oOo

Was there a single word that conveyed absolute, world-shattering devastation?

There was so much happening within Diana at the same time that she didn't know what to think, how to react, how to even speak. The chaos shut down her mind to the bare basics.

She felt everything and nothing. The seconds ticked back and forth, keeping her stuck waist-deep in the quicksand of time.

Her eyes stung and when she blinked time resumed its unfair march, unforgiving.

With what little strength she had left, Diana's sisterly instinct forced her to crawl on all fours to her brother's side.

Felix sobbed and whimpered, his slumped shoulders shaking, his hands grabbing frantically at his locs. He was whispering something too low and raspy for Diana to hear.

Her chest felt constricted with emotion that she wasn't yet capable to discern. Felix jumped when her hand touched his back. His twisted expression of pain didn't budge, but he buried his face in his sister's embrace as soon as he recognized her.

Diana remained silent except for her gentle shushing and wordless comfort. Their arms were fast around the other and Felix's tears had already soaked Diana's shirt so that her shoulder felt wet.

Diana felt something rise up the back of her throat, making her breathing shallow, but she couldn't discern what it was, her mind was too muddled. She simply rocked her brother and cradled and caressed his head.

Her eyes were wide on her parents. They lied mangled and sprawled in a pool of their own blood. The metallic scent stung her nostrils and tickled the back of her throat and she sensed the bitter stink of vomit coming from her little brother.

The pieces of the puzzle were compatible, but her mind refused to put them together.

They both sat there, paying vigil, one scarred, one stunned, both exhausted. Diana didn't know how long it took, but eventually, Felix's sobs subsided and his deep sighs tickled her shoulder, raising goosebumps that tightened her skin almost painfully.

"Where's Alice?" Diana managed, the words no louder than a sigh.

Felix's head shook from side to side from where it was buried in the crook of her neck.

Diana unglued herself from him and cradled his face in both hands. She saw the whites of his eyes in the dark as he stared down at her with a look of desperation. "Don't leave me," he croaked out, clinging to her with desperate hands.

She hushed him, stood on wobbly legs and tugged him up gently until he towered over her.

What was she to do? She was at a loss, nothing made sense anymore. There was a physical ache in her chest; she ignored it, pushed everything down, forced all semblance of emotion to the edge of her being. She needed… she needed rational thought, not sentiment.

Diana felt like she was on autopilot. She straightened out a folding chair and forced Felix onto it. One second her lips were pressed against his forehead, the next she was kneeling next to her dad.

She wanted to help them, to patch them up, to heal them, to put her goddamn skills to some fucking use!

She felt herself shaking and balled her hands into fists. Her breathing came out shaky, sobs threatening to come out while she tried her damn best to suppress them. Tears fell as soon as she shut her eyes.

No! She schooled her breathing and wiped her cheeks.

She raised her hands but didn't know what to do, where to begin, where to touch.

Sam's face was turned to the skies and his hand and Irene's were reaching towards each other. His neck and shoulder were torn and bloody, the rings of his trachea visible even in the dark of the night. Diana had to avert her eyes to compose herself to some extent. His arms were mangled like twigs; defensive wounds.

"Papá," Diana whimpered and stroked the man's warm crimson cheek with a trembling hand.

She touched her forehead to her dad's and closed her eyes. His skin was still warm, a cruel deceit. Her hand came back wet with blood no matter where she touched.

"You're back."

Diana jumped at the voice. Alice stood towering over their mother, facing her. Her face was blank, a perfect canvas. She knelt down at their mom's side while Diana examined her. The pattern of her striped shirt was wrongly interrupted by dark splatters and dragged handprints.

Alice's hand drew slowly over their mom's face as she carefully closed her eyes. Diana just stared. There was a void in her chest and it kept her from wanting to move. Her eyes followed her sister's movement languidly, then they slid over their mom's form.

Her wounds didn't differ much from her husband's, but her abdomen had been ripped open, viscera spilling out. Diana couldn't look at her any longer, she couldn't look at any of them. She refused to acknowledge any of it. None of it was real!

It started with a flood of tears, frenzied and warm down her cheeks, then her hands pulling at her hair, then her breathing became too quick and shallow too fast. The beat of her heart filled the void in her chest until it was overflowing and everything became overwhelming. She didn't know if the screaming was in her head or out her throat.

Her hands were torn away from her head, strong fingers encasing her wrists, and she was forcibly shaken. Her eyes refocused and blinked the tears away and saw Alice. Her blank canvas had been painted with tones of disappointment and something else.

"Pull your shit together," she told Diana, "before I slap you." Diana knew her sister; this was no idle threat.

Her chin trembled and her brow furrowed deeper. "Alice," she whined.

"We really don't have time for this bullshit," she hissed with another shake, "You know what happens when they're bit," her voice got thick and cracked at the end, but she cleared her throat and disregarded it.

Diana nodded minutely and Alice let go of her wrists. She felt hurt like never before, like she was being pulled into a black hole atom by atom, but she was aware that time was scarce. That much was clear to her.

She wiped her tears and snot on her shirt and nodded once again, surer. She held an unsteady hand out for the hunting knife in Alice's grip; dad's knife that she'd taken off his body just before.

"What?" the girl demanded, glaring at the proffered hand.

"Papá once said… he said…" a miserable whine escaped from the back of Diana's throat and she snapped her mouth shut to keep from crying. Her eyes burned with rising tears. She took a deep shuddering breath. "I have to do it." She moved her hand emphatically.

Alice seemed to ponder for a second whether or not to be insulted at their father's implication, but resigned and shoved the hilt of the knife onto Diana's waiting hand.

Diana's breath hitched in her throat. The knife had never felt so heavy.

A hand on her shoulder made her blink and gaze up at the source. Felix looked down at his sisters, calmer than before, but the depth of grief etched in his young features. He knelt next to them.

The message was clear, Diana might be the one to wield the knife, but she wasn't alone.

With a silence nothing short of holy, Alice and Felix held up their father's head and Diana held the tip of the blade to where his skull met his spine, her heart wrenching as she stared into her dad's dull eyes.

She dropped the knife down with a sob. She couldn't, she couldn't do it.

His hazel-green eyes were open to the skies, endlessly staring at the faint stars and the moon, their light reflecting in them. Alice's hand trembled as she closed them. Those eyes had shed tears when she was born, tears for a baby he was too afraid to hold, afraid he'd break her. Papá's little girl. That's what Diana had always been. He loved his children so dearly, had sacrificed so much for their future. It was so bitter.

If you ignored his wounds, he looked like he was sleeping, pure and simply sleeping.

Diana felt the knot in her chest tighten, the void opening wider, threatening to tip her over the edge.

A low whimper began forming in the back of her throat as her chin quivered. Why did this have to happen to Sam and Irene? She would selfishly sacrifice the rest of the remaining live population to have her family complete once more. She would cut off her own arm and leg to have them back, there was literally nothing she wouldn't do.

"Diana," Felix jolted her from her dark thoughts, and her watery eyes met his.

His shaky hand wiped the tears from her cheeks and she nodded, steeling herself.

Everything was so sudden. She knew time was of the essence, but it felt like they were going through the motions too quickly, not giving themselves time to just grieve. It was beyond fucked up, but there was nothing they could do about it, it was the new way of the world. If they didn't accept it, they would be buried under it.

Both Alice and Felix helped lift Sam's limp head off the ground once more. Diana grasped the hilt of the hunting knife with both hands and with a quick jerk buried it into the back of their dad's head.

The three released a breath in unison. It was done.

Diana combed her fingers through her mom's dark brown hair; the dye job was on its last feet. Irene had always complained about wanting to redo it. She, Diana, and Alice would always choose the next color together, it was one of their mother-daughter bonding rituals, one of many. Never again.

Felix caressed her face with a careful sweep of his hand. "I love you," he whispered, followed by a sniff. It broke Diana's heart into even smaller pieces.

Why was this happening to them? What wrong did they ever do to deserve this? Was it some cosmic consequence? Diana's mind reeled; was it any sort of equivalent exchange for the bow? She would more than willingly give it back if that was the case!

Alice and Felix held up their mom's limp head, and with a squelching sound, the blade slipped into the back of her skull.

Felix scrambled away to dry heave by a tree, his empty stomach coming up with nothing, and Alice joined his side, kneeling down to rub his back as he sobbed.

Diana couldn't move, could barely breathe, her legs were numb from sitting on them but she remained still, limp hands on her lap, the knife had long slipped from her grasp.

When Felix's stomach settled, they joined her. The three sat by their parents' side, unmoving, unspeaking until dawn rose. The new day felt more like the beginning of a new nightmare or the continuation of one, other than a symbol of hope. The red sky was a waving flag, telling of the bloodshed that had occurred that night.

Glenn wandered into their camp just as the first rays hit them, worried off his cap. The shock from the sight made its way to his features; he looked as pale as a sheet. He'd lost part of his family again that night.

He knelt with them, head bowed in respect, not a word escaping his lips. His arm came around Alice, who not very surprisingly accepted the comfort and even leaned into him. He shared a look with Diana and gave her a small nod, which she returned.

His appearance made something start ticking again inside her. She turned to Felix, who had been loosely grasping their mother's hand with a distance in his eyes, and she put an arm around him.

The boy jolted and faced her, his eyes no longer glossy. Diana mustered the smallest smile and rested her head on his shoulder. She felt his cheek rest against the top of her head in the next second, and his arm was fast around her.

They didn't stay like that for long before Alice stood up, detangling herself from Glenn, heaving a great sigh.

Glenn stared up at her, confounded at her suddenness. He spoke his first words since joining them, "Where are you going?"

"I can't just sit here, I can't just-" She bent down and took the knife from Diana's lap. "I gotta do something." She shifted awkwardly, passing the blade from hand to hand, her knuckles white around the hilt each time. "I'll carve their names, for the- for the… graves."

Alice didn't like dwelling on things for long, that's how she'd always been. Dwelling meant darker and darker thoughts would infiltrate her mind, and she'd only struggle more to be set free.

Diana nodded once, understanding. Alice took a glance at the bodies of the people that she loved unconditionally, pressed her lips together, steeled herself, and turned on her heel.

Diana looked around. She didn't know what came next. She didn't know how to navigate in the world without her parents' guidance. She had always counted on them for everything, and had thought she'd be able to do so for many more years to come, even with the fucking apocalypse sprung on their asses, even with the close encounters they'd had, even after the multiple discussions that had ensued from approaching such subjects.

She had naively continued to think that her parents would die of old age and would be there to see her and Alice and Felix grow into their desired lives, not a care in the world.

God, how much more stupid could she get?

Diana felt her eyes well up again, her heart clenching in her chest like someone was trying to fit it through the eye of a needle.

What if she had stayed? What if she'd run a little faster? What if she wasn't a selfish, stubborn asshole who didn't know when to stay put or swallow her pride? It seemed her thoughts consisted only of 'what ifs'.

She'd told herself she would beg for her mother and father's forgiveness as soon as she came back. Well, now there was no one to beg to, and the guilt was still all there, bubbled up inside her like an overinflated balloon. She felt like screaming, fucking yell at the world, the universe, God, whoever was listening, to either kill her off as well or go fuck themselves, one of both.

"I wanna help," Glenn interrupted, thankfully – Diana was dangerously close to the edge, if not already tipping over. He glanced at her and Felix. "I'll help you whatever way I can, just tell me what you wanna do."

Diana nodded, forever grateful. She looked at Felix, whose head had come to rest on her shoulder, his eyes shut from exhaustion. She buried her own selfish guilt and focused on doing what she did best: care for others.

"Hey, baby brother," she cooed. Even though she knew Felix detested being addressed as so, he didn't protest it this time. "It's gonna be okay," she said. She caught Glenn's downcast gaze and said, to both, and a little bit to herself, "You're not alone. We're not alone."

She took a deep breath, the cogs in her brain turning and turning for some sort of comfort to spew out. Felix raised his head, took her hands and squeezed them. He shook his head minutely and said, "Not today." He stood and towered over her. "It's too soon."

Diana nodded with understanding. He needed time. So did she. She took his extended hand and stood as well.

Glenn joined their side, a hand on Diana's back, rubbing circles. She shuddered a sigh and feathered her knuckles over Felix's cheek. "Go to Alice. Keep each other company."

"Why? I wanna be here," he protested.

"I just thought… you wouldn't want to see them like this."

Felix glanced downwards, his chin quivering just slightly, but he shook his head. "It's mom and dad," he said, firmly, "I won't abandon them now."

"You wouldn't be abandoning them," Diana insisted. She knew the trauma might only add to his fear of death, she wanted to spare him that.

Felix's fists clenched until the knuckles cracked. "I'm staying."

Diana nodded in consent.

Glenn left soon after, promising to return as quick as possible. Diana hugged him tight before he was gone. No words were exchanged, but the sentiment was understood.

She watched him leave and made a mental list of the things they'd need. There was that objectivity again, helping her bury those overwhelming feelings beneath almost professional levelheadedness.

She rubbed her hands down her face, pressing the pads of her fingers down on her eyes until she saw stars and swirls. With a deep breath, she told Felix to take a basin and gather some water from the lake.

Diana bent down to collect her bow on her way to her parents' tent. The bow was silent and unresponsive, perhaps mimicking her.

Once inside, she threw it onto her parents' sleeping bag and knelt by their baggage. She rummaged through it and carefully picked out the items she sought. She didn't think of the connotations behind what she was doing, she only did it.

With arms full, she ducked back outside, morning sun blinding her from its low position on the horizon. She turned her back on it and returned to mom and dad. Felix was back, a bowl of water set down next to him.

Diana took over the washing, using an old sleeping shirt of hers to clean away drying blood from their skin. She dressed the visible wounds on their necks, unworried with wasting resources on this matter.

With Felix's hesitant help, she began dressing them both in dark long sleeved shirts, covering blood stains and hiding brutal gore from sight. Poor Felix began dry heaving halfway through but still refused to leave them.

Diana breathed shallowly, wincing as she grabbed her mother's fleshless arm and slipped it through the sleeve. She tried to imagine a whole other scenario, just putting herself out of that situation to keep from breaking down.

While Felix was off to the side, now sobbing, she pulled the shirt down over Irene's torso, the one underneath soaked through with crimson. She tried to overlook the irregular shaped bulge on her mom's abdomen, but the bit of gut peaking from the side caused her to gag and immediately feel guilty about it. This was her mother, she should not be feeling disgusted, even under these circumstances. It would cheapen Irene's last moments, her courage; everything she did had been to keep her children safe. The same could be said about Samuel.

Diana chided herself. Felix plopped back down next to them, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand. She asked him if he was okay and the boy merely nodded, sweat beaded on his brow and lips chapped with dehydration.

He took the jewelry she had brought and put it on Irene. He clasped the golden chain around her neck, a gold plate engraved with a picture of Diana, Felix, and Alice when they were younger was the only adornment. Felix pressed it against Irene's chest.

Diana combed her mother's hair and put on her ears the diamond earrings Diana had bought for her last birthday on behalf of her children.

In the meantime, Felix took Sam's crucifix by the clasp and brought the ends together at the back of his dad's neck. His long finger followed the path of the cross before tucking it under his shirt.

Glenn appeared with light steps, as to not intrude, and crouched by Diana's side. "Hey, I uh- I got these from Lori, she sends her condolences." He laid a couple of folded white sheets next to her.

Diana scoffed lightly at his words while dabbing the shirt on some leftover blood on Sam's neck and face. She saw Glenn flinch. Before he could stand up to leave, she grabbed him by the wrist and held him in place.

She sighed dejectedly and looked up at his face, his insecurity showing. "I'm- I'm sorry. It wasn't directed at you." She looked away for a second, feeling slightly overwhelmed with gratitude for her friend. She was thankful to have him, and didn't want to scare him off by being a bitch. "Thank you," she said, staring into his brown eyes, hoping to convey without words how much he and everything he did meant to her.

Glenn's lips pulled into a small smile, and he pulled her in to kiss her forehead. "I'm here. Alice, Felix, and you, you have me, and the rest of the survivors. We're… we're a family. People are worried." He ruffled her hair. "I know it doesn't stop the pain, but know that you're not alone."

Diana managed a sliver of a smile, moved at his words. Her eyes prickled with tears of ambiguous nature and her chest clenched painfully. She nodded at him.

"We're uh- we're making the rounds, burying our people..." He let the proposal hang unsaid, raising his brow.

Diana looked at Felix, who had Irene's hand in his own and was caressing it lovingly while gazing down at the woman.

"We need a little more time," she whispered and Glenn consented. With a final gentle smile, he stood and left.

oOo

Alice reappeared about the time they were finished. She told them how she had gone and chosen the grave with the best view of the lake so that Sam and Irene's final resting place could be a place of beauty, and only good memories could be called upon when visiting them.

Because Diana would make sure they'd be able to visit, even if they lived all the way across the country and the place was overrun.

The three steeled themselves for the farewell. To the people who had raised them and loved them to the best of their ability. To the two people who had lived through great sacrifices just for their sakes. The people whose last sacrifice had been to ensure all others hadn't been in vain.

Diana kissed each on the forehead, each one full of regret, but outweighed by love and tenderness. The last kiss she would ever give them before they were gone forever. How she wished they could kiss her back, hold and comfort her.

Felix followed her example and planted one on their cheeks, tears slipping from his shut eyes, his brow furrowed in pain.

Alice demanded her brother and sister to look away, so Diana had no idea what her last gesture towards their parents had been. But she could swear she'd heard her whisper something.

Then, they wrapped them in the sheets with all the care in the world, brushing away stray dirt and flattening out the extra wrinkles.

Alice showed them the name plaques she had carved. She had marched into camp and had smashed a wooden crate to collect the best pieces of clean wood for them. Then, on them, she had carved: 'Irene Luisa García de Oliveira Lobo', the name of a great and proud woman, and, 'Samuel Ravi Lobo', the powerful name of a loving man of few words.

She had carved crude geometrical hearts at the beginning of their names, and the little detail made Diana's breath hitch in her throat.

Glenn made his next appearance shortly after, accompanied by Daryl's pick-up truck and the man himself. The three children took over the task of raising them onto the bed of the vehicle, not giving anyone else the chance to touch Sam and Irene. This was their job and theirs alone.

They rode on the back with them, up to where fresh graves had been dug on the place Sam had taught them self-defense. Memories were etched into every blade of grass and speck of dirt. It was rubbing salt into the wound to bury them in a place where they had made plans for the future, where they'd had spent so much time, having wholesome family fun, sometimes even seriously beating each other up, but always with a clear objective in mind: survival.

It was enough to make one bitter.

Alice, Felix, and Diana lowered their mother and father into their assigned grave, the hole just big enough to fit them both abreast. The weight of their limp bodies was nothing compared to the weight in their souls. Diana felt decades older.

They shoveled dirt with their bare hands onto the two featureless figures, every scoop making the two people who loved them and whom they loved unconditionally disappear from their world just like that.

And just like that they were no longer there, would no longer joke and laugh with them. No more Irene spontaneously bursting into song and dance, enticing them into joining her, no more of Sam's random crushing hugs and pokes to their sides, which he knew annoyed them, no more loving parents making snarky remarks about their childish dependency on them.

Oh, how right they'd been about that, and how they wished they didn't have to find out so soon.

There were no tears shed, only vacant eyes and hollow chests and deaf ears to the empty sentiments of others.

'They were good people', 'they'll be missed', 'I'm sorry for your loss', it all meant shit to them coming from strangers. But Diana said her downtrodden 'thank you's for the three of them and internally told them to fuck off.

Alice didn't bother internalizing such thoughts and made them known both verbally and nonverbally, and Diana couldn't reprimand her for it.

Felix said nothing at all, ignoring everyone who offered him their condolences and flinching away from any unfamiliar hands that attempted comfort; he didn't care what people thought of his rudeness, they would just sum it up to grief.

The smell of burning flesh stung their noses, and the sun's heat was sweltering, raising beads of sweat that ran down their skin as soon as they appeared.

Once they were the last ones left standing in that makeshift graveyard, Diana stared down at the plaques Alice had laid by the head of the grave.

There they were, just three more motherless and fatherless kids, just three more orphans in this unforgiving world.

Diana broke the silence with a hoarse voice, "Remember what they said when this all started? 'We're lobos, we stick together' …"

"… 'we're not each other's weakness …" Alice continued.

"… 'we're each other's strength.'," finalized Felix.


I'm sorry?

I know y'all saw this coming… It's time to get the safety blanket off these kids and throw them out into the real world to fend for themselves. Why not break their hearts in the process?

I'm actually really sad about this because Sam and Irene were such cool parents and I loved writing them, but it was necessary for character development, so, again, I'm sorry.

Whatever comes next for them, just remember, people grieve in different ways and I want to portray that with them three.

PLEASE DON'T FORGET TO LEAVE A COMMENT OR SUBSCRIBE! I'D REALLY APPRECIATE THE SHOW OF LOVE AND SUPPORT! LOVE YOU!