Thank you so much for your patience omg, I hit a major writer's block with this chapter which made me spiral deep into procrastination. but it's here now!
I wanna thank all the lovely people that take time to leave a comment, a special shout-out to Stellar Spirit and Golden bby, lysm. It seriously makes my day to read them.
Also how amazing is Love Yourself: Tear? every single track? amazing! omg i die every time... shout out to all BTS stans reading this!
oOo
"You know, I don't think it'd be a bad idea to head up north," Diana propositioned, helping Daryl unload Merle's motorbike from the pick-up truck.
The verdict had come out that Fort Benning would be their next destination; their fight against the lack of resources would be fought on the road, collecting and scavenging as they went. It was the best they could come up with, apparently, and Diana didn't know enough about American geography or its wildlife to suggest otherwise. She just knew that cold weather probably meant zombie inactivity.
She wiped the sweat from her brow on her forearm, feeling grimy and unclean. She squinted against the sun's glare on the bike's metal and admired how good Daryl looked sitting on it, streaked with dirt and glistening with sweat. Everything about him exuded a bad boy vibe, which had never really been Diana's thing, unless they had a secret heart of gold.
"Why north?" he asked, breaking off her staring, balancing himself before starting the engine. He squinted equally up at her against the sunlight and she moved to cover his face with her shadow. He swiped his stubbled cheek with the back of his hand and left behind a spot of soil. There was almost no visible inch of his skin that wasn't coated in either motor oil or dirt or whatever else. Boi really needed a shower.
Diana ran a hand over the high handle, the leather warmed by the sun, and shrugged. "I mean, think about it, the walkers' circulation's probably inexistent, so there's no warm blood pumping through them keeping them warm. They'd freeze like a popsicle. A really disgusting one."
Daryl tilted his head to the side in agreement, ignoring her last statement, then added, "The trip alone would suck us dry, we ain't got enough fuel or food for that kinda travel."
Diana conceded with a reluctant nod. "Yeah… you're right. Worth the thought, though." She cracked her knuckles against her hip. "How long till Fort Benning, you think?"
"If we don't run into trouble? 2 to 3 hours, max."
"I hope we don't run into trouble, my cramps are killing my back," Diana sighed, digging her fingers into the sore muscles of the small of her back.
Daryl grabbed her by the hips, casually almost causing heart failure and making her temperature rise a thousand degrees while cold sweat broke out at her hairline. He pulled her to his sitting self while pivoting her so her back was to him. His fingers rose above the hem of her jeans and Diana swallowed heavily, her breath coming quick and shallow.
He secured her there while his thumbs began massaging the small of her back, right between her back dimples. She just bent slightly forward at the waist, leaning onto the high handle in front of her, brow pulled into a concentrated frown as she focused on ignoring the goosebumps and chills, and on not tensing up her body.
The pressured prodding and the kneading motions had her almost rocking where she was standing, a satisfied sigh escaping her lips. He stopped almost immediately, pulling away like she was on fire.
"Oh my goodness, thank you," she breathed once he stopped and she stepped away to face him. "Remind me to pay you back sometime, man." Keep it cool. Casual. Completely unbothered.
"S'alright," he said curtly, turning his head away from her. Diana frowned at the detached reaction, so very contradictory.
Silence fell between them and Diana walked with him as he rode the bike back to their people. She told him to be careful on the road and the only response was a nod, no eye contact. Something about his behavior made her belly grow cold with anxiety, which she tried to drown out with thoughts of a more important subject.
The kids were sitting on the front step of the RV, confined to continue riding in it, considering that they would be disposing of the pick-up.
Alice nodded at her approach and Felix's head lifted from her shoulder. "Did you ask him?" They'd been the ones to suggest that she ask Daryl about going north. Not out of disrespect towards Rick or Shane but rather not to question their authority when the decision had already been made and agreed upon on all sides.
Diana nodded and glanced over her shoulder at the man in question, a slight groove growing between her brows at their parting situation. "Yeah, I did."
"And? Damn binch, do I gotta beat it out of you?"
Diana raised her brows to signal for her to have patience. "He thinks it'd be a good idea if we weren't so freaking dirt poor on resources right now. So that's the death of that dream…"
"Even when you've lost it all, the world still enjoys reminding you there's so much more you have left to lose," Felix remarked, casually philosophical, gaining surprised looks from both his sisters. "It's from a game."
oOo
Sitting in a circle on the floor at the back of the RV, Diana, Felix, Alice, and Glenn were in the middle of a full-scale UNO scandal; Diana had won round after round after round, up to their current seventh play. Alice had accused her of cheating, of peeking while shuffling and dealing the cards, while Felix pettily took her side, finding it impossible for their sister's luck to have turned so squarely when she had never won a game before.
Glenn defended her fiercely while Diana ducked behind him and made play after play of the best cards in the deck.
"Stop throwing +4s at my ass, Dee, I got children to feed!" Felix complained, holding his cards close to his chest and narrowed eyes on his fellow players as he retrieved four cards from the deck. "I swear…" he mumbled.
Alice fanned herself with her handful and raised a brow with pursed lips. "Life ain't easy for us, bruh, if only I could pay a renda da casa with these," she continued the anecdote with a life-weary sigh.
"The what now?" Glenn asked, pausing in his turn to frown at the girl in confusion. Diana quietly mumbled 'the rent' from behind her double +2s. Glenn thanked her, then smirked. "In that case, let me help you out, old friend."
Alice's hazel eyes grew wide, then narrowed at him, her fanning coming to a stop. "You wouldn't."
"Oh, but I would if it was my only play." His fingers trailed over the top of his cards until they pinched the one in the very middle and pulled it out dramatically slow.
John Boyega's Finn on the remaining +4 card of the deck stared back at Alice, who waved her fist at it and hissed out, "My son, how could you betray me like this?"
In the meanwhile, Felix folded his cards and hit them against his forehead. "We gotta start playing something else, UNO's gonna make me lose my fucking mind." He put his cards in, clearly defeated and not feeling up for more. "I miss my PlayStation and Fortnite."
"You and me both, man," Glenn said with a shake of his head, throwing his cards in as well. The conversation deviated towards gaming, so Alice and Diana tuned out, being the casual gamers they were.
Diana collected the entire deck and pulled the elastic band over it before tucking it into her messenger bag. The entire time, Alice's eyes were on her, brow furrowed.
"Something's up. Spill," she said upon her sister's second sigh in the span of time it had taken her to complete the task. "It's suspicious how quiet you've been. You sigh one more time, I'mma rip your lungs out, don't test me."
She almost did it once again but stopped herself at her sister's threatening pointed gaze and twitching hand. Instead, she rubbed her eyes with the tips of her fingers and down her face, pulling at her cheeks. "It's too many damn things on my mind, don't worry," she excused.
Her eyes found Shane's shortly as he and Andrea conversed over the guns at the table. She assumed he wanted to move on from Lori and was scouting Andrea as a potential rebound. Immoral, really, all things considered, but she was only assuming.
Fingers with chipped glittery nail polish snapped in front of her face and Diana startled, pulling her gaze back to her sister's annoyed one. "Binch, I'm talking to you," she sighed in exasperation, "I'm over here, willing to listen to your problems, and you're off ignoring me… The blatant disrespect, an outrage, never in my life have I been-"
"I was thinking about Jacqui…" she admitted a half-truth. While the woman's absence had been on her mind, it hadn't been the most pressing subject.
She glanced at T-Dog sitting on the passenger's seat, map and walkie-talkie in hand, and remembered his quiet grief.
Diana waited a few seconds and then leaned into her sister, whispering, "If I'd known she'd been planning on staying behind I might've… tried talking to her, I don't know. All I thought about was getting you out of there, I didn't even look back. I didn't even notice Dale and Andrea weren't with us until I saw them walk outta there."
Alice lifted a stiff shoulder. "That was her own choice, Diana, you couldn't take that away from her." Her eyes were both hard and soft, empathy for the lost woman in them. "You think the others didn't try to persuade her? That he didn't?" she asked, gesturing with her head at T. "You said it yourself, no other person should decide if someone lives or dies. You wanted to live. Jacqui decided to die," as an afterthought, she added, "That's not your fault. Don't martyrize yourself, it's pointless and annoying."
Diana nodded in return, grateful to her sister for talking her down, removing a seemingly unnecessary burden off her shoulders.
"Oh, jeez," Dale called out from the front, raising everyone's attention. The RV slowed to a stop and the engine of Daryl's bike was heard approaching. They all stood and piled to the front, where they could see a mess of abandoned cars and trucks blocking much of the highway, some damaged and overturned in the aftermath of a massive scale chain-reaction traffic accident.
Daryl led the way, showing them where there was enough space for the RV to weave through.
It was disturbing to look at the outside world; Diana hadn't seen such devastation since they first were made witnesses of this new world, on that highway about a month ago. It seemed like a lifetime had passed since then. Everything was darker now, though; there was something missing.
Trash was strewn about, cars' paint jobs were faded from the elements and partially white with bird droppings. The smell of decay was heavy in the air, overwhelming all other odors. Paying close attention, you could see some of the dead still inside their vehicles, in some even entire families, like tombs in a graveyard.
Glenn startled and knocked back into Diana and Felix with the sudden clanking sound as the engine sputtered and hissed out, vapor blinding the windshield. "Can't we get a fucking break?" Alice groaned.
They stepped out of the RV, the smoldering sunlight immediately blinding their sight and warming their skin. "I said it. Didn't I say it? A thousand times. Dead in the water," Dale complained as the Grimes, the remaining Peletiers, and Daryl joined them. He rubbed his forehead in apprehension while looking the column of white smoke rising in the air.
Diana bent at the waist to peek inside an empty wagon, a lady's purse on the floor of the passenger's seat and the keys still in the ignition. If Dale's problem was a malfunctioning part, they had come to the absolute right place, all those vehicles ripe for the taking.
Shane made the same point, which led Daryl to respond that there was a whole bunch of stuff they could find. T-Dog added that he could siphon fuel from the cars.
"Maybe some water," Carol said, holding on to her daughter, who smacked her dry lips together.
"Or food," Glenn added to the list, his hand fisting the fabric of his shirt covering his stomach.
Alice turned to her sister with a lopsided shrug, "Weapons?"
Diana returned the shrug with a nod of approval. They should keep whatever stuff they could find a use for, you never knew if you could come to need it. Develop hoarder instincts.
Lori crossed her arms and twisted her expression in the likes of someone who had just bit into a lemon. "This is a graveyard. I don't know how I feel about this."
There was a moment of contemplative silence, everyone's eyes finding each other in a shared inner moral battle.
"We need it more than they ever will," Diana responded, alleviating the heavy quiet.
"I agree," Rick said, one sympathetic arm wrapping around his wife as he nodded at Diana.
"Think of it as a… a donation," she told the woman, "for the continuation of humankind."
Lori looked at her feet, then her son, who watched her expectantly. In the end, she gave a small nod.
"That's a beautiful way of puttin' it." T-Dog rested a hand on Diana's shoulder as he passed her. "I like it," to the others he said, "Come on, y'all, gather what you can."
oOo
There was no way Felix would be wandering all by himself through this hell-spawned place. It seriously creeped him out, the absence of human presence where it should have been, the abandonment that brought him back to the early days. Back to when mom and dad were still with them, when they first met the Dixons.
He'd kind of admired them their fearlessness, the way they'd mowed down those walkers like the character with the best stats in a video game. Up until that moment, he thought he'd be like Dead Island's Sam B. if an apocalypse ever broke out and not like an expendable NPC.
Then his parents…
And the CDC being a bust. Everything added to this uncontrollable fear and he hated it.
So he stuck close to Alice, hand tight on the bat hanging at his side, swinging against his thigh with every timid step, as if afraid to awaken some slumbering boss. His head hung low and his posture was like that of his late 90-something-year-old great-grandpa who had worked the lands to his grave.
Alice looked over her shoulder at him, her eyebrows bunched together, and she shook her head at him. She was stronger, he would admit that, but her "courage" bordered on suicidal recklessness. He could tell by the way she had gutted her couch and pillow back at the CDC that something was wrong. He hadn't asked because he knew her.
They paused at a black minivan and Alice opened the back door while Felix stood watch. He could see her rummage through the contents of a backpack from the corner of his eye. She poked his shoulder with a cereal bar, which he accepted, and unwrapped one for herself. The bar hung from between her teeth as she removed unnecessary items from within the backpack, zipped it close and swung it over her shoulder.
She gestured with her head for them to check the luggage space. They did while munching on the stale cereal bar. It was probably the most sugary and delicious thing Felix had eaten in weeks, an American brand he didn't recognize but had to give due credit. They sorted through random articles of clothing and toiletries and after some time it felt like a quest from a game to him. Loot the vehicles but look out for enemies. It was ridiculous how much he loved video games that his brain automatically processed everything like that.
They moved to the next car and Felix looked over his shoulder; they were losing sight of the RV, they promised Diana they'd stay close. "We shouldn't be out this far," he whispered, tugging on his sister's arm.
Alice jerked away and scoffed. "We're not fucking babies. There's no one around and if there was," she gestured to her (dad's) knife and his bat, "we're armed."
Felix's heart sank into his stomach, making him gulp against his dry mouth. He wouldn't put much faith in his zombie-slaying skills. "You're batshit."
"It's alright, bro, I'll look after your grown ass," she whispered back, a teasing tone lilting her voice.
Eventually, they retraced their steps and scavenged where they still could see the RV and the others, but Felix couldn't help but think back to the words his sister had almost engraved into the walls of her room. That grim promise.
He was scared for her; of the lengths she would go to try to keep it. He'd have to keep an eye on her and let Diana know.
He knew she was burdened, they all were, but he also knew neither she nor he would ever forgive themselves if something were to happen to their sister because she'd gotten loose rein to do as she pleased and got hurt in the process.
"This looks good," Alice said, holding an olive green T-shirt up to his torso and then shoving it inside the backpack. "We're keeping it."
"Nothing really useful, though, no weapons, no real food," Felix sighed. He startled and looked over his shoulder at a clang somewhere behind him, but relaxed slightly when he saw it was one of them.
"The bar was good, though," Alice said, stretching to grab onto the latch of the trunk door.
Felix repeated with a satisfied nod, "The bar was good, though."
As Alice was about to pull it closed, an arrow whistled between the both of them to impale the bedding of the trunk, startling both of them and causing her to let go. They recognized it even before it vanished, sharing a look of astonishment as to why their sister would shoot in their direction.
A weight dropped on Felix's stomach, foreboding and malign. His pulse fluttered as he turned his eyes to where their sister had been on top of the RV, now lying down flat, waving her flashing golden bow to get their attention.
That's when he saw it, the horde. Making their way past the RV, coming straight towards him and Alice.
Alice's "holy fuck" rang in his ears. He felt the breath leave his lungs, the cold sweat and goosebumps that swept over his body and the heaviness in his legs that refused to budge.
oOo
Diana shielded her eyes from the harsh sunlight and sighed once she had Felix's tall head in her sights again. She slumped forward, her butt too hot on the sun-beaten metal of the RV's rooftop, and looked at Dale, who was, like her, watching over their people like shepherds over their flock. "It's like he flipped a switch, ya know?" she resumed, "Think I did something wrong?"
Daryl's sudden coldness had left her spiraling, intrusive thoughts telling her it was her fault left and right. With everything that had happened the night before, she thought things were bound to be a little awkward, but she never thought it would put such a big stone in their relationship. After all, they'd talked it out that morning and had left things on good terms. Maybe the threat on their lives had made something change, had given him some perspective and he'd finally waken up and realized he was waiting his time with her.
But then again, he had been acting normal until after the massage.
…
Maybe that had been the trigger.
He felt disgusted by her because of her blunders on that night, to the point that he no longer felt comfortable with physical contact with her. It seemed things hadn't been left on good terms, after all, he just hadn't told her the truth.
The reason why she was discussing this with Dale was simply that he was wise and was mostly supportive of hers and Daryl's friendship. Of course, she hadn't shed light on the most recent happenings, because that would've been one awkward talk to have with a man she saw as a grandfather figure.
She felt selfish to ask about such inconsequential things in light of everything that was going on, but conversing with Dale didn't make her problems seem trivial at all. He always took her seriously and it felt nice.
"I can't say since I'm thankfully not aware of everything that's transpired between you two." His smile was hidden by his beard in reaction to Diana's side eye. "But I do know that communication is key in all lasting relationships. Talk to each other, find the problem, if there really is one, and solve it together."
She decided to ignore all non-platonic connotations behind his sage advice and nodded deep in thought. What he said was nothing new to her; she advocated good communication 24/7, but it was so hard to take that approach when the subject was so awkward.
'Wassuh Daryl, so… turns out I'm physically attracted to you on top of liking you as a friend, and I noticed you been kinda distant since I got drunk as fuck in the throes of mourning and fantasized about us getting freaky, care to comment on that?'
Yeah.
"Talking is hard, words are so difficult," Diana whined, resting and squishing her cheeks on her fists as she slumped even more in her seat.
Dale gave a single chuckle and rested his hand on top of her head, giving it a gentle caress that had Diana closing her eyes and reminiscing, her Avô in mind, and the by-now usual subsequent pieces that accompanied that train of thought. The numb ache in her chest threatened to cut the tethers to the guise of contentment that was her way of coping.
She shoved it all to the back of her mind, opening her eyes to find the two dark heads of hair of her brother and sister, focusing on them. She smiled softly seeing Alice hold a shirt to their baby brother's chest.
The moment was interrupted when Dale caught Rick signaling at them to get down and gesturing in the general direction behind the RV.
Diana gasped, voice stolen, panic setting in. Her eyes flickered between the horde and her siblings, unknowing and vulnerable. She had to warn them.
oOo
Felix wouldn't move, no matter how much Alice shout-whispered his name, his face frozen in stricken horror, body visibly shaking like it was the dead of winter.
Alice pulled on his arm and he stumbled, finally free. She crouched and took him with her, repeatedly hissing cusses under her breath as she watched the walkers through the gaps between vehicles. His hand was white-knuckled tight around hers as she quickly tried to think up a way to get him to safety.
Her breathing was ragged and her throat hurt from trying to breathe as shallow and quiet as possible. Felix's shock kept him thankfully silent as she led him back the path they'd come, farther away from the RV, until they reached the black minivan from before.
She let go of his reluctant hand to open the back door enough for his slender frame to fit through. She widened the gap to climb in after him but startled when a bleeding T-Dog dashed past the front of the vehicle, dripping blood, a couple of walkers on his trail.
One of them stopped, a straw blonde wearing a sullied blue sundress with milky eyes to match and missing the skin of the entire lower half of its face, and its head rotated with sluggish clicks to look at her.
Time stopped in that second as it started towards Alice. The horde wasn't far behind, just a couple of vehicles away, she could see and hear them in the background. Her eyes flickered between her brother's begging gaze, her hand on the door, and the walker facing her.
Her pulse beat in her ears, her other hand found the handle of dad's knife and unsheathed it. "Get low," she whispered to Felix and pressed the door closed before backing away from the car.
She knew she'd only attract attention to their hiding spot if she'd rushed inside. She had to shake this one off, or kill it, before she could hide. But most importantly, she had to draw it away from her brother.
Alice's hand trembled around the grip of the knife as she rounded the back of the car and saw the walker following her. Maybe it was fear, she couldn't tell, but she felt mostly excited. This game of cat and mouse; she was the predator here, that thing just didn't know it.
She led the walker quickly away from the approaching horde, knowing it'd mean her bittersweet end if they caught up, and the sound of its dragging feet on the asphalt, plowing through abandoned trash, was music to her ears. Alice was much quicker, she rounded the wagon while down in a crouch and got behind it before it could catch her scent.
A slash at the backs of its knees cut through the tendons of its right leg and the walker fell in a heap, twisting and turning to grab at her. Alice grabbed the car for leverage and kicked the walker's head, the blonde hair becoming dark and sticky from where her boot had cracked the skull. With both hands, she buried the knife in its temple, feeling the cranium splinter and brain matter slosh and splatter when she pulled out the blade.
Alice stumbled back with the pull until her back hit the opposite car, breathing heavy and riding an adrenaline high. Something slammed against her back from the other side of the door, startling her, and she found herself staring at another walker inside the car.
The racket alerted some strays at the front of the horde, and they must've caught her smell since their noises of hunger grew louder as they weaved towards her.
"Shiiiit," she hissed, and backed away in a crouch, eyes frantically examining her surroundings. They were too many and they'd seen her. Hiding would be futile, they'd just come after her. She needed to kill them before they killed her.
She used the knife to rip a strip of fabric from the walker's sundress and wrapped it around the slick handle so it wouldn't slide off her hands. Then she ran, still low on the ground, aware that going around them back to her group was next to impossible.
She saw a big-ass Hummer truck, much like their old rental and ran to it. Locked. Okay, good thing that wasn't part of her plan. She looked over her shoulder and saw the first two walkers appear behind a wagon, spotting her.
As quick as a lightning strike, Alice climbed onto the hood of the truck on all fours and then up onto the roof. She crouched on top of it, not wanting to call too much attention by standing, but knowing they could grab her from the edges if she sat or knelt.
With a hand on the burning roof to help stabilize her, she waited for them to come to her.
sweet mother cliffhanger
