Chapter 10
Lexi felt the glare of the mid-morning sun against her closed eyes. She had somehow cocooned herself in the sheets, her limbs wrapped several times round the cold silk so she was rendered immobile. She slowly opened an eye and squinted at the unfamiliar surroundings in which she found herself. Opening her eyes fully, she blinked several times as her tired eyes adjusted to the daylight that streamed through a small window, the only natural light source in the room.
Lexi rolled over to find that she was alone, and a pang of disappointment stabbed at her. Her hand brushed the spot where she had fallen asleep on Severus' chest in the early hours of the morning; She smiled to herself as she remembered the evening they'd spent together. She still felt dazzled from their hours of lovemaking after his unexpected declaration of love. Any nerves that had been present at the beginning of the evening had dissipated as they became more comfortable with one another. His outward demeanor was normally so cold and abrasive, but last night he had been tender and passionate.
She sat slowly on the edge of the bed then stood to retrieve her clothes that lay discarded on the floor across the room. After she had recovered her modesty, she pushed open the door to the living room. She frowned further when she saw he wasn't there either. She crossed the room and retrieved her shoes from underneath the chair, and was just struggling back into them when the door swung open. She jumped up, almost toppling into the fireplace, and saw Severus' amused expression at her open display of clumsiness.
"M-Morning," she stuttered, rebalancing herself and leaning against the cold stone wall.
"Good morning," he said with a mischievous smirk, closing the door behind him. "I trust you – ah – slept well?"
"When I eventually got some, yes." She replied with a nervous smile.
"Quite," he said, his eyes glinted knowingly. "I apologise for my absence this morning. I took the liberty of retrieving your belongings from the Leaky Cauldron. I've had a House Elf take them to your quarters."
"Thank you, but you didn't have to trouble yourself with that." Said Lexi, a little taken aback by his thoughtfulness.
"It was no trouble," he said lightly. "I assumed you would require a rest after last nights – activities. So I left you to it."
" I … well … it was …" she fumbled over her words, feeling a blush rise to her cheeks.
"My performance seems to have rendered you incapable of formulating sentences," he said dryly. "Now that is a novelty."
"It's … just a lot to take in," she sighed. "Oh shut up!" She added as Severus smirked at her comment. "Will you insist on making me blush?"
"I said nothing," he chuckled, as he walked to her. "I think the colour is rather becoming of you," he said, reaching up to stroke her cheek with his thumb.
Lexi sighed with a carnality that only his touch could bring. "Suffice it to say, it's been a while." Lexi said with a small smile of embarrassment.
If she wasn't mistaken, she saw some colour show itself in Severus' pale complexion. "Well, yes, for me also," he coughed nervously. "Although one does remember the basics."
Lexi cursed inwardly as heat radiated from her cheeks and smirk on Severus' face returned. "That much was clear," she said huskily, memories from their night together causing butterflies to erupt in her stomach. "It's was – err – rather unexpected."
"To say the least," he concurred, his expression suddenly serious.
"What is it?" Lexi asked gently, concerned at the somber look on his face.
"I cannot offer … convention, Lexi." Severus said apprehensively. "My position within the Order is one that prevents such normality."
"Your position within the Order?" Lexi said, stepping back from Severus' touch and frowning. "As a spy, you mean?"
"Precisely," Severus said, looking dejected. "Not only do I put myself in danger, but to be – open – would put you in danger also. The Dark Lord does not understand love. In fact he is openly hostile toward it."
"What are you trying to say?" She said, feeling her spirits plummet.
"I am saying that it would be foolish of us to make anyone else … aware of this." Said Severus gently. "If anything were to happen to you … I couldn't forgive myself."
"Aware of what, exactly?" Lexi said, crossing her arms and ignoring Severus' concern. "What is it that we have, Severus?"
"We have … something I have never experienced before," he said, closing the gap between them. "I don't want whatever it is we have to end."
"Then why does it sound like it?" Lexi said, feeling his hands tremble in hers. "Why does it sound like all this is over before it has even begun?"
"I do not wish this to be over," he said, desperation rising in his voice. He raised Lexi's hands to his lips and kissed them lightly. "But if what I offer is not enough for you …" he paused, swallowing hard. "Then I understand if you want to walk away."
"I will not walk away from you," she assured. "I am, as you know, rather stubborn. Even if you had been suggesting the end, I would not have allowed it."
Severus smiled fondly. "I know," he said, a hint of sadness still lingered in his eyes. "You are, as Dumbledore has observed often, rather like me in that respect." His expression remained resigned, as though expecting Lexi to walk away from him. "In any event, I hope you understand my reasons and do not take it as proof that I do not care about you."
Lexi ran her fingers through his hair, partly to soothe his nerves but also to reassure him that she did not intend to leave his side.
"I know you care for me," she said. "Last night … what you said, what we did … I know you love me, and I understand your past and present play a role in why we cannot be together fully. To simply be with you, in whatever way I can, is more than enough for me."
Severus sighed loudly. "I do not know what I have done in my life to deserve you in it," he said. "I have spent much of my life in the shadows, and you are the light I now walk towards."
Lexi felt tears cascade down her cheeks. She could not believe the depth of his self-loathing, and inability to see anything but malevolence within him. She saw so much that he did not; his passion, his intelligence and his desire to absolve his past sins. She saw it in him because she also saw much of this when she looked in the mirror. Redemption of ones past is not an easy path, and while treading it had not been easy she had done so with the support of loved ones. Severus had been without that luxury for much of his life, and now that he had her love she hoped this would be the beginning of his self-absolution.
"Such delights from your lips, Sir." She smiled. "I would not have thought it before now."
"And why not?" He said with mock hurt. "Am I not the epitome of romance and chivalry?"
Lexi pouted and placed her hands on her hips. "I apologise, but I do think the black costume and constant scowl may detract attention from your intolerable romance." She said, trying and failing to keep the amusement from her expression."
"All in the plan to keep the world from getting between us," he said, taking her hands once more. "I must admit, the idea of keeping this secret from the world is quite appealing to me."
"Well, we'll need to be on our best behaviour round Sirius," she said darkly. "He already suspects we're involved. He questions me each time I am in a room with him."
"Black suspects?" Severus asked with raised eyebrows. "I should be concerned but I do rather find than his harboring jealousy towards me quite satisfying."
"Behave yourself!" Lexi scolded, fixing him with a stern stare that only earned her a smirk. "You and Sirius need to find a way to coexist without resorting to blowing each other to pieces."
"Coexisting will mainly consist of me stoically ignoring his very existence," Severus said stubbornly. "I do hope this is satisfactory?"
"So long as neither of you hurts the other then that will do," Lexi smirked, pulling him closer to her and placing a chaste kiss on his lips. "Now, I'd like to change the subject if you don't mind."
"To what exactly?" Severus murmured while kissing her neck.
"Mmm," Lexi exhaled with pleasure as Severus' hand travelled up the skirt of her dress.
"I'm sorry," Severus breathed into her neck while he tugged at her underwear. "I didn't quite catch that."
"Ahh," she gasped as fingers slipped underneath the delicate material feeling what was beneath it.
She felt Severus smirk as he realised her body had surrendered itself to him once more. Soon his lips were pressed passionately against hers, and for several minutes they clung fiercely to one another as though it were the first time their lips had met. Severus swiftly gathered Lexi into his arms, and in a rather uncharacteristic fashion, carried her into his room and laid her onto the bed. He pulled his shirt over his head and positioned himself on top of her.
Lexi bit her bottom lip as he removed her dress, tossing it carelessly to the floor, and then running his fingers down her sternum to her navel. Lexi's chest rose and fell rapidly at his touch, her hands trembling as she reached to remove his trousers. He kicked them off without averting his gaze, and then trailed kisses along the path his fingers had just travelled. Lexi arched her back and moaned loudly, feeling an uninhibited hunger for their bodies to entwine once more.
