when are the bad times gonna stop
oOo
The light of dawn shone on Diana, Alice, and Felix as they said their goodbyes at the graveside. They didn't cry this time, trying to stay strong for the sake of their parents' memory.
Now they stood next to the other survivors. Daryl had glued himself to Diana's side as soon as they came down. He'd tucked a bright red poppy behind her ear with only a meaningful look and helped carry their packs. Her heart had fluttered a little at that moment, something stirring in her otherwise almost numb chest. Maybe she was just oversensitive because of what had happened in her tent the day before.
Now, he was by her side, sneaking glances and chewing on his fingernail like a child.
She adjusted the flower behind her ear and vaguely listened as Shane gave instructions on how to stay in contact with each other throughout their journey. He and Rick looked and sounded like the professionals they were, drilling them about procedures they'd have to follow in case of adversity. Rick's sheriff outfit only made him look more credible.
Shane's asked the group if there were any questions. An atmosphere of consensus reigned.
Morales shared a now-or-never look with his wife and spoke up, "We're, uh… We're… we're not going." Miranda followed up by saying that they had family in Birmingham, wherever that may be, and that they wanted to be with their people.
"Don't we all," Alice whispered almost bitterly, and Diana squeezed her upper arm in a soothing manner. For all they knew, her Godmother was still alive somewhere, although searching for her would be nothing more than a wild goose chase.
In a feat of comradery and goodwill, Rick and Shane provided Morales with a pistol and a half-full box of ammo, all they could spare. That seemed to upset Daryl, since he'd been adamant from the very beginning about throwing guns around like confetti.
He sneered and paced and chewed on his fingernail. Diana tapped his arm once he stepped closer to her. "Stop doing that, it's not good for you. And it's making me anxious."
He looked at her and stopped for only a moment before he got distracted and started again. It wasn't a habit of his, he must've been nervous.
Diana pulled him back to her side and grabbed hold of his hand, intertwining their fingers and effectively stopping the fidgeting. His grip tightened and it made her inhale sharply, but she kept her eyes forcefully forward.
They only let go of each other once the Morales family came to say their farewell and wish her and the kids good luck in their pursuit of answers and everything else. Diana mimicked a similar sentiment back at them and was thankful that they didn't broach the subject of their parents. They'd already heard enough condolences.
She managed a small smile when Alice hugged the two kids goodbye. She'd been fond of them, despite her claim that she disliked any person past the age of five. She used to brag about how intelligent they were when she came home after tutoring, and how much more intelligent they'd grow once she'd be able to teach them more complex materials.
As a parting gift, Louis gave Felix a Pokémon card he'd taken a particular, almost envious liking to – a first edition, holographic Mew card. Felix's brows were pulled halfway up his forehead in pleasant surprise and disbelief. The younger boy smiled toothily and hugged Felix around his middle, thanking him for playing with him and being nice to him.
Diana saw Miranda turn away while wiping tears from her eyes. As she'd heard it, the boy had been a victim of bullying because of his stuttering before this all started, which had made Felix's friendship all the more valuable to him and his parents.
Other survivors announced that they also wouldn't be traveling with them. Some also leaving to go to their people, and some of them even preferring to stay in the Quarry than confronting more of what out there. It was foolish, but Diana didn't judge their choice; they were scared, and there was no real guarantee that the CDC would be the haven she'd hoped it was.
The rest was dividing into groups, deciding who would hitch a ride with whom. Daryl pulled Diana back gently. "Y'all can ride with me," he offered, nodding at Merle's – now his – truck.
She shook her head. "I'mma ride in the RV, you know, to look after Jim." Daryl nodded comprehensively and Diana added, "But you can take the kids with you, if you don't mind. I don't want them to see Jim like that, and I need them to be with someone I trust."
"I'm okay with that," Alice commented, interrupting her silent conversation with her brother. Then she turned to Daryl, tilting her head as if to ask if he was okay with that.
He nodded once more, the corner of his lip tilting up with unexpected fondness at the two teens. "Sure," he said.
Alice nodded back, settling it. "Then that's that," she affirmed, then waved at her sister. "You're dismissed. Go ride the bore-wagon while us cool kids take the funmobile." Her earnest tone and deadpan face made Diana huff out the beginning of a chuckle with a small smile. It warmed her chest.
She shook her head good-naturedly and lifted her hands in surrender. Something familiar in her urged her to answer with playful banter, but she lacked the emotional energy for that. So she responded with a simple, "Fine, I'm going, I'm going."
She looked at Daryl, whose baby blue eyes were already on her, soft and undemanding. She dropped her gaze and fixed a button on his shirt, letting her hands linger. "Be careful, okay?"
"I think we better dismiss ourselves, bro," Alice whispered to Felix in their native language, and both left. Diana watched them go, brow furrowed in confusion at her sister's statement.
"I will," Daryl responded, bringing her back. "Ain't gotta worry about that."
oOo
Diana climbed into the RV and dropped her backpack at the entrance and hung her still strangely silent bow on a coat hanger on the wall. Glenn turned around in the passenger's seat and frowned at her. "You okay, Dee?"
She thinned her lips and nodded wordlessly, humming the response in the back of her throat. But she didn't feel all that well. She'd had a slight shortness of breath a few moments prior that left her head feeling light and dizzy, and her face was flushed. She summed it up to the stifling and humid weather.
She fanned herself with her hand and dragged her backpack to the back. She greeted Jacqui and Jim with a nod.
With the start of the RV, Jim flinched and hissed in pain, beads of sweat rolling down his face, and Jacqui pressed a wet cloth to his skin, dabbing gently. Diana took a seat next to the woman and rubbed her back with a gentle smile, thanking her for what she was doing.
Jacqui was a kindhearted and thoughtful woman, who'd often come around during Diana's "office hours" just to bring her something to drink or a snack she had stashed somewhere. She smiled back, tears in her eyes, which rolled down her cheeks when she blinked.
They were driving out of the Quarry now. Diana stood and glued herself to the rear window, her breath fogging up the glass. Her heart grew heavy as the distance grew. She imagined she could see her parents standing there, holding each other, waving her goodbye. They cried and so did she.
Her eyes prickled and the tears distorted her vision, her chin quivered and her throat hurt. Her hand balled into a fist on the glass, futilely trying to grab onto that mirage before she blinked and they disappeared.
She wished Alice and Felix were by her side.
She sat back down once the Quarry was out of sight, and she sobbed into her hands, shoulders shaking, breath gasping, throat hurting, heart wringing. Then hands rubbing her back, voices whispering comfort, someone rocking her against their chest.
They were gone.
They were gone.
oOo
"Here." Jacqui passed Diana a glass of water, which she accepted and brought to Jim's lips, helping him take small sips. The man was in too much pain to do so. He had already refused any more painkillers and the only thing he could keep down was water.
She honestly didn't know which was the better evil; to die slowly from a burning fever and tremendous pain or to be eaten alive, bleeding out, knowing your children were watching your ill-fated demise.
Diana swallowed thickly, fighting off new tears and remembering her parents the way they were before. Happy and smiling, not perfect but always striving for it. She closed her eyes and thought only of happy memories.
Movie nights, with tangled limbs and dad's light snoring. Sleepy Sunday breakfasts, with chocolate croissants, the smell of black coffee, and heartfelt laughter. More recently, Sam and Irene dancing by the light of the fire, completely in love, Alice singing slow songs.
It was bittersweet, sure, but memories were all she had now, and she would make sure that her image of them would always remain that way.
The RV started sputtering to a stop and she opened her eyes, puzzled. She heard Dale say, "Oh no."
He and Glenn climbed out to check out whatever damage had caused them to stop and Diana saw the rest of the vehicles stopping near them. She stood and turned to Jacqui. "Watch over Jim, please, Jacqui? I gotta go check on my kids."
"Sure, honey." She nodded with a knowing sad smile and accepted the glass off her hands.
Diana granted the woman her previous seat and climbed out of the RV. Dale and Rick were taking a look at the smoking insides of the vehicle and she heard them say something about a hose that was more duct tape than anything else. Nothing she could help with there.
She saw Daryl approach the RV, his crossbow in hand, and Felix and Alice following him. They seemed to have taken his lead, Felix with his birthday bat hanging at his side and Alice with her hand on the hilt of their dad's knife that she'd strapped to her hip.
They looked native to this world, sad as it was, but it gave Diana hope that they would thrive in it despite its setbacks.
Felix's eyes were swollen, his lips tugged downward, and a pronounced wrinkle had settled deep between Alice's eyebrows, and Diana just knew. It hurt that she hadn't been there for them.
"You okay?" she asked all three and they all answered with a synchronized nod. It made her lip curl fondly.
"You?" Daryl asked back, and Diana shrugged noncommittedly. There wasn't much to be said that wouldn't turn on the waterworks, so better not to say anything at all.
Jacqui rushed out of the RV, dragging everyone's attention to her. "Y'all, Jim… It's bad. I don't think he can take anymore."
Unsurprisingly, many turned to Rick. It had, after all, been his idea to bring Jim to the CDC. He climbed into the RV.
While they waited, Diana felt a hand wrap around hers. She looked down at it and then up at Felix. His gaze was directed at his feet, his lower lip pouting a little and trembling. A fist clenched around her heart. She squeezed his hand and hugged his arm, resting her head against his shoulder.
She looked up at him once the knot in her throat allowed her to speak. Her smile was wavering, but it held. "It'll be okay," she whispered. A thousand words run through her mind, but the only thing that came out was, "We'll be okay."
Rick came back, interrupting the moment, to tell them what she already knew; that Jim was too sick to make the journey, that his wish was to die in peace, not to be a "burden" on so many people.
"Back in the camp, when I said Daryl might be right and you shut me down, you misunderstood, Rick," Dale said, "I would never go along with callously killing a man. I was just gonna suggest that we ask Jim what he wants. And now I think we have an answer."
Shane rubbed his head and sighed. "We just leave him here? We take off? Man, I'm not sure I could live with that."
Alice piped in, "That's not your decision to make."
Lori gestured at her. "She's right."
They fell silent.
After unanimous agreement to fulfill Jim's wishes, delirious or not, Rick and Shane carried the man out of the RV. With an arm around each man, Jim was brought up the hill on the roadside and sat up against a tree. The canopy rustled in the slight breeze in a peaceful manner.
Jim groaned in pain and Diana winced, feeling sorry for him.
Once he was comfortable enough, Jacqui approached him first and kissed his cheek. The people began saying their farewells. Diana sent the kids away, wanting to spare them this sadness. She knew Jim would understand.
She let herself be last. Jim beckoned her closer, then grabbed her wrist and whispered hoarsely, "I'll let them know what you did for me."
Diana nodded without a word. She stood and retreated with a dull ache in her chest, hand rubbing against her wrist, where Jim's feverish skin had almost burned hers.
She glanced at him over her shoulder as she descended the hill, his eyes closed and head leaned against the trunk of the tree, in that moment, his features were free of pain. This was a man's life gone down the drain because of a small bite.
It had been her parents' lives wasted because they'd been at the wrong place at the wrong time.
Daryl had stayed behind, waiting for her. He fell into step with her wordlessly, until they reached the base of the hill.
"You mind the kids staying with you?" she asked tiredly. The RV smelled of sweat, sick and the imminence of death, she didn't want them to suffer through that.
Daryl shook his head. He reached for her and fixed the poppy above her ear, his fingers grazing ever so faintly against her skin. Diana averted her eyes and cleared her throat. There was that shortness of breath again.
He left and she watched him go. The kids had waited for him outside of the truck. She waved at them, and only Felix waved back, Alice flipped her the bird, but that hadn't been shocking to her in a long time. Diana smiled with a sigh.
Jim had said that she'd been his hope, well, then Diana's was her brother and sister. She would live for them, and as long as they were in this world, she would fight for them with everything she had.
oOo
The ride had been long and exhausting but they'd finally arrived.
The worse part of it was when Diana discovered a red stain on her underwear while on the toilet. She sincerely hoped that the place had some tampons, but for now rolled up toilet paper would have to suffice.
Dale announced their arrival less enthusiastically than she'd expected, but it was understandable considering the circumstances.
Diana put her backpack on and grabbed her bow off the coat hook. It was humming strongly now; she could almost feel it in her chest. "It's okay," Diana whispered, as if it were sentient, "It ain't your fault, I know that." Funny how she could say that but still blame herself.
They climbed out, one by one, and Diana almost couldn't believe what she was seeing.
Hundreds of inert bodies everywhere she set her eye. In the grim evening light, it looked like something out of a horror movie. The CDC compound set off grandly in the near distance, the landmark of their achievement, the beacon of their near triumph. But the sight of it amongst the decadence didn't inspire much confidence in her. Many of the walkers were donning military uniforms, that was everything but a good sign.
Diana saw her siblings hop off the truck and almost glided to them. Alice mouthed holy shit, wide hazel eyes taking in their surroundings.
Felix whispered, "Not gonna lie, I'm kinda really scared right now, Diana." He grabbed onto her upper arm, his grip tight and trembling, just as his towering form. She was more or less desensitized to them, having seen worse in Atlanta, but Felix's fear was justified, especially because of… Yeah, it was normal.
They all moved as a single unit, keeping together and keeping the children in the middle.
Diana sidestepped a woman with a caved-in face, maggots crawling in and out of the indistinguishable features. The sight and the stink emanating from her was rank enough to make her gag against her hand. It smelled like rotten fish mixed with bad eggs and stomach contents. It made her eyes water and her lungs burn with the need for fresh air.
As they walked deeper into the massacre, fat disease infested buzzards flew at them like crazy. Diana waved her bow around to keep them off her and Felix, her other arm still in the boy's tight grip.
"I swear, these things are driving me nuts," Alice hissed as she joined Felix's other side. Diana immediately shushed her. "Oh, shush yourself, these binches are all dead."
Diana whispered, "Better safe than sorry."
"Good thing I'm never sorry," Alice murmured to herself, hand striking the air around her head.
Once they passed the security check booth, they hurried their pace, Rick instructing them to keep moving, low and alert.
The ambiance was too eerie. The silence accompanied only by the buzz of the flies was disquieting, foreboding, fucking creepy.
Alice put a hand on little Sophia's back to help the girl move along. Carol tightened her grip around her daughter's shoulders and both ran ahead.
"C'mon, move along now."
"Keep moving, keep quiet."
They reached the shutters at the front entrance with hearts pounding with fear and adrenaline. Rick and Shane tried to get them open, rushing, trying to pry them open, pull them up, whatever got them inside quickly.
The others paced and jittered and shuffled in distress.
"There's nobody here," T-Dog hissed, eyes jumping from the inanimate walkers surrounding them to Rick, and back.
"Then why are these shutters down?" Rick defended. He became growing desperate, hands roaming over every crevice of the shutters, trying to find a weakness.
Diana startled when she saw it, heart beating out of her chest. "There's a camera, guys, there's a camera. Hey!" She let go of Felix and waved her arms over her head, looking straight into the lens.
"That thing's dead, there's no one inside. Diana, keep it down," Shane said, dragging her away by the arm.
"Walkers," Daryl called, and everyone was on their toes immediately. Daryl shot one in cammo greens, but many more were standing up and dragging themselves towards them, awakened by their fresh smell.
They were sitting ducks, a perfect trap for a meal.
She felt her insides tremble until it was noticeable in her hands. "Keep close to me, alright?" Diana dragged Alice and Felix behind her and joined the offense line. Shots rang alongside the silent release of her arrows. She didn't hit nearly as many as she'd hoped.
A stab in her lower abdomen caused her to double over in pain. For a vague moment, she wondered if the walkers could smell her blood, which only increased her panic.
She rubbed a hand over her belly and retreated to her siblings. "It's okay, we're gonna be okay," she said, straining a smile. She stroked Felix's cheek, his eyes wide and frightened, as he grabbed onto her wrist with a vice grip. Alice's eyes jumped from body to body on the ground, keeping alert to any rising threat, but the tenseness in her body spoke of her anxiety.
Glenn grabbed her by the arm and yelled, "Diana, let's go. We're leaving!" Daryl ushered the kids, putting himself between them and the oncoming walkers.
She'd desperately wanted this to be it, she'd needed that. After what happened, she needed explanations, had questions that needed answers, and now, that too had been taken away.
Diana took one last glance over her shoulder. In that second, she saw the surveillance camera move, the lens now pointing directly at them. She felt something lift in her. With a deep breath, she called out, "It moved! Rick, the camera moved!"
Rick had seen it too. He ripped himself away from Shane's grasp and started banging on the shutters, begging at whoever was behind the monitor to let them in. "Please, we're desperate," he cried, "Please help us. We have women, children, no food, hardly any gas left."
No response came.
Rick kept at it relentlessly. "You're killing us! You're killing us!" he yelled. Shane fought to drag him away, his shouting only alerting more walkers to them.
Diana wiped her eyes with the back of her hand when Felix stepped to her side, grabbing the back of her top, bunching up the fabric in his fist. "We're gonna be okay," she repeated, even if it felt more and more like a lie.
To Alice, who had stayed by Daryl's side, Diana gave a wavering smile, and the girl raised a clenched fist. 'Fight', she mouthed, 'Win'. Diana returned the gesture.
Among the shouting and the terror and confusion, the mechanical sound of the shutters rolling up was loud and clear, and their darkening world was suddenly bathed in white light.
hope you liked this chapter
i'm kinda sleep deprived rn
pls comment and stuff, thanx
