Things get a little steamy…
Chapter 9
'What?" Lexi breathed, feeling all the air leave her lungs.
"I love you." He repeated, so that Lexi was sure she hadn't imagined those words.
Lexi began to feel lightheaded, and a wave of long-forgotten euphoria swelled within her. Severus had acted an enigma for so long that Lexi had resided herself to the notion that he may never reveal his true feelings to her. She had, of course, entertained the idea that Severus had felt more for her than he let on. His behaviour towards her at hinted as much, although the ever-presence of his insular demeanor always ensured she'd dismissed the thought.
Severus' eyes never left hers as they knelt facing one another. The orange glow radiating from the fire danced shadows across his features, the only sound coming from the crackling of the fiery logs in the grate. He looked completely vulnerable, his declaration had obviously taken a great deal from him. To lay his feelings bare to another was not something he was used to, and Lexi felt a rush of adoration sweep through her. Although, a nasty little voice in her head hissed of Severus' feelings towards Lily. He couldn't, in the space of a year, have let go of over two decades of feelings. The idea that she shared his love with her deceased best friend left a bitter taste in her mouth, his declaration tainted slightly by the torment Lily's death had caused him.
Severus shifted anxiously and he eyed her with worry, an achingly long minute had passed since either of them spoke. Lexi edged closer to him and placed her arms around his neck, she felt him rest his own on her hips. She saw his features visibly relax, and an audible sigh escaped his lips. She decided to put her worries aside and allay the fear that seemed to be building within him.
"You don't have to …" She muttered, suddenly feeling unsure of herself.
"You think I'd say such a thing, without truly meaning so?" Severus uttered, a look of crushing disbelief on his face.
"N-No, not at all!" Lexi said hurriedly. "It's just … so sudden, Severus. You're not exactly forthcoming about yourself."
"After seeing you tonight, and knowing what …" he swallowed, looking pained. "… what you went through. The words just came to me. I wanted you to know."
Lexi took a shaky breath. "What about –" She began, but faltered at the look on Severus' face.
"Lily?" He murmured indignantly, narrowing his eyes at her.
Lexi blinked a few times. "I'm sorry, I just … you obviously still love her," she said tentatively. "I just wonder where I fit in your heart."
Severus' expression softened, he reached up and ran his hands through her curls. "I cannot say how you fit, I do not know myself, only that you do." He said. "I just … needed you to know how much I … feel for you. To know that I have earned your love in return is more than I deserve."
"Why do you think you are not worthy of love?" Lexi asked.
"I … have done terrible things with my life," he said, his gaze leaving hers. "My life as a Death Eater before … I turned spy, was –" he broke off, turning away from her. "I did things … saw things … my soul is shattered beyond repair."
"Whatever you did back then, it doesn't matter now." Said Lexi, tears pooling in her eyes. "You risk your life as a spy, so that we might gain information that could save lives. The life you lead but then is obsolete now."
"It is not that simple, Lexi." He said, rubbing his tired eyes. "I cannot undo my past. The burden I carry is a heavy one, I will never be rid of it."
"Your past actions do not define you," she whispered, caressing his cheek. "Many Death Eaters' continued their path despite their misgivings. You did not. You chose to do what was right."
Severus shook his head wildly. "I was selfish," he choked. "I wanted only to save Lily. I cared not for Potter or the boy. Even my one redeeming decision what motivated by selfishness."
"It was not selfishness that drove you, Severus," Lexi said, running her fingers along his jawline. "Love did. Your love for Lily ensured your passage into the light. As your love has done to me."
Lexi closed the gap between them and placed her lips tenderly onto his. He reached up and cupped her face in his hands, pulling her body towards him so her hands snaked up his back. The kiss deepened and her breathing became frantic as she felt his fingers stroke the back of her neck. She moaned as his mouth left hers and began trailing kisses along her jawline then down her neck.
"Oh!" She gasped, feeling pleasure pulsate through her body.
His eyes met hers; they burnt with a passion that matched hers. He stood, holding his hand out for her to take. Never leaving his gaze, Lexi took his proffered hand and allowed him to pull her to her feet. Without saying a word, he steered her through a door she hadn't noticed before. Her heart jumped to her throat when she realised she was in his bedroom. A handsome, four-poster bed dominated the modest dwelling. It was dark wood, with velvet green hangings matching expensive-looking silk sheets. He reached up to the loose bun that held her curls and tugged, so her hair fell across her chest.
"You're so beautiful," he breathed as Lexi trembled beneath his touch. "Stay with me?" His words echoed hers from two nights previous.
Lexi nodded slowly, words escaping her, and sat beside Severus on the bed. He suddenly looked nervous, as though the reality of the situation had hit him. Lexi positioned herself so she was cross-legged on the bed; Severus eyed her with watchful curiosity as she untied the fastenings to his cloak. Letting it fall beside the bed in a heap, she turned her attention to unbuttoning his waistcoat. She then stood in front of him, clasped his hand and guided it towards the zip of her dress. His eyes widened when he realised her intention. Lexi could sense his apprehension, so she ran her fingers through his hair light scratching his scalp with her nails. His eyes flickered shut, and a low moan escaped him. Lexi felt him tug at the zip, her dress feel effortlessly from her slender frame and pooled at her feet.
Severus gazed at her appreciatively, his breathing becoming more ragged. Lexi walked round the bed, her eyes never leaving his, and sank onto the bed. Propping herself up with her elbow. She tugged at Severus' arm so he lay beside her, and she pulled him close to her so their bodies touched.
"I'll stay," she whispered, the tips of their noses touching. "But we don't have to … you know."
Severus smirked as a blush rose to her cheeks. "Please don't tell me that sex embarrasses you?" Severus said, stroking the hem of her turquoise French knickers.
"I'm trying to be tasteful, if you must know!" She huffed, feeling goosebumps rise in her skin at his touch.
"There's nothing tasteful about it," he said in a husky voice that made her squirm. "And besides, since when have you become a wallflower?"
"It may have escaped your notice, but I am a lady." Lexi said indignantly.
"A lady, eh?" He murmured, stroking the small of her back. "I think that is something I shall have to discover for myself."
"O-Oh …" she stammered.
His fingers found one of her bra straps; he pulled it from her shoulder and kissed the spot where it had been. She let out a wanting moan, feeling her senses coming alive at his touch. He did the same on the other side, causing gasps of pleasure to escape her. He reached underneath, and masterfully unclasped it; pulling it gently from her and discarding it behind him. He then maneuvered so he lay on top of her, propping himself up on his elbows either side of her head. He gazed down her, as though not quite believing what was happening.
"I love you." He uttered in barely more than a whisper.
"I love you too, Severus." She replied in earnest, responding once more to his kiss.
