Chapter 6
A skeletal form lay alone and exposed on a hospital bed. Harsh lighting flickered overhead, illuminating skin so pale it was almost translucent. His face was contorted in agony, and his face shone with sweat. His fingers gripped the metallic bed guards as though being dragged by an unseen by his ankles. His excruciating shrieks echoed through the empty ward, but no one came to his aid. The walls and floor were covered in deep, crimson blood and the shattered windows spilled razor sharp glass across the floor.
She stood in the doorway, her eyes focused on the figure on the bed. Clutched in her hand was a jagged piece of broken mirror, which she gripped so tightly it cut into her skin. She walked slowly across towards the man, ignoring the stabbing pains in her feet from the broken glass that cut into her skin. Hatred resonated through her, and she shook from the effort it took to control herself.
She reached the man who, at first, did not recognize her. She rested her hand on top of his whitening knuckles; he jumped and then turned to face her. His eyes widened in terror and he wrenched his hand away from hers.
"GEY AWAY FROM ME!" He shrieked, pushing himself up the bed and away from her.
"You cannot escape me, old man." Though she spoke the words, she did not recognize the venom it contained.
"I KNEW YOU WOULD COME FOR ME!" He continued to scream, still clambering to get away from her. "I HEARD YOU TALKING TO … HER! YOU BOTH WANT ME DEAD!"
"You have become a burden," she spat, dragging the blade arm and scratching his frail skin. "No one can stand to be near you! You're disgusting!"
The man began to weep. "Please! I beg you, do not do this!" He pleaded, grabbing Lexi's wrist.
"Get off me!" She hissed, forcing grip away. "I am here to end this, to end the shame!"
"No, please!" His eyes darted frantically round the room, as though searching for aid. "You cannot do this!"
"Do not tell me what to do!" she shouted, quite deranged. "You have become a shell, ever since the accursed disease took hold of you!"
The man sobbed hysterically, shouting intermittently through sobs and begging with Lexi to leave him be.
"The ends now," she uttered malevolently, grasping the shard in both hands and raising it above her head. "You shall blight our lives no longer!"
The fragment glinted as she brought it down…
"Lexi!" Came an anxious voice, barely audible over the sounds of screaming ringing in her ears.
"NOOOOO!" Lexi screamed and thrashed on the bed.
"Lexi it's me, it's Severus." He said firmly, holding her arms to stop her from hitting him.
Lexi wrenched her eyes open, feeling them burn under the glare of the morning sun. Her heart was beating painfully in her chest, and her clothes were drenched with sweat.
"I didn't … you have to believe me … I didn't!" She howled, her breaths coming in short gasps.
"Lexi, you're safe," he said comfortingly. "Everything is okay, it was just a nightmare."
Lexi collapsed onto Severus' chest, gripping his loose linen shirt and weeping loudly. She felt his hand rest on the small of her back, stroking her skin softly with small, circling motions with his thumb.
"Something is happening to me, Severus." She voiced a moment later when her breathing had calmed.
"What is, Lexi?" He said quizzically.
"I don't know exactly," she sniffed, sitting up and facing Severus' worried gaze. "Last night I saw … a pair of eyes staring back at me while waiting for Harry. Then when I fell … the grief … it was exactly like when my Dad passed away. Then, just now …" She paused, fiddling with a lock of curly hair.
Severus tilted her chin up so her eyes met his. "Please, tell me." He said, stroking her chin with his thumb.
Lexi took a deep, shaky breath. "I saw myself … killing someone … an old man," she said, feeling thoroughly ashamed. "He was lying in a hospital bed … and the ward … it looked like the one my Dad was in before he died."
Lexi said Severus' eyes widen, as though something had just dawned on him. "Was the man you father?" He asked, his expression one of pure fear. "In the dream, were you – killing your father?"
"I-I think so," she admitted, feeling shaken with terror. "B-But I don't understand. My Dad died of cancer when I was sixteen, a brain tumour. He was a Muggle, he knew very little of the wizarding world. Why am I dreaming of this now?"
Severus' eyes left hers momentarily, as though worried he'd reveal something he should not. "I cannot say, Lexi," he sighed, running his hands through his hair. "It could be a number of reasons."
Lexi frowned. "Why do I get the feeling you're not telling me something?" She said, folding her arms across her chest.
"I'm just … worried about you, Lexi." He sighed.
Lexi gaze softened. "I know," She said, leaning towards him. "And thank you … for staying with me."
Severus reached up and caressed her cheek with his hand, an uncharacteristically tender display of affection causing Lexi to take a sharp intake of breath. "I may not be able to articulate myself very well," he said quietly. "But I do hope, somehow, you know that I care for you deeply."
Lexi reached up to her cheek and clinched his hand. "I know you do, as I do for you." She said, watching a small smile creep across his face. "Who'd have thought, a year ago, we'd be sitting here?"
"Indeed, if I recall I had blissfully ignorant of your return." He said with a smirk. "If I might say, you have rather complicated my existence."
"I would offer my apologies, Professor, but I am rather enjoying myself." She said playfully.
"Please don't apologise," he said seriously, running his fingers across her jawline. "You have … brought me to life."
"O-Oh …" She stuttered, feeling butterflies erupt in her chest.
"I … wish I could tell you … how, …" he faltered, looking dejected at his inability to express himself.
Lexi shuffled so she sat cross-legged on the bed opposite him. She rested her hands on his thigh, and his expression shifted to one of uncertainty.
"You do not have to say it, Severus." She said softly. "I know your conflict, and I don't expect anything from you. I also know that, with Voldemort's return –" She was surprised to see Severus flinch slightly. "- we'll be drawn into nefarious worlds. I'm just glad I got to know you – really know you."
There was a spark in Severus' eyes as his face drew level with hers, their noses millimetres apart. His lips parted and Lexi felt his breathing quicken, she reached up and ran her fingers through his hair. He exhaled loudly through his teeth, gripping the sheets tightly as though trying to control himself. She began to trail soft kisses along his jawline until she reached his lips. She kissed him deeply, which he returned, tentatively at first and then with all the pent up passion from the past year. Lexi straddled him so she sat on his lap, and his hands snaked their way round her back until he held her in an embrace.
Severus moaned as Lexi's hands travelled from his hair down to his chest, pushing under the soft fabric of his linen shirt and caressing his exposed skin. She felt him tense, and a low guttural noise escaped his throat but he did not stop her. His hands rested on her hips at the hem of her trousers, where he pushed aside the chiffon fabric of her top. Lexi felt desire ignite within her, she pushed Severus back onto the bed, her curls falling in waves around her face.
"Lexi …" Severus moaned, running his fingers across her collarbone.
Lexi felt her oversensitised skin tingle until his touch. She bit her bottom lip to control the flow of desire within her; and watched the rapid rise and fall of Severus' chest.
"Mmm?" She uttered, it was the only sound she could manage.
"We shouldn't, …" He groaned, pleasure apparent in his voice as Lexi began to plant delicate kisses on his neck.
"I can stop if you like?" Lexi murmured against his skin.
"Ahh …" he gasped as Lexi nipped at his neck with her teeth.
With a guttural growl, Severus grabbed Lexi's arms and flipped her onto her back, pinning her beneath him. He hesitated, his pale cheeks flushed giving away his desire but his eyes were filled with panic.
"What is it?" She queried breathlessly.
"I want you … so much," he said, his features contorted in frustration. "In more ways than you know … but I … something is holding me back."
Lexi tugged at his arms so he lay on the bed next to her. She turned to face him and propped herself up on her elbow. Lexi was surprised to see how vulnerable and frightened he looked, as he was normally so unreadable. She stroked the length of his arm with her fingers.
"I love you, Severus." She said firmly, willing him to believe her. "I hope you know that."
Severus regarded her a moment before answering. "I do," he responded sincerely
"And … I hope you know that …" He fumbled over his words once again.
Lexi nodded, answered Severus' unfinished question. Neither of them spoke for several moments, and Lexi could see the love in Severus' eyes. At peace with the growing realisation that he may never say to her what she craved, she knew then that his unspoken declaration was enough. She also knew that his feelings for Lily had not abated, but this did not lessen what he felt for her. She herself still loved Sirius, in a way, and always would.
"I – err – had better go and see the Order," Lexi said reluctantly. "They will be worried and I'd better fill them in on the details."
Severus nodded, although he too looked reluctant for her to leave. "I will consult with the Headmaster, maybe somewhere in his infinite wisdom he'll have answer." He said lightly, although Lexi could see he hesitation was not only about breaking ties with her company. "When do you return to Hogwarts?"
Lexi thought for a few seconds before answering. "Well, not until a couple of days before the start of term at least." She said, slowing sitting up and rubbing her eyes. "I shall only require a short amount of preparation time as I did much of the hard graft last year."
Severus furrowed his brow in what Lexi deduced to be worry. "I realise I cannot dictate your movements, but I would prefer your return to be sooner." He said. "I would like to know you're safe."
Lexi smiled fondly, leaning forwards and kissing his cheek. "I will see," she replied diplomatically.
She rose from the bed and headed towards the bathroom where she freshened up and summoned clothes; black jeans, a fitted red top and red pumps. She applied a minimal amount of make up to hide the purple bags until her eyes, and tied her mass of rosy curls into a loose bun. Checking the mirror and decided her look was passable considering the events of the past evening, she returned to the bedroom to find Severus dressed in his patented black robes. He looked staggered as she approached him to retrieve her wand with Kingsley had returned to her after his dramatic rescue efforts.
"I will … escort you back to headquarters." He stated rather breathlessly, looking her up and down surreptitiously.
"Severus Snape, the gentleman?" She responded with mock surprise. "Who'd have thought it?"
Severus glared at her as she smiled playfully at him before exited the door onto a narrow landing. They walked through the Leaky Cauldron, which was sparsely populated due the early morning hour. Lexi greeted Tom with a cheery nod and wave as they headed out of the rear entrance and into the passageway that led to Diagon Alley. They stood facing one another as Severus took his wand from his robes, and pulled Lexi towards so they were in an embrace. He smiled down at her, a true smile that Lexi hadn't seen before. She looked at him quizzically before they disapparated to the familiar façade of Grimmauld Place.
"This is where I leave you," he announced as they approached the disheveled front door. "I would very much prefer it if you return to Hogwarts was sooner rather than later."
"I am meeting Emmeline later tonight, but tomorrow I shall return." She answered firmly. "Does this suit, Sir?" She added the 'sir' with a raised eyebrow.
"I think I need to silence that smart mouth of yours, McNaughton." He said, leaning towards her and kissing her deeply.
This public display of affection seemed to take them both by surprise, and when they drew apart several minutes later it seemed as though Severus was shocked even by his own behavior.
"I think I will – ahh – get going," he coughed, retreated down the steps. "Goodbye Lexi, until tomorrow."
Lexi hadn't time to respond before she blinked and he'd disappeared. She stood, flushed and breathless, for a minute before she remembered the reason for her visit. She entered the house and quickly found Mrs Weasley, Sirius and Remus in the cavernous kitchen. They all looked at her as though she was a fragile ornament teetering on the edge of a sheer drop. Remus approached Lexi and hugged her as though she'd been gone for years. Sirius put his arm round her shoulders and guided her towards a vacant seat at the table.
"How are you feeling?" Remus asked as Lexi sat at the table; Mrs Weasley placed a large plate of scrambled eggs in front of her.
"Fine, albeit rather tired." She said, gulping a large amount of tea gratefully. "I – err – have something I wish to discuss with you."
She relayed the details of her dream to the residents of the room, each of whom gazed wide-eyed with shock as describe in detail the murder she committed in her vision. When she'd finished, Remus gripped the table for support and Sirius tightened his grip on her shoulder.
"So, in the dream you killed your father?" Sirius voiced quietly. "Gregory died of a brain tumour? How come you're only dreaming of this now?"
Lexi shook her head. "I cannot say, after what happened to me last night I feel a little shaken." She shivered, taking small bites of her breakfast but feeling nauseated with every bite.
"As one would expect," Remus aired from beside her. "Could it be possible this is Voldemort's doing?"
Lexi frowned. "That had occurred to me, but I don't understand why, if he is behind it, why I would be a target?" She asked, baffled.
"Maybe Severus could answer that," Remus offered. "He is a spy, maybe Voldemort has said something to him?"
"I did wonder whether he believed Voldemort was behind it." She said without thinking. "He seemed quiet evasive when I spoke with him about it. I think he believes I'm made of glass."
"When did you discuss this?" Sirius voiced crackled with venom.
Lexi turned to him, exasperated. "This morning, if you must know." She answered; watching as Sirius' eyes widened to a point that she was sure they'd pop out of their sockets. She saw Mrs Weasley and Remus exchange knowing glances. "He came by to check on me, and seemed to believe I am in some sort of danger." She decided not to reveal he had slept in her bed.
"He came by to see you?" Sirius pressed, ignoring Remus' attempts to shut him down with a look akin to a prefect disapproving of poor behavior. "Why?"
"Because, contrary to popular belief, he is not completely immune to humanity." She said flippantly, as though to appear casual. "The point is, am I in danger? I cannot see Voldemort breaking his silence just to give me nightmares."
Remus stroked his chin thoughtfully. "It does seem unlikely, although at this juncture all avenues should be explored," he said. "I do think you'll feature in his plans at some point, and I think Severus has a point to urge caution."
"As per the Masters' instructions, I shall return to Hogwarts in the morning." She relinquished. "I shall arrange to meet with Dumbledore and see what course of action he advises."
Lexi finished the few mouthfuls of her breakfast. "That was delicious, thank you Molly." She said gratefully.
"Not a problem dear, you look like you could use a few good meals." She observed Lexi's thinning frame.
"Will you stay and speak with Harry?" Sirius asked, although Lexi had a suspicion this was so he could continue his Spanish Inquisition about her meetings with Severus.
"I think so, I have rather neglected by duties to him." She said regretfully.
"Excellent," Sirius said, clapping his hands together. "Then you may assist with the decontamination!"
"That is one of the most terrifying things you have ever said." She answered warily, leaning away from him.
