehicle, rocking it with their weight.
Glenn's hands came to grasp at her waist in his surprise. When he noticed who it was, he hugged her back just as fiercely, his face buried in the crook of her neck. A happy chuckle escaped him.
"Hey there, champ," he said and they broke apart. "Miss me?"
"Yes," Diana admitted earnestly. Glenn blushed and lifted his baseball cap to scratch his head.
Another hug and she stepped away to let him be received by the others. Their receptions weren't as enthusiastic as hers, but they showed their concern and gratitude in their own way and let him be.
Glenn recounted everything to Shane and handed over the requested supplies he'd collected. Mostly food but some hardware tools that could double as melee weapons and other necessities like hygiene articles and the likes.
He spent dinner with the Lobos. Diana clung onto him like a koala bear onto a eucalyptus tree, their hands entwined on her lap, much to Sam's chagrin.
Enthusiastically, merging with the feeling of belonging, Glenn told them each and every detail from the run. Alice and Felix translated roughly to their parents so they could be included on the tale.
When each returned to their individual conversations, Irene started humming softly to herself while cleaning up dinner. Alice caught on to it and started singing out loud. Duele el Corazón, Diana realized upon hearing the lyrics.
Irene started accompanied her, louder, encouraging the girl to do the same. Felix joined them with little reluctance, his gravelly voice counteracting the two more feminine ones. Diana smiled at Glenn, who looked at her in amused confusion, and she swayed in her seat, making him sway with her.
When the song was going on full swing, Irene pulled Sam up by the hand. He protesting in the beginning but when she dragged him close and they started dancing by the firelight, Sam cooperated happily.
Once the song was over, Alice immediately started another one of Enrique's, since she knew her mom loved him. Diana joined in, quieter than the others, self-conscious of her low and slightly flat singing voice.
The song was abruptly interrupted by a sudden appearance and Irene and Sam stopped their dance.
"Evening, fellows," came a voice from behind Diana. She and Glenn pivoted in their seats to face it. It was Shane. Of motherfucking course. "Hey, Glenn. I know you're happy to be back and we're glad for you, pal and thankful, but you folks mind taking it down a notch? We think that all the uh-" He let his eyes roam over the Lobos. "-noise isn't very wise."
Oh, the nerve of the filho da puta!
"Shane, 'pal'. I just went through hell and back for yours and everyone's sakes. All I'm asking is that I celebrate my safe return with my family."
Diana's heart swelled at his words and she squeezed his hand. He squeezed back but didn't break eye contact with Shane.
The man stared back for a contemplative moment before sighing and nodding. "Fine, fine. Try less singing, maybe. It can get a bit grating." And with that, he nodded his farewell and left.
Alice huffed in offense. "Fucking asshat," she cursed. Irene scolded her, saying she'd understood that. "I sound good. He wishes he sounded like me."
"Whatever the motherfucker said, he can go take a hike and fuck himself," Sam said with unperturbed humor, and Irene slapped him on the upper arm.
"I hope it wasn't too much, with the family thing," Glenn admitted to Diana while simply ignoring whatever foreign insult Sam had bellowed.
"Of course not, I told you yesterday, Glenn. Alice already adores you. Felix treats you like you two are old friends. And my parents, well, the fact that I'm holding your hand right now probably doesn't help your case, but they're opening up to you. And me, you know you'll never have to doubt what I feel for you, Glenn."
Glenn's smile lit up his face and he hugged Diana to his side. His arm stayed around her for two more songs and then Irene deemed it was enough music for the evening.
Then they played UNO while Sam and Irene talked and kept their score on the side. Alice won 2 rounds, and Felix and Glenn won 1 each. Diana was the Biggest Loser™. She was used to it, though, UNO hated her.
Once Glenn started yawning every two seconds, Diana deemed it time for him to go to bed. He'd had one hell of a day, he needed his rest. So she hugged him goodnight. He hugged a flustered Alice as well and did his super long and silly handshake with Felix. They failed many times and were both laughing by the end of it. Then Alice got jealous. So Diana watched, a smile on her face, as they quickly invented a handshake of their own.
She waved him goodbye with drooping eyes when he left.
Lying in her sleeping bag, she reflected back on the eventful day. Everything had started so wrong but they were learning to cope, to see the silver linings, to enjoy every little joyful thing. And their individual sadness had melted into a rich moment full of laughter and song and family.
Not every day had to be sunshine and flowers and rainbows, that was just not how things worked. And not every day had a good conclusion like today had. Some remained gray and lifeless. Not everything had to have a happy ending, especially not nowadays. But those rare happy times had to be celebrated and lived fully without dwelling on the misery because no one could possibly know when the next one would come.
Read the hug, feel the hug, be the hug. But for real, I exaggerated for a reason. Diana never experienced any kind of romantic intimacy, so what happens between her and Daryl is all new and exciting, even if she is oblivious to the romantic connotations.
Glenn, precious and lovable Glenn, whom Diana and the sibs already love so much. He'll always be part of the family.
please leave a comment. tell me your thoughts, i'd really appreciate it.
