Chapter 17: Four Quests and Funderal

Hongi the Furious was dead they couldn't bleive it the dragonborn was the dead and not alive. He had died fighting the undead of a dedric prince and ao now he died.

He was being buried as the stromclocks played there bagpipes mornfully and the impreails played there Roman Trumpits. THe stormclocks are big fans of Hongi the Furious and the bagpipe is the Stormclock instrument so they played fro the fallen hero and the impreails also admrired him so they played respects to.

Lydia was dresed in black liek a widow and the Night shed manly tears and Bob the Bard cold not play a snigle note cause he is sad. Even the Sheriff of Riften was tere to pay his repsects and evan Unra Stoneheart was teh sad and she asked sadly "How did it happen?" and Lyida put head down and rose head up slowly and dermaticly "I will tell yee how Lass!"

FlashBack

Hongi the Furious and his mates werea raiding anothing Dungeon and it was epice and the wear kilin man bandits and evil pepile and zombies and than Hongi the Furious got the head bandit and the did epice battle but Hongi the Furious one and kil the evil man and than he found a becon and herd voice

"A new hand touches the Beacon. Listen. Hear me and obey. A foul darkness has seeped into my temple. A darkness that you will destroy."

It was teh voice of the Dedric Lady Merida and Lydia inquired "what is it Hongi the Furious?" and Hongi the Furious stated "we have a newed Quest"

Meanwhile With the Brewmaster Sabjorn

The Brewmaster Sabjorn and his hunchback assitent were in there office and ploting eviliy. "We are making the moneys so much" luhed the Hunchback assisentent "zhat ist correct und soon ve vil have moar monay zhan zhat Nine divnes" boasted Brewmaster Sabjorn But zhant zhere came Thongvor who gave some bad news.

But than Thongvore ran came in liek a madyman and shouted loud "The mine in Marketh has ben desatryoed! and all the Forthswarn have ben freed and they killered Thonar mah bro. and now I am totaly screeeeewed!" saud Thongvore and whent ther Brewmaster Sabjorn hear ths he is real mad "I thinked zhat you brother vear going to provide me vit Forswamr bones zhat I can use to make mead with. You betar fixed this faster silverblood or I vill have you head over my firepalce".

So hongvor had to tink fast so he put Dark Brotherhood contracts on all the the Forsowrm leaders and give him there bones so that the Brewmaster can mkae the beast mead evar!

So With Unra Stoneheart

So Unra Stoneheart whent and killered all the Forsworn leaders

For the leader of Bilegulch Mine she poured molden gold down his throat

For the leader of Bruca's Leap she had him stabed wit a spear and tan draged to death by his own horse

For the leader of Dragon Bridge she had kiled with posined mushrooms

For the leader of Druadach Redoubt she downed him in a vat of wine

For the leader of Lost Knife Hideout she had him stabed in the back by 23 pepole

For the leader Pinemoon Cave she cut a pound of his flesh of kiling him

for the leader of the Red Eagle Redoubt she had an egale tear out his liver

For the leader of Stony Creek Cave she tricked him inot eating one of his own henchmen

Than the leader of Deepwood Redoubt herd that the others had been kiled so he slit his rists in a warm bath

Meanwhil with Unra Stoneheart

Unra Stoneheart was finally goina to meat that contact that the Night Mother Told Unra Stoneheart to go and sea. So Unra Stoneheart wheant to the crypt of the living dead weaer the guy was waitinged. The dude semed real important was in facny clothes and had some kind of slave of freeman or sometigng withhim so you no he is rich

"So the riutal to sommun a Dark Brotherhood asslionin acualy worked so I ned to you kil some guys that are ver important and this wil led to you killering thre empoerer himself" stated the impreail guy.

Than Unra Stoneheart sad "kill the empoer? Coool this is going to be asswomen and teh most badass and gothic thing I have evert done" and so the man was the impresed "I hoped yo whould say thing so tak this emulet to you boss it wil pay uo moar than enought".

So Unra Stoneheart too it to Astrid and Astrid proclamed "Kill the empoer! We are realy going to Make the Dark Brotherhood Great Again! Unra we need to get this confrimed take it to the Thives Guild and they wil lok at it. I don't know if you are the speaker but you have sent us on an great task hear"

Meanewhile wit Alyce

Alyce was head to spek wit the archmage Tolfdir about the book he was wanting her to lok at and it wassay something about seacrates unelith the collage and so she spoke to Trogdor abut the book but he was to busy loking into the giant glowing thing in the collage and starting babeling on about.

But than the evil elf gut came and excamed "I ned to spek with Alyce" and Alcye demaned "what is it you whant" and the evil elf guy ordered "One of the Psyic monks has vome to speak with you Alyce and I whant to know why cause they arr crimal waizards"

So Alyce whent to spek wit the Spyic monk and he froze tim and spooke to Alyce a hole laod of stuf like "we come in peice" and "take us to your leader" and other suff liek that and alos htat the sphere is dangeros and Alyce should seak to the other glwing think benaerh the colage.

So Alyce new what she had to do and but the Bad Elf Man tried to speak wigt the Good Elf Man and the Good Elf Man was soying that he is should not bee hear and that he must leive and Evil Elf Man was like "Demand explistion" but he got none and so he was the mad.

But now Alyce had found the top secrate trap doar to go beanth the Collage and there there was many horrors and monstars and also cool magic devices that Alyce experimented with. But she also fort chimeras both leik the ones form myth and Fullmetal Alchemist and roasted them wit her badass spels.

Alyce also came across many goasts including the goast knight and the goast farmer and Gaost scribe ans also the myticla Headless Student who is on of the school legands.

Than Alyce gut to the door to wear the othet sphere thing livers and it told a whole bunch of stif and than sent her to find the staff of magnus.

So Alyce told the Arch Mage and he was the impressed and told that Alyce should to talk to a person in the colage about this.

Meanhile With Little Hood

Little Hood was in Solaitude doing an epic missioned to frane an evil pirate king wo woked for the Shierff of Riftern and he had to place a bottle of illegial achocul on his shiped. Little Hood had just bort it from a lady piarate and was not going to place it on the evil piarte kings ship to frane hin

So Little Hood and his Merry Men rode to the ship and arived tere but had to fight sea monstars and othetr evis on teh way there. and When thy goyt there Little Hood rouged "it wil be upt to me to sneak in and place the evidence" and his merry men salted that great theife

So Little Hood snuck in as the drunk Piarates wear singing "Yo Ho Ho and a Bottle of Rum"

Fifteen men on a dead man's chest

Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum

Drink and the devil had done for the rest

Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum.

and Little Hood used his master stealth skils to sneak past them and than arived at the chest wear he had place it. We don't know why Little Hood had to place it in the chest in patuclar but we cana tell from the few texts and fragments of texts that have come down to us is that this is was wear teh quest mark was pointed.

So Little Hood placed it in there and haihtaled it out of tere stealthy and got of scott free. So the priate was errested and was sent inprisoned for a lives setence in prisoned.

Menwhile with Hongi the Furious

"What quest be this" deamnded the Night "We must clense the temple of the dedric Lady Merida" braved Hongi the Furius and the Night gallanted "anything for a fair lady" and so they whent.

THe wear soon at the giant Merida satue and there Hongi the Furious was contacted by Merida

"Look at my temple, lying in ruins. So much for the constancy of mortals, their crafts and their hearts. If they love me not, how can my love reach them? Restore to me my beacon, that I might guide you toward your destiny."

So Hongi the Furious placed the grat becon in the slot and was taken to the heavens and met Merida face to face or Hongi the Furious face to Merida ball of light (what is it with Skyrim and tallking balls of light? Jeez).

Hongi the Furious spoke to Merida and she told Hongi the Furious about he evil bad necor wizard that is doing bad thins in her temple and I would copy the hole speech hear but it is realy the long and it would tak etoo many words up in the storyed. the just of it is that there is a bad man doing bad things in a temple with undead tere I speared you a whole expersion dump.

So Hongi the Furious new what he had to doed and so Hongi the Furious and freinds went in to the temple dark and Merida Dax anoced tere entrace

Meanhile With Little Hood

Little Hood was there to asite a guy who had his sliver mold stoled by evil bandits who do evil things because they are evil.

The bandits wear in some hut in the midle of nonewear and so Little Hood and his merry men rode there while singing there merry tunes

Little Hood, Little Hood,

Riding through the glen,

Little Hood, Little Hood,

With their band of men,

Feared by the bad, loved by the good,

Little Hood! Little Hood! Little Hood!

He called the greatest archers

To a tavern on the green,

They vowed to help the people of Skyrim,

They handled all the trouble

On the Nirn country scene,

And still found plenty of time to sing.

Little Hood, Little Hood,

Riding through the glen,

Little Hood, Little Hood,

With his band of men,

Feared by the bad, loved by the good,

Little Hood! Little Hood! Little Hood!

Soon Little Hood came to the place wear the evil bandit hideout was and the Merry Men bust in. But tere was no sighn of the Silver Mold. But tere as a lasy bandit called Rhorok Sleping and Little Hood and his Merry Men have him a rude awaking.

"Whoo arr yous geat ouat of mah ouse" Rhorlak question loudly and Little Hood spok stright "We are the Merry Men and we demand to know wear the Silver Mold is. Show us the antreace to you hideout" and the man was like "No way" and so Little Hood carmlyed "Big Jim show him we ned business" and so Big Jim threated him and Roralucked sayed "Ok Ok Ok there is a buttle by the wall pres that butt to get in Just please dont make me dye!"

So the did and it was behind a wardobe so Little Hood and his Merry Men fort and kiled all the bandits giving epic fighting moves and sashbuckling and high action.

Big Jim was hiting them wit his Big Jim Stick and Preist Nuck was eating all there food and drinking all there alchol and Tenkith was stabing them in the back and stealing there weepons and the Dark Elfe Rouge was killing them wit major sniper attacks.

Than Little Hood came to Rigel Strong-Arm who aroganted "Little Hood I new that you and you Merry Men whould come hear now prepear to dye". So they did epice swhasbuckling duel in the bandit hideout whyich is now on fire.

So Little Hood and Rigel swordfighted to one end of the room and back using rapiers and they had to swing on chandlears to escape the buring fire. Than they wear fighting up the stairs and now Little Hood and Rigel wear fighting over a thing ledge and that is on fire. This wear Little Hood defated her and won.

Thean Little Hood and his Merry Men took the Sliver Mold and the treasures and gave the Silver Mold back to it's rightful owner and treasures to the vualt for the Talosmas feast funds. All the pepole cheered "horay we love Little Hood!"

Menwhile with Hongi the Furious

So Hongi the Furious and friends went around Merida's Templed and kiled evil dead things and made light come gain everwear and lite things up Temple of Merida. So they werr soon at the foot of the evil necromancer lich and he cackled "Hongi the Furious you can hip to stoped me I am already moar than human" and Hongi the Furious badased "You going to burn alright" and so Hongi the Furious and his mates attacked.

Hongi the Furious atakced wit his epice sword and Lydia used sword and shiled and the Night also used a sword and Bob the Bard used his alful music that makes you want to cry just lisening to it and not caus it is a sad song but cause it jsut rally sucks.

Soon all the zombs hench wear teh double ded and Hongi the Furious for the Lich one and one and killered it. So they exited form the temple and Hongi the Furious was rosed to the heavens to speak to Merida.

But Lyida and Bob the Bard and the Night al thinked that Hongi the Furious is dead "heaven has taken his mighty Nord sole and he sings wit the Skyrim states now" saded Bob the Bard and none caled him silly at this point and they put their heads down sad.

Meanhile With Little Hood

Little Hood had herd news that a great man was going to be axeicuted at dawn casue of the Sheriff of Riftern and he hads to stop him form being dyed and save his live. So Little Hood and his Merry Men had to raid the castle of Whiterun and do two things rewrite the prison recods to change the mans name to another and also steal the arrest warrent.

So Little Hood got his Merry Men to provie a disractions while he stuck in Priest Nuck was to challange Skyrim's bigests Glutten to a drinking and eating contest and Big Jim was to start a brawl in an Inn and Tenkith was to stil food from the market and Dark Elfe Rouge had to be pretneing to be possed by the dedric pince of maddnes and start raving about teh end of the wrold. There was also a secrate destraction that Little Hood put in place but I wil not metion it nowed

So whiled al this was going on Little Hood snuck in and altered the records and stole the letar. Childs play

Than Little Hood and his Merry Men took off before the guards evant new what hat happended.

Menwhile with Freinds of Hongi the Furious

They wear all drinking a sad drink at the Sad Drink inn and wear all the sad.

End of FlashBack

"Well that is how it happedn" stated Lyida and as they all moaned the greet heroed there was a voice "hell of a funneral you held for me but I would have pefered moar drinking and wenches" and it was Hongi the Furious!1 and with him Little Hood and his Merry Men

"Hongi the Furious but h-h-h-how?!" sutterd Lyida in shock and Little Hood answered "simple my dear I asked Hongi the Furious to fake his own deaf so that I cold help and inncoent man" exaplined Little Hood. This was because he neded a distraction so he cold save Arn form being axeicuted and the 'deaf' of a great Hero would be ultimate one.

"What a great Jest you have played on us" luthed the Sheirff of Riften and Little Hood and Hongi the Furious bowed liek actors at the edn of play. But now Sheirff of Riften demanded "but now you can bot dye for real! gaurds seize them!" and the haurds came to take them to prison but both Little Hood and Hongi the Furious did epic moves an escaped.

But Unra Stoneheart cught up wit them and asked "Little Hood I have bean loking for you can you have this apreased for the Dark Brothehood?" and Little Hood hesitent cause he herd that Unra Stonehart is evil assiin but she is also really hot and sexy and a High Elf so Little Hood took the neck lace to Delvin Mallory who looks and sounds like something from a Charles Dickens Novel

"This is a reare Necklace from the high concuil and very expensive and I will sell it and give you a letter of credit" dickendeds Dliver Malory. So Little Hood took the letter of Credit to that sexy Unra Stoneheart and Unra Stoneheart promised "Thank you I will pay you back some time"

THan Unra Stoneheart tok off to the Dark Botherhood hideout and gave the letter to Astrid and Astrid declaired "well sister seems tat yoy will be doing some epic assinations. first you have to go to a wedding find someting nice to wear and than kill the Bride" and Unra Stoneheart samiled "These are the jobs I live for" Unra Stoneheart eviled.

To be Countued...