.oOo.
The funerals were held among friends and acquaintances, an air of melancholy and bitterness hanging over them like storm clouds about to break open. The scent of upturned earth was heavy and the humid grey skies made for a stifling atmosphere that raised sweat on everyone's brow.
Hershel read some Bible passages over his friends and family's stony graves as the remaining ones wept for them. Rick and Dale said some pleasant words about Shane Walsh, a glossy eyed Lori under her husband's arm. Carol cried over her young daughter in Andrea's sympathetic embrace. The trespassers with no name, those had received the same courtesy as the loved ones; equality in death – a grave each and a few words spoken for their eternal soul.
Alice attended for Sophia's sake, to say farewell to the kind, soft-spoken child she had grown attached to, and had a small smile fight back the permanent glare when Carl slipped his small hand into hers. Naturally, Felix didn't attend, for both physical and mental health reasons; there was no need to put him through any more pain than he was already in, so he relocated to the RV, where he napped under Diana's watchful eye.
Diana was also a no-show; she hadn't been able to bring herself to go, even if she had been the one to put a definite end to most of the departed ones' lives. First of all, she couldn't bring herself to care, even if she did pity Carol for her terrible loss. Second, her brain was like a mess of tangled Christmas lights, no matter what end she pulled, it ended up tightening even further instead of letting loose. Consequently, her brain-to-mouth-filter was under maintenance, and she didn't want to say the wrong thing to anyone.
She needed time and space to rationalize her feelings and put her thoughts in order, and only then would the façade of normalcy be able to go up. She needed that mask, she needed that refuge, she didn't want to appear weak any longer.
Diana would usually rant to herself out loud to help unclutter her mind and organize herself, but she'd never been this fucked up before. Not to mention Felix was sleeping in the back of the RV, and she didn't want to wake him up. As an alternative, she dragged The Passage from her messenger bag – the iridescent sleeve was torn at the edges, and the pages were well worn by her fingers and the scribbles she'd written on its margins.
She opened the book to the next page clear of her handwriting and began jotting down everything that came to mind.
The regret. She had been as stubborn as a bull by insisting on going back to the city after Merle with the others despite her parents' wishes. She'd been blinded by duty, by the highly addictive feeling of playing good Samaritan. Those last words exchanged between her and her father, along with the disappointment in her mother's eyes, would weigh on her heart and conscience for some time. But, in the end, she knew they loved her unconditionally, and it wouldn't be that idiotic fight that would change that fact.
The guilt. She was a dumbass, clear and simple. A dumbass with a streak for martyrizing herself. It was time she listened to those who had told her that she shouldn't blame herself for the circumstances of her parents' death. It would always be bitter, but she had to accept that it wasn't her fault, it was none of their fault, just like she'd told Felix earlier.
The grief. Diana would be hurting for a long time. The ever-present dull ache in her chest wouldn't simply vanish from one day to the next, that she knew. But it also shouldn't hold her back from living. She had been neglecting herself and others because of that pain; losing sleep, isolating herself, caring less, denying herself happiness. She knew all of that would've earned her a lengthy lecture and a twist of the ear from her mom and dad. Diana couldn't succumb to the pain; she couldn't let it drag her under. She would feel it and survive it. One day it would hurt less even if that day felt like an eternity away.
Minerva. She knew the woman's appearance in her life was connected to the mysterious bow ever since she saw her staff-turned-spear during their body-swap experience. The bow itself has been a conundrum to Diana so far, and the questions just kept piling up. Daryl had been right on something, though; Minerva seemed to be more aware of what was happening to them. As much as Diana had hated the completely foreign feeling of inhabiting somebody else's body and knowing someone was in hers, she hadn't dreamt through Minerva's eyes in some time, and there was no other way for them to communicate that she knew of. Letting the other woman embody her like at a séance was another step towards clarification.
Daryl-
Diana's head snapped up when someone entered the RV, their shadow covering the entrance. She unfurled her legs from her chest and turned on the cushioned seat towards the table. She set the pen between the pages of the book before closing it and lacing her hands over it. "Hey," she greeted, a warm tickle emerging in her stomach.
The subject of her interrupted journal entry took a seat in front of her, his eyes glancing at Felix's sleeping form before finding her own. He looked tired; slumped shoulders, slouched back, but his eyes were bright upon hers. "How you holdin' up?"
Diana shrugged and it wasn't a lie. Her mind was still a bit of a chaotic space due to her reckless suppression and denial, but she was working on pinning everything in its rightful place. She wanted to take control as far as she could. It was a… process.
She reached across the table and took one of Daryl's hands in both of hers, using her thumbs to massage the palm and trace its lines softly. "You?"
Daryl mimicked her shrug with a smirk, pulling a sarcastic smile from Diana's lips. "Smells like we ain't stayin' for long. Ol' McDonald almost had a stroke when his people were put in the ground. Geezer coulda bore holes in Grimes' head the way he was glarin'."
"Yeah, I figured. I kinda get his side, though." She shrugged one-sided and tucked her right leg under her left. "But I already told Rick it doesn't matter."
"Told him what?" He turned his hand to capture one of hers.
Diana propped her chin on the palm of her free hand and tried to ignore the tingles spreading under her skin at Daryl running his thumb over her knuckles. She gulped down the knot in her throat and said, "Told him it's not a big deal if we leave. That we're gonna find our own place, someplace where we decide who stays and who goes."
"Ain't gonna be that easy," Daryl whispered, lacing their fingers together; honey brown and sandy tan.
She sighed. "I know. But we can't give up before we even try. Can't wait to finally have a safe place for the kids, my own room with a door instead of a tent flap." Her heart thumped as her next thought slipped past her lips in an unwitting whisper. "And a warm body in my bed."
Her back straightened immediately, her chin leaving her palm as her arm slammed against the tabletop. Had she seriously just- Really? For fucking real, Diana?
With halted breath and a racing heart, Diana observed as Daryl's ears reddened by the second and the pulse at the base of his neck quickened visibly. Not a word left his lips, but his baby blue eyes bore into hers with contrasting intensity, and the flame inside Diana's lower belly flared and spread throughout her veins.
Why was she born with a mouth?
She enjoyed teasing Glenn with innocent-natured flirting – if it could even be called flirting – because his flustered reactions were adorable and both knew that their relationship was strictly platonic, so words remained just that.
But her and Daryl's relationship was no longer just friendly, and words could easily become something more. Especially if you were already holding back, as was Diana's case.
She liked the hand holding and stolen glances and accidentally-on-purpose brushes of skin and butterflies and tingles. It was nice, it was pure; it wasn't enough. Diana had been starving for so long, craving another person's touch, arms to hold her, lips to kiss her, warmth to consume her, a heart to love her.
Slowly, she reminded herself with a long exhale; she wanted to take things slowly.
There was already too much in her mind for her to tackle the subject of engaging in any type of sexual activity. Not to get her wrong, she'd been dying to get into Daryl's pants, but even thinking about such thoughts made her anxiety spike through the roof. Her body was ready, had been ready, but not her mind. And she didn't want to rush into anything.
Diana cleared her throat and broke the sweltering eye contact, searching for the words to apologize for her Freudian slip. She made to lean back, but her palm still warmly pressed against Daryl's prevented her from doing so.
"Don't say you're sorry," Daryl interrupted; his voice patient and husky.
She nodded dumbly, immensely relieved that he knew her so well. "I'm not."
"Didja mean it?" he asked, tugging her closer so that both their stomachs were pressed against the edge of the table that separated them.
Diana made a wordless noise of agreement in her throat and stretched her leg to bump against Daryl's. Her other hand was clenched into a fist on the tabletop, and her breathing was slowly leaning towards tachypnoea. Her eyes shifted from Daryl's baby blues to his lips and back.
The stupid table was digging into her stomach; she had half a mind to climb over it and-
"Did you guys bone?" sounded Alice's disgusted voice from the doorway, causing Diana to jump back with an embarrassing squeal and steal her sweaty hand back from an equally caught off guard Daryl.
"Bone?!" Diana exclaimed, her voice rising an octave. She choked on her spit, coughed some, and then repeated, "BONE?!"
"Chill out, Captain Holt, 'twas just a question."
"You two sexing?" came Felix's sleepy voice as he dragged himself towards them and slid into the seat next to a gaping Diana. Had long had he been awake? How much had he heard? "Damn…"
Huh? Damn?
A smirking Alice slid next to Daryl at the same time that Glenn entered the RV in pursuit of her. Alice directed her smugness at Felix, who lifted his head from their older sister's shoulder with a dramatic sigh. "What do I owe?" he asked dejectedly.
Glenn walked up to them with a confused frown, an expression shared by the other two adults in the vehicle. "What's going on here? Is there a meeting I don't know about?"
"Your bat, two weeks," Alice continued, ignoring the newcomer. She extended her hand, which Felix took with a dragged groan and shook once.
"Did you make a bet about us?" Diana screeched in indignation.
"About who? Guys, fill me in," Glenn pleaded, squeezing in next to Felix, squishing Diana to the wall.
She only shared a look with Daryl, as if to say 'can you believe them?', which he found incredibly amusing.
Alice turned to Glenn with a matter-of-fact expression on her upturned face. "D's been getting D's d." When his nose scrunched in confusion, she elaborated, "Our local dumbass has been getting down with Mr. Ban-sleeves here." She tapped Daryl's exposed shoulder with the back of her hand.
"Diana!" Glenn exclaimed before she could even correct her sister. "I told you about Maggie! Where's the reciprocation in this relationship?"
"You and Ol' McDonald's daughter had a roll in the hay?" Daryl asked, taken by surprise. "Damn, Glenn."
Diana rolled her eyes at the grin Glenn gave in return and turned to her- her boyfriend? That felt so weird. Her man-friend? Her dude? Her kissing pal? She preferred to keep it unlabeled for now. "So you comment on that but don't bother correcting them? I see you."
The corner of Daryl's lips lifted. "I like seein' those cheeks turnin' red," he teased.
Diana gasped, her hands flying to her cheeks, accidentally slapping herself. "Shut up, no they don't." Her eyes shifted to Alice inquisitively, who nodded.
Glenn leaned forward to look past Felix, addressing her, "Wait, so are you guys really…?" He raised his brow suggestively.
"Oh my God, no!" Diana slammed her hands on the table in frustration at the total confusion. She felt her face flush and hid her cheeks behind her hands again, glaring half-heartedly at Daryl. "We kissed, alright! Once!"
"Aha," Felix interjected, pointing at their scowling middle sister. "No sex! Making out wasn't part of the bet. No bat for you."
Diana dug the tips of her fingers into her temples, trying to fight back a surely oncoming headache at the embarrassing topic. "Make me understand why you are making bets about my… bedroom activities."
"Bitch," Alice started with a lilt in her voice, "I've been calling this since the very beginning." She leaned forward on the table, a self-satisfactory grin on her lips. "When we all first met, I took one look at this dude's sad blue eyes and I knew, I just knew. I told Felix: this is the kind of guy Diana can't resist; you with your savior complex and big heart," she spat the two last words as if they were an insult.
Diana paused for a moment, thinking about how her sister wasn't half wrong, and tilted her head in concession while giving Daryl a shy smile. "That doesn't answer my question, though."
Felix shrugged, and Diana felt the movement against her side. "Boredom," he admitted, to which Alice answered with a facial expression that seemed to say 'pretty much'. "Not a long of entertainment in the post-apocalyptic world we live in."
"Apocalyptic," Alice corrected. "It's still ongoing; we already talked about this, idiota."
Their brother simply rolled his eyes exaggeratedly with a forced sigh but didn't engage in further discussion.
"I feel betrayed," Glenn sighed. "What else you keeping from me, supposed best friend?" He leaned forward again and squinted his eyes at said best friend suspiciously.
"Does he know about dream-chick and the body-swap?"
"The what and the what now?!" Glenn spat out, eyes wide as disks.
Diana shrunk in her seat beneath her friend's pointed stare. "I didn't wanna burden you," she justified weakly, knowing Glenn wouldn't be happy with that answer.
"Diana…" he sighed. "You're so dumb."
She chuckled awkwardly. "Local dumbass." She pointed at herself with both thumbs, unafraid to admit that she did have a streak for doing and saying nonsensical things. It didn't mean she was any less intelligent for it. The smile left her face when Alice laughed sardonically and agreed with Glenn with her whole chest.
When Glenn asked again about what Alice had meant with her question, the girl laced her fingers on top of the table and leaned into her arms, going into story mode. She told him and Daryl – since the latter had only gotten a rudimentary version – about the events concerning Minerva; starting with the ultra-realistic dreams back in the quarry, which she had also read about in her sister's book, and ending with the bizarre astral-projection phenomena from that morning.
Glenn took some seconds to process the information, staring wide-eyed at the tabletop with clasped hands. Then inhaled, as if to say something… but quickly shook his head and continued his staring contest with a coffee stain.
"You broke him," Diana pointed out accusingly, "You broke my best friend. How'm I supposed to return him to the store now?"
"Alright, wait, so." He stopped again and pressed his pointer finger against his forehead. "So there's the bow, yeah? And you're Diana." The mentioned woman mumbled again about him being broken. "And there's Minerva and a spear. Alright, maybe I'm reading too much into it, maybe my Percy Jackson loving ass is seeing inexistent patterns. But…"
"Oh my God," Alice breathed out, her jaw slackening.
"What?" Felix asked while his sisters and Glenn shared an astonished look. "Who's Percy Jackson?" He frowned at Daryl, but his look of confusion was mirrored on the man's face.
"How come I never…" Alice started and shook her head in disapproval. "I hate you, Glenn Rhee, for outthinking me. Lil' bitch."
"What's happenin' here?" Daryl asked, breaking the three from their reverie.
"It's mythology," Glenn answered, leaning forward with newly awaken enthusiasm. "Diana and Minerva are the names of two Roman goddesses, whose weapons of choice are – get this, a bow and a spear, respectively."
Diana's heart thumped vigorously against her rib cage at the revelation, and she felt lightheaded; it was a guess, at best, but it fit. It was too much of a coincidence not to be true. But that raised the next question. The one she'd been asking herself since the very beginning. Why?
diana and the kids alone = miserable, wallowing
diana and the kids surrounded by friends and family = thriving, healing
also omg glenn is so smart,,,,
i didn't know where i was going with this chapter at all so sorry for that, but i kinda liked how this turned out so not sorry,,,,, lmao i love you guys i hope u know that
pls comment if you think im boo boo the fool or just anything at all
